Chapter Nineteen

Graduation

Inuyasha opened his eyes, staring up at the white ceiling of his old room. It was still hard to believe he was in it again after all those years.

He had been sleeping there for almost two weeks now. His wounds had healed but he still didn't feel strong enough to return to real life.

He still couldn't see himself able to accept that he had lost his destined mate forever.

Inuyasha shook his head, using his elbows to prop himself up. Thinking about Kagome was too painful and he needed something to distract himself with as soon as possible.

He stood up on the mattress and picked up one of the swords that hung on the wall, running his index finger along the edge of the steel and smirking as he felt how sharp it was.

He was helping Shippo train and, in those ten days, the little fox had improved tremendously in hand-to-hand combat.

He was already able to wield a sword, though those they used to practise were much smaller than the ones the yōkai used when fighting each other.

Inuyasha frowned, thinking of his father's magic sword. It would still be hidden next to his red kimono under the roots of one of the trees near his cave.

Perhaps he should go back to collect his belongings. They were the only valuable things he had, and he should protect them.

The only things he had from his father, including the book about humans.

Though, in truth, none of that mattered if he was going to allow his demon side to take control of his life. He knew that, when that happened, he would cease to be himself and become a bloodthirsty creature who only cared about power.

He would never think of Kagome again, or Shippo. Nor would he ever feel lonely again.

Inuyasha couldn't use his father's sword when he was transformed into a yōkai, and his fire-rat fur kimono wouldn't do him much good if he went around the forest fighting all the demons that crossed his path.

He would never be as powerful as a full demon, so he would end up dead in the end.

Perhaps that was his destiny. Maybe the best thing he could do was to disappear.

No one would miss him.

Inuyasha closed his eyes and sighed, walking out of the room and down the palace hallway towards the front door.

He hadn't stopped having negative thoughts since the fight with Kagome.

Shippo slept by his side every night and kept asking questions but Inuyasha didn't want to share his secrets with anyone. Sesshomaru knowing everything was enough.

They hadn't spoken, though his half-brother knew he was staying at the palace and he probably had figured out the reason why.

They avoided each other and Inuyasha had only seen him from afar.

He descended the steps with the training sword in hand, smiling as he watched Shippo run to him.

At that moment, Inuyasha decided he would try. Shippo would miss him so he would do it for him.

If he had been able to live without Kagome for two hundred and fifty years, he could continue his existence without her... no matter how much emptiness he now felt inside himself.

He would never feel whole again and nothing would ever be the same, but he was willing to try for his one and only friend.

And, if his life became too unbearable, there was always another option.

Inuyasha was in the hot springs with Shippo after the sunset. They both needed to heal their wounds quickly in order to continue training together.

"You're too hard on me, Inuyasha," Shippo complained, cleaning a cut on his right arm.

Inuyasha wrinkled his nose, snorting softly.

"It's the only way you'll learn to survive in the forest, brat. Yōkai are very cruel and will finish you off if they detect the slightest weakness in you. You must be strong and be able to dodge any of their attacks."

"I'm still very small and I have trouble holding my sword. It's so heavy."

Inuyasha gave him an icy stare.

"Let me remind you that I lived all alone in the forest when I was your age, and I had to fight with a sword much larger than yours."

Shippo grunted under his breath, glancing sideways at him.

"But you were more powerful than me."

"You're right about that," Inuyasha replied, giving him a cocky grin.

His first fifty years after leaving the Taisho Palace had been hell. He was always scared, running from demons and trying to hide from all of them every day to avoid fighting for his life because they all wanted to take down a filthy hybrid like him.

They were tough and bloody years, but Shippo didn't need to know that.

More than once he had been on the verge of returning to the palace, but Inuyasha knew that no one wanted him there and he didn't want to be a nuisance to Sesshomaru. So he went into hiding, discovered caves in the mountains where he could spend the dark nights unseen and learned to survive.

And, since his body had finished growing, he was no longer afraid of anything.

Though that all changed every time the moon disappeared and he lost his demon powers.

Shippo stuck his tongue out at him and Inuyasha chuckled, sinking deeper into the hot water. The steam it emitted was so soothing and he could feel his wounds closing.

A few minutes passed before the fox demon spoke again.

"Inuyasha... When are you going to tell me why you're so sad?"

He bit his tongue, clenching his fists underwater.

His damned questions again.

"I'm not sad."

"I thought we were friends."

Inuyasha frowned and glanced at him at his words. Shippo's eyes were filled with tears.

"I thought you trusted me already," he added softly, turning away to the stone edge with a defeated look on his face.

Inuyasha grimaced, looking around and flicking both ears in every direction to make sure there were no other demons nearby.

"Okay."

Shippo turned back to him with a big grin on his face and sat down next to him, looking into his eyes with interest.

'Manipulative bastard.'

Inuyasha lowered his voice until it was no more than a whisper.

"This is between you and me, Shippo."

"I won't say a word," he replied with a nod.

After checking once more that they were alone, he decided to tell him the truth.

