Bishop slammed the door of Moorside Inn behind him a bit more forcefully than necessary.
He was done with that place. The last thing he needed was another reminder of the image of her walking out of that very door. Like he didn't get enough reminders already. He could still feel her in his arms, still hear the soft whimpers of her restless sleep, still taste her on his tongue. It was all like a constant bitter reminder that she was gone yet again.
Funny, he should be getting used to this already, shouldn't he?
But he suspected that it was not to be. Besides, he hardly wanted to get used to this! He wanted her to stay, not make her leaving even more common.
He just needed to get away for a while, clear his head or something.
Or numb it with liquor.
Fuck Karliah right now! The mission was done now anyway, he was sure that she would only send him on more mindless errands until something better came along. He was in no mood for that.
He was actually in no mood for anything or anyone.
He could just stay in the wilderness for a while with Karnwyr, but it would give him too much time to think. That was the last thing he wanted. He briefly considered finding some inn somewhere which held no memories of Aeyrin for him. But after a while pondering, he could not really think of any. They've traveled everywhere together.
Why couldn't they just go back to that?!
He almost wished that last night hadn't happened. It only made things harder. And he thought that he had no idea where he stood before… now it was even more complicated. But then again, before she left once more, he was happier than he'd been in a long time. Even then, there was a looming question in the air the entire time: 'what will happen after?' But it was all too easy to forget that question completely when he held her.
But now he knew the answer to it.
Maybe with enough alcohol he could forget it again.
He wasn't sure where Aeyrin went. He wasn't exactly eager to see her. Well… he was… he always was, despite his bitterness. But he knew that it was a terrible idea right then. She wanted time, he could at very least make the attempt. Maybe she had a point. Maybe it would do both of them some good. And there was one sure place where he would not run into her by accident, no matter the circumstances.
Besides, if he avoided the cornerclub, there was absolutely nobody in Windhelm that would bother him or ask questions about Aeyrin. He could spend some time at Candlehearth Hall all alone, now that… now that Susanna was dead.
Aeyrin felt so awful after she was prevented from finding that killer.
Maybe while he was there, he could at least ask about some updates and…
Stop, fucking stop! You're not going there FOR her!
Ugh, he better get on the road.
Hopefully something will attack him soon to keep his mind off things.
…
Aeyrin spent two more days in Jorrvaskr in blissful ignorance of the outside world.
She had no desire to roam around Whiterun among the gossipmongers. It was bad enough that she noticed the odd stares and whispers from the junior recruits right away; she did not want to deal with a whole city of that. Luckily, Vilkas and Farkas's threatening looks put a stop to those looks soon enough.
She spent her days with the twins, talking about their adventures and sparring. In the end, it was rather relaxing. Since Aela and Skjor left, the atmosphere had become decidedly less tense. They hadn't returned the entire time. But since Aeyrin was somewhat enjoying her days there, she considered waiting for them a little longer. If Raven really needed to talk to her, he would send a message anyway.
She was just having lunch with Vilkas while Farkas was out on another 'Circle-only' contract. He'd been going out every midday at the same time, returning only late at night. It was rather strange, but maybe it was just his routine. Today, however, he returned only an hour after he had left. He wore an oddly panicked look on his face and he rushed towards Vilkas and Aeyrin the second his eyes found them by the large table.
"Vilkas! They're… uh… it's… uh… you know what we talked about? It's… happening," Farkas stammered uncharacteristically while his eyes kept darting from Aeyrin to Vilkas at all times. If she thought that the other Companions weren't very good at being vague and subtle, this was on a whole other level.
"Right. Thank you, brother," Vilkas nodded resolutely.
Farkas stood before them, fidgeting nervously. He gave a questioning look towards Vilkas but he only earned only a deep scowl in return. "Well? What are you waiting for? You remember what we discussed," Vilkas nodded at him.
Farkas let out a deep sigh and turned on his heel. He headed straight back outside, leaving Aeyrin none the wiser.
"What was that about?" She couldn't help it. It was all so curious. She needed to prod a little more even though she knew that with Vilkas it wouldn't lead anywhere.
