Chapter XV – Faith

Aeyrin rushed up the stairs to the attic rooms of the meadery.

Her mood had been sufficiently soured in Whiterun and she was eager to take her mind off things again. Even another dragon was probably preferable at that point, although she was really hoping for some different news on that front.

She opened the door to the familiar room and found Karliah sitting at the table, surrounded by parchments with foreign and ancient scripts. She was clearly still trying to make sense of Gallus's journal.

"Aeyrin. Good to see you here," Karliah gave her a small smile when she finally tore herself from the papers and motioned towards one of the chairs by the table.

"Karliah. Still working on… what was that? Phase eight-hundred-seventy-nine?" Aeyrin smirked at her. It was all too tempting to pick on her meticulousness.

"Aye, aye, of course," Karliah chuckled briefly. "It's phase sixty, by the way. And since Bishop procured another piece of the puzzle, I can finally make some progress." Karliah pointed to a stack of papers by her side – they looked clearly hastily copied. It must have been from the book that Bishop had stolen from the College.

"Yeah," Aeyrin sat herself down on the chair and slumped her pack on the floor. "I still can't believe that he pulled that off practically blind," she smirked again and shook her head in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, what?" Karliah's brows shot up in surprise.

Oh… was she not supposed to say that? Maybe Bishop didn't want Karliah to know how much his misjudgment jeopardized the mission. It was possible. Karliah had always seemed a bit sour when things didn't go perfectly according to her plan, but… she valued results above all else, right?

"I… uh… nothing? I mean…" Aeyrin stammered. There was hardly any way out of this, was there? She'd basically already revealed the whole thing.

"How exactly was he 'practically blind'?" Karliah peered at Aeyrin in bafflement.

"Uhm… a… a spell misfire?" she bit her lower lip uncertainly. There was no going back from this. At the very least, she could keep silent about Bishop's own culpability in this.

Karliah rolled her violet eyes with an exasperated sigh. "Well… I suppose I have the book I need. It is never a simple heist with either of you involved, is it?" she let out a little laugh and gave Aeyrin a mockingly chastising look.

Aeyrin gave her an innocent smile in return. It may have been true that, at times, there were… complications. But they always got results, didn't they? Well… not always. But that was why she was chasing after dragons now – to fix that mistake and get Maven back on their side.

"So… is Raven here?" Aeyrin changed the subject and looked around for any clues of Raven's presence.

"No. He's on a mission. I'm uncertain whether he will return anytime soon," Karliah smiled softly. "But I did get a word of you taking care of business near Morthal. Well done."

Aeyrin nodded. She just hoped that it was enough. She knew that technically the dragon souls should have made her stronger and that she could have just encountered those dragons by accident anyway if she was traveling around, but for some reason, looking for them, waiting for them, it felt horrible. She did help the merchants, but… she was just waiting around for people to get into trouble and played a hero then. Sometimes she came too late. If she let her presence be known sooner, some of the guards would have survived.

And as much as she hated it, she couldn't help but think of herself. She was actively seeking out the most painful moments for her. And she could not stop thinking about the pointlessness of it. Couldn't the dragons be resurrected again by Alduin? She still didn't know the answer to that. She should have asked Paarthurnax. But would he even know? He was never resurrected.

"In any case, I have good news, hopefully," Karliah interrupted her pondering with an enigmatic smile. "My contacts in Maven's operations have sent word recently. She is getting more and more furious about Mercer's insistence on keeping the bounty in effect. Apparently, she has asked him several times to call it off, but he refused. I suspect that she is close to cracking. One more 'incident' and she will surely withdraw her support and her funds."

"One more?" Aeyrin gave Karliah a weak smile. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed. She had hoped that there would be no more of this, but… one wasn't so bad… hopefully.

"Aeyrin, I know that it's hard for you to do this. I know that it's dangerous. But this is the best way to achieve our goals now and… the sooner we take Maven's support away from Mercer, the better," Karliah nodded at her encouragingly.

