Author's Note:

Dear all, I hope you're still enjoying the story :) Or, well… at least surviving it :D There's going to be a bit more relationship angst and drama and unpleasantness in the near future again (I know, it's been a lot. I'm sorry in advance. People are flawed and make mistakes that you might not agree with when they are plagued with issues that they don't know how to handle, but that's unfortunately part of life) But I promise every hurdle faced is another step towards better days :) And we will get to better days very soon ;) (At least in some ways better :D)

I hope you're all excited for the winter holidays :) You might have noticed that chapters are released a tiny bit more often now than before, that's because I'm timing specific chapters for the holidays. I don't even know why, I just thought that it would be nice to have significant chapters released around that time :D So I hope you'll all enjoy the journey towards those (or again, at least survive it :D). And that you will enjoy everything that will come after.

I'm looking forward to sharing it all with you already :3 Thank you for reading and commenting. It means a lot to me every time :3

Chapter XXIII – Uncharted Waters

It was way past midnight when Aeyrin heard the knock on the door of her room.

She wasn't really able to sleep anyway. She thought that she did rest for a while – she had been in a tough battle with a bunch of trolls earlier after all and she was exhausted, but she woke up after what only felt like minutes, riled up by a nightmare. It was a painfully familiar occurrence by now.

She knew that she would have been tossing and turning until she finally fell asleep again. The knock was like a saving grace just then.

She'd been in and around Rorikstead for two days now, waiting for Bishop to receive her letter. She was really eager to see him again and to enjoy the brief night with him when her head would remain blissfully empty of all worries. He always had that effect on her – even before all this mess. Whatever was wrong, he could always make her feel better or distract her.

She jumped up from the bed, clad in nothing but his old black tunic and she swung the door open eagerly.

Bishop looked her up and down and he tried to fight the satisfied smirk at the sight of her current attire. He failed miserably at that, but, a second later, his brows creased worriedly.

"That was… quick. Everything alright?" he gave her a long searching look as he stepped into the room and shut the door behind himself. It was no wonder, she practically wrote to him right after they had parted ways. But she couldn't wait. She wanted to see him so badly just then.

"Uh-huh," she nodded in reassurance and, before he could respond again, she draped her arms over his neck, lifting herself up on her tiptoes and using his head as leverage. She instantly pressed her lips to his and pushed her whole body against his, pinning him to the door as much as her stature allowed.

Bishop was caught off guard at first. His hands hovered above her waist as if he was deciding whether to grip her or to push her away. When she contacted him, he kind of assumed that something bad must have happened. It must have barely been a day or two after they had parted when she sent the letter and she sounded so desperate to see him. He certainly didn't expect her to just jump him like that.

Well… he probably shouldn't complain.

He was a bit worried about what prompted this, but… maybe there was nothing to it.

And it wasn't as if they couldn't just talk after.

His hands wrapped around her waist and lifted her a bit off the ground just as she plunged her tongue deeply into his mouth, sliding it against his. He moved his hands lower, still holding her pinned to his form, and he grabbed her bare buttcheeks hungrily, kissing her and nipping into her lower lip in equal passion.

Aeyrin let out a moan when his eager hands gripped her so firmly, but she suddenly stopped and her eyes snapped open. Her cheeks were completely red and she pushed herself from his embrace, dropping back onto her feet.

"Everyone will hear," she growled in annoyance and threw a disgruntled look at the door.

True. Small inns like this apparently left little to the other patrons' imaginations when it came to their activities. They've both had enough of the intrusions at Nightgate Inn.

Bishop chuckled with a hint of exasperation in his voice. He really wished that she had realized that before getting him all worked up. "Alright… let's just get to bed," he gently ran his hand through her hair and inclined his head towards the bed. They could just stay together and relax and talk. It was not like he minded that option, although at that very second it did seem rather disappointing.