"Nothing to be concerned about, pup. Circle business," Vilkas didn't even look at her. He only drank deeply from his mug before he slammed it back onto the table, a bit more forcefully than necessary.
Of course. 'Circle business'. Did she really expect anything else?
"How about we head out on a contract, pup?" Vilkas turned to her suddenly.
What? A contract? He constantly claimed that they didn't have any. This was getting stranger and stranger.
"What contract?" she narrowed his eyes at him in suspicion.
"Just a little thing. But it would be a nice change of pace, wouldn't it?" he smiled at her.
Well… it certainly would, but… where did this contract just come from all of the sudden?
"It's just… you never said that there were any," she couldn't erase her suspicious expression. Something strange just happened, but she had no idea what.
"Eh… I was putting it off. Maybe hoping for something better. But now I feel like killing something," Vilkas shrugged. It was so peculiar! Why not do the contract in the meantime until something better comes along? Aela wasn't there, it was not like she would steal any new contracts from him. Maybe it was something that would take a long time. Still… it was a bit disheartening. Whoever issued the contract likely wanted it taken care of as fast as possible. And Aeyrin had thought that every Companion was always jumping at opportunities for a new mission.
"Uhm… alright, I guess," she shrugged. It was unlikely that she would get anything more from him.
"Great. Let's go," Vilkas nodded before he rose abruptly from the table.
Right now?!
"What's the hurry?" she looked at him in confusion. He'd been putting it off Divines-knew-how-long and now he needed to go instantly?
"Better get it done right away, don't you think?" Vilkas gave her an expectant look and waited for her to get up. He wasn't concerned with getting this done until now? What in Oblivion was this?
"Uh… I guess. Can I at least finish my food?" she gave him an incredulous stare. This was getting ridiculous.
"You can eat later. It will taste all the better after a job well done," he smirked at her and without waiting for another protest he grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her from the chair.
…
Aeyrin barely had time to put all her equipment on when Vilkas appeared at the door by the recruits' room where she had been preparing, checking on her.
"Ready?" He was tapping his foot impatiently. Seriously? What was going on with him?
She only nodded and narrowed her eyes at him. This attitude was getting somewhat annoying. But maybe she would finally find out what was going on during the mission. He certainly seemed eager for her to go with him for some reason. Maybe it was naïve of her, but it made her hopeful about the prospects of some… explanations.
"Is that what you're wearing? You're on a Companions contract now, you know?" he looked over her Dwemer metal armor critically.
"The armor's in my house," she sighed. She really didn't want to go there. It was bad enough that she had to risk running into someone she didn't want to, now that she was about to waltz through Whiterun in the light of day. Was it really that important to wear that black armor?
"Hmm… no time for that. Fine. Let's head out," Vilkas grumbled.
Really? No time to stop by the place that was literally on their way? Then again, his impatience was somewhat convenient right then. She really didn't want to stop there either.
She slung her pack onto her back and followed him out of Jorrvaskr.
They barely left the building and descended the steps towards the markets when she started to watch the people around her warily. She knew all of this too well by now – the curious looks, the barely audible whispers. She was getting used to people constantly talking about her. It was helpful that, ever since the ball with Casavir and the occasional racist remarks, she hadn't really noticed people talking about her maliciously. In fact, most rumors circulating about her were littered with praise of how she helped people. At least as far as she knew. But that wasn't the case now. She couldn't hear them, but she could see the curious judgmental looks and the subdued giggles at her naivety.
Maybe she was just imagining it.
But she was pretty sure that she wasn't. Vilkas himself had told her that she's been the subject of these rumors.
"S-so… what's the job?" She tried to turn to Vilkas as they marched on so that she wouldn't constantly look around to watch the people passing by warily. Maybe if they talked, at least it would distract her.
"A favor for one of the merchants in town. A little giant killing. There is this giant camp that she needs cleared so that she can tap a tree there for its… sap," Vilkas smirked a little as he said that.
"'Tap a tree'?" She gave him a curious look. Why would any kind of sap be important enough to mess around with giants?
"Yeah. Ysolda is one of the merchants here who sell more exotic goods. She has a way to make these… special drinks out of the sap. You'll see. They're fun on the right occasion," Vilkas smiled to himself.
