Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.

C.S. Lewis

JENNIE

When we get to the arena and Lisa helps me out of the car, I realize that we've been holding hands since we left her bedroom.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

I nod. "It's just… overwhelming."

There are photographers at the entrance, shouting our names. Since our engagement was announced, I've been featured on a few New York blogs—walking to lab (the only class I go to) and eating with Doyeon when I'm desperate to get out.

This is my first time being bombarded by a horde of photographers, though. I almost prefer the ones that like to stalk me from afar.

Losa shakes me up by pressing a kiss to my temple, which sends the paparazzi into a frenzy of loud clicks. "You'll be fine. Breathe."

I take a deep breath and plaster a smile on my face. Lisa and I are standing side by side, her arm around my waist. For the next few minutes, I endure the paparazzi's shouts and actually follow their helpful pose suggestions…

Until someone shouts, "Are you pregnant? Is that why you guys are already engaged?"

I suck in a sharp breath as Lisa's body tenses. I swear I hear an animalistic growl coming from her. Everything happens quickly after that. Mino steps behind us and Maybe Dominic steps in front of us as we plow our way through the paparazzi, the time for pictures clearly over.

When we enter the arena, we are greeted by a smug looking Jiyong.

"Congratulations on the baby," Jiyong says.

I understand now why Lisa has waited so long to take us out into public. We've been too new. Hell, the paparazzo's comment is proof that we are still too new. Barely more than four months have passed since we announced our engagement in October, and only five total months have passed since we supposedly started dating—even though it feels like it has been a lifetime since the first time I went to Rogue.

"There is no baby," I say tightly, though I don't have to. I was skinny when Jiyong met me, and many months later, I am still skinny.

He's just being an asshole.

Lisa squeezes my hand, and I reel my anger back in.

The familiar blonde beside Jiyong steps forward. "Lisa, darling, don't be rude. Aren't you going to introduce me to your bride to be?"

She says it so sarcastically, I admire Lisa for not snapping, though I shouldn't be surprised. Lisa's emotions are locked up in a fortress. If she doesn't want you to, it's impossible to tell what she's thinking. I'm shocked by the sudden realization that Lisa confided in me earlier, something I suspect she has never done with anyone else.

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

"Forgive me," Lisa says, her voice dripping with condescension and bringing me out of my astonishment. "Sandara, this is Jennie. Babe, this is Sandara, Jiyong's wife."

We shake hands, the feel of her grip uncomfortable in mine. I remember her standing beside her husband at Rogue the night of my engagement announcement. Sandara Kwon is a gorgeous woman, whose beauty seems ageless. She has an elegant air about her, from the way she dresses to the way her hair is pulled back into an effortless chignon. The only telltale sign of her age is her hands, which are slightly wrinkled.

"Lovely to meet you, Sandara," I lie.

The four of us, plus Mino and Lisa's guard, walk further into the arena. After we journey further into the place, I can barely tell that we are indoors. The floors are all artificial turf, and there is even natural light shining brightly through the glass ceilings.

The only sign that we are indoors is the temperate weather. While it's a chilly fifty or so degrees outside in the March weather, it's a comfortable seventy degrees in here. I'm able to take off my coat and leave it at the coat check.

Liaa and I follow Jiyong to a tent that is labeled, "Black Enterprises." As one of the primary donors, Black Enterprises has an entire tent for its executive board and their guests. I'm relieved when I see that Rosé isn't there. She's probably still licking her wounds.

Lisa pulls me to a corner of the tent and says, "See that man Jiyong is shaking hands with?"

"Yeah."

"That's Choi Seung-hyun or TOP. He's in Jiyong's corner." She continues, pointing discreetly at several other men. "That's the rest of the board. Wang Jackson, Suho, and Bambam. Will you remember that?"

I nod, and because I can't help myself, I say in disgust, "You don't have a single woman on your board?"

She gives me an exaggerated groan. "You're such a pain in the ass," she says, but she's grinning.

I wonder if it's an act for the crowd.

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

She continues, "TOP will vote for Jiyong, and Jackson and Bambam will vote for me. They're loyal. The only one that's up from grabs is Suho. He'll be the tie breaker. He's the one we have to impress."

I study Suho again. He's the one that was impressed by my education when it was brought up at Rogue. He has an easy going grin on his face, and he doesn't come off as evil or creepy, like Jiyong does.

He looks nice enough, so I roll my shoulders back and nod. "I can do that."

Lisa intertwines our fingers and leads me to the center of the tent, formally introducing me to the men. While he isn't as kind as Jackson and Bambam are, TOP is at least cordial, treating me with much more respect than Jiyong does.

Suho is harder to read. His stoic face reminds me of Lisa's, though I'm starting to grasp that I'm privy to a different, private side of Lisa. I don't know how I feel about that. It's overwhelming and all-consuming to think about, so I shake the thought out of my head.

