"Stop fucking squirming. It's not gonna help you."
Bishop hissed at the man below him with annoyance. "You're basically dead already, it's pointless."
The bandit still writhed and thrashed under him as he tried to escape, but it was no use. Bishop was straddling him firmly, holding him pinned to the ground by the weight while each of the man's wrists were gripped in Bishop's hands, pressed into the snow. He was utterly subdued, but he was still alive and very much conscious. That made things… uncomfortable.
He would have been dead by now. They weren't doing anything wrong. It wasn't some innocent civilian that they ambushed on the road. He had ambushed them along with his now dead friends. It wasn't the same like when Bishop used to do this shit for Thorn.
He knew that.
Besides there was no torture or ransom involved. It was just a couple of extra minutes. It couldn't even hurt that bad, could it?
It was just that… look. That look in the Dunmer's red eyes that was filled with so much panic and fear. That look in his eyes when he knew that he was going to die.
It brought back unpleasant memories.
"Get off me fucker! I'll make ya regret this ya stinkin' rotted horker! Yer gonna fuckin' wish ya killed me quick!" the bandit yelled at him in a screechy voice. Would knocking him out help? Bishop had no idea. And there was a chance that the blow would kill him with how beaten up he already was.
He just needed to wait.
"I'm sorry!" Aeyrin's familiar voice echoed from behind him at last, only a few moments later. He could already hear her rush through the snow, panting in exhaustion. It took a while for her to return, but now she finally appeared and promptly kneeled by the bandit's side with a Dwemer contraption in her hand.
"Your… pack…" she huffed, still trying to catch her breath. "It was… way over there. And almost… snowed under." She vaguely gestured in some random direction, but even though she was addressing Bishop, her eyes were fastened on the man on the ground with a deep frown on her face.
"The fuck is this?! Lemme go ya freaks! What are ya tryin' here?!" the man yelled, before he suddenly made a strange gurgling sound. Bishop had almost thought that Aeyrin was already getting to work, for a split second, but she didn't even move yet. Instead, a thick glob of spit landed on his cheek, followed by a malicious chuckle from the elf on the ground.
Bishop growled in frustration, but there was not much he could do. He had to hold the man's hands down. He had the urge to spit back on the elf, but… he would get worse in a second.
"I will gut ya both, just ya wait!" The bandit snarled again. Aeyrin was still kneeling there by his side with her eyes fastened on him. She clutched the contraption in her hands, but she made no motion to move. There was a palpably disturbed look on her face. The Dunmer was even making this seemingly easier by his constant threats and insults, but she still looked like she couldn't bring herself to act.
"He would be already dead," Bishop addressed her with as comforting a tone as he could muster. He understood. This was certainly different from the Falmer. And he knew how this all felt. He knew how doing much worse felt. But what else was there to do? Who else was there to use but the bloodthirsty bandits who had no qualms about attacking them, and probably doing much worse than robbing them blind. "For a good cause." He added resolutely.
Aeyrin finally tore her eyes from the Dunmer as she met Bishop's gaze. She wished that she had gotten to the bandit sooner so that Bishop would be the one who had to use that contraption. Then again… his position did not seem much better. Her expression was still disturbingly uncertain, but she managed to nod. There were a few clanking sounds for a bit as her armored hands shivered against the metal of the contraption, but soon, the bandit's shriek drowned everything else out. The needle entered his exposed neck and one of the tubes started to slowly fill with blood.
"The fuck?! The fuck?! Get off! Get it off! I will gauge out yer fuckin' eyes fer this!" The bandit shrieked into the silence of the snowy plain.
That was fucking disturbing. Bishop let out another groan as the man continued to yell. He tried to concentrate on Aeyrin but the sight wasn't much better. She had her eyes closed firmly and her head turned to the side, as if it would help her not hear the man.
"Get his arm!" Bishop growled loudly enough so that he could be heard over the bandit's screams. Aeyrin didn't look like she registered it, but after a brief second, he noticed her move her knee to press against one of the man's arms firmly, pinning it to the ground along with Bishop's hand.
Finally!
Bishop quickly let go of the secured arm and pressed his palm over the bandit's mouth. The shrieks could still be heard, but now at least their content couldn't. It was a little better.
Aeyrin quickly shot him a grateful smile, but her expression still couldn't hide how much she hated this. It was necessary though. There were no better alternatives for them. Not that they knew of.