"Y-Ysolda?" Aeyrin stammered nervously. The name rang a bell instantly. Was it the same Ysolda that she thought? There couldn't have been that many in Whiterun, could there? That would have been a big coincidence. It must have been her. Bishop's past lover. The one who had warned Aeyrin about Bishop almost a year ago. The one who had lost her fiancé because of Thorn's obsession with making Bishop's life miserable. Aeyrin wasn't sure how she felt about this. There was no reason to react at all, it hardly mattered who had issued the contract. But she felt uncomfortable at even a meager connection to her. To anyone who was tied to all that mess in Falkreath, really.
Vilkas studied her curiously when she had that strange reaction. He kept his eyes on her for quite a while, even as they finally passed the city gates and headed down the path towards the outskirts.
"You know… she was one of the many people who were quite… vocal about bringing the mongrel to justice," Vilkas pondered. He was still staring at her, as if he was trying to analyze her reaction. That did not make it any easier to hide her discomfort.
She didn't meet his eyes though, only adamantly staring at the road ahead. "Lots of people must have been," she grumbled. It was hardly surprising that Ysolda held a grudge against Bishop after what had happened. Aeyrin just didn't understand why Vilkas found all of this so intriguing. He was studying her reactions as if he was watching a prey.
"Uh-huh. True. The crimes were severe," Vilkas only nodded. This time he finally turned his eyes back on the road.
She got the urge to defend Bishop against these 'crimes' that he could not even have had the conscience to realize at that age, but she was just relieved that the strange scrutiny was over. It would be better to stick to other topics, it seemed.
For the both of them.
…
They approached the camp a few hours later.
Two giants and a mammoth were roaming around the small basin surrounded by low cliffs. In the middle of it, there was a pond with a tree towering above the cliffs, protruding from the center of the basin, surrounded by shallow water. The tree looked strange. Its bark had a pinkish hue to it and it seemed like it was… glowing. Aeyrin had never seen a tree like that. Was it… enchanted somehow? Or perhaps it was the sap. It must have been special somehow. Now she was really curious about that drink.
"Ready, pup? I'll take point and you cover me. Careful though, there's a cave there, see?" Vilkas pointed towards one of the cliffs which had a large hole in it. "There might be others inside."
So again, she was stuck covering Vilkas's back. But she was sure that giants at least would not make the fight conventional like any narrow corridors in a dungeon. She would probably be right in the thick of it in no time.
Vilkas didn't wait for her response and charged against one of the giants. He unsheathed his claymore mid-run and, with a feral yell, he slashed in a wide circle before the giants managed to act when they noticed his presence. The sword slashed one giant across the shin, making it cry out in pain. The other giant was too far away to be hit by Vilkas's swing, however, and it started to rush towards him instantly. Its heavy steps made the ground quake and it only intensified when the mammoth decided to help out his herders and started to approach Vilkas as well.
Aeyrin rushed forward to join the fight. The giants paid her no mind, despite her eye-catching armor, glistening in the afternoon sun. She headed straight for the giant that was swiftly approaching Vilkas. Luckily, she was faster than the creature. The other giant still roared in pain and swung its club around in panic, and even though Vilkas was not one for agility, he slashed into its shin every single time the giant made a swing, interrupting its attack. In the meantime, she reached the other giant and smashed her mace into the foot of her target. Flames enveloped its flesh instantly, singing it and making the beast stop in its tracks instantly.
Vilkas's giant managed to smash the club into the man's side at last and Vilkas was sent flying some distance away from the creature. He looked a little dazed, but he rose up again in no time. His armor seemed to protect him from most of the crushing damage.
Aeyrin's target readied to attack her in turn. It could barely stand on its burned crushed foot, but it still managed to keep itself up.
"IIZ!"
Its hale leg got encrusted in a thick layer of ice instantly and the beast toppled to the ground. The giant club fell from its grasp and it roared out in pain. Aeyrin didn't hesitate. She grabbed the wooden weapon and threw it as far away from the beast as she could. She couldn't wield that enormous thing properly anyway.
Vilkas charged his target again with renewed vigor, but by the time he got to it, the mammoth already made its way towards its herder. Vilkas seemed to ignore it altogether. He focused on the giant and again started to slash his sword into its shins. The mammoth stomped towards him with clear intent, its feet trampling anything beneath them.
