Author's Note:

Dear readers, I wish all of you very happy holidays. I hope you all celebrate whatever it is you celebrate this time of year with plenty of joy and love all around.

I really hope you'll enjoy the following chapter and everything else that's coming after :) There's a lot to look forward to, plenty of adventures on the horizon. I have been posting very often now and I've managed to post the chapters I wanted when I wanted, but now I'll be slowing down the pace a bit again. Don't worry, nothing drastic, just the usual vague schedule, each four or five days, or just twice a week in general sometimes, but you know, a bit more unpredictable :D But still frequent enough imho ;)

I also have a little side story prepared for you all, a brief look into one of the side characters taking place some time before the events of the first book. I'll be posting it into the first book extras soon, but it's definitely not a very happy story all in all, so I thought it would be best to wait a bit until there's some respite from all the angst in the main fic :D

Alright, that's enough rambling.

Enjoy the holidays and enjoy the chapter :3

Chapter XXIX – In Joy and Sorrow

Aeyrin poked idly into the fire with a stick.

It was nighttime already and Bishop still wasn't there.

She actually expected him to be there already when she arrived. He sent her such specific coordinates. But he wasn't there and so she waited and waited. She didn't even do anything, didn't even cook or look around the area. All she could do was wait for him to appear. She wasn't able to concentrate on anything else.

Maybe he wasn't coming.

Maybe she misread the coordinates? Or maybe he simply decided not to come. Maybe he changed his mind and he didn't want to see her anymore.

Maybe he sent her there as some kind of revenge – so that she was waiting for him there while he stood her up.

Well… that was probably not it, he wouldn't be that petty.

Not to her anyway. At least she hoped as much.

She merely sighed and poked into the fire again.

The mission in Winterhold went surprisingly well – there was no hitch, no complication. She and Raven woke up the next morning after their talk with a much more comfortable atmosphere between them. She only stopped briefly by the Nightgate Inn to stuff her letter for Bishop in a mailbox there before they headed forth towards their destination.

By the afternoon, five other men met them near the old mine and they all stormed the place together right after.

The smugglers responded with violence and battle broke out soon enough. But Raven's group was victorious with no losses beyond a few wounds. The smugglers were hardly masters of arms.

They all stayed the night in that cave and rested there. It was late by the time the battle was done and it wasn't a bad idea to stay and dispose of any stragglers that came from the outside.

By the morning she and Raven headed back on the road to return to Whiterun.

But a courier caught up with her soon enough, so she bid Raven farewell and changed her direction, excited to see Bishop.

And now here she was.

Alone again.

Wait… what was that?

There was this noise… in the distance, she could have sworn that she had heard it before, but it was so faint and the loud chirping of nightly critters certainly didn't help.

Again… hmm…

She grabbed her pack, got up on her feet and walked a bit into the direction of the noise, further and further into the woods still.

Until she finally recognized it.

It was Karnwyr! She was pretty sure of it, although she wasn't exactly sure why she had determined that without considering the fact that it could have been any other wild wolf.

He was howling. He rarely howled!

Her feet picked up the pace and she ran towards him as fast as she could. He sounded like he was in pain. Something must have happened to him. Maybe he ran into something nasty in the forest and got wounded.

The howls turned more and more desperate and they even seemed more strained. Maybe he couldn't keep up the heaves of his body when he did that.

"KARNWYR!" she yelled into the woods as loud as she could. If he knew that she was coming, he could stop the alarmed howls. It might only attract something that he didn't want it to.

She heard an answering bark echo through the thickets. She was close. Lucky for her, the night was clear and the moon was bright. It made it so much easier to run through the forest in the darkness.

Finally she could see a dark lump in the distance ahead of her, heaving in exertion. He seemed to have positioned himself in a place that wasn't entirely hidden by the thicket or excessive shade to make himself more visible to her in the dark. He was so clever.

He barked when he sensed her presence at last, but it came out very weak.

"By the Eight, Karnwyr, what happened?" she dropped to her knees with panic in her voice and started to slowly run her hand over his fur. It would have been easier to do this with a source of light. She couldn't examine him like this properly.

Suddenly Karnwyr thrashed and snapped his jaw at her firmly. He didn't bite, but he made it clear that she should stop what she was doing instantly.

