I held my hands up as one would to show that they were unarmed. "I just want to talk."
He let out a heavy sigh and began to unravel the white linen covering his left hand. "So talk." He walked toward his duffle bag. I watched him, everything I had to say roaring in my head all at once, and the words withered and died on my tongue.
For most of my life, Vic was what grounded me, what kept me sane, and now, I couldn't even speak to him.
He slung his bag over his good shoulder and started down the hill, making it several feet behind me when I finally found my voice.
"Thank you." I blurted, and he stopped, though he didn't turn. "For finding her." I amended. I had her back, she was alive, she was safe, because of him. Id burned and killed and tortured my way through the galaxy to get her back, and I hadn't even been close. I could never thank him enough.
"And, I'm sorry." I said. "I'm sorry for what I said, for blaming you. What happened to Rey, what happened to you, and everything after, it wasn't your fault, it's mine." I should have done more than talk to the Official those months before the attack, when I'd told them I was staying married to her. I should have made sure that the contract was rewritten. I should have fought harder for the entire practice of buying wives to be annulled. I should have left my meeting that day, I should have gone with her, and I didnt. "Everything just fell apart and I couldn't deal-"
"Yeah, so you drank." He cut in, finally looking at me, his hazel gaze spearing through me. "Like you always do when things get too much for you to handle."
That blow knocked the breath out of me, but I nodded. "You're right." I said, with a shrug. My way of self medicating, of not dealing with my problems or emotions, it was a pattern. There was no point in trying to deny it. It was so much easier to drink than to actually feel the loss of her. Hell, the loss of both of them, along with the loss of my brother's admiration and respect.
"You're not the only one who lost her, Ky." He pointed out. "Just like you're not the only one who loves her. We all do."
"It is not the same." I snarled, clenching my fists to keep from lashing out. I didn't want to fight with him, but there was no way he could compare how he and my Knights loved her, and how I did.
"Isn't it?" He demanded. "All six of us watched you nearly grieve yourself to death after Mom was killed. All six of us had to stand by while you tried to drink and fuck your pain away, and all six of us watched you come back to life after you married her." He shook his head. "Rey gave us back our brother, Ky, of course we love her. We know what losing her did to you, because we all had to watch you fall apart."
"And, you left." I reminded him.
He gave me an incredulous look. "And, you think I abandoned you when you needed me, is that it?"
"No." I said. It wasn't a lie. Not entirely. "I know you left because of what I said."
"I left to find Rey." He corrected. "What, was I expected to just sit back while you fucking obliterated yourself and everything around you?" His duffle bag dropped to the ground at his feet as he let it go. "What you said was nothing but the truth. You trusted me, and I failed."
"Vic, that's not-" I shook my head.
"It is." He insisted, cutting me off. "And, I left because finding her was the only thing that was going to stop you, to save you."
Again, he was right. If he hadn't found Rey, the outcome for me would've been getting myself killed in a drop raid, or drinking myself to death.
"How did you find her?" I asked. I promised myself I wouldn't, that it didn't matter, but I wasn't exactly a master of self control.
He looked down. "I followed her Force signature."
I felt my forehead crease. "How?"
"After Kadavo, when we learned that he'd collared her." He took a moment to compose himself before continuing. "Something that you mentioned stuck with me. That you felt your darkness in her power."
I nodded, remembering.
"I couldn't get that out of my head." He said. "And, her power was too new, we'd never felt it, so I couldn't track it, but I know what your darkness feels like. I had this theory that if I completely severed the Bond with you and the other Knights, that I'd be able to sense your darkness out in the galaxy and follow it to her."
"Why didn't you tell us?"
"I didn't want to get your hopes up," he admitted. "In case I was wrong."
"My darkness isn't in Rey's power." I told him.
His brow crinkled.
"It's in the baby's power." I said. "Rey is pregnant."
While I wasn't expecting him to react as Ap'lek had, I had hoped he would be happy, show some bit of excitement. Instead, the lines around his eyes deepened as the corners of his mouth turned down.
"She was pregnant when they took her." He said, solemnly.
I nodded.
He brought his hands up to scrub his face. "Is - are they ok?"
"They have to do more scans to confirm, but yes, they're ok."
He let out a relieved sigh.
"Vic, I have to fix what's broken between us. I can't imagine having this baby and not having you as her uncle."
