So due to some issues with fanfiction, I can't read all the reviews posted. So I will respond to the ones I can see, until the issue is resolved. In the meantime, even if I can't read them, keep them coming!

Aakareo Kokokuhikari: Thanks. Yes, I've been working a long time on this setup. Since essentially the beginning, I had a good idea of where I wanted things to go. My only concern is that I'm not sure if the payoff will do the hype I've built justice. Hopefully 1k isn't a pipe dream.

Just a Bad Writer for Fun: And there might be more we've yet to see, as well…

KedharS: Most definitely.

TREBOR.E: Irony is often comical.

Pokemon Academy: Beginning of Beginnings

Chapter 166

Behind her eyelids, Sango could not find the wonder of sleep in order to embrace it. It was two in the morning, and she still had not gotten any sleep. She would have to be bright-eyed and ready to patrol in a couple of hours; but as tired as she was, she just couldn't drift off.

If only this bed were more comfortable… Sango told herself, even though she knew full well that comfort was not the reason she couldn't get to sleep. It had nothing to do with Haley's snoring across the room, or with the hard bed that she'd spent her first week here getting used to, that was so much less relaxing than the soft, cozy bed back at home in her dorm room. Those things didn't help, but what was really keeping her up that night, what was digging into her like a drill and preventing her from relaxing enough to let her exhaustion set in, were the words that Petal had spoken to her. The revelation about the Children of the Oracles, the idea that they might have infiltrated the school, the fact that not too long from now, one of them might be trying to sneak into Galar to find another one of those strange rocks, or the thought that she had held one of those ominous stones…

All those details weighed down on her, but none of them were the thing occupying the anxiety in her mind that night. What consumed her waking thoughts was the knowledge of just what she learned about one person in particular. Someone who, the night before, she had drifted off to sleep feeling anxious over for an entirely different reason.

How could she face Blake when she returned to school, knowing what she now knew? This was a side of him that he had never shared with her before. She had seen the pain on his face when she brought up his scars. She had seen the damage they had left with her own eyes, as well. And that was fine. She didn't need him to tell her anything. She trusted him no matter what, and she didn't want to pry into something so painful for him. Something as horrible as what he'd been through, that was something he would have to reveal to her for himself, when he was ready. If he ever was. She had worried over it, and had been tempted to ask him for more details. But she respected him too much to pry. Some things were better left private, because they were none of her business unless he wanted to let her in. And if he never told her, she would have been fine with that. She would have been curious, but she would not have gone any further than that. Because in spite of what Petal had said, in spite of what she had later read on the topic in old online articles, Blake was still Blake. He was still her friend, even if the way she felt about him yearned for something deeper. She didn't need to know any of this. But now she did. And there was no going back, now that she'd learned the truth about what had happened to him. Could she really continue behaving like nothing was wrong, knowing what she knew now? It was like she had snuck into his desk while he was asleep and read his diary. Whether she had wanted to or not, she had come into a deep and clearly painful part of his history uninvited, and had violated his privacy in the worst way possible. What could she tell him? That she hadn't meant to do it? That someone had told her, and if she had known what she would learn from them she would have dropped the issue before it came up? Those words were the truth, of course. But the truth just wasn't good enough. Not for her. Because truthfully, things would change. That was the scariest part. It wasn't just the guilt at having hurt Blake that was tearing her up inside. She felt horrible for him, certainly, and she felt that, for her hand in things, she had done something unforgiveable. It was agonizing to have to look at her own anxiety and see how horrible of a person it showed her to really be, deep down. Because where someone would feel awful about having violated a friend's boundaries…

Here she was, thinking about how it would make Blake think about her.

That's what it was all about in the end, wasn't it? All her talk about loving Blake and wanting to take care of him, and help him, at the end of the day, it was all about her. Oh, certainly, she felt bad about what she'd done. But that wasn't what was occupying her. That wasn't what was making her anxious. What was tearing her up inside was the fear of how it would affect their relationship. How, when all was said and done and the truth came out, Blake might distance himself from her. He might cast a wary look at her from now on, and keep her at a distance knowing she knew his tragic secret. Sango could see the end of the intimate friendship they'd built over the past months rapidly approaching, and that was what made sleeping so difficult for her.

She should be feeling bad for Blake. But what she felt the worst about was herself, and how he would think about her.

I really am no good… Sango told herself, feeling a catch in her throat as she began to cry. Look at me, how bold I was, telling Claire about how I loved Blake no matter what. I've only been thinking of myself this whole time.

In the past weeks, whenever Sango felt insecure about her relationship with Blake, a certain handsome face would pop up in her mind.

