Ramen Doodles
By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.
This was written by Hailstone Knockout: And it's our 100th chapter! HOORAY!
As a kid who grew up both in the midwest and the south, fell in love with the story of Paul Bunyan and John henry, as well as attend many a lumberjack show, I proudly present to you this.
(It's a bit long.)
Kiba Felt sick. Sicker than when he and Shino had been forced to eat Hana's cooking for a week after she had decided to, in her own words, 'get better'.
These airships that the Americans were so proud of were absolutely horrible, it felt like the thin metal flooring beneath him could give out at any moment, sending him plummeting hundreds of meters to the ground. But that wasn't the worst part.
No no no…
The worst part was the highly flammable gas above them keeping the whole thing afloat, liable to blow them up at any moment.
For his part Akamaru didn't seem to share his master's sentiments, happily walking up and down the airship's aisles being pet by the various other passengers who thought he was just the single most adorable thing.
That traitor.
Shino had his nose in a book, though Kiba could tell he was trying to keep his kikaichū from freaking out. His gaze then shifted to Hinata, who was lightly sleeping next to Kurenai, who herself was staring at the grassy plains rolling by beneath them.
I need to take my mind off of this flying deathtrap…
Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Kiba spoke up to her. "So sensei… Could you run the mission by me one more time?"
Kurenai Turned to her genin, and gave him a soft smile before chuckling.
"And why should I? You did skip out on the briefing back when we were in Monterey Village."
"Ah come on! Akamaru wanted to see the sights and smells!" Kiba then frowned a bit. "They don't add village to the names of their settlements like we do, by the way."
Kurenai shrugged, lightly rousing Hinata "It's a force of habit."
Hinata blinked drowsily before rubbing her eyes and yawning "What are we talking about?"
Shino spoke up next, "Just the language difference between here and home." he said with a little bit of amusement.
"Oh.", Hinata thought to herself for a moment. "Did you guys notice that they never call Chakra Chakra here? The Americans Just call it 'Life Force' or just 'Power' or something like that..."
Kurenai put her finger to her chin thoughtfully. "Well, they technically aren't wrong."
"Aaahg!" Kiba was starting to fidget around in his seat, annoyed, "That's not what I was asking about at all! The Mission! The Mission!"
Kurenai laughed. "Alright, Alright!" She said between chuckles.
"The mission is simple, we're supposed to go to a sub-area of their midwest region, called 'Wisconsin', and meet with a group called the 'Lumber Troupe' run by a guy named Paul Bunyan."
She paused for a bit and Hinata interjected, "Didn't they say he was a little bit older than us?"
Kurenai beamed at her genin. "That they did! About sixteen years old, they said. They also said something about him having a 'Larger Than Life Personality', which considering all the people we've met so far doesn't seem that far-fetched."
Shino snorted. "That's an understatement. Do you remember president Theodore? When he met all of us he was using his chakra to create a light show while riding a deer of all things."
"It was called a moose," Hinata corrected, before blushing, "When Naruto asked, the President called it a moose."
Kiba gave her a sideways glance, Aaand of course she would remember something when it came to Naruto.
It still baffled him as to how blondie hadn't figured it out yet.
Kurenai cleared her throat. "Well at about the rate we're going in the airship, I'd say we're due to reach our destination, the Wisconsin rapids villa-Ah! Wisconsin Rapids, sometime midday tomorrow."
Kiba couldn't find it in himself to poke fun at his sensei's mistake, as he was too busy dying inside.
As soon as he stepped off of the Airship the next day Kiba was immediately kissing the airport's carpet and saying how he'd never leave solid ground again, Akamaru beside his master giving him a distinctly pained cringe.
Shino just shook his head at his teammate's antics, before looking around at the hustle and bustle of the airport, taking in all the different people, going to and fro, hopping off of one airship only to immediately go into waiting to board another, hugging family members near the baggage claim, arguments breaking out over late and canceled flights…
It was a bit of a sensory overload if he was being honest.
Not that he was complaining. Every inch of America had been interesting in some form or fashion so far.
He especially liked the giant redwoods back in California, to think that those trees had been alive before the establishment of the elemental nations!
Shino's gaze fell back to the crowd, shuffling back and forth with the people, before finally settling on one in particular.
