"Alright, let me handle this," said Schwarz, drawing his sword and stepping forward.
"Schwarz! No!" Samudra cried out.
"Back up!" one of the villagers shouted, waving his gun at Worldwide Smoke. "You're not welcome here!"
"But why?" Samudra asked. "I am the prince! I am here to save this country from the aggression of my uncle, Prince Barab-"
"You're here to keep us unclean!" shouted a woman. "You're here to help your accursed brother maintain the class system and make sure we're forced into manual labor for eternity!"
"It looks like the prince's uncle is more popular than we realized…" said Lulupo, still holding onto Puerco with his hair.
Shaska blew some smoke and stepped forward.
"Look, villagers, I get that you-"
"You're a foreigner! You'd never understand the struggles of the Unclean in this country! We've been forced to pick up crap and wash toilets for centuries!"
The leader of the small brigade stepped forward. "And don't think we don't recognize you, Shaska the Greedy!"
"Ah, crap," Shaska responded.
"We read the paper! You're responsible for the deaths of twenty thousand innocent people!"
Shaska rolled her eyes and muttered "that's gonna follow me for a while." She pulled out a huge stack of cash and started counting it while puffing on her cigar.
"Alright, guys, how much is it gonna take to make this go away? Everyone has a-"
"We don't want money!" shouted a young man. "We want liberation! We want equality!"
Shaska rolled her eyes again. "You don't want equality. People aren't free if they're eq-"
"You think we're free?!" the young man shouted again. "We will never be free if we're stuck shoveling crap for a living!"
Shaska blew some smoke again and turned to her crew. "Well, I'm out of ideas," she said.
"Violence is the language of the unheard, darling, maybe we should listen to what they have to say," said Lulupo, resting his head on his hand. He stepped forward, and the villagers cocked their guns.
"Now, villager darlings, you're not unclean to me, you-"
One of them shot at him, but he promptly stopped the bullet with his hair. "Hm. How rude."
"We don't want foreign intervention! This is a Panipuri problem that only the natives of Panipuri could possibly understand!"
The leader of the villagers spoke up again, lowering his gun. "We don't care where you go. Go to Shahar if you want. Help your brother. But you will not stay in Gaanv. You will not use our services just to ultimately keep us as street sweepers. We will defeat your brother's forces on the battlefield and end our centuries of servitude."
"Question," Samudra said. "You all say you're Unclean. Where are the priests? The warriors? The-"
"Dead. We killed them. Everyone else has rebranded themselves as Unclean to join our cause."
"I… see…" Samudra replied, wincing.
"Leave our village at once, prince."
Samudra turned and left, and the rest of Worldwide Smoke followed, heading north toward Shahar.
"We can acquire disguises in the capital," said the prince.
—-
In the city of Baagee, Barabar sat at his desk with a glass of wine and his transponder snail, dialing numbers. It was time for a conference call.
"Good evening, gentlemen," he said.
Five ships were on their way to the port of Nagar at the mouth of the Nadee River, each oriented toward the same purpose: killing the crown prince. In rooms on each of them sat a man with a transponder snail.
"If my understanding is correct, you five are some of Mr. Balthasar's top enforcers. Assassins seeking heaven under his reign. I am glad to have you on my side in this holy war."
He sipped his wine.
"When Balthasar von Esens is reintroduced to the world with this conquest, we too, shall be one step closer to utopia. As God's chosen, it is our mission to-"
"Yes, yes," a gruff voice interrupted. "We know why we're here. 'Liberate society from the shackles of the World Government and achieve Heaven'. No need to explain it to us."
"Frankly," began another, more androgynous voice, "I'm reluctant to do this over transponder snail. You never know who might be listening."
"Well, thank you for coming on such short notice, anyway," said Barabar. "Shall we do a little roll call?
"Ubitsa."
A huge man with a bushy mustache, covered in scars with an equally large battle axe in the corner of his room piped up in a gruff voice. "Here."
"Gabo."
A rather androgynous man with long flowing blue hair in a short pink dress spoke up. "Here."
"Kandar."
A man in a turban carrying a rifle and smoking a pipe spoke up. "Huh…? Oh, here…"
"Princip."
A gruff looking man with a scar over his left eye, a sword, and the kanji for "liberation" tattooed on his face announced himself. "Can we get on with it?"
"And Corcoran"
A smaller man with a comically large bass plucked a few notes, took a drag from a cigarette, and said "here."
"Good. Everyone is present," said Barabar. "Now, I'm sure you're all aware of the plan: while my reactionary nephew is distracted with my invasion during his coronation tomorrow, you will sneak into the palace and execute him."
"I have a question," said Gabo, twirling his hair around his finger. "How are we going to get there in time for the coronation? This island looks awfully big from the map we got. And all the ports are on the southern edge of the island."
