Ramen Doodles

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.

More stuff for Naruto and his twin sister, Naruko...

Sarutobi: "Hmmm... Well, we have two babies..."

Baby Naruto and his twin sister, Naruko, are crying in front of him.

Sarutobi: "Each with one half of the Kyuubi's chakra inside... So let's split them up! Raise the girl like a princess and the boy like a wretched orphan!"

Kakashi: "... Ah, Hokage-sama... Why?"

Sarutobi: shakes his head "Oh! Sorry Kakashi. A novel I read with that plot has been stuck in my head all month. Ugh. No, let's raise them together as siblings."

Kakashi: "That makes much more sense, Hokage-sama."

Sarutobi: "I mean, can you imagine?"

Kakashi: "I can imagine that, Hokage-sama. It would probably not end well."

Sarutobi: "You're right."

Years later...

The doorbell is rung at Naruto and Naruko's apartment. Naruko perks up as her brother cooks lunch.

Naruko: "I'll get it~!"

She flounces up to the door, and opens it.

Naruko: "Hello-ACK!"

Sasuke: Standing there awkwardly, holding up flowers... Trying to smile "Hello Naruko-chan. Would you like to go on a date?"

Naruko: deadpan "Sasuke-san. Are you drunk?"

Sasuke: "No! No, not this time! I mean it!"

Naruko: "Look Sasuke-san, you're... Well you're not nice. But you're... Not... Terrible."

Sasuke: nods "See? Not terrible!"

Naruko: "But frankly, if I was going to go out with a guy..." Her eyes sparkle "I'd go out with Rock Lee!"

Sasuke: "... What."

Naruko: "He's so hard working, and positive, and that body in that spandex! Mmm~! He'd be the best boyfriend ever!" Beams "So, sorry, but you're really not my type. Bye!" shuts the door

Naruto: "OI! Who was it, Naruko?"

Naruko: "Just Sasuke trying to ask me out again."

Naruto: "What a weirdo!"

Naruko: "I KNOW RIGHT?"

Later, Sakura walks up to Naruko in anger.

Sakura: "Listen Naruko! You can't have Sasuke! He's going to be mine! So just stop doing whatever you're doing!"

Naruko: "Huh?"

Sakura: "We are eternal rivals now! Only one can win!"

Naruko: beams "... Okay! You win!"

Sakura: "Wait what."

Naruko: "You win! You can have Sasuke! I don't want him!"

Sakura: "Wha-WHY NOT?!"

Naruko: "I don't like him like that!"

Sakura: "How-HOW COULD YOU NOT LIKE HIM?!"

Naruko: "I don't."

Sakura: "Then who do you like?!"

Naruko: blush "Um... Rock Lee?"

Sakura: "WHAT?! HIM?!"

Naruko: "But he's so amazing! He works so hard and he's always training and he's so polite and he wears spandex! He's amazing!"

Rock Lee: "YOSH! GOOD MORNING SAKURA-CHAN! NARUKO-SAN!"

Sakura: "Oh no..."

Naruko: "GOOD MORNING LEE-SEMPAI~!" Hearts in her eyes

Lee: Turns all his attention to Sakura, pulls out a book of poetry "Sakura-chan! I have written more love poems to recite to you, so that you will go on a date with me!"

Naruko: "EH?!"

Sakura: "Look Lee, that's really nice, but I'm not going out with you-"

Naruko: sobs "Nooooo! Lee-sempai, how could you?!"

Lee: "Ah? Naruko-san-"

Naruko: "I'VE LOVED YOU SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME! I'D LOVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR LOVE POETRY!"

Lee: Sighs, pats Naruko on the top of her head "Naruko-san, while I admire your kind heart and determined, fiery spirit, my own heart burns only for Sakura-san! I cannot simply change my feelings! I must be honest!"

Naruko: sniffles, blubbering now "B-But Lee-sempaiiiii...!"

Sakura: "LEE! She really does like you!"

Lee: "Yes! But I only like her as a comrade! My fiery passion burns only for you, Sakura-san!"

Sakura: "You've literally made her break down sobbing in front of you! How can you just ignore that?!"

Lee: "AH! NO! I HAVE BROKEN A FAIR MAIDEN'S HEART!" He brings the back of his arm to his forehead as he breaks out in tears "I AM SO SORRY, NARUKO-SAN! BUT MY HEART CANNOT BE SWAYED! I AM ONLY A MAN!"

Naruko: sobs "OH LEE-SEMPAIIIII! I JUST WISH I WAS THE GIRL FOR YOUUUUU!"

Lee: "WAIT! I have it! Gai-sensei says only the most youthful of men can have room in their hearts for more than one!" He pulls Naruko and Sakura into a tight embrace "I WILL FIGHT WITH ALL MY MIGHT TO MAKE ROOM IN MY HEART FOR YOU TOO, NARUKO-SAN!"