"No. I don't wanna stop," she whined a bit and bit her lower lip while she looked around the room. It seemed like she was looking for a solution. A second later, she grabbed him by the wrist and she dragged him in the direction of the bed.

"What, you want to try the gag again?" he chuckled, but his question was met with a faintly horrified stare from Aeyrin as she vehemently shook her head at him.

Fuck… he probably shouldn't have suggested that. He didn't even realize how much that could stir bad memories for her now more than ever.

"Just come," she distracted herself quickly from the question and turned determinedly towards her original target – the window. She opened it wide before she let go of his hand and hoisted herself up on the sill, slipping out of the room.

The ground was freezing on her bare feet, but at that moment, she didn't care. She just couldn't stop thinking about feeling him against her again, about losing herself in his touch and presence.

Bishop gave her a surprised look and she inclined her head to urge him on. "Come on, we won't go far," she smiled and punctuated her point with a mischievous wink.

Her cheeks were still flushed bright red and she wore that gorgeous small demure smile she reserved for right before their most intimate moments.

Shit… he would follow her anywhere.

Bishop vaulted over the sill deftly and landed on his feet right in front of her. He teasingly ran his hand over the hem of his old tunic and raised it a bit to uncover her buttocks very slightly. The cold wind hit her sensitive skin in an instant and much to his delight, her whole body shivered in one quick fit.

Aeyrin playfully smacked his hand away from the cloth with a barely subdued giggle escaping her lips before she grabbed him by the wrist again. Then she turned on her heel and started leading him onward and further away from the inn.

They only stopped when they reached one of the barns nearby. It looked like it was far enough from anyone else but the animals inside. Nobody would be able to see or hear them all the way out here.

They rushed towards the back wooden wall and instantly turned back to each other there.

Aeyrin jumped into his arms right away, trapping him in another passionate kiss as his arms supported her upper thighs and hands grabbed her buttocks again.

She found herself pinned to the barn wall within a second and Bishop was quick to undo only the barest minimum of his armor to be able to take out his cock. There was not much need for pre-amble with how ready she already was. And it was probably best to keep things brief out in the open like that.

He entered her swiftly in one hard thrust, burying his length inside her while she let out a long satisfied moan.

Gods, she needed that.

…

Bishop carried her in his arms back towards the open window to her room.

He insisted, after he put her back down on her feet and she started to shiver again. Not that she wasn't grateful – her legs felt weak and wobbly after being held up against that barn for so long.

Bishop hoisted her up over the windowsill and she instantly rushed towards the bed and snuggled herself up in the fur blankets. He followed suit, quickly shutting the window behind him when he made his way inside too. She shot him a brief smile as she still hid herself under the blanket up to her chin. She looked so fucking cute like that. He loved nothing more than warming her up when she was cold. Which was often. He started to unbuckle his armor at last while he continued to watch her curled up in the bed. He still didn't get a chance to take it off with how hectic things got the second he stepped into her room the first time. He quickly disposed of most of his clothes save for his trousers and joined her under the blankets with palpable eagerness.

She curled up to him instantly and she let out a pleased sigh. She didn't say anything the entire time, she just rested her head on his shoulder and ran her hand over his pecs affectionately.

That was a bit… strange for Bishop. It was not that he didn't enjoy their time by the barn and he knew that they never needed to talk much to enjoy each other's company even without sex, but… he just wasn't sure what he expected now. She was just going to leave in the morning with barely saying a word to him the entire time. He wasn't sure why it bothered him, but it did. Maybe because this wasn't getting them anywhere. He wanted to get somewhere, to work on shit between them and to finally make it to the point where Aeyrin wouldn't feel like she had to leave, just to preserve what they had together.

He was no stranger to these… arrangements. After all, most of his past 'relationships' consisted of these. There was rarely anything beyond the sex and he barely even knew anything about the women he had slept with. Not that they were particularly interested in anything more either.

He probably should have been fine with this. But he wasn't. Not with her. Everything was different with her.

