There was a time when Anakin carried his lightsaber everywhere. When, in the middle of a war, it had felt like his only lifeline. It felt safe, vital, practically a part of him.
And then in one single horrible day that had all changed. It was an illusion, Anakin realized, and the weapon had brought him nothing but pain and misery. After that, it became heavy, cumbersome, an unwelcome burden he was forced to carry.
Then, once Palpatine was gone, he was finally able to set down that burden for good. And so it happened, that the very day they brought Luke and Leia home from the hospital, Anakin had tucked that lightsaber away in an old toolbox. In the years that followed, the lightsaber stayed in that toolbox, all but forgotten.
Anakin did everything he could to help out the Children of the Force as a mechanic, a translator, a cargo pilot, whatever was needed. Just never as a combatant. He'd hurt enough people for a lifetime. For many lifetimes. He would be happy to never pick up that lightsaber again if he could help it, so it was quite by accident the day he found it.
It had all started because Luke had needed some power converters for one of his projects. Anakin had brought him to Toche Station to buy said power converters, and they were on the way back to the speeder when they passed by a crowd. Anakin pointedly ignored it until Luke began tugging at his sleeve. "Can we go see, Dad?" Luke asked excitedly.
"An older one, but in fine condition. Let's start the bidding at 3000," Anakin heard an amplified voice in the crowd say, and his heart almost leapt out of his chest.
"Are you alright, Dad?" Luke asked with a frown.
Deep breaths, Anakin heard in Healer Pomme's calming voice. Assess the situation.
Anakin took a deep breath and looked up at the podium where the auctioneer stood. Next to him was a slightly beat up looking speeder. And behind that, various droids, hyperdrives, and other ship parts. It's okay. They're just selling ship parts. There is no threat.
Anakin looked back to Luke. "I'm okay, Luke. Let's go take a look."
Luke grinned, and Anakin led him towards the back of the crowd then lifted Luke onto his shoulders so he could see.
Another speeder was up next. Then some pit droids. Nothing Anakin particularly needed. But then…
"Whoa!" exclaimed Luke. "Can we get that one?"
Anakin instantly recognized the item in question. It was a podracer, but unlike the ones Anakin flew nowadays, this one appeared to have been made more or less out of scraps. The cockpit of this particular podracer was much too small to fit a full grown human seeing as it had in fact been built for a child. Anakin was quite surprised to see it in one piece after all these years. He had only ever been allowed to race in it once before Watto had deemed the podracer a failure and sold it.
"This one is an authentic pre-war Tatooine podracer," the auctioneer called out. "It needs some repairs but could be an excellent addition to the collection of any podracing enthusiast. Let's start the bidding at 200."
It was obvious that the auctioneer had no idea what he actually had on his hands or he would have started the bidding at 100 times that. After all, Anakin remained Tatooine's most legendary racer, even if there was a lot more competition for that title nowadays. He still won most of the time, and regardless of Ahsoka's persistent teasing about how slow he was getting in his old age, Anakin was sure that Han kid had just gotten lucky, not to mention totally cheated, in that race a few months back. There was no way those engines had been up to code. There were rules now, rules that Anakin followed, no matter how annoying they might be. Still, he would admit (albeit grudgingly) that Han Solo was a pretty decent pilot.
Anakin had been distracted for a moment by his musings over upstart pilots, and the bidding was now up to 380. "400," he called out. The bidding went on for a couple more rounds after that, but in the end, Anakin managed to finally become the owner of the podracer he had built almost two decades ago.
Luke examined the podracer excitedly once they got it home. "Can I fly it, Dad? Please? I want to be a podracer like you!"
Anakin's breath caught in his throat for a moment as Luke so forcefully reminded him of another child who had once told him the same thing. Luke was so much like the sister he had never gotten to meet that sometimes it was painful.
But there was something else there too now when Anakin thought about the daughter he had lost. The sorrow, the regret, the longing were all still there and would never go away, but now, underneath all that, there was a touch of joy and fondness at the memory, and Anakin knew in that moment that painful as it was to lose Kari, he would never give up those memories of her, even if it would make the pain go away.
Anakin smiled and ruffled Luke's hair. "Of course you can, Luke. Just as soon as we can get it fixed up." And once he had throttled the engines and installed every safety feature ever invented, of course.
And so repairing the old podracer became a project that the two of them would work together on most afternoons. Anakin was continually impressed with what a natural Luke was at this. At only 7 years old, Luke seemed to understand instinctively how all the engine components fit together in a way that a lot of people many times his age didn't.
