CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN

13x15 Annihilator

JJ was standing behind Emily's desk chair, leaning her forearms on it, her head hanging low. This was not what she wanted. She hated all of this. She hated how Barnes was treating the team - she hated how she was treating Emily. And more than anything, she hated the awkward position Barnes had put her in. She'd done it on purpose - she had forced the most uncomfortable situation on the team and her to see if it would break them.

JJ wasn't about to break - but that didn't mean she hadn't bent a little. She hadn't even been doing this for 24 hours and she was already sick of it. It was hard to get ready for work that morning in front Emily. She didn't say much, but JJ knew she was upset. She was likely going insane sitting at home, knowing what was happening to the team. And JJ could see Emily second-guessing herself - doubting her competence to be a Unit Chief. Wondering if Barnes was right about her.

JJ couldn't remember the last time things felt settled at their house. With Emily's promotion, two-year-old twins and now this… JJ closed her eyes. Tonight would be no different. It was already 7:30 and she knew she'd have to be back early. JJ thought back… that morning Emily had kissed her softly before she walked out the door. That felt like a lifetime ago…

There was a knock on the door that shook her back to reality. David came in. JJ looked at him, tired and frustrated. JJ shook her head.

"I don't want to be Unit Chief, not like this."

He closed the door. "I've been in your shoes. And for lack of a better word, it sucks. But you're gonna do just fine."

"Linda Barnes will try to pick us apart one by one."

"There have been people trying to pick us apart since the doors opened. It hasn't worked yet."

"But Barnes has support all the way to the top. Look, Dave, I'm still trying to figure a way to go after her."

"And you're going to do it by being the best soldier you can be. Don't rock the boat. Don't make waves. My guess is that's how she forced out Emily. And you won't be alone on this. We're gonna continue to do what we do best - work the cases, save lives. No one can argue with our results, not even Barnes."

"That's one hell of a rally speech."

"They are my specialty. Look, why don't you go home, get some rest? It's been a rough night for all of us." She collected her bag and swung it over her shoulder. She met Dave at the door of her office. He smirked, "Can't get any worse."

JJ huffed at the remark. They shared a masochistic smile - things could always get worse…

"I know you think I'm the enemy, but I'm not. I can be your greatest advocate if you'd let me. Now, you've had some poor leadership in the past, but I know I can help right the ship."

JJ glared at Barnes. Poor leadership… Who was she referring to? Hotch, her wife, or both? It took everything she had to hold her tongue. But Spencer couldn't. He was furious.

"No. You're wrong. Emily Prentiss is not a poor leader. She defined what a Unit Chief should be. I'm not going to stand here and let you destroy her career like this." Barnes seemed taken aback by this. She eyed the doctor - as if surprised that he of all people was the one to call her out. The flicker of a smile played across JJ's face before she composed herself again. "If you're going, I'm not." Spencer said, turning to exit the conference room.

The air felt thick enough to cut with a knife. Nobody said a word. No one dared look at Barnes. No one but David Rossi.

"You know, the kid looks a little flush… needs a sick day - don't you think?" He was staring her down - daring her to challenge him. Barnes looked around the rest of the team.

"Anybody else need a sick day?" No one said a word. "Good. Then as Agent Jareau said, wheels up in 20."

"Spencer, oh, my god. What did you do?"

"I had to."

"No, you didn't."

"Life's too short for people like Linda Barnes."

"Spence -"

"I wasn't gonna, you know, go with her and help her dismantle the team."

"Thank you for standing up for me. I appreciate you coming to the house for support, but what you did was reckless. The BAU is under the microscope right now, and the last thing you should be doing is giving Barnes more ammunition. You're making her job easier."

"Why are you trying to get rid of me?"

"What?"

"Ever since I got here, you've been trying to keep me out of -" He walked past her into her office. Emily followed quickly, trying to cut him off.

"No, I just uh - no, I wasn't expecting anyone and the place - Spence, stop!"

It was too late. He's seen the box of things she brought home from the office. On top of which was a letter of resignation. He picked it up briefly before turning back to her.