He must have been really hurt.

"Karnwyr, I'll be careful, but I need to examine you to heal…" a sharp desperate bark interrupted her and he howled again. This time it lasted only a second as he couldn't keep it up anymore.

He didn't want healing? Why? What could…

Oh!

"Bishop!" She gasped as she realized the wolf's insistence now. He must have been in an even worse state if Karnwyr didn't even let her heal him.

He barked in relieved confirmation, but he sounded like he was already on the verge of passing out.

But she needed him to lead her to Bishop. She had no idea where he was.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but you have to endure this. For Bishop," she let out a determined sigh and slid her arms below the wolf's body. She couldn't just leave him there in this state – she could feel how wet his fur was, he could bleed out or something could smell his blood and attack him.

He was quiet and he didn't snap at her. Hopefully that meant that the action didn't aggravate his injuries too much. She collected him in her arms and picked him up, standing on shaky feet. Gods, he was so heavy. But he only let out a weak whimper. He would definitely make more of a fuss if the tight hold made everything worse.

"Where is he?" She held Karnwyr carefully in her arms. So heavy. At least she didn't have her armor on – that would only make things worse.

Karnwyr weakly turned his head so that his snout was pointing in one particular direction.

Well… at least she hoped that it was deliberate. He seemed to be barely conscious now.

She let out a determined sigh and started to march as fast as she could with the weight in her arms.

…

Aeyrin had to force herself not to drop Karnwyr flat on the floor when she saw the carnage.

There was so much blood. Maybe it was just that obvious because they rarely fought in such small, clean and well-lit areas, but it felt like the majority of the floor was covered in it.

She spotted Bishop instantly.

It felt like her heart stopped at that moment.

He was propped up against the wall, sitting in a pool of blood with two bolts protruding from his body – one from the side of his abdomen and the other from his thigh. Divines… it looked like the bolt hit him exactly where he didn't have the protection of the plate below the leather.

She quickly placed Karnwyr on the floor and knelt by Bishop.

She couldn't even think, her mind was completely blank as she raised her trembling hand to his neck and felt around for a pulse.

Please, please, please, oh by the Eight, please.

Nothing… nothing… Gods… there was no… Wait! There!

It was faint, so faint and sparse, but he was alive.

She needed to heal him. He lost so much blood. She needed to remove the bolts and close the wounds and then probably just pray that his body would recover from the blood loss like hers did after the vampire den.

It would, wouldn't it? It had to!

Unless… unless there was internal damage.

Oh Gods, she could never help him with that!

She didn't even know the spells to target internal organs. Well… she did still have Azshan's book, but she was kind of counting on him explaining any further spells to her and helping her learn them. She couldn't do that on her onw.

Ugh, stop thinking about it! He's alive, you need to keep him alive! Help him, now!

Aeyrin swallowed around the heavy lump in her throat and blinked away the involuntary tears of panic. Her hands were shaking badly and she tried to steady them several times in vain. But she had to pull herself from this state. This was no time to panic and crumble.

She needed to help him. She would just learn the spells herself, no matter what. She would try and try until it took and she would have everyone alive and well again.

No matter what.

She could do this.

She couldn't lose him.

…

Where was he?

What happened?

"Please, please, stay still." A soft desperate voice echoed from somewhere near him. It was soon followed by a pained whimper. Both of those sounded so familiar, but he was feeling oddly hazy. The sounds felt like they were coming from far away and then seeping into his senses very near his ear for some reason. And his head was throbbing in constant pain.

"I know it hurts. I can't do it better. I'm sorry. But, please, you have to stay still. I can't keep this up for long," the soft voice said with an exhausted tone. It sounded so weak, like it… she could barely even talk anymore.

Bishop's thoughts were finally returning to him after a few seconds and he recognized that sweet voice at last.

Aeyrin.

She found him. He remembered the blood, the pain and then the darkness claimed him. It still hurt. It hurt everywhere. He felt like his whole body was barely holding together. But none of that mattered anymore. He could bear the pain now. Because she was there. With him.

She saved him.

He heard the pained whines and whimpers of Karnwyr for a while then. He did it. He got out and he brought her back here.

