Author's Note:

Dear all, thank you so much for reading, still :D I hope you're all enjoying yourselves, despite the angsty-ish mood. That's how it goes sometimes though ;)

For this chapter, you guessed it… smut warning! :D Vast majority of the chapter is smut, but if you want to skip that, be sure to read the last two sections :) There's no explicit smut in them and they're important for the plot.

I hope you'll all enjoy the chapter and thank you so much for the comments/kudos/follows etc.

Chapter XI – Such Sweet Sorrow

"You… you sure about this, love?"

Bishop whispered in between his heavy breaths, but he didn't show any indication of stopping just then.

Aeyrin was straddling his lap while he still sat on the same spot on the bed. His hands roamed hungrily over her back and backside, constantly pressing her closer to him while she kissed him along his neck and jaw with equal eagerness.

Her answer was only a determined nod. She started to run her hand over his chest and across the fabric of his shirt for a while before she slid the hand down his body and snuck it below his tunic. She ran her fingers over his hard muscles while she continued to kiss his neck, accompanying her ministrations with occasional gentle bite.

Bishop seemed a bit more… restrained than usual though. She was slowly starting to feel a bit insecure over all of that. She wasn't really used to him not instantly taking charge. Or at least trying to.

She stopped her ministrations for a second and looked into his eyes with uncertainty. If he didn't want this, he would have stopped this, right? He wouldn't have touched her like that. She could plainly see the barely restrained hunger in his eyes.

She had no idea what made him conflicted. And she definitely had no idea how to deal with it at that moment.

Instead, she smiled at him affectionately. She kept looking into his eyes for a while before he returned the smile and she leaned towards him to kiss him deeply once more. She could feel the unexplained restraint in his touch breaking. His tongue ran over hers in eager motions while his hands both slid down to her backside and gripped her firmly.

They kissed for quite a long while and they were both getting increasingly out of breath as their kisses deepened and turned more frantic each second. When their lips parted at last, she pressed her forehead to his, breathing heavily. She could not help another affectionate smile creeping up on her lips.

"I missed this so much," she whispered, letting her breath mix with his.

She just wanted to get lost in being with him, like she always used to. She just wanted to forget everything and everyone in the world and just enjoy this moment with him. She didn't want to think about anything else.

At her words, Bishop gripped her even more firmly and stood up suddenly from the bed, holding her whole body pressed against his chest. She wrapped both her arms and her legs around him and clung tightly to him, although she didn't need to for long.

He dropped back down on the bed with her instantly, pinning her below him.

Well, that was certainly more like him.

Aeyrin kept her legs wrapped around his waist as he started to grind himself against her. She let her hands fall from his neck when he grabbed her by her biceps and steadily moved to pin her arms above her head, pressing them into the bed.

He dipped his head down to kiss her again, nipping at her lower lip while a low pleased growl escaped his throat.

His stubble scratched the skin of her jaw as he slowly moved to kiss her over her cheek and towards her temple. Then he started to nip gently at the earlobe of her deformed ear before he ran his tongue over it, following by running it across the edge, all the way to the stub left there after the wound.

It felt strange. She was too aware of part of her missing there, small as it was. But the fact that he didn't seem put off by it even for a second was comforting. She knew by now that he hardly cared about old scars, but she still worried – not because of how it looked, but because of what it represented. She feared that it would remind him of Thorn, of that painful chapter in both of their lives. Like it always reminded her.

But Bishop didn't even seem to flinch. He continued his ministrations as eagerly as ever, nipping on her ear while his hands moved down her arms again and towards her cleavage. He squeezed her breasts firmly over her shirt, letting a lustful huff escape his lips right by her ear.

She didn't wait before reciprocating now that her hands were free. She ran them down his torso and grabbed the hems of his tunic. He accommodated her when she yanked it off of him and threw it somewhere on the ground.

He moved his lips down over her jaw, but suddenly, he stopped when they gently kissed her neck.

It seemed like he was hesitating.

And she suspected that she knew why.

But this was all supposed to feel normal. It was all supposed to feel like it used to. She wanted everything to feel like it did.