"It's been less than two days and you're already leaving."

"I'm - I -" she sighed. "Okay, look. Barnes wants somebody to take the fall for what happened in Roswell. I'm willing to be that somebody if it will help stabilize the BAU."

"Does JJ know about this?" Emily looked guiltily at Spencer. He could see it in her eyes. "You're really going to leave the BAU and not even tell her?"

"I - I…" Emily held her jaw tight hoping to hold back the emotion that was threatening to expose her. "I don't know…"

"This isn't right, Emily. It isn't like you to give up."

"I'm - I'm not giving up."

"Yes, you are. But I'm not going to let you. You think we don't need you but we do."

"And what about my kids? What about what they need? You're in good hands with JJ."

"There's no guarantee that Barnes won't replace her the minute you're gone."

"I think that if I go away for good, she'll leave you alone."

"You can still fight this. We can still fight this."

"Maybe I don't want to…" She finally admitted. Deep down - that was truly what it was. She wasn't sure she had the fight in her anymore. She'd lost faith in herself - she was beginning to believe that Barnes was right about her.

"Well, now who's making it easy for Barnes?"

There was a long moment of silence between the two. Emily turned her back to him and walked back into the living room. Spencer followed.

"This is the right decision for me and for my family. I need you to support that."

He narrowed his eyes. This felt wrong. He wasn't sure he could support this. "What's your plan? I mean, where are you gonna go?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Spencer… I'll get to spend my days with my children. There are much worse fates… And then when Michael and Henry are older there's always Interpol. They're still breathing down my neck."

Spencer stared at his boss. He couldn't exactly argue with Emily's desire to be with her family, but this still didn't feel right. Spencer had always looked up to Emily. She had a sort of modest poise about her. And this wasn't her - Spencer knew she'd hate it if he ever said it out loud - but Emily Prentiss was one of the most honorable and righteous people he knew. Watching her give up like this… it felt like a kid finding out their hero wasn't invincible.

"Well, if you really want me to support you, just answer me this one question. Why is it not okay for me to walk out on the team but it is for you?"

"Because you and I are different."

"We're not. And if the situation was reversed, you wouldn't give up on me. And you know what? I happen to know that for a fact. Because you didn't. When I was in prison, you did everything in your power to get me out."

Emily looked away from Spencer but there was no hiding it from him. He saw it. She was hiding something.

"What?"

"Yeah. I did do everything. I needed to believe that you were innocent of killing Nadie Ramos."

"I was innocent," he said, confused by what Emily was implying.

"That wasn't obvious at first. Like when we talked in that Mexican jail. Do you remember?"

"No. I know I was drugged and everything was fuzzy."

"I made a deal with the local cop. I told him I needed to go at it alone. I promised I'd give him the recording. I was trying to find any evidence that you didn't do it. But what you told me was that you remembered holding the murder weapon."

"I did?"

"The more you talked, the more you incriminated yourself."

"No. I looked through all the case files after I was exonerated. There wasn't a single record of -" Something seemed to dawn on Spencer and he went silent. Emily watched his eyes soften. "You deleted it."

"I did," she responded reluctantly. "I crossed a line I swore I never would. Barnes called me out on it. And that's when I realized she was right. I do hold this team above the very laws we are supposed to uphold. Now, you were innocent, and you deserved to be reinstated as an SSA. That's why it's wrong for you to quit. But me, I've lost the privilege to run this team."

Emily held eye contact with Spencer, hoping it would sink in. Hoping he would finally understand. His eyes were shining with a horrible cocktail of shock and grief. He blinked.

"JJ doesn't know that either, does she?"

No. Emily looked at him guiltily and turned her back. He was right - she hadn't told JJ. She felt like she couldn't. The way JJ looked at her… Emily so wanted to be the person JJ saw. She wanted to deserve a look like that. Emily was walking back over to the kitchen table when she heard a soft cry from the baby monitor. They both turned to look at it.