"So… have you been to Whiterun, sweetness?" he asked after a long moment of uncomfortable silence. At least it felt uncomfortable to him. She, on the other hand, seemed perfectly content. He thought to try at least some idle conversation, maybe to make things less… weird. Or was it just him who was making things weird?

"Yeah," Aeyrin nodded absentmindedly in response. She didn't elaborate though and, a second later, her neck craned and she started to kiss his collarbone, slowly flicking her tongue on his skin.

Well… that was… surprising. Wasn't she worried about being overheard anymore?

Her kisses moved steadily down his body until she began to unlace his trousers.

That was… really distracting. He wasn't even sure why he wanted them to talk so much. He didn't even know what he wanted to talk about. Why was he trying to force shit? He could feel her hot breath on his groin as she slid his clothes down to his knees in a swift motion. She didn't wait much longer before she started to run her tongue over him lasciviously.

Bishop's hand tangled in her hair instantly and he stifled a grunt by pressing his lips together firmly. They really didn't need any interruptions.

Fuck talking. This was definitely better.

…

Bishop woke up to the sight of her by the bed – already dressed and armored and rummaging in her pack.

How did he not hear a thing up until now? Usually any noise could rile him up.

Well… he was pretty exhausted. They continued their ministrations much longer into the night, careful to stay as quiet as possible. It wasn't nearly as satisfying without hearing all the sounds of pleasure she made since she had her hand over her mouth almost constantly, but that was hardly a big deterrent.

They didn't do anything else.

It hadn't mattered in that moment back then. He barely had a second to think about it before he was yet again enveloped in the blissful ignorance of pleasure.

But seeing her like this, practically out of the door again without a word felt… odd.

He stirred in the bed and Aeyrin perked up instantly.

She gave him a small smile and leaned down to plant a gentle kiss on his lips, but it was all too short-lived. She straightened up right after that and slumped her pack onto her back with a resolute nod. She looked like she was actually trying to will herself to actually leave, but that may have just been wishful thinking on his part.

"I should go. You can get more sleep," she smirked at him a little. "We'll see each other soon, alright?"

Before he could respond in his sleepy state, she was out of the door and out of his sight.

That was… not what he imagined when she had suggested 'being there for each other'. It was… familiar, but so different. Maybe because for the first time he wanted something more out of this than gratification.

It was an uncomfortable feeling.

And what now? He was left naked in the bed alone. Was he supposed to be waiting for her to call on him again?

He felt kind of… used.

…

The following month passed in a strange blur for Bishop.

Yet again it was spent doing nothing but pointless cleanup of various neglected phases in Karliah's elaborate plans. It was hardly exciting, dangerous or even worth his time, but he still had nothing better to do. He missed the times when he wouldn't mind the lack of plans or direction. This was oddly binding and frustrating.

Aeyrin was contacting him frequently the entire month. Much more frequently than he would have anticipated. It seemed like barely a few days had passed since he saw her and he got yet another letter, asking to meet at yet another random location.

And he was always quick to come running to her immediately.

It was kind of infuriating.

Every time was the same. He came, she practically threw herself at him in an instant and they spent the rest of the night entangled. He certainly didn't mind that part. But… there was nothing else. He thought that they would spend time together to at least try to work through things, to talk things through gradually, but anytime he even tried to broach a serious subject, she distracted him at best and pouted and refused to talk at worst. At least she was no longer getting angry and there was no fighting, but he still worried that it would happen if he pushed too much.

But did he mind? Why did it feel so crappy every time the euphoria of sex had passed?

He told her clearly that this was not what he wanted, yet she ignored his words completely. And every time she walked away from him, he felt a little bit worse than before. Like all this was not making them closer again. Like it was actually making his goal unachievable.

Like this was enough for her.

Like that was all she wanted him for anymore.

He had known more about her life back when they were fighting or tiptoeing around each other uncomfortably.

