CHAPTER SIXTY

14x05 The Tall Man

"Breakfast is served," JJ said, placing two plates on the kitchen table in front of Michael and Henry. Emily was behind her, still nursing her first cup of coffee. She staggered over to the table.

"Thank you, babe," she said through a yawn. JJ felt a gentle hand run across her back. She couldn't help but smile at her wife's sleepiness. "Say 'thank you,' boys."

"Thank you!" Both boys chimed at the same time.

"You're welcome. Any special requests, while I'm up?"

"May I have some ketchup with my eggs?" Henry asked.

"Can I have lime juice?"

Both women turned their heads to stare at Michael, Emily looking more awake than she had been all morning. JJ glanced at Emily with confusion. "Lime juice?" She turned back to her son. "What? On your eggs?" Emily was grinning and shaking her head a little. "I'll go get some," JJ said, running a hand through his dark hair.

JJ heard the sound of a vibrating cell phone as she opened the door to the refrigerator.

"It's mine," Emily muttered. She stood and answered the phone. JJ heard her talking indistinctly in the next room. She quickly fixed herself a coffee in a to-go cup and threw a couple of protein bars in her purse. The chances of either of them having the time to eat a proper breakfast were slim. JJ sat between her sons for a couple of minutes, watching as Michael happily ate his eggs which were now sprinkled with lime juice.

JJ knew something was wrong as soon as Emily walked back into the kitchen. It was as if the call had woken her up. She stood at the edge of the room, staring at her phone.

"What's wrong?"

"Our next case, where we're headed to. East Allegheny," Emily stated. JJ looked at her sharply. Emily could already see the walls going up.

"I swore I would get out of there and never go back," she said shaking her head indignantly. She looked out the window of the kitchen. Emily watched as the fight drained out of her as quickly as it came. "I have to go. Right?"

"Well, you don't have to do anything… But this case - two girls missing in the woods - it's gonna bother you if you don't go."

"Wait, wait, wait. Where?"

"In a park," Emily said handing JJ her phone. "Dead Man's conservatory. Is that important?"

JJ looked up at Emily. She was worried. The color was drained from her face. "Yeah. I think I know what they were looking for…"

"It's a regional ghost story. The tall man is your classic don't-go-into-the-woods dare. Survive the night, you survive him. He catches you, he cuts you until you reveal your deepest secrets."

JJ shuddered a little. She had compartmentalized everything about East Allegheny. If she kept everything in a box,it was manageable. But as soon as one thread was pulled, it felt like the rest would unravel as well.

And then she was back in her childhood room. Roslyn's voice coming from the hallway…

"My necklace is missing. You stole it again, didn't you? How many times do I have to say stay out of my room?" She looked up at her sister and apologetically handed over the necklace. Roslyn softened a little. "Why do you even like it so much?"

"Because it's yours."

"Then I want you to have it."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. No matter what happens, I'll always love you, JJ."

"JJ?"

JJ snapped back to reality at Emily's voice. JJ had unconsciously brought her hand to the small heart-shaped pendant that was hanging on the chain around her neck. This case was already getting in her head and they hadn't even gotten on the jet yet. Emily waited patiently by the door of the conference room, go-bag in hand. JJ knew she meant well, but she was already resenting the overprotectiveness. JJ forced a smile and joined Emily.

"What are you doing here?"

JJ clenched her jaw and narrowed her eyes slightly. Maybe it was all in her mind, but she could feel Emily's eyes on her from behind the one way glass.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I remember your sister's funeral like it was yesterday. I could barely keep it together. But you - you live in this world now."

"I do. I guess I do live in this world now. But you know what? I also make a difference in it."

Rossi glanced to the side, inspecting Emily's reaction. She was watching with a fierce expression on her face. There was a part of her that didn't like this - a part of her that wanted to protect JJ from everything. But she knew her wife - JJ would resent it. So Emily had no choice but let JJ do her job. But at the mention of Roslyn's funeral Emily shuddered a little. That was so long ago but she could see how it still shaped JJ. How it influenced her worldview. How it made her a better profiler.

Emily often wondered about it - if JJ would be the same woman if Roslyn hadn't died. There was a whole history that Emily would never truly understand about her. What she wouldn't give to have met Roslyn Jareau. If only to tell her how much she loved her little sister.

Hours later, she almost ran a red light on the way back to the police precinct. Walking the familiar halls of her old high school continued to pull the thread. Now sitting in the conference room, it was as if she was underwater. All her senses were muted. She was floating.

"You don't understand that we're in love! He loves me."

"Roslyn, you are in high school. You don't know what love is."

