This chapter is a complete headcanon that I have had stuck in my head for weeks now. I've always been fascinated by Emily's childhood and parents. She basically never talks about her father but she brings up her mother from time to time and I've always felt like it was a mistake not to dive a little deeper into that.

Elizabeth Prentiss only appeared in one episode, but based on how Emily talks about her, I see her as a bit of a tragic character. She seems so worried about politics and optics that she never really got to know her own daughter. Anyway, this chapter is going to explore that a little. I hope you all enjoy it.

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

11x15 A Badge And A Gun

"What's the harm in just giving her a chance?"

Emily shook her head and crossed her arms. Giving her a chance. How many chances was she going to give her mother? She ran out of patience for her some time ago.

"Look, I don't care if she lets me down - I'm used to it. But I won't let her hurt Michael and Henry."

"We don't even know what she wants. She doesn't have to meet them yet - but she's their grandmother. Don't you think we should give her the benefit of the doubt? For Michael and Henry?" JJ pleaded softly.

Emily looked to the side and let a breath out. JJ looked so hopeful. She still believed that they could reconcile. Emily shook her head a little, frustrated by the emotion pooling in her eyes. She looked back at JJ.

"Okay."

JJ smiled tenderly. "It's just one lunch."

Emily nodded silently and JJ placed a loving hand on Emily's cheek before turning away. Emily didn't like this. She hadn't even invited her mother to their wedding. She knew from experience that when push came to shove, Elizabeth Prentiss would always put her career before her family. She would always choose self-preservation, regardless of the consequences. And over the years, Emily had developed a thick enough skin to take it - but she wouldn't let that happen to her children. She refused.

Still, JJ was right - in her heart of hearts, she did want her mother to know that she had two grandsons. Even if it could mean being disappointed by her again.

"Hello, Emily." Emily had to let go of JJ's hand as her mother pulled her in for a hug.

"Mother…" She said stiffly.

"Agent Jaraeu, it's nice to see you again."

Emily furrowed her brow. She was already irritated. Was her mother really going to keep calling her wife Agent Jaraeu? Emily took in a deep breath and did her best to assume positive intent. She could do this - for JJ - for Michael and Henry - she could give her mother the benefit of the doubt.

"Elizabeth," JJ replied politely, moving to sit at the table.

"It was a pleasant surprise to hear that you'd be joining us," Elizabeth continued. She picked up the menu and JJ glanced at Emily who took the hint and cleared her throat.

"Mom, we actually have some news," Emily said slowly.

Her mother brought her attention back to Emily. She stared at her expectantly. Emily felt like the words wouldn't come. How was she supposed to just tell her mother something this big? Emily knew that her mother had already deduced that they had gotten married without telling her. She had seen her glance down at JJ's hand as they sat down. But at least Emily had told her that she was planning on proposing. She never told her mother about this.

Emily opened her phone and found a photo of Michael and Henry. She hesitated briefly before turning the phone and showing her mother. "These are your grandsons."

The silence lasted forever. Elizabeth continued to look at the photo. JJ's eyes darted back and forth between the two women. She had only met Elizabeth once and Emily didn't like talking about her, so JJ didn't know what this reaction meant.

"You were pregnant and didn't tell me?"

"Not me, mom. JJ."

A waitress appeared and happily introduced herself. She was completely unaware of the awkward moment she had just interrupted. But JJ felt the weight of Elizabeth Prentiss' gaze fall onto her as the waitress spoke. She did her best to hold her face neutral. It seemed like Elizabeth had no idea what to make of this new development. Finally, the waitress was gone.

"Ah, Agent Jareau - congratulations." Emily furrowed her brow in frustration, but JJ quickly put a hand on her leg. She knew her too well. Emily held her tongue. "So, tell me, is Aaron Hotchner well?"

Neither of them responded. Emily just stared back at her mother. She wasn't even surprised - she just didn't know what to say.

"I just told you that you have two grandsons, and you have no questions? You don't even know their names."

"Of course," she replied, shaking her head a little. "I'm sorry - do you want me to ask?"

Emily clenched her jaw. What kind of question was that? Her anger was quickly taking on a life of its own. "No - I want you to care. I want you to care enough to ask what my kids' names are."

