He abruptly pulled away. "Wait."

"No, no more waiting." I crushed my lips to his. If we stopped now, I may lose my nerve, and it had taken every ounce of it to actually say what I'd said in the hallway.

He tore his mouth from mine with an audible smack. "I cannot just dump you on the bed and have at it."

I frowned, my forehead creasing. "Why not?"

He laughed once, setting me down on my feet. "Because I'm covered in cake." He kissed my forehead and headed toward the bathing room.

I heard the splash of water and fought an urge to fidget. My blood pounded in my ears, and I tried to focus on my breathing. I'd asked for this. I wanted this. It's Kylo, I reminded myself, it's Kylo.

I sighed, kicking off my sandals, then reached up to pull the pins from my hair. His cool, damp hand caught my wrist, and I looked up at him to find that his face was clean, light gleaming on the water still on his jaw.

"May I?"

I nodded my permission and he stepped behind me to gently begin unraveling my hair, soothing every strand. It wasn't sexual, but it was so incredibly intimate, that I felt more exposed than I did when I'd been laid naked in front of him. I tried to slow my pulse, tried to cool the heat rising in me.

Tried. And failed utterly.

His fingers grazed the skin on my neck as he pulled my hair back and I shivered, my breath hitching.

"If you've changed your mind-" He began, but I shook my head, silencing him before he could finish.

I turned to look at him, my eyes going to his full lips before meeting his eyes. "I haven't."

"I don't have protection." He said, as if that information was the deal breaker that would have me fleeing into the night.

"Protection?" I echoed, not understanding.

"A...condom." He clarified.

A laugh broke out of my chest. "Why the hell would you wear a condom?" The idea was ridiculous. We weren't even close to my fertility week.

He stilled. "I've never had sex without a condom."

I fought back a smile so hard it made my cheeks ache. "Neither have I."

He snorted out a laugh.

That sound undid something tight in my chest, and I relaxed.

I smiled, taking a deep breath, and threw an arm over his shoulders, cupping the back of his neck and pulling him down to kiss him. He opened his mouth for me, letting me brush my tongue across his, and I moaned at the taste of him.

I ran my hands over the fine black wool covering his shoulders, and pushed it off. He shifted his left shoulder, then his right, letting it fall into a heap on the floor. I moved to his tie, my fingers trembling as I pulled the knot loose. I undid the buttons of his shirt and waistcoat and pulled them open, trailing my fingers over the ripples and ropes of taut muscle on his chest and stomach.

His arms banded around me, pulling me to him, his hands caressing the bare skin of my back before sliding under the fabric of my dress to pull it off of my shoulders. I pulled my arms free of the glittering fabric, then tugged it down, over my hips, letting it fall into a pool of stardust at our feet.

I broke away from the kiss with a gasp as his hands cupped my breasts, his calluses scraping across my nipples, and they hardened under his touch. That familiar ache throbbed between my legs, deep and insistent, and I clamped my thighs together for some sort of friction.

It didn't work.

I rose up on my toes, capturing his lips with my own, yielding to him, pressing my bare chest to his as I pushed his shirt and vest off of his shoulders. His hands left me to pull his arms free of the sleeves, then came to cup my face.

I had a bit more confidence when I reached for his pants. I unclasped his belt, then the button on his waistband, the silence between us interrupted by his zipper. I pulled them off of his hips so that they fell with the rest of our clothing, then wasted no time relieving him of his boxers.

He threw his head back with a groan, his hips bucking into my touch. The first time I'd touched him, I'd been too afraid to look, but now, I wrapped my fingers around him, letting my gaze fall and nearly gasped.

He was just as large as I'd thought. Though his skin was soft, almost silky, he was hard as granite underneath. I stroked up, to the tip, then back down, wetness slicking between my thighs as my body clenched with the need of him.

I lifted my gaze to his face and found him looking at me with eyes the color of warm bourbon. I expected him to ask me what I wanted, or to have me verbalize what was ok for him to do, but he stepped out of his shoes and pants, and sat down on the bed, his hands resting at his sides.

My brow creased. "Why are you stopping?"

His eyes hardened a bit. "I've never….had to be gentle, during sex. I've never been scared of hurting someone before."

But, from the look on his face, in his eyes, he was terrified of hurting me. "I've already told you that I want to do this." I reminded him.

"Which is why I'm not stopping you." He moved back onto the bed until he was leaning against the headboard and looked at me, waiting. Not asking me to join him, not telling me what to do or where to go, but giving me the reins so that this could be completely on my terms.

I hooked my thumbs under the elastic band of my panties and pushed them off my hips, down my thighs, and stepped out of them, feeling his eyes on me as I crawled onto the bed. "I don't know what to do." I said in a small voice.

He nodded, and held a hand out to me, which I took without hesitation. He pulled me toward him, his gentle touches and light caresses guiding me to straddle him, my legs on either side of his.

He was trembling nearly as much as I was, his breathing uneven as his gaze locked with mine. "Say the word and I'll stop." He said, his voice thick.

I knew that already, but I nodded. "I trust you."

He slowly moved his hand between us, his middle finger circling the tiny bundle of nerves at the height of my sex. I gasped, then moaned as he applied pressure, rubbing up and down, then side to side. He slid further down and dove his finger into me, cursing at the wetness he found.

