XCVI. Tyrannous Sun
Alert: Malfunction detected!
Malfunction detected!
Malfunction detected!
Analysis: Regular speech patterns remain functional. Standing posture remains strong. Façade activated. Persona activated. Normandy crew appears convinced of this unit's normal functionality.
Alert: Alliance unit Commander Shepard will sustain damage unless the malfunction is eliminated!
From the outside.
Looking in.
From the outside looking in at herself.
A ventriloquist of habit controlling her movements. Marching through the Normandy with Liara at her side. Reaching the vid comm past the war room. Strength, strength, strength. Projecting strength. Projecting power. In-control. Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready for anything. Ready for the mission.
From the outside…looking in at herself.
Fighting with herself.
Losing control.
Not ready. Not ready at all.
The one motivation: the music playing in her spirit as a unifying melody. The aria of her spirit that had echoed and played before. The faraway goddess singing to her, soothing her, far closer than ever before. Approaching Thessia, nearing Thessia, the source of her imagination and fascinations. The song and the spirit and the melody chopped and screwed and hacked and skewered in this confusion. Partially broken. Static. The grinding of steel crushed and crushed and broken and broken. The hardness of this mechanical failure within her mind. Her mind should have been broken by now. Chaotic intensity from multiple attacks over the years. Multiple invasion attempts. Multiple malfunctions before this one.
Years of vaccinations against indoctrination.
Refusing to bend to society's will for her mind and her attachments.
Refusing to give in to the temptations of tribalism and nativism, of othering others when she herself was an other all along.
Refusing to be indoctrinated by the ones she loved. Quickly shedding attachments once they were no longer useful to her. Either an asset or a liability. No humanity, or only a little humanity. Gains and risks.
Malfunctions as a result of functional changes.
The one thing she'd wished to avoid. Never loving someone too much. Never too dependent on them.
She had fallen into this before. Loving someone too much. Too dependent on them. They weren't right for her. They weren't the one. Damages. Mental, emotional damages. Her mind should've been completely broken. Avoided by sheer will or serendipity. Safe pathways remained through the debris. Broken sounds such as this broken aria sounded as musical masterpieces to her. A reflection of her broken inner landscape. Broken, yet still functional. Until today. Until this emergency induction—
No humor.
She couldn't laugh.
She could not laugh at the irony.
She stood before the Normandy's QEC with Liara at her side. Liara, who seemed to know. Liara, who remained powerless to say anything. Blame? What blame? Blameless in love. Forgiveness in love. In this elevated status, Liara could do no harm. Always the best intentions. Always so compassionate. Patient.
The asari councilor. Tevos. The blue holographic form. The councilor's face, the feral white patterns. Patterns contorted in fear and emotion and begging. The most powerful asari in the galaxy, physically standing, yet pleading on bended knees.
"The situation has grown urgent. The matriarchs will soon grow desperate. For the first time in our history, Thessia is vulnerable… For all our intellect, we're outmatched by Reaper firepower."
She promised.
She promised to help.
She promised to drop everything and help ASAP.
"The refugees in Labyrinthos and other dome cities remain unharmed. Yet they may begin to harm one another in their growing unrest. We do not have the resources or facilities to house everyone indefinitely. We will need to clear out key urban residential areas to allow large swathes of our people to return home. The humans may remain underground in our facilities until Earth is safe. But until then, we must deal with the issue in front of us. Thessia is under siege… We need the Alliance to help us."
So calm.
A forced calm.
A politician's calm. A diplomat's calm.
The beading behind the councilor's eyes. Shining like marbles, wet with emotion.
Liara, in foresight: "Councilor, what about the Temple of Athame? I understand you need us to disable the devil ship first. Asmodeus remains our priority. Afterward, you advised us to reach the temple as soon as possible. Will we have permission to enter?"
"Yes, Dr. T'Soni. You and your team may freely enter the temple grounds. Please locate our people's treasure hidden behind the Goddess Athame's statue. You will need the commander's Prothean Ciphers to unlock the way forward."
Static cutting in and out.
"Commander, you are the sole ray of hope in a very dark night. Armali cannot fall. The city must survive. Thessia must survive! And I believe in you. I trust and believe in you both. The future of our civilization, our people, and our home—it is in your hands. May the goddess be with you."
Static before relentless screaming!
Banshees.
Banshees on Thessia.
The Reapers had harvested some of the asari by now. Banshees. Those shrill screams through the afternoon this time instead of night in the dark. Memories from the ardat-yakshi monastery repeating and repeating and repeating and repeating. Horrible omens of Liara turning into one of those things—from failure. Weakness. Liara, Samara, Aria, Liselle—any of them could've turned into those screaming wraiths upon failure-weakness-failure-weakness-failure-failure-FAILURE.
No room for weakness.
No room for failure.
Still a bit of time. Needing to gear up again. Choosing specialties. Choosing priorities.
In the armory in the cargo hold. The team gathered, suiting up. Everyone at once. Everyone together fighting as one unit under one command. Liara, Tali, Garrus, Kaidan, Wrex, Jack, EDI, Legion, Samara.
N7 armor.
Pausing first.
Omni-tool. Key information. Critical information. Making a change. Just in case. Just in case. Just in case.
Putting Liara's name in her will. Dr. Liara T'Soni. Beneficiary of this unit's estate. This unit's wealth, belongings, apartment, skycar. Carrying on this unit's legacy in the event of a critical mission failure.
This unit felt her heart hammering in desperation. A reminder of organic emotions. Human emotions.
Shepard looked at Liara and found only love brimming through her eyes. Love mixed with worry.
Feelings?
Feelings between them?
Not before the mission.
They needed to focus.
This unit's final act of defiance:
She chose to bring her Widow as her weapon of choice. One shot before reloading. One shot, and time.
Shaking, stabilizing breath. Forcing a calm. Breathing in. Breathing out. Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready. Returning to the CIC as captain to lead the Normandy forward. Placing the ultimate trust in Liara as her second-in-command. Leaning on her to recognize the situation and take action as needed. Trusting her.
(Liara)
As we approached my homeworld, I stood behind Shepard in her earned place on the Normandy.
There on that raised platform of the galaxy map. She leaned against the metallic railing, holding herself together. The rest of the team had gathered behind me, ready to follow Shepard's command. They'd grown so enraptured by her strength—so inspired by her leadership—that they failed to notice the truth. The truth that our captain was not okay. Shepard had become an expert at projecting what she needed to project. But I knew her. I knew her better than anyone else in the galaxy did. I'd had my competition, with the new Shadow Broker among them. I had every confidence that I held the edge. Just as I held the ultimate edge in Shepard's heart. This unintentional knife's edge; or this edge of insanity.
I should have told Shepard to stop. To not go through with this!