The muffled screams were starting to slow as the man's wooziness took over. It only took a few more seconds before the vial was filled and the first part was over. Fortunately, the second part was much quicker.
Aeyrin still looked very disturbed as she clutched the contraption in her hands. She watched the blood for a while and her eyes were still returning to that man on the ground with some measure of regret. Luckily the bandit seemed to be out of it already. Now he just needed to die.
Bishop didn't want to prolong this anymore. He finally let go of the man's face and he moved his hand towards Aeyrin's belt. She barely even reacted when he quickly unsheathed her Dwemer dagger instead of her and brought it to the bandit's neck.
It was quick. It only took a second before a few wavy strings of light left the bandit's body and flew straight towards the black soul gem embedded in the device. The faint glow of the gem got slightly brighter, but it still didn't glow as bright as any other filled gem. They've had a long way to go yet.
"I hate this," Aeyrin whispered somberly. The idea of having to do this three more times was really off-putting.
"I know," Bishop sighed while he finally got off the man's corpse. "But..."
"I know. You don't have to say it," Aeyrin nodded. She knew that this was necessary. They didn't know about any other way of reaching Blackreach. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad on any other day but today had already been draining. They left Windhelm in the morning, after saying their goodbyes to the elves and Free-Winter, and they haven't even had enough time to talk much about the happenings in the city on the road. First there was a snowstorm which left them little to do but to begrudgingly weather the elements, prolonging the journey with arduous walking, until they found a place to rest near Nightgate Inn. It was the same cave where she had spent the night with Raven some time ago.
They could have gone to the inn, but… Bishop told her about the assassin in Windhelm. Briefly, but she got the gist. It would have been dangerous to stay in civilization after that, they assumed. The assassin might have still had something up her sleeve and they could protect themselves better in the wilderness.
Unfortunately, a group of bandits intercepted them before they could even reach their destined cavern. And now they were here, seizing the opportunity to get a little bit closer to their key to Blackreach.
At least now it was done. And they could finally get a moment of peace.
As much as they could.
…
Aeyrin moved herself even closer to the fire to warm up while Bishop was still fiddling with the trap at the cavern entrance.
It was such a cold day, especially after they've spent so long drudging through that snow storm, freezing. Well… she was freezing. Bishop was mildly annoyed. And now she felt like she still needed to thaw out. She was even reluctant to remove her armor and once she did, she instantly wrapped herself in a blanket as waited for Bishop to finish until he could warm her up. He had been securing the cavern with those bolt traps for at least half an hour already, really meticulously. It was obvious how on edge he was after the events in Windhelm.
She couldn't blame him. It all left her in a strange state and that was before she actually found out what had happened to him while she was pointlessly trying to escape Calixto. Now she was not only rattled from the experience, but also anxious and paranoid about assassins.
Bishop was taking the events very seriously though. He had left her in charge of making sure that the horker meat on the fire wouldn't get burned while he turned the cavern into a veritable death trap. Nobody was going to get inside. And nobody was going to get outside yet either, but it wasn't as if either of them wanted to. Even Karnwyr was much more eager to curl up by the fire than go back outside into the fresh snow.
Aeyrin occasionally turned the meat over in the pot on the fire, but mostly she had been too preoccupied with watching the flames.
It was… strange how much the events in that abandoned house made her dwell on things long pushed into the back of her mind. Every dancing spark in front of her just brought images back to her. Of her being on that table, unable to move, watching the fire engulf the world around her. And she still couldn't stop thinking about how… ironic that end would have been.
She didn't want to think about any of that anymore. And the longer she couldn't help but do just that, the more morose she got when Bishop still continued tinkering with the traps. She needed a distraction. And something else to warm her up, besides the flames.
She wasn't feeling bitter towards him. It wasn't his fault. None of it was. He was just being careful. It was just that they were here, like this. She just couldn't help but remember that a year ago, they would have barely concerned themselves with anything but getting rid of their clothes and tossing every worry into the wind.
Aeyrin got lost in her thoughts, staring into the fire again, but she got interrupted sooner than she had expected by Bishop's hand dragging her away and into his embrace. She hadn't even noticed him approach but that hardly concerned her now. She eagerly turned around and buried her face into his chest with relief and affection.
He was always so warm. How was he always so warm? He just spent so long by the cavern entrance in clothes damp from being previously smooshed under his leather armor, exposed to the freezing wind still bellowing outside. Yet there was still so much heat radiating from him. He promptly snuck his hand below the blanket that she was still snuggled into and he started to rapidly rub her cold arms.