Aeyrin reacted quickly. Her target was down, helplessly trying to get up on its mangled feet again, but it was harmless for now. She ran straight towards the mammoth and concentrated on her range.
"YOL TOOR!"
The animal's hide was instantly set aflame. It started to thrash and shake, trying to douse the flames down in frantic panic, but it would not work. Its thick long fur was the perfect kindling.
Vilkas finally managed to down the giant and, as it fell to its knees, he cleaved his claymore into its neck, lodging it deep inside. Blood sprayed all over him and he merely rubbed the liquid out of his eyes somewhat ineffectively with his armored gauntlet. He instantly turned to the giant that Aeyrin left behind and repeated the process.
They both breathed heavily when the battle was over. The giants lay slumped on the ground lifelessly while the burning mass of the mammoth still let out pained rumbles.
"So…" Vilkas chuckled in between his ragged breaths. "I guess… that's two giants… for me. And… one fluffy animal… for you."
Seriously? He would have been completely fucked if it wasn't for her!
"Though… those Shouts… damn… that was… impressive," Vilkas gave her an exhausted smile. She didn't even realize that this was the first time she ever used them in front of him. She'd always been afraid to. She knew that it was all too easy to become the Companions' pet dragon. It was bad enough that everyone only ever called for her help to make use of her powers. Maybe she should have avoided Shouting this time too, but she had hardly thought about it. She got so used to her skills over time.
"The cave?" she motioned towards the cliffside, eager to change the topic. There could still be something inside.
…
As suspected, there was another giant waiting inside the cave. It seemed uncharacteristically smart. It did not leave to help the others – instead it waited for them, ready to take them by surprise.
Unfortunately for the creature, they had expected to run into something there. Still, the attack was sudden as the giant swung its mace instantly, barely missing them by a hair.
As usual, Vilkas started to ignore the creature's attacks and barreled on without regard. While he ran towards the giant's legs again, Aeyrin concentrated on protecting him, positioning herself near the beast's range to smash into its club-wielding arm whenever it attempted to swing.
The tactic worked well enough and soon, the giant was on its knees again, leaving an opening for Vilkas's sword.
It was only a matter of seconds then.
When it was done, Vilkas breathed out heavily and sheathed his claymore onto his back. He gave Aeyrin a curious look while she clasped her own weapon to her flank, studying her with an intrigued expression.
"You didn't use them this time," he prodded after a while. He was talking about the Shouts without a doubt. He even sounded a little disappointed, but mostly there was surprise palpable in his tone.
"It's kind of a small cave. I could have hurt you," she shrugged. She was all too used to avoid Shouting in close quarters most of the time.
"That's… surprising. Most people I know are only too happy to use every weapon in their arsenal, no matter the consequences," Vilkas sighed. He seemed strangely morose all of the sudden.
"It's not always easy to think about consequences when you're in battle," Aeyrin shrugged in response. Too many times she let her instincts or her anger take over instead. She was hardly a paragon of self-control, unfortunately.
"You misunderstand," Vilkas shook his head somberly. "There are people who only live to express their power, who revel in all the destruction they can cause. It should not be like that. A hunter should not be only strong, but also clever and cunning, but superiority makes us… prideful, and we do whatever we can to keep it that way." He didn't spare her a glance the entire time as he spoke. He was instead staring at the dead corpse of the giant on the ground with his face oddly pensive.
She wasn't sure if she understood. Was he talking about the Companions, about the Circle? About their 'superiority' over the other recruits? In battle, he hardly seemed clever and cunning. He always used more of the brute force approach. And what was that about destruction?
"Perhaps you would be different… but whatever you become, you still don't get to choose." Now he was definitely not talking to her. He murmured to himself with his eyes still fastened on the giant stubbornly. What did he mean? 'Choose' what? There he went with the strange vague talk again. It made less and less sense by the minute.
Vilkas seemed to rile himself up from his thoughts after a while and he noticed her confused expression.
"Don't mind me. Just getting sentimental in my not-that-old age," he chuckled. He seemed like a completely different man now – the shadow from his face was gone and his easy grin suggested that it was never even there.