"I have chartered several great rukh birds to aid in that. While a trip from Nagar to Shahar would take several days on foot, the trek will only take several hours on a bird," Barabar replied.
"Remember, the reactionary prince must be dead before Mr. Balthasar makes his appearance. Otherwise, he'll have all of our heads," he added.
"So… like… can we get some sleep now…?" Kandar asked, puffing on his pipe. "I'm, like, tired, man…"
"Ugh, I can smell that stuff from here," said Princip. "Have you been hanging out with Dr. Feelgood again?"
Kandar simply smiled and laughed. "Kanahahaha…"
"You all have a good night. Heaven awaits tomorrow," said Barabar, hanging up the transponder snail.
In the distance, a certain Marine battleship heard everything. A Marine stood on the deck with a black transponder snail on his wrist like a watch, intercepting everything the assassins and Barabar said.
"Captain Franco! Lieutenant Johnson!" the soldier called out. "You need to hear this!"
Franco and Johnson hurried over, and the Marine replayed the conversation for his superiors.
"So… they're gonna try and assassinate the prince tomorrow," Franco said.
"What should we do? We can't go back to the Gokashi Kingdom without Shaska," said Johnson. "But at the same time, we can't just let them assassinate someone either."
Franco closed his eyes and thought for a moment.
"Our top priority is Shaska. It's not our place to stop a war," he said.
"Do you think Worldwide Smoke is going to the capital, too?" Johnson asked. "If I were in their shoes, I'd stay far away from the Panipuri Kingdom."
"If I had to guess, most likely," Franco responded. "If Prince Samudra is with them, that means they probably want to see the future king, too. Stop the war that's brewing."
"Then we need to get there as fast as we can! We need to find out where the rebel leader is hiding and flush him out, because he's trying to destroy the World Government with that Balthasar von Esens!"
"Hmm… who is this 'Balthasar von Esens' anyway?"
"I'm not sure… I never heard the name, but based on the way they were talking, apparently he's already wanted," said Johnson. "I'll call the commodore and see if he knows."
Johnson headed off to the communications room, while Franco ordered the soldiers to keep sailing ahead to Tikka Island. Johnson explained the situation to Commodore Abelard.
"B… Balthasar von Esens…?" Abelard stammered out.
"Yeah, that's him," Johnson replied.
"You two idiots need to stay away from that island then. That man is dangerous!"
"Huh…? But… why have we never heard of him if he's that dangerous?"
"For twenty years, Balthasar von Esens seemingly disappeared off the face of the Earth, his crimes so heinous that the government covered them up rather than give him a standard bounty. After his crime… nobody saw him again. Some relegated his existence to mere myth."
"But… what did he do…?"
"Simply put… he saw things he shouldn't have… and then murdered an entire family of World Nobles," said Abelard.
Johnson's blood ran cold. "But… even touching a Celestial Dragon is enough to get an admiral and a fleet of battleships to show up!"
"And he lived," Abelard replied bluntly.
Johnson stood there, unsure of what to do now. One of the worst criminals the world had ever seen would ostensibly be making his reappearance tomorrow. And Johnson was on a crash course to the island he was coming to.
"Lieutenant Johnson, are you there?"
Johnson said nothing.
—
Worldwide Smoke gathered together under a tent made of Lulupo's hair right next to the Nadee. There was a gap in the middle so the smoke from their fire could escape.
"So, we're spending the night on the cold hard ground?" Schwarz complained. "I'm still not sure why we couldn't just commandeer the village there. Wouldn't make us any less wanted."
"I will not threaten my own citizens!" Prince Samudra declared.
"Yet, you'll have us fight them in battle?" Schwarz replied, helping himself to one of Andy's snacks.
"The villagers of Gaanv were simply protecting their home," said Samudra. "I choose to respect that. Even if we were trying to help them. However… when they are attacking Shahar and attempting to assassinate my brother, the situation is different."
"I guess that makes sense," replied Schwarz, lying down.
Andy stood up. "Man, I gotta go. Hey, Lulupo, you got a bathroom in here?"
"Just go in the river!" Schwarz shouted.
"Please do not do that!" Samudra corrected. "The Nadee is a holy river! It is said our gods emerged from that river millennia ago and created Tikka Island around it!"
"Guess I'll go find a tree then," Andy replied with a shrug.
"Try not to get eaten by monsters, honey!" Roxanne said, lying down.
"Not to worry! I'm packing heat!" Andy said, twirling his gun again. It went off again, this time almost striking Schwarz in the face.
"Be careful!" Schwarz and Ren shouted in unison. Schwarz was mad that he almost got shot in his beautiful face. Ren was mad at the lack of trigger discipline… and also that Schwarz's beautiful face almost got shot.