He reminded Shino of the pictures he had seen of the Raikage, if only a bit younger, with short black hair, and somehow managing to be more muscly.
In his hand he's holding a sign, Kurenai, it read, in both the American's language of English, and passing, if a little scribbly, katakana.
"Ah!" Kurenai started towards him, "You must be the one the Troupe sent to pick us up, it's good to meet you." She said with a curt bow.
The man blinked for a moment, before giving a low and hearty laugh. "Ah shucks, no need to be formal," He stuck out his hand," Th' name's John, it's nice to meet Y'all."
Kurenai paused for a moment before taking his hand and shaking it.
Shino remembered something at that moment, about how President Theodore explained how a skilled American chakra user could get a good read on someone with a simple handshake, at the expense of letting the other person do the same to a stunned Naruto.
Duels and partnerships in equal measure were sealed with a handshake, it was regarded as a gesture of honor and respect.
Shino honestly couldn't care for it. Better not to give out that information freely, and err on the side of caution.
As soon as the handshake ended, John gave out a whistle.
"You guys really are packin' some power aren't cha?" He said. "Come on, let's get your luggage in the truck and hit the road. We should be able to make it to camp before the afternoon, and I wouldn't want you to miss the show."
A little while later, and Kiba still hadn't given up his clown act, with both him and Akamaru with their heads sticking out of the truck window, and tongues in the wind.
Hinata was watching the pine trees flying by all the while Shino was stuck in the middle with nothing to do but listen to Kurenai and John talk back and forth.
"So John, I know that the Lumber troupe is not only in the employ of the government, but also actual lumberjacks. How exactly does that work?"
"You know, I'm not too sure of the specifics myself. Paul's dad worked out the deal before stepping down and handing it off to his son" He said. "Apparently it's so solid it's bound to last until the third presidency after Theodore," John Chuckled.
Kurenai gave him a look, "What was that for?"
John laughed again, "Aw it's nothing. That old son of a bitch is gonna outlive every single one of us, and look good doing it. That's just the kinda man he is."
Kurenai just rolled her eyes. "Well okay then. What about yourself? How'd you end up working for the Lumber Troupe?"
John gave out a thoughtful hum. "It was about, four years ago I'd say. Used to work in a mine down south a ways. Hated every second of it, and hated the pay even more, but it was all I could do."
John leaned forward wistfully "So imagine my surprise when they rolled in this big drill and told me that I was being replaced."
"Now I wasn't the only miner there, and nearly every one of use got up in arms over betting kicked out of our jobs, until the foreman challenged us to beat the damn thing in a competition."
Hinata decided to join Shino, paying rapt attention to John's story.
"Again, I may not have been the only miner there, but everybody else considered me the best. I was content to sit back and grumble about it until they volunteered me against my will."
"So I think what the heck. Might as well, and the competition gets underway that very same day."
There was a ghost of a smile on John's lips. "I was on fire. Both figuratively, and literally. The Rush of Lifeforce nearly killed me, but I beat the tar out that drill when it came to mining."
He then sighed. "The thing is though, I was the outlier, not the norm. Where as I did about a hundred men's worth of work, the drill did about sixty. Sure it may have broken down at the end of the competition, but parts are easily replaced, and I plumb near killed myself to get that far."
Kurenai winced. "I can already tell, this story doesn't have a happy ending, does it?"
"Well it does, an' it doesn't," John stated . "All of us miners got laid off as soon as the foreman ordered replacement parts and about three more drills, but as soon as I got out of the hospital recovery, I met Paul."
"He was 'round about twelve at the time, and was watching the competition the entire time and was absolutely ecstatic to meet me. He even called me the coolest guy he'd ever met." he said, his smile getting wider.
"He then offered me a job. A Job! At twelve years old!" John seemed to have a laughing fit, and Kurenai was giggling herself.
"What happened next?" Kiba asked, Finally peeled away from the window.
"I joined the Troupe," John stated, calming down from his laughter, "But truth be told I didn't know jack about bein' a lumberjack, and I kinda still don't."
"Wait, Really?" Kurenai asked incredulously.
"Yeah, no, no I really don't. I've just been workin' on the Log Flow, makin' sure the lumber gets safely down river to a sawmill, and steering it away from the occasional beaver dam, or fighting off a thief or two from time to time."
