Time for Sango's first day of the third exam! What rough challenges will she have to go through in order to come out victorious? And will she have the strength to face them head-on?
Hellraiserphoenix: So, so many things can go wrong. So many.
Aakareo Kokokuhikari: Swift Swim. It's a pokemon ability that doubles the pokemon's speed when it's raining. So Sango used her Castform to turn the weather into rain, letting Marion's Mantine swim twice as fast.
Draisen: Yes. This is Sango's personal arc. Don't worry, it won't go on too long.
Pokemonking0924: Nah, the exam is pretty straightforward, Petal doesn't have to do a whole lot. The difficult part comes into play when we get into what, exactly, "surviving" entails.
Pokemon Academy: Beginning of Beginnings
Chapter 114
It had taken her several hours of work, but Sango had finally managed to craft a suitable lean-to built for two people out of fallen branches, large leaves, and a conveniently toppled-over trunk to serve as a buffer. By the time she had managed to construct their shelter, her hunger had become a distant thought, shoved out of her mind by her fatigue and exhaustion from the long day. After working her brain to the extremes in the morning, then her body in the afternoon and night, Sango felt like she could die. And she more or less wanted to. She collapsed on a bed of brush, and glanced at Marion's silhouette, cast from the dark flames. Somehow, that girl wasn't tired at all, and was still fishing happily.
Well, at least she can relax, was the thought that comforted Sango as she drifted off to sleep, holding Silver tightly in her grasp.
Sango awoke the next morning feeling sore, tired, and hungry. Sitting up felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach, the curl up causing her to ache.
"Oh, god," she muttered, rising to her feet and stumbling out of the leafy shelter, wincing at the morning sun.
"Sango!" Marion cheered, glancing back at her. She was STILL perched beside the lake. Had she even gone to sleep last night?
"Hey…" Sango yawned, cricking her neck. Silver mimicked her yawn, floating up beside her. She took a few steps forward, and stumbled, holding her stomach in pain.
"Sango!" Marion said, setting her fishing pole down (but not dropping it, instead taking care to prop it upright, Sango bitterly noted) and ran to her side. "You okay?"
"Urff…" Sango grunted, shaking her head. "It's been days… since I last ate… nothing on the plane… nothing yesterday… haven't eaten since dinner… before we left…"
"Well, you're in luck!" Marion said, smiling. "I've handled the breakfast problem already!"
"Really?" Sango brightened, looking around. But there weren't any berries in sight. "Where…?"
"Right here, silly," Marion said, holding up two Goldeen that struggled against the fishing lines hooking them in. Sango coughed, sitting up in shock.
"What… what are you talking about?" Sango asked, confused.
"I'm talking about breakfast, obviously," Marion said, staring at her like she was confused. "You went to bed before I could catch us dinner, so I made sure to get our breakfast!"
"But… but those are pokemon!" Sango cried. "What… you can't be serious!"
"Uh, yeah, of course I am?" Marion said, looking at Sango in confusion. "It's delicious!"
"I thought… I thought you like fish pokemon?" Sango said, her face pale with disgust. "Are you seriously going to eat them? I thought… I thought you wanted to be a Pokemon Conservationist! What the hell are you doing, killing pokemon for food? That's… that's awful!"
Marion's expression darkened and she glared at Sango.
"I love fish pokemon. From each tiny Magikarp to every giant Wailord," Marion answered. "But don't you dare tell me that I can't eat fish and love them at the same time. Tell me, Sango, you love pokemon, right? So that's why you're saying you won't eat this Goldeen? Then does that mean you don't eat meat?"
"Huh?" Sango blinked momentarily. "What are you talking about?"
"Only vegetables and fruit, right? No meat at all," Marion clarified. "I'm sorry, I had no idea."
"No, no, I eat meat," Sango said, shaking her head. "But that's not the same thing as-"
"As what?" Marion interrupted her. She brought the flapping fish pokemon closer to Sango's face, her expression hardened with conviction. Sango leaned back, clearly uncomfortable, but Marion was insistent.
"You just said you eat meat, didn't you?" Marion asked. "The meat in a hamburger is just pokemon meat anyway, you know? So what's the difference? Are you saying that you'll stuff your face with all the pokemon meat you want when it comes in a nicely wrapped package, but when it comes to killing it yourself that's where you draw the line?"
"I… I want to be a Pokemon Ranger!" Sango replied. "I can't… I won't hurt a pokemon!"
Marion stared at Sango for a long time, before slapping her across the face. Sango fell over into the grass, stunned, Marion rising to her feet.
"I really expected more out of you," she muttered, shaking her head. "I guess all that talk about your dreams was really just the naïve rambling of a child."