But this was like sailing uncharted waters – familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time. He knew how to maneuver a meaningless fling. But… not this. Not when he actually wanted so much more.

He desperately wanted to tell her what this 'arrangement' was doing to him, but he didn't. He was afraid that if he did, nothing would change for the better. He was afraid that he would lose the little that he had now, that he would not see her again.

At least he had this.

So for now, his life seemed to consist of menial tasks and constant waiting for another letter. Always hoping that it wouldn't be the last.

…

Aeyrin scurried through the thicket in the forests near Helgen, following the caravan that was barely in her sights.

This was the last one. Karliah promised. Raven promised. The last caravan to follow, the last dragon to chase.

She was dreading this task, but at least she knew that it would be over after this and the mission would succeed, resulting in Maven taking away her favor from Mercer and her contacts to the Dark Brotherhood along with it.

The last month has been a bit easier than the ones before.

She wasn't sure why, but she felt more free from her worries. She talked to Lydia a month ago, rather more than she had originally planned, and it felt like she had resolved some issues then that she needed to. It may have been a small step, but it felt like a giant leap towards getting things back to the way they were before.

She pushed through her trepidations and actually managed to get something back to normal. There was no reason to force things. It was an accomplishment enough. She needed to take things slow and she would eventually take another step. It didn't need to be rushed, right?

So the month after that she avoided most of her past relationships. She traveled the wilderness and explored caves, resting up in nearby hamlets.

Bishop was the only welcome distraction. Whenever she started to obsess over her life, he would be there reliably. She could get lost in his arms and forget everything and everyone in the outside world. It was good for her, she was sure of it. It helped her take things slowly forward without taking steps back. It was comforting. And she couldn't wait to see him again. Everything was better now whenever she did. When she finally wasn't scared of always fighting with him.

Now she would just get this one task out of the way and she could retreat somewhere again and contact him. He would make her forget the pain and fear again.

She almost didn't want to leave him in the mornings. But… she still knew that it was a bad idea. Bishop was determined to barrel through their issues and that would only make everything worse.

She knew better.

This was working.

A loud rumble echoed from a nearby mountain and Aeyrin took a deep breath.

It was time. One last time and she would be free of this mission. She had no illusions about being free of the dragon threat, but at least she would no longer have to go searching for it. It just felt like she was willingly throwing herself at a possible death with little to no reward. She knew that all this had a purpose, but… sometimes it didn't seem like the risk was worth this.

Maybe it was because she didn't fully understand the importance of Maven's influence.

They had explained it to her again and again, but… she was still just a woman with a lot of money. And they were using these terrible deadly beasts to scare her. Couldn't they just do something to take away her power? Maybe steal Goldenglow back? Or compromise her meadery? At least that wouldn't put Aeyrin in such danger.

But maybe she was just looking for excuses to escape this task.

She was just selfishly scared for her own skin.

These merchants and their guards had their lives threatened too and she was only thinking about escaping her own pain. When did she get so callous? She hated how much the fear of getting hurt again, physically or emotionally, affected her convictions. She shouldn't let it.

She should just buck up and get through this.

She quickly ran down on the road and when she reached the paved trail, she slowed down considerably, pretending to simply walk by casually.

The dragon would descend any minute. By the echo across the mountains, it wasn't far. It would only be a matter of time before it flew a little too high and caught a glimpse of the people on the road below.

When a loud roar echoed across the area, the caravan stopped and the merchant with the guards all started to look around nervously. A few moments later, one of the men finally spotted Aeyrin on the road behind them. He was far away still, but she could have sworn that his eyes went wide and he instantly jogged towards her as his armor clanked loudly with each motion.

"Uh… miss," he huffed a little when he stopped in front of her. "I couldn't help but notice… you're an elf…"

Great start.

"Good eyes," she smirked at him.

"Oh, no… I meant… you're so… armed. Are you by any chance the Dragonborn?" the guard stammered with a hopeful glimmer in his eyes. It was a bit startling that at the sight of an armed elf, he would assume that she could only be the Dragonborn, but… then again, maybe it was just wishful thinking.