"You don't get it!"

Emily was speaking, but she didn't hear her. This was the first time they were alone since they had arrived in East Allegheny. Emily's mind was working a mile a minute but JJ couldn't get herself to focus. She felt dazed. Numb.

There she was again - opening the bathroom door. She could smell the blood.

"Jay?" Emily could see the tears forming in her eyes. "You want to talk about it?" She took a few tentative steps towards her. Emily knew the story. JJ had long since confided in her about that day - one of the worst of her life. But she never went into much detail. She couldn't…

"That morning… when I found her…" JJ paused and looked away from Emily's eyes. She'd never told Emily this part. "I just stood there. Frozen - for probably ten minutes. It's like my brain couldn't, um, comprehend what I was seeing."

Emily was intently focused on JJ. Her heart clenched, picturing her wife at 11-years-old, petrified by the discovery of her dead sister. No one deserved that. JJ's lip quivered, she was straining to hold her emotions in check.

"You know, sometimes I think - I think that's why I took this job. So I'd always know what to do. So I would never freeze again. So can you - can you give me something to do, Emily? Because I am starting to freeze up again."

She briefly considered hugging JJ, but Emily decided against it. JJ wanted to be treated professionally. It was hard sometimes - having to reconcile being a Unit Chief and being a wife…

"Okay. Um, all right, how about this? Luke and Tara are going back to talk to Ally."

JJ nodded. She wiped the tears out of her eyes. Emily looked away. JJ wouldn't want the attention.

Her voice sounded like stone over the phone. It was impassive - detached. She met her in the hospital. JJ was staring intently into a patient room. Her shoulders looked tense, arms crossed. The hallway was quiet for a hospital - Emily could hear the loud clicking of her shoes on the laminate floor.

"JJ," Emily said. She strided quickly to her. When JJ turned, there was a cold-blooded look in her eyes. Now was not the time to cross Jennifer Jareau.

"They had to induce a coma…" she started. "And we misjudged the boyfriend. We thought he was a teenager, a peer. Well, he's older, much older."

"How do you know?"

JJ held up one of her hands. Emily saw the familiar necklace in it - the one she usually wore around her neck. The one that Roslyn had given to her just days before she died.

"Chelsea saw this around my neck. The look in her eyes was recognition."

Emily felt like she was going to be sick. The pieces fell into place. "...the jewelry the unsub gave Bethany."

"Same one. He gave this to Roslyn, who gave it to me. God only knows how many other girls there's been since then. I have been wearing this around my neck, his trophy, this whole time."

Emily's mind went to places she wished they wouldn't. To hovering above JJ in bed - to kissing her neck… feeling the cool chain of Roslyn's necklace on her lips.

"JJ, we will arrest him."

"I know," she muttered through her teeth. "But when we do, I'm gonna need you to keep me away from him, because if I get a chance, I swear to God, I will kill him."

"You okay with this?" JJ asked tentatively. She was fuming with anger, but still had the wherewithal to ask. Emily glanced at her. The truth was, she had no idea if this was a good idea. On one hand, he would let his guard down around JJ. But on the other hand, if he turned out to be the unsub - JJ might make good on her promise…

JJ waited for Emily to answer. Her eyes were burning with pain. It was as if the only thing keeping her composure was the anger she was feeling. Emily finally nodded and JJ went into the interrogation room before she could change her mind.

"JJ, thank god. Can you please explain -"

JJ leaned against the table, invading his personal space. He leaned away, evidently realizing that she was not the friend he thought she was.

"We pulled this off of Bethany." JJ spat, raising a fisted hand that held Roslyn's necklace.

"What is it?"

She held his gaze. He was leaning as far away from her as he could. His eyes wide - guard up - at JJ's intensity. If looks could kill, this one would be lethal. JJ narrowed her eyes before violently pushing off the table. She ripped the door open and let it slam behind her.

"It's not him," JJ muttered to Emily.

"We're holding him anyway," Emily replied gently.

"Fine. But it's not him." She never broke her stride as she walked away.

"Emily send you in here?"

She barely looked up when she heard Dave. JJ was sitting in the dark conference room. She was holding up the heart-shaped necklace in front of her, almost hypnotized by it.

"No…" David started. He was lingering by the door. "Well, I might have mentioned I was gonna check up on you."

JJ continued studying the golden necklace. Yet again, her vision was blurring with fresh tears. She knew Emily had sent him in. But she couldn't be mad about that. Dave ambled toward her.

"You know, of all the profilers I've worked with, you've grown the most. From communications liaison, to profiler, to mother. It's been a privilege to watch."