"You're still so fucking cold," he chuckled a bit. The cave wasn't exactly warm, probably, but the fire and the blanket should have provided at least some warmth, right? "Come on, let's get closer to the fire." He nudged her to move gently. He had just dragged her away from it, but seeing how she was still shivering at times, it probably wasn't the best idea.
"No," Aeyrin's voice got a bit muffled by the fabric of his shirt while she still kept her face pressed into his chest. Her message was, however, clear when she began to shake her head vehemently. She didn't want to even feel the fire near her anymore.
It took a minute for Bishop to realize why she could possibly refuse more warmth. He gently moved his hand to her cheek, cupping it, and he tilted her head back a bit, forcing her to look at him.
"Must have been scary," his brows furrowed with concern. "With the fire, when you couldn't move."
Aeyrin nodded her head slowly as her eyes involuntarily drifted to the side, towards the flames again. She really didn't want to dwell on any of it, but she couldn't help it. As anxious as it had made her, it was better when they were talking about that assassin. At least she could worry about Bishop instead of dwelling on bad memories.
"Must have been scary to be held hostage by a crazy assassin," she turned the topic back to his misadventure promptly with a sympathetic gaze.
Bishop smirked at her in response, but his brows were still creased. "Hmm… if she really wanted me dead, she probably would have done it right away somehow, I was more worried about you. It was still not a good idea to piss her off though," he sighed dejectedly. If he hadn't been in such a precarious hold by Gabriella, he would have risked it long before he actually did. But with things being as they were, if he had tried something, that blade would have slit his throat within a second. It was too risky.
Aeyrin pressed herself closer to him and, just then, he wasn't sure if it was to stave off the cold or if it was just her being anxious about what had transpired. So without any other idea about what to do after everything that had happened, he tried to sound as comforting as he could. "It is safer here than in the city. The traps should at the very least warn us about anyone getting near. And Karnwyr's another good precaution."
At the sound of his name, the wolf raised his head from the ground, but when he saw that it was nothing important, he promptly lowered it again and began snoozing by the fire once more.
"I hope so," Aeyrin let out an unconvinced sigh. "I just don't wanna…"
Before she could finish, Bishop's finger pressed to her lips, shushing her promptly. There was a brief moment of noise from the outside – snapping branches and crunching of snow and he fastened his keen eyes on the entrance to the cavern quickly. It became clear after a minute though that it was just the strong wind outside.
As much as he had been trying to sound comforting and reassuring, he could not hide how on edge he actually was. He turned to her with a gentle smile a second later, as if he was trying to look relieved, but he was hardly convincing.
Aeyrin nuzzled herself even more firmly into his embrace. She wasn't sure if it was more for her comfort or for his, but it did make her feel a little better. Still, it kept gnawing at her. How they had to live. How they had to watch their backs constantly. It didn't seem like it was the same way before. She remembered being so carefree at his side. Mostly. She just wanted to go back to that.
"Do you ever get tired of this?" she sighed somberly while Bishop began to rake his fingers through her hair in slow motions.
"Being alone with you?" Bishop smirked in response. "Never."
As sweet as that was, it was not what she was concerned about.
"No. I mean… this." She nudged her head vaguely towards the trapped cavern entrance, but it was probably not very obvious while she was still buried in his arms. "The constant danger. The paranoia and… having to do this just so that we can have a night of sleep."
Bishop nodded somberly. He understood that, he did wish that there was no need for precautions like these. But with something like the Brotherhood on their tail, there weren't many other options. He kept dreading the day when they would try a different method of getting to him. It was not as if they couldn't start threatening Aeyrin's life, even if they didn't want him dead.
"We gotta be careful," he sighed.
"I know that," she retorted. "It's just… it's been a lot… lately. I just keep thinking about how we used to be able to just set camp in the middle of a forest and never worry about ambushes or assassins, or… I don't even know."
"Yeah… I know. I do miss that," Bishop nodded before he placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. There was nothing that he would like more than to just spend a carefree night with her somewhere in the wilderness, surrounded by nothing but trees with no traps, without having every sound around him get his heart racing. Those fucking assassins. Couldn't they just leave him alone? What could they still possibly want from him? He already refused pretty adamantly. Several times.
"I wish we could just get away," Aeyrin started to lazily draw circles on the fabric of his shirt while she mused out loud. "I don't mean that I would want to just stop traveling and adventuring and helping people . But… sometimes… I don't know…" She let out another mournful sigh while her fingers still played idly. "It would just be nice to have somewhere to escape it all. Just for a while."