After Lesuss, she wasn't herself anymore. Those banshees had exposed her worst fears. Those enemies had quickly grown into Shepard's kryptonite. Given our current destination, we were bound to run into more of them. More banshees. More of those screams. More of that psychological torture against Shepard's mind and her tolerances and her overabundance of love for me. The Reapers took advantage of her in the only way they could—as cowards! So I knew Shepard needed more time—as she had confided to me in her room earlier. She needed a few more moments to breathe. She should not have charged off into battle like this so soon after the ardat-yakshi monastery. She needed to slow down!
Except I couldn't slow her down.
I felt our current path as a wave of uncontrollable currents. A tsunami growing higher and higher by the second. A massive wave of energy I couldn't stop or even hope to fight against. These circumstances had rushed me away into the current, into the tsunami beyond my will. I had no power to stop this, either.
Because I was too weak.
Powerless. Useless. Incapable.
I didn't know what to do. Too swept up in this current, this tsunami, I couldn't find the answers. I couldn't find a better way forward.
Suffering and drowning on the inside; quiet and supportive on the outside:
I stood behind Shepard as her support, listening as Joker gave his warnings:
"Commander, Thessia is under heavy Reaper attack! There's activity across most of the planet. Asmodeus is already entrenched in Liara's hometown. You'll have to carve a path on foot to the devil ship. We can't make a direct approach without getting blown up!"
"What about the temple?" asked Shepard. "Is it safe?"
"Yeah, for now," supplied Joker. "The asari are sending gunships to protect the temple from Reaper ground forces. Everywhere else is pretty bad. The Alliance brought in the cavalry, but they're getting slaughtered! The enemy's not holding back this time. The mission's looking really dicey…"
"This is too important. It's now or never."
Shepard entered the elevator. We all followed her.
Shepard exited to the cargo hold, to the shuttle. We all followed her.
Shepard waited outside the shuttle, escorting each of us aboard. Just as she had done every other time.
During the shuttle ride, I felt so small, sitting in my seat among the rest of the team. Nearly everyone else, Shepard included, remained on their feet. Focused and energized and ready to go. Prepared to do anything to follow Shepard's orders, and to help protect my homeworld. I spotted the occasional look Tali would give me from time to time. How she fretted for me, privately. And I appreciated her support. She merely assumed I worried about myself. She thought I only had Thessia on my mind as I stared out at the monitor nearest to me. Those monstrous, mountainous Reaper ships had leveled most of Thessia.
Samara seemed to share most of my senses, my thinking. Rare cracks had shown through her normally-unreadable expression. I saw the humanity there in her eyes. How she glanced at Shepard most often, more than anyone else other than me. We both knew we needed to stop this. Yet Samara and I both had gotten swept away in this current. The momentum of the mission. The necessity to follow Shepard's lead, helping her save face for the rest of our team. If even Samara couldn't speak up, what hope did I have?
Cortez landed the shuttle in the heart of Armali. The city's main plaza. This place I had been to a number of times before—with the team and with Shepard. Utterly destroyed now. The modern edge to these buildings, the older government buildings of ivory from time immemorial—all shattered, like an earthquake had rocked the city from the ground-up. Piles and piles of asari corpses lay scattered across the area. Civilians that had been out shopping during the initial invasion—they had tried to escape, only to get mangled in a massive crush during the panic. All their shopping bags had spilled out everywhere.
The only building that remained standing was the indoor mall. The same mall I had visited with Shepard during our last stay on Thessia. Stories and stories layered onto the other as that skyscraper of commerce. Memories both good and bad. Warmer memories, more recently, of going on a date with Shepard in the mall—having drinks at the bar before going shopping together. Only some of the windows had broken from the sheer scale of fighting around. I hoped the building would survive this.
Farther out, past the shopping center, Asmodeus clawed and beamed through my hometown. Asmodeus, the prince of demons. The demon of lust. The most powerful Reaper commander we'd encountered. The devil ship remained in a centermost position, flanked by its destroyers and capital-class ships causing mayhem for Thessia's forces. Their giant forms blocked most of the afternoon sun, causing flames of refractions over what remained of our decorative pools of water. Everywhere they went, the Reapers cast deep shadows of the light in their image. Dominating Thessia's aesthetics: our harmony, our beauty, and our peaceful way of life. The enemy had decimated our cities and our culture.
We followed Shepard through Armali's main plaza, carving this path to Asmodeus in the distance. We took cover between buildings where we could, shooting down the marauders, husks, and cannibals in front of us. Shepard dispatched the brutes before they could get too close and charge at us—one at a time, one clear shot from her Widow. Clean kills to keep us safe. EDI froze the tightly-packed groups of husks mindlessly rushing at us. Garrus and Legion sniped the marauders before their relentless shooting could bring down our shields and barriers. Tali used her tactical scan to track each enemy headed our way, giving us enough confidence to keep moving. Wrex and Kaidan led the charge up ahead, soaking up damage and keeping our line from breaking. Jack cleaned up wherever we needed her, using her biotic charge to zip around the field, protecting our flanks. Samara and I provided artillery fire from a distance.
We heard those banshees.
My heart sank to my stomach. Even the rest of the team hesitated from seeing those perversions for the first time. Shock, revilement, disgust. Not quite on the scale of Shepard's initial reaction on Lesuss.
This time, Shepard shot the banshees down. She gave me hope that maybe she could fight this. That she wouldn't succumb to the same fears that had incapacitated her before. I hoped these reminders didn't just make things worse for her. Gradually bringing her down over time. I hoped and I hoped and I hoped.
But…why had she brought her Widow this time? Instead of her Black Widow? I thought we'd already established her regular Widow wasn't as effective on these battlefields with multiple enemies. Her Black Widow was far more efficient for this. Had Shepard made a mistake with her selection in the armory?
Clearing this path, we needed to do this less for ourselves and more for Thessia's forces. On the outskirts of our location, the asari commandos couldn't withstand this assault. They had their biotics for defense, but it wasn't enough. Turian and Alliance ships flew through the skies, their vessels taking the brunt of the Reapers' attacks. But on the ground, my people couldn't withstand this assault. One after another, the Reapers beamed their power through the streets, tearing through the commandos' legions in seconds. Massive casualties. Massive deaths piling up by the second. Hundreds of deaths in the blink of an eye, repeating all across Armali and the rest of Thessia.
The scenic pools of water over our horizons had changed to a violet color, tainted with asari blood. Thicker and thicker clouds of a chalky, reddish smoke obscured those horizons, cutting off our visibility of the city. The commandos and huntresses couldn't directly see what they were fighting for. They now had a reason to keep trying:
We intercepted some radio chatter from a nearby platoon of commandos, from their leader:
"Everyone, this is Lieutenant Kurin! We've just received word from Asari High Command: the Normandy's team has reached Thessia! I repeat, Commander Shepard and her people are on the ground! They're currently making a path to Asmodeus near Armali's main plaza! I know our perimeters are collapsing. I know we're struggling to get reinforcements where they need to go. Your sacrifices are the difference between Thessia's survival and Thessia's destruction! The commander needs us to hold on while she reaches that devil ship! Let's make sure the galaxy knows Thessia did her part in winning the war!"