She moved her hand to his head and gripped his hair firmly. She pressed him against her neck and he got the hint instantly. It didn't even take a second before he began sucking firmly on the very familiar spot.

She moaned under him immediately.

It felt so good, so comforting.

She never wanted to stop feeling like this.

Bishop's hands moved lower to the hems of her shirt and he followed to drape it over her head. He seemed unwilling to have his lips leave her skin for long though since he instantly threw the cloth away and fastened his mouth back on her neck. He proceeded to move it down her collarbone in small hungry kisses and bites until his hands grabbed her naked breasts and he continued his ministrations on them, sucking on her nipples.

Her whole body felt on fire. She moaned again under his treatment and slid her hands over his hard taut muscles, down to his trousers. She rubbed her hand over the fabric teasingly, earning a low groan from him, though it was muffled by the flesh of her breasts.

Bishop bit his teeth into the sensitive skin around her nipple, making her tense up her body as a jolt went through her spine. He continued to play with her for quite a while, running his tongue over the hardened tip of her breast, sucking on her eagerly. She was getting rather distracted by his ministrations, but she still tried to concentrate on undoing the fastenings on his trousers.

Bishop didn't really let her tangle with the strings too long though. He suddenly straightened up and grabbed a hold of one of her thighs which was still rubbing against his waist. He yanked her boot off of her and continued to do the same for the other one. Without a second of respite, he hooked his hands under her trousers and undergarments and he hurriedly pulled them down to her thighs.

She quickly accommodated him and raised her legs up along his chest. He grabbed the clothes again and dragged them from her legs before he finally threw them somewhere on the floor unceremoniously.

Fuck, how he missed seeing her like that. Those flushed cheeks, messy hair and heaving chest. She let her legs drop from his body again, spreading them once more to have himself positioned between them. He watched her for a while, drinking in the view.

For once, he didn't want to think about what would come the morning after. He just wanted to enjoy this and not ruin it with insecurity and uncertainty. He wanted nothing occupying his mind than her body beneath him, squirming and arching in eager anticipation.

He descended down on her again, capturing one of her nipples in his mouth for a while before he started to kiss his way down her body.

He missed everything about this so much. The feel of her soft skin, her scent, her taste. And especially the sighs she let out when he moved downwards and grabbed her thighs to wrap around his head.

Her whole body quivered under him while he hungrily ran his tongue through her folds. She arched her back again instinctively as he rained suckling kisses along her slit. His tongue probed her wetness with more and more purpose, licking over her clit, entering her, tasting every single inch of her.

She grabbed a hold of his hair again and pressed him to her crotch almost forcefully. Her body was vibrating, heated. She could feel the buildup rise steadily within her. It felt like forever since she had felt like this. She needed this so much. She loved this so much. Loved him so much.

He inserted two of his fingers inside her, thrusting them in and out at an excruciatingly slow pace while his mouth still teased her relentlessly. He curled his fingers inside her, spread them apart, stretching her walls. She could not hold out much longer under this treatment.

Aeyrin bit into her lower lip with a bit more force than she had meant to. Her whole body tightened and a loud moan escaped her lips when the sensations overwhelmed her. She could feel her heartbeat in her entire body – from her temples to the tips of her fingers.

Bishop didn't stop though. He continued to tease her without respite, running his tongue inside her slit continuously over the entire length.

Her thighs pressed firmly against his head, squeezing it between them. It was a bit disappointing to him that her sighs and moans got so muffled like that. The thrusting of his fingers got a bit rougher and he used his other hand to pull one of her legs away from his head, pinning it to the mattress. He ran his tongue over the crease where her leg met her crotch, then he continued to tease her clit with the tip of his tongue.

She gasped loudly and her hands moved to grip bed covers in a firm hold. Again, the sweet release threatened to overcome her. Her leg was still pinned down to the sheets while the other pressed against his back with her toes curling and heel digging into his spine.

Gods, she needed him inside her. Her body tightened again and her depths began pulsating wildly as she reached her peak once more. She let out another strained moan, taking a few deep breaths as her body slumped heavily from the released tension. Her leg now rested limply on his back, contorted in a rather uncomfortable position which she didn't really mind before at all. Bishop's own heavy breaths tickled her pleasantly when he withdrew from her at last. He planted one more languid kiss just above her slit before he grabbed both her legs by the calves to position himself fully between them again.