"Seems kinda boring if you ask me." Kiba mouthed off.
John nodded. "Most days it is, but it sure as hell beats nearly killing myself in a mine."
The conversation died down after that, and Kurenai found herself staring at the dirt road they were on until they found their way to the Lumber Troupe's Camp.
The Camp was full of people, all rushing back and forth, like they were getting ready for something.
Hinata was a little bit nervous, and a little bit excited.
She felt like the general atmosphere of the camp was like a festival back home in Kohana, albeit a bit less extraordinary and a bit more mundane.
Scores of people carrying tandem saws, others with strange blue chalk coving their clothes, foremen going over plans, people counting what seemed to be hundreds of saplings, and a man carving a log into a bear using a whirling motorized saw with surprising skill.
Hinata even saw a few odd summons performed, and caught the names 'Glawakus', 'Snallygaster', 'Hugag', and 'Gumberoo', each more silly than the last.
John gave Team Kurenai a welcome to the camp, before leaving them to their own devices after one of the foremen pulled him over to their table to look at something.
Kiba and Akamaru were drawn to the outdoor kitchen and the wide variety of food they were preparing, while Shino had slunk off to the edge of the camp, watching everything from a distance.
Kurenai said she wanted to explore the camp, and left Hinata to her own devices.
A few years ago, she would have been terrified. Now though? She knew she could handle a situation like this.
It still amazed her at how tall the men and women here were in America.
Compared to Kurenai, who in their system of measurement was about five and a half feet tall, and mildly tall by Konoha's standards, nearly everybody she'd seen here had been either her height or taller.
On top of that, everybody at the Lumber Troupe's camp had been corded and muscled almost like they were hewn from a mountain.
I guess if you're just carrying logs all day, you probably would bulk up.
Then Hinata heard it, an old cow bell from atop a tall pole in the center of the camp followed by a young man's voice carrying over the now hushed labourers.
"TEN MINUTES PEOPLE! TEN MINUTES!"
What was once a laidback festival was now a din of fervor and excitement, taking Hinata aback.
The young man continued, "Bubba! I know chainsaw art is your passion, but you're also the finest log roller I know! I need ya to get with your team!"
The man with the chainsaw raised his tool in the air, revving it loudly before scampering off to position.
"Planters! Get ready with those saplings and make sure the Fearsome Critters Clean up those stumps!"
The small army of summons and planters a whooped and shouted in affirmation.
"Chalkers! I promise I'll hit 'em this time!" The young man, no, Paul, Hinata corrected herself, called out.
"You Better!" Shouted John from the foreman's table, "I bet fifty bucks on you!"
Wait, that's why he left us? Hinata frowned.
"And I bet a hundred you wouldn't!" shouted one of the other foremen, a young man in his twenties with a large knife strapped to his side.
"Love ya too Jason! Make sure you and the rest of the Chokermen are ready to transport the logs with Bubba!"
"Already on it Boss!" Jason shouted back with a mean-spirited laugh.
"Sawyers! Get ready cut the trees down real good for John and his team! We don't want any more log jams or get the saw mills mad at him like last time!"
A round of cheers and laughter rang out in equal measure.
"That was your fault and you know it!" John shouted mirthfully.
Paul just blew him a loud raspberry, and Hinata could feel herself starting to giggle.
"And Finally! TO OUR GUESTS FROM THE LAND OF FIRE!"
Hinata felt her stomach drop as a particularly burly woman picked her up and sat her on her shoulder.
"LET'S GIVE ALL OF YA A BIG THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT TONIGHT!"
She could see the same thing that had happened to her happen to Shino, Kiba, and Akamaru, while Kurenai was pushed to the forefront of the crowd.
"AND LET'S MAKE SURE IT'S A NIGHT TO REMEMBER!"
And all the Lumber Troupe started Hollering and cheering for Team Kurenai, parading Shino, Kiba and Akamaru around, while Hinata could feel herself turn into a lighthouse atop the lumberjane's should with how luminescent her blush of embarrassment was.
The anticipation was killer.
Kiba and Akamaru couldn't sit still, Shino felt his mind racing, Kurenai found herself holding her breath more than once, and Hinata couldn't stop from reflexively using her Byakugan.