If Ayame had heard what I did… what would she be thinking? Sango wondered. No, I know what she would do. She would try not to cry, but she'd be far more broken up over what happened. She'd call Blake up immediately and tell him everything. She'd apologize for having invaded his privacy, and she'd beg for his forgiveness. She wouldn't be afraid of things changing. She'd own up to what had happened, even if it meant she'd lose Blake. She wouldn't lose heart the way I have. Knowing her… Blake's peace of mind would be so much more important than her own comfort and happiness. Compared to her, I…

Sango turned over in her bed and quietly sobbed into her pillowcase.

I really should just get out of the way and let the two them be happy…

With those painful thoughts rooted in her mind, Sango soon drifted off into a weary and restless sparse few hours of sleep.

Sango was bleary-eyed and fatigued when she slogged her way into the common area, much to the surprise of her fellow rangers. Sango's boundless energy had established her position as the kind of person who was bright and eager even early in the mornings. Of course, they couldn't begin to suspect the troubles plaguing the young girl's mind. She was only 15 years old. She shouldn't be forced to deal with a burden like this on top of taking on the responsibility of a pokemon ranger. Silver, in contrast, was well-rested, and a little wary of his clearly stressed partner. Sango clearly was dealing with some troubles that the small pokemon couldn't even begin to guess. All he could do was rub up against her shoulder encouragingly and wear a bright smile on his face. With a little concentration, Silver ensured that the sky outside would be sunny, if for no other reason than to brighten his partner's day just a little.

"Where's Petal?" Sango asked, looking around, but the short top ranger was nowhere to be seen.

"She's out taking care of some things," Haley replied, finishing up with her breakfast just as Sango sat down. "She said that for today, instead of a standard patrol, you're going to head up to the West Farm, the one by the river."

"West Farm?" Sango said, remembering the farmland and the young farm girl, Lucy, who had called out to her the day before.

"Yeah, something about repairing a busted fence," Haley replied. "Scott and I will handle the standard patrol."

Sango nodded her head, an action far more draining than she remembered it to be in the past. For breakfast, she had a piece of toast with some butter, once again surprising Haley and Scott. Besides her unending enthusiasm, Sango was also well-known for the bottomless pit she called a stomach. Even in Turffield Town, people had noted her eating habits, and joked that she was really a Snorlax in disguise. So to see her half-ass things with what would barely constitute a normal breakfast sent alarm bells ringing.

"Sango, you okay? Is that gonna be enough?" Haley asked.

"Just exhausted," Sango yawned. "A lot of stuff to think about."

"It's a guy, isn't it?" Scott teased her.

Sango flinched, her face reddening.

"Oh, wow. Really?"

"Enough," Haley snapped, lightly slapping the laid-back ranger on the head. She turned to Sango, and her tone softened. "Take care of yourself, okay? We make it look easy, but we're professionals. You're still a kid, Sango. I know the boss wants us to treat you like any other ranger, but if your workload is too much, just let us know. We'll be happy to help. Or at least I will."

Scott rolled his eyes.

Sango smiled at the older woman, and rose out of her seat, biting down on the piece of toast she held in one hand, as she waved with the other.

"I'm fine," she said through mouthfuls of bread. "I can repair a crummy old fence, no problem. I'd better head out! Busy day!"

Sango finished off the rest of her toast as she ran out of the ranger base, her energy seemingly returned. But when the doors closed behind her, it became apparent that it was all just an act. She slowed down to a walk, letting out another yawn. She had a headache and was feeling a little dizzy. Her sleep schedule was a very precise thing, and the turmoil she'd gone through the night before had done a lot more damage than she had thought.

"Cast…" Silver said worriedly, pushing insistently against Sango's shoulder.

"Don't worry, Silver, I'm fine," Sango said, turning to her partner and smiling. This positive look lasted for a few seconds, but her face fell and she looked down, frowning deeply. "No… I'm not… I'm not fine at all."

"Castform!" Silver said, tearfully circling around Sango and trying to encourage her. The sky brightened and Silver's body transformed to his sunny form, a big smile on his face. Sango smiled a little and sniffled, wiping her eyes.

"Thanks, but even so…" Sango still felt guilty. But there was only one person she could talk to about stuff like this, and it was someone that she didn't really enjoy talking to, but whose voice and advice she still desperately needed right now. Claire was the only person she could turn to.

Sango looked at the ringing of her cell phone, hoping that Claire would pick up. She didn't know what time it was in Sinnoh, the time difference in Galar throwing off a lot more than her sleep schedule. This was actually the first time she'd made a call.