Bishop didn't really answer, but he nodded thoughtfully. He understood that all too well. He had no desire to give up the excitement of delving into ancient ruins with her, of spending their nights under the canopy of trees with nothing and no one around. But… a safe place away from it all for a while would be nice.
It made him strangely happy to hear her say that and not only because they were on the same page about that. He was still a bit nervous about that cottage – whether she would even want something like that. But she would. It was something that he could give her. He couldn't wait to do that, to see the look on her face. To spend time with her there, alone, completely undisturbed.
He got such an urge to tell her all about it, but he couldn't. Not yet. It was an abandoned wreck now, hardly fit for pleasant peaceful nights. And… it was far from safe. It wouldn't magically shield them from their enemies, especially not from the Brotherhood. Not to mention that it was practically outside of Riften's gates.
No. He had to be patient. As much as he wanted to take her there and probably not come out of that house for at least a week, none of that was really possible or safe now.
He could wait. Things wouldn't be like this forever. They just had to deal with the Guild first. And the Brotherhood. Although just thinking about all that turned his mood morose again.
He. Could. Wait.
All this shit had to get resolved someday, right?
"I think our dinner's getting burned," Aeyrin interrupted the somber silence with a light sigh. It was. They haven't even noticed, but it was not as if it could make the day that much worse.
It was already bad enough.
…
The meat was fortunately not burnt much yet. It was still good. At least one thing managed to lift their spirits, as little as it was.
After last night, neither of them had much energy to do anything but to get some proper rest at last.
While Bishop was putting away the rest of their dishes, Aeyrin started setting up their bedroll with another mournful sigh.
"What?" Bishop turned his head to her with a slight smirk. He wasn't even sure why he asked though. Their mood hadn't really improved throughout the evening; it was hardly surprising to hear something like that from her.
"My shirt's gone," she grumbled in response. "Your shirt." Besides her undergarments, it was the only thing that she had been wearing when Calixto took her. It was also the only thing that he had taken from her, fortunately. He had no interest in actually undressing her completely, as long as he could drain her blood, and he had no interest in taking away the ring around her neck either to sell it or something. It would have likely only given him away as the killer, if he had gotten away with it. She should probably be glad that it was just an old worn shirt and not her expensive new clothes, but that shirt was far more sentimental. And even if it survived the fire, she was not going to ask the Stormcloaks of all people to look for some old tunic in the house she set aflame.
Bishop chuckled affectionately at her. It was just an old useless shirt, but it was cute how attached to it she was. He knew that it was just because it used to belong to him. Fortunately, that was easily fixed now.
"You can have this one," he smirked at her before he draped his shirt over his head and threw the clumped cloth at her promptly.
Aeyrin caught the shirt with a grateful smile. It smelled strongly of smoke, not just from how it normally would from their campfire – it was clearly still like that after Bishop had barged into the burning house since they had nowhere to properly wash anything since then. But it was still the gesture that she was hoping for. She would have to return it in the morning , otherwise Bishop would have nothing to wear under his armor, but at least she could wear it through the night.
"Wait… no," Bishop turned towards her again with a scowl. "Give it back. You're gonna have to claim it again properly," he grinned. The last one was her 'trophy', as she had said.
Aeyrin let out a faint giggle but she still shook her head with regret. "I don't think I'm up for it tonight, Bish." As much as those usual distractions could help, she was beyond exhausted and hardly in the mood. Oddly enough, she just felt like wallowing in misery for a while.
"Hmm, yeah," Bishop nodded. He was rather tired himself. The night before was no easier on him. "Fine. Keep it for tonight. But you've gotta earn it next time," he chuckled. It was probably for the best if she wore it tonight. If she was naked, it would just tempt him endlessly and she really didn't seem in the mood. And he was quite ready to just pass out too.
He finally got everything cleaned up while Aeyrin snuggled herself into the blankets of their bedroll eagerly. But before he could join her, he grabbed a hold of their pot and walked towards the accumulated snow by the entrance to the cavern. Fortunately it was blown in by the wind far enough for him to avoid the traps he had set there. He filled the pot with snow and brought it back towards the campfire promptly.
"I'm gonna douse the fire. You know… just in case," he sighed. He didn't want to attract any unnecessary attention to their hiding place while they were sleeping. Aeyrin would definitely be much colder like that, but hopefully he would be able to warm her up enough. To his surprise though, she didn't protest.