The spot that had be chosen to be logged had been a dense patch of trees on the edge of a valley clearing, gazing into the setting sun.
All around the scores of trees the team could see blue chalk rings set at about waist height, and unhooked tow cables set a few meters higher than them.
The planters and the summons hanged back, but were ready to move at a moment's notice.
The tension on the grassy hill they were sitting on was palpable.
Hinata could see the intensity of everybody's chakras.
When all the preparations were finally done, and everyone's positions were set, Paul walked up.
She didn't get a good look at him before, but now he was in perfect view.
He had a somewhat lanky, yet limber build, and stood almost a full head taller than even the woman who had picked her up earlier.
His curly black hair fell over his eyebrows, but still gave a good picture of his dark blue eyes.
The similarly black peach fuzz on his chin gave way to a cocky and self assured smile, and the absolutely massive axe he was leaning on his shoulder somehow went well with his simple shoes, baggy blue pants, and loose fuzzy plaid red shirt.
He was dressed for comfort, and carried himself with a confident and relaxed swagger.
His chakra on the other hand, was anything but.
It had points, similar to Chouji's, which suggested his body parts could expand.
Where most chakra flowed like a river, his burned like a wildfire, ready to let loose at any moment. It was immense and raging, like a monster in his veins.
About ten meters away from where Team Kurenai and the rest of the Lumber Troupe were sitting, Paul took position.
Hinata saw the points in his chakra contract, until it looked like he was running the wildfire through a straw.
He reared the axe back...
The chakra was pumping faster and faster, until it was white hot.
Paul tensed, suddenly looking gaunt, and ghoulish.
Any normal person would have passed out from the stress at this point, Hinata reasoned, but he's not normal is he?
Then he swung the axe.
For a moment, Hinata could see it.
Paul's chakra was not a wildfire like she had once thought, but a volcano in the shape of a man.
A fire giant raging in a flicker of a candle, turning the setting sun into night with his flame's intensity.
And then she blinked, and saw Paul.
Gripping the charred and splintered handle of the axe, standing over the pool of metal slag that had once been the axe head, his once baggy clothes now filling out his inexplicably brawny form better.
Was he contracting his chakra even longer before doing this? What kind of a monster is he?!
His chakra currently resembled a normal person's, albeit heavily drained.
In this state, it'd be pitifully easy to take him down, Hinata observed as Paul just seemingly stared off into space.
She felt a gentle breeze roll over her, followed not long after by a deafening roar of wind.
None of the Lumber Troupe had moved an inch from where they stood.
Paul smiled, before falling backwards and staring at the sky.
"Bingo."
One by one, like dominoes the trees began to fall, perfectly cut on the blue chalk lines.
The Roar of the Lumber Troupe was almost as loud as the wind that had preceded them.
Jason slapped the one hundred dollars into John's waiting hand.
And then the real work began.
Meanwhile, back in Konoha...
- - -
The loss of four Jounin and their powerful Genin teams would have represented a significant loss of strength to Konoha. After the losses they sustained during the Sand/Sound Invasion, it wasn't something they could do lightly. However, President Roosevelt was still a great diplomat, and so he had offered to make the exchange equitable.
Five of his top Rangers with their apprentices would be placed at Konoha's disposal as part of the exchange program. They would obey Tsunade as though she were their Hokage, save for any orders that violated their oaths to the United States or their consciences.
At first blush this seemed like it would go against the grain of a ninja village-After all, they dealt with assassinations and other ugly business. As ever though, the foreigners proved to be as surprising as their President.
Tsunade herself had accompanied one of the Agents out on a B-Rank economic assistance mission-Several farmers had been requesting relief from the Daimyo, and so Tsunade had authorized it. The Agent had accepted, and he, his apprentice, Tsunade, and her back up for the mission, Anko Mitarashi, had headed out.
Shizune had wanted to come, but someone had to maintain the illusion the Hokage was still in Konoha, and she was the best choice.
Perhaps it was selfish. Perhaps she just missed Naruto and how she could make her life interesting. But she'd elected to go along "as an observer", and see what the foreign agent could do.