"Agent Jareau's kids."

"What did you just say?"

There was a painful silence. Emily seemed unphased by the awkwardness. She was staring cold fire back at her mother.

JJ turned to her and spoke softly, "Em, it's -"

"It's not okay," she interrupted forcefully. Emily may have been talking to JJ but she never looked away from her mother. Elizabeth's expression was becoming shameful. She was squirming under the ferocity of her daughter's eyes.

"I should go," JJ said quickly. This was going somewhere bad. And it was clear to JJ that her presence was only adding fuel to the fire. She was about to push her chair away from the table but Emily stopped her.

"No," She hissed, finally looking away from her mother. JJ paused. She watched Emily set her jaw and take a breath in. "It's JJ. Or Jennifer. It isn't Agent Jareau. She's my wife. She is the mother of my children." Emily let out a heavy sigh. JJ glanced between the two, then down at the table. Emily had warned her this was a bad idea. And she had been right. Now Emily was hurt and JJ couldn't help but blame herself.

"I -" Elizabeth looked genuinely regretful. "I am happy for you. Both of you," she added, looking at JJ. "But, Emily, you know it's not that simple." Emily nodded, knowingly. She felt the emotion in her eyes and it made her even more angry.

"Yeah, I think we're done here," Emily said quietly. She stood from the table and turned expectantly at JJ who stood too.

"Emily, don't be like that," her mother begged. "Please, try to understand - you may not like to hear this, but we're not so different - you and me."

"Only where it matters, I guess," Emily bit back. "Their names are Michael and Henry, by the way. In case you care."

JJ glanced at Elizabeth one last time as Emily took her hand. There was a very small part of her that felt bad for the older woman - but there was a much larger part that was furious for how she continued to treat her daughter. It wasn't easy for JJ to meet the older woman's eyes. Because she could see it - Elizabeth was ashamed of her daughter. And there was nothing that could really bridge a gap like that.

Emily sat in silence as they drove back to the station. JJ glanced at her apprehensively.

"I'm really sorry, Em. I shouldn't've made you do that. I -"

"Stop," Emily whispered. JJ saw her wife's grip tighten around the steering wheel. Her knuckles were turning white. She didn't say anything more - just continued to stare out the windshield. No matter how hard she tried, Emily couldn't seem to find the words. Not yet anyway. She was too angry. So, they sat in silence all the way back to the BAU.

They found themselves alone on the elevator. JJ felt a gentle arm wrap around her waist and moments later, Emily's lips pressed into the side of her head. Emily lingered there for a moment, breathing her in.

Once they got home for the evening, Emily immediately took a sleeping Michael into her arms and walked off into the back room with him. Sandy turned to look at JJ. She raised her eyebrows and JJ smiled sadly.

"So, I take it lunch didn't go well?" She asked. Henry's head was laying on her chest. He was fast asleep, breathing softly. JJ placed a tender hand on his back and stared at his innocent face.

She chuckled darkly, "No…"

"Is she going to be okay?" Sandy asked.

"Yeah, I think so…" JJ's hand smoothed down her son's soft hair and basked in the warmth. She was determined to focus solely on the beautiful baby boy that she was lucky enough to call her own.

"Are you okay?"

JJ clenched her jaw a little, trying to fight the emotion she could feel building behind her eyes. She finally looked away from Henry. Her eyes flickered up to meet Sandy's but broke away quickly. She shook her head a little. "I will be…" JJ said quietly.

Sandy shifted to pass Henry to JJ, taking extra care to make sure he didn't wake up. JJ instantly felt better. Henry's warmth spread through her body. This was the best therapy.

"I'm gonna head out," Sandy whispered. "Go take care of your wife." She began to walk toward the door. JJ watched as she put on her jacket and grabbed her bag. She was reaching for the door when JJ stopped her.

"Mom?" She sounded emotional. "Thank you."

JJ found Emily sitting on the floor next to Michael's crib. She was staring, transfixed by her sleeping son. JJ smiled softly at the sight. Anything but cold. She crossed the room and put Henry in his crib. Emily turned her head to look up at her. There was something in her eyes. Something JJ had only seen a couple times before. Emily stood. She ran a reassuring hand down JJ's arm before heading towards their bedroom. JJ watched her go for a moment. She turned back, giving her boys one last look before following her wife.

