Chapter XX – Trust

"Did the Nord manage to get their numbers?"

The Khajiit sitting across him questioned him further while she scribbled everything down on a parchment. She didn't even look up at him.

Bishop had returned from his investigative mission only an hour ago and the contact, the Khajiit woman, already interrogated him for all the possible details on Jaree-Ra's current operations and plans. At first Bishop was pretty uncomfortable with discussing this right in the common room of the Four Shields tavern, but the Khajiit had insisted. Apparently it was important for her cover. She'd been monitoring the situation in Haafingar by pretending to be some author, gathering travelers' stories. She'd basically been questioning everyone who passed through Dragon Bridge under those pretenses. The assumption was that anyone running an operation outside of Solitude to avoid Karliah would generally resupply basic necessities in the village. The Khajiit then ensured that she knew about everything and everyone that happened upon the small community there. It was rather effective, since it led them to Jaree'Ra's new hideout. And now she pretended to pester Bishop in the same way.

As uncomfortable as he was with discussing this there, the woman seemed to know what she was doing – no one paid any attention to them since they were all used to her interest in strangers and the tavern was overcrowded with the residents of a nearby soldier outpost. Even if someone wanted to listen in on them, they would have a hard time doing it subtly due to the noise in that place.

In any case, he had much less to report than he had expected. The operation barely deserved to be called that way. It was more like a smuggler refuge. Bishop was pretty sure that there were more impressive business deals going on behind every inn's counter. But at least that made the mission easy. Nobody there even expected to be investigated by an invisible infiltrator and he hardly had need of the backup force. Now it was up to Karliah to decide what to do with the smugglers.

"There were exactly eleven of them," Bishop rolled his eyes at the woman. This interrogation was getting tiresome. He wasn't supposed to let his presence be known at all, meaning he couldn't steal any documents or logs. He had to relay everything that he had found. It was annoying. Especially since he had other things on his mind.

"Any full records of the members? Some may have been out of the hideout then," the Khajiit pondered.

"It's a group of thugs and smugglers, not fucking military," Bishop scowled at her. Who the fuck would keep a record of all the people joined in a smuggler ring? Well… that was probably a stupid question. He knew who would. Karliah would.

"Khajiit finds the Nord too cranky. Have another drink," she smirked at him and snapped her fingers in the direction of the bar. The innkeeper only nodded absentmindedly in response.

Well… it was not like he would say 'no' to a drink.

He still couldn't stop thinking about his encounter with Casavir. He kept going over everything – over what he actually knew about what happened to Elisie, over what happened during Aeyrin's poisoning in Solitude and over everything the paladin said to him after the dragon battle.

He couldn't help but feel like… maybe Casavir wasn't exactly lying.

Maybe.

He was still a fucking asshole! He was the one to drive Elisie away with his talk. That fucking tin-head took away the only actual family that could have been worth a damn to Bishop! It was not like these little details made him into the saint that he pretended to be.

But… maybe he didn't actually poison Aeyrin.

It would have hardly mattered at this point, if it wasn't for the issue of the real culprit. He couldn't fathom who could have done this, but he knew that there was a chance that it could have been Azshan. If Bishop was supposed to be framed, it would have made sense that Azshan would actually provide him with a way to get inside the Castle.

He couldn't be sure if it was him though. For one, what was the motive there? Aeyrin? Getting rid of Bishop to have her to herself? That hardly made sense with Casavir constantly around. Besides, if he wanted her so much that he would do all of this, wouldn't he have tried something when she saw him in the Reach? She was alone there and Bishop suspected that she had told Azshan that they were no longer together. Wouldn't that present a much better opportunity than back at the Castle?

But maybe he did try something and Aeyrin just didn't tell Bishop.

In fact… maybe something actually happened between them and she didn't tell him. She really had no reason to tell him.

For fuck's sake stop thinking about that!

This was pointless to ponder on. It only made him more miserable.