Revitalized and energized, I heard those cheers ringing out across the way. My people refused to lose hope. They refused to dim their morale. Even as the Reapers slaughtered them by the second. All because of Shepard. Because she kept her promise. Because she was here, fighting to save our home.
Again and again, I knew I wasn't strong enough to fight this.
While fighting these ground forces, pushing through the city center, I remembered the past. The suicide mission. Mars. The Omega 4 Relay. How the Illusive Man nearly forced the Normandy to Cronos Station in chains. All thanks to his careful manipulations since the start of the mission. Aria had taken action. She'd taken over as our captain, getting us out of that mess. If I had been the only one in charge that day, I feared my weakness would've won. We would have failed…because of me. We would've lost Shepard because I couldn't speak up when it mattered most. In order to do my part, I'd leaned on Aria's strength. There I'd found the courage I would never have found on my own. Except I didn't have that now. Doing my part, I felt so alone. I couldn't tell anyone anything. Not Tali, not Samara. Not a word.
I looked into Shepard's eyes whenever I could.
Still that fragmented sun persisted through her stare.
Why didn't anyone else notice? Were they that fooled by her façade? Her successful, powerful persona?
After clearing another wave of enemies, Shepard stopped up ahead. And so our team took a moment to breathe. We distributed thermal clips, checking ourselves over for any injuries. We all seemed fine. Except…I didn't like the activity I spotted up above. Up in the skies. The atmosphere changed. Intense and horrifying, the skies darkened to a charcoal black, with only some of the sun's rays beaming across.
Like a nightmare.
Anyone could've easily mistaken the sight as smoke polluting the air.
Kaidan sighed as we all took a breather. "We're making progress. Good work, everyone."
Wrex stared up at Asmodeus still a ways away. "That devil ship is doing some real damage. Whatever happened to the Reapers getting weaker? We've been hitting their morale hard this whole damn war."
EDI postulated, "It would appear our theories on Rannoch were correct. Mammon's forces held back significantly on the quarian homeworld. They wished to lure us and our allied forces into a false sense of security. This stronger assault on Thessia seems to have caught our allies off-guard. They were not adequately prepared for this level of force from the Reapers. They are now suffering the consequences."
Tali voiced my concerns. "It feels like the Reapers are playing mind games with us. I have a bad feeling…"
"We just have to hit back harder!" rallied Garrus. "Even if they are playing mind games, it won't work—"
An ear-shattering shot struck through the heart of our group.
Too shocked to react, none of us moved. Yet our eyes tracked exactly what happened:
The split second of that gunfire, that sniper rifle fire. The bullet shot right past Garrus' face! Having been in the middle of speaking, the bullet cut his words short. The bullet had flown directly by his now-terrified face. A millimeter off from his mandible. He nearly fainted. We all did, as we looked up ahead. We saw Shepard facing us. Reloading her weapon. She meant to aim again…to fire again. Straight at us.
We all knew we needed to move. We needed to scramble. Take cover and hide. We remained paralyzed.
The terror of our commanding officer opening fire on us.
Far more than mere friendly fire—there were no enemies around us!
Wrex blurted out in anger, confusion, "Shepard, what the hell are you doing?!"
Legion sounded so small, hopeless. "Shepard-Commander…has perfect accuracy. This is an anomaly."
"Yeah, Shepard never misses!" shouted Jack. "Something's wrong with her! What the fuck!?"
That look in Shepard's eyes.
The soulless contempt there.
No light. No sunlight in her stare anymore.
I recognized this same look…from my mother. Benezia on Noveria. Peak 15. We had found her after she'd already succumbed. She'd turned against us. Against me, too—her own daughter.
As Shepard aimed to fire again, the ones in her crosshairs tried to run away. Kaidan, Garrus, EDI, Jack, Wrex—they all hurried behind the nearest building for cover. Screaming, scrambling, they moved to safety. Shepard's next shot went nowhere. She managed again not to hurt anyone. But Tali couldn't move. Too terrified. Unwilling to believe what happened before our eyes. She shook and shuddered in place, too scared and too unwilling to move. Samara and I stayed with her. The others figured it out:
"She's indoctrinated! The commander's indoctrinated!"
"Everyone, stay in cover! She's going on a rampage!"
"TALI, MOVE IT! Liara! Samara! You need to get to cover! We can't lose you!"
How they panicked and flailed. How our lives had flashed before our eyes in seconds. The split seconds it took for Shepard to instill this fear in us. The exact same fear she inflicted in her enemies.
All those indoctrination signals from previously interacting with the Reapers—they'd remained in Shepard's mind. They had stayed there this whole time, making no progress thanks to her protections. Until we defeated the Reapers completely, their signals would remain inside the depths of her mind. Now Shepard was vulnerable. Now those signals had finally breached her defenses…as this malfunction.
A terrible malfunction she couldn't fix on her own.
Malfunctioning, broken, out of order: Shepard aimed her Widow in our direction next.
Vaguely.
Somewhere in the vicinity of where I stood with Tali and Samara, the three of us still unable to move.
Shepard struggled against herself, trying to angle her sniper rifle elsewhere. Farther up, farther down.
But she eventually craned her aim enough to convince me to act. Rooted in place, I deployed my biotic field around Tali and Samara with me. Samara assisted me, bolstering my field with all her strength. We hoped we could protect Tali together. We hoped we could survive this. Unlike bracing against Reaper fire—the devil we knew—this unknown left us shaken. And with the rest of the team still shouting, still panicking in the background, Samara and I could hardly keep our focus. I could hardly keep my focus with Shepard staring me down like this in the distance. Even as she fought back. Even as she struggled.
Just before Shepard pulled the trigger, I realized what she needed from me.
What I could still do.
I didn't need to be strong to do it. I didn't need to be strong to help her. I just needed…to hold on to her.
Shepard angled her shot slightly higher up.
Ever-so-slightly upward instead of directly at my biotic protections.
Such immediate pain shattered my shield on impact. A painful ripple coursed through my arms, coarsing my throat as I cried out in pain. Samara did the same, feeling the same pains. We only survived because Shepard fought back. Because she'd diverted her shot at the last second. And as the next miracle, Shepard had to reload. She had to stop. She reloaded her Widow, giving us this time to recover. That heavy, weighty, menacing click-click clack-clack sounded across the entire plaza. A rhythmic movement of measured time. Precious time for Samara and me to catch our breath.
I saw the truth now, too: if Shepard had brought her Black Widow instead, she could've fired off two extra shots without reloading. Without warning. If she'd done that, we would've been dead…
She knew.
She knew ahead of time.