On this particular day, he and Luke were working on repairing the podracer's steering system while at the opposite end of the workshop, Benji was helping Leia work on her mind tricks. It was an advanced technique and one Leia wasn't expected to learn yet, but one of her classmates, Ezra, had managed it, and Leia was never to be outdone.
Anakin watched as Benji held out a candy, just out of Leia's reach. "Go on. Try again."
"You will give me the candy," said Leia.
Benji shook his head. "Better, but still not good enough."
Leia scowled. "It's not fair. It's never going to work on you," she complained.
"That wouldn't have worked on a womp rat," Benji informed her.
"You don't know that! Maybe it would!" Leia insisted. Then, "I'm going to try it with Mom."
"You will not mind trick your mother," Anakin interjected.
"I will not… Hey!" Leia glared at him.
Anakin chuckled. "Doesn't feel so good, does it? You wouldn't have managed it anyway. Your mother has a will of durasteel."
Leia frowned for a moment before repeating with renewed determination, "You will give me the candy."
"Dad, I can't get this bolt loose," Luke called from beneath one of the engines. "I don't think this hydrospanner fits it."
Anakin ducked down to look at the bolt in question. "Yeah, that's not a standard size," he confirmed. "There should be something around here that will fit though."
The next several minutes were spent with them both searching the workshop for a hydrospanner that could loosen the bolt in question. Finally, Anakin found a promising looking one in a drawer he was searching. He turned to try it, but stopped as he saw Luke standing, frozen in place looking at something else.
In his son's hand was a lightsaber. A lightsaber that Anakin had not seen in 7 years.
"Whoa! Is this yours?" Luke asked, his voice full only of innocent wonder.
Anakin gulped. "Uh yes, it is. Or it was." Leia had wandered over now too and was also examining the lightsaber. "It's broken though," he quickly added.
Leia looked at him, crossing her arms, her face determined and stubborn in a look that was simultaneously so much like Padme and also all her own. "Well then fix it, Daddy," she said, as though it were the most obvious thing ever.
Anakin chuckled as he knelt down next to the twins, taking the lightsaber from Luke. "Some things just can't be fixed, little angel."
"It can though," Benji said from across the room, looking up to meet his father's eyes. And from the unhumorous, entirely serious look Benji gave him, Anakin knew that his older son at least understood exactly what was "broken" about the lightsaber. "Or Ahsoka thinks so anyway," Benji amended. "There are old records of it."
If anyone knew, it would be Ahsoka. She had done what the Jedi never had and actually aimed to understand the nature of the dark side, rather than just fearing it. Hours upon hours, she had spent tracking down and reading old texts from the time of the Sith Wars, searching for any account of someone touching the dark side without being consumed by it.
Anakin briefly wondered why Ahsoka never mentioned it to him if she had discovered such a technique. As soon as he thought it though, he realized that she probably wouldn't have thought he would care. Because while he respected her goal of understanding the dark side, Anakin personally tried to think about it as little as possible. He had shared with her what he knew from his own experiences since he owed Ahsoka that much, but he wanted nothing more to do with the project than that.
Even so, if there was a way to right some tiny part of the wrong he had done, Anakin knew he had to try. "How?" he asked.
Benji shook his head. "I'm not sure. I don't know if there were any specifics."
But Anakin thought he might already know anyway. "I have an idea," he said. "But," he added, "I'm going to need some help."
The four of them sat in a circle, Anakin removed the poisoned kyber crystal from the lightsaber's core. It was a horrible thing, full of pain and evil, and his every instinct screamed to just to throw it away, to crush it, to destroy it completely and utterly. But Anakin resisted the urge.
He closed his eyes and sank into the force. The putrid presence of the corrupted crystal loomed large and might have been overwhelming had he been alone, but Anakin was not alone. He reached out for each of the kids, and they pulled him in, so incredibly bright that the darkness now seemed insignificant, and Anakin was overwhelmed by just how much he loved each of them. How lucky he was.
For a moment, he just took it all in, letting himself be filled with contentment and happiness and joy and love. And then he turned his focus to that lone dark blemish, knowing exactly what he had to do.
The kyber crystal could only take what it was given, and 7 years ago, Anakin had given it all the very worst he had to offer. So now, he gave it the very best. Where before there was cruelty, now there was gentleness. Where before there was resentment, now there was gratitude. Where before there was hate, now there was love, and Anakin felt something change not only within the kyber crystal but also within himself.
He opened his eyes and peered down at the crystal, now pure white. It had not been broken beyond repair after all, and for the first time in a great many years, Anakin Skywalker truly believed that perhaps he was not broken beyond repair either.
AN:
Ahhh, it's finally done! Thank you so much to all of you who stuck with me through this. I've enjoyed reading all your comments so much, and I really couldn't have done it without you.