"Good. I don't wanna listen to it anymore," she merely grumbled. The constant crackling of the flames did not do much to take her mind off the memories.
Seeing that reaction, Bishop quickly poured out the contents of the pot into the fire, dousing the flames with a loud hiss, before he threw the pot aside and crawled into the bedroll as well. She still seemed rattled from her experience at that house. Not that he could blame her. She told the guard captain what happened – how Calixto tricked her, how he wanted to drain her of her blood to resurrect that… sister of his. And she told the captain about the spells that Calixto was casting and how she managed to kill the man. Bishop and her, however, have not spoken about it since. There was hardly any time to talk candidly and the little they found, he spent explaining to her who Gabriella was and what happened with her. He suspected that Aeyrin had already divulged a large part of what had happened to her during the interrogations, but he knew her well. There were details that she wouldn't get into in front of strangers. He couldn't be exactly sure about what had transpired.
Her back was turned to him, and towards the doused campfire, while she huddled in the blankets and in his shirt. Bishop promptly pressed himself against her and draped his arm over her midsection, enveloping her in his embrace. She wasn't trying to sleep yet. Even in the darkness, he could see that her eyes were still open.
He gently nudged her, urging her to turn over in his arms and she did so without hesitation. Her arms folded against his chest and leg draped over his own, but she didn't say anything. Even though she was still just staring into space absentmindedly.
"Do you wanna talk?" Bishop prodded her after a moment of silence. At last her eyes met his.
She shook her head, but she shrugged at the same time. He wasn't really sure what to make of that gesture, so he decided to just cut to the chase outright.
"What happened? What did he do?" he scowled, although he did try to keep some measure of reassurance on his face.
Aeyrin seemed almost surprised at that question. "Just… what I said," she shrugged again.
"Really?" He raised his brows. Not that that alone wasn't bad enough, but for some reason, he had expected something worse. It was just the outcome that wasn't bad though. He knew that the experience must have been traumatizing.
"Y-yeah. He just… wanted to… get his parts for that… thing," she let out a sigh.
"Your blood. Yeah, you said. Sick fuck," Bishop growled angrily. It was probably good that that asshole only wanted her blood though. The process obviously took long enough for her to manage to get rid of him.
"Yeah. My blood. And my nose," she grumbled while she scrunched up her face.
Her nose? She didn't mention that to the guards. That fucker, Bishop kind of wished that he got to kill him himself. It was definitely lucky that Aeyrin managed to get rid of him before he could actually cut anything off.
He let out an angry sigh. There was no point in dwelling over this. The man was dead. Instead he placed his hand on Aeyrin's cheek gently and started to stroke over her skin. "It is a cute nose," he smirked before leaning closer in to plant a brief kiss on the tip of it.
Aeyrin's lips quirked up, but only for a second. A morose expression returned to her face in a moment and she averted her eyes with almost a silent murmur. "Hmpf. Apparently the only 'acceptable' thing on me…"
"What?" Bishop raised his brows once more. Did that mean what it sounded like? "Are you… upset that he only wanted your nose?" He couldn't help but chuckle at it. He knew that it must have been a shitty experience, but he couldn't help himself. That was so ridiculous. And kinda cute. Did she really get insecure about an insane killer not wanting to cut her up?
"It's not funny," she pouted. "He didn't like my eyes, said my breasts were too small…" she continued to grumble.
"Princess," he interrupted her still with a subdued chuckle. "He fantasized about his sister assembled from random corpses. I think it's safe to say that he does not have good taste."
She smiled a bit, but she still looked kind of morose. Bishop only leaned in to plant another kiss on the top of her head while one of his hands snuck in between their bodies. "Besides, he was definitely wrong about that," he grinned and cupped her breast over the shirt eagerly. "And you can believe me. I have good taste." With another smirk, he moved to kiss her again, this time languidly on her lips. He could feel her smiling against him, but a second later, she pulled away.
"Do you? Because you slept with an assassin," she scoffed, but there was definitely a hint of teasing in her tone.
"I did not know that she was an assassin," he grumbled in response. Well… he wasn't exactly sure if that would have deterred him at that point in his life, but he hoped that it would have. He had always been too wary of unnecessarily complicated shit and sleeping with an assassin just screamed 'trouble'. And she did kind of use him to kill a bunch of people and get away with it without any suspicion. Right now, he felt a little stupid for not suspecting anything strange, but then again, he wasn't really concerned about the murdered people. It only annoyed him to be questioned about them. Otherwise it was just a more or less regular night back then with some drinks and a girl in his bed.
