CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

13x01 Wheels Up

It was Luke that got her out. She didn't know how much time she'd lost - but she knew she'd passed out. There was a pounding in her head that was overwhelming her senses. She stumbled across the pavement away from the destroyed SUV. JJ tried to touch the gash on her forehead. The blood was making it hard for her to open her right eye. She tentatively touched her head and winced.

"You got some broken glass in your scalp, JJ, okay?" He gave her something to soak up the blood. "Just hold this till the ambulance comes, all right?" JJ looked around and surveyed the scene. She saw Dave in the distance - he was flagging down the approaching medics. Turning, she saw Penelope. Luke ran over to her - she was completely frozen staring into the back of the SVU JJ had just crawled out of.

"He's gone. He's gone." Luke said gently. His hand was on Penelope's shoulder. JJ's head was spinning. Stephen was dead. She was starting to feel nauseous. She had to have a concussion. Through the blur in her vision she watched Luke leave Garcia's side and run to help Tara who was laying on the ground. But it wasn't until Dave yelled her name that she noticed. And when she did, a horrible chill ran up her spine. Because if Emily was missing it only meant one of two things - either she was badly injured or Scratch had her. In a twisted way, she was hoping for the former. Because if Scratch really did have her, he'd be doing something worse.

She could hear the beeping of a heart monitor. She'd been in enough hospitals to recognize the sound without opening her eyes. But everything else was off. She opened her eyes painfully. It didn't look right. The room was dark, not bright like most hospitals. And it smelled wrong. It didn't smell like a hospital.

"Well, hello Emily."

A man stepped out of the shadows and suddenly everything made sense. She was right - this wasn't a hospital. "Son of a bitch…" she muttered.

"It's nice to see you."

"Did you grab all of us? Huh? Are we all here? Luke! JJ!"

"No. It's just you." In a strange way, that brought Emily a sense of relief. Even if Scratch killed her - at least JJ would still be there for their sons. "The truck I drove into your team did kill SSA Stephen Walker." The relief immediately drained from her body. "Leaves behind a wife and two children, I believe?"

Lewis smiled a little. He was also talking about her. It didn't come as a surprise that he knew about her marriage - about her children. He was speaking about Stephen - but he was also telling her what her fate was. She would leave behind a wife and two children…

"I will make sure you fry for this."

"Jennifer, you need to get your head checked out. Please!" Reid was walking beside her. There was a fire lit in her eyes - she looked determined.

"No, I'm fine, Spence." He blocked her way and stared at her intensely. "Let me go."

"No."

"Every minute that passes Scratch gets harder to find."

"We will get him. But, JJ, you need to take care of yourself. Please." Spencer watched her resolve weaken. She was starting to tear up.

"Oh god, Spence," he wrapped his arms around her and held her on her feet.

"JJ, I swear to you, I will do everything in my power to find her - but please, take care of yourself."

JJ nodded her head quietly.

Hours later, she found herself in David's hospital room. She was staring at him. She figured if she focused hard enough on him, she could keep her mind from completely unraveling. She could stop from completely breaking down…

"Can I help you with something, Jennifer?"

JJ's eyes widened in shock and relief. She stood up from her seat. "Dave?"

"Is my leg still attached?"

"Yeah…"

"Is Prentiss…"

JJ's bottom lip trembled a little. She looked down and clenched her hand into a tight fist. It was the only thing that could stop them from shaking.

"Jennifer, I -" JJ looked up at her friend. It wasn't like him to stumble over his words. "I don't know what to say to you…" He finally finished.

"I don't know what to say to me either…" JJ leaned back in the hospital chair, a darkness fell over her face. "You wanna know something?" She seemed scared of her own words. Afraid of what was about to come out of her mouth. "I've been sitting here… and a part of me - has been hoping that he's already killed her." Dave didn't respond. He'd never seen JJ in such a dark place. Not even when she had been abducted. "What kind of person hopes their wife is dead? What kind of FBI agent - knowing how things happen - what kind…" Dave looked into her shameful eyes. Her bottom lip was trembling. She broke eye contact and looked at her hands. Thinking it was bad enough, but saying it out loud to her friend - she felt horrible. "Please don't tell anyone," JJ whispered.