And I noticed Shepard's eyes hadn't altered colors. That soulless contempt remained as she aimed at us again. But nothing else. No eerie glow had layered over her irises like Saren or the Illusive Man. She still had time! She could still fight this and find herself again! She just needed to hold on. She needed me.
Throwing me off, Jack suddenly announced:
"Hey, I'm gonna charge at the commander! I'll hit her just enough to knock her out! I won't kill her!"
That sounded like a good idea, and yet…
And yet no one voiced their concerns. Our teammates on her side of the field cheered Jack on, encouraging her. This seemed like our only hope. This seemed like the best move. I didn't know for sure.
Jack pushed ahead with her risky heroism. She blasted herself forward with a biotic charge. Those seconds again slowed down. The suspense of what would happen. The fallout, the consequences of an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. Yet as soon as Jack launched ahead, Shepard aimed at her. Even in her stolen thoughts, Shepard knew better than to let this happen. She took such precise aim at Jack's biotic amp at the base of her skull. She used her intense, focused concentration talent to slow down time. She pulled off an impossible shot. She fired at the source of Jack's biotic power. At her biotic amp. Enough to graze Jack's skull, to disable her; not to shoot through her skull to kill her. Just enough.
Disabled and defeated, Jack's charge flailed and failed. She shouted in a sharp pain and fell to the ground. Injured, bleeding, humiliated, she could do nothing more. Tali rushed ahead to give her some medi-gel. She only paused to look into Shepard's eyes. Fearful. As if to ask if she would fire at us again.
Shepard gave her answer by running away.
She turned around and ran off. Deeper into the plaza. Headlong into the rest of the battlefield.
I ran after her.
None of our teammates tried to stop me.
They knew I needed to do this. I was the only one who could.
I followed Shepard as she sprinted past this debris. The destroyed buildings. The asari corpses everywhere, piled and abandoned in burning heaps of a stomach-churning stench. I rushed past our grim reality, chasing after the only truth I had ever known. Shepard as my first love, my only love, and my absolute priority. The absolute monarchy of my devotion and submission to her. Even as she activated her tactical cloak, trying to hide from me. Or trying to hide from the other Reaper ground forces in her path. I tracked her with ease. I stayed after Shepard with this acute sense I'd always had, knowing her exact location without a word. This blessing of our bond, binding us together for eternity.
My desperation made me pull off this impossibility of my own.
Staying after Shepard when I knew I shouldn't have been able to. Running and running and running after her. Never quite reaching her, yet staying close enough. Close enough to remind her I would never give up. I would never give up on her. I would never give up on us. No matter how fast or how far she ran.
I chased Shepard into the mall. She ran past the abandoned shops and restaurants. She skirted around the shards of glass littering the ground. She pushed ahead, taking an elevator up to the higher floors.
I caught up when I could, hailing another elevator just in time. Knowing which floor she went up to, I willed my elevator to catch up to hers. The tense unknown of this machinery out of my control. All I could do was stand inside this elevator. I did my best to catch my breath, having for air as I leaned against the wall. Listening to the broken, stuttering pleasantries of the dull music playing through the speakers. Shepard could have punished me by running up the stairs. She could have exhausted me, made my lungs give out if she had forced that labor onto me. I liked to believe the still-lucid part of her had chosen the elevator instead, giving me this chance to rest. There was still hope. There was still time!
Shepard exited to her chosen floor, her elevator arriving before mine did.
In these seconds it took for me to catch up, I felt a rumble through the building. The seismic shock from a Reaper's beam blasting through the nearby landscape. The power cut out, blinking to darkness, before coming back to light seconds later. Thankfully the elevator survived. The doors soon opened, letting me escape; letting me pick up Shepard's trail again. I tracked her through this familiar area of the mall.
I ran by the same places Shepard had taken me before. The shopping spree I had enjoyed during Christmas Eve on our date. The electronics stores, the clothing stores, the jewelry store. All abandoned just like the shops downstairs. The ghost town of this ballroom, my running footsteps echoed through. I tore past the extravagant, empty casino embedded into the indoor space. I hurried and hurried, eventually spotting Shepard's uncloaked form up ahead. She ran over a familiar bridge of glass taking her to another area. The normally-secluded area, quiet and removed from the bustle of the crowd…
Shepard had returned to this bar.
The same bar I had taken her to that day on Christmas Eve. We'd enjoyed our wine and dinner here. Sitting beside the windows on that chilly, rainy day. Talking. Relaxing. Enjoying each other's company.
Now those same windows had shattered from all the fighting outside. The dark nightmare still lingered through the skies, clogging the horizons. Multiple allied ships fought on out there, diverting the Reapers' attention away from our troops on the ground. Those mountainous Reaper ships continued to beam through my hometown. Total destruction. Such a callous disregard for the peace and stability my people had enjoyed for millennia, for thousands of years. We asari had our sins. Yet we didn't deserve this.
I saw that callousness, that disregard reflected in Shepard's eyes. She stood right by the broken windows. She faced me. She had holstered her Widow over her back. Her sidearm remained at her hip.
I hoped, maybe, I could reason with her now.
"Shepard," I breathed, moving closer to her. "Can you hear me…? Are you still there?"
She gave no reaction to me nearing her. No attempt to grab her weapons or run away again.
The precariousness of the situation still had my heart thrashing through my chest.
If I made a mistake…
If I made a single wrong move, Shepard would find a way to punish me.
"It says a lot that you have returned to this bar, Commander. You came back to somewhere you remember. A place that reminds you of me. Is that why you did it? Are you trying to tell me something?"
A flash of light sparked behind her eyes.
Only briefly.
Then it disappeared again, dimming back to that disregard. So cold. Emotionless. Soulless. Empty.
I took another step toward her. Another. And another. And one more. I needed to touch her again.
"I remember this place, too. It was Christmas Eve. The same day you asked me to be your girlfriend. We had just left Labyrinthos. You were emotionally exhausted from interacting with so many people. All the refugees we'd welcomed from Earth, fleeing the war. Before that, we'd attended Shiala's memorial service together. We came here to recharge after the long day. As we sat in the booth together, at the table, I held you in my arms. We used your longcoat as a blanket. You were so tired. So precious to me."
I watched Shepard glance at the table in the corner. The same table we'd sat at before, now covered in spikes of glass from the windows. She remembered. She remembered.
I moved a little bit closer to her.
Just a few more steps.
Then I could…
"Do you remember when I first took you to the Temple of Athame? It was your thirtieth birthday. Your first birthday with us, with the original team. I had made my promises to you that day. How you and I could explore something much deeper. Far deeper than you'd ever known before. Haven't I kept that promise? Isn't that what we have now?"
She knew I'd kept my promise.
She knew that was what we had now.
"Shepard, I told you… I will wait for you. I will wait for as long as it takes. A thousand years. But right now, I need you closer to me. Allow me to capture your imagination again. Embrace eternity with me."
Right before I reached out to her, Shepard stunned me.