"I know… it's fine, Karliah."

"It's alright. You're allowed to complain," Karliah smirked. "Bishop, for one, grumbled at us for hours when he found out what we sent you to do."

Aeyrin couldn't help but let out a chuckle at that, despite her mood. "Bishop's always grumbling."

"True," Karliah laughed in response. It was rather refreshing that she, probably only she, never stopped herself awkwardly before saying Bishop's name in front of Aeyrin, never gave her that pitiful and concerned look. Aeyrin really appreciated her composure in all this. Everyone else was just acting strange.

"So, you think that, after one more, we'll have Maven's support back?" Aeyrin smiled at her hopefully. Karliah had made it clear several times just how useful the Black-Briar family is both in funds and in influence. Besides, they all but controlled Riften.

"Oh… no. That is not going to happen. Not now. Maven is… still very upset about our… misfortune at Lost Knife. We have cost her a fortune in men and equipment. She has practically turned back to Mercer out of spite. Now, she will see that his plans and his obsession with revenge only hurt her business. She will withdraw her support, but I do not expect her to offer it to us in turn. She simply won't have her people associated with those who would have you killed. You know, just in case you decide not to help her caravans the next time. But… her support for our cause is not as time sensitive as getting her away from Mercer," Karliah continued to explain. "We will find another way to actually bring her to our side again. One that does not put you through such an ordeal," she smiled at Aeyrin comfortingly.

"Why is getting her away from Mercer so time-sensitive?" Aeyrin scowled. Sure, it was useful, but Mercer had her support for ages. What was so urgent now?

"It's Thorn. His death has caused… a void, you might say. I assume that Bishop told you about Thorn? That he was used to scare the Guild members into submission. Mercer is, of course, capable of his own brutality, but everyone knows that the more his influence in the Guild wanes now, the more vulnerable his position will become. He is looking for an outside group to replace the bandits."

"Like who?" Aeyrin pondered. It seemed like Karliah had already destroyed so many of these connections for Mercer.

"Well… from the rumors I have gathered in the Guild, he is attempting to associate himself with the Dark Brotherhood. And Maven is said to have some… connections to that group," Karliah sighed with a forlorn look on her face.

"The Dark Brotherhood?!" Aeyrin gasped in horror. Was it really possible to recruit them to Mercer's side?

"Aye. You see the urgency now?" Karliah nodded somberly. "The funny thing is, one of the Guild members does a lot of side business with the Brotherhood. His connection could be used to approach them. But he keeps this information hidden from Mercer, just for this reason. Hopefully it will stay that way."

"You… you really think that they would agree to this? To the same deal that he had with Thorn?" Aeyrin cringed. She couldn't even imagine Mercer finding someone as vicious as Thorn to do his dirty work and remove all those who opposed him, but from what she had heard of the Brotherhood, they might be even worse.

"Honestly… no. No, I do not," Karliah shook her head with a deeply pondering expression on her face. "The Dark Brotherhood is… they are supposed to be answering to a… code of a sort. They follow a higher power. And they should not become some army of common brutes. But… Mercer was supposed to serve a higher power as well. He was supposed to be held to a higher standard. But… it appears that the hint of power at his fingertips has made him abandon that path and now he cares for nothing but his own interests. I no longer assume anyone to not be corruptible like that. With enough incentive, the Brotherhood might agree," she stared into the table for a long time with her brows creased deeply.

'Higher power'? What higher power did a group of ruthless assassins answer to? And for that matter, what higher power could someone like Mercer ever serve?

"What higher powers are you talking about?" Aeyrin prodded warily. If both Mercer and the assassins were in some warped cults, claiming to do the Divines' work, that would really be disheartening.

"The Brotherhood follows the will of Sithis and the Night Mother. They are bound by their tenants. But… I have no idea just how binding they consider this relation to be," Karliah explained.