"Hello? Sango?" Claire's voice came out, Sango sighing in relief and lifting the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Claire. It's me," Sango said.

"Perfect! I was just about to call you!" Claire said. "We've got some stuff to talk about!"

On the other end of the line, Claire, insensitive as always, was in Ayame's room in the hospital, blabbing away without a care in the world.

"Did you know that Ayame likes Blake?!" Claire exclaimed.

"Wh- how did you know that?" Sango asked, confused. She wasn't even sure if Claire knew who Ayame was, and here she was being chewed out over it.

"I'm here with her right now," Claire replied, glancing over at Ayame. "Sick visit."

Sango coughed, her eyes widening. Well, so much for talking about Blake in any explicit detail.

"Yeah, I've been coming to visit her for the last few days," Claire said. "You know, getting to know Blake's newest love…"

Claire smirked, hoping that she could make Sango squirm.

"I see…" Sango said, nodding. "Yeah… that's probably for the best."

Claire's smile slid off of her face and morphed into a scowl.

"What do you mean by that?" She demanded.

"Just… some stuff…" Sango said, sighing. "Claire… do you know… about Laverre City?"

That was the best way she could put it without giving away who or what she was talking about. Really, what she wanted to figure out was if Claire knew about that part of Blake's history. She was probably the only one who would. So with that in mind, maybe Claire could provide her with some insight about what she was supposed to do now. Claire's sigh spoke for itself.

"…Where did you hear about that?" Claire demanded, her tone resigned.

"So you do know."

"Yeah, I know about it," Claire sighed. "But it's not like I can really talk, you know? Listen, if you're so troubled by this, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know, it's just… I feel like the worst girl in the world," Sango said quietly. "Hearing about this… and everything else, it's just…"

Claire let out another sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Look, Sango, you know I'm rooting for you, but you need to start rooting for yourself, too, you know? I can't tell you what to do, and I don't know how to make things better all the time. But it sounds like you're in a tough spot. The best I can do is tell you that you need to decide what to do from now on, okay? I'm not… him, so I can't say how he'll respond otherwise, you understand? You're going to have to figure it out for yourself. Sorry."

"No, no, it's fine, that's-" Sango continued talking, but Claire was distracted by someone else.

"Oi."

Claire glanced over her shoulder to see Ayame glaring at her from across the room, holding her out. She bent her fingers towards herself, asking for the phone.

"That's Sango, right?" Ayame asked. Claire nodded her head warily.

"Let me talk to her."

Claire frowned, thinking hard on what to do.

Oh, right. This isn't my problem in the slightest, so why do I even have to care?

She shrugged and handed over the phone, slipping down into the chair next to Ayame's bed and flipping through a magazine.

"Sango?" Ayame's husky voice echoed in Sango's ear, Sango flinching slightly. "It's me, Ayame."

"Oh, uh, hey, Ayame," Sango said.

"What's up?" Ayame asked, her voice insistent. "It sounds like you've got something tough going on."

"No, no, nothing, nothing!" Sango said, frantically trying to deny anything was wrong. Ayame wasn't buying it.

"Don't give me that crap," Ayame snarled, Sango gulping. Ayame's tone softened. "Sorry for snapping. If you don't want to talk about it, then that's okay. I just… I wanted to help, if I could. But I don't want to pry. If you don't want to, then-"

"No, no, it's not that!" Sango said, shaking her head. She smiled. Ayame really was reaching out to her. But that just made her feel even worse about it. "No… I… I'm the one with the problem, you aren't prying. Actually… I'm a little happy."

Sango took a deep breath, and then let out a sigh.

"It's… about a boy."

"Is this the boy?" Ayame asked. Sango nodded, before remembering that Ayame couldn't see her.

"Yeah, it's about the guy I like," Sango verbally confirmed with her. Just let her assume it's Aidan or somebody…

"How can I help?" Ayame asked.

"I… I learned something about him," Sango said, minding her words carefully so as not to give anything away to her older friend. "Something bad."

"What, like you don't know how you feel about him, now?" Ayame asked. "What did he do? Have you gotten his side of things? Don't make your decision until you get the full story."

"No, no, that's not what I mean," Sango said, shaking her head. "It's not what he did, and it's not like I stopped liking him! He doesn't… he doesn't even know I know, you know?"

"No."

"I learned… a secret. Something very private. And now I'm scared of how things will go when I see him again."

"I see," Ayame said, nodding her head. "But it's not something bad about him? He didn't do anything? He didn't hurt anybody?"

"It's not about him," Sango clarified. "It's about me."

"Do you still like him?"

"I… Of course I do."