Marion knelt down next to the burned-out fire pit and rolled out a heavy, blooded cloth, placing one of the flopping Goldeen down on it. Holding the pokemon in place with one hand, she slowly drew a long knife out of the bag at her waist, holding the blade perpendicular to the fish pokemon's scales. With a sharp, bold "Schlick" sound that made Sango wretch, the older girl cleanly severed the pokemon's head from its body, the Goldeen flopping around a few seconds more before falling silent. Marion continued to prepare the fish in silence, lighting the fire back up with some matches. A few minutes later, grilled Goldeen meat was being roasted on a stick for her breakfast.
The scent of the delicious fish was slowly overriding the aroma of fish guts that had overpowered the clearing, much to Sango's chagrin. She sat up to try and leave, but the hunger was really starting to get to her now, especially with the delicious smell wafting up into her nose.
"Silver, can you please… go find me some berries?" Sango whispered, the desperation on her face palpable.
"Cast," Silver said, nodding desperately, floating off into the forest to go seek out food for his partner. Even so, Sango suspected that a handful of berries would probably only abate the ache in her guts a little bit.
Marion watched this evenly, keeping her eyes on Sango while she ate.
Sango's stomach made another insistent gurgle, and she pressed against it harder as if that would somehow calm it down. She glanced hungrily toward Marion, who calmly stared back at her.
"I… I'm sorry…" Sango muttered, her mouth salivating in spite of her disgust. "Please… I won't… say anything… so can I please have some…?"
"…Of course," Marion said, walking over to Sango as she chewed on a darkened piece of meat. She dropped the other Goldeen at Sango's feet, and then tossed the fishing knife down beside it.
"Take as much as you need."
Sango's face turned pale and her hands started shaking. She looked into the bright eyes of the flopping fish and felt like gagging. This… this wasn't right. This was a wild pokemon. Something with its own thoughts, its own mind, its own personality. She couldn't… she couldn't just kill it. She wanted to be a ranger, she couldn't kill and eat a pokemon, even if it meant starving. She wouldn't!
"Do you think a ranger is something so pretty you can dress it up with words like 'helping everybody' and 'never hurting pokemon'?" Marion asked her.
"Wh-what?"
"You said your dream was to become a pokemon ranger like your mother, isn't that right? Are you really telling me you never thought about what that might entail? You never even considered that being a ranger would mean having to do whatever it takes to survive?" Marion knelt down and turned Sango's palm up, slapping the hilt of the knife into her hand and closing her fingers around it. She stared Sango in the eyes, willing her to take the next step. But… but she wouldn't! She just couldn't! It… it was wrong! This is a pokemon!
"I… I can do it!" Sango replied, the knife slipping from her shaking hands. "I can survive… without having to hurt anyone, I-"
"You think you can just eat some berries and twigs and everything will be fine?" Marion asked. "Well sure. It's only three days. People can go without food for three days. Just eating some berries and you're sure to make it. But is survival enough? Look at you. Two days without food and you already can barely stand. Even with some berries to tide you over, there's no way you can get enough energy from them to actually pass this test. You know I'm right, don't you?"
Sango swallowed, her mouth feeling very dry. Marion, ditz that she seemed, was actually right. With the amount of food Sango regularly consumed to maintain her energy… there was no way that berries would be enough right now. She was so low-energy she could barely walk. She… she needed to…
She swallowed. An image of her mother's smiling face flashed through her mind.
"I… I can't."
"Then let's go," Marion said softly. "I'll take you back, and you can go home."
"N-no…"
"If you go tromping through the woods like this, you could end up dying. I'm not letting that happen."
"B-but…"
"If you don't want to quit, then eat and get your strength up," Marion said, handing her the knife again, more insistently this time. "Until now, you've just been playing at being a ranger. This is the point where you have to decide if that's true or not."
"I-I haven't been playing! I seriously-"
"That's wrong," Marion interrupted. "What have they been teaching you in that 'Pokemon Survival' club? How to make fire? How to craft shelters? Read water routes, judge direction by the sun? But in all those lessons, they still haven't ingrained in you what it really means to survive."
Marion glanced down at the fish pokemon flopping beside them.
"Survival means you do what it takes. Because you know that if it's not you that's going to make it, then it will be the other person. You're a nice girl, Sango. But you said it yourself, you grew up in Castelia City. You're just a city girl, who's never had to go more than a few hours without having access to abundant food and water. I'm guessing you've only ever gone camping with enough provisions to last your trip, yeah? But that isn't preparing you for a damn thing. At the end of the day… you're just a little girl dressing up in mommy's clothes."
That was it. The knife dropped from her fingers and with all the strength she had left, Sango lunged forward and slapped Marion. It barely left a mark in her weakened state, and Sango fell over, spit falling from her lips. Her stomach was probably hurting more than her slap had hurt the other girl.