"Uhm… yes," she nodded. She wasn't sure if she should admit to having heard the dragon too. It may have looked too much like a coincidence then.

"Oh, thank the Nine! I think there's a dragon in the mountains! Please, you have to help us if it attacks," he suddenly grabbed her by the wrist and started to drag her back towards the caravan with desperation in his eyes. In the meantime, the roar echoed through the area yet again, this time even louder.

Aeyrin rushed after him, still pulled by his hand. And just as they were approaching the caravan, another rumble echoed around them and the beast appeared above the nearby peaks.

The other two guards and the merchant gave them an uncertain look, but the one dragging her only answered with a reassuring nod.

There was no more time to explain, the dragon spotted them instantly and plummeted down towards them. The guard finally let go of Aeyrin's hand and readied his battleaxe.

She unfastened her mace and shield and positioned herself in front of the other people. The merchant quickly hid right behind her caravan as soft whimpers of fear escaped her lips.

The dragon stopped in the air above them and gave them a menacing glare. Before it did anything else, however, it spoke in its deep rumbling voice: "Dovahkiin, Nii Los Tiid. Zu'u Fen Oblaan Hi."

Aeyrin had no idea what it said, but it did address her. It was so disturbing that the beasts could recognize her instantly like this.

The dragon opened its maw and a frosty Shout started to form at the back of it. Just as it hurled a stream of ice onto them, everyone jumped out of the way in panic. In the end, the Shout only hit the back of the caravan wagon with no damage to anyone present.

One of the guards shot an arrow at the beast just as she had managed to get back up on her feet. The dragon got hit in its underbelly as it hovered above them, then in its upper torso right after that.

The beast roared and moved in its flight again and when it turned, it charged right into the group of them, plummeting down, determined to crush them under its weight. But fortunately for Aeyrin, at least it would get down on the ground that way and she could attack it.

They all jumped out of the way once more and the dragon landed head-first into the ground, burrowing a trail of mud and dirt across the trail. Luckily, the caravan wagon was far enough not to get hit by the large beast.

The guards along with Aeyrin riled up quickly, jumping back on their feet. They all rushed towards the creature from different directions and started to smash and slash at it as fast as they could.

The dragon roared in pain as it was assaulted from multiple sides. The enchanted flames on Aeyrin's mace had little effect on its thick hide, but at least the impact of the weapon did some damage as she smashed it into its wing to prevent it from flying again.

The battle was going surprisingly well as they pummeled the dragon incessantly, but after a while, it managed to open its maw again and an odd white-violet light started to form at the back of it. It wasn't aiming at any of them though. Was it about to desperately Shout into nothing?

A second later, a loud roar with a faint hint of words behind it echoed through the area, but nothing came out of the dragon's maw.

Everyone looked at each other nervously, but when nothing happened, they continued the assault. The beast was all battered and bruised now and it would surely not take long. This might have all just ended up being simpler than any other dragon battle. What was she so worried about?

But when a few more seconds passed, suddenly, the skies above them darkened in a strangely menacing display.

That was… odd. The weather shouldn't change this fast.

Before Aeyrin realized what was happening, large lightnings appeared at the top of the dark clouds and, in a matter of seconds, they shot down, striking each and every one of them, including the caravan.

The next minute turned into utter chaos. Aeyrin only started to recognize what was happening around her when she finally felt the cold ground on her cheek. A loud clanking filled her ears and it took a long time for her to realize that it was her own armor, ringing as her whole body shook uncontrollably. Everything burned intensely and she could feel nothing else.

She was sure that she had several magical burns on her body, but she wasn't aware of much else.

After what felt like a really long time, the shaking subsided. She managed to open her eyes and look around her surroundings at last.

