Ramen Doodles
By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.
Author's Note: When I have writer's block, I often write a lot of random snippets of ideas, omakes, and continuations of other author's ideas that kind of petered out. As I'm afflicted with a bit of writer's block regarding Key Through the Heart (again), I've decided I'm not going to leave you guys in the lurch. Therefore, enjoy some writing I've been doing over at The Fanfiction Forum.
Here's some more Mystery Naruto Theater 3000.
*On the whole meeting Pein in the paper house thing*
Naruto: *As Pein* "Hello Naruto Uzumaki. Welcome to my... Lair."
Hinata: The dr-dramatic reveal small dogs and children in the audience saw coming from a mile away-Ow!
Naruto: You okay, Hina-chan?
Hinata: Still recovering from, you know, being stabbed through the chest.
Naruto: I do appreciate that, you know. *He cuddles her* Here, let me help you feel better...
Chouji: Get a room... Preferably not a paper one.
*Naruto and Pein talk*
Chouji: *sniffles, in Pein's voice* "I-I just needed a hug!"
Naruto: This is what paper mache architecture gets you, folks-The fumes will fuck you up.
Hinata: "What do you mean my breath stinks? I brush after stuffing my fingers down my throat! Every time!"
Chouji: *As Konan* Screw you Pein, I'mma going home!
Naruto: *As Pein* But-
Chouji: Nonono! Screw you, home!
Hinata: *sniffs* You never liked my art! Heathen!
On Sakura's "confession"...
Hinata: *As Sakura* Aren't I just an adorable, conniving bitch? Tee hee!
Sai: Blackmail and guilt, the foundations of ANY real relationship.
Naruto: Remember when things were, ya know, fun?
Hinata and Sai: Nope.
Naruto: Me neither.
On the "Sharingarm"
Naruto: *As Danzo* Masturbation got old real fast, I can tell you.
Sai: Not really. He's used it in contests, trying to perfect his aim, study the trajec-
Hinata and Naruto: *fingers in ears* LALALALALALA NOT LISTENING!
On Naruto's Blue Screen of Death Moment
Naruto: No... Sasuke is... Friend! But Sasuke is, murdering douchebag? Friend... Bad? Bad... Friend...? Not logical! Not logical! Please explain!
Hinata: Honey, honey, stop, you're going to give yourself a stroke.
Sai: Or turn into William Shatner.
Naruto: *Kirk Moment* Of all the souls I've known, his was the most... Emo!
Hinata: I don't think it really applies to him anymore, Naruto.
Sai: Actually, it applies a little more to you nowadays...
Naruto: Oh hey! Come on now, I am SO not emo!
By Targaryen:
Tsunade, on rasenshuriken : Naruto, you should never use this technique again. The damage to your arm is just too great!
Naruto, in chair : Or I could just use it with shadow clones. It's not like I demonstrated my ability to do so just a few hours ago or anything...
Chouji leans across and grabs popcorn : Yeah, I know how you feel man. I mean, until I used the red pill the Nara were just sitting on information that could save our lives. Seriously, what the hell?
Hinata : Indeed. I myself was wondering why a single medic nin was able to fix in seconds damage to my heart that no-one in konoha was able to fix over the preceding month.
Naruto, watching a clone fool Sakura at the start of the series : Yeah, look at me work it. I've definitely got the moves.
Chouji : You do realise she thinks you're Sasuke.
Naruto : Pft. She may think it's Sasuke, but that's all me putting on the moves out there. I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm collected. I have the mojo.
Chouji : Makes me wonder why you don't do it all the time.
Naruto : ...
Chouji: Well clearly, you know how to chat up girls, and you know how girls like guys to act. Begs the question of why you normally act like an enormous gimp around girls
Naruto : ...
Chouji : Come on man, you could have had a harem already if you always acted like that.
Naruto : I blame the creator. At least I still have Oiroke-chan.
Chouji : ...I'd hit that.
On the "Mizuki Strikes Back" arc...
Naruto: Be sure to visit scenic Konoha Volcano Correctional Facility! Take the tour! See the sights! Enjoy the closest thing to hell money can buy!
Hinata: *As Mizuki* It puts the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again...
Chouji: The Legendary Stupid Brothers? Are you kidding?
Naruto: Did they get Scott Adams to design them?
Hinata: I could see them being very successful in the business world...
By Spaz
*At the Waterfall of Reflection*
Out of the waterfall comes the 'dark' reflection of Naruto. He opens his mouth to spe-
"I'm starting with the man in the mirror!" Naruto sung.
"Hey, that's way too early to reference Michael Jackson! Besides, that's a waterfall, not a mirror. I know you're supposed to be dumb, but come on!" Chouji reprimanded.