The main thing was that he had to tell Aeyrin. She needed to know about this, even if he had no sure way to know who had really done this to her back in Solitude. Who knew what they could try next for whatever reason. And since she was still seeing Azshan on occasion, she needed to be careful around him, or better yet, avoid him altogether. Just in case.

But after what happened at Nightgate Inn, Bishop wasn't sure if she'd ever even want to see him again. And even if she did, why would she ever believe him while he spat dirt on her old friend? She would just think that he was being petty and jealous, trying to alienate her from any potential threats to their relationship… or whatever was left of it.

Maybe he was just jealous. Who knew anymore? He was so convinced about everything he knew about that tin-head too and yet… now it all seemed different.

The innkeeper interrupted his agonizing thoughts by placing another tankard of mead right in front of him with a rather loud clank. The Khajiit gave him an encouraging wink as she held her quill in hand expectantly. She obviously wanted to continue her questioning.

But before she posed him another question, they were interrupted once again, this time by the familiar courier. The man must have already remembered Bishop, he didn't even ask his name anymore. It was still baffling how this very man was the only one ever delivering his letters, but it was no longer a surprise.

Bishop received a small folded parchment before the courier bowed slightly and rushed off again.

.

Bishop,

I'm sorry. I know I overreacted and I shouldn't have taken things out on you. If you're willing, I'd like to see you. I'll be around Ivarstead for a while now, maybe adventuring in the area. I'm sure you can track me down if you want to.

Love, Aeyrin

.

"Good news, yes? The Nord looks much less cranky now," the Khajiit's amused tone tore him away from the letter.

Bishop threw her a somewhat annoyed look, but he couldn't really hide the small smile on his lip.

"Yeah… good news," he mumbled to himself. "Let's just get this over with. You have any other questions? I have somewhere to be."

…

Aeyrin poked a stick into the campfire lazily, waiting for the stew in the pot above to finally be edible.

Her meals have definitely lost a lot of luster since she had to make them herself. She even tried to mimic Bishop's cooking once, but it became instantly obvious that she wasn't exactly paying enough attention to what he was actually doing all those times she watched him cook for them.

This was the third night since she sent that letter. She camped outside every time, even though Ivarstead was very nearby. She wanted to avoid a scene if at all possible – Bishop was right about their conversations being unpredictable. And also, she just wanted to be alone with him in the wilderness. She missed it too much. Even though she knew that this time it would likely not be as pleasant as it used to be. He might be angry with her for how she behaved. He might just be tired of all this.

Or he might never show up at all.

That would have been the worst option. She wasn't sure how many days she should wait before she gave up, but even thinking about it made her feel bad. She wasn't even really sure what she wanted from him. She knew that she would leave again. Things deteriorated too easily, and she still feared that one of her moods would cause irreparable damage to their relationship. If it hadn't already.

But she just wanted to see him and make sure he knew that she didn't really mean everything she had said to him back at the inn. She should have been glad that he worried about her rather than snapping at him.

And maybe… if things went well, she wanted to spend another night in his arms. It was a much needed touchstone, even if it only made leaving harder the next day.

But that all depended on him actually showing up.

She let out another deep sigh and poked into the fire again. Even the food took too long. She was getting so impatient.

Almost another half-hour passed before she heard a loud rustle of leaves near her small secluded camp. It wasn't the first time that night and it always made her all too hopeful only to be disappointed by a nocturnal bird or a critter a moment later.

This time, however, there was no disappointment following.

A second later, none other than Karnwyr emerged from the thicket, running towards her excitedly. He instantly jumped at her and started to affectionately lick at her face while his paws pushed against her shoulders. He almost toppled her to the ground.

She returned his attention with a pleased giggle and nuzzled into his thick fur. He was so warm, such a contrast to the cold night air. Even the fire didn't generate that much heat.

She heard the leaves rustle loudly again, but she was unwilling to part from Karnwyr. He still occasionally licked her cheek or nuzzled his face into hers and his whole body was pressing against her, warming her pleasantly. The wolf only stopped cuddling her when Bishop's amused snort echoed from nearby. He jumped off of her again and lazily curled by her side with his face lying gently against her leg.