JJ went to their bathroom and began getting ready for bed. Emily's silence was beginning to worry her a little. She just wanted to know what was going through her head. JJ turned her head at the creak of the bathroom door. The look in Emily's eyes had only intensified. It was a cocktail of pain, desperation, and desire. Actually, it was more like lust. JJ stood frozen to her spot as Emily made her way over to her. JJ searched her eyes, hoping that Emily would talk to her. She looked sad. As if she was begging JJ silently for comfort.

Emily gently turned JJ's body to face hers, leaning in to kiss her lips. The kiss was desperate and sloppy. It wasn't the way Emily usually kissed her. She felt Emily's fingers on the button of her pants and JJ reached to stop her. She pulled away from her lips.

"Em…" JJ was shaking her head back and forth. Emily looked at her with a broken expression. "Maybe this isn't a good idea."

Emily let out a ragged breath. She knew JJ was right. This was probably a bad idea. Burying her pain in sex wouldn't fix anything. Sure, she would feel better momentarily - but ultimately, her problems would still be problems. But Emily didn't really care at that moment. She just wanted some relief.

"Please…" Emily said softly. JJ looked conflicted. Emily knew that she could break her. And she was in a dark enough place that she was going to try. Emily leaned closer. "Please, just this once…"

JJ let out a shaky breath. She didn't really understand what Emily meant by that. But it was more than apparent that she was hurting. And it would be a lie to say JJ didn't want her too. She needed some intimacy - she wanted to show Emily that their love was anything but invalid. Plus, it had been a while since they were able to have any alone time.

"Please, Jennifer..." Emily's eyes were searing into hers.

JJ relented, capturing her lips again. Emily wasted no time, sliding her hands up under JJ's shirt and pulling it up over her head roughly. She dragged her backwards out of the bathroom and towards their bed. Her kisses were quickly becoming sloppy again. Too frantic to be tender. JJ knew tonight was going to be different. She did her best to match her wife's eagerness. She wanted to be what Emily needed.

JJ lowered herself to sit on their bed and watched as Emily pulled her own shirt and pants off. She kissed JJ again and pushed her back slowly, Emily hovering above her. This was helping. JJ's hands were running up and down her back in the most intoxicating way. And it was helping. Emily shifted to pull JJ's pants down her legs, throwing them to the side. Emily allowed herself an extra moment to take in her wife's beauty. JJ was clearly worried - it was written all over her face. Emily climbed back on top of her, using one of her hands to spread her legs so she could settle between them. JJ's hands went to Emily's face, pulling her down to kiss her again. Emily's hands found the back of her knees, locking JJ's legs around her hips. JJ took in a deep breath as Emily's lips left hers and started traveling down the skin on her neck. JJ closed her eyes.

Emily felt so different tonight. She was more urgent. She was rougher than usual. JJ knew that Emily would never hurt her - but still, this unfamiliar side of her wife made her a little nervous. She was obviously angry and hurt by what had happened. So was JJ. But she knew it wasn't the same. At the end of the day, JJ got to come home to her mother, taking care of their children. A mother that accepted her. That was something Emily would never have.

Emily ran a hand up her wife's leg all the way up the side of her body. As usual, JJ was a welcome distraction. And Emily needed a distraction. She brought her lips back up to JJ's with a demanding kiss. She was so desperate for some kind of release. The familiar pain of rejection never got any easier to bare. A rejection she saw coming. Saw coming and yet, was still woefully unprepared for how it would affect her. Because this time her mother hadn't just rejected her. She had also rejected JJ - and her children… So, in some twisted way, she felt like she needed to do this. Just on principle, if for no other reason. She wanted to prove that she was nothing like her mother. And that she would never apologize for loving JJ.

JJ felt Emily's hands sliding under the material of her bra. JJ shifted to allow her to take it off. The brief moment allowed her to gaze at her wife's face. She looked hardened. Determined. JJ brought a hand to her face. But as soon as Emily was finished with her task, she went back to kissing her neck. She seemed uninterested in taking things slow. JJ felt her tongue on her skin. The way Emily was kissing her was definitely going to leave a mark. JJ leaned her head forward and kissed Emily's shoulder. JJ ran a hand across her back hoping it would bring Emily some comfort.