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

The match begins, so we settle at the front of the Black Enterprises tent, which is prime seating in the center of the field. Even though I understand the game, thanks to Eduardo's lessons, I can't pay attention to it.

I can feel Sandara's eyes on me. She's sitting to the far right of us with all the other wives. They haven't extended me an invitation to join them, which is fine by me. I feel more comfortable at Lisa's side anyway.

I let Sandara's creepy staring go. But after ten minutes pass by, I can't help but frown. I've caught Sandara's eyes on me for the tenth time in as many minutes.

I whisper under my breath, "Sandara keeps staring at us."

Lisa gives me an imperceptible nod and squeezes my hand, which is quickly becoming our way of communicating silently with one another. Then, she surprises me when she lifts our joined hands and places an open mouthed kiss on my wrist.

Her tongue swirls around the sensitive skin, even sucking gently for a brief moment, sending a shocking jolt to my aching clit. It's over as quickly as it began. She presses another swift kiss on my wrist and one more on my cheek before she returns her attention to the game as if what just happened is normal.

I'm glad I slipped on my sunglasses a few minutes ago. My face is undoubtedly flushed, and my widened eyes would have portrayed my surprise. I know that was just a show for Jiyong's wife, but holy cow.

Man, am I affected.

If Lisa keeps this up, I'm screwed.

When the match is finished, everyone stays in the tent to socialize. Thanks to Eduardo, I'm well-prepared for this. Lisa and I separate. While I go to butter up Suho's wife, Irene, she goes to charm Suho.

Irene was the only brunette in the VIP lounge that night at the club. Turns out she is also pretty nice. She's chubbier than I recall her being, but she carries the weight beautifully and gracefully. She's one of the prettiest women I have ever seen, and when I tell her this, she gives me a sweet smile and compliments my eyes.

"Are you two planning on having children anytime soon?"

I groan. "Not you, too?" At her confused look, I say, "The reporters were hounding us on why we're getting married so soon. They think it's out of wedlock." I roll my eyes and pat my flat stomach pointedly.

With my luck, some photographer probably just snapped a picture as my hand connected with my belly. I can imagine what the headlines would read—Lalisa Manoban's Fiancée Rubs Pregnant Belly at Charity Polo Match.

"Ah," she says, her amusement sincere. "No, I was just genuinely curious." She points to her belly and grins. "If they ask you that again, you should point them in my direction. This is what a pregnant belly looks like. I'm due in seven months."

Oh.

Now her weight, which is centered on the little pouch of her belly, makes more sense. In my defense, it's been awhile since I've seen a pregnant woman. Plus, what's growing in her belly isn't even as old as my supposed relationship with Lisa, which is not very old at all. That's a sobering thought. I clench my fist tightly, fighting the urge to glance at Lisa.

Forcing myself to focus on Irene, I ask, "Boy or girl?"

A melancholy expression flits across her face before she smooths it over. "Suho wants to know, but I refuse to find out. We didn't wait to learn the genders of our last two kids, so I want to be surprised for this one." She pauses, her voice tentative. "It's actually been something we've been fighting about lately. It sounds so stupid when I say it aloud. Maybe I should just give him what he wants again, or maybe he should be giving me what I want because the last two went his way. I don't know. Either way, we're fighting about it, and it sucks."

"One of my foster moms got pregnant," I begin, startling myself.

I hate talking about my foster families, but here I am, about to do it. Is it because I sincerely like her? Or do I want her to like me for Lisa's sake? Maybe a little bit of both.

I continue, "She was one of the better ones. I really liked her and her husband. They were kind to one another, and while I don't think they were in love, they were good friends." I sigh. "Their relationship was built on that friendship, too. At the time, that was the closest thing I ever saw to love—between spouses and even between parents and their children. I never witnessed love. But them? They were friends and genuinely enjoyed each other's company. But they changed after they got pregnant. Their fights were tearing their marriage apartment." I eye Irene's belly. "Want to guess what they fought about?"

Irene's eyes widen. "Learning the sex of their baby?"

I nod my head. "Yep. Every day."

"But that's so stupid," she says indignantly.

"Exactly."

"Oh." She pauses. "Did you just call my fights with my husband stupid?"

I smile a little. "If I recall correctly, you did."

We laugh together when she grins. "I did, didn't I?"

I shrug. "If it helps, I was thinking it, too."

She barks out a surprised laugh. It fills the room, causing Lisa and Suho to look over. Irene sends Suho a loving grin and a wink. He looks surprised, which makes me think that they really have been fighting a lot.

"You know," she begins. "You're not as bad as I thought you'd be."

"You've known me for all of two minutes. Just wait. My horns are retractable. You just caught me at a good time."

She giggles. "No, really!" Her face turns serious. "I normally hate the girls Lisa brings around."