"Don't you… talk about my mother…" Sango growled. "She… she was an amazing woman! The best ranger in the world! She… she loved pokemon, all pokemon! She worked hard every day to bring smiles to the faces of everyone she came into contact with, she-"
"In all her years as a ranger, do you think your mother never killed a pokemon before?" Marion demanded.
"N-no, of course not, she…" Sango saw her mother's smiling face again. But now, she was picturing her hands, stained in blood. "She wouldn't, she…"
"Being a pokemon ranger is not an easy life," Marion continued. "Even you should know something like that. But then… you've never really had to try and seriously survive, have you?"
Marion crossed her legs and leaned back, taking a more comfortable pose as she looked past the prone Sango and at the lake behind her.
"When I was a girl… I was holding a fishing rod before I even learned to walk." She stared wistfully at the calm waters as memories of her childhood flashed back. "I remember… sitting on my father's lap, staring out at the bright blue ocean as he fished off the side of his rickety old boat, while his net was cast out beside him. Back in those days… every day was a struggle. A light haul meant we would go without meat for dinner, selling what we caught to pay our expenses. More nights than I could count, I went to bed with a painfully empty stomach, only eating what little rice our funds could afford. As I got older… I got better at it. Because I was raised in her arms since I was a baby, the ocean and everything in it… I treasure it more than anything. But I'm not naïve. In this world… pokemon eat pokemon. My fishy friends… they eat one another to survive. That is why my dream exists. To create a habitat where pokemon can live in peace. But I'm not some dreamer who wants to change the world and stop pokemon eating one another. That is just the cycle of life. We can do our best to aid it, to create sanctuaries for species who need our protection… but human beings should not be so arrogant as to think they can change the flow of the world, it would be like trying to stop the ocean's tides. I've eaten fish my entire life. And I've loved fish my entire life. You might call me a hypocrite… but I respect this world and the creatures in it far too much to try and bend them to suit some self-aggrandizing morality trip. To deny myself… what would be the point in that? Goldeen breed at an unprecedented rate. Without predators like humans to keep the population under control, they would soon drive other species to extinction in a struggle of resources. Do you understand, Sango? Hunting, fishing, that is not 'poaching'. You might think it's the same as killing. You might like to call me a murderer. But the balance of nature is not something so easily maintained. If you don't understand the importance of that… then you have no business calling yourself a ranger, or anything else."
Marion helped Sango back up and placed the knife into her hands for the third time, letting her make her own decision.
"Do what you want to do. If you want to be a ranger, with everything that entails, then kill and eat in order to get the energy to keep going. But if something like that is too much for you… if you can't bring yourself to hurt another living creature and see it die as a result of your actions… you don't deserve to bear the responsibility of protecting nature on your shoulders."
Sango stared at the knife numbly. It felt so heavy… she couldn't even hold it without trembling.
"I… I can't…" Sango said, glancing into the fish pokemon's eyes again. "I… I love pokemon too much. I just can't… bring myself to hurt them…"
"I'm sure there are many people just like you," Marion said, her voice kinder, more soothing. "People without the strength to hurt other living beings. Or maybe… a different kind of strength, the strength to not hurt others. Either way… I'm glad you realize that this path isn't meant for you, before you went any further down it. To go on… would have only brought you even more pain in the future."
"No, I… I still want to be a ranger, like my mother," Sango said. "But I…"
"You built this image of your mother up in your mind as this wonderful person who could do no wrong. A perfect ranger who helps people and pokemon get along, tamed rampaging pokemon, stopped forest fires, all sorts of things. Those are the stories parents love to tell their little girls, after all. But she wouldn't have told you all the hard things she no doubt would have to do. Like putting down a pokemon that was beyond saving. Or having to kill and eat a pokemon for sustenance when it was the difference between dying alone in the wilderness and getting back home to her beloved daughter."
Sango closed her eyes and shoot her head. She didn't want to hear this. She didn't want to imagine that her mother, who she'd looked up to and idolized so much, could possibly…
But the truth was plain to see. She'd just been ignoring it until now.
"You're an honest, straightforward girl, Sango," Marion comforted her. "You saw a goal set out in front of you, and you pushed towards it with all the strength you had. You passed the intense, grueling first exam, and managed to pull me along with you through the second. You've wanted to be a ranger so badly, for so long… that you never stopped to ask yourself what that might entail, did you? You wanted to make your mother proud of you… so you charged straight toward a goal you set in your mind, without seeing it for what it was. A Pokemon Ranger is no doubt something to be proud of. An excellent goal to strive towards. But it isn't glamorous, it isn't nice and easy, and it certainly isn't something you can do if you don't have the resolve to do anything it takes to survive."
Marion glanced at the lake once more.
"I wanted to be like my father, and fish in all the oceans across the world. But I never wanted to become my father. I didn't want to run a fishing shack by the sea on an island in Alola. I had my own dreams, my own goals. My father taught me to love fishing… but it's my own conviction that has taken me this far. Sango… what about you?
