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AN: Uh... this chapter is about the character Elliott, not Adam Lambert... I have a feeling the two are very, very different but I wouldn't know for sure as I don't stalk Adam Lambert and it's just my feelings on the show's creators on what they did with him and his character, not him himself or his acting. I think he followed direction very well and added his own spice but he couldn't probably do as much as he'd have liked and he was only in there for a few episodes. Not nearly long enough, in my opinion.
AN2: Probably should put a trigger warning up about this chapter and it'll be one of a few. Mentions of life ending by one's own hand.
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5
My Door Open
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Dating Elliott was a colossal mistake. A mistake that Sebastian wasn't sure he could come back from.
It started out fine.
Sebastian was charming and wooed Elliott. Elliott was sweeter than most of the guys that Sebastian had ever met. He was genuinely a very nice guy. He could fight Adam for title of nicest guy on the planet. He was sweet and attentive and was there for Sebastian and was very supportive. He was more interesting in a lot of ways to Sebastian than Adam had ever been but... there was something lacking.
It wasn't because he wasn't someone else. It was just that Elliott had the potential to be really interesting but he just... wasn't developed, personality-wise. It always seemed to be lurking beneath the surface but never presented itself to Sebastian. Even when he put Elliott in really awkward positions and in front of people, Elliott just didn't bend or stray from his nice-guy facade.
It had to be a facade, right? No one was genuinely that nice and therapist-like. He was outgoing and bold and shy and sweet and tried to keep the peace with everyone. Yet he subtly stood up for those wronged. He showed those in the wrong just how wrong they were but in a very nice way.
Kurt, Adam, Elliott and Sebastian even went on double dates.
Sebastian was bored with him before they even got going. He just stuck it out to see if he could get him in the sack. He nearly gave up on that too when Elliott gave even the slightest hint that he was interested in more than just their platonic dates.
Sebastian pushed his opening and luck and got him in bed. He was shy and not very adventurous. He let Sebastian lead and took whatever ideas Sebastian had and went with them. He didn't protest or come up with anything he wanted to do, even when Sebastian started pushing it into the absurd. He'd never really called anyone a doormat before, and Elliott wasn't quite that but he was very close in a lot of ways.
Sebastian tried it with him three more times but every time it was the same. He even called Elliott out on it the last time but Elliott gave him a song and dance but didn't really change his tune in bed. Sebastian broke up with him the next morning. It wasn't really mature of him or really his finest hour but he just couldn't with Elliott anymore.
Elliott's personality came out then.
He hadn't believed Kurt when he said that Elliott was charismatic on stage and he was holding back because of the other two who weren't quite as flamboyant. Rachel had laughed and referenced a few things from high school and Kurt had given her the finger and refused to talk about it. He was holding back far more than Elliott had when he was on the stage based on what Rachel had said. He had been extremely flamboyant on the stage in high school.
Elliott had invited Sebastian to a performance after they broke up. Originally Sebastian turned him down. However, Elliott came back with a please and how he still wanted him there. Since Kurt was going to be performing on stage, Sebastian gave in. He hadn't gone to a show before and he would even forgive Dani's presence.
Kurt looked at him surprised when he showed up and glanced fretfully between him and Elliott. He went to speak to Elliott first and then jumped down from the stage to grin at Sebastian as he came forward. His voice didn't bode well for Sebastian's peace of mind either. "Oh, you are one heinous sadistic guy."
"Is he going to just completely embarrass me?" Sebastian wished him luck in that venture, but Sebastian doubted he wanted to stick around and hear it too.
"You're going to sit down in that chair and not move a muscle. I'll be sitting right next to you to make sure you don't."
"Isn't this your set too?" Sebastian questioned, wondering exactly what he'd gotten into.
"It's a grievance show." Kurt explained. "We're all dedicating songs to relationships that didn't work out, ones that we felt have done us wrong. We're all going to have separate songs and a few together that require back up singers." The way he said it didn't sound like an enjoyable experience at all for one being one of the ones who did the breaking up. And those singing would need a support system? That just sounded gross.
"And I'm the one that did Elliott wrong?" Sebastian checked, looking at Kurt's face to see if he hated him too.
Kurt's face became an impervious mask, shuttered off from Sebastian being able to read his thoughts or emotions. Sebastian did not like that. Whatever Kurt heard, Sebastian was definitely in the wrong in his mind. Elliott didn't seem the type to wax lies or tell anyone and everyone his business. He must have had a special relationship with Kurt. Still, Sebastian didn't think he deserved all of this.
"Relationships just don't last sometimes." Sebastian tried to defend himself.