Pride swelled in JJ's chest. And for a moment, it replaced the anguish. "Thank you."

"Oh, I'm not done. Because now you have to do the hard work. If this unsub was in Roslyn's life, he was also in yours. And you're gonna have to dig into your memories to find him."

Now she knew why Emily had sent Dave in. In order to do this, she'd have to be vulnerable. And Dave was one of a select few she felt like she could do this with. She nodded in understanding. She was scared. But she wasn't going to freeze.

"Will you come with me?"

"Every step of the way."

JJ took her gun and holster off her belt and held it out to Emily. Emily paused. It was only a couple hours prior that JJ had warned her that she would kill the man who did this if given the chance. Now she was asking for the chance. But Dave nodded. And Emily knew that JJ was strong enough to do this.

She collected herself before turning the door handle and walking into the interrogation room.

"JJ. What in the world is this? Seriously."

"Ethan, I am so sorry."

"This is ridiculous. They seem to think I've hurt those girls or something."

"I know. It's just we have a warrant for your house. And they've already pulled your computer." She was lying through her teeth. But she knew guys like him - and it was a calculated risk. The expression on his face told her she made the right call.

"Did you see what was on it?"

"I did."

"Okay, look. Um, what Roslyn and I had, it was… it was different. Alright? I mean we - we really loved each other."

It took every ounce of self control she had to hold her face neutral. She wanted to spit in his face for even saying Roslyn's name. But she had a part to play.

"I know…" She lied. JJ reached into her pocket and brought out the necklace. "Roz gave this to me, because she wanted me to know how special you were to her. You gotta give me something so I can buy you a little more time."

"She's where I keep all the kids that are special to me."

Emily watched anxiously through the one-way glass. JJ was appalled. She wasn't even facing her, but Emily could tell. Everything about her body language screamed in disgust. But she kept herself in control. Emily could see her jaw clenching as she turned to leave. His voice stopped her on her way out the door.

"You meant it - right? About Roz? She loved me?"

JJ closed the door.

She wanted it to feel more satisfying when she went back into the interrogation room and put the cuffs on him. She expected it to be more satisfying. Because she finally had someone to blame now - she had someone to put all of her anger on. But the feeling wasn't what she thought it would be. It didn't feel good. It didn't erase the damage. But most of all - it didn't change anything. That's not true… it changed the future - it just couldn't change the past. It couldn't bring Roslyn back. It couldn't erase the years that JJ spent being angry at her sister. Angry for leaving her alone. Angry for not letting her help. Was it selfish to think it didn't make a difference? She knew it made a difference. She spared future victims from what happened to Roz and Bethany.

"JJ? Prentiss?" Luke said, gesturing towards the door.

"We're going to stay an extra day," Emily explained softly.

She looked over at JJ. It surprised Emily when JJ told her she wanted to spend an extra night. But she quickly agreed. JJ didn't like talking about her childhood. She had avoided East Allegheny for 22 years. So, if she wanted to stay, Emily would.

They parted with the rest of the team. JJ held Emily's hand as they walked towards the car. Emily had no idea what JJ had in mind. But when JJ closed the car door and put her hands on the steering wheel, she whispered, "I want to show you something."

Emily nodded, smiling supportively and JJ started the car and began the familiar drive through the countryside. Emily enjoyed the peace of dusk. The sun had all but given up its last breath, casting blue across the landscape. JJ slowed and cut the engine across the street of a farmhouse on a quiet road. There was a street light in the distance, but for the most part, it was secluded. Emily looked at the house. She put the pieces together. This was JJ's old house. This was where she grew up.

JJ undid her seat belt and Emily followed suit. They stepped out of the car; JJ came around to join Emily on her side. They leaned against the side of the car. JJ moved in close to Emily. She wrapped her arms around her wife. JJ briefly rested her forehead against the side of Emily's head, breathing her in. Then she turned her attention back to the house.

"The window in the top right was my room," JJ said, pointing. Emily smiled softly. She knew this was hard for JJ. It meant a lot that she wanted to share this with Emily. "Roz's room was in the back. We shared a bathroom…" At the mention of the bathroom, Emily saw JJ's lip tremble a little. It must have been awful - having to live in the house that her sister died in. Emily couldn't imagine the grief.

She turned her head to the side and kissed JJ's temple softly. JJ was still staring at the house, eyes filling with tears. Emily continued kissing her patiently. Eventually, JJ turned her head to gaze at Emily.

"I love you," she breathed.

"You wanna get out of here?" Emily asked. Her voice was a ghost of a whisper. JJ smiled gratefully.