"Alright, everyone, get some sleep. We got a big day tomorrow," said Shaska, taking one last puff of her cigar before extinguishing it for the night.
—
The crew awoke shortly after daybreak. Lulupo retracted his hair, stood up, and stretched.
"Wake up, darlings!" he called. "Time for our march to Shahar!"
"Ugh…" Andy sat up and rubbed his sore back. "Can't we have breakfast first?"
"I feel fighting a war on an empty stomach is a bad idea," said Zinnia, stretching. Ruth hissed in approval.
"On it," said Shaska, not even bothering to light up a cigar. She dove into the river.
"Lady Shaska!" Prince Samudra shouted.
Shaska almost immediately came back out, carrying a green, white, and orange fish twice as big as she was.
"Mind roasting this sucker up, steak guy?"
Andy's mouth watered. "Absolutely!"
"You will do no such thing!" Samudra shouted angrily. He grabbed the fish and threw it back into the river, then turned to Shaska. "What part of 'the Nadee is a holy river' did you not understand?"
Shaska closed her eyes, tilted her head to the side, and stuck her pinky in her ear.
"That was a sacred Jeezgan Fish! We do not eat those! There are plenty of other fish we can eat, just not those!"
"Geez, prince. First cattle, and now giant fish. What do you longlegs eat?" Shaska asked, lighting up a cigar.
"Lady Shaska, while I appreciate the help you are going to provide in the upcoming battle, you have done nothing but disrespect the Panipuri Kingdom since you have gotten here!"
Shaska blew smoke.
"Please… Lady Shaska, behave yourself. If you want to meet my brother like you say, you must abide by our customs!"
"I mean, sorry I guess, but you didn't tell me about any of this shit before we got here."
"You will refrain from referring to my culture in such a manner!" Samudra scolded.
"So, now you're gonna police how I talk?" Shaska asked. "Want me to peel you a grape, too, Your Highness?" she added sarcastically.
She puffed on her cigar.
"Listen, prince, I don't have to do this. I'm only here because you said you could help me out with my government problems."
"Oh, you do have to help me. If you don't, I'll turn you in. The World Government won't arrest a prince!"
Lightning sparked between their eyes.
"Please don't fight," Puerco peeped.
"Then why the hell did they give you a bounty, my liege?"
Shaska shook her head, then looked at the prince.
"Look, prince, I think we're stuck together at this point. I think it's best we just go our separate ways after we're done saving the kingdom."
Shaska's voice was tinged with regret saying that. As handsome as the prince was, they came from two different worlds. In spite of her (massive, MASSIVE) wealth, Shaska was still a working class street rat at heart. She was certainly happy she never made a move on him.
"Lady Shaska…" the prince choked out.
"C'mon, let's go see your brother. Anyone have the time?"
"Hmm… based on the position of the sun, it seems to be around 7:30 a.m." said Zinnia, putting her navigational skills to use.
"Then we got what, six, seven hours to get there before he gets crowned?" Shaska asked with a puff of her cigar. "Let's go, men, women, and bald guy. We've got a kingdom to save."
Just then, five massive birds soared overhead toward Shahar.
"What were those?!" Ren shouted.
"Nothing to worry about, Lady Ren. Just rukh birds, they are a common method of conveyance in the Panipuri Kingdom," Samudra responded.
Schwarz was incensed at this. "And we slept on the cold, hard ground like peasants instead of taking one of those because?"
"Because I'm scared of heights," Samudra said with an innocent smile.
Schwarz jumped at Samudra to try and choke him, but he was too short. Samudra didn't notice and kept a dopey smile on his face.
—
As the sun rose on Lake Jheel and the city of Shahar, the figure of a woman rose out of the lake and stepped onto the shore. She stood around nine feet tall, and was clad in a pristine (if soaked) black suit and black gloves. Her skin was a light shade of purple, and she had visible gills on her neck. Her hair was shoulder length and a darker shade of purple than her skin. She looked to be around thirty years old and kept her hands in her pockets. She pulled out a pack of waterproof cigarettes and lit one up.
A longleg fisherman preparing for the day's work noticed her. "Excuse me… ma'am?"
The woman turned to him.
"Are… are you perhaps a fishwoman…?"
"What's it to ya?" she replied, taking a drag from her cigarette.
"You seem like good eating! You fish freaks all look delicious!"
The fishwoman blew smoke and simply said "I wouldn't try it if I were you."
She pulled out a badge and showed it to him.
"The name's Zeiko. I come representing the World Government's Cipher Pol W2 collections agency. Your crown prince has some explaining to do."
The fisherman stood there dumbfounded.
"Which way is it to the palace?"
TO BE CONTINUED