"Sit down." Kurt ordered, his voice gave a little indicator in how he was feeling if the lack of facial expression hadn't already told Sebastian. He had definitely taken Elliott's side in this. "You and Santana -" He started, his words unchecked, just like his father had been during Thanksgiving, this was weighing heavily on him. He stopped himself though and thought hard about how he could say what he wanted without offending Sebastian into leaving. It was another way he was similar to his dad. He swallowed hard. "You two aren't allowed to date my friends anymore, ok?"
He didn't think he and Santana should be tapped with the same wand. He didn't know what Santana did to Dani but he hadn't been cruel in his breakup with Elliott. "I have my side of the story too, you know?" Sebastian tried again to be heard.
"Later." Kurt cut him off and his voice was short and to the point. Sebastian knew he was in trouble and in for it for a long time. He'd never heard Kurt speak so tartly.
Sebastian paused for all of a second and decided that he wasn't going to go along with that track. Instead, he tried to pull Kurt out in other ways. "And you? Who are you singing about? Obviously not Adam. That man couldn't do wrong even if he tried. If he tried, he'd probably end up landing on even more perfect."
A nerve ticked in Kurt's jaw at the mention of his boyfriend. He didn't answer for the longest time then his shoulders drooped. "No, it's not about Adam." He was still shut off to Sebastian but now it was more because of an internal turmoil than because of anything Sebastian had done.
"Shit. Kurt, I didn't know-." He hadn't heard details about any relationships prior to Adam. He'd thought Kurt had always had a storybook romance in his life and the others were just duds or something of a cliché ending. Something had harmed him and he desperately wanted to pull Kurt out of that.
Kurt's smile wobbled into place as he attempted to reassure Sebastian but it would have convinced no one, especially no one that actually knew Kurt. He always seemed so well-adjusted. Having had a rocky relationship in the past did explain a few things to Sebastian though when it came to other's actions with Kurt, the way they treated Adam. Kurt didn't try very hard, losing himself to whatever memories assailed him.
Sebastian tried for a different tact. "So the guests know that you're going to be depressing them all with horrible breakup songs?"
Kurt sliced through him with a side-eye. "The sign was on the door. It was a request for the entertainment to fit the theme. Since we could all relate, we are well prepared." Elliott was up first, something that made more sense to Kurt and Sebastian when they had their little chat before the show.
Elliott didn't look at him once, not giving away that he was talking to an audience member. He kept it from being tacky by not calling him out. It was still a message to him, but a lot more private. Only Kurt and Dani knew besides the two in the relationship. Elliott gave a very dramatic and enthusiastic performance of Love Kills.
Despite it being a calling out of Sebastian's behavior and calling him out in general, it was quite fantastic. There was a sizzle in Elliott that Sebastian hadn't seen before, the guy that Kurt and Dani had sworn was in there. He wondered where this guy was the whole time they were dating. Sebastian stuck around, wondering if he could pull that version of Elliott out in other ways too after the show.
Dani would have cut Santana to the quick. She never mentioned his roommate and best friend but it was an emotional piece that was deeply felt. Santana wasn't unfeeling, just a bit flighty with other people's emotions. She cared when she cared or was called out on not caring the right way. Once she realized how badly she hurt someone (especially if she didn't mean to), she was very apologetic and felt it deeply too. She knew when she did wrong and was sick about it when it was unintentional.
Elliott was power and sizzle, a post-breakup, I'm doing all right and you suck, song. Dani's was slow and bluesy and spoke of her thoughts and feelings and emotions. She drew you in and bitched at you until you were bleeding from every part of your body. She sang a very moody, slowed down version of Roses.
Sebastian didn't want to sit there and hear Kurt's. Kurt had sat with him during the first two songs and then it was his turn. Kurt had hesitated, almost afraid to get up there and do this. Sebastian wondered if he had ever dealt with whatever wrongs had been foisted upon him. If it wasn't Adam then it was from years ago and he was still holding onto it despite being in a healthy relationship. It had to be something really bad because Kurt moved on from injuries and slights pretty easily with appropriate apologies.
Maybe an apology hadn't been forthcoming and that's why he still held onto it. Adam despite his perfection couldn't heal everything.
He half expected Ghost Town to come out of Kurt's mouth as he sung, following the lines the other two had started. He sang Believe, so not exactly Adam Lambert but something he'd once sang. He had a different emphasis on his words though, making it more about loss and the other person's loss rather than just purely a breakup. A breakup that was caused by the other person and the sadness that the one who was broken up with felt when it didn't go the right for the other person. His emotions while he sang it were tangible and Sebastian glanced around to see that many people had tears in their eyes. Sebastian felt his own face and found it wet. That was new. Kurt was really missing out on his true calling. He could move people to tears. He should be up there doing that every night.