"Are they anything like them?" I glance towards Sandara, who's laughing with TOP's wife. When I passed by them earlier, they were rating people's outfits. No one received more than a two.

"They're worse. Lisa's girls are vapid airheads. At least Sandara and Bom have two brain cells to rub together."

I nod. I can respect intellect. I just think nicer people deserve it more, though how nice can Irene and I really be if we're talking about other people behind their backs?

"That bad?" I'm referring to Lisa's girls.

"Whatever you're picturing, it's worse."

I think of Nicole. "I've sort of met one. I've never actually talked to her, but I've seen her from afar."

"What's her name?"

"Nicole."

"Oh." She grimaces. "That one stuck around longer than welcome."

I laugh, because Lisa was planning on having her be her fake fiancée, but he has me instead. And now that's looking like it's turned out to be a positive thing. To be fair, I actually like Irene. I'm not even trying to butter her up now. At first, sure, but now I'm just enjoying talking to a woman that I respect.

Irene gives me a hesitant look.

"Just say whatever you want to say." I playfully roll my eyes and nudge her with my shoulder. "I don't scare easy."

Just ask Lisa. She used to be a mafia fixer, and I'm living with her.

"Just curious, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to because it's a really invasive question, but why are you guys getting married so soon?"

I groan internally. I've been dreading this question. I spare a glance at Lisa. She's talking to Bambam, but when I catch her eyes, she sends me a sweet smile. It feels so… real.

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

But I really want it to be.

Maybe it's because I've never had the privilege of being in a genuine relationship, or maybe it's because I like the person I'm discovering she is. But when I get past her previous mafia ties, everything about her is perfect. Don't get me wrong. I know she has flaws, and she's not the perfect guy, but she's perfect for me.

I remember what I said to Doyeon a long time ago.

I want a guy I can talk to comfortably. Someone who makes me feel safe and wanted and beautiful.

The funny thing is I said those words thinking Lisa was anything but that. I know better now. There's no one in my life I'm more comfortable talking to than Lisa, and after our conversation earlier, I'm starting to think she feels the same way. And while I have Mino and the other guards, I feel safest whenever Lisa is with me. Even when she sends Mino and my night guard home and it's just us, I feel safe. Earlier, when she told me I look beautiful, I genuinely felt it.

But does she want me?

I'm not sure.

She's too hard to read.

Three out of four isn't so bad, though.

Isn't it?

"Ah," Irene says, giving me a knowing look when I finally turn back to her.

I've been staring at Lisa for a little too long, but what's even more surprising is that she's been staring back, a heated look in her eyes. A look that makes me think she hits four out of four of my criteria.

"Ah?" I ask, trying to recover but still distracted.

"You love her."

My eyes widen, and I almost drop the champagne flute I'm holding. I quickly force myself to recover, hoping my reaction doesn't come off as weird. "Yes, I do. I really, really do," I lie.

And honestly, it's too soon to love her.

I'm just now realizing I not only consider her to be a friend but also someone I like romantically, and now she's accusing me of loving Lisa?

I know for a fact that it isn't true.

But… it can be in the future.

If I open my heart to her.

Irene grins at me and says, "Come on. Let's go over there and cut the woman some slack. Your fiancé has been staring at you since you started talking to me."

My eyes widen. I can't help but ask, "She has?"

Irene laughs. "Don't act like you're surprised. The two of you are the real deal. You two can't even keep your eyes off of each other. I'm so jealous of you guys right now. It's been so long since Suho and I have been like that."

Or we're just gifted actors, I think, as Lisa gives me a convincingly sweet kiss on the lips when we reach her. I lean my head against her shoulder as I focus on what the people around us are saying.

Jiyong, Suho and TOP are speaking French. I glance at Lisa. I didn't know that she speaks French, but when I realize what they're saying, I know for certain that she doesn't.

Because if she knew what they've been saying about her, she would be pissed.

Jiyong and TOP are shit talking Lisa in front of her face, and while Suho looks uneasy, he isn't defending or denying anything they're saying.

I'm pissed the fuck off when I interrupt, "Chacun voit midi à sa porte."

It's a French proverb that literally translates to, "Everyone sees noon at his doorstep." What it means is everyone feels like their opinions are the objective truth, but really, they're clouded by their own personal interests.

I'm essentially saying that Jiyong's words are spoken out of self-interest.

I just stabbed a metaphorical knife in Jiyong's protruding gut, and I'm about to twist it. "Je me demande ce que vous voulez gagner en parlant mal de l'amour de ma vie."

I wonder what you wish to gain by speaking ill of the love of my life.

There's silence for a moment before Jiyong reacts. He takes an aggressive step forward, his fists clenched in fury, but TOP grabs a hold of his arm, and Jiyong stops. The look of rage remains, though. Irene glances uneasily between Jiyong, TOP and me before settling her eyes on her husband. Both of Suho's brows are raised.