She rubbed the wolf's head absentmindedly as she looked up at Bishop with a wry expression. He had a surprisingly affectionate smile on his face as he watched her and Karnwyr reunite.

"Hey," she nodded at him uncertainly.

"Hey," he smirked a little at the awkwardness between them before he sat himself down by the fire.

"I wasn't sure you'd come," she mumbled a bit and concentrated intently on rubbing Karnwyr behind his ears to avoid too much eye contact with Bishop.

"Of course you weren't, after leaving instructions like that?" Bishop gave her an accusing grin, shaking his head.

"What? You call yourself a tracker? I even gave you an area to look through," she let out a subdued snicker. She couldn't be sure when he'd get the letter and camping in the same spot every night wasn't safe. She really doubted that finding her was a challenge for him, especially with Karnwyr's help.

Bishop snorted at her with amusement and shook his head. He didn't say anything more though and silence started to loom over them uncomfortably.

"I'm… I'm sorry. I really am," Aeyrin sighed after a while. She had already apologized in the letter, but it still felt like she should say it. She wasn't exactly sorry for getting angry about Bishop's meddling. She still believed that he could have approached things differently. But… her reaction was hardly proportionate. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I… I don't know what's gotten into me," she avoided his eyes and concentrated on Karnwyr again.

"Yeah… well…" Bishop sighed as well. He didn't seem any more willing to look at her than she was at him. "I'm sorry too. You know, for trying to barricade you in that room," he scoffed a little at his own words.

There was another moment of silence before they both instinctively looked at each other at last. It took a while, but eventually they shared an understanding smile.

"I didn't expect to find you out here, to be honest. Not with a warm tavern not even an hour away," Bishop gave her a curious expression as he started to finally unbuckle his armor after the long day of walking.

"I just… wanted to avoid that after last time," she bit her lower lip in embarrassment.

Bishop wondered if she was talking about the scene her exit caused or about before, when they got chastised for being too loud. Was she implying that something like that might happen again? He should really not think about that though… it would only lead to disappointment.

"So… what are you making?" he asked curiously after he was done removing his armor, leaving only the leather boots along with his clothing. He leaned forward towards the fire and removed the lid from the pot suspended above it on a prop stick.

"Nothing good," she rolled her eyes in annoyance. None of her food could ever compare to his, even before he took those lessons from Lydia.

"Looks good," he shrugged.

"Not as good as you would make it," she smiled at him wryly in response.

"Well that goes without saying," he smirked at her. "But it does look good. I always liked it when you used to cook when we camped."

"Yeah right," she rolled her eyes at him with a slight giggle. "You were always better at it."

"Obviously," he snickered. "But I still liked it." It was no wonder he did. Most of the time while she was busy preparing food, he occupied himself with distracting her to the best of his abilities.

Bishop rummaged in his pack for a bit for a spoon and tasted the stew tentatively. He nodded with a pondering expression, as if he was already thinking up ideas on improving the food.

"Oh good, you're taking over," she smirked and pointedly curled herself down on the ground, cuddling up to Karnwyr. She was hoping for this. Now she could just relax and warm herself up with the help of his thick fur, knowing that there would be a more delicious meal than she could have ever made.

With a light chuckle, Bishop started to fiddle with the food, adding some of the few spices he carried around and constantly tasting it. When he was satisfied with the result, he sat back down and let the meal cook on its own while he watched her and Karnwyr cuddle up by the fire.

Fuck how he missed evenings like this. If only he could just enjoy the calm without thinking about what would follow. He still needed to tell her about the poisoning. And he needed to tell her that there was a chance that it was Azshan, so that she knew to be wary around him, just in case, knowing full well that he will likely just come out as a petty jealous idiot. Or in a worse case, she'd just get angry again.

But he really didn't want to agonize over it anymore. He just wanted to enjoy the moment of peace between them.

Aeyrin sat up again after a while with a pleased smile on her face. She inhaled the scent of the food before leaning above the fire and checking up on the progress in the pot.