Sakura: "LIKE HELL YOU WILL!" She punches Lee, sending him flying "PERVERT!"

Naruko: "But-But Sakura-chan-!"

Sakura: "No buts! I mean, aren't you offended that he wants us both?!"

Naruko: beams "Nope! I like girls too!"

Sakura: bright red "Wh-Wh-What?!"

Naruko: "Oh, why can't we be one big happy family Sakura?! You, and me, Onii-san, and Lee-sempai, and maybe even Sasuke-I'd do it for you so we'd all be happy together!"

Sakura: nosebleed "Wh-Wh-What are you saying?! You want to have... You're a b-bisexual?!"

Naruko: blinks "What's a bisexual? Or... A sexual?"

Sakura: Facepalm

Kiba: "Sooo... Naruko-chan. How are you?"

Naruko: beams "I'm great, Kiba-kun! Hey Akamaru!"

Akamaru: "Ruff ruff." This isn't gonna work, Kiba.

Kiba: "Hush. Anyway Naruko... I have all these coupons for discount Ramen at Ichirakus! You wanna go with me?"

Naruko: gasp, shiny eyes "RAMEN?! I'D LOVE TO! You're the nicest person I've ever met! I'd do anything for ramen!"

Kiba: Toothy grin "Anything, you say?"

Naruko: Innocent and pure as the windswept snow "Absolutely anything!"

Kiba: "Then maybe we could go to the Hokage monument and watch the sunset after?"

Kiba then feels the most intense killing intent imaginable. He slowly looks over his shoulder and sees Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi glaring and promising horrible death to him.

Kiba: "Er... Or maybe you just take the coupons and go by yourself!"

Naruko: "Awww! But it'd be fun to get ramen with a friend!"

Naruto: Right up next to Kiba, his eyes glowing red, low voice "Try anything with my sister and I'll feed your dangly bits to your dog."

Sasuke: On his other side, Sharingan out, equally low and deadly "And I'll do worse."

Kiba: Gulp "I-I just remembered I have to... To feed Akamaru! Let's go buddy!" Flees, with an apologetic Akamaru following behind

Naruko: "Aww... But Nii-san-!"

Naruto: "No buts! We can go get ramen together!"

Sasuke: "Yes... And then afterwards we can go watch the sunset on the Hokage Monument?"

Naruko: "Sure thing Sasuke! You're a great friend!"

Sasuke: Arrow through the heart "Gak!"

Naruto: smirk

Sakura: smirking as well "Oh yeah... Sasuke's your best friend, isn't he Naruko? Forever at the top of your friend zone?"

Naruko: "He'd be my Friendkage of my Friend Village!"

Sasuke is deeply depressed

Naruko: Happily playing ninja with several kids in the street, while Neji watches her

Neji: "Come on... You can do this Neji..."

He walks up to her. Naruko spots him and beams.

Naruko: "NEJI! Hello! It's great to see you!"

Neji: "You as well, Naruko-san. Ahem. I need to ask you something."

Naruko: "Sure, what?"

Neji: Takes her hands in his "Beauteous maiden, would you be mine forever-GAH!"

Sasuke kicks Neji into the nearby shop. Naruko gapes.

Naruko: "Sasuke! What was that for?!"

Sasuke: "We were fighting a duel."

Naruko: "Really? Didn't look like it-"

Sasuke: "It was time out. Time out just ended. Let's go get ramen!"

Naruko: "I dunno Sasuke, I just had a lot of ramen. I'm stuffed!"

Sasuke: "But you're always hungry for ramen!"

Naruko: "Well yeah... Except when I'm not-"

Sasuke is seized by the Shadow Possession Jutsu, and runs into a wall. Shikamaru walks up, sighing.

Shikamaru: "How troublesome... Hey Naruko. Want to go watch clouds with me?"

Naruko: "Sure! That sounds fun! But uh, why did you possess Sasuke like that?"

Shikamaru: "He asked me to help him train in resisting shadow possession. Clearly he needs more practice."

Naruko: nods "Totally."

Shikamaru: nods "So, shall we-?"

Chouji: "PARTIAL EXPANSION JUTSU!"

Shikamaru is grabbed by Chouji and tossed away.

Shikamaru: "TRAITORRRR!"

Chouji: "Hey Naruko! You wanna try this barbecue place?"

Naruko: getting increasingly confused "Why'd you just throw Shikamaru like that?! He's your best friend!"

Chouji: "Ahh... It's a prank! Just a funny little prank-"

He gets jumped by the furious Neji and Sasuke, who begin an all out brawl in the street. Naruko gapes and uses her Shadow Clones to herd the children away.

Child 1: "Naruko-nee-chan, why are they fighting?"

Naruko: "I don't know! Sometimes boys can be so weird!"

On the day of team assignments, the Uzumaki twins stand in Sarutobi's office, crying.

Naruko: sniffling, her eyes large and tearfilled "But... But we've never been apart! Ever!"