She gave him a weak smile in turn. She was still a little unsettled by that strange talk, but for the life of her, she could not make any sense of it anyway. It seemed like there would be no answers for her on this mission. She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up.
"So," he gave another curious look while he rubbed his chin ponderingly. "We should probably head back to talk to Ysolda. She'll be pleased that the camp is cleared."
"Oh… uh… yeah. You should definitely tell her… I will head to Jorrvaskr then," Aeyrin stammered a bit. He didn't expect her to come with, did he? Why would he? And she really didn't want to see that woman, let alone talk to her.
"Alright," Vilkas smiled. He seemed strangely pleased with her answer. "Hopefully she'll come with me back to Jorrvaskr. She often comes over with her selection of some of the more exotic and rare weapons, metals or remedies. It's very convenient. We don't have to scour the market and everyone can choose and buy whatever they want. It's like our own private market, with exclusive access to her goods for the entire evening. I'm sure you'll love it."
What? He planned on taking Ysolda back to Jorrvaskr? Gods, she really didn't want to deal with this. He had already mentioned how vocal that woman was, spitting dirt at Bishop's name. Who knew what conversations she would force if she actually talked to Aeyrin? Besides, she really didn't feel like being reminded of everything just by seeing that woman.
She needed to make an excuse. She would leave before talking to Aela again, but… it was not worth going through this. Aela would simply have to understand. If she was even back already. It was unlikely that she had returned just in those few hours that they'd been gone.
"I… actually… now that you mention it… I… it's Turdas already, right? I just remembered… I need to head out already. It might… it might be best if I just resupply quickly in town and… get on my way. I'm sure I'll catch the trader some other time," Aeyrin stammered nervously. Well… that was pathetic. She 'suddenly' remembered? He was not going to believe that.
"Alright, pup. Let's head back. You won't have much time before the markets close in any case. There's always another time for private shopping," Vilkas smiled at her with surprising warmth.
He really believed her? That was… strange.
But it was all the better for her.
They left the cave promptly, but before they could head out of the basin, Vilkas hurried towards the glowing tree. He waded slowly through the knee-deep water until he stopped by two crates, lying beneath the tree. He returned to Aeyrin only a while later with a wide grin and a few bottles in his hands.
"Hah! Yes! Ysolda mentioned that her contacts got interrupted by the giants just as they were collecting. This is the sap. Ysolda waters it down and adds some other ingredients to make a drink, but it's fine to drink even in this form. Actually, it's more potent," Vilkas winked at her.
"What is it?" Aeyrin peered at the liquid in the clear bottles. It had the same pink glowing color as the tree's bark. It was both mesmerizing and concerning.
"They call it Sleeping Tree sap. I don't know it by any other name. It's… better than alcohol. Here. Have a bottle. Crack it open when you have something to celebrate," Vilkas smirked at her before he stashed the other bottles into his pack.
She looked the bottle over curiously for a while before stashing it into her own pack too. This was definitely not the time for it, but she was rather intrigued by the liquid.
…
Aeyrin parted with Vilkas at the market as he headed towards Ysolda's house.
She quickly disappeared into Belethor's shop, hoping both to avoid them when they went over to Jorrvaskr and to avoid as many people as possible. She could sense everyone's eyes on her again.
She spent some time in the store, despite the strange feeling that she wasn't very welcome there. Was that damn bounty really that important to people? She doubted that Belethor personally lost anything to the Thrice-Banished's antics. He was too young for that. He was just throwing her nasty looks because of some stupid rumors.
But better one person than a whole town square of them.
She really shouldn't care about these things so much, but she still wasn't able to get used to the public eye at times. Whenever it was not just the good stuff that people talked about, it made her so uncomfortable. It was hypocritical of her. She did bad things, she knew that. Or just embarrassing things. She was none too concerned with people talking about her when they were singing her praises but the second that stopped, she suddenly minded the attention. It was natural, supposedly, but she knew that she should learn to cope with it better. If Bishop was there, he would tell her how ridiculous she was being. Then he would do everything he could to distract her from it all. She sorely missed him just then.
Not just then.