All the while, Hinata started humming the Imperial March.
*Entrance to behind the Waterfall*
"A whole new world!" Naruto chanted.
"A brand new place, I've never seen!" Hinata added.
"No one to tell us no, or where to go!" Chouji continued.
*Tsunade's recovery*
"Tsunade-sama, you really shouldn't be eating so much!"
"So that's why her tits are so huge!" Naruto exclaimed.
"They are inflating as we speak!" Chouji admired in mock awe.
"Aaaaand this is where we cross the line from funny to fetish." Hinata warned.
"As if your 'growth spurt' was any different?" Naruto answered.
"I didn't hear you complaining~" Hinata retorted.
"Point taken."
*Boat ride to Bee's island*
"I'm gonna be king of the pira-" Naruto repeated.
"No." Hinata cut him off.
"I'm on a boat aaaaand it's going fa-" Chouji sung.
"No!" Hinata got him that time too.
"But why not?" the boys replied in harmony.
"Because there are too many references we can make this time around! What's next, Pirates of the Caribbean?"
"Yo ho!"
"No rapping till we get till the island!"
*Sasuke vs. Kakashi*
" 'I could never forgive you. You killed my father!' " Naruto said in mock of Sasuke.
" 'No Sasuke. I, am your father.' " Chouji repeated in Kakashi's voice.
"Guys, they are SO not worthy of Star Wars."
Sasuke Retrieval Arc
Temari comes to assist Shikamaru
Tayuya: Who are you?
Hinata: No profanity? She must be really scared.
Temari: Konoha's allies...
Kankuro has come to assist Kiba
Kankuro: The Sand...
Chouji: I'm Batman!
Gaara has come to aid Lee
Gaara: Shinobi!
Naruto: And not a bantha between them. Some sand people you are!
Hinata: Sand Shinobi, not sand people.
After Temari kills Tayuya
Temari: *having just killed Tayuya* Well, it's over...
Naruto: OR IS IT? ... Yeah it is.
Shikamaru: What a violent person. She's even scarier than my mom.
Hinata: *As Shikamaru* Th-That was sooo hot.
Gaara vs. Kimimaro
Kimimaro: Without sand, you can't do anything.
Gaara: As long as I have sand, I can do everything.
Naruto: *as Gaara* Except regrow my eyebrows.
Chouji: Maybe if I furrow them more...
First bit of Naruto vs. Sasuke
Naruto: What do you think your comrades in Konoha are?
Hinata: Ch-Chewy and nutritious?
*Naruto jumps at Sasuke and punches him.*
Hinata: Naruto-kun, could you emphasize the yaoi any more?
Naruto: Oh come on, all I did was jump him... Um... Straddling his thighs, leaning my face close to his... Getting on top... I give up!
Chouji: Okay, I award this scene the Congressional Medal of Gay.
Naruto: I WAS JUST CONFUSED!
Sasuke: ...Comrades? Have I become stronger while staying with those comrades? I'm going to where Orochimaru is.
Hinata: *Russian Accent* Da sveedanyah, Comrade!
Naruto: *Sasuke* Where is that by the way? He didn't give me directions...
Naruto: Orochimaru is the one who killed the Third and tried to destroy Konoha! Do you really think he'll give you power for free? He just wants your body as a container!
Naruto: He's spoiling in his current one, didn't close the lid correctly!
Naruto: You might never come back! You might die! There's no way I could just let you go to a place like that!
Chouji: No matter how much free candy he offers, it's a trap! A TRAP!
Sasuke: ...I don't care about that. If I can achieve my objective, then it's all fine.
Hinata: Becoming the main character!
Sasuke: If you're going to get in my way, then I have no choice.
Chouji: I'm going to pout at you until you perish, mwahahahaha!
Naruto: You won't be able to. I'm going to take you back, by force if I have to!
Hinata: And by acceleration if that doesn't work!
Chouji: Don't forget mass!
Naruto: Of course you wouldn't.
Chouji: Are you calling me fat?
Naruto: No no no, no! Just saying... Ah... Help me out here Hinata-chan?
On the Bee Clan filler arc, Naruto seeing Hinata at the waterfall:
Naruto: Woah... Who is that girl?
Hinata: *Naruto* I certainly don't know any girls with a body and haircut like, dattebayo! Especially not on this mission with me!
Naruto: I um... Was distracted. Too much blood going somewhere else...
Hinata: I could have taken care of that for you~...
Kiba: Oh would you two fuck already?
I'm going to Belize for the next two weeks, so I decided to get this out there before I went off the grid. Archaeology field work, you know.