I can feel the tension radiating off of Lisa. I squeeze her hand reassuringly and press an apologetic kiss to it. She wants to know what I said, but I can't tell her in front of everyone. Doing so would just bring more attention to her inability to speak French, something Jiyong can continue to use to Lisa's disadvantage.

A few more seconds of tense silence pass before Suho barks out a loud laugh. A delighted smile crosses his face. "She speaks French!" he says like it's the most wonderful thing in the world.

And it's starting to feel like it is.

They've been trash talking Lisa in front of her face, making her look foolish in the process. They've probably done it before, too. And now, they'll have to think twice before doing it again.

Jiyong's eyes narrow in suspicion. He's visibly calmer now. "Yeah… Where did you learn to speak French?"

"I spent the last two years volunteering abroad, mostly in predominantly French speaking countries in Africa. I picked up a thing or two."

"A thing or two," he parrots drily.

I like to think it makes him sound like an idiot.

And because I can never help myself, I say, "Now, if you guys don't mind, Lisa and I must leave. She may be too polite to say anything, but I'm uncomfortable being around people who would trash talk my fiancé, let alone do it so brazenly and distastefully." I turn to Irene and hug her. "It was a pleasure to meet you." I genuinely mean it, too. Then, I turn to Suho and say, "Anticipation can be more valuable than knowledge." I gaze pointedly at Irene's belly. "But neither anticipation nor knowledge are more valuable than love." My words are clear enough to get my message across but cryptic enough that all the other prying ears won't understand what I'm saying.

Suho looks stunned. I probably overstepped my boundaries, but I don't dwell on it as I grab Lisa's hand and lead her to the coat check with Mino and Maybe Dominic trailing closely behind us. Lisa is tense as we wait in the long line for our coats.

I turn to face her, slipping both hands under her coat to massage her back. I can feel how coiled her muscles are. When I stand on the tips of my toes and kiss under her jaw, I feel a muscle in it clench.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Standing here with my arms in Lisa's coat jacket and my lips brushing against her jaw is intimate. But I've already overstepped my boundaries with Irene and Suho, so I might as well overstep the ones between me and Lisa. I'll relish this moment without caring for the consequences that will inevitably follow it.

I press another kiss to the other side of her jawline, darting the tip of my tongue out to trace it. She isn't pushing me away, but she also isn't returning the attention I'm giving her. I sigh, stepping into her body until we're entirely pressed against one another.

She finally wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me closer. I enjoy being in her arms for a moment before the line moves forward. Instead of turning around to walk normally, I take a step backward, remaining in Lisa's hold. She follows, and when she tightens her grip on me, I feel like her lifeline.

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

I glance up at her. She still won't look at me, and it's bothering me. Ignoring how inappropriate it is to do this in public, at a charity event no less, I stand on my tiptoes again and capture Lisa's lower lip in my mouth, tugging on it gently and caressing it with my tongue.

A low growl escapes her mouth before she presses her lips completely against mine in a hard, demanding kiss. We kiss until the tension housed in her shoulders leaves her—holding each other, even when the line moves forward and people end up walking around us and Maybe Dominic has to grab my coat for me.

We only stop when Irene runs up to us and says my name. I turn to her, knowing that my face must look wild.

"Thank you," she says.

I immediately know what she's referring to. "I didn't overstep?"

"You did what I wish I'd done a long time ago." A dark laugh erupts from her lips, sounding out of place against the sunny backdrop of her chartreuse sundress. "Years ago when I had my first kid. It's senseless, isn't it? All of this over the gender of a kid, something we'll figure out eventually."

I give her a pointed look. We've already been through this. I don't have to repeat myself.

She rolls her eyes at me. "Has anyone ever told you that you're so sassy?"

"No."

Never, I realize.

I've always been a runner. Runners aren't sassy. They're never around to be sassy. They're cowards, like I was before I met Lisa. I wonder if this bold and brave person is who I am now that I'm done running. I like it. Sassy Jennie is fearless, standing up for the woman she likes one minute and kissing her the next.

"Sorry for interrupting," Irene says, and it sounds like her goodbye. She glances at Lisa and then back to me. She's talking to me when she says, "I'll talk to Suho. I know the vote isn't coming up for a couple of weeks, but I'll talk to him as soon as I get home." She gives me a pointed look. "I like you. I'm not sure about Chatty Cathy over here." Her head nods towards Lisa, who remains silent. "But I like you, and I'd hate to see you gone." She grimaces. "Then, I'd have to sit with Sandara at all of these shindigs."

She leaves after giving me a side hug, which is awkward because I still haven't let go of Lisa.

"You're kind of unexpected," Lisa says when she's gone.

I look up at her. "Yeah, I've been thinking the same thing lately."

Then, I grip her tie and tug, pulling her lips down to mine.