I awoke rested, and calm, and warm.

Sunlight streamed through the windows, illuminating the pale blues and seafoam green of the curtains that hung over them.

Kylo's arms were banded around me, one arm under my neck and wrapped around my shoulders, and the other was draped across my waist, his hand on my stomach. His legs were tangled in mine, and his face was pressed against my neck, his breathing deep and even.

It was comfortable enough to be uncomfortable. And, the warmth of his body behind and around mine was bordering on excessive.

His breath on the sensitive skin of my neck was doing….interesting things to my body. Each exhale sent a tingle through me, and had heat pooling in my belly. No, lower, to a place I'd never felt tingles or heat before. I bit my lip, clenching my knees together, but his leg between mine prevented such movement.

I twisted, trying to wiggle out of his grasp, but he buried his face further into the crook of my neck and shoulder, his arms tightening around me, as if to keep me from vanishing.

The new angle of his breath, and the fact that his lips and nose were now against my neck definitely did not help the heat or the tingles, and I found myself wanting to tilt my head a little more, arch into the caress of his skin, and grind against the part of him I felt pressing against my backside.

I blushed at such thoughts, and twisted again, more forcefully, to roll onto my back and look at him.

His eyes slid open, and we stared at each other. Though I'd never woken up next to another person in my life, and the man I'd woken up next to was the most feared man in the galaxy, I'd never felt more secure. The thought of being in his bed, in his arms, of waking up next to him had once been terrifying, and now I couldn't remember why.

He blinked once, then a second time, and his brow furrowed. "Rey?" His eyes widened, and he started to pull away, lifting his arm off of me. He looked down at his bare legs entangled with mine, and his eyes went to my chemise, the thin silk the only barrier between us. "Why are we...how-" His breathing hitched, as he pulled further away. "Are you..."

And devastation filled his eyes, his voice as he said, "Did I…?"

I brought my hands up to cradle his face between them. "No." I told him, shaking my head. "No, I asked you to get in bed with me, but we didn't do anything."

He sighed in relief and pressed his forehead to mine, eyes closed, his arm going around me once more.

"Last night is just a blur." He said.

I stroked his cheek, smiling at the stubble there. I'd never been so close to a man, never felt the roughness of a face needing a shave.

"When I watched you walk away from me after the disaster in the dining hall, I knew I'd never see you again." He said. "I knew that you would take the ship I had prepared, and I told my Knights to stand down, to let you go."

His eyes opened, and he pulled away just enough to look at me, his massive hand coming up to hold my face, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. "But, you stayed."

I nodded and a wide smile spread across his face, creasing dimples I hadn't known he had. My stomach fluttered.

His smile faded, and his eyes sparkled with wonder as they searched mine. "Why?"

I looked at his lips, at my hands still on either side of his face, then my gaze met his again. "Because I wanted to."

He closed his eyes, letting a heavy breath out of his nose, and the smile slowly crept back. His brow creased and he looked at me. "I didn't know how badly I wanted to hear you say that."

I moved my hand to brush my knuckles across his cheek. "I want to stay with you. I want to finish our work here, and then I want you to take me home."

His face fell and eyes searched mine again. "Home?"

I nodded. "To your palace on Mustafar."

He sighed, his smile spreading.

My heart was pounding, my breathing erratic, as I met his eyes again. "And, we...I mean, I...you…" A blush blazed across my face and ears. I wanted to tell him that I wanted to maybe try some acts of physical intimacy, but I couldn't find the words.

He shook his head. "No."

My eyebrows pulled together. "No?"

"You're not ready." He said, "And that's ok." He pressed a kiss on my forehead, right at my hairline. "I want you to be absolutely sure. I don't care how long I have to wait."

Something relaxed in my chest, and I nodded, my throat going tight.

He rolled over onto his back, and I tried not to be disappointed at his sudden withdrawal, but he groaned and rubbed his forehead with his hand that wasn't still pinned under me. I thought about snuggling closer to him, laying my head on his chest, wrapping myself around him as he'd done, but I didn't have the nerve.

"Why did you drink so much last night?" I asked.

He peered over at me. "You've seen me drink before."

"Yes." I agreed. "But never drunk. You take your few drinks, and you're still you. But, last night…you weren't."

His eyes darkened. "Did I do anything I should apologize for?"

"No."

"Then what do you mean I wasn't me?"

I frowned. "You...fell apart." He shifted uncomfortably and looked away. I went on. "You told me I don't know you. You told me you wanted me to leave you. You said you didn't care if you started a war with my grandfather."

He slipped his arm out from under me and sat up, reaching down on the floor for his pants and pulling them on. He turned to face me. "You don't know me." He said.

I sat up. "Excuse me?"

He raked his fingers through his hair. "Rey, there is a reason people think I'm a monster. There's a reason people are afraid of me."

"You can't tell me that." I argued. "A monster would've done exactly what those people accused you of yesterday."

He slipped his hands into his pockets. "So because I find rape to be abhorrent, that undoes everything that I have done?"

"I dont know what you've done." I reminded him. "I dont know you as anything other than my husband."

"I'm also Snoke's son." He spat. "I'm also Supreme Leader. I'm also King of Mustafar. And, I have twenty-nine years of life, of War, of hard decisions I made that still keep me up at night, that you have no idea about." He shook his head. "I am the monster that they warned you about."

I flung the covers back and got out of bed, standing on my toes to be as level with him as possible. He still towered over me. "Then why did you tell me that you didn't care what me leaving would do to you?" I asked, my voice filled with icy fury.

He flinched.

The most powerful man in the galaxy and I'd made him flinch.

He moved closer to me, so close i could feel the heat radiating off of his bare chest. "That ship, that money, that declaration in the dining hall that you didn't need my permission to leave, I was giving you a clear way out. And I wanted you to take it because I don't deserve you."

I lowered myself onto the flats of my feet as he went on. "You are so good, and so innocent and gods you are so fucking young and you see this universe for what it could be because you haven't been broken by it. You see me for what I could be, and not for what I've done, and I-" He caught himself. "I dont deserve to be in the same room with you, let alone wake up with you in my arms. Because you want to be there!"

He took a step back. "But I'm so fucking selfish that I want it. I want you - fuck- I want you so badly I can't see straight. But, what I want more, which is really fucking terrifying because I've never wanted anything as much as I want you, is to deserve you." He retreated another step. "I wanted you to go because you don't deserve to be damned to a life with me, and when I thought you had, when I thought you'd taken the ship and left, I was prepared to withstand the fallout. But I nearly drank myself into oblivion because i wasn't prepared for how much it fucking destroyed me."

And there it was. The truth. I should have stayed. I should have talked it out with him. We should have faced it, dealt with it, together, but I stormed into the bathroom like a coward and snatched on my gown from last night.

When I emerged, he was gone.