Her head was pressed to the ground on its side and she was lying on her stomach. She could see the dragon's body slumped down on the road and thrashing around, but luckily, the only thing close enough to her was its wing and that seemed incapacitated by her previous blow. It would have surely squashed her otherwise. She could see the guard nearest to the beast on the ground, unmoving.

She weakly raised herself on her hands and knees. It was an arduous process, but she was finally able to see everything else.

The caravan's cover was on fire and the merchant was nowhere to be seen. Hopefully she was still hiding, but it was likely that she was already dead. The horse was lying on the ground without any sign of life. The other two guards were slowly rising on their feet. They looked like they could barely stand.

Gods, if everyone died, the mission would fail – there would be no one left to report to Maven. And more importantly, these people were in no more condition to fight. Their lives couldn't be thrown away for nothing. She may have been just as wounded as they were, but at least she still had her tricks up her sleeve.

She needed to do something. She needed to save the remaining guards first and then deal with the beast for good. The dragon looked almost dead. It still thrashed, but it didn't move otherwise. She could see blood under its large body. That however didn't mean that it was incapable of doing any more damage. Just like her, it could still Shout.

"Go!" Aeyrin yelled at the remaining guards. They needed to get back to safety. Another Shout like that from the dragon and it would have been their end. And it was not as if they could prevent the beast from killing Aeyrin in this state anyway. At least their lives could be saved right now for certain.

They gave her uncertain looks, but she insisted: "I've got this! Go!"

The guards almost stumbled over each other before they turned to the road and started running. They didn't even consider rescuing the wagon, but she could hardly blame them. It wasn't important just then. Not even to her. It didn't matter if her mission failed, she would survive that somehow. If she survived this. Now it was only important to save as many lives as possible from this creature.

"KRII!"

The Shout echoed through the area and the dragon's body got instantly enveloped in the familiar red light.

Aeyrin grabbed her mace, which had been lying on the ground nearby, and she used it to help her get back on her shaky and uncertain feet. She had to get through this. It was almost dead. She took a step towards the dragon, then two, three, four, until she reached the creature's body again. With a burning arm she smashed her mace heavily into the beast's flank.

Divines, that hurt!

The dragon roared again, obviously in a lot of pain. Few of its scales dislodged from its hide upon impact, leaving behind a bloody mess. She took the opportunity and smashed again and again into the uncovered pulpy hide and meat.

The dragon roared in pain constantly, but she didn't let up. It needed to die.

And it didn't take long after that. The guards were out of sight already and the beast finally slumped to the ground, lifeless.

Thank the Eight!

Aeyrin had almost become relieved, but then it dawned on her that the worst was yet to come.

That lightning storm Shout… she knew how it felt, she knew the strange electric aftertaste it left in her mouth. But she still felt like she had no idea what to expect.

And she was so weak, so exhausted.

She slumped to the ground and curled into a helpless ball. She suddenly felt so vulnerable and… alone. Just watching it all approach, waiting for the inevitable pain.

She could see the dragon's body get enveloped in a strange mesmerizing stormy coat. She couldn't look anymore. She may not have known what to expect, but she knew that this would feel beyond horrible and she closed her eyes firmly. She wasn't sure if it actually helped. The anticipation seemed worse when she couldn't see it happening.

But, soon enough, she felt the piercing light enter her core.

A powerful bolt of electricity wreaked through her entire body, worse than before. She felt a burning fire on every inch of her skin and all her insides were tingling. Her body was shaking uncontrollably and she could feel the powerful twitches all the way to her bones. Her teeth chattered so much and clanked against each other so hard that she could feel them shattering against each other. An incredible pain shot through her entire jaw and soon her mouth was filled with the shattered remains of her teeth with her gums left in a pulpy bleeding mess. And then another bolt shot through her, sending stinging pain everywhere, and then another and another.

She couldn't take this. Everything burned so much.

She could feel the shaking getting weaker and weaker.

She felt as if her closed eyes suddenly got hit with a bright white light.

And then there was only darkness.