There was a long moment of silence before Dave softly said, "It's because you know how these things happen, Jennifer. You stare into the abyss everyday so that other people don't have to. And it's honorable… but on days like this it's a burden. Because you know what is happening to her right now - and most people wouldn't. It's a burden that we all carry."

JJ nodded to herself - Dave was exactly right. Ignorance was bliss. And she knew all too well. Her mouth formed a hard line, trying to keep from crying. "It took me a long time to find her. And even then, it took me a long time to even know that I wanted her."

David nodded his head in quiet support.

"Scratch took Emily. I saw him." Everyone was there - Spencer, Luke, David, and JJ. She was sitting on the end of Tara's bed, hanging on her every word. Tara was the last to wake up. She was the only one that had any new information. "He dosed her."

"In the SUV while she was knocked out?"

"Yeah. He brought his gas with him…"

Your legs are broken. Your right arm is broken. You're in severe traction, and you're paralyzed. You feel unimaginable agony all over your body unless I give you high doses of pain killer.

"She would wake in a delusion he'd have total control over," David speculated.

"She's one of the smartest people we know. She'd see through it," Luke countered.

"So Scratch would go even farther," David said back.

"Sometimes interrogator's even simulate death. Man, he could make it feel like the real thing."

"No." It was JJ who spoke. The first time she'd said anything the whole time. "That wouldn't work. Remember…" She turned to David, "when Emily told us about when she died - for real died. How for her, it was just dark and cold?"

"That's right. If he made her experience some out-of-body vision, she'd know it was a lie."

JJ nodded and swallowed thickly. It was at that moment that she decided she couldn't be part of the rescue mission. Because if she was, she would kill him. She wouldn't hesitate.

Emily felt the first wave of relief when she realized that her legs were fine. That she wasn't paralyzed. That this was nothing but a delusion created by Scratch. She felt the second wave of relief when Matt found her. She thought it was Peter at first. She didn't know how Matt had got there, but she didn't care. She knew she was safe. The third wave came when Spencer wrapped his arms around her. She let herself cry into his neck. He was real. He wasn't a delusion or a dream. But nothing hit her like the moment she finally saw JJ. She was waiting outside, pacing and watching the door nervously. JJ stopped pacing. Spencer's arm was still wrapped around Emily's waist as they crossed the short distance to her. JJ met them halfway. Spencer removed his arm from around Emily's waist and took a step back so that JJ could hug her.

In the chaos of the scene, JJ was able to pull Emily away from the noise behind an ambulance. She felt like everyone was staring at them. She just needed some privacy. JJ brought her hands to frame Emily's face. Her eyes moved quickly, trying to take in everything. Emily looked mostly fine - but there was a bruise forming on her right cheek. And she looked fatigued.

"What did he do to you?"

Emily didn't answer right away. Because the truth was - she wasn't completely sure what had really happened and what was part of the delusion.

"How are the kids?" Emily countered quickly.

"They're fine. My mom is with them. Never even woke up."

JJ saw a bit of relief on Emily's face. She still looked uncomfortable though. Maybe that was the wrong word… she looked haunted. Like she didn't know what was real and what wasn't.

"How are you?" Emily asked softly.

"Aren't I supposed to be asking you that?"

"You will - but right now I need to know about you."

"Um," JJ paused and broke eye contact. "He - he gave me the front seat."

"Stephen did?"

"Yeah. I was all set to sit in the back, but he got there first, and I -" There was a far-off look in JJ's eyes. Emily could see the guilt. Survivor's guilt. It broke Emily's heart. "So, is it time to call it? That was the deal, right? If it got too scary, one of us could call it."

Emily tilted her head to the side and smiled briefly. "Well, if I remember, you would be a full-time mom, and I would go into business with Morgan."

"Mm, and we'd go to all the PTA meetings. Be home at 5:00 o'clock every night."

"Hmm, it's tempting."