But that was enough thinking about Bishop. She should just pick up what supplies she could and get out of Whiterun already. Not only did the looks and whispers disturb her, but any second spent there she was risking running into Lydia. She wasn't ready for that.
Belethor's goods were much more expensive than they used to be. She remembered Bishop telling her about the pricing customs in Skyrim – if the seller didn't like her, they'd spike up the price. It was hardly surprising at that moment, but it still made her feel even more sour. A few months ago, everyone was smiling at her warmly there whenever she passed after all those times she had helped the city.
She didn't say anything about his prices in the end. She only stashed her things hurriedly and left the shop.
It was finally time to get out of that place. Nightfall would come soon, but she could be at the meadery in less than half an hour. At least Raven was a constantly smiling face. Hopefully still… after that strange moment between them last time. She really hoped that he would pretend that it never happened. She was certainly planning to do just that.
Aeyrin was already past Breezehome and almost out of the gates when a familiar voice called for her, stopping her in her tracks.
"Aeyrin!"
Gods, how she didn't want to turn around just then.
"Saadia," she sighed in defeat and faced the Redguard rushing towards her.
Saadia stopped in front of her and looked her over with concerned creased brows. Concerned or confused, Aeyrin wasn't sure which.
"I heard some rumors that you are in town just… nothing too substantial," Saadia sighed. She looked a bit disappointed. Maybe because she only caught Aeyrin on her way out without ever hearing from her before.
"I just needed to see the Companions. I'm leaving now," Aeyrin shook her head briskly. That only served to make Saadia look even more morose.
"Right. Of course you are. I'm sure you can spare me a minute though," Saadia scowled at her. Gods, she looked kind of… angry now.
"S-sure. What do you need?" Aeyrin fidgeted nervously on the spot. She wasn't sure why she even asked, she knew that Saadia wanted to talk about what happened, about why Aeyrin was avoiding Lydia. But Bishop had already told Lydia what happened, didn't he? Although… Saadia likely wasn't privy to that.
The Redguard stepped closer and looked around. Her eyes rested on every guard within earshot, on every passerby. After a few seconds, she seemed to decide that she did not want any audience for their talk. Aeyrin wasn't sure whose benefit that was for, but Saadia turned on her heels and motioned towards the city walls. Aeyrin followed her, although very reluctantly, along the wall and into one of the more secluded alcoves with an empty watchtower above it. No one else was in sight.
"Aeyrin, I…" Saadia sighed, "I know what happened."
"'What happened'?" Aeyrin cocked her head at her. That could have meant any number of things.
"I know what happened. I know what Bishop did, what… what he had Lydia help with. I know what happened in Falkreath," Saadia let out another heavy breath and waited for her reaction.
What? How could she know all that? What did she have to do with any of that? Why would anyone tell her all of that?
"Lydia told me everything," Saadia explained when she noticed Aeyrin's shocked expression. "Bishop came to her a few months back and told her what went down with the bandits. You know that they were looking for me, don't you?"
"I… other people were looking for you. I thought that they were taken care of! What business does Lydia have announcing this to everyone?! And Bishop for that matter!" Aeyrin snapped at her. She could feel her anger bubbling up. What, so they were all just discussing all these secrets now with everyone? When she was being kept in the dark for so long 'for her protection'? Bishop was so regretful for 'dragging her into this mess', why did he have no trouble dragging those two along? And apparently, he had no trouble cluing everyone on what Aeyrin has gone through in Falkreath. Why else would Saadia get so nervous about telling her? As if Aeyrin didn't get enough pity looks from Raven already. "Frankly, Saadia, I don't know what business is that of yours or Lydia's, but I don't want to hear it."
Saadia seemed a bit caught off guard by her retort, but she reacted quickly. Before Aeyrin could step away from her, she blocked her path pointedly, practically trapping her in the alcove.
"'Announcing'? Ever thought that maybe she needed to talk to someone after the shit that went down? Ever thought that maybe he did? Or maybe that I, for once, wanted to be sure that I was able to walk out of the Mare without constantly worrying that another one of those scum would spot me and report me to that… that Thorn freak?!" Saadia raised her voice considerably.
