Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.

John F. Kennedy

JENNIE

"I still can't believe you like me," I say, cringing as soon as the words escape my lips.

Lisa studies me, a hint of a smirk gracing her features. "Why else do you think I asked you to be my fiancée?"

"You had no other choice!"

"I always have a choice."

"Well, you chose to ask Nicole, too."

"She asked me."

"Oh."

"Oh," she mocks, but it's playful.

I kick her under the table, but she traps my leg in between hers and reaches down to pull it onto her lap. I'm glad we're home and not at a public restaurant, though I don't think that would stop Lisa from touching me like this.

"Dance with me," Lisa commands softly, releasing my leg.

"There's no music."

"Music!" Lisa commands to the room, and a soft melody begins to play.

I let her pull me into her arms, a few feet away from the dining room, where we just had dinner. I'm still able to move lithely, though I'm stuffed from her lomo saltado, which was delicious and perfectly cooked. After a few minutes of swaying loosely in her arms, Lisa pulls me dangerously closer. I tilt my head up, so my face won't be smashed against her collarbone.

She's quiet, but I hear her say, "You're clean."

I'm confused. "Sexually?" I blurt out, mortified by my lack of tact.

She laughs, and I feel it vibrate across her chest. And what a chest it is. I find myself pressing closer to her, so I can count how many ab packs she has across her stomach. I've done this before, but I will never get enough of it

"Your background, Jennie. Your background is clean. You intrigued me, and you had a clean background, so I picked you. I won't lie and tell you I wanted to be with you back then, but I did like what I saw."

"Oh." I breathe out sharply and back up slightly.

I'm teetering on the edge of uncertainty, not knowing whether or not I should feel guilty about my past. She thinks I have a clean background, but she doesn't know about Steve. It's not like I did anything wrong, but it is a lot of baggage. Baggage that I haven't mentioned once.

What happens if she asks me to go to Los Angeles for her hotel's grand opening, and I say no? Because no way will I be able to be in the same state as Steve. Not happening. The thought causes my legs to tremble, and Lisa picks up on it.

"Are you thinking of running right now? Am I moving too fast?" she asks.

I know it's wrong to deceive her, but I still nod. I can't tell her about Steve now. Too much time has passed, and I'm trapped by my decision.

She looks me straight in the eyes as she says, "I'll slow down. But whenever you think about running, please, remember that you didn't run from me when I was the big bad wolf. You're braver than you think you are."

My face flushes red, and I mumble, "You still are the big, bad wolf."

"Oh, Jennie." She sighs. "Never to you. Never to you."

True to her word, Lisa slowed down. I almost wish I hadn't nodded when she asked if she was moving too fast. That I would have told her the truth instead. But I didn't, and now I'm suffering the consequences.

It's been two days, and the most action I've gotten from her are a few closed mouth kisses on the lips. I've been going crazy, trying to turn every kiss into a makeout session that I hope will turn into sex. But what I lack in willpower, she possesses in spades. And now, I'm in desperate need of a release, however I can get it.

I eye the clock on the nightstand, noting that Lisa should be home soon. I reach down between my legs, running my finger down my slit anyways. I don't care. I almost hope she'll catch me. I dip a finger into myself, pumping slowly until my wetness spreads all over my walls. I drag my moist finger back out and circle my clit with it before plunging back into myself.

It's not enough. I grab a random pillow and tuck it between my thighs, pressing myself into it. I rock against the plush pillow until I can feel the delicious friction against my clit. One of my fingers pinches a nipple, and the other hand massages a breast. I can feel my wetness, dripping out of me and onto the pillow, but I don't care.

I'm panting, so close to ecstasy, when I hear Lisa outside. She's greeting my nightguard, and I know it's just a matter of time before she enters the room. I quickly grab the pillow from between my legs and throw it to the top of the bed before shuffling under the covers.

When she enters the room, I'm casually tossing birds at pigs on my iPhone.

"Don't you knock?" I ask, grateful that I'm able to keep my breathing steady.

"It's my room."

"Oh. Right."

She winks at me. "You know who should knock?"

"Rosé."

She laughs as she enters the bathroom to take a shower. I relax my body, patting myself on the back for playing it cool. But when she finishes her shower and gets into bed, her head connects with the pillow I was grinding against, the one I almost came on, and she takes a deep breath.

Her eyes connect with mine, the lust clearly there, but then she closes them before anything happens.

Before she touches me.

And all I can think is I don't want to go slow anymore.