She leaned back, falling out the broken window.
She made a backward leap of faith outside, away from me.
Risking everything, I jumped after her.
Nosediving through these great heights, I focused on Shepard. I blocked out the miles and miles of Thessia's devastation expanded around us. That expansion, the world of my homeworld narrowed me, shrunk me in importance and scope. It did the same to Shepard. Just the two of us freefalling through the skies together. She remained face-up, facing me and staring up at me. Such an unreadable look in her expression this time. She didn't seem to react to my struggling, reaching and reaching for her. We both spiraled within this impossibility. We both shared this fate. I still couldn't reach her. I couldn't force my velocity to speed up in time to reach hers.
Shepard was about to grab her pistol. Perhaps to aim at me.
Stunned again, I reacted on instinct.
I aimed a stasis field at her. I found her. I slowed her fall, freezing her in the air. That numbing hum suspended Shepard mid-air, letting me catch up. I made her frozen body catch mine. Balanced and slowed from my biotics around me, preventing a total crash and burn. I grabbed Shepard's wrists, then undid her stasis field. I locked her from reaching for her gun again. She grunted in-time with the blaring from those Reaper ships out there, struggling against me. I kept this control. I controlled her wrists. I stopped myself from crying against this struggle. I let her feel my emotions, but I couldn't show them.
Shepard felt me.
She felt me just enough.
Enough to keep us from plummeting to our deaths.
She activated her Icarus Landing System. This warm golden glow surrounded both of us. Her augmentation slowed us down together. We landed safely on the war-torn ground.
Crisis averted.
Or so I thought.
Shepard stepped away from me. She moved faster, whipping out her pistol faster. Faster, quicker she aimed at me this time. Except I refused to give in. I froze her again. I timed my biotics perfectly, again, because I knew her. I knew Shepard's instincts and reflexes this intimately. I had memorized the breadth of her deliberateness. I could predict her just enough. I found the perfect moment to rush forward—
I didn't have time for us to embrace eternity—
I settled for the next-best thing:
I reached for Shepard's face. I held her face in my hands, so exquisite. I activated my biotics in a snap. By touch alone, I returned her control. I reminded her of everything else we had together. Through my gift to her, I imbued her nostalgia for me back into her mind. I hoped this nostalgia, this euphoria, and this fetish would rid her of those other forces. Those forces trying to take her away from me. And it did.
I calmed her.
I brought Shepard to her knees.
She fell hard to her knees before me. Waking up, returning to her old self, Shepard found her emotions. She couldn't help how she felt, her reactions. She held me around my waist, needing me so. I breathed out in this relief, wrapping my arms around the back of her head, her shoulders, down her back.
Somewhere in the distance, Asmodeus paused. As if it could see us right now.
All those carefully laid-out plans to tear Shepard down—they'd ended in failure.
Shepard couldn't blame the Reapers for this. She blamed herself. I heard her self-blame, her self-immolation as she shook her head against me. She blurted again and again her apologies. How sorry she was. She wasn't herself back there. She'd lost control. Ashamed. Pained. Maimed by what happened.
"I'm sorry, Liara… I'm sorry."
"It's all right," I soothed. "It's okay."
"No, it's not. No it isn't! It's not all right! It's not okay!"
"Shepard, you're fine now. You're safe with me. That's what matters."
She didn't seem to believe me.
She breathed so much harder. Like coming up for air again after staying underwater for too long.
I knelt down to the ground with her, hoping to soothe her some more. Shepard at least let me kiss her forehead. She let me wipe away her frustrations, stemming the tide. I wanted to kiss the rest of her, and to do more—but we both knew this wasn't the time. Knowing we had far more to accomplish, Shepard made herself calm down more. She took my comforts in stride. She accepted my love for her; she accepted my help. She allowed me to help her stand up with me. She set her eyes on Asmodeus.
"Shepard, don't tell me you're already going after the devil ship. You've barely had time to recover!"
"Babe, your people are dying by the millions… I have to do this."
Of course, Shepard needed to focus on this task. She needed to feel useful again. In control again.
"If you're certain, then I will support you. How will we approach the ship? There doesn't appear to be an opening. It is unlikely Asmodeus will allow itself to be vulnerable. Unlike the other commanders."
"I'm thinking the same. We might have to sneak our way up. Can you lift me up to the entrance? The backdoor? I'll activate my tactical cloak and keep us both hidden. This might be our only chance."
"Very well, Commander. Lead the way."
Giving me one last look—an apology and a thank you as one—Shepard held my hand. She cloaked herself with me as one in our trust. Together we snuck off toward Asmodeus, deeper into the fray. I believed in Shepard to pull this off. I believed in her, no matter what she'd nearly succumbed to. She knew I would always believe in her.
Blitzing through Thessia's battlefields with Shepard, we neared the Reaper commander's onslaught. Asmodeus continued slaughtering my people. It continued blowing our allied ships clear from the sky—turian ships, Alliance ships, asari ships. Such a reign of terror, acting with complete impunity, as if it believed itself to be invincible. It expected that Shepard had fallen by now. Or that, if she hadn't, she would have no clear approach to disable it. Surrounded by the brunt of its Reaper forces, we shouldn't have been able to find this path. We should not have been able to sneak right through the tiny opening Shepard had found for us. Cloaked to all, invisible to our surroundings, we had found a way to do this.
I had signaled enough to our teammates that Shepard was fine now. They remained on standby until we dealt with Asmodeus. They hadn't expressed it directly, yet I knew how much they worried about her. I worried for the same reasons: sending Shepard off to disable the Reaper commander, not even moments after she'd recovered. She needed to do this for her own peace of mind. To prove that she had in fact regained control. To prove that she could still make her own choices, make her own priorities.
She wanted so badly to keep her promises.
Knowing that, respecting that, I had chosen not to put up a fight. We would see this through to the end.
Still holding my hand, Shepard brought me to a suitable area in the devil ship's blind spot.
Hidden beneath this mountainous canopy of the Reaper's arachnid-like legs. Shielded from the rest of the fighting around us. Insulated and shaded under the one place we should not have been, ironically as the safest location to hide. The endless destroyers and ground forces shot at everywhere else but here.
Even though Asmodeus likely couldn't have heard us, Shepard and I chose not to speak.
She squeezed my hand, once, in a reassuring gesture. Signaling her readiness to do this. To trust me.
I embraced Shepard with my biotics, lifting her entire form upward. I became her new center of gravity. My powers, my control, honed over my entire life as a natural biotic. Perhaps unnatural for Shepard, she floated up above, higher and higher. I aimed to bring her right to Asmodeus' backdoor. Its weakness.
Shepard activated her optical camera, better allowing me to see where to bring her.
As I kept raising her up, raising her up, I remained invisible alongside her. I lifted her up and up to the skies. Lifting her and lifting her well beyond any heights I'd lifted anyone or anything before. Levitating the love of my life up to the heavens. Gradually, steadily. I took the utmost care to hold her responsibly.