He saved both of their lives when he could barely move. Bishop knew that he would survive that shit, he just hoped that he would get to find Aeyrin and… stay with her when Bishop was gone. He never expected Karnwyr to drag her here to save him when he was clearly barely hanging by a thread.

He was pretty sure that he smiled. Though it may have not actually happened. Everything was still very hazy.

And then the darkness seeped in again.

…

A sweet song carried through the air.

Bishop tried to concentrate on the words, but they escaped him. He could just hear her gentle voice ringing in his ears.

He missed her singing so much. It was so comforting. He wasn't sure what was happening around him, how much time had passed or if he was healed by now and just… exhausted. It didn't hurt as much anymore. Now he just felt kind of sore. He still felt like everything was hazy and spinning though, but he was sure that he was getting better.

And whatever else, her voice was making everything better. He still couldn't believe that he got to hear it again.

Finally, after what felt like a long time to just blissfully listening to the pleasant tune, he caught some of the words.

She sang something about 'going to Arkay's side' and about the 'peace of eternity'.

Fuck, was he dead? Was he hearing some divine chorus as his soul left his husk?

He didn't feel dead. But what did death even feel like? He always thought that it would be painful and chaotic and confusing. But it was just… comforting and calm. Maybe that was what death felt like.

He tried to open his eyes to actually find out for sure where he was, but he had no strength left to do so.

Then suddenly, the song got louder and closer. There was a soft and gentle pressure on his abdomen – her hand. He could feel the warmth of healing magic, but it was soon followed by an unexpected sharp sting of pain.

He gasped.

And the song stopped.

He missed it. The hand pressed again and the process started all over – the pressure, the comforting heat and then the pain. And again.

It felt worse without the song carrying through the air. At least that could take his mind off the anguish.

"Sing," he said. He wasn't sure if he said it out loud, he didn't hear any words leave his mouth, but he could feel the soft vibration of his throat.

And then she started to sing again.

Suddenly the somber and mournful song carried a much happier tone.

…

The pain was so much more bearable.

Bishop still wasn't sure what happened, how much time had passed, but he knew that it felt a lot better now. He did still feel like shit, but… maybe he didn't feel like death anymore.

Maybe he could even open his eyes.

He tried, but there was just a bright piercing light.

A second later, he felt Aeyrin's gentle hands on him again, this time on the back of his neck. She pulled his head forward, tilting it and he could feel something cold touch his lips. He opened them instinctively. It felt like he's done this before. A cold liquid slowly slid into his mouth and he drank greedily.

Fuck, that felt so much better.

After a while, his head was laid back again and her hands left him completely.

He tried to open his eyes once more. The light still blinded him but, this time, he forced himself not to close them again. Slowly, the searing light became more bearable and he could make out his surroundings.

He was on a bed. He quickly recognized the bedroom of the safehouse around him – the simple furnishings and the small windows. He noticed Karnwyr curled on a bedroll by the wall, snoozing soundly.

And finally he noticed Aeyrin. She was sitting on the other bed in the room, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed. She looked so tired. She had dark circles under her eyes and her hair was tied up into a haphazard messy ponytail. Her clothes looked damp and worn as they clung to her.

It made him wonder how long this had been going on, how long had they been in that safehouse.

She looked like she was dozing off, but the second her head slid down a bit from the wall, she riled herself up and straightened it again. She kept her eyes closed, but it was clear that she was trying to keep herself awake.

Maybe he should let her rest, but… if she was only trying to stay up because she was worried about him, making his consciousness known to her could help. They could both rest more at ease after that.

"Aeyrin," his voice was hoarse and barely audible, but her eyes snapped open instantly.

She practically jumped up from her position and made his way towards him. She sat on the side of his bed, careful not to crowd him too much, and looked at him almost in disbelief, as if she couldn't really process that he had just talked to her. It took a while before she gave him a relieved smile and gently cupped his cheek.

"Bish, how are you feeling?"

He smiled at her, although he wasn't sure if he managed to do that properly with how tired and sore everything felt.

"Better now," he mumbled. It was much better now when he could see her there in front of him again.

She nodded at him, but she dropped her gaze from his eyes with a somber expression only a second later.

"Divines… I actually thought you would… it was really bad," she shook her head almost disbelievingly.