Of course. Sithis. Night Mother. Aeyrin didn't know much about these… entities, but she knew enough. She knew they were evil to the core, abominations. For anyone to claim to have 'faith' when they followed them was an insult to people who actually sought purpose in the Divines' teachings.

"How can you call those a 'higher power'? To have a 'code'? They are no better than the Daedric Princes. They only lead people to make others suffer," Aeyrin spat out with disdain.

Karliah's eyes found hers and there was a strange hint of sadness and disappointment in them.

"Aye… it is… difficult to see, when all you know is the tales of suffering that their followers inflict on others. But… every faith, every belief, brings purpose and comfort. Things are… rarely black and white. Things are rarely as they seem at first sight. The worlds beyond Nirn are hidden in shadows and… not many are able to see through them," Karliah didn't look at her anymore. Her eyes were cast down. She barely even seemed to be talking directly to her anymore.

"This isn't faith! It's fanaticism! They are cults, corrupting vulnerable minds! It's no wonder that Mercer is the man he is now if he was looking for his 'purpose' in their twisted worship," Aeyrin growled angrily. It made a lot more sense now. Sithis, the Princes, all beings like that promised power to their followers. And as Karliah said herself, such power could corrupt anyone. No wonder he got used to claiming it by any means necessary. No wonder Mercer was used to walking over corpses to achieve his goals. She remembered Karliah mentioning that he owned the Skeleton Key. Now it was becoming clear how he obtained something like that. By swearing himself under the bootheel of a Daedric Prince.

"Aye… I understand, Aeyrin. I understand why you would say so, how your life and upbringing have led you to say so," Karliah sighed again. That sounded… almost apologetic of these fanatic behaviors. But Karliah was probably just regretful about how things in the Guild had turned out. It was surely just wistfulness in her voice. "What matters the most now, however, is eliminating the risk of Mercer making a deal with the Brotherhood, regardless of their… beliefs."

That was true enough.

"Yeah… you're right. So… what about the next caravan?" Aeyrin changed the subject. It was for the best. She was getting a bit angry during that discussion.

"Actually, now we wait. For a while at least. We cannot have Maven suspect us of actually sending you after the caravans. This still needs to look like a coincidence. As much as I would love to end things now, we must take every precaution this time," Karliah scowled. She was without a doubt still sour over how things went in Falkreath. "Maven will not be doing any favors for Mercer now when she is upset. We will bide our time for a bit and drive the last nail in the coffin of their partnership soon enough."

Well that was a relief at least. Aeyrin would get some respite from the mandatory dragons. That still didn't mean that she wouldn't run into any by accident.

"Raven will contact you when the time comes," finally a smile returned to Karliah's face and she nodded reassuringly.

Good. Just one more dragon after a brief respite. And then Aeyrin could focus on other things to do to help out. She pondered on it for a while. What did she do for Karliah to help? Her role seemed to always simply involve her going somewhere and 'being the Dragonborn'.

"Karliah?"

"Yes, Aeyrin?"

"What will I be doing after… after the dragons?" she gave her an uncertain look. She honestly started to wonder what Karliah could need her for. She was no good with subtle missions, that was for certain.

"I do not know yet. We will see how the situation develops," Karliah shrugged noncommittally. She always seemed to have some work for Bishop, and so many other operations going on in the meantime. Yet she had no plans for Aeyrin? She feared to be permanently cast as the 'token Dragonborn'. But now she just felt… useless. And she could probably use something to do to take her mind off the mess that her life had become.

"What's bothering you, Aeyrin?" Karliah interrupted her somber mood.

"Nothing… just… wondering if you'll even need me afterwards. I don't exactly have the skills that your operations need," Aeyrin sighed.

"I disagree. I have no one else who can do what you do. Besides, only a fool refuses willing help," Karliah smiled at her.

Of course… nobody else could kill dragons.