Even so, why did she ambush Aeyrin like this? She didn't want to deal with this, she didn't want to talk about it, especially with someone who knew exactly what happened. Why would Saadia think this was alright?
"Saadia I… I really don't want to discuss this with you, I…" Aeyrin stammered uncomfortably and tried to move past her in the other direction than before but Saadia blocked her path again with determination.
"Tough luck, honey. Those puppy eyes don't work on me. I have things to say and you're gonna listen!" Saadia scowled. Damn… she looked kind of fierce. But what was she thinking? Aeyrin could have gotten past her with no issues. She could just push her away or Shout or something. But it felt like it would make things even more heated. She suddenly felt so… small under Saadia's gaze. She just wanted to hide somewhere instead.
"Lydia is a fucking mess. And I care about her and I definitely will not let you run off without at least trying to do something about it. She's not an idiot! She knows that you've been avoiding her. She gets dragged into this shit and, out of nothing but kindness and concern, she helps me and she helps Bishop. With, quite frankly an insane shitstorm of trouble. He told her that he was protecting you. He was protecting you! Believe me, I'd know. And by now, you know that damn well too. What exactly did Lydia do to deserve this? To deserve you treating her like this? Aeyrin, she was carrying all this the whole time. Before your excursion to Falkreath, she was worrying constantly, if she did the right thing, if the secret would come out, if she made things worse. And then, she was left with no one to help her carry it. Bishop can barely come here with that fucking bounty. And you just… abandon her? You didn't even think to come see her in all those months? When you found out what she went through for you?"
Aeyrin again almost subconsciously tried to sidestep her, but once more, she was unsuccessful. It was awful to hear, but could Saadia not see her side? Could she not see how painful it was to deal with these things? To face the people who conspired to keep her oblivious to everything threatening her?
"She lied to me!" Aeyrin gritted her teeth, but she couldn't help but fidget nervously in place. It was all too overwhelming. She never thought about Lydia's side, she never wanted to. She was hurt and she was betrayed, why would she ever have to listen to her excuses?
"She didn't want to! She thought that she was doing what was best. Why can't you at least hear her out, hear her side of things? None of this was her fault, yet she risked so much for… for all three of us. And this is the thanks she gets from you?" Saadia hurled at her angrily. Divines, this was hard to hear.
"Do you know what Bishop and Lydia did for me? Do you know what I did?" Saadia's voice got a lot quieter and she stepped a bit closer. Aeyrin could only manage to shake her head at her. The back of her neck was burning intensely and she wanted nothing more than to run away and not think about all of this ever again.
"I'm from Hammerfell. I was a noblewoman and I… spoke against the Dominion. Publically," Saadia whispered, but her voice still carried a lot of anger and bitterness. "Hammerfell is not even a part of the Empire anymore and the Thalmor still hold our reins like they do with all the rest. I dared to speak up and, ever since then, I had to constantly run and hide from assassins and bounty hunters. The Alik'r warriors hunted me down all the way here and they hired the bandit scum to find me. You know better than anyone what would have happened to me if they did find me. Not to mention what the Thalmor would do to me after. I didn't even know that they located me until Bishop warned me. And then, Lydia came. I don't care if it was guilt over what they did, or anything else. She helped me! She risked her life, she risked her freedom. She risked everything just because I was in danger. And she did the same for you!"
This was too much. Aeyrin couldn't stand any more. She couldn't even think straight under the assault of Saadia's accusations. She was right, Aeyrin never let Lydia tell her side of it all, but… she couldn't. She couldn't listen to this. She couldn't deal with this. It was too overwhelming.
"Saadia… please… let me go… I can't," Aeyrin's voice trembled as she clenched her fists tightly.
Saadia pierced her with her dark eyes, but at last she seemed to deflate, if only a little.
"Aeyrin, think about what I said. She doesn't deserve this. She cares about you. Both of you. And everything she did was because of that. You owe her more than this," Saadia gave her a terrifyingly cold look and, without another word, she turned on her heel and walked away briskly.
Finally Aeyrin was free to leave.
Gods, she needed to get away instantly.
She felt herself tremble a bit when she stepped forward. This was all too nerve-racking.
She needed to force herself to stop thinking about this.
No good could come of it.