Bishop tried to nod his head a bit. It must have been quite a scene to walk into. Not that they weren't used to the everyday slaughter by now, but somehow, it was always different in dungeons and wilderness than in a place like this. 'Safehouse'… right… Thrynn did have a point. It was ironic.

That fucking asshole.

"I saw the corpses. I recognized that Dark Elf. The Guild attacked you?" Aeyrin's brows creased in worry.

He tried to answer, but it was getting more and more difficult to talk. The more awake he felt, the more he was aware of all that exhaustion and soreness in his body. And the pain from his abdomen was beginning to seep in again, despite the numbing potion. It was probably too much for even the potion to handle.

"Hold on, I'll get you another potion. Or… would you like to rest more instead?" Aeyrin got up from the bed and waited for his response. It was obvious that she wanted to talk to him more, to find out what had happened at least. He kind of wanted to talk to her too already and it wasn't as if he could sleep with that pain bothering him. The potion would help with both.

"Pot'n" he mumbled again, swallowing half of the word.

Aeyrin quickly ran towards her pack and fished around for another healing potion. She was back by his side in a second and, once again, she snuck her hand behind his head and tilted it up, pressing the cool bottle against his lips.

The pain numbed pleasantly. His head was swirling a bit, but it was definitely an improvement.

She sat beside him again and returned her hand to gently stroke his cheek, waiting for him to tell her what happened. His throat no longer felt so sore as the soothing potion passed through it. He was sure that he could manage to talk now.

"Thrynn… you remember him? He was… he was with us at the meadery… when we were planning the Falkreath missions," he sighed bitterly while Aeyrin merely nodded in response. "Mercer… found out that he was… that he was working with us. He imprisoned him in some… cave in the Rift. I was supposed to get him out and bring him here. It's… one of Karliah's safehouses." His voice was still very hoarse and talking was still a little hard to breathe through, but it was getting easier by the second.

Aeyrin looked around the room curiously, as if she was assessing if this was what a safehouse should look like. It certainly wasn't very 'safe'.

"I sent you… the coordinates, so that we could meet… right after. Everything seemed fine, but when I brought Thrynn here, I got ambushed. He made a deal with Mercer for his freedom. I think… I think Mercer just wanted to have whoever rescued him slaughtered to send a message," Bishop scoffed disdainfully. "Me and Karnwyr managed to kill them, but… well… you saw."

"I don't think I saw Thrynn's corpse," Aeyrin scowled in deep thought.

"Yeah… he left. Part of the deal apparently," Bishop shook his head. "So… Karnwyr made it to the clearing?"

"No. But he did make it far enough so that I could hear him howl. When I found him, I tried to heal him, but he wouldn't let me. He kept snapping at me. Then I figured that he was trying to rush me to you." Aeyrin slowly moved towards the foot of the bed and uncovered the blanket from his upper body. The side of his abdomen was very dark, like there was a huge welt under his skin.

"I tried my best. I managed to heal everything else, but the bolt did some internal damage… some bleeding, and there may be some organ bruising… I'm not sure… I never dealt with this stuff. I just… I had a spell book from Azshan and I tried to do some of them to help, but… I didn't really do a good job of it," she bit her lip apologetically. He remembered that… the healing, then the stabbing pain. Not that he blamed her. Her attempts, even if not fully successful, definitely saved his life.

"Are you kidding?" he chuckled a bit. "I'm alive. I'd say that's a job well done," he winked at her slyly but his eye took a little too long to open again to really convey the expression. His whole body was still a bit out of sorts.

She let out a half-relieved and half-exasperated sigh.

"It's been almost three days, Bish. I kept trying, but… you weren't responsive at all for the most of it."

He tried to grasp her hand comfortingly but his grip was very weak.

"You'll need to rest more. The blood loss was severe. And… after that, we need to get you to a proper healer. I was thinking that Sondas was pretty close."

Bishop nodded slowly, before he remembered another snippet from his half-lucid state. "Were you singing to me?"

Aeyrin flushed a bit and lowered her eyes demurely. "You remember that? It… helped me calm down and concentrate."

"It was pretty grim I think," he chuckled a little, although he wasn't exactly sure if he remembered the words right.

"It was the only thing that I could think of just then… I'm sorry," she shook her head somberly.