Ayame frowned. Sango didn't exactly seem so sure about what she was saying. There was something going on here, something that was clearly bothering Sango, but the girl was dancing around the issue instead of telling Ayame what she could do to help.

"Sango, what aren't you telling me?"

Sango fell silent. She didn't say anything for a while, and Ayame didn't want to put any pressure on her. She sat in silence for a while, waiting for Sango to reenter the conversation.

"This boy I like… I thought my feelings for him were real," Sango said. "But after learning this secret about him… all I'm thinking about is how worried I am about our relationship changing. I should be feeling horrid for violating his privacy, and believe me, I do! But what I'm worried about right now, is that he'll think poorly of me!"

Sango felt like crying as she let it out, and before she knew it, her tears came pouring out.

"I'm… *hic* awful… All I'm thinking about is myself… even *sniff* dough I'b supposed to feel bad for him… I'm just being selfish…"

Ayame listened to Sango cry for a while.

"…I see," Ayame said, nodding. "Sango."

"…What?"

"This secret you learned. The one that you're considering an invasion of this guy's privacy. If he didn't tell you, then how did you hear it? Were you eavesdropping? Did you ask somebody? Were you facebook stalking him?"

"No, no, it's just… someone told me."

"Someone told you because you brought it up? Because you asked about him?"

"No, it's just… she just kind of said it all of a sudden, before I had the time to say anything."

"So you didn't ask to learn this secret, and you didn't want to learn this secret, but now that you know it, you're worried about what that means for your relationship going forward?"

"Uh-huh…"

"First thing's first, you need to tell him," Ayame said. "You can't keep this to yourself. Any relationship needs to be built on trust. If you keep something like this from him, and he learns about it later, then things really will be over."

"I knew that from the beginning… and that's why I'm so troubled," Sango sighed. "I know I need to tell him. But when I do… then he's going to be uncomfortable around me. And I'm scared. That's why… that's why I'm such a terrible person! I wouldn't… a good person wouldn't be thinking about themselves! I should be hating myself for what I did! Not pitying myself!"

"…It sounds like you're hating on yourself plenty," Ayame told her.

"That's different," Sango muttered. She had come up to a large rock, and stopped walking. She sat down, staring out over the river. "The reason I hate myself is because I'm a selfish girl who's concerned with her love life instead of the privacy of the boy she just violated, and how much that the betrayal will hurt him. Do I… do I even really like him if I'm thinking about how I feel more than about how he feels?"

"I think so," Ayame said. "In fact, I think you like him quite a bit."

Sango snorted incredulously, wiping her eyes.

"I mean it," Ayame said, her voice turning harsh. "So what? So you're more scared of how things between the two of you will change when he learns the truth than you are worried about how he'll feel when he hears you know his secret. You think that makes you a terrible person?! Girl, that's what we call normal!"

"What?"

Ayame groaned, massaging her temple with her hand.

"Sango… how does this guy feel about you right now?"

"I don't know."

"And how do you think he'll feel about you when you tell him you know his secret?"

"I don't know."

"And you're afraid of that, right?" Ayame asked.

"Exactly, that's why-"

"Next question," Ayame interrupted her. "Does the fact that what happened make you feel bad? Do you wish it had never happened?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I told you why," Sango said. "Because if it hadn't happened, then things won't have to change! We could have gone on like normal!"

"Why does anything have to change?" Ayame asked quietly.

"What?" Sango had been so caught up in her emotional low that she didn't quite understand what the other girl was saying.

"Why does anything have to change?" Ayame repeated simply. "Why can't things stay exactly the way they are?"

"Because when I tell him, he'll never look the same way at me again!" Sango exclaimed. "He'll always see 'girl who knows my secret' every time he looks at me!"

"Then don't tell him."

"Wh-what?" Now Sango was lost. A few minutes ago, Ayame had been telling her all about how she needed to tell Blake the truth if there was any hope at an actual relationship to be had. Now she was telling her to lie?

"If you don't want things to change, they don't have to," Ayame said. "Just keep your mouth shut, and everything will be exactly the way it has been between the two of you, right?"

"But… but I can't do that!" Sango protested. "I can't keep something this big a secret from him! I need to tell him, he deserves to know!"

"Wait, now I'm confused," Ayame said. "I thought you were saying that you hated yourself, because you were only thinking about what you wanted, instead of thinking about him? But now you're saying that even though things could go badly for you, you still need to tell him the truth, for his sake?"

"Well, yes, but…" Sango's voice trailed off, a smile spreading across Ayame's face.

"…Figure anything out?" She coyly replied, resisting the urge to giggle.