It was time to start trusting someone and that demon wasn't about to betray him.

"I have found my mate, and she is not in this forest."

Shippo's eyes widened as he gasped in shock.

"Is she a human?"

Inuyasha nodded.

"And do you go visit her on those nights when you can get out of the forest?"

He nodded again. Shippo pursed his lips, not looking away from his face.

"What's she like?"

Inuyasha smiled.

This little yōkai was so different from all the others. None of them had ever shown the slightest interest in humans, but his curiosity was very strong.

"I've never met anyone like her before. She's brave, caring and very loyal."

"And you love her?"

Inuyasha choked on his own saliva and coughed several times. Shippo jumped on his shoulder and patted him on the back.

"What kind of question is that? A yōkai doesn't love anyone," he said, hating the heat he could feel in his cheeks.

The fox shrugged.

"Some of us do. My parents loved each other."

"Well, that's very rare. And the answer is no."

'Are you sure?'

Inuyasha shook his head angrily, trying to get his conscience to shut up for once.

Shippo was still staring at him with his mouth open, which meant the questions weren't over.

"Is she pretty?"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, twisting his lips to the side.

He remembered Kagome's big, brown, hope-filled eyes, her long black hair and how amazing her legs looked when she wore dresses.

That word was an understatement to describe her.

"Keh, you could say that."

"I've never seen a human up close. I'd love to meet her," the fox murmured, tracing circles on the surface of the water with his forefinger.

Inuyasha's face softened.

"I don't think she'd want to meet you. She's afraid of demons."

'And rightly so.'

Shippo raised both eyebrows in surprise.

"Does she know we exist?"

He worked his jaw, averting his gaze to one of the trees. His white ears flicked back and forth on his head, making sure no yōkai were in the vicinity.

"Do you know what a mark is, Shippo?"

The fox nodded.

"My mother wore my father's mark on her neck. When you find your mate you must mark her so that all demons know she belongs to you."

Inuyasha let out a long sigh. Demons were too possessive.

"It's more than that. It's how you initiate the bond... and I have marked Kagome."

He almost smiled at the thought of what she would say if she knew that, in the yōkai world, she now officially belonged to him.

She'd probably send him to hell.

Shippo stifled a yelp, covering his mouth with a hand.

"Did you bite the human? You probably hurt her, my father always said that their skin is much thinner than ours."

The memory of the smell of salt in Kagome's room the first night he visited her came to his mind. Inuyasha gritted his teeth at the thought of how badly his mark had hurt her and how much she had cried because of him.

At least he had been able to ease some of the pain of the wound and speed up the healing with his saliva.

"I couldn't control myself. When I smelled her scent so close I transformed, and now she hates me."

Shippo snorted, shaking his head sadly.

"Maybe if you explain it..."

"She won't listen to me, runt. The best thing I can do for her is to leave her alone and not scare her again. She's been afraid enough because of me."

Shippo was silent for a few seconds, splashing around with one of his hands as he thought.

"Her name is Kagome?"

Inuyasha nodded. Though there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't think about her, hearing her name made him feel even worse.

"Tomorrow is her graduation."

"Graduation?"

"Some kind of party that humans have when they finish their studies."

"And why don't we do that when a group of yōkai finish their years of training?"

Inuyasha's lips curved into a sad smile.

"Because there is nothing to celebrate. Finishing your training only means that your life is in much more danger than before."

"What encouragement you're giving me," Shippo complained.

Inuyasha chuckled, raising a hand and ruffling his hair affectionately.

"You won't be in any danger, brat. I will be by your side when you are ready to leave this palace."

Shippo's smile returned to his face.

"We will protect each other."

Inuyasha nodded, averting his gaze to the sky. The moon was waning again and it was getting closer to the next dark night.

The first one he would not spend with Kagome since they had first spoken, almost three months earlier.

"Why don't you go see her? I can tell you miss her."

"She doesn't want to see me again."

"But..."

Shippo fell silent at the look Inuyasha was giving him. The two of them relaxed in the hot springs until, a minute later, he pressed the issue.

"You could go there without the human finding out about you. Don't you want to see what they do at that graduation?" Shippo asked with his green eyes shining brightly.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. He could tell that the fox was very curious.

"I could go, to... to make sure she's okay," he muttered, scratching his temple as he thought about whether it was a good idea.

His whole being was dying to see Kagome again, but he didn't want to break his promise.

Although, if she didn't notice anything... technically he was keeping his word.

Shippo smiled.

"When you come here again, you'll have to tell me all about it. I want to know more about humans, too."

Inuyasha arched an eyebrow, nudging him with his fist until he fell into the deepest part of the hot springs and grinning as he heard his squeal.

"We'll see, runt."

That night Inuyasha had his arms folded across his chest and his eyes open as he listened to Shippo's breathing beside him.

He could not sleep.

He got up slowly, trying not to make a sound, and pulled on the white kimono he had been wearing since he arrived at the palace.

He had to see her. Kagome had talked so much about how happy she was to finish her studies that he wanted to know how the humans celebrated.