There was still room in the five-bedroom motel that sat in the center of town. The woman behind the front desk smiled and shook her head upon seeing JJ.

"Jennifer Jaraeu… as I live and breathe. I was hoping you might stop by."

Emily stole a glance at JJ. On her face was a genuine smile. This was a friend. Perhaps one of the only good memories JJ had left of this place. Emily let her guard down slightly.

"Hi Kath," JJ said in a whisper as the older woman rounded the counter and embraced her in a hug. Emily stood back watching the two interact. The lady's eyes fell on Emily as she pulled out of the hug. JJ noticed.

"Are you a friend of JJ's?"

"Umm -" Emily started, looking to JJ for help.

"Kathy, this is my wife, Emily," JJ said matter-of-factly. The older woman eyed the two of them for a moment. She smiled whimsically.

"I always knew you were too big for this town, Jenny."

JJ gave her a soft smile. She wasn't exactly sure what Kathy meant by that. She showed them to a room at the end of the hall.

Soon, they found themselves in bed, lying, facing each other. Both seemed completely content to gaze at the other, legs entwined, and hands running over each other. Emily could see the exhaustion in JJ's eyes. But there was also honesty. There was a sense of candor in every move that JJ made. Emily let her run her hand across her face. She felt JJ's thumb trace across her lips.

But suddenly, the love JJ felt for the woman in front of her changed its affect - her expression changed. Anger washed across her features.

"She was sixteen…" JJ breathed furiously. "She was a child."

"Jay -" Emily whispered, shaking her head a little. She was working herself up. Emily knew her anger was futile - It wouldn't change anything. And she hated seeing JJ in pain. Emily instinctively moved closer to comfort her.

"And he had the audacity to look me in the eye and call it love."

"Jennifer -"

"That's not love."

"I know," Emily murmured. She pulled her wife into her and held her while she cried. "I know."

JJ squinted in the bright morning sunlight. The air was cold, but Emily's hand was warm in hers. They had one last stop to make before starting their drive home. It was a stop she should've made a long time ago. JJ parted from Emily - her pulse was racing. It was strange to feel nervous over something like this. But it had been so long since she'd seen her sister.

"Hey, Roz…" JJ sighed. She gazed down at Roslyn's name carved into stone. "I know it's been a long time. And I'm sorry I spent so much of it angry."

JJ leaned her head back, trying to keep the tears in her eyes. She sniffed and wiped her eyes with her hand. JJ folded her arms protectively around her body. A cool breeze blew the fall leaves across her feet and her hair across her face. She tucked it back behind her ears.

"I want you to know that I understand - I know that you were trying to protect me. I wish I could've protected you too…"

JJ looked off into the distance where Emily was pacing the aisles of the small cemetery. She was giving her space. Giving JJ time to talk to her sister.

"I fell in love, Roz. I think you'd really like her…" JJ smiled involuntarily thinking about it. "I really like her," she added with a bashful chuckle. "And you have two beautiful nephews," JJ choked out, smiling through the anguish. "I'm happy…" She took in a shaky breath, "but it's no good without you."

It didn't happen very often these days, but the following evening JJ was at work hours after Emily had left. It was pitch black by the time she got back home. She padded her way through the front hall and into the kitchen. The house seemed quiet. Emily was probably upstairs putting the boys to bed - it was past their bedtime anyway. But when she came around the corner, she saw that was not the case.

JJ's heart fluttered. On the couch Emily was laying, eyes closed, with a children's book on her chest. On either side of her were Michael and Henry. They were fast asleep, leaning their heads against their mother. She wanted time to stop. She wanted things to always be like this. The three people she loved the most - safe and happy and peaceful.

Emily stirred, sensing JJ had entered the room. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Oh, don't… Don't move. Let me take this in."

"They wanted to wait up. They have a present for you."

"A present for me?" JJ smiled knowingly at the jewelry box sitting on the coffee table in front of her. This was a present from Emily.

"Mm-hmm."

JJ sat on the footrest across from Emily. She opened the box and smiled gratefully. It was a gold locket. Inside were two small pictures. One of Henry and one of Michael. JJ felt a lump forming in her throat.

"Do you like it?" Emily asked softly, her voice thick with sleep.

JJ swallowed thickly, "I love it."

"Good."

JJ leaned forward, pausing briefly to cherish the moment, before brushing her lips against Emily's. Nothing more was said. Nothing was needed. JJ wrapped her arms around Michael and picked him up delicately. He was getting heavy. It wouldn't be too much longer before she wouldn't be able to do this. Emily followed behind her, carrying Henry. Neither of them woke.