No doubt she wanted Emily - but everything was off. Emily was too angry or upset or broken - she didn't feel the same. She wasn't kissing her the way she usually did. She wasn't touching her the way she usually did. She wasn't hitting the right spots. The ones she knew drove JJ crazy. The ones JJ knew she had memorized after years of marriage. And the longer it went on, the more desperate it seemed Emily was becoming. JJ briefly considered faking it. The last thing Emily needed after today was to think her wife wasn't attracted to her. But JJ abandoned that thought - she tried to focus on Emily and the feeling of her bare skin. But JJ's eyes snapped open moments later. She could feel Emily's tears on her neck.

"Emily?" She said, voice laced with alarm.

She had never seen Emily like this. Never. Emily didn't respond, keeping up her rhythm and not moving her face from JJ's neck. But no matter what Emily did, JJ wasn't going to be able to focus on anything other than the fact that she was crying. She was crying during sex. JJ pulled Emily's head away from her neck.

"Are you crying?"

She obviously was. JJ's eyes filled with concern. She quickly pushed the hair out of Emily's face.

"It's not you," she said quickly, letting out a sob. JJ didn't know what to do. Emily was falling apart. She was shaking her head, avoiding eye contact. "Just ignore me, I'll stop," she said, trying to go back to kissing her. JJ stopped her.

"I can't ignore you…" JJ said in disbelief. Did Emily really think that she would be able to? Emily stopped moving and let out another small sob. JJ took Emily's face in her hands. "Look at me…" she pleaded. But Emily wouldn't. She was still looking down.

"I love you," Emily said, her eyebrows pinched together in anguish. She finally met JJ's eyes. There was an aching in them. JJ stared back at her. Emily's mouth formed a hard line.

"You don't have anything to prove to me, Emily."

"I know," she admitted, voice still cracking with emotion. "Please, just let me… You haven't - I need to -" Emily couldn't finish her thought but JJ knew what she was trying to say. She hesitated. Part of her told her to stop. But she knew that would likely only make Emily feel worse.

"Slow down," JJ breathed. She ran the back of her hand across her cheek.

Emily's face was only inches above hers. She could feel JJ's breath. Emily nodded slightly. JJ felt like she was finally getting through to her. JJ slipped one of her hands under the covers down between their bodies. She took Emily's hand and shifted it slightly. JJ nodded and Emily kept her eyes locked on her wife's face as she began moving again.

"Like that," JJ said softly.

She closed her eyes. It finally felt like Emily again. Her movements were slower and more deliberate. JJ could feel Emily's love for her. And it was quickly winding her up. Emily leaned down to kiss her. JJ's breathing was becoming heavier - encouraging Emily to keep going. She moaned into her wife's mouth. JJ could taste the salt from her tears. JJ ran her hands over her wife's skin; her legs were still around her hips. It didn't take long. But the feeling was bittersweet. JJ almost felt guilty for feeling so good when Emily seemed so miserable. Emily gently let JJ's legs down, and rolled to the side, laying on her back next to her. JJ turned her head, to find Emily staring at the ceiling with an unreadable expression. She didn't know what to make of it. Emily wasn't crying anymore, but JJ could still see where the tears had been.

"Are we gonna talk about it?"

Emily stayed quiet for a long moment. JJ couldn't do anything but wait for her to speak. No matter how hard she fought to ignore it, there was still a voice in the back of her mind telling her that Emily was acting this way out of shame. It made her feel sick.

"I really thought I wouldn't care what she said…" Emily began in a low voice. JJ stared at the side of her wife's face. She watched Emily smile to herself. It was a painful smile. Like she was soaking in the pain of the truth. "How about that?" She whispered satirically. She would always care what her mother thought. But she also knew that Henry and Michael would always care what she thought. Which meant she had the power to break the cycle.

Emily focused on the ceiling fan. It was spinning slowly. She could feel JJ's concerned eye on her. How was she supposed to look at her after what had just happened? Even though she knew JJ's love for her was unyielding, it would be a lie to say she wasn't a little embarrassed. She felt JJ put a tentative hand on her shoulder. The physical touch seemed to pull her out of her trance. She turned her head instantly to gaze into JJ's eyes. She looked insecure. Of course she did. Emily cursed herself. How else was she supposed to look after her wife started crying in the middle of sex?