Together they sang Show Must Go On. They were followed by other performers and Kurt was the only one to sit with him. That was ok, he'd convince Elliott otherwise soon enough. Dani... he kind of felt sorry for her now. He'd talk to Santana about making it right.
"I didn't know I was in for an Adam Lambert/Queen show." Sebastian quipped.
"Sometimes you stick with one artist or group because they encapsulate all the emotions and say it well." Kurt returned. He glanced at his band mates, fear that they thought he was betraying them in his eyes. At the same time though, Sebastian had been his friend for a while now.
"You're right, they're famous for a reason and they definitely weren't one note or emotion." Sebastian swallowed thickly as he thought about Kurt's performance. "You sang a very different version of Believe. What happened?"
Kurt looked away and started to trace a pattern in the table in front of him and Sebastian feared he wouldn't tell him. The Hummel men had turned out to be extremely good secret keepers. He hadn't thought they could, especially as he'd gotten to know Kurt more. He had been open even if there was always a sense there was more that wasn't being shared. He felt like it would be shared the next time they turned a corner, it just had to come out naturally and slowly, piece by piece.
"My first boyfriend – he couldn't handle the pressure of being out. He successfully committed suicide. It was after he broke up with me but we'd always had problems before that. We never should have attempted it but we thought... well we were the only two boys who were out and I was a strong personality and he was strong physically." Kurt unconsciously rubbed at his shoulder, as if soothing an old wound.
"Did he hurt you?" Sebastian didn't know how to feel during the story, but if he was physically abusive with Kurt- then good ridden. It made him harsh and cruel and there was probably so much more to the story and to the boy who died, but that wasn't Sebastian's priority. His personality didn't lend him to feel empathy for people he didn't care about or know. There were others in the world that were built for that. He would support those he cared for in whatever they wanted to do, even if it was foolish in his opinion, even if he didn't think those people deserved their compassion or thoughts or attention. That was true, short of physical harm befalling those he cared about. If there was a danger, then he'd pull them back and try to distract them.
"Not really, just in the way little boys seem to communicate the world over before they learn how to use words." Kurt gave a rueful smile. "I didn't have any pigtails to pull."
Sebastian scowled. "What was his taunt of choice then?"
"Body checks into lockers." Kurt answered quickly, hoping he could move them passed that before Sebastian could dwell in it. Nobody in their right minds could like that part of his story, they should all be upset for him. It was true that it wasn't pleasant but Kurt had seen beyond it, had to have, to have dated him. Or he had been pulled into an abusive relationship thinking he didn't have a choice. "Once he admitted to me why he was doing it, he stopped. We talked it out and that was the last time I had any bruises because of him. After he died, it got worse at my school and my dad transferred me to a different one. I met Finn there and that loveable dope wouldn't let anyone pick on the small new kid. Rumors had already spread about why I transferred." Kurt gave another rueful smile. "Our meeting got our parents together in the end."
"I feel like I'm still missing a lot of the story." Sebastian said moodily, but he'd mellowed out. There was nothing that could be done about the body checks and it had stopped before they'd gotten together. Kurt seemed relatively adjusted despite the trauma.
"Yeah, probably." Kurt stood up. "You're not hearing any more tonight. I wasn't even intending to share that much." He was closing up again, it was so strange compared to the boy he'd slowly started to get to know over the last several months. This must have been who he was before New York or with others or something. "You owe Elliott an apology."
"Don't worry, I'll speak with him." Sebastian had more planned than just words.
Hence his biggest mistake when it came to dating Elliott. He stroke that anger into a blaze but the sex that night against the wall of an alley was just fizzless. It was basically the missionary position standing up all over again. He tried to get Elliott whipped up in this act too but it just didn't connect. He practically begged Elliott to ask for something, to want something but it felt like he was taking a virginal child bride to bed with him. He disliked feeling like he was taking advantage.
He kicked Elliott out himself that next morning before Santana could even rise and give him a critical look. Even the comments Elliott threw at him on his way out were mellow waters compared to what he'd waded in before. It was shallow and see through and he tried to apologize for hurting Elliott again. His personality only seemed to come out when he was singing. Sebastian was not the right guy for him in any way. Someone else might be able to unlock Elliott's passion in the bedroom or appreciate how gray and boring that sex was.