"Would that change anything?" Aeyrin smirked a bit. It seemed like she was wondering the same thing.
"I think so. I tend to not want to get murdered in my sleep," Bishop scoffed in response. "She was just a pretty elf in a tavern. I wasn't really concerned about much else."
"I'm sensing a pattern," she gave him a light smile in response.
"You're talking about the tavern, right? Because there's not a lot of elves in them around here." And with the war and shit, even when there were, not a lot of them were too eager to even talk to a Nord. He didn't even want to think about how lucky he was that Aeyrin only just came to Skyrim and wasn't too wary of a Nord. Although… even through all the shit that she'd been through with Stormcloaks and so many others, he was still convinced that she would have been just as willing to help him now. He loved that about her.
"So no irresistible attraction to elves on your part?" she smirked at him again. The lighthearted conversation did seem to lessen her previously sour mood a little, but her brows were still creased as if she just couldn't take her mind off the events from last night. Well… he couldn't really blame her. He had a hard time doing that too.
"I don't know," he chuckled. He was never really picky, especially after a couple of drinks. And he definitely didn't find all the elven women he'd ever seen attractive, but there were some things that he found a bit more intriguing about them. "I did always like the ears," he grinned before he tilted his head to slowly nibble on her earlobe.
"Ah…" she sighed. She couldn't help it. Maybe if she weren't in such a bad mood, always trying to stave off the memories, she wouldn't have dwelled on silly things like these, but that was apparently not to be now. Then again, it was slightly better to be concerned over her own irrational insecurities rather than the memories.
When he heard her somber sigh, Bishop stopped playing with her ear and pulled back to look at her again with concern. She wasn't even sure why she still hesitated about talking to him about these silly things. He always made her feel better somehow.
"Calixto didn't want my ears because one is… damaged," she mumbled under her breath and it took a few seconds that felt way too long, before she spoke again quietly. "Does it bother you?"
Bishop wasn't sure why she would even ask that. As if she didn't know that he loved everything about her. But he didn't like to see her still being insecure about this. He was originally worried about the 'damage' too, when he was afraid it would just constantly make her remember Thorn. The least he could do was to reassure her that it didn't bother him. "Hmm, at first, I kinda hated the idea of it being a reminder of… that night," he sighed, but before he could continue, Aeyrin interrupted him with a somewhat hopeful look on her face.
"'At first'?"
"Yeah." He smiled at her gently. "I don't really think about that when I look at it though. I like it. It's unique. And it's so fucking cute how flustered you get over it," he chuckled fondly. At first that frantic gesture worried him, but that changed when she stopped doing that, only in front of him. As weird as it was, enjoying her get like that around other people, he just loved being reminded how much more at ease she was around him.
"I'm glad my insecurity entertains you," Aeyrin scoffed.
"It does," he smirked at her, but when that pout did not disappear from her face, he continued defensively. "Come on, like you don't get all giddy whenever I get jealous or something. It's the same damn thing."
True, he was kind of adorable when he was being insecure himself. He would hate if she called him that, but that just made it even better for some reason. She nodded at him with a slight smile. If only she could just try to fill her mind with that instead of the constant returning images.
"Not that I'd want that fucking Calixto to cut off anything else," he sighed. As much as he came to like it, she hardly needed more reminders of the shit that she had to endure. "I'm glad that he didn't manage to hurt you more. Can't believe that fucker even had the luck to get you alone." If only he didn't get diverted by that stupid lummox, he was sure that he would have been back in their room in time to foil Calixto's plans.
"He told me that he manipulated that Rolf guy into picking a fight with you again," Aeyrin explained promptly. "I was worried about what happened to you. Why you haven't found me yet," she shook her head a bit. He wasn't sure if she was chastising herself for relying on him so much or whether it was about how ridiculous it was to be concerned about some drunk when Bishop was actually threatened by someone much worse.
He had no idea that the fight with that idiot had been 'staged' in a way, but it just didn't seem that important after everything that's happened.
"Well… not like that was the worst thing he's done," Bishop snorted. He didn't even have it in him to be actually pissed off about that fight. Even considering what it led to. Calixto was dead and that idiot lummox was just a tool. Bishop was, surprisingly enough, just relieved that both him and Aeyrin were alive now.