"Yeah… So, do you want to call it?"

Emily hesitated. She looked down at their hands. She was holding JJ's left hand - she brought it up between them, studying the diamond ring. She rubbed her thumb over it. JJ watched as a soft smile graced her lips.

"We've worn these for five years, but I've loved you for ten."

"Hasn't been easy."

"No, but I wouldn't trade a single day, not even the awful ones like today… I'll do whatever you want to do, but I don't -"

"Oh, thank God! Neither do I."

Emily chuckled lightly at her wife. Being a profiler was so much a part of JJ's identity. Emily wondered if she could ever take that away from her. JJ traced her thumb across Emily's lips briefly before leaning in to kiss her.

"Hey, Prentiss, we need you to -" The sudden appearance of Luke made Emily jump a little. JJ pulled back from the kiss and smiled timidly. They'd never been caught kissing on the job before. Luke stopped abruptly and averted his eyes embarrassingly. "Sorry, I didn't - I should've -"

"It's okay, Luke," Emily said, trying to ease his awkwardness. "What do you need?"

"We need you to give a statement," he said. Emily turned and gave JJ a smile and a small reassuring nod of her head before following Luke.

JJ finished putting her earrings in and turned to see how Emily was doing. The adrenaline of abduction had stopped her from feeling the extent of her injuries. But when she finally was able to relax, she realized just how beat up she was from the car crash. Emily had taken the brunt of the impact and it left her badly bruised. JJ watched as Emily sat on the edge of their bed and struggled to step into her dress. JJ walked over and bent down.

There was a brief moment when Emily considered denying the help, but she let it go quickly. JJ was only trying to help. She rested her hands on her wife's shoulders as JJ pulled the clothing over her feet. "Stand," JJ whispered and Emily stood slowing, wincing a little. JJ stood as well, pulling the black dress up with her. When they were face to face, they held eye contact for a long moment. Emily smiled a little sheepishly.

"Thanks."

JJ just nodded in response.

The funeral was awful. As funeral's so often were. Emily held JJ's hand tightly for support. Not only had she lost a good friend, but she lost a member of her team. And it felt so different now that she was the Unit Chief. It felt like it was her fault. And even though Stephen's wife refused to let Emily take any of the blame, she still felt responsible.

JJ wrapped her arm around one of Emily's as they walked back to their car. It was a beautiful day. The sun felt warm against her skin. There was a light, warm breeze that blew Emily's hair just enough for JJ to smell her conditioner.

"How's the head? Need me to change the gauze?" Emily asked. Her voice didn't sound like her own. It sounded slight and shallow. JJ delicately touched her forehead.

"No, I think it's okay for now." Once they were out of earshot from everyone else, JJ spoke again. "So, when are you going to tell Hotch?"

Emily sighed. "Dave and I are going to call him when we get back to the BAU. He has a choice to make."

"You mean come back?"

"If he wanted to - then I wouldn't stand in his way," Emily said earnestly. JJ smiled to herself. Emily was nothing if not loyal.

As they all got into the SUVs to go back to the BAU, JJ couldn't help but think of the last time they'd done this. But this time she chose to ride with Emily. The ride was quiet and sober. And it wasn't until they all gathered in the conference room that Emily began to speak again.

"We all need to discuss what Peter Lewis' death means for this team."

"It means that Hotch can come back," Garcia said emotionally.

"Yeah. We just spoke to him. He was relieved that he and Jack were out of danger. They're out of witness protection, but um -"

"He's not coming back, is he?"

"He loves being a full-time dad. He never got to do that before, and let's face it - in this job -"

"There's always gonna be another Scratch. And he's lost enough."

"We all have."

"Yes, we have. Which is why the director has ordered us to take some time off from handling cases. But before we all leave, there's one last thing I need to say. Scratch got deeper into my head than I care to admit, and the only way I was able to stay sane was by repeating a mantra, two words. You know what those two words were? 'Wheels up.' It saved my life when I wasn't sure I was gonna make it because it reminded me that you were out there fighting. So, take your rest - you've earned it. But when we get back, wheels up."