Kurt was furious with him and scolded him so harshly that Sebastian was turned on and was too hard to even focus on the vitriol that came out of his mouth. Kurt was passion and fire and put Sebastian in his place in so many different ways, depending on his mood and situation. Kurt had no problem with telling him the way things were or what he expected or how he expected it to be done. Sebastian hadn't realized how much he liked being bossed around – in the right settings. God, he loved Kurt's bitchiness. It didn't come out often but when it did – it was glorious.
It was all the more reason that it was a shame that Kurt took his dopey look for not paying attention and he punished Sebastian by not spending any time with him over the next week. Or he assumed that's what happened. He had tuned Kurt's words out, he had apologized to Elliott but Elliott couldn't get it through his head that the fault laid with him, not Sebastian. Sebastian wasn't going to apologize for that or listen to how it was his fault for ending it when it was a dead-end relationship if he couldn't get excited in the bedroom by his partner. Maybe Kurt said that it was for a different reason, but it would have been buried in the rest of it.
His texts to Kurt were responded to with clipped and pointed barbs.
This all made Sebastian want Kurt more. He didn't think it was possible but there were layers to Kurt that he hadn't seen before. He'd already wanted him badly but this made it so much worse. He feared that he would break and make his desires known and ruin everything permanently. If he hadn't dated Elliott he wouldn't have known about this side of Kurt and wouldn't have been on his bad-side to begin with.
Life with Kurt seemed so much more impossible from then on.
It soon looked like that wasn't something he had to worry about when one week turned into two. He really feared that he'd made a complete mess out of things and Kurt was done with him. It was annoying because even though Elliott was his friend, it had absolutely nothing to do with Kurt. Kurt and Sebastian's relationship was separate from Elliott and Sebastian. It was also wholly unfair since he stayed friends with both Dani and Santana after they broke up. If anything, his loyalties should be with Sebastian since they'd been friends longer.
Then nearly three weeks after they'd last seen each other in person and about two days since the last text between them, Kurt bounced into the coffee shop absolutely buzzing and not needing the coffee at all. The texts didn't count – Sebastian didn't ask any pertinent questions and Kurt hadn't shared. Neither had mentioned Elliott in a week. It was just harmless texting back and forth at that point.
To be fair, two of those weeks weren't Kurt's fault. Sebastian had gone back to France to celebrate Christmas with his maman and New Years' holidays with his father in D.C. Sebastian internally smirked at the men he'd picked up at each location and how vastly different they were from each other. He just assumed Kurt went back to Lima to see his family.
Sebastian tuned in fully today since it appeared to be something very positive that Kurt wanted to share rather than ream him out about Elliott or another one of his mistakes. He wished he hadn't. His blissful ignorance was better than the news.
"I don't even know where to start! I had to keep this all quiet for awhile just because it wasn't for sure and I knew my dad wouldn't be entirely pleased about the rest of my plans for break but I just have to share!" He'd never seen Kurt speak so many words at once, the stories were just trying to climb over each other.
"I missed you chouchou, why don't you start with the holidays?" Sebastian suggested and threw in a bit of an endearment if Kurt caught it, it wasn't just regular platitudes. Just admitting to missing him was tantamount for Sebastian, the endearment he snuck in there was a much bigger step.
Kurt steamrolled right over it, continuing to talk, not catching it. It was a different word, even if he didn't speak French, he should have known Sebastian said something. Sebastian knew he wouldn't have though in his excitement. It's why he did it.
"So there was an event around Christmas that showcased upcoming designers. It wasn't supposed to be anything major, just a few wearable pieces that would work well around this time of year- whether it's Christmas or New Years or some other fashionable event in the winter season. They had a bunch of models wearing different pieces and Isabelle slipped one of my designs in there. I didn't know until I was running after one of the models because she had a thread loose and I needed to fix it. The official designers were all mingling with the buyers and they couldn't all keep track of the models. As it was my job, I often fix hems or pin in threads or do what I can to keep the piece in shape until the event was over. It's hard when it's on a model who's mixing and mingling and not always taking care of the clothes they were wearing." Kurt shook his head in memory of the event. "I had just finished taping it back into place and I was called over by Isabelle to meet one of my favorite actresses. Standing next to them was a model I hadn't seen before, I guess Isabelle hand picked her and put her in her clothes and set her loose onto the party. Usually models stayed somewhat close to their designer so they could talk about the pieces in a more timely manner and put face to product. Since I didn't know, I hadn't seen her in it. She looked amazing in it, Isabelle definitely styled it how I would have and pulled some pieces I didn't know we had to go with it!"
"Kurt, Kurt, focus, breath." Sebastian laughed and covered Kurt's hands with his own, squeezing them to bring a tether back to earth for him.