All these battles against the Reapers, against the other devil ships, had unlocked my own transcendence.
I could do so much more for Shepard now because of our many victories. I could carry her up this far with my biotics alone, scaling her up the skyscraper of this devil ship. Getting her safely to the backdoor. A safe landing.
Shepard quietly entered Asmodeus' weak point. She still didn't want us to say a word. In case the enemy heard us somehow, even beneath all the fighting down here.
I communicated to her, 'Shepard, are you all right?'
I watched the up-and-down movement of her optical camera, her nodding. Shepard felt as normal to me. No changes from this next, direct exposure to another Reaper indoctrination signal. She moved forward with confidence, finding her way to that central location to disable the ship.
Asmodeus still had no idea.
Too distracted in its conquest of my homeworld, slaughtering my people for sport, it couldn't notice.
I waited in this physical and figurative blind spot as Shepard reached her goal.
She found her target. Those mysterious overhead handles. She reached up, grabbed them, and pulled.
Asmodeus powered down. Following with its momentum, it fell over on its side, away from me. Shepard used her augmentations to keep her balance within the tumble from inside. Then she escaped as fast as she could, exiting the backdoor and finding me again. We sprinted away from the weakened target.
Joker confirmed, "Commander, I don't know how you did it, but the Reaper is down! Our allies in the area are about to take it out! Are you back outside yet?"
I spoke for her, "We are a safe distance away, Joker. Tell them to open fire!"
"Roger that!"
On their back heels just moments ago, our allies turned the tides.
They shot at the wounded devil ship, the wounded animal collapsed on the ground. Giving Asmodeus no room to breathe or recover, our ships brought down this spectacle of might. A barrage of dreadnought fire from the turians and the Alliance destroyed the prince of demons in mere minutes. And its remaining forces could only stop and stare, not having expected this outcome. Left vulnerable, they suffered from this shock and setback, taking collateral damage. We had turned this around for Thessia.
As Shepard brought us to a safe place to rest and recover, the skies changed.
Just like with the Collectors, when the clouds had bled an ominous red, vanishing upon their defeat:
The dark nightmare over our heads disappeared. Thessia reverted back to normal, its usual rays of vermillion arcing through the ship-packed skies. That eternal sunset's dream as the evening approached.
A fair distance away from the battles now, Shepard and I found this area to sit together. Sitting down on the cold concrete of the ground, against the silver basin of a fountain, we could finally breathe. Shepard could finally breathe, breathing hard against me as she rested her head over my chest. I welcomed her back into my arms; welcoming her back home again after so much struggling. Not just here on Thessia, or the ardat-yakshi monastery, but throughout our entire mission. This mission against the Reapers. Our previous missions against the Collectors, against Saren and the geth. Even the entirety of Shepard's life. Her struggles in persistence, determination. Clawing her way over obstacle after obstacle. She'd always had to be exceptional. She'd never gotten anywhere in life by being anything less than extraordinary.
But now…we had run into this limitation of her greatness.
We listened to the cheers ringing out in the distance. So reminiscent of our victories on other worlds. Our sneak attack on Asmodeus had robbed the Reapers of their morale, siphoning it over to our side. I could just imagine the elation Lieutenant Kurin and her commandos felt at this moment. My people fought with a renewed strength. Thessia along with our allies finally pushed back against the enemy.
I would've felt the same elation they did.
I certainly would have…if Shepard was in better condition.
Holding her in my arms like this, I didn't want to admit the truth to myself. The truth of Shepard's state. This back-to-back shock from the monastery and the indoctrination had done too much damage. Shepard breathed a little too hard against me. She hid away from the world within my hold, so vulnerable in her exhaustion. I held her tighter, closer: the same strength I used to hold back my tears.
Shepard had sacrificed so much for us. So much for this war. She'd sacrificed everything.
Now I feared this turn of events may have broken her.
Shepard's mind may have remained in-tact. Miraculously, her mental state persevered. Yet her physical form could only handle so much. Even with our impending immortality once we defeated Harbinger.
Knowing the pain she was in, I wanted nothing more than to stop everything.
To stop the mission. To stop this war entirely.
But even now, we still had more to do… The Temple of Athame awaited as our next destination. The asari councilor had asked us to go retrieve that mysterious asset within the temple. From what I had gathered, our objective at the temple didn't necessarily have anything to do with the war. Not directly.
This asset we needed to retrieve seemed more—timely than anything.
We needed it for this moment. We needed to retrieve it for this specific time and place in the fight.
Tali contacted us through our team's frequency—"Liara, Shepard, are you still there? Where are you?!"
I uploaded our coordinates to everyone's omni-tools. "We are resting a safe distance away from the fighting. Shepard needs some time to breathe. Her mind is still her own. She just needs to rest."
"What a relief!" said Kaidan. "Thank God the commander's okay! She took the Reapers by complete surprise. They're a total mess now! Thessia's in much better shape than they were a few minutes ago."
"No doubt about it," agreed Wrex. "You and Shepard stay put, Liara. We'll head to your location ASAP."
Waiting for the others to find us, I continued holding Shepard close to me.
Up above, I watched the changes progressing in real-time. The Alliance and the turians used their shared muscle, gaining air superiority where they could. Dying cries from harvesters echoed all throughout Armali; those monstrous flying creatures detonated in constant bursts of harsh light, flashing out in the same hues as Thessia's sunset up above. The Reapers certainly did seem much weaker over these months, just from us having chipped away at their morale. Yet it would've been a mistake for us to assume they would be weaker, again, on Earth during the final battle. They would have Harbinger with them, after all. Their supreme general. The most difficult battle of the war was yet to come…and Shepard was nowhere near prepared. We needed her at her absolute best. She needed more rest first.
With so little time to rest, our team began to find us in our hiding spot.
Uncloaking back to visibility, EDI had used her tactical cloak to scout ahead. She found us first.
EDI saw for herself that the light had returned to Shepard's eyes—even in severe exhaustion. She looked as relieved as Kaidan and the others had sounded earlier. If not holding back her more personal worries.
"Commander…"
Shepard couldn't quite look at her.
Ashamed of what had happened earlier.
EDI tried, "For the record, none of us blame you for what occurred. We understand. We sympathize." Shepard still had no words to give. EDI understood this, too. "Then I will congratulate you for successfully completing one of our objectives. Thessia's devil ship is no more. But I remain deeply concerned about how fatigued you are. Knowing what you have been through, this almost feels like…"
This almost felt like a loss.
A more personal loss for Shepard.
A loss for our team. For the Normandy.
We soon heard the rest of the team hurrying over to us.
Tali reached us first. She knelt down to us, collapsing into Shepard's arms in a deep catharsis. Shepard at least managed to return her hold, expressing her apologies as best as she could. Everyone else watched in a collection of reprieve. They felt the same as Tali did, listening to her spoken grieving:
"It must've been so scary… I'm glad you're okay again. And you managed to disable to devil ship in the end. I'm worried you've pushed yourself too hard."