Aeyrin's still felt a bit light-headed after all that, but her hands darted back towards the fastenings of his trousers in an instant nonetheless. She had no intention of taking a breather right now.

She undid the strings somewhat clumsily since both her arms and legs still felt a bit like jelly, but in the end she managed to pull his trousers down enough to uncover him.

Bishop didn't bother with removing his boots or his clothes completely. It was obvious that he was too distracted and in too much need to waste time on that. He descended on her again, fastening his lips on hers, without even a second's respite. His cock rubbed against her slit in frantic and barely contained movements as his hands went right back to squeeze her breasts with eagerness.

Aeyrin wrapped her legs around his waist quickly while she reached out to briefly stroke over his cock, aligning herself with him. Bishop groaned into her ear in response before he nipped again at the mangled tip of it. It always startled her a little when he got near it, but surprisingly enough, not in a bad way. He then continued to plant hurried kisses over her jaw and neck before he again ended up sucking on his favorite spot.

After only a few seconds, he slid his cock inside her surprisingly slowly, making them both let out a long outstretched groan of pleasure. She fastened her lips on him, sliding her tongue over his while strained huffs escaped her nostrils. Bishop began to thrust into her at a languid pace at first, filling her fully, then withdrawing again, but this pace was not nearly enough for how eager she already was. She reached out with her hand to grab at his backside, urging his movements.

Bishop picked up the pace gradually at her signal. Her walls kept squeezing him while she moaned loudly with every thrust, only spurring him on while he continued to knead her breasts and gently pinch her nipples between his fingers. Her legs tightened their hold on him, pinning him against herself firmly while thrusted his hips harder and faster.

Gods, she loved this feeling. The way his lips devoured hers, the way his rough hands felt on her soft breasts, the way his hard cock filled her, making her body overcome with heat.

He bit into her lower lip, coaxing another deep moan out of her. Every second a powerful jolt coursed through her entire being. She let out high pitched gasps and moans almost uncontrollably whenever his hips met hers while his mouth moved down to her neck again.

Her head was spinning. She gripped his bicep firmly while the nails on her other hand dug into his backside, holding their bodies close. His thrusts became faster but more shallow, always hitting a sweet spot deep inside her.

Aeyrin arched her back deeply, pressing her breasts into Bishop's face while he nipped at the soft skin on them. She felt her release wash over her again, her whole body quivering, the grip of her hands tightened even more than before.

Bishop's movements got a lot more strained too when he felt her wetness squeeze him so tightly. He let out a long groan, unable to contain his own release anymore. It was long overdue, after all. Her head fell back on the bed with another gasp while he spent himself inside her.

Fuck, he needed that. But for all those months, he knew that it would never be the same, it would never quench that unbearable thirst unless it was with her. He slumped down onto her body, ending up with his head buried in the crux of her shoulder as both of them breathed heavily after their release.

He stayed inside her while he began planting lazy kisses on the side of her face. Only when their bodies started to calm a bit an unpleasant thought occurred crept into his mind.

Fuck… he came inside her! Was she still using the tincture? They couldn't risk anything with how things were now. With all the things they were doing, with their lives in constant danger. They couldn't add this to their worries now!

He sorely did not want to ruin the moment by asking her, but on the other hand, he would not be able to put this thought out of his head otherwise. And he had no intention of ending this night prematurely just because such worries plagued him and he was too wary to ask.

"Shit… princess," he gave her an uncertain expression, eliciting a confused look from her. "Uh… you're still taking that tincture, right?" he asked carefully, bracing himself for the potential bout of panic that would ensue.

"Yes," she giggled a little and moved to kiss him again while she stroked over his back soothingly. She wasn't exactly sure why she was still taking it. She never actually thought about stopping, even though it was kind of pointless for all those months. Somehow, it made her feel like stopping would really accentuate the fact that she was all alone. She didn't really want to think about that, and aside from the dip into her funds, there was no harm in taking it. And apparently, that was a good choice, given this spontaneous escapade tonight.