If Emily could've, she would've told her how much she appreciated her - that just being close to her made her feel better - that JJ had absolutely no reason to question Emily's devotion. But she couldn't find the words. Instead, Emily shifted so that she could lay her head on JJ's shoulder. A gesture that surprised JJ. All evening, Emily had seemed detached and aloof. But now, she was holding onto her tightly. JJ reciprocated, tightening her arms around Emily's body. JJ kissed the side of her head softly.

The following morning they were running late… again. Emily busied herself with dressing Michael and Henry while JJ got ready for work. She didn't say anything as she watched JJ pull a turtleneck over her head to cover up the very obvious hickeys on her neck.

Sandy Jareau arrived as they were feeding the boys. Emily looked down at the baby in her arms. She didn't want to let him go. His eyes were staring up at her with undeniable trust. No one had hurt him yet. No one had ever given him a reason to be distrustful.

The day and the case seemed to pass slowly. But when it was finally time to go home, Emily seemed to have disappeared. JJ was walking casually past the conference room when she finally spotted her. Emily rushed around a corner quickly and darted into Dave's dark, empty office.

JJ blinked, a little confused. But then it made sense: seconds later, Spencer came around the corner leading Elizabeth Prentiss down the hall. Evidently they hadn't seen Emily make her getaway.

"I swear I just saw her," Spencer said in innocent confusion. JJ glanced at the room she knew Emily was in and sprang into action. She cut Spencer and Elizabeth off only a few feet before the open door. Had they walked a couple more steps, they would've passed Emily.

"Hey, Spence. I got this," JJ said nervously. Spencer smiled happily and went back the way he came.

Upon seeing JJ, Elizabeth looked regretful. She looked JJ up and down and seemed to understand. "She doesn't want to talk to me, right?" JJ just stared back at her. Elizabeth continued.

"She… she used to try - to know me. She used to reach out. But, um… she doesn't anymore. It's my fault, I never put in any effort. I just never know what to say to her. She looks... she looks like her father." Elizabeth sighed. "And I blamed him for leaving. He was a coward, he was, but - I was just cold. I never tried with her. I never let myself know her… and now I don't know how to know her."

At first, JJ didn't say anything. She didn't know if she wanted to give Elizabeth the satisfaction quite yet. Because JJ didn't forgive her. And this went way deeper than a strained relationship between mother and daughter. But when she looked into the older woman's eyes she saw the desperation. The same desperation she saw day in and day out in the eyes of the grieving. Her eyes were the same shade of forlorn. And before she knew what she was doing, JJ was speaking in a soft, fragile voice.

"Well, Emily is anything but cold. She smiles... not all the time, you know, because she's been through a lot, but when she does, it's like you just feel warm." JJ paused. She could feel Emily's eyes on her from within Dave's dark office. She swallowed and continued.

"She's kind. She's got a hard head. Yeah, I mean, she can be a little stubborn…" JJ said with a small, anxious laugh. A flash of a smile played on Emily's face from within the dark room. JJ became serious again.

"She's flawed, but she's kind. She cares about people and, um... She cares about her job. She's a brilliant profiler… an even better mother." JJ could see pride growing in Elizabeth's eyes. She was getting emotional listening to JJ - her eyes glazing over in dreamy anguish.

"And I know I never met her father, but I think a lot of that - I think a lot of who she is -" JJ paused. "I think she gets from you."

Elizabeth blinked and tilted her head back slightly, trying to keep the tears from falling. She smiled sadly, and sniffed a little. "Um…" Elizabeth laughed nervously, slightly embarrassed to be crying. She met JJ's eyes. "Thank you." Elizabeth paused momentarily before adding, "Jennifer."

JJ watched her turn and leave. Once she was halfway to the elevator, and JJ was sure Elizabeth wouldn't come back, JJ turned her head just slightly in Emily's direction. She didn't look into the office, but Emily knew that was her way of acknowledging her before walking away too. JJ felt Emily's eyes watch her go.