I put my hand on the metal handle and stopped, closing my eyes and taking a breath before pulling the door open and stepping inside.

She looked up at me from where she sat in the hospital bed, propped up on several pillows. She was in a white gown with tiny blue polka-dots, and her hair was up, pulled away from the bandaged wounds on her neck.

"May I come in?" I asked, and she let out a breath, her shoulders visibly relaxing.

"Yes."

I hesitated. "Door open or closed?" The last thing I wanted was for her to feel trapped. I'd literally throw myself on a saber before I threatened her in any way.

She looked down, her face darkening. "Open, please."

I let the door swing to rest against the wall, and pointed to the chair next to her bed. "Is it ok if I sit?"

Her eyes darted to the chair, then to me, and she nodded.

I walked toward it, hunching my shoulders to make myself smaller, and pulled it to the other side of her bed before I sat down. This way, no part of me was obstructing her way to the only exit. It may have been overkill, but I needed her to know that she was safe with me.

The sense of her power had filled the room, and it was impossible not to notice the tiny tinge of my darkness entwined with hers. I couldn't help the excitement that hit me again as I recognized it.

She gasped, and her face fell. "You know?"

I still wasn't used to her being able to hear my thoughts or feel what I was feeling. There was no point in lying to her, so I nodded.

Her face crumpled, and fat tears silently rolled down her face.

My instincts kicked in to go to her, to comfort her, and I gripped the arm rests of my chair to keep myself seated.

"I'm sorry." I said around a growing lump in my throat. I wanted to beg her to let me near her, but I couldn't. She'd been through so much, endured so much. It didn't feel right to ask her for anything.

"I wanted to be the one to tell you." She whispered. She laid a hand on her belly, on the slight curve between her hips. "I tried so many times to get away, to get back to you because I wanted to tell you."

I felt the crack as understanding broke my heart along with hers. Wanting to tell me about our baby had kept her fighting, had kept her alive, and I was furious that it had been taken from her.

She looked up at me, her hazel eyes glassy. "You are feeling so much all at once."

I instinctively reinforced my mental shields, though I knew they were nearly useless with her.

She trailed a finger along the blanket covering her belly, uncertainty written across her features. "Would you tell me why you're angry?"

My eyebrows pulled together. "Angry?" I echoed. I wasn't angry, at least not with her.

She frowned. "I know we were trying to avoid getting pregnant."

Were we, though? We'd had a few conversations about waiting, but we'd also had a few times where we found ourselves without protection, and had to improvise. Mostly by ways of the pull out method, though there were instances of us just blindly trusting our calculations of her cycle, and using no birth control because we didn't think she was ovulating.

We'd obviously miscalculated.

"I'm not angry." I assured her. Quite the opposite, actually. The feeling that swelled in me was a happiness unlike anything I'd ever felt before. It was different from when I married Rey, really married her on Lothar, although that had been the single greatest moment of my existence. Knowing that the woman I loved was carrying my child was a high I'd never get enough of. "How long have you known?" I asked.

Her jaw worked as she remembered, her eyes on the hand resting on her belly. "After I was taken off of the transport vessel, I was vomiting several times a day, and couldn't eat, I still can't eat because the smell of food makes me sick."

I remembered the breakfast and tea I had made her sitting in the hallway, untouched.

"I thought it was stress." She said, "Thought that was why I wasn't getting my period, too. But, then I did the math, and I did it again, and again, and…" I heard her swallow. "No one could know, I couldn't tell anyone, so I did whatever I had to do to keep it a secret." She looked up at me, and her eyes were glassy. "I know I said I wasn't ready to have a baby, but as soon as I found out, I realized how badly I wanted it."

I gave her a nod of understanding. I wanted it, too. I wanted it with her, if she would have me.

Her brow furrowed. "Why would you think I wouldn't have you?"

I cursed myself for not guarding my thoughts better, but decided that now was the time to be honest with her. My chest tightened, and I took a deep breath. "Because I'm someone that I don't recognize."

The line between her brows deepened. "What do you mean?"

I thought of all that I'd done, all that I'd not done since losing her, and tried to decide which I should start with, my broken Knighthood, my destroyed palace, the war with Brendol, or my festering addiction.