His eyes narrowed. "Her?"
I nodded again. "Rey says it's a girl."
He looked down, and was silent for a long moment while he considered. "You're still my brother, Ky, and what's broken between us is the same thing that's broken between you and everyone else."
Confusion creased my brow.
He turned eyes back up to me. "Does Rey know about the drinking?"
That was the second time he'd taken the breath out of me with just a few words. "I can stop drinking." I insisted.
His expression didn't change as he bent down to retrieve his bag. "Prove it." He motioned for me, and I fell into step beside him as he walked down the hill and toward the townhouse.
"Hopefully construction of the palace will be completed soon." He said, casually. "Our current living situation is pretty cramped."
I huffed out a grunt of agreement. I'd been sleeping on the sectional sofa with Ushar taking the other half, while Vic slept on the fold out in the partially finished basement.
"If Rey was pregnant when they took her, that reinstates your contract with her, doesn't it?"
"I think so." I was still fuzzy on the details. "I have to get with Ap'lek, meet with the Officials-"
"The two that are left." He added, dryly.
I shrugged in indifference. The third official practically killed himself, signing his own death warrant when he signed the marriage contract with Hux. The added fact that Rey was pregnant when he took her from me made it particularly difficult to find an ounce of sympathy for his rather gruesome demise.
"How are you going to tell Beau?" Vic asked, and I stopped, gravel sliding under my feet.
Because I'd forgotten, again, that Beau was someone that I had to take into consideration. I'd given her my word that she wouldn't be sold, but if my contract, my marriage, with Rey was reinstated, it didn't void my marriage to Beau, it erased it. I needed to find out exactly what I could, and couldn't do while avoiding war with Cyrilla.
I followed Vic inside where he huffed out a laugh and clapped me on my back. "No time like the present." He said, nodding toward the kitchen where Beau was pulling a sheet of cookies out of the oven.
"Thanks, brother." I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
He gave me his one dimpled grin, and walked in, throwing his bag down. "Hey, Kid." He said, stopping behind Beau.
She turned to give him a death glare.
He rolled his eyes. "I mean, hello, the incredibly mature adult, Beautryze." His voice dripped with sarcastic amusement.
Her death glare morphed into a withering death glare.
He reached up and dusted something off of her chin. "Gotta try harder to be intimidating when you're covered in flour."
"You know I hate it when you call me that." She scolded as he plucked a cookie off of the sheet and shoved it into his mouth whole.
He chuckled. "Well, which of your seventeen names should I call you, then?"
She pursed her lips in irritation, then turned her back to him. "Fine. Call me whatever you want." Her head whipped around, just as he snatched the mixing bowl off of the counter. "No! Vic, if you put your dirty fingers in my cookie dough-"
"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" He said, grinning at her as he brought up two thoroughly coated fingers, and licked them clean.
Her nostrils flared, her face going red. "Kylo." She called.
I blinked, but was too dumbfounded to answer her.
"I accidently killed Vic." She said, glaring at him. "That's alright, isn't it?"
He threw his head back and laughed. "How would you manage that?" He scooped another glob out of the bowl and popped it into his mouth.
"That cookie dough-" Beau started.
"Is delicious." Vic told her.
"Contains jogan fruit." She finished, smugly.
He stopped, his mouth full of dough, and they stared at each other for a long moment before he laughed. "Man, are you a shitty liar."
She let out a frustrated growl, and stomped her foot, obviously not liking that he'd called her bluff.
The look he gave her was nothing short of adoration. "If you are not the cutest damn thing I've ever seen."
She snorted. "You're the smelliest thing I've ever seen."
"Impossible." He said, not skipping a beat. "You've lived with this guy." he motioned to me before shoving more dough in his face.
My eyes widened as Beau looked me over and shrugged. "That's fair." She turned back to the stove and picked up a spatula to begin transferring the cookies onto a plate.
"Fuck." Vic said, and put the bowl down.
She looked over her shoulder at him. "What?"
"Our appointment at the nail salon." He said, going to the sink to wash his hands.
Beau wiped her hands on a kitchen towel and handed it to him so that he could do the same. "Can we-"
"Yes." He said, with an exasperated sigh. "We can stop and get iced coffee." And she beamed up at him as they walked toward the door.
I stood, rooted to the floor for several minutes after they left."What just happened?"