Elizabeth walked away from the kissing booth feeling a little dazed. She wasn't sure what she had expected to feel, but this certainly was not it. After fearing and dreading Lucas' possible kiss, she had anticipated feeling those doubts again. However, she had not felt that standing across from Nathan. She had felt anticipation as she waited for him to kiss her. Now, she simply wanted him to kiss her again.
Not wanting to draw more attention from her friends and neighbors, Elizabeth had made herself walk away. She headed back toward Rosemary and Lee.
"Well that definitely is not a look of regret," Rosemary teased gently as Elizabeth rejoined them. A huge smile graced her features.
Elizabeth reached out for Little Jack. Lee surrender the boy willing, a small amused smile on his face though he did not say anything.
"No, not a look of regret," Elizabeth consented softly. "However, I think I am going to take Jack home for a nap."
"Of course," Rosemary said, reaching out and touching her friend's arm. "Perhaps analyze your feelings a bit while Jack gets some rest."
"Perhaps," Elizabeth agreed. "You two enjoy the festivities."
Rosemary and Lee said good-bye as Elizabeth headed toward the row houses. Though he had not really seemed tired in town, Little Jack drifted off to sleep during the walk home. Reaching her home, Elizabeth went about tucking her son in for his nap. It was only then, looking down at Little Jack, that she realized that she had not bother to say good-bye to Lucas before leaving the carnival.
Watching her little boy sleep peacefully, Elizabeth pushed the guilt aside. She had told Lucas that she would see him at the carnival but that she mostly had just wanted to spend time with Little Jack. Still, Lucas had showed up at her door that afternoon with a bouquet of flowers asking her if she was ready. After an initial hello to Jack, Lucas had barely acknowledge the little boy she carried. Of course once they were at the carnival, Jack had insisted on walking. Though he had tried to remain quiet, she had sensed Lucas' impatience with the slow steps. However, Elizabeth let Jack set the pace and explore the things he wanted to. It was how she had told Lucas she wanted to spend the carnival. It was only when Gustav had called him to the food booth that Lucas had finally excused himself.
Lucas had disregarded her wishes and pressured her into doing what he had wanted. Looking back, Elizabeth realized he had done that a lot. He had tried at first to gain her attention by lavish gifts - the library, the trip to see Virginia Wolf, the signed book. He had taken it upon himself to send her unfinished manuscript to his mother, and while she was grateful that her dream to be published was being realized, there was still the fact that he had not asked. Lucas simply tried to orchestrate things to his liking regardless of her wishes and she could sense his disappointment when they had not ended the way he wanted. He was a man of action and romantic gestures.
A lot like Jack. Even the candles that Lucas often lit reminded her of Jack.
Yet, she had let herself be swept along by Lucas. Was it because of those reminders of Jack? Was it because he was a reminder of the life she had enjoyed in Hamilton? A life that Jack could never fully fit in with.
Nathan had meanwhile been nothing but patient with her. He asked her to do things and when she had showed hesitation, Nathan had simply backed off. She realized now that he had been trying to give her space to sort things out. To be sure of her feelings. To give her the time she needed to figure out how come to terms with the past so that she could embrace the future.
Even today, Nathan had been holding back. She could sense that as he kissed her and as sweet as that kiss had been today, Elizabeth knew she wanted to know how it would feel if he kissed her without holding back.
All she had to do was find the courage to take that step.