And he needed to see her happy. He didn't want his last memory to be her tear-streaked face as she threatened him with a knife to get him out of her house.

When he reached the door, he turned to look at Shippo.

"I'll be back in a few hours."

Inuyasha walked down the palace corridors quietly, trying not to wake anyone. After descending the stone stairs, he waved to the demons standing guard at the gate and ran through the forest, dodging trees as he made his way to what had been his home for over a hundred years.

The sun was rising and he wanted to retrieve his things before heading back out into the human world.

Kagome sighed for the fifth time.

She was wearing the blue robe of her university with the crest on her lapel and had already picked up her diploma.

She glanced down at the paper in her hands with pride.

She had finally graduated in medicine. Her dream had come true and now she could devote herself to helping other people.

Maybe she could even save lives.

The huge courtyard was filled with graduates and their families. It was a sunny day and not too hot so the professors had decided to hold the ceremony outdoors.

After the last of her classmates picked up their diplomas, Kagome stood up. It was time for the farewell speech she had been rehearsing for days.

She turned to place hers on her chair and looked up at the faculty building directly behind her.

Her breath caught in her throat and all her muscles tensed.

At the very top, just above the roof, was a figure dressed in red.

Kagome gasped as she saw the flash of silver in his long hair.

Inuyasha?

Something tapped on her hand gently and Kagome looked down, meeting Eri's worried face.

"You need to go now," she whispered, offering her the pages of her speech.

Kagome swallowed and nodded. Ayumi and Yuka gave her big, encouraging smiles.

"You'll do great, don't worry," Ayumi murmured.

She still didn't feel like she could speak, so she nodded again.

Panic was running through her body, but Kagome managed to move her legs and walk towards the stage. She clenched the hand where she held her speech to stop its shaking, crumpling the papers.

Inuyasha was back.

She climbed the three steps and advanced towards the lectern where one of her teachers was waiting for her, who stood back and gestured to the microphone with his chin.

Kagome put the papers down on the stand and, with her heart pounding, looked up again.

Nothing. The roof was empty.

Perhaps she had imagined it?

No, she had seen him. He had been there and was probably still nearby.

She let out a shaky breath and noticed the hundreds of students standing before her, all watching her intently.

Looking to the right she saw her mother, Sota and her grandfather. They were all smiles.

Kagome cleared her throat and took a deep breath.

Time to say goodbye to university.

Eri, Yuka and Ayumi wrapped her in a hug, their faces filled with tears.

Kagome smiled, hugging them back.

"It was perfect, Kagome!"

"Yes, we were all moved."

"I had a hard time holding back the tears," Kagome admitted, still smiling.

Her three friends laughed and hugged her again, turning away to look for their families.

Her smile widened as she saw her two best friends approaching, both smiling brightly at her.

"Kagome!" Sara squealed, pouncing on her.

Sango joined in the embrace and Kagome squeezed them both in her arms. They were the only ones who knew what she was going through and understood her. Her sisters from different mother.

"We're so proud of you," Sango mumbled, stroking her hair affectionately.

Kagome sighed, pulling away so she could see their faces.

"Don't say things like that to me or I'll cry."

Sango rolled her eyes and Sara waved a hand as she giggled.

"Cry all you want. Today is a very special day."

"I've never seen you so nervous, Kagome. You were completely white when you came on stage," Sango commented in a mocking voice.

Kagome looked around nervously and replied quietly.

"I wasn't nervous about that."

Sango and Sara's smiles disappeared.

"What happened?"

"I'll tell you later," Kagome whispered, smiling as she saw her mother and Sota walking towards them.

They both nodded and stepped back, letting her family congratulate her.

Sango scanned the courtyard and the university buildings with her gaze, narrowing her eyes.

"Do you sense anything?" she asked in a whisper.

Sara shook her head.

"I can just sense that feeling that there's something in the forest calling me, something that wants me to go in there. Or rather... someone."

Sango furrowed her brow, glancing sideways at her friend.

"How do you know it's someone?"

Sara let out a long sigh.

"I have something to tell you both, too."

Sango clicked her tongue, crossing her arms.

"I guess we're having a girls' night at my house tonight."

Sara smiled again.

"That's a good idea, Sango. But now we're going to celebrate all that Kagome has accomplished with her family, so relax."

"I'll try, but this whole yōkai thing makes me really nervous and knowing that one of them might be out there on the loose..."

"Sango," Sara hissed, grabbing one of her arms and squeezing.

She pursed her lips, giving her a curt nod.

"Okay. We'll talk about it later."

Inuyasha held his breath, hiding behind one of the chimneys.

He was almost certain Kagome had looked up into his eyes.

Had she seen him? Would she know it was him?

He cursed under his breath and jumped into the next building. Inuyasha continued hopping in the direction of the outskirts of the city, moving as fast as he could so the humans couldn't see him.

If any were watching, they would only see a red blur speeding past the buildings.

It had been a very bad idea, though at least he had seen her smile one last time.