Emily and Spencer sat quietly on the living room floor. She was leaning her back against the sofa and Spencer sat across from her. Both were focused on the two boys playing between them. Michael and Henry were completely enthralled with the building blocks that laid before them. Emily was half-heartedly stacking a few blocks and rubbing Michael's back gently. Spencer forced a tight smile.

"Thank you."

"What?"

"Thank you for covering for me. I might still be in jail if you hadn't."

"You're welcome," she responded. She seemed sad - defeated.

"I'm not done," he added fiercely. Emily raised her eyes with a questioning look. "Thank you… but I didn't ask you to. Who knows? Maybe we could have beaten the charge."

"Maybe. Now we'll never know." Henry stumbled over to his mother and held out a block for her. Emily smiled and took it from him. Henry dashed back the way he came.

"And that's exactly my point. You know, sometimes it's painful when you look back at your life and you realize how little choice you had in it. Right?"

Michael walked over to her holding a book. He held his arms out and fell into his mother's chest. She pulled him into her lap, her arms embracing him protectively. "Spence, if there's something you want to say, just say it."

"All I'm saying is that it's a lot like when JJ and Hotch faked your death so that you could escape from Ian Doyle." Emily's arms instinctively tightened around her son. "You didn't have any choice in the matter, but it's what they had to do. They fought just as hard to save your life as you did to save mine. It's what we do."

"It's… not like this."

"It is. You want proof? Here are some examples. Michael Lee Peterson, Chad Higgins, Kathy and Jessica Evanson, Gloria Barker, and Declan Doyle. These are men, women, and children you've saved at the BAU, personally."

"But that's our job. Yours, mine, that's what we do. We save lives."

"And here are seven more than need it now. David Rossi, Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, Matt Simmons, Tara Lewis, Jennifer Jareau," he paused to let that last one sink in before adding, "and Spencer Reid…"

"Stop."

She was close to tears now. Spencer was going blurry. She swallowed, the emotion in her throat almost painful. Emily leaned down to rest her cheek against Michael's head. He continued turning the pages of the book in his hands. He was blissfully unaware of his mother's anguish.

"I don't think you understand. After Hotch left the team could have imploded. It didn't because you were there. You were there to keep us together. We don't always have a choice in what happens to us, but you know what? Sometimes we do. And right now… I'm just asking you to make the choice to stay. And fight for us. You know, fight for the team. That's what we do. We fight for each other."

Emily shook her head, still fighting the emotion. Eventually, she smiled and laughed through the tears in her eyes, sniffling a little.

"Okay."

Spencer's eyes lit up with joy. He smiled and moved so that he could sit next to her and offer her a side hug. She rested her head on his shoulder for a minute, laughing again. She was a little embarrassed by the tears running down her cheeks, but she knew Spencer didn't care. He reached a hand out to Michael and he wrapped his tiny hand around one of his fingers. Emily watched her son interact with his godfather. She leaned down to kiss the little boy's head.

"Let's call the team and get back to work."

"I'm suspended."

"Well I'm not. If you just so happen to hear what I hear, then so be it."

Emily smiled dryly and smirked.

"Hey, Em… It's good to hear your voice." JJ's mouth formed an involuntary smile at the sound of her voice. "Even though you're not really there…"

"It's good to be heard," she said back, "Even though I'm not really here," she added, coyly.

Spencer snuck a bashful glance up at Emily and smiled. JJ hung up the phone moments later. A smile lingered on Emily's face. JJ made her happy - even her voice did the trick. Her smile began to fade a little. She wanted to be the woman that JJ thought she was.

"Spencer -" Emily started nervously. He smiled, trying to put her at ease.

"I won't tell her," he said, knowingly.

"Thank you," she said, relieved. Emily wanted to be the one to tell her. She owed her that.

JJ couldn't believe what she had just done - verbally dressed down the Assistant Director of the FBI. The flight home was tense, to say the least. Nobody said much, but Dave shot JJ a couple looks of appreciation. Tara smirked and bit back a smile before looking down at the book in her hands. When they arrived back at Quantico, Penelope was waiting for them.

"JJ may have ripped into Barnes before the jet took off. Momma bear's got bite," Dave said with his signature smirk.