That, and he was easily the most mysterious of the five Agents. He was a tall man, sinewy and strong like a tree in the prime of life. He wore a tricorner hat, and a riding cloak that always covered the lower half of his face. Only his sandy red hair, done in a neat ponytail, and his blue-grey eyes were ever visible. He wore white riding trousers and tall leather boots, and a sword in a green scabbard at his side. Her medical training allowed her to pick out a few faded pockmarks on the tops of his cheeks-Leftover from some disease long ago.
His name was Richard Bonhomme, and despite her best efforts, she hadn't been able to learn much more about him. He carried himself like a noble, yet the air of sadness clung to him like a wandering samurai. He spoke little, but when he did it was very eloquent and polite.
His apprentice was... Well, a bit of a puzzle. He was a young, pale white haired boy who always wore blue-Blue cloak, blue hoodie, blue jeans, blue boots, and his eyes were the same. He carried a wooden staff with him, frosty snowflakes leaving its tip whenever he tied it to his back. He walked with good posture, but it was obvious he was unhappy about it as he kept trying to slouch. His name was Jack Frost, and honestly it fit. He was cold and uptight like he was constantly in a blizzard. He complained a great deal, yet whenever Richard said something, he did it, no question.
It was an interesting conundrum, these two, and Tsunade wanted to learn more.
"The villages in question have suffered a drought," Tsunade explained, "due to the recent damming of the Mu River. Redirecting more water to them is taking time."
Bonhomme nodded. "I understand," he said. "They have petitioned their Daimyo to contract us as aid?"
"It's becoming a bit more common," Tsunade continued, "as ninjutsu has so many non combat applications."
"I take it the Daimyo does not like the idea of Plasm and Tinctures being available to their populace," Bonhomme stated. Tsunade nodded.
"Chakra potential is difficult to cultivate in populations," she admitted. "And given the strategic situation, it's got to be put to use for ninja. For wartime applications."
"Yes, I understand the need," Bonhomme said, sighing softly. "There are many ways to fight a war though. Strength of arms is not always the only means."
Tsunade nodded with a little smile. "My sensei, the former Third Hokage, would have agreed with you," she said gently. "I'm trying to promote the same path, despite a lot of pushback."
"Then I am glad to be able to contribute," Bonhomme said with a nod. Tsunade shot him a wry look.
"How, you of course won't tell me," Tsunade sniffed. She saw his eyes crinkle in a slight smile.
"You could deduce how, of course," Bonhomme replied. Tsunade glanced back at Jack, who was trying to look like he wasn't getting away from Anko, but he was. She was smirking broadly at him.
"Come on, you looked!" She insisted. Jack shook his head violently.
"I didn't! I swear I didn't!"
"Then how are my nipples hard, hmmm?" Anko asked. The boy blushed hard, looking away.
"You-You're not wearing a bra! Or anything!"
"How could you tell if you didn't look~?" Anko teased. Jack grumbled, trying to vanish in his scarf. Tsunade looked back, eyebrows raised at Bonhomme.
"I'm guessing you'll use him to produce the water needed in the form of ice," she deadpanned. "Which anyone could figure out. But you? You've got something else going on."
Bonhomme chuckled. "I have far too much experience with parlor games to reveal my cards all at once, my lady," he said with a nod.
"Oh really? What kind of games would those be?" Tsunade asked with a smirk.
"Now now my lady, gambling is a vice men and women of good character should avoid," Bonhomme replied.
"Who said anything about me having good character?" Tsunade asked. To this, the American just chuckled and said no more.
- - -
They arrived at the villages, and Bonhomme immediately got to work. He produced some surveying telescopes and with Jack and Anko's assistance, soon mapped out the entire area's topography. He was of course fast, very fast. Tsunade kept up with him without trouble. He then drew up a plan, and presented it to the villagers. After looking it over, they agreed with his figures and Richard immediately got to work.
They went out to a hill nearby a local stream, and Bonhomme began issuing "requests" that felt like orders.
"My Lady Hokage, if you would kindly destroy this hill?" He directed her. Tsunade grinned, and cracked her knuckles.
"Certainly," she replied, and moved. Like a wrecking ball, she smashed the hill with multiple punches and kicks-Soon reducing it to a rubble filled crater. Water from the stream began to fill it, but slowly.