"I mean…"

"Sounds to me like you've been thinking about what's best for this guy the entire time," Ayame told her. "You already knew you were going to tell him, right? Because you knew that, no matter how things went, there was no way you could keep something this important to yourself and pretend like nothing ever happened. That right there should tell you all you need to know. The simplest choice in the world, between keeping things the same, and risking it all, and you chose to tell him. Because you know that the real selfish thing to do, the real betrayal, is to hide this big secret from him and pretend like everything is normal. It's like when you brought up Blake's scars last week. You could have just kept your mouth shut, but you let him know because when you find something out about someone that they've been hiding, pretending like it doesn't exist isn't the right thing to do. Honesty, Sango. Honesty and trust. Those are the things that are important."

"But even though I'm going to tell him… I'm still… I'm still only thinking about myself…" Sango said quietly.

"You're scared, and that's understandable. It's okay to be a little scared about something like this, especially if you like this guy a lot. I was scared too, when I told Blake how I felt about him, but I wasn't just thinking of myself. And I don't think you are, either. That's why you are going to tell this boy what you learned. That fear of things changing… the only reason you feel that way is because you've already been thinking of what's best for him, without even realizing it."

Sango considered this perspective.

"Maybe it seems that way to you… but I'm not as strong as you are, Ayame. I'm still selfish and weak… even if I am thinking about the boy I like…"

"It's not bad to be weak," Ayame replied. "When I was a first year… I was scared all the time. Everything around me was so distant, so hard, there were people who could run far faster than I thought I ever could. But you know? I didn't give up. I gave it my best, and I found a new me at the end of the track."

She laughed, a sheepish expression crossing her face that Sango could not see.

"Although I might have gone too far the other way, though." Ayame sighed, continuing her efforts to comfort Sango.

"It's okay that you're scared. It's okay that in your flurry of emotions you're focusing on what is right there in front of you, the looming fear of wrecking your relationship, rather than something abstract like how this boy will feel knowing you know something private about him. But no matter what… worrying about it like this won't solve anything, you know? However you feel about it, you can't make him not be uncomfortable around you, and you can't make him be okay with the fact you know his secret."

"I know…" Sango sighed.

"So stop worrying over it, okay?" Ayame requested her. "Worry about the things you can change. You've got a job to do out there, don't you? How do you think this guy would feel if he learned you were letting your duties slack over this? He'd probably feel even worse! So you just concentrate on being the best pokemon ranger you can, okay?"

"…Okay," Sango sniffled, nodding. Thankfully, her tears had stopped. "I will."

"That's my girl," Ayame smiled. "Don't worry. I trust you, Sango. So whoever this guy is, he'll be fine with it. He might feel uncomfortable, but he won't hate you. Not when you're thinking this much about him. So you just put on that Sango smile and keep living your life. No matter what happens, I'm in your corner, rooting for you. Whatever happens, I've got your back."

"…Yeah," Sango said, her voice drifting off. "Thanks, Ayame…"

What am I doing? Here I am getting advice from Ayame on how to be honest… and she's the one I'm lying to the most.

Sango felt sick to her stomach. She clenched her phone so hard her knuckles turned white. Ayame was rooting for her… but if she learned that the boy Sango was pining over was Blake… and that Sango had been lying to her the entire time…

It was obvious why she was so troubled. Sango felt guilty because she was guilty. This entire conversation had just been telling her how awful of a person she really was, for hiding her feelings from Ayame this entire time. No, she couldn't go on with it.

"Ayame…" Sango said quietly. "You still there?"

"Hm?" Ayame's ears perked up. "What's up?"

"When… when you get out of the hospital… and when I'm done with my practicum… let's go get coffee, okay? I have something important to tell you."

"Sure thing!" Ayame cheered. "Sounds like a blast! See you then!"

"Bye," Sango muttered, hanging up on her.

I'm scared… that's why I'm putting it off. I'm scared that if I tell her, the look of despair on her face will be heart-breaking. Ayame is such a good person… I don't want to hurt her like that. That's what I told myself when I first started hiding my feelings from her, that I didn't want to hurt her because she's such a nice person. But that was just a lie. I didn't want to tell her because I was scared. But she deserves to know. Telling her over the phone… that would be the easy way out. If I'm going to tell her how I lied to her… she at least deserves to see my face when I do it. She needs to hear it directly from me, not when I'm across the planet hiding in another region. She deserves to see me, so she can hit me, yell at me, tell me how awful I am… I might be a bad person, but even I can at least do that much for her.

Uh-oh. Sango's guilt is really starting to weigh her down.