Bishop let out a sigh of relief at her answer. Good. And it appeared that Aeyrin did not intend for the night to be over yet either. Right after their ragged breathing eased up a little, she began to kiss him hungrily again, moaning against his mouth whenever he shifted his hips. His cock slipped from inside her after a while and he turned himself on his side with his mouth never leaving hers. Aeyrin eagerly stroked over his chest and his arms, squeezing his biceps with her fingers every now and then.

He kneaded her breast for a while as his other hand stroked over her cheek and hair during their unceasing kissing. He just couldn't keep his hands off her even if he wanted to. It's been too long, way too long without being able to touch her, to feel her skin against his.

He moved his hand from her breast over her stomach, slowly sliding it down towards her wet slit again. Neither of them said a word the entire time, they were only enjoying each other's touch. Maybe she was thinking the same thing as he was. Maybe she worried too that any one wrong word could ruin this moment. Maybe she didn't want to risk it either.

He rubbed his fingers between her folds, gently pressing against her clit, before one of his fingers probed her entrance, rubbing their fluids around it. Aeyrin let out another loud moan, letting her breath tickle his face. He started to feel more insistent in his touch again, rubbing harder, probing her deeper. It was clear that things would heat up considerably in no time once more. Not that she was complaining about that though. She wanted nothing more than to fill this night with passion and blissful ignorance of every care in the world.

She eagerly moved her hand down to his cock once more. It didn't take very long before she felt him harden again. She stroked him slowly, occasionally moving her fingers closer to his body to cup his balls and knead them a bit in her hand. Bishop groaned at her ministrations and thrusted two fingers inside her swiftly in turn, making her gasp at the sudden movement. He rubbed his thumb over her clit, eliciting another gasp as she arched her back again.

They continued their explorations only a few minutes longer before she moved her hand to his chest and pressed on it, pushing him onto his back on the bed. Bishop promptly withdrew his own hand from her and she quickly straddled his hips. He only placed his hands on her thighs, gently stroking them with a salacious smirk on his lips while he waited for her to act.

She didn't waste much time before she positioned herself to his hard cock again and pressed her hips down on him in one hard and fast movement. Bishop moaned in pleasure alongside her before his hands moved to her backside and gripped her firmly.

Aeyrin started to ride him frantically immediately. Her breasts were bouncing with each movement, letting him drink in the view in full. He urged her motions along with his hands still on her backside, at times pinching her skin there or kneading her buttcheeks hungrily.

After a while, Bishop shifted a bit and started to move against her too. Their pace was quickly getting too frantic and out of control. It wouldn't take either of them very long before they reached another release again.

And hopefully not for the last time that night.

…

Aeyrin was tossing and turning all night again.

Now, however, a few times when she woke up from her dreams, she regained her conscious thoughts quite quickly, riling herself fully awake. Every time that happened, Bishop could feel her run her hands over him almost instantly. Her lips fastened on his neck, her nails began scratching lightly against his chest or her leg draped over his with eagerness. She how lightly he slept. She always noticed that her own awakening riled him up a bit, so at least she didn't have to feel bad about disturbing his sleep further. She was only making it much more pleasant, right?

When Bishop inevitably reciprocated her advances, since he was fully awake too, mostly due to her constant thrashing, she practically pounced on him.

She kissed him wildly, ran her hands everywhere over his body, pushed herself firmly against him. It never took long before they were entangled with each other again, caught in the throes of sudden passion.

Bishop had probably never been that exhausted in his entire life. The whole night went on like that, always interrupted by frantic groping. He wasn't sure if she was seeking the comfort of losing herself in the act after the dreams woke her up, but he certainly wasn't going to ask and force her to deal with it in any other way. He was not complaining. He would spend his whole life plagued by exhaustion if it meant that his nights would be filled this way.

It was only almost dawn when they finally both slipped into a state where neither of them was capable of doing anything else but sleep.

She still tossed and turned at times, but she no longer woke up fully.

And soon enough, he would probably not notice even if she did.

…

It must have been well past noon when Bishop finally woke up.

