Ramen Doodles
By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.
Yet another reaction to Naruto's nerfing. Here is...
Not My Husbando! by CJ304.
Isshiki: Hahahahaha! Incarnated at last! Thank you, Code! And with that complete, I shall summon the rest of the clan and we can finish the job! This has taken far, far too long!
Naruto: Grrrrr. [Gripping his stomach in pain with blood dribbling down his mouth]
Isshiki: Don't struggle too much, Naruto. You're just making it harder on yourself. As a matter of fact, let me finish you off, so you can finally serve the family insteaad of hindering us...
Naruto: Oh, no you don't! [Struggles to rise from a crater, limping painfully]
Isshiki: You put up a good fight, Naruto! But you still haven't recovered from using Baryon Mode and losing the Nine Tails! You might have talked a good game, and your Sage Mode was still as strong as ever, but your vitality is nothing compared to what it was. [Chuckles Ominously]
Naruto: One, his name was Kurama. And two! [Spits blood] Fuck you, and fuck your whole family. I'm glad I'm only distantly related to you all, you parasites!
Isshiki: ...shame. Perhaps if you had regressed to Ashura, you could have become one of us. Seems that you're just too human in this life. [Summons power into his hand] And with your death, I will finish off Sasuke, and there will be no one left to oppose us.
[Isshiki stops when he sees Naruto hold up a hand with three fingers extended]
Naruto: Three... [Cough] I-if you really think that it's only me and Sasuke that can oppose you, you're in for a rude awakening when you turn around.
[Isshiki's eyes widen, he turns around, suddenly sensing a presence that had hidden itself from him]
"Eight Trigrams Twin Lions Crumbling Attack: PALM BOTTOM!"
[Isshiki smashes into a nearby building, blood and spit flying from his mouth]
Hinata: You were hurting my husband...
[Isshiki slowly pulls himself up, reorienting himself and seeing the back of Hinata as she calmly walks towards Naruto, a purple shroud of chakra building up on her form, and her hair blowing in an ethereal wind as it grows several inches with every step until it falls past her mid-back]
Naruto: Looking gorgeous as ever, honey!
[Hinata gives his chest a mild slap as she helps him up.]
Hinata: Naruto, stop. Don't flirt with me while we're fighting the enemy!
Naruto: But Hinata, you look so cool and pretty all glowing like this! And you just sucker-punched him so hard he saw stars! That's hot.
Isshiki: W-w-w-what?!
[Naruto and Hinata turn to Isshiki, suddenly remembering that he's there]
Isshiki: Your eyes! What happened to your eyes?!
[Naruto smiles mischievously, while Hinata focuses her newly revealed Tenseigan on Isshiki]
Naruto: Heh. Hinata and I were getting back into shape, fooling around-
Hinata: Naruto!
Naruto: -with our Jutsu and chakra a while back! We were able to recreate the Old Sage's Truth Seeking Balls together, and, well, after Kurama I was trying to figure out some more Sage Mode powers to fight you, with my lovely, beautiful, and amazingly strong wife when we had this awesome breakthrough when it came to applying the Sage Chakra she inherited in conjunction with her eyes! The reasults speak for themselves!
[Hinata steps forward, entering a stance as lions of purple chakra form around her arms and her eyes give of an ethereal glow]
Hinata: You attacked my home. Hurt my son. And tried to kill my husbando. [Hinata leers, and Isshiki has a flashback of Kaguya] Prepare youself, for there is now no limit to the range of my divination!
Isshiki: What the actual-
[Hinata rushes forward in a blur of movement, her speed near equal to Naruto in his Nine Tails Shroud. She exchanges attacks with Isshiki, who finds that every time he blockes or exchanges blows with her, he loses feeling in another part of his body]
Isshiki: Shit! Okay, no touching you anymore! [Shrinks down to microscopic size]
Isshiki: [Thinking] Okay, just heal and sneak up on her to-!
[Chakra lions of equal microscopic size surround him, pouncing on him and striking with fangs and claws of energy, all tethered to strings of chakra leading back to Hinata, who soon moves into position and starts making precision attacks with her fingers, launching what seems to be giant lances of light at Isshiki]
Hinata: I told you, you can't hide, not from me!
[Desperate, Isshiki resizes to his normal size, spitting blood and making space between himself and Hinata by firing off blasts of chakra, which are deflected by her, or by Naruto, who has by now re-entered sage Mode and formed a Truth Seeker Ball shaped into a baton]
Isshiki: W-what?! Where did this come from! Where was this when Momoshiki attacked!
Hinata: Fool! I was caught by surprise, if I'd been ready I would have torn him limb from limb like I'm going to do to you for daring to touch my precious family!
Isshiki: ...holy shit, what is with these humans...
[Isshiki tries to move, but discovers that his tendons were all systematically severed and his chakra coils have been destroyed in limbs]
Isshiki: Shit!
Naruto: [Thinking] Man that's hot! But we gotta finish this fast before Hinata burns herself out and he retreats to re-group with the other Ĺtsutsuki coming our way. Can't let him escape, what can we- wait! I know!]
Naruto: Hey honey, think fast!
[Naruto re-forms the black Truth Seeking Ball in his hands back into a sphere, his Sage Mode eyes fading as he does so, and throws it at Hinata, who catches it in the mouths of her chakra lions]
Hinata: [Thinking] Oh! I know what I can do with this! Ohhhh, I get to use the big Jutsu this time, I need to thank him for this later~!
Hinata: Prepare to face the fury of a Wife: "Golden Wheel Reincarnation Explosion"!
Isshiki: This planet's chakra is not worth all of this troublLEEEEE! [Disintegrates!]
Hinata: Whew!
[The chakra shroud disperses, with her Tenseigan eyes lingering as she looks Naruto over for injuries] Are you aright, dear?
Naruto: My hero! [Pulls her into a hug, though he stumbles slightly]
Hinata: [sweeps Naruto into a bridal carry] Well then~! Since I'm the hero this time, shall I claim my reward?
[Hinata carry's Naruto off towards their home]
[Sasuke, Sakura, and Boruto's team were watching this on a nearby rooftop]
Boruto: ...gross...
Sarada: Your mother uses a chakra canon made of golden light to incinerate one of those guys, and that's your reaction? [Bonks Boruto on the head]
Boruto: Ow!
Mitsuki: Don't mind her, Boruto. She's just jealous that she didn't get to try and save your father to impress him herself.
Boruto: That makes it worse!
Sakura: Oh poo, and I was looking forward to seeing if my attempts to artificially use the the first three Gates while releasing my Seal would have let me overwhelm his physical defenses.
Sasuke: I think we can find an excuse to practice it somewhere else. Perhaps I can summon my Susanoo...
Sakura: Oh, Really~?
Sarada: Eww! Mom, dad! Don't bring up your weird kinks in public!
Much better, don't you think?