That was when Bishop noticed something glint against the light right below her breasts.

"The amulet. You bought a new one?" he raised his brows at her in surprise.

"No… someone gave it to me," she looked down on the amulet of Stendarr dangling from her neck wistfully.

Bishop smirked at that. It was hardly surprising. "Don't tell me another one of your admirers is showering you in trinkets again. I hope you remember who did that first. They're just trying to copy me," he chuckled a bit, but he still worried that his tone carried a bit more jealousy than he wished. He couldn't help wondering who would give her something like that. Hopefully she didn't see Azshan again.

Aeyrin giggled at him coyly and gave him a mischievous wink. "You're worried about nothing. I got it from a paladin," she grinned. She knew that this would get a rise out of him.

"Ugh! Seriously?! You're just saying that to piss me off," Bishop narrowed his eyes at her with suspicion.

"No. I really did get it from a paladin. A Vigilant of Stendarr," she snickered again, but she decided not to torment him any longer. "I doubt that it had anything to do with 'admiration' though. I'm sure he carries hundreds around to pass them to every lost soul he stumbles upon."

Instead of being reassured by her words, his brows creased even more, but now in worry rather than annoyance. "You're a lost soul?"

"I… may have looked like it at the time," Aeyrin sighed. She didn't elaborate any further and picked up the stick lying on the ground next to her before she began poking into the fire again idly with a faraway look.

There was a long moment of silence between them. The only sounds disturbing the calm night was the crackling of the fire and rustling of the leaves.

"Speaking of paladins…" Bishop murmured almost inaudibly with a subdued sigh. "I… uh… ran into Casavir."

Aeyrin looked up at him instantly and her brows shot up in surprise. A second later, her eyes narrowed. "What'd you do to him?" her voice took up the very familiar chastising tone.

"Nothing!" he said defensively. "Not for the lack of trying," his next words were grumbled almost silently. "That's… that's not the important part. I talked to him about something… kinda."

"What? Without fighting?" Aeyrin scoffed at him dubiously.

"I didn't say that," he smirked, but his serious expression returned soon enough. "It was… weird. He kept insisting that he didn't do anything to you back in Solitude…"

"I told you he didn't," she interrupted him, scowling. She still didn't believe that Casavir poisoned her for any other reason than his stupid vengeance on Bishop. She really doubted that he had done anything else to her while she was helpless. She really didn't want to think about that.

"No… not like that… the poisoning. I told him that I knew he confessed, but he said that he had no choice. That he didn't do it," Bishop sighed.

Aeyrin mulled over his words for a while. Even back then she didn't want to believe Casavir capable of poisoning her for petty revenge, but after she had found him with that woman, talking about those 'plans', there was little doubt about it.

"I know what you overheard in that mansion. But… he sounded kinda… convincing. I don't know. It's possible that there's more to this," he gave her an uncertain expression and watched her stare into the fire, deep in thought.

"I… guess. But the conversation I overheard was pretty… damning. But… I guess there could have been more to it," she shrugged after a while. Honestly, it was a somewhat comforting thought. She liked Casavir and thought that he was a good man before all that. Saying that she was disappointed with the development back in Solitude would be an understatement. Though it was rather strange that Bishop even told her about this at all. Was this another attempt at full honesty from him? "You're surprisingly eager to defend him."

"Trust me, sweetness, I'm not doing it for his benefit," he sighed deeply. He was definitely more content with his certainty of Casavir's twisted character. This was bothering him significantly more, if only for the uncertainty regarding both the poisoning and what happened to Elisie. "My point is… if he didn't do it, someone else did."

"But who? I have no idea who would even want to poison me. The only people who wish me harm… well… I guess someone going after the bounty could have gotten into the Castle too… but… why wouldn't they just kill me?" she pondered worriedly.

"Yeah… it wouldn't have made sense to just leave you incapacitated like that," he nodded slowly before taking a deep breath. "Listen, it could be anyone, I know that, but I was thinking… if someone wanted to frame me for it, well… back when they convicted me, they found the map to the Castle and they knew I got there through the kitchens."