"I'm going to add a finger." He rasped.

I nodded again, and felt him withdraw, then gasped when he slid back in, filling me almost uncomfortably, the stretch stinging a bit.

"Is this ok?" He asked, his hand going still, waiting for me.

"Yes." I panted, swiveling my hips, grinding down into his fingers. I felt them curl, stroking the front of my inner walls, hitting a spot inside of me that had my eyes rolling back. He began to pump, in and out, and I put my hands on his shoulders to steady myself, my thighs shaking with the strain of keeping myself up.

He pulled out, took himself into his hand, smearing my wetness on his cock, and positioned himself. He looked up at me, the devotion in his eyes outweighing the hunger. He wanted this, he wanted me, but he wasn't going to take anything from me. He was giving me time to change my mind, completely unconcerned with his own pleasure, his own need.

I put my hand over his, guiding his cock back, his broad head sliding through my wet folds. His lips parted, his breath shuddering out of him, his eyes never leaving mine as I felt him nudge open my entrance, slipping at the slickness there.

He took his hand away, letting both of them fall at his sides.

I should have slowly lowered myself, taken him in inch by inch, made this moment last as long as I possibly could. But I didn't want to. I wanted him. All of him. I took in a breath and held it, then sank down, sheathing him to the hilt in one swift, brutal movement. His strangled groan of surprise matched my cry of pain and I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling him go still beneath me.

I opened my eyes to find him staring at me, his gaze agonizingly tender. The pain hadn't been what I was anticipating, and I was left with a feeling of him, of his body under mine, of his heated length filling me.

My hands went to his face, and I leaned forward to kiss him, but the shift of my pelvis against his sent a bolt of pleasure searing through me. I gasped, that gasp turning to a moan when I sat back, and another wave of pleasure hit. I looked at Kylo, his eyes wholly glazed and his jaw tight.

He looked at where our bodies were joined, then back up at me, his eyes fluttering closed as I shifted, rolling my hips experimentally. A growl rumbled out of him and I whimpered.

"Are you ok?" He breathed, looking up at me.

"Yes." I sighed, rocking my hips. He shifted beneath me, making my breath catch in my throat. I rocked again, then again, feeling him move inside me, the friction sending sparks of pleasure through me, coiling higher and higher. It was too much, and not enough. More. I need more.

I leaned forward, closing the distance between us and crushed my mouth to his, our kiss open as I continued to move. His lips moved to my throat, soundly planting suckling kisses down my neck, and across my collarbone. I arched my back, my hands bracing on his thighs, the new angle sending pleasure sparking through me. I couldn't breathe fast enough, couldn't move on him fast enough, couldn't get close enough. More, more, more.

Desire coiled tighter, hotter, building just beyond my reach, my movements growing erratic with desperation.

"Kylo, please." I begged, between pants. "Please."

His thumb slid between us, finding that bundle of nerves, and began to rub in tight circles as his other hand gripped my hip, guiding me, his hips coming up to meet mine so that he hit just the right spot. His name fell from my lips over and over, matched by his sharp pants and guttural moans.

"Rey-" He groaned, his grip tightening as he thrust up, and it was my undoing.

Release tore through me so intensely that I squeezed my eyes shut, a cry ripping its way out of my throat as my vision went white.

Seconds later, Kylo cried out, driving impossibly deep, where I felt his cock throb as he spasmed beneath me.

I fell onto his chest, trembling and spent. For a long moment, there was nothing but our panting breaths.

Kylo's hands came up to move my hair off of my shoulder, to smooth the sweat-dampened strands away from my face. He was still buried in me, but I couldn't move, didnt want to move. He extracted himself with one long, slow pull, and I was vaguely aware of his essence trickling down my thigh. I shouldn't have liked that feeling, but I did.

I wasn't sure how long we lay there, holding each other, but, the chilled night air began to make goosebumps rise on my bare skin and I shivered.

It was an effort to get us both under the blanket, but Kylo managed, rubbing my back and forearms to warm me up.

"I love you." I said, my voice sleepy and content.

He froze so completely, I couldn't even feel him breathing.

"I don't need to hear you say it back." I told him, and meant it.

His hand came to my face, and he pushed me away just enough to look up at him. His face was...devastated. Like I'd torn him apart and left him in ruin. His thumb stroked my cheekbone.

"You know, don't you?" He asked, his voice shaking.

Of course I knew. There was nothing else I was more sure of.

I nodded. "I know." That was why I didn't need to hear him say it.

He frowned. "I'm sorry I can't-"

"It's ok." I offered him a small smile. "You'd never make me do or say anything I wasn't comfortable with, and I'm not going to make you."

He seemed to relax a bit.

"I still want to say it to you, if that's ok."

"That's ok." He made a face and looked down at me. "But, can we come up with something for me to say because I feel like such a dick when I don't say it back."

A laugh rasped out of me, and I realized that my throat was sore. I realized that a lot of me was sore. "How about," I said. "You keep count of all the times you want to say it, and tell me the number."

He considered for a moment. "I can handle that. Starting now?"

I nodded. "Starting now."

"One."

I smiled against his chest. "See? It's easy."

His thumb stoked my cheek again, as that unyielding devotion filed his eyes. "As easy as breathing."