To her inner disappointment, Richard didn't react at all. He then nodded to Jack, who was still blushing whenever his sight even got close to Anko's vicinity.
"Jack, if you would?" Bonhomme stated. Jack pulled out his staff and leaped into the air. He produced a slide of ice with his staff, and slid through the air atop it. He fired off a powerful stream of ice and cold into the crater, pushing the rocks and rubble out to form a wall around it. Richard then strode forward, and knelt down. He pressed his hand to the ground, and Tsunade felt the chakra flow through him into the earth, and back again.
Thick tree trunks erupted around the rubble wall, sprouting their leaves and fruit in seconds. Richard then nodded to Anko.
"Miss Mitarashi, if you would melt the ice?" He asked. Anko chuckled, shooting a little smolder at Jack who hid in his hoodie. She leaped up and unleashed a fire jutsu, turning the iceberg into a pool of water. She landed in front of the retaining pond, a satisfied look on her face.
Bonhomme nodded appreciatively.
"I believe ten such reservoirs will sustain the villages until adequate replenishment can be obtained naturally," the Agent spoke. He reached up with his sword and cut a few branches of the tree off, catching them in his other hand. He presented the red fruit to Tsunade.
She took them, and eyed them with a smile. She could see Richard's eyes in a similar smile.
"I believe you call them sakura," he said, "but we call them cherry trees."
Tsunade took a bite of one of the cherries. It was delicious. She gave him a nod.
"No pits? That must have taken a lot of practice," she observed. Bonhomme nodded back.
"It did indeed," he said. He turned to Jack. "Let's go, Jack. Next one should be about a quarter of a mile north of here."
"Yes sir," Jack said with a nod.
"Come on kid! You're not going to run out of stamina that fast, are you?" Anko taunted. Jack scowled back at her.
"I've got plenty of stamina! I could go all day if I could! And I'm not a kid! I'm 19, ya know!" He shouted back. Anko hummed thoughtfully.
"All day, hmmm? I suppose we could test that out," she suggested with a grin from men's fantasies. Jack turned redder than the cherries in Tsunade's hand, and shot off on his ice bridge. "HEY! Wait up!" Anko cried, leaping after him.
Tsunade shook her head. "Is there a reason he's so... Uptight?" She asked.
"Jack has had some... Issues with relating to others," Bonhomme said carefully. "His life was quite lonely, due to his abilities. He lived on the streets for a time." He let out a soft sigh. "I am doing my best for him."
"You seem to take it personally," Tsunade observed. Bonhomme stiffened, just a little. He gave her a wan eye smile.
"Men are responsible for their circumstances by their choices... But the choices given them can be influenced by the powerful, the greedy, and the ignorant." He looked back at his retreating pupil. "Everything America has been through, everything it has been and done... I cannot help but wonder what I could have done better. Had I known."
"I know the weight of a lifetime's regrets," Tsunade said quietly. "I also know that without hope, they'll just crush you."
Bonhomme nodded.
"I thought my job was done, to be honest. That I had been given my eternal reward," he admitted. "I was thrust into this situation, pulled back. With duties so huge, so massive, it seemed impossible for anyone to manage them. Even for men with powers like this." He looked back at Tsunade with a slow nod. "It is for his freedom, his smile, and the smiles of those like him, that I continue. So that one day, I might be able to rest again."
He paused, and looked slightly embarrassed. "My apologies, my lady. I did not mean to be so informal-"
Tsunade gave him a genuine, warm smile.
"Sometimes, you need to talk about these things and get them out in the open," Tsunade said, her brown eyes filled with gentle warmth. "You need to open up and let the light in, even if you think there's nothing but darkness."
Her thoughts turned to the orange clad ninja who had done that for her, on the other side of the world. Her smile grew.
"And sometimes you need someone to beat some sense into you, to show you there's still hope. Even for people like us," she finished. Bonhomme slowly nodded.
"In the end, hope is all we have," he agreed. "I believe we should continue, Lady Hokage."
"Please," Tsunade said, "call me Tsunade. But only in private, hm?"
He nodded back slowly.
"Then, when we are under the same circumstances," he spoke, "please... Call me George."
Because hey... He was that awesome. Happy Fourth of July!