"It's just… you're not exactly running a dragon-slaying operation. Honestly I'm even surprised you needed to ask for my and Bishop's help in the first place. Didn't you build up a rivaling guild for all those years? I mean… the missions in Falkreath alone must have involved dozens of your people from… from what I gathered. I didn't exactly see the battle," Aeyrin stared at the table with uncertain bafflement. She understood that Karliah poached anyone that she could away from Mercer, but it was still odd that she would entrust so many integral missions to her and Bishop when she had people who had been loyal to her for years. She must have trusted those people more, right?

"Aye. I have plenty of loyal men and women. People I am eternally grateful for. But… they are those who I could find while Mercer's stranglehold on any thief, freelance or not, still persevered. They are… muscle, thugs. They are smugglers and fences and pickpockets. Who I never could get, were capable spies and infiltrators. Those I could recruit to my cause, I needed to keep in the Guild as my informants. It was only when Raven was… 'let go' that I gained someone who could do these kinds of missions reliably, aside from myself. Even with his… handicap, he is capable of 'talking' himself out of any trouble, could you believe that?" Karliah chuckled a bit and there seemed to be genuine fondness in her eyes. "He can be so charming that no one ever suspects him. And he can get any information I need."

Aeyrin smiled at her. Raven had been a valued spy for Mercer. She just never expected him to still be so skilled at it even without the ability to speak. It was beyond impressive.

"And when Raven informed me of what happened when you were captured by Mercer, I knew I could get two more unique allies. I could already see from how I lost Goldenglow that Bishop would be useful for my operations. He is an excellent infiltrator and he is quick to think on his feet. Many others would have been caught on the missions that I sent him on, but not him. He can improvise with surprising reason and caution even in the worst situations. And like I said, anyone else who would share these skills is now employed by Mercer."

That was true enough. But it only made Aeyrin feel more and more like she had nothing to offer among these people.

"But spies, thieves and burglars, as rare as they are for me to have in my employ, there are more of them elsewhere. But you are unique. Even Mercer knew the value of your political pull, even if you don't realize it. People need you on their side, they are terrified that you will choose to ignore them when their need is most dire. Maven is learning the implications of being on the opposing side right now," Karliah smiled at her brightly, as if she had just paid her a great compliment.

If it wasn't the dragons, it was politics. Everyone just needed the Dragonborn, as usual. But what did Aeyrin expect? It wasn't as if her battle prowess or healing would be valuable in a covert operation like this.

"Right… everyone needs the Dragonborn," she sighed a bit as she tried to give Karliah a weak smile.

"Is that not who you are?" Karliah smirked.

It was a complicated question. Aeyrin had been feeling more at ease with this part of her identity before, but it was still difficult to only ever be defined by it by others. But now… now, for some reason, it seemed like more of a burden than ever. She wasn't sure what made everything worse again, like it was in the beginning. She remembered feeling confident in her role, in her purpose, after she talked to Paarthurnax. Things were scary and uncertain, but… she knew that she could overcome much. Now she wasn't so sure.

She would rather forget that this whole Dragonborn thing had ever happened. But everyone needed her to be one, it seemed. Even the people that shouldn't have cared. Even Karliah's missions and outings with Azshan would drag her back to that part of her life. There was no respite from it anywhere.

This was not the elusive purpose that she wanted to find on her journey… it was like a curse.

"Yes… of course," Aeyrin nodded and forced a smile on her face. Everyone thought that they were being kind by saying these things to her – how unique and important the Dragonborn was. She didn't have it in her to argue with that anymore. It was not like anyone would understand.

Karliah looked at her uncertainly for a while but then she likely decided that it was best for her to return back to her work. She looked over her foreign scripts again and peered into them for a long time.

They spent some time in silence, both lost in their own thoughts, until Karliah interrupted the pensive mood: "Will you be staying the night?"

Aeyrin only nodded in response. It was very late already and some rest would do her good, no matter how uneasy. And at least she would be under a roof and by a warm fire.