JJ closed her eyes, slightly embarrassed, but then added, "She's lucky I didn't throw her off the jet."

"Hm, I'm so proud of you!" Penelope said to JJ, wrapping an arm around her as they walked into the squad room. Then she gasped and JJ looked up to see what she was looking at. "Shut the front door!"

JJ's eyes softened instantly as her gaze fell on her wife. This was unexpected. She was walking towards them, Spencer to her left. Just seeing her made everything better.

"Wait, you're suspended! How did you get - did you sneak in? Did you do a secret ninja type move? Tell me - I have to know."

"I, um… I have one of these," Emily answered, holding up the badge she had hanging from her neck. "I'm Reid's visitor," She added with a sarcastic smile. JJ grinned at her. "It's a great place you've got here… Did I hear something about drinks?" JJ was about to reach out to Emily when she heard Barnes' voice.

"Agent Prentiss. Agent Reid. I'm happy to see you." The group turned. "Agent Jareau, I didn't get the opportunity to tell you how much I enjoyed your speech on the jet. However, we need to ensure that mistakes, like the ones you made today, never happen again."

"Mistakes we made?" JJ bit back. Barnes ignored her.

"That said, Agent Prentiss - your suspension is lifted. You'll be reassigned within the bureau. Your new post has yet to be determined." Barnes went around the group, reassigning every other member until JJ was the only one left.

JJ clenched her jaw and crossed her arms. "I'm fired, aren't I?"

"No. You're the conditional Unit Chief of the BAU. Congratulations."

"There's no such thing."

"There wasn't. But I was able with the director's approval to create a new position just for you. You will run every decision past me, big and small, before you act." Emily glanced between Barnes and JJ. They were staring each other down. It had been a long time since she'd seen JJ that angry.

"She can't just do this!" JJ yelled as soon as Emily closed the car door. She had her arms crossed over her chest. She was sitting in the passenger seat shaking her head angrily.

"Apparently, she can," Emily muttered calmly.

"This is absurd - I - I will call the Director, I will call the press, I will call whoever I have to!"

"JJ, let it go," Emily said softly. JJ's head whipped over in her direction.

"What?"

Emily glanced in JJ's direction. She already knew what her face looked like. It was a cocktail of anger and disbelief. Emily sighed.

"It's not the time for you to stick your neck out. It would be a wasted sacrifice."

"I'll be the judge of that."

"Jay," Emily pleaded.

"She's a bully! This isn't right. Why aren't you more upset about this?" JJ fought back with hot-blooded intensity.

"I am upset about this…" Emily answered softly. JJ narrowed her eyes and studied her wife from the passenger seat. Something dawned on her.

"You think you deserve this, don't you?"

"Jennifer -"

"Don't you?" She asked again, cutting Emily off. Emily fell silent. She sighed, tightening her grip on the steering wheel before dropping her hands where they came to rest in her lap.

"I was prepared to resign today," she finally admitted in a small voice. JJ's eyes burned into her.

"What?"

"Spencer talked me out of it…"

JJ was momentarily at a loss for words. She shook her head, feeling hurt. "What do you mean 'Spencer talked you out of it?' When did you start keeping secrets from me again?" Emily winced a little at the question. But so did JJ. She asked because she knew it would hurt Emily. And she instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry…"

"This was exactly what I was afraid of. The more we fight Barnes the further she'll go to establish her dominance."

"So what? We just lay down and take it?"

Emily sighed and closed her eyes. She knew JJ was right - that wasn't the solution either. "No… But tonight," Emily turned her body toward her wife. She took her hand and looked into her eyes, "all I want to do is be with you." JJ relented a little, smiling at Emily and nodding. JJ reached for Emily's hand and rubbed a comforting thumb across it.

"You are not off the hook," JJ muttered. Emily heard the seriousness in her voice. But she also heard the concession. They could fight about it tomorrow. She understood Emily's desire for one evening of peace. That's what Emily did for her. She kept the world bay for her. And if she did that for her too, JJ wouldn't deny her that tonight.