I decided on the least damning thing. "I can't take you home because we no longer have a home." I admitted.

She took it alot better than I thought, considering I'd just told her we were essentially homeless. "Why?" She asked. "Was your power unleashed again?"

"It was." I told her. "But, our palace was destroyed, as well as parts of the city when Arkanis attacked."

Her eyes widened as her face lost its color. "You're at war with Arkanis?"

Of course she would piece it together.

"Ushar broke into the mind of the Official, and when he learned that he'd sold you to Hux, I went after you." I said, solemnly. "You were already gone, but the blast from your power was still there, and I-" My words choked on the burn in my throat as I remembered. "I confronted him, and he showed me what he did to you."

She paled further. "Kylo, what have you done?"

I looked away, not answering, but that didn't stop the memories from playing on my head, and she let out a horrified moan, bringing both of her hands up to cover her face.

I closed my eyes, a wave of nausea rolling my stomach as his memories invaded mine, though I tried to stop them.

She stilled, seeing it as clearly as I did, and looked at me. "Is that what he showed you?"

I nodded tightly.

"And you believed him?"

My blood stopped. Believe him? I'd seen what he'd done, I'd relived it over and over these past three months, had nightmares about it. I'd drank myself into a blackout every night just to forget it. What did she mean, believe him?

She held her hand out to me. "Do you want to see what really happened?"

I looked at her hand, at the tube taped there that snaked up her arm, and shook my head. "No." I'd seen it through his eyes, I couldn't bear to see it through hers.

She sighed, lowering her hand. "I told Vicrul after what happened on Lothar that I wanted to learn how to defend myself." I'd already known that, but I said nothing, and she went on. "He brought in a female captain, one who was about his height and weight, and that's who I trained with the last few months. It's how I was able to fight Hux as long as I did, but he did get me against the desk, as you saw."

"You don't have to tell me." In fact, I would beg her not to.

"The offer is still open to show you." She countered, and I ground my teeth together, not budging. "What Hux didn't show you, was me stabbing him in the thigh."

My gaze flew up to her and I felt my brow crease, my mind screeching to a halt. "You did what?"

She held up her right hand, showing me her palm, the purple scar there and on her pinky. "There was a letter opener on the desk, and when I stabbed him, my hand slipped."

Because a letter opener wouldn't have a guard on the hilt. And, if she'd cut herself stabbing him, that explained the blood i'd found on the piece of her skirt in his room. She offered her hand to me a third time, and I stood, watching her for any reaction as I walked toward her. She stared up at me, unflinching.

I took her hand in mine, and I was pulled into her mind. She was beaten, bleeding and panting as she cradled her injured hand to her chest, moving back to put distance between herself, and Hux, who grunted as he pulled the dull blade from his flesh. It glinted red as he dropped it to the floor, his blood flowing freely from the wound. His green eyes cut up to meet hers, and her blood ran cold, the air around her crackling as he launched himself at her.

To be blasted back by the light that erupted out of her.

He went sailing, his head meeting the wall with a deafening crack, and he slumped to the floor, unconscious.

She pulled her hand away, and I blinked, my eyes focusing on her.

"He didn't-"

"He tried." She clarified. "He got close. But, as soon as I realized that I couldn't stop him, that's when my power called the letter opener to my hand."

Relief so profound it made my chest ache rocked me to my core, followed by the crushing blow of reality.

He'd lied. And, I fell for it. I dragged my kingdom and my people into a stupid, senseless war because his head games had bested me.

"You've also done a lot of good." She insisted, hearing my thoughts as if I'd said them outloud. "You saved two hundred women."

"I was only trying to find you." I confessed. "I burned those ports to the ground, and I killed who I had to kill, and I warped the minds of anyone who got in my way, and what does it matter who I saved, when I couldn't even find you?"

She frowned, pained darkness clouding her face. "I know what you saved those women from, Kylo." She said, her eyes filling with furious tears. "It matters."