Besides, she could have Raven's large bed all to herself.

…

Aeyrin had been travelling aimlessly for a couple of days.

As relieved as she was not to chase after dragons again, she found herself with no real destination. She hadn't been in the best of moods after the week that she'd had – the Companions' suspicious behavior, the confrontation with Saadia and the realization of her uselessness to most people beyond her being the Dragonborn. But, then again, it was not like she even remembered the last time when she was actually in a good mood for longer than a few measly hours.

She had almost forgotten how lonely this aimless wandering could get. She usually at least had a lead on some quest or a dungeon to occupy herself with, but this time, she didn't. And if she were to be honest with herself, she wasn't even in a mood for adventuring. Instead the days passed surprisingly fast although they were filled with nothing. In a way, she wanted to fill her time with something that would make her feel more… useful, more occupied. But then again, Raven would contact her eventually.

So she waited.

She camped out in the wilderness of Whiterun Hold and western Rift, living off the supplies that she had bought in Whiterun. It took four days devoid of anything really happening before a familiar courier tracked her down with a letter. It seemed strange to be contacted this soon, but she was a bit grateful for it. She needed a destination and apparently, she was unable to provide one for herself in her current mood.

Much to her surprise, however, the message was not from Raven:

.

Sweetness, can we meet? I wanted to talk to you. I'll be at the Nightgate Inn.

Bishop

.

Well… what difference was it who provided the diversion from this lethargy? She still felt a bit bitter about him telling Lydia or Saadia, or whichever one of them, about everything that had happened in Falkreath. She didn't appreciate being confronted like that and she certainly didn't appreciate being ambushed by Saadia like that and forced to listen to her talk about things that she had no desire to even think of.

But at least she could confront him about this. Maybe make her feelings on this clear, lest he decides to discuss things with anyone else. He was suddenly so talkative with people. Too bad he didn't show her the same courtesy before.

And maybe, after she would ensure that the issue is made clear, he might… provide a different distraction. A much better one than any adventure could. It certainly made her feel somewhat better the last time. If only for a while. It felt awful leaving him again, but she had to. And the whole night reassured her that she needed to pull herself back up again. Or at least try to.

She should head out towards the inn right away.

…

Bishop was sitting by the table, staring into his half-empty tankard.

He could have just sent Jora's letter without meeting Aeyrin, but the temptation to see her, no matter the outcome, was always too hard to resist. And he couldn't deny that he was getting worried about her – about the way she ignored everyone, including Therien. Bishop would understand if she actually ignored him, for everything he had done to her and how he broke the trust between them, but this was baffling.

He had no idea how to even talk about any of this with her anymore. It was never as easy as it used to be. But hopefully, the less he was overthinking this, the better.

The inn was almost empty. There was only an old Orc patron staying there, but he mostly spent time in the basement. Bishop saw him scribbling something vigorously into a book whenever he went down there for a bath. Other than that, the tavern was quiet. There wasn't even a bard squawking around, not that he minded. On occasion, a Stormcloak soldier or two snuck in for a quick drink, but luckily they left Bishop alone. So did the innkeeper, for that matter.

But while Bishop didn't really feel like talking to anyone, sitting there in silence did get boring rather soon.

Luckily, Karnwyr was always up for some hunting around the area.

They even ventured all the way to Fort Fellhammer. Thankfully it still stood empty after he and Aeyrin had decimated the refinery there. Other than that, Bishop brought in plenty of meat and sold it right to the innkeeper. It paid for his whole stay and then some. And he had some pelts to make up for at least a fraction of the money that he had spent on freeing Ambarys. A miniscule fraction, really. That was a lot of money.

Eventually, on this long and boring day, the front door of the inn opened and Bishop's head snapped back towards it instantly. There had already been too many times when he thought that she was finally there, only to see one of the soldiers stumbling inside.

Luckily, this time, that wasn't the case.