Trigger Warning: Suicide/Self-harm. Reader discretion is advised.

She felt like she wanted to explode and take her anger out on anyone or anything that was in her vicinity. However, she was completely and utterly alone, trapped in her own emotional suffering and self-destructive misery. Her chest became heavy. She was dizzy and weak, the room spinning as she felt like she was going to faint. This prompted her to sit on a nearby sofa in one of her majestic parlor rooms, filled with the most grand and ornate furnishings. This didn't matter to Theodora though, who was now completely alone and with no one to help release her pent up and uncontrollable emotions. As she breathed heavily, she tried to rein them in, but her passions got the better of her.

The Wizard was gone. He pulled his disappearing act on her. Again.

He abandoned her. Like he always did. Would he come back? Probably not.

Throughout the morning, Theodora's emotions were on a roller coaster and had fallen off its axis of stability. When she woke up, she had feelings of joy, but then saw that the Wizard was not next to her in bed. As the minutes went by, her anxiety increased. She got dressed in her velvet ensemble and immediately went searching for him throughout the castle, but couldn't find him. Her anxiety then turned to panic and then to one of desperation. This desperation then turned to fear and then to anger. She even went to her crystal ball in order to try and locate him, but her search proved fruitless as she didn't know where to look.

Unbenownst to the witch, the Wizard did in fact leave a note for her, but one of the Winkie maids inadvertently threw it away while cleaning, unaware of its importance.

As the witch sat on a couch in one of her many parlor rooms, the Wizard went from being her favorite most loved person in all of Oz to one she utterly loathed and despised: a selfish and deceitful man with a massive ego who only cared about himself.

As she ruminated on the most minute details of his stay and agonized over every bit of it, she hated that the Wizard was her favorite. When he treated her like she was his everything, a sudden wave of euphoria would flood her brain. All was right with the world. He was such a good and generous man. He was a wonderful wizard who made her world amazing.

When he disappeared on her without any explanation, she was crushed. She was devastated. It was even worse than if he had never visited her at all. As she thought of his latest and unforgivable transgression, she felt a frenzy of negative emotions flood her mind like a tsunami, all of which told her to get even at him while simultaneously saying how much of a bad and terrible person he was. Her rage, her despair and her sorrow were about to erupt with fiery fury unless she was able to discharge this growing furor.

How could he do this to her? That ungrateful, deceitful liar. All she cared about was the Wizard. She gave up her values and her identity to be with him. She did everything to try and please him, even when he didn't reciprocate the same to her. He was her favorite person in all of Oz and now he was her sworn enemy. This time, she was prepared to leave him permanently. She was prepared to attack him where it hurt the most.

He was probably with Glinda right now, laughing about how truly pathetic and ugly Theodora was. Maybe he was even making love to her. That is why the Wizard turned down her sexual overtures. This is why he never made her his queen. He wanted Glinda more than her.

Deep down, the witch was terrified of abandonment and, ever since the Wizard had re-entered into her life, she needed constant reassurance that he wouldn't leave. That he really came to see her because he loved her. She needed him to show her his love.

And the Wizard was consistently failing this test. He didn't care. He wasn't even trying. And if he was, she wasn't feeling it or seeing it. The problem was not her. The problem must clearly be him.

Wizard, where are you, she thought to herself. I can't find you. I searched all over the castle. Where did you go? What are you doing? Wizard, why did you leave? I searched the entire castle looking for you, but you are gone. Why do you hate me so much? Wizard, what did I do wrong? What did I ever do to you to deserve this?

Wizard, why are you laughing at me? Why did you leave me for Glinda? Are you with her now? Answer my thoughts. I hate you. You are a horrible and selfish person. I need you. Please come back. That's it, Wizard. If you don't hear what I'm saying, I'm going to end my life. I'm going to pour water over my head. This is what you are going to make me do. If you don't respond and appear in this room right now, I will do it. Please answer me, Wizard. Please answer me…

Not hearing any signs or responses to her distress, the witch simply couldn't take the pain of heartbreak anymore. She wanted to die, to be free of this wretchedly intense pain, but was tortured at the possibility of death. If she actually carried it out, she would be letting down all of those who knew her. She would be letting down her family lineage. Witches aren't supposed to surrender. They are supposed to be fearless and tough. As she thought about suicide and just ending it all, she felt regret, embarrassment and shame for even thinking about it. Suicide, as much of a release it would be for her, made Theodora feel even worse.

No, she didn't actually want to die, but she couldn't harbor this anguish she was feeling. And this excruciating agony was made even worse when she believed it was something she did that prompted the Wizard to leave her.

Theodora eyed a nearby knife with a wooden handle, an antique ornament that was part of this parlor room's decor. She impulsively took it and sat again on the soft and plush sofa. She wanted to be released from her torment. She wanted to feel nothing at all. She wanted to be numb. Even numbness would be better than this excruciating torture she felt.

She removed the scarlet dress that covered her right arm. She clenched her teeth as she lowered the sharp blade onto her skin. As it began to pierce her right arm in a straight line, she let out a quiet moan. The blood soon followed, drifting away from the open wound and landing softly on the red velvet carpet below. This was followed by yet another cut to her flesh, and another, all of which were several inches away from the blade's previous position.

As blood trickled down her peach complexion, Theodora was calm. And for several minutes, she felt numb.

However, it was not to last. For the next hour, she sat where she had cut herself, staring blankly into space as blood slowly dripped from her arm and onto the carpet. Depression and an unfathomable emptiness simultaneously filled her psyche. She gave in to her wickedness, the inner voice inside her mind that persistently said that she was irredeemably worthless, and now she felt ashamed.

The Wizard did this to her. He gave her these feelings and these emotions. If he did come back, if he ever came back, she wanted him to see her like this. She wanted him to know that he was the one who made her this way.