"Yeah," she nodded. She knew what happened, but it still didn't explain a thing.

"I told you before that it was Azshan's idea for me to infiltrate the Castle. We… didn't really get into it more at the meadery, but… he was the one that gave me that map and showed me the entrance."

Her eyes went wide at him in shock and he quickly started to talk her down. He knew that she wouldn't believe it. "Look, I know how it sounds, coming from me. But I promise, I'm not making this up."

"What? Why would you be making this up?" she gave him a baffled look.

"W-well… I thought… you would think I was just… I don't know… trying to pin this on him."

"Because you're jealous?" she scoffed with a surprisingly amused tone in her voice.

"I'm not jealous! I just… I thought you would think that I am. And… I never told you about the map before and… look, I get that I'm probably not the most trustworthy person to you now, but…" he stammered uncharacteristically nervously. He really expected her to start yelling at him right away because she would think that he was lying.

"Bish, stop. I believe you," she chuckled lightly, but her brows were still creased. "I just… someone could have seen you in the kitchens and then they found the things in your pack. It could have been a coincidence. I… why would Azshan do this to me? I can't imagine what he could have gotten out of it."

"I have no idea. And you're right, maybe it was a coincidence that I got blamed for it. I just… when I went over that day they convicted me again… it… seemed like it could have been staged," he shrugged uncertainly.

"Yeah," she nodded and returned to staring into the fire again. It seemed strange, all that evidence and the conviction was really too convenient. And then there was that 'tip' about the kitchens from some random thane… what did she have to do with all this? None of it made sense. But it could have all really just fallen into place like this. Some of the workers could have been working for that Thane and told her about seeing Bishop. It wasn't that out of the realm of possibility. It definitely made more sense to her just then than Azshan doing something so awful to her for no reason at all.

"I know that nothing's certain with this, but… I just needed to tell you. In case I really got framed by him, you need to be careful around him. I don't know why he would do this, but… you can't be sure that he wouldn't do something again, for whatever reason. You already know that he's not exactly a pious paladin," Bishop scoffed disdainfully.

She nodded absentmindedly. It was true, she did find out quite recently that Azshan was likely not adverse to doing something that went against the Order's rules and values. But she had no idea about his reasons with the Forsworn and she had no idea about his reasons for poisoning her. No. It couldn't have been him. There was no motive behind this at all. Why would he even want Bishop framed? It was clear that he didn't think of Aeyrin as anything more than a friend now, wasn't it? So what would be the point in it?

"I… it's something to consider, at least. Thank you for telling me," she nodded, but she couldn't hide her crestfallen expression. Azshan was her friend. He was one of the best things about her time in the temple. She always thought that he felt the same. Why would he hurt her like that? Not just with the poison, but pinning this on Bishop when he knew how much she cared about him. She really doubted that this was some lingering jealousy at play. She definitely didn't think him that vicious or possessive. Besides, he told her himself that his affections waned a long time ago. She was sure that this couldn't have been him.

"I was really worried that you wouldn't believe me," Bishop let out another sigh with a hint of relief in it.

"Really?" she gave him a weak smile. It was pretty cute how insecure he got over it.

"I mean, let's face it, sweetness, I'm probably the last person you would trust after… after everything," he let out a defeated sigh, shaking his head regretfully.

"Yeah," she nodded. That was technically true. But that look on his face was heartbreaking. "You know, I thought the same thing, actually. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't trust you with anything you say after… after everything. But… then when it comes down to it, I do trust you. I didn't think that you were actually lying, not even for a second. When I try to think about it, I rationalize that I should take everything you say with a grain of salt, but… I never do. It doesn't even occur to me," she shrugged. As stupid and naïve as it probably was, she couldn't help but feel like she would know if he was lying. Even though she didn't before.

Bishop gave her a brief genuine smile, but his expression turned somber again soon enough. "You know, lying to you, keeping all that shit from you, it was killing me. I was on the verge of telling you everything all the fucking time. I only stopped myself because I thought that it would keep you safe," he scoffed at himself.