Naruto: Crying manly tears "Can't you do something Old Man?"

Sarutobi: "I'm very sorry but your grades don't let you be on the same team! Now stop your crying! I've gotten wonderful instructors for you both! And you're going to make new friends!"

Naruto: "But... My little sister is my best friend!" Sobs and hugs his crying sister

Sarutobi: "No, no! It didn't work on me when you were six, it won't work now!"

The twins keep bawling. Sarutobi sighs.

Sarutobi: "I can wait all day for this."

The twins keep crying

Sarutobi: "Would you two get out?! You're ninjas damnit! Act like it!"

Twins: stand up straight "Yes sir."

And so, later... Naruko and Naruto are sitting together in class, bored. Sasuke is brooding, Sakura is fretting, and a young pale, black haired boy is drawing while a young pale blonde girl with glasses is frantically reading.

Naruto: "... This blows!"

Naruko: "Yeah! I want a super awesome teacher!"

Naruto: "Who breathes fire!"

Naruko: "And shoots glitter beams!"

Sai: fake smile "Hello, I'm Sai. Which one of you is going to be on my team? Because either way I'm probably screwed."

Naruko: "Um... That would be me? Naruko Uzumaki! Nice to meet you!"

Sai: "... You're gonna die you spazz."

Naruto: "HEY! YOU JERK!"

Naruko: "That's not nice to say! I know! You're being mean because you don't know any better!"

She hugs him tightly.

Naruko: "There there. You're a jerk, but now you're my jerk."

Sasuke glares hot death at Sai

Sai is confused

Naruko: turns to the girl "And you are...?"

Shiho: "Um... Shiho. I really didn't want to be here. I just want to work in the office and not be a ninja-"

Naruko: "BUT BEING A NINJA IS SO COOL! WE GET TO SHOOT LASERS AND FIRE AND TURN INTO BOXES!" She hugs Shiho too "Don't worry! I'll teach you how to be awesome like me! I believe in you!"

Shiho: "You-You do?"

Naruko: "YEAH! All we need is our awesome teacher!"

Anko Mitarashi crashes through the window with a big banner behind her.

Anko: "Tada~! Team 9! I'm here to pick you up! Sorry I'm so late! Which are my brats?"

Shiho: "Ummm... Anko-sensei, that's-"

Naruko: "THAT'S US! OH WOW SHE'S SO COOL!"

Sai: smile "Our teacher is a stripper? Where do I put my money?"

Anko: smacks Sai on the head "Any other smart remarks, brat?"

Sai: "No. Ow."

Naruko: "Sorry for Sai! He doesn't know any better! So are we going to go now?"

Anko: "Yup! Come on brats!"

Naruko: turns to Naruto "I still feel bad about this..."

Naruto: "You'll be fine! And so will I!"

Naruko: "Well... Okay. Awkward sibling hug?"

Naruto: "Awkward sibling hug."

They hug.

Naruto and Naruko: As they pat eachother's backs "Pat pat!"

Anko: "COME ON BRATS!"

Naruko: "Eep! Coming Anko-sensei!"

Later, while Naruko's team hangs out...

Naruko: "Hey Sai: You can make your drawings come to life, right?"

Sai: "Yes?"

Naruko: sparkly eyes "Can you draw me a unicorn?"

Sai: "... Yes."

Five minutes later... Naruko rides an ink unicorn with Shiho and Sai on the back through the village.

Naruko: "YEAAAAHHHHHHH! UNICORN NINJA PRINCESS!"

Shiho: "Wh-What even is that?!"

Naruko: "IT'S WHAT WE ARE! SCREAM IT LOUD AND PROUD! I'M A UNICORN NINJA PRINCESS!"

Shiho: "I-I'M A UNICORN NINJA PRINCESS!"

Sai: "I am a Unicorn Ninja Princess."

Naruko: "YEAAAAHHHHHH!"

Kakashi watches them pass by. He chuckles.

Kakashi: "Seems I dodged a bullet there..."

Sakura: "C-Come on, Sasuke! What-what does that blonde bimbo have that I don't?"

Naruko: "Hi Sasuke!" hugs him "Friend hug!"

Sasuke: "... Thank you."

Naruko: "You're welcome!"

Sakura: HE SAID THANK YOU?!

Sasuke: "... Have you reconsidered my offer of marrying me and rebuilding my clan?"

Naruko: "Geez Sasuke! I said no! It's weird, okay?" She bonks him on the head "You can't just ask a girl that! It's creepy!"

Sasuke: "... Sorry."

Sakura: SHE HITS HIM AND HE SAYS SORRY?!

Naruko: "It's okay. You're just weird but I don't mind weird!"

Sasuke: "... So... What about ramen?"

Naruko: "Oh sure! We can have that! I love ramen! As friends."

Sasuke: "... Fine."

They head off while Sakura gapes in horror and rage.

Sakura: "... WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!"

It's just a lot of fun to write. Go ahead, give it a shot!