"Y-yeah…" Aeyrin stammered with a strange hint of surprise in her voice, as if she didn't expect those words. Weird. He didn't say anything unusual.
There was a long moment of silence. Despite the darkness, Bishop saw her staring into nothing again with a deep crease between her brows, yet he didn't really know what to say anymore. But a few minutes later, she interrupted the silence herself.
"Bish," her voice turned into a careful whisper. "What's the worst thing you've ever done?"
Bishop let out an uncomfortable cough at the question. This was the last thing he expected just then. And this was the last thing he ever expected her to actually ask. She didn't want to know. She never wanted to know, not about what he had been doing under Thorn's thumb. Why would she ask that?
Granted, he may not have been going on a killing spree to assemble himself a fuck-toy or something, but he knew that he had done some fucked up shit. She knew too. Why would she want details? But she was looking at him so intently, he had a feeling that something like 'you don't wanna know' would not satisfy her. There must have been a reason for that question.
Although… he didn't even know the answer to that.
"It's… a long list," he let out a resigned sigh. "I don't know. To me, betraying Jules was the worst thing I've ever done. Because of what happened and because it was him. I know that I did worse to people I didn't know though."
Aeyrin swallowed audibly, but she didn't say a word. She was still looking at him, waiting for him to continue. He honestly didn't know what else to say.
"I… uh… I don't know what the worst thing was. It's all the same when I look back on it but… sometimes you remember. Some shit… stays with you," he shrugged uncertainly. He really didn't know how to explain it and he really didn't have any specific examples for her just then. Not that he would exactly be eager to share them.
"Yeah…" Aeyrin nodded at him with odd eagerness and an understanding tone in her voice. Bishop wasn't sure why it felt so… sincere. As if she really did understand. It just made him wonder about the reason for her question all the more. Did she want him to ask?
"What's the worst thing you've ever done?" he looked at her with uncertainty. He got the urge to add some kind of quip about her petty thievery in her youth, but this conversation seemed oddly too serious for that.
She swallowed again. It was obvious that she had expected that question, but now that it came, she got too nervous. She broke eye contact instantly and started to look down at his chest. She began idly playing with the hairs there, but he could feel the trepidation in her fingers' movements. He didn't pry anymore though. And soon enough, she finally started to speak.
"Ri'zhassa used to say… 'everyone gets what's coming to them'," her voice trembled a bit, but she kept talking despite that. "He punished people who crossed him. Who didn't pay or who stole from him. I knew that. Everyone knew that. He wanted people to know that because it scared them straight."
Bishop nodded at her, but he wasn't sure if she even noticed. She was still too preoccupied with staring at his chest and running her trembling fingers over it idly.
"And… so one day, he told me that someone needed to be punished. They owed him a lot of money. And he wanted me to help. He…" she took a deep breath before continuing. "He told me to burn down a house in the slums. He didn't make it a game like he tended to when I was little; there were no stupid green rabbits or anything. I just… I knew what he wanted me to do. I was scared of him. And he said that it was just a house. Just things."
Finally she looked back up at him. Her eyes were glistening, but she barely even blinked. It was as if she wanted to see his reaction, despite the fact that the tears were already slowly escaping her. Her voice did not even quiver though. She spoke with surprising determination.
"He used me because nobody would suspect me if I was running from the scene. Or maybe it was some test of loyalty. I have no idea. He had his thugs prepare everything, coat the shack in oil in the dead of night, and then when the day came, he told me to bar the door so that no one could get in and take care of the flames. He wanted that man to lose everything." Aeyrin swallowed again, but surprisingly enough, she still didn't look away from him. "He was watching me, and when I did what he wanted, I just… stood there. He yelled at me to run, but I couldn't, so he had to drag me away before people came. I think it made using me kind of pointless in the end, since he had to come near the house to get me. But I… I heard the screams from the inside. I tried to tell Ri'zhassa, but he didn't care. He knew."
Bishop stayed silent while he only tried to comfort her by stroking gently over her arm. She averted her eyes again and there was a moment of silence once more. He didn't know what to say. It was all very familiar. He may not have done this exact same thing, but how much messed up shit he did on someone's order because he was scared not to? It was all the same. He hated all that shit. And he hated even more that Aeyrin had to go through something like that too. But he was certainly the last person to judge, if that was what she was worried about.
"Yesterday… when I couldn't move and the house was burning," she took a deep breath, continuing now with a shaky voice. "I thought that I deserved that. That I would 'get what's coming to me'."