"Why? It was still nice," he gave her a warm smile.

There was silence for a while, before Bishop turned his head to look at Karnwyr. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

"And Karnwyr?" he asked with a hint of worry in his tone, although the sight of his friend dozing calmly like that eased his mind a bit.

"He's alright. He wasn't great either. Lost a lot of blood too and had a broken rib, but… I managed to heal him well enough I think. He won't be running around the woods yet, but… he'll be better in no time," Aeyrin smiled reassuringly.

Bishop let out a relieved sigh before there was another moment of comfortable silence. He still held her hand, although with barely any strength in his grip. There was still something gnawing at him, although he was a bit hesitant to ask and possibly ruin the nice moment.

"You… you wanted to talk," he looked at her with worried creased brows. The thoughts that the only reason for that was her seeking closure still didn't leave him.

"We don't have to do that now." Her expression mirrored his own at that moment. That didn't bode well.

"That bad, huh?"

"No! I… I mean… I don't know, actually… maybe?" she gave him an uncertain expression. It would have been bad if he didn't want her back. Putting him through that conversation now would be cruel. And she herself wasn't really sure if she could take rejection now after spending the last three days in constant mind-numbing fear for his life.

"Just tell me, sweetness. Please," he nodded at her encouragingly. He'd had enough of not-knowing. Several months' worth, in fact. Even if it was bad, he just couldn't stand more of that uncertainty.

She nodded slowly, but she didn't talk yet. She averted her eyes again and withdrew her hand from him. Even though her face was mostly averted and hiding from his view, he still noticed her biting her lower lip nervously and blinking rapidly a few times as if she was trying to push back some tears.

Fuck. That really didn't bode well.

Aeyrin fiddled with her fingers nervously for quite some time yet before she took a deep breath and finally gathered the courage to speak. Though at that point she couldn't hold back the few tears escaping her eyes and her voice came out somewhat choked up.

"Bishop, I was so stupid," her gaze finally met his and she hurriedly tried to wipe her eyes. "I can't believe I've treated you like that. I didn't… I didn't mean to, I never meant to just… I never meant to use you, I swear. It always meant so much more to me."

Bishop's brows creased half in uncertainty and half in sympathy. He kind of knew that. Or hoped as much as least. It wasn't like her to be doing this on purpose, but he couldn't really presume anything anymore. And it still didn't tell him what was going to happen with them now, even though he was glad to hear that his hopes weren't misplaced.

"But I… I didn't listen to you," she continued as a small sob escaped her lips and more tears rolled from her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Bishop. I was… I just wanted to be with you whenever I could but… I was so scared of us fighting and… of losing you for good. But you were right. That's always a possibility. And I did that myself. Leaving hurt us more than staying. I… can't believe I couldn't see that."

"Princess," Bishop gave her a weak smile, but he tried to make it as reassuring as he could. He reached out to cup her cheek and brushed his thumb over the tears clinging to her skin. He didn't care anymore about what happened. He just wanted to move on. With her. But then he remembered what she originally said. "So… when does the bad part come?" he asked uncertainly. Maybe she wanted to move on as well, but without him. Maybe she thought that it was better for them to stay apart. He had learned by now not to get his hopes up, but… it was hard not to hope at least a little.

The moment before she spoke again felt excruciatingly long.

"When you tell me I've messed everything up for good and that I should leave you alone," her words came out in a quiet shivering whisper and her eyes were averted from it through that again. She tried to blink back more of her tears and she adamantly didn't look at him again.

Bishop got strangely caught off guard by that.

Did… she mean what he thought she meant? He still wasn't sure. Or maybe he just couldn't believe it. It had been so long. Fuck, he really shouldn't get his hopes up and jump to conclusions.

"It's not what you want?" he asked carefully and tilted her head towards him with his hand still cupping her cheek. It would have been easier if he could actually see her expression.

"What? No! Never," Aeyrin almost exclaimed that as she shook her head vigorously. "Why do you think I kept writing to you? You think I want to be away from you? I just… I know I treated you badly. I… may have been using you, but not for what you thought. I just needed to see you. Wanted to see you. And I should have stopped leaving a long time ago." She knew that their separation had been a good decision after Falkreath. She didn't doubt that. She was still convinced that everything would turn out really bad if she had stayed back then. But it took much longer for her to realize that she was just making things worse and worse by prolonging this even after she knew that she wanted nothing more than to be with him for good again.