"I understand, Bishop. It's not like I'm thrilled about how you handled things, but… I always understood. It was a horrible situation. And honestly, I have no idea what I would have done in your place. Divines know that I tried to 'help' you by keeping things from you before too. You… you couldn't have known what would happen," she avoided his eyes again, poking into the fire. Karnwyr nuzzled into her flank in half-sleep, as if he could sense the morose atmosphere and tried to ease it.

"Yeah… it was a fucking shitty situation," he sighed sullenly.

There was another long moment of silence between them. Aeyrin still stared into the fire, deep in thought while Bishop watched her with a conflicted expression. He tried to convince himself to stay silent. He knew how fast things could turn bad between them, but… he couldn't help himself. He had to at least try and talk to her.

"Listen, princes, I… I don't want to push you into anything. But… stewing all that shit inside you, it's… not good. I should know," he sighed. Now he was the one avoiding her eyes. He silently braced himself for the possible outburst of anger, but instead she just nodded absentmindedly, still staring into the flames.

"I know," she whispered. Of course she knew that avoiding talking or even thinking about how much her life turned around after Falkreath, how lost she felt, it didn't help anything. But she couldn't help herself. Every time she imagined her life getting back to normal, being happy again, the thoughts got quickly replaced by new scenarios of how everything could get even worse. How the enemies she made in this venture would come back for her, with even more vicious determination than before. How her relationship with Bishop would crumble under the weight of the repressed anger and suspicion. How the memories and nightmares would never leave her. "It's… it's just…"

"Yeah. It's hard. I know. And it's too easy to fall into denial about everything. I did that all the time. But… after I met you, after I was able to tell you about the shit I always kept to myself, it… it did get better. I never really felt… free from my past before," he smiled at her encouragingly, but he suspected that it came out less convincing than he had hoped. It was freeing to tell her about everything – about Jules, and even about Thorn. If only he could claim to be really free from all that. But with Mercer and that bounty still looming over them, that was a far cry from the truth.

She nodded and stayed silent for a little while again. He almost gave up on the subject once more. At least she didn't get mad this time. But as he started to focus on the food in the pot, taking it off the fire and rummaging in his pack for his bowl to add to hers by the fire, she let out a sad sigh and looked up at him.

"The worst part is… to know how much of a hold those scums have on my life. I mean… Mercer doesn't deserve to have me agonizing over his plans. Thorn doesn't deserve to still have a place in my thoughts. And… no offence, but neither does what you did. But it still feels like it's overtaking my life constantly," she spat with disdain.

"I know. I told you what Thorn said to me, right? That I'd never be free of him. He was right. He was always this looming presence over everything. There was always that thought that if he wanted, he could turn everything into a nightmare. Even when he's dead he still manages to fuck up my life," Bishop scoffed hatefully. "But… you know, the only way to finally get rid of him is to move on with your life."

"I wish it were that easy," she shook her head mournfully.

"Yeah. Just… I know that things turn shitty between us too easily. But, even if they do, if you ever want to talk to someone…" he chuckled a little nervously at his own cheesiness. Fuck, when did he start getting so mushy around her?

She smiled at him gratefully. It was sweet of him, but she didn't really want to think about any of this anymore. She knew that maybe she should, but… she didn't want it to ruin the night further. Instead, she decided to enjoy this time with Bishop when they were finally not fighting or hurting each other.

She contemplated sitting closer to him, to feel his comforting warmth next to her, but Karnwyr looked too content with his head nested in her lap. Instead she inclined her head to the ground next to herself with a demure smile.

Bishop eagerly got up and moved to sit beside her. She leaned herself onto him a bit and nuzzled her head into his neck for a brief moment. "Can I just stay in my denial for tonight?" she smirked a little weakly. It wasn't really a question. She'd already decided.

With a slight chuckle he leaned his head to the side and planted a kiss into her hair.

"Sure, love."