Shepard probably agreed with her. She would never admit it.
Wrex asked me, "How'd she get back to normal? I thought that indoctrination was gonna take her away from us…"
I demonstrated for everyone, holding Shepard's face in my hands. Activating my biotics. Just as before, just as every other time—Shepard's head lulled into my hold. She relaxed with this mental massage. Our team murmured in their quiet awe. Aside from Tali, no one had ever witnessed us sharing this before.
So I explained, "This is an old method Shepard and I have used to share our feelings with one another. I remember first giving her this years ago, during our mission against Saren. It has always had a special effect on the commander. Calming her down. Taming her. Pacifying her."
Samara explained more, "It is an intimate gift we asari share with those closest to us. It is a great expression of love and trust, usually between bondmates. I am pleasantly surprised to see you using your gifts in this way, Liara. The thought would have never occurred to me."
Legion drew the parallel: "Is this similar to re-opening neural pathways? Or rebooting Shepard-Commander's systems. A full-system restart."
"Yes," I allowed. "That is a fair comparison. But aren't we missing someone? Where is Jack?"
EDI supplied, "We returned Jack to the Normandy. She was in need of medical attention."
Kaidan added, "Yeah, turns out medi-gel wasn't enough for her injury. She's in the med bay now. Dr. Chakwas says she'll be fine."
The profound look of guilt on Shepard's face. She again blamed herself.
She also blamed herself for that initial shot. Firing her sniper rifle so close to Garrus' face.
Blameless, Garrus tried consoling her, "It's not your fault, Commander. I know you can't accept that so easily. We're with you, Shepard. Water under the bridge, right? Just take it easy for now."
I reminded everyone, "While I wish Shepard could get more rest, we do still have one more task. Councilor Tevos wants us to get to the Temple of Athame. There is apparently something there waiting for us. Something we need to retrieve from behind the Goddess Athame's statue. Let's get going."
Samara offered, "Allow me to lead the way, Liara. Please continue supporting the commander."
"Thank you, Samara."
Already knowing how broken Shepard was—still in so much pain—I spared her this next pain. The shame of attempting to stand on her own, only for her limbs to fail her. I took Shepard in my arms, carrying her with me. I made this sacrifice for her, paying her back for all she'd done for us. The team made these next sacrifices, protecting Shepard with me in the center of the group. We did not run into nearly as many enemies as we would have before. Not enough to put up much of a fight along the way.
Moving together as one unit, we followed Samara to the temple.
The rest of the team continued to circle around us. I took cover with Shepard where I could, allowing the others to focus on defeating the ground forces in our path. With the Reaper ships distracted by our allies' strengthened counteroffensive, we did not have to worry about any overhead strikes. Here on the ground, the asari commandos and huntresses fought harder and smarter, inspired by the sight of our team pushing up ahead. Up ahead to the temple nearby.
We reached the overpass overlooking the rest of the city. This shallow pool of decorative water at our feet drifted off the edge of the cliff in gentleness. Thessia's buildings, our institutions continued to hold. We'd suffered a tremendous shock before Asmodeus' defeat. But Shepard's sacrifice had paid off…for my people, for my homeworld.
I brought her with me to the secure entrance, to the barrier control. Past these multiple layers of security, the inside of the temple appeared undisturbed. No one had thought to come up here, knowing the entrance would be locked to the general public. I dealt with the temple's security as I had done before: by using the keys I'd inherited from my mother to bypass this military-grade encryption.
Kaidan mulled over the sight. "Doesn't seem right. Why would a temple have this level of security?"
Samara replied for me, "Because of the secrets that lie within. Even though not many asari still follow the Athame doctrine, this location remains valuable."
"It's just the asset?" asked Wrex. "The one the asari councilor told us to find. That's the secret?"
Bypassing the barrier, I declared, "There must be more to it than that. Come on, let's take a look."
I carried Shepard with me inside the Temple of Athame. The stillness, the quiet of this place felt as a panacea compared to the chaos outside. The faint blasts in the distance sounded even fainter from in here. Especially as I brought Shepard along, keeping her in my arms. The draping antiquity of the temple shined on us in a soft glow. Soft enough, comforting enough for Shepard to keep heart. To not lose herself to her enduring shame from what happened earlier. The temple had endured for her, after all.
Garrus wondered, "What now, Liara? How are we supposed to find…whatever we're supposed to find?"
"I'm not sure. The asari councilor seemed to believe we would figure it out on our own."
Tali suggested, "What about these artifacts? They might have what we need."
Shepard gestured for me to set her down. "Probably," she finally said, still drained as she stood on her own. She hid it too well. "Take a look around. Maybe one of the artifacts has what we're looking for."
As we explored the temple, checking each of the artifacts, Shepard stayed close to me. Focused on our task, she managed to convey her feelings to me at the same time. Her gratitude, her thanks. She gave off that energy as we walked around together. Even though I smiled at her, I couldn't help noticing the signs about her. How Shepard kept her back straight, maintaining her posture, almost at a great cost. We needed to get her back to the Normandy as soon as possible. Whenever we located this treasure.
Shepard examined the nearby shield. "What's this?"
"The Goddess Athame's shield," I supplied. "Legends say She used it to protect Thessia when the heavens grew angry. Our ancestors were probably misinterpreting a meteor shower."
Samara added, "I believe it was an asteroid strike. The Protheans protected us from the threat—while our people were still in our infancy. They had every reason to do so after uplifting our species."
"Yes, that is the likely explanation. The Protheans themselves are the Goddess Athame. Yet this is not common knowledge among our people. Our ancestors created this idea of Her for us to believe in."
Aside from Shepard and Samara, the rest of our teammates learned this information for the first time.
With this learning, they remained silent, absorbing the implications.
I could only imagine what Javik would've had to say about this. These lessons coming to light.
Shepard crossed the aisle to the sword on display. "What about this?"
"It's the Goddess Athame's sword. Myths say She wielded it against jealous gods who threatened our ancestors. From the notes I found in my mother's archives, this actually describes a now-extinct species called the Oravores. They attempted to steal our homeworld's resources. The Protheans protected us again."
Drawn directly to Athame's statue this time, Shepard forewent investigating the other artifacts. She crossed deeper into the temple. Farther into this mystical light shining down on us; farther away from the warmer tones from Thessia's sunset just outside. The rest of our team followed Shepard down the center aisle. We followed her as this line, this procession of duty, honor-bound to serve our captain.
We found our inspiration from hers—from the way she gazed up at Athame's statue before us. A river of sculpture, of flowing waterfalls in solid form. How Athame cast Her closed, all-seeing eyes up to the heavens in a peaceful bliss. How she hid endless secrets behind her. A contradiction of glory and gluttony.