"Did you want to be a ranger because you looked up to your mother and what she stood for? Or truthfully… did you really just want to become your mother? Wanting to be just like her? Chasing some ideal in your mind… that will only lead to regret and pain."
Marion sighed.
"The goal you set for yourself… was it to be a ranger? Or was it to be like your mother? If you can't answer that… then you won't ever be able to get the conviction to do what needs to be done."
Sango gave her no reply in return.
"This is thanks," Marion said. "Thanks to you… I managed to get a step closer to my dream. In return… I want to help you give up on this pointless goal. You're a lovely young woman. Go find a real dream to chase. Give up on being a ranger just so you can be like your mother. Either that… or use that knife I gave you to cut open your own future for yourself. It's all up to you."
"I told you…" Sango grit her teeth, shaking. "I don't… have the strength to do it. I haven't… killed anything before… I've never… hurt anyone before… I can't…"
"I know," Marion nodded sadly. "That's why-"
"So please… help me do it…" Sango said, her eyes watering. "Because I don't… have the strength to do it on my own yet…"
"…" Marion stared at her for a few seconds, and nodded.
"Okay."
She got up and walked around Sango, reaching down and holding her hands. She guided the blade down to rest the edge against the Goldeen's scales, right where the gap between its head and body would be.
"For fish pokemon… the head can be severed with a good, strong cut. The sad fact is… it takes surprisingly little strength… to end something's life."
As Marion helped Sango lift up the knife, Sango kept looking into the pokemon's eyes. Such a deep, lively blue. A light that would be snuffed out by her own hand. She…
Sango averted her eyes, unable to look the Goldeen in the face.
"Don't look away!" Marion snapped. "See it through to the end. You are taking a life here. You are ending this pokemon's existence in this form. Will you not even grant it the dignity and respect of looking it in the eyes when you take everything away from it? This pokemon is dying for your sake. Never forget that. The least you can do is acknowledge the sacrifice it is making and thank it."
Sango nodded her head, her eyes wet with tears as she looked at the Goldeen, refusing to glance away for even a second. Not even blinking. Marion was right.
"I'm so sorry…" Sango said. "But… I have to. If I don't… then I won't be able to go forward. I'm sure this won't be the last time… I'm sure I'll have to hurt more pokemon, maybe even people, if I'm going to go on. But I have to. Even if it's wrong… even if I hate myself… this is the path I set out on, for my dream. I'm going to be a pokemon ranger… not for my mom… but for me. Because… I want to help people. I want to bring smiles to their faces. I want… to protect the happiness of others, however I can. So please…"
"Please don't hate me for doing this…" she cried, her vision blurring.
"It's okay to cry. It's okay to hurt," Marion comforted her, caressing her hand lovingly. "Even if it never gets easier… this is still something you decided for yourself. Some doors never open to you without the strength to take another life with your own two hands."
"I know," Sango nodded, tears falling from her face. "I know…"
"We'll swing it together, okay?" Marion asked. "I'll show you the first step of really surviving."
Sango swallowed, raising her arm as Marion held her hand steady. She swung down and severed the Goldeen's head, the sticky warmth of blood washing over her hands.
"Now, cut down the belly and extract the guts," Marion said, guiding Sango's hand down. "The hard part… has already been done."
Marion cooked the meat over the fire as Sango knelt beside the lake. Her hands were still trembling. No matter how much she washed them… she could still smell the sickly odor of blood. Maybe… maybe she'd never be able to get it out.
I always opposed battles… hurting pokemon… I always believed that it was wrong, that pokemon and people are to be protected. Even… even now… I don't think I'm wrong for thinking that. I don't… want to hurt anyone else. But someday… I might have to, I know that now. Mom… is this what you went through? Did you also once… have to make a choice like this? Or were you luckier than I was? Did you manage to go your whole life without ever having to kill another creature to move forward?
Would you be proud of what I did today… or disgusted? Even I… I'm not sure about how I feel. I feel like crying… and throwing up. But still… this was the right choice. The only choice. I'll have to live with that. If I give up here… then what I just did was meaningless.
Sango held her noisome hands together in prayer.
I'm sorry I took your life from you. I promise… I won't let it be in vain. I will keep moving forward and become a Pokemon Ranger.
"It's ready," Marion solemnly told her, Sango looking up at the girl standing over her. She held out a slice of meat on a stick, still steaming from being freshly cooked. Sango gulped and bit into the meat, letting the flavor rush through her mouth. It was the most delicious thing she'd ever tasted. She swallowed it all in two bites.
Sango rose up and stumbled away, falling to the ground. She held her hands over her mouth and threw up, sobbing.
This one was pretty rough. But the hardest lessons are the most important ones to learn. Sango needed to learn that being a ranger was more about target clears and drawing loops. It's also about doing whatever it takes to survive. So what do you all think?