"You didn't know," Bishop scowled while he still continued running his hand over her arm comfortingly. That fucking Khajiit told her that it was just a house, right? "And you were just a kid. He did that."
"Y-yeah. I keep telling myself…" her voice cracked palpably. "I keep trying to tell myself. But… I think I knew." It was so long ago. Everything about that day seemed… hazy. But she remembered that feeling all too well. The bar on the door – when Ri'zhassa told her that it was what she needed to do, she knew. She may have been a kid, but she wasn't stupid. Baring the door from the outside would only serve to keep everyone in, she remembered realizing that, even back then. And she remembered all the stories that everyone kept telling about Ri'zhassa. She knew what he did to people. He didn't just destroy their things. He destroyed lives. She knew what she was asked to do back then.
"Yeah," Bishop nodded somberly. She couldn't help but look at him in surprise. She expected more reassurances and platitudes about how none of this was her fault. It was what Master Therien had always told her. She tried to believe him so much, but it didn't always work. She certainly didn't expect Bishop to actually agree with her.
"I… I know," he sighed. "You keep telling yourself that. You were just a kid. You didn't know any better. You had no choice. But you did. You knew. You knew what you were doing, what would happen, but you did it anyway because you were scared and risking punishment never felt like an option." Now he was the one who didn't look at her and she could do nothing but stare at him in shock. Nobody ever actually agreed that this was her fault. It almost made her get defensive. But… it was also strangely… comforting.
"Being a kid changes nothing but the excuses you make for yourself later. It still feels the same. And you just gotta live with it," he looked back at her again and an oddly sad smirk appeared on his face. "That shit with the bounties on the Thrice-Banished… you, Lydia, Elisif, everyone keeps telling me how it's not fair, how I was just a kid. I… don't really remember Skyrim from back then. But I remember a lot after. I wasn't some innocent boy who didn't know any better. I did whatever Torban wanted because I didn't wanna get beaten. I was a kid, but I knew what I was doing. I knew I was stealing from some fuckers who had barely enough to feed themselves. I knew I was playing bait in ambushes and smuggling dangerous shit that would end up hurting people. We all knew this shit. It was just easier to go with it. Why would you sacrifice yourself for some strangers after all, right? It's… what you do until you're fed up, I guess. It's all the same. Torban, Thorn, Frey or Ri'zhassa, it doesn't make a difference. You'll always end up doing shit you'll regret. And it will always be on you. You just gotta try to get out when you finally see a way out."
Aeyrin was still staring at him with shock in her eyes and he had no idea if what he was saying was actually doing anything to help. Maybe it was just making shit worse for her. Maybe she didn't want to hear that stuff. He just… thought it would be comforting to have someone who understood this. He always had Jules for that. They've been through the same shit together. But she had no one but priests who tried to make excuses for her instead. But maybe they had the right idea…
"Y-yeah," Aeyrin suddenly nodded. He could have sworn that her lips quirked up a bit. It didn't do much for her somber expression, but the tone of her voice sounded a bit lighter. "You're right. Nothing to do but to learn to live with it… I guess." Her fingers stopped playing with him after a long time and, instead, she wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace. She buried herself in his chest, but even though he expected her to start sobbing, she didn't. She only repeated those words again with surprising calm. "You're right."
Bishop wrapped his arms around her in turn without prompting. He rested his chin on her head before he leaned down briefly to plant a gentle kiss there. "You're a different person now." He hoped that it sounded reassuring.
"So are you," her words were muffled a bit by the tight embrace. "I mean… you didn't even let yourself be recruited by assassins." A soft giggle followed her words and Bishop couldn't help but chuckle at that too.
"Yeah. Progress, I guess," he smirked.
Aeyrin giggled softly again before she pulled back a bit to look at him once more with a fond smile on her face. Her cheeks were still stained with tears, but she looked much less concerned than she had before.
Bishop moved his hands to cup her cheeks and his thumbs brushed her skin to wipe away the tears. He leaned in to briefly kiss her lips before he looked at her again with a resolute nod and a slight smirk.
"Enough of this, sweetheart. We've been through enough shit lately to earn a break. I don't care what those fucking paladins have going on or about anything that the Legion might concoct. I never thought I'd say this, but we're gonna have fun in Solitude."
Aeyrin couldn't help but chuckle at him. She didn't expect him of all people to ever use the words 'fun' and 'Solitude' in the same sentence.
But just then it sounded like the best plan in the world.