Ramen Doodles

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.

Two snippets of making fun of Kaguya.

After Zetsu has reformed Kaguya...

Kaguya: "It was my plan all along!"

Naruto: "Who are you again?"

Kaguya: "... I'm a chakra eating immortal goddess. The ultimate villain sealed within the Moon. Kaguya the Immortal!"

Blank stares

Kaguya: "You've... heard of me, right?"

Naruto: "So... Are you from one of the filler arcs?"

Sakura: "Maybe one of the movies?"

Sasuke: "She looks like a DLC video game only character."

Kaguya: "What!? No! I'm tightly woven into the origin of your world! I should be first grade reading material!"

Naruto: "We have literally never heard of you until right now."

Kaguya: "... But...!"

Sakura: "Same here, and I can actually read."

Naruto: "I can read! Bitch..."

Kaguya: "... ZETSU! WHY DO THESE PEOPLE NOT KNOW WHO I AM?!"

Naruto: "And don't make fun of illiteracy!"

Sakura: "All right, all right, sorry."

Zetsu: "I... may... have... erased you from history so no one would see you coming when you showed up."

Kaguya: "..."

Naruto: "Er... Is she okay?"

Kaguya: "... I waited. Millennia... to emerge from the Moon and strike fear and dread into my descendants. To face a world that saw me as its death and bequeath it upon them. And... none of them even recognize me."

Kaguya... is depressed.

Naruto: "She definitely seems like a DLC character."

Kaguya is VERY depressed.

Naruto: "Do you have a bikini mod?"

Sakura: "NARUTO!"

Naruto: "What?"

Sasuke: "If this is Ninja Storm then I should be doing better, damn it. I'm top tier."

During the final, climatic battle with Kaguya, Naruto... Pauses.

Naruto: "Wait, wait... Time out! Do you even know why you're doing this? I mean, you got trapped in the moon because you tried to consume humanity. But you clearly felt something for us since you had children with us!"

Naruto: "So why do any of this?"

Sasuke: "Stop trying to reason with the villain, Naruto!"

Naruto: "Fuck you, I'm always gonna do that!"

Kaguya: "What should I do instead?"

Naruto: "I dunno, what's something you always wanted to do but couldn't?"

Kaguya: "Hmmm... Bah! I am beyond all mortal desires and only wish to consume-"

Naruto: "Yeah, but come on. That's just like what lower life forms do!"

Kaguya: "Excuse you?"

Naruto: "Breed, consume, breed, consume, that's what any life form can do! It takes more to truly find meaning in the universe!"

Sakura: Gapes in disbelief

Naruto: "... I know what those words mean Sakura, don't have a heart attack. Anyway! Is your meaning truly any better than an amoeba's?"

Kaguya: "I am far more advanced than an amoeba!"

Naruto: "You're just a really big, flashy amoeba!"

Kaguya: "Fool! I am beyond your concepts of good and evil and-!"

Naruto: "Big talk from the woman who could only fight us once she'd encased everyone else in her tree! If everyone else was here, you wouldn't be making as nearly a good argument for our destruction!"

Kaguya: "What?! I have unlimited power! I am a goddess!"

Naruto: "And you're fighting four people! Ooh, look at me, I took on four people! Hell, you've got Zetsu! I bet you're just scared of fighting everyone! That's why you put them to sleep!"

Kaguya: "I am not scared of fighting everyone!"

Naruto: "Prove it!"

Kaguya: "FINE!" She releases everyone from the Infinite Tsukiyomi "THERE! See? I'm not in the least bit... Oh shit."

Sasuke: "... I literally can't believe that worked."

Naruto: "HAHAHAHAHA!"

Sakura: "HOW IN THE HELL DID THAT-I-YOU-URRRRGGGHHHH! JUST BEAT HER ASS!"

Because Kaguya will never not be stupid.