The space beside him on the bed was woefully empty, but in a few seconds, he could hear Aeyrin rustling about the room. That was comforting. He was not thrilled about the idea of waking up to her being gone.

He opened his eyes only to see her sit down on the bed with her pack in her hands. She placed it on the ground beside her and started to rummage inside it. Her hair was a complete mess and she was still naked. He could have sworn that he could see goose bumps on her skin. She was always cold.

He reached out to stroke over her back gently, letting her know that he was awake.

"Morning," she turned her head and offered him a small smile.

Bishop promptly gripped her upper arm and pulled her down, dragging her back onto the bed and next to him. She smiled again, but it looked a little sad. However, he didn't get much chance to decipher her expression before she pressed a gentle kiss on his lips and let him run his hands over her flank in idle soothing motions. But something felt definitely off. She looked down onto his chest rather than meeting his eyes and she had a small crease between her brows.

Fuck… that did not bode well.

"Shit… you see, this is why I asked you if you were sure. I didn't want you to regret this," he sighed. He knew that they were in a weird place right now, but he just really hoped they could move past it, if only for the sake of some much needed closeness.

She finally looked up at him after those words with a somewhat concerned expression on her face.

"No… Bishop, I don't regret a thing about last night, I promise," she tried to smile, but it came out a bit weak. Then she pressed her hand against his chest and started to play with the hair there idly while her eyes lowered back to that spot. "I'm… I'm glad it happened. And… thank you… for being with me."

The words should have made him happy, but they didn't. Her expression erased any hope and any contentment he had felt before.

"I just… I… I have to go now," she sighed and closed her eyes, as if to escape the hurt expression on his face.

"Sweetness, no. You don't have to go. We can just…"

"Stop, Bishop. Please. I don't want to talk about this now," she kept her eyes firmly shut while she shook her head.

Why? What happened? What went wrong? He knew that it could end like this again. But he got so caught up in everything last night, so hopeful. It felt like it used to, like nothing ever went wrong between them. Didn't she feel the same in his arms?

At least when they argued or when things got uncomfortable, he could see why she wanted to escape, but now? Why?

"I'm sorry, Bish, but… nothing's changed. I still need…" she sighed again. This time, her eyes opened, staring at him, full of regret.

Time. Right. He still had no idea what she needed time for.

"'Changed'? What do you want to change? Princess, just tell me what to do, please. I…" I can't stand to see you leave all the time.

"I don't… I don't know," she leaned in to give him a small kiss on his lips again before she started to pull away.

He held her firmly, but he could feel her movement get more adamant.

As much as he didn't want to, he let go. What good would it do now if he didn't? He just wanted to know what to do. Or at least to know what he was waiting for. If he at least knew that he was waiting for her to come back to him, he could be patient. But this way… he felt like he was just waiting for her to be ready to let him go, to be ready to have him out of her life.

Aeyrin disentangled herself from him and sat back on the bed. She started to rummage in her pack to find some undergarments before she got up to walk around the room, collecting her discarded clothes from the ground.

He had no idea what else to do but watch. He had a feeling that more attempts to convince her would only sour her more.

Fuck, he hated this. He was so happy only a few minutes ago.

She dressed herself hastily and slung her pack over her shoulder, leaving him still naked in the bed, staring at her at a complete loss at what to do.

"I'm… I'm really sorry, Bishop. We'll… we'll see each other soon?" It was a question. She gave him an uncertain look and the despair in her eyes was plain to see.

He got the urge to say no. He got the urge to tell her that she had to make a choice, now.

But he couldn't. Maybe he could bring himself to do it if she wasn't looking at him with those sad black eyes, but he was pretty sure that even then, it would have been almost an impossible endeavor. He didn't want to not see her. Even if it broke his heart all over again to watch her leave once more. Did she even realize just how irreparably she wrapped him around her finger?

He was powerless.

He could think of nothing else than when would he see her again, when would he be able to talk to her again, to hold her again.

He nodded at her in utter defeat and she gave him a small smile. He kind of hated how much that brightened his outlook.

After all, it only meant that this wouldn't be the last time he had to bear that pain of watching her walk out of the door.