The Bond between us trembled and for the briefest of moments, I was able to feel her torment and anguish and shame before she barricaded herself behind her mental shield. Her power may have saved her from Hux, but there were other horrors that she'd endured, and did not want me to see.

"You should rest." I said to her, lifting my hand to move her hair away from her face, but I stopped myself, and put my hands into my pockets.

"I've rested enough." She argued, and her eyes focused on the door behind me. I turned, and saw a petite woman in green scrubs.

"I'm Doctor Siddiqi, and I'm the obstetrician on call." She introduced. "We need to do an ultrasound."

I looked back at Rey who gripped my arm, her fingers fisting in the fabric of my sleeve. I put my hand over hers, and she lifted panicked eyes to meet mine. "I'll tell them that it can wait." I offered.

She shook her head. "No, it can't."

Her hold on me didn't loosen as the nurses set the monitor up. The machine hooked to her began to beep in warning at her elevated heart rate, and the staff reminded her to breathe. They explained everything thoroughly, telling her in detail what they were doing, and waited for her to give them the go ahead before proceeding.

"Do you want me to step out?" I asked. I didn't want to, but I would, if she needed me to.

But, she clung to me with both arms. "Please don't."

The nurse informed her that she would need to see her abdomen, and though Rey nodded her permission, the machine beeped in warning again as her breaths became quick pants. She was spiraling, her mind quickly fraying, and her power roiled in warning.

I knelt down next to her. "Did you know that when I was seventeen, my mother told me about you?"

She blinked, and turned her head, her eyes focusing on me. "She did?"

I nodded. "She had what's called Force Vision, and she could see things before they happened."

Her hand tightened around mine as the nurse lifted her gown, pushing it up to expose the barely noticeable swell of her belly.

"What did she tell you?"

"That I would get married, and that I would love my wife." I told her, without hesitating.

Her eyes widened a bit, brightened, but she winced as the nurse smeared a clear goo low across her abdomen.

"Does it hurt?" I asked, a sharp edge of panic in my voice.

She shook her head. "No, it's cold."

I relaxed a bit. "And, when she told me this, she saw you or me, or you and me together, but whatever she saw, it made her smile." Water stung my eyes as I remembered, and I blinked it away. "It made her happy."

Rey's eyes lined with water as well.

I wanted so badly to reach out, to take her face in my hands, to catch her tears as they fell, and kiss them away, but I couldn't. "Knowing that I would have you, love you, it made her happy." I told her, and her bottom lip started to quiver.

A rapid, rhythmic thump filled the room, and it had both of our heads whirling to look at the nurse, who spun the monitor for us to see the screen. To see the profiled outline of the baby's head, their arm, their chest, and the vibraint flutter of their heart.

"There she is." Rey whispered, awe making her voice sound far away.

I couldn't help the hot tears that blurred my vision, and streaked down my face.

The baby's signature had always been tinged with my darkness, but it was softer, sweeter. It made sense that it would be a girl.

"Is she alright?" She demanded, looking at the nurse.

"Measuring fourteen weeks, and healthy." The other woman told her.

Rey and I let out a collective sigh of relief.

"I'll have to do more scans to make sure, and to confirm the sex, though it may be too early, yet." The nurse turned the monitor back toward herself.

Rey looked up at me, a genuine smile lighting her face. "She's alright." She said with a sigh, laying her head back against her pillow. It was the first smile I'd seen in three months, and I was struck by the rush of feelings it stirred in my chest. The ache of her absence was still there, still fresh, reminding me of the hell of trying to live without her.

She's out. She's safe. I chanted to myself. But an overwhelming feeling of guilt encompassed me, and I knew that I had to make it right.

After the scans, she was given medication and was actually able to eat without getting sick. She was sleeping when I left and walked the streets of my city, past the palace that was being rebuilt, and to the training ring on top of the hill. I saw the red dust, and heard the familiar thud of padded punches.

He stopped mid swing when he heard me approach, and landed one more blow to the practice dummy before he turned to look at me, rolling his shoulder in its brace. I stopped outside of the white chalk line.

I could feel the hostility rolling off of him, I could see carefully guarded pain on his green-hazel eyes. I took a deep breath, preparing for everything. "Hey, Vic."