"We can definitely agree on that," Bishop let out a weak chuckle. Fuck, he still couldn't actually believe it. He had been dreading the worst here. A strange wave washed over him and he felt oddly lighter than he had in months. "Sweetness, it's alright," he gave her another reassuring smile. "I get that. I get why you wanted to do anything to prevent us from fighting. I didn't want to fight with you either. It was killing me. But… this didn't feel much better. Well… except for the actual sex. That did feel good."

Aeyrin chuckled at him through her tears and the persistent lump in her throat. Gods, she wished that she had talked to him sooner. But there was no going back. And now they could actually work on this together. If… he wanted to. It sounded like he did, right?

"Just… it's alright," Bishop gave her another reassuring smile while he wiped a few more tears from below her eye with his thumb.

"So…" her breath hitched a little as she tried to talk again. It was hard to get the words out, but she needed to make sure. "You would want to… to… uhm… be together again? Like before. F-for good?" She quickly averted her eyes again and her fingers fidgeted once more. She even closed her eyes for a moment as if she was bracing herself for the answer.

If Bishop felt lighter before, this question was as if an enormous loadstone fell from his chest. It was a greater relief than any healing or potion could have provided just then.

"Sweetness, I never wanted anything more," he smiled at her lovingly and she instantly opened her eyes and beamed up at him.

She didn't waste any time before she scooted to sit even closer to him and leaned down carefully to swiftly capture his lips with hers. He tried to make the kiss more passionate and he even tangled his hand in her hair, but he was too weak to do any of that properly just now. So he just let his hand lie softly on the back of her head as he returned the kiss languidly.

She parted from him only reluctantly after a while, but she left her hand gently placed on his chest, slowly stroking over his skin. Her cheeks were still stained with previous tears, but she wasn't crying anymore. In fact, she couldn't stop smiling. And neither could he.

"I should let myself almost bleed out to death more often if it gets these results," Bishop chuckled a bit. He almost earned a playful punch in his chest had she not realized herself in time.

"Don't you dare!" Aeyrin gasped at him incredulously, though the smile was still apparent on her face. "Besides, it was what I wanted to ask even before you almost died," she smiled weakly at him. It was true, she wanted nothing more than to end this stupidity of hers and have him back at her side already when she wrote to him. Although finding him like this, barely hanging to life, it certainly put things into perspective even more. Some past resentments were nothing compared to how much she still loved him, how much she needed him. She realized that even before this whole ordeal, but the moment when she saw him on the ground, in a pool of blood, the feeling that her heart just stopped completely, she would never forget that.

They spent some time in comfortable silence, leaving their ministrations at only a few gentle and soothing touches. Nothing more needed to be said. After a very long time, both of them felt content with where they were now and what may lie ahead.

Slowly the exhaustion started to creep in. Aeyrin herself hadn't found much rest in the last few days, constantly tending to both Bishop and Karnwyr and Bishop was still so exhausted after the blood loss. He needed to see a proper healer, but he wouldn't be able to do that in this state and literally dragging him somewhere could only make his wounds worse. He needed to rest. She would make sure that his condition wouldn't get even a tiny bit worse though.

Bishop's eyes soon closed and Aeyrin leaned down to plant one more tender kiss upon his lips before she got up from the bed to let him sleep.

"Don't go, love. Come here," he mumbled groggily.

"Not a chance!" she giggled. "You need to rest. I know that it would probably be the way you wanted to go, but I'm not gonna be responsible for that."

He chuckled tiredly at that, though his eyes were still closed and he merely shook his head.

"No, just come here. Won't hurt just to have you next to me," he smiled.

Aeyrin nodded and carefully crawled into the bed beside him. She deliberately positioned herself on his uninjured side and curled up to him with tentative caution. She couldn't aggravate his injuries any more. When she was finally confident that she had found a safe enough position, she let out a contented sigh and returned her hand to rest on his chest.

Bishop let her head rest on his arm and gently curled it around her while remaining motionless otherwise.

It was enough just then.

Actually, it was more than enough. More than he had even really dared hope.

It was perfect.