As Shepard continued staring at Athame, EDI observed a nearby mural.
"This depiction is reminiscent of ancient frescoes on other worlds."
"It's a primitive rendition of Athame. She is speaking to Her ancient asari followers. As you can see, She resembles a Prothean. The Protheans were with us since our early days. Our natural biotics are from years of extensive genetic testing by the Protheans. These myths were nice to believe for a time…but they weren't true."
Oddly focused—as if hypnotized—Shepard had craned her head to look directly at Athame's face. She remained still there. Right there before the console at the base of the goddess' statue. Shepard seemed to sense something there. The same that Javik had sensed before. The same that she had sensed before during our previous visits to the temple. She concentrated as she listened for the answers. Knowing she didn't need a refresher on these history lessons, I instead shared what I knew with the rest of our team:
"Even though the murals and artifacts depict Prothean-like deities, this version of Athame has changed. Her image became more like ours over time. Athame Herself evolved as a deity from the Protheans. We once believed our gods were separate from the world, from Thessia, looking down on us. But now we asari see everything as a cosmic whole. Events that may not make sense to us in the short-term eventually reveal their worth—for good or for ill—later in the long-term. There is a universal energy from which all living things are formed. Everything is connected. Everything happens for a reason—"
Shepard suddenly revealed, "There's an entrance here. Behind this statue. Just like Tevos said."
"An entrance?" asked Tali. "An entrance to where? I thought we needed to retrieve an asset! Like an actual treasure or some kind of item."
"It is an asset, but it's not a physical item. It's…some kind of paradise. The paradise is the treasure. It's Thessia's treasure. Councilor Tevos said it's the essence of what it means to be an asari. She said it's about patience. Flowers. Her Inflorescence. Whatever that means, it's waiting for me back there."
Garrus didn't understand. "Sounds pretty abstract. Do we need it for the war, Shepard? Why are we doing this now?"
"I don't know, Garrus. She basically implied I needed to find out for myself. It's not about the war."
"Perhaps not directly," noted EDI. "If this abstract asset is linked to the asari, it is possible the paradise holds an abundance of knowledge. The asari as a species are known for their vast wisdom and knowledge. But you said this paradise is about patience. I share Garrus' struggles in defining what this could mean—in concrete terms."
"Same here," said Kaidan. "This is all really vague to me. Plus, you and Liara have known about this stuff for a while. We've been to Thessia plenty of times. Why couldn't you have gone to this place before? Why didn't the asari councilor give us any solid details about how to get there? Why now?"
Wrex shared his thoughts, "Maybe it's just me, but it feels like it's meant to be. That could why."
Even I struggled to understand what this meant. Although I felt as if I should've known the answers. How could patience exist as an actual place? How did this location embody the essence of my people? Of what it meant to be an asari. I could not wrap my head around the tangibility of this essence. The tangibility of an idea, an interpretation. Perhaps the tangibility of religion itself—more of a holy site.
Samara seemed to know the answers. But she had no reason to disclose anything.
Legion noticed, "It would appear there is an item physically present behind Athame's statue. An old virtual intelligence. A Prothean VI. It is no longer functional."
"That's too bad," I lamented. "I would've loved to study this VI. This must have been what Javik sensed when Shepard and I visited the temple with him. But if it no longer works, it's irrelevant to us. Shepard, have you sensed a way to uncover the path behind the statue? The path to this mysterious paradise?"
As her answer without words, Shepard went over to one of the nearby murals. She raised her hand to the artifact, spawning a translucent, pale Prothean-green beam toward Athame's statue. I expected that light to begin shining through Her sculpted form. As if to break Her away to reveal the way ahead. Instead, Athame absorbed the energy, allowing it to sit for a while. She waited, patiently, as Shepard traversed the temple to reach other artifacts. In Her patience, She reminded me of myself. My struggles.
How I had waited for her for so many years. I'd waited for her past so many cycles of struggle and strife.
Waiting for Shepard to find me.
Waiting for Shepard to return to me.
Waiting for so much more—what we now had today.
The rest of our team stared at Athame, affixed to Her in their transfixions.
Meanwhile, Shepard needed to take her time as she found these connections. She walked slower in her fatigue. She reached out to the pillars nearest to her, leaning on them for support. She stepped one foot in front of the other, one at a time, one by one. Breathing harder. Grunting, quietly, in her frustrations, having at last ran into this barrier of her physical limitations. I fought the urge to rush to her side; to support her. I knew Shepard needed to do this on her own. She needed to find her independence again.
She needed to find her autonomy again.
Her sovereignty.
One after another, Shepard found the appropriate artifacts to activate. One of the busts belonging to Athame's guides. Athame's shield near the temple's entrance. And finally, one of the manuscripts not too far from the base of Athame's statue. They each spawned the same beams aimed at the goddess.
From my precise location, I looked up, feeling those beams aiming in my direction—before continuing over my head to reach Athame directly.
Causing a minor earthquake, the Goddess Athame's statue began to raise from her position. She did not break. She did not shatter to a thousand pieces or more. She absorbed the energy from those beams, gaining permission to reveal the entrance behind Her form. Tali, Garrus, Wrex, EDI, Kaidan, Legion, Samara—we each watched with anticipation as this entrance revealed itself. We listened as Shepard limped back over to us, knowing she still could not rest. We had no relief to offer her in this moment.
I felt no relief, either, seeing this next hurdle in front of us.
A powerful pale green barrier.
A Prothean-powered security system barring our path.
The others looked to each other, fearing this next setback. We had no idea how to possibly get past this barrier. How would Shepard find the treasure she needed if she couldn't get beyond this final issue?
Yet Shepard approached the space Athame had left behind. She didn't appear to see a barrier at all.
She could go through freely. The way forward remained clear for her, yet not for any of us.
We couldn't go with her.
Shepard had to do this alone.
Turning around, she gave us one last look. One final look of resolve without words.
Her promise to return to us as soon as she could.
With so many unknowns, so many questions, I almost wanted to question—how could she keep this promise? How could she know she would come back to us, without knowing what awaited her on the other side? But we heard the constant radio chatter from the asari fleets outside, from the commandos, from the platoons and soldiers out there. They celebrated in this victory over the Reapers. They hailed Shepard as their hero, as the galaxy's hero, for having kept her promise to protect our home. She had kept her promises to my people despite the odds. She needed to keep this one, too. We needed her to.
Shepard gave us this final promise as she walked through the path. This path obscured to us. This path denied to us. She pressed onward to whatever promised land awaited through the unknown. And as she went, the Goddess Athame's statue returned to the ground. That massive movement of stone; the friction of stone settling back into an unmovable place. She returned to the same place as before; exactly as we had found Her upon our arrival. Yet another refusal. Another denial. Another reason why we could not follow Shepard through to wherever she went. Whenever she went. However she went.
I prayed to every god unimaginable that she would come home to us soon.