Kurt bit his bottom lip and looked down at their hands a little ruefully and as he did so, something changed in his eyes. He shook his head and took a deep breath and brought his eyes back to Sebastian's, trying to recall the rest of his story. "So... yeah... she wants to wear my piece to the Oscars next month."
Kurt slipped his hands out from under Sebastian's and shoved them into his coat's pockets. Kurt hadn't even taken off his coat yet. Sebastian frowned at the change in mood. What had happened? Sebastian had touched Kurt before, he wasn't still upset was he? Kurt didn't look at him again for a few minutes.
Sebastian pressed for more information. "That's wonderful!"
"Yeah and a lot of people want to buy a version of it too. There are a few color requests and I'll have to see how that goes with my vision but since I'm not going to be producing them personally, I guess it doesn't matter. All the pieces at that event are property of Vogue."
"Did you sign that agreement?" Sebastian checked.
"No, but I did sign an agreement that if I use their studio space and have items hanging about there that they use, then it's technically their property too while I'm an intern. Propriety, you know? They want to make sure nothing I produce is a knock off or steals design elements of anything anyone else is working on."
"They're not a fashion studio."
"No, but they get a lot of up and coming pieces from artists and designers and sometimes they create pieces to go with it onto models in a scene or set pieces. They want to protect the artists' integrity and their own, especially since their clothes haven't been showcased yet."
"So you don't get anything out of your piece doing so well?" Sebastian checked.
"Well, my name will be out there on a global level when she tells the press who designed her dress." Kurt shrugged. "And I get a portion of the proceeds for any of the orders that result from her advertisement and a little bit of a smaller portion from the event's orders." He worked his jaw and seemed to be steeling himself before he looked back to Sebastian. He visibly relaxed after looking at Sebastian's engaged expression.
Sebastian had no clue what was going on with Kurt today. There was more than what they were just discussing. "That's good." He thought Kurt was just going to be gypped out of everything.
Then Kurt smiled widely. "And Vogue told Isabelle that if she didn't hire me into a paying job then they were going to steal me for the LA branch. It was the approval she was waiting for. They didn't tell her to start me off at a lower level and they probably would have offered me the same position or maybe slightly lower and I would have held out for higher. You are now looking at a bonafide Vogue employee!"
"That's great!" Sebastian shouted and was nearly out of his seat but when the rest of the patrons all spun to look at him, he gave a small wave and sank back into his seat, not embarrassed at all. Kurt was a light pink at his reaction. "What is your new title?"
"Editorial Assistant." Kurt announced.
"They gave you that job because you designed a popular piece of fashion?"
"Oh, uh, no." Kurt shook his head. "They liked my eye for design and my organization and effectiveness. I'm still currently an Editorial intern and the next step is usually fashion or beauty editor assistant but she moved me up one more step. She wants to keep me at her side. Eventually I can move into my own department or become her subeditor and then if all things fall right, take over her job."
"Is that what you want?" Sebastian checked.
"Nope." Kurt popped his 'p'. "Which is exactly why she is ok with moving me into the position she has. She knows that working for a magazine, even as amazing as Vogue isn't my end goal. I'm not angling after her job and even though it's not my end goal, she knows I'll work hard, as hard as if it were my goal. She knows I'm learning this side to help me for when I'm a big name of my own right and using them exclusively to promote my own clothing lines. She is really something." Kurt shook his head in awe as he thought about his boss.
"When does this start?" Sebastian asked.
"Oh, the day after my internship ends. She's already started prepping me for my new role, combining duties that the other interns don't do. I'm doing less of the PA stuff and more learning the ropes from current assistants in other departments. Jono is so jealous."
"What does this mean for you otherwise then? Are you dropping out of school?"
"What?" Kurt's eyes had gotten a little misty as he thought about the magazine and those he worked with. They snapped to Sebastian now. "No! Isabelle is conscious of my goals. She is encouraging me to continue and will work around my school schedule and any time I need for those projects. It does mean that I'm quitting the diner now that I'm making an income I didn't dream about making until about 5 years out of school while I was struggling on the side to get my line up and running. This internship really has been a lifeline."
A shortcut through all the pitfalls of being an art major, actually, but Sebastian didn't dampen Kurt's happiness. He worked hard and earned this opportunity and then earned the job. Luck played only a very small role in it. He might just end up staying at the magazine because he would still have to struggle to get his line up and going while he worked in a demanding job. It wouldn't be the end of the world for Kurt, staying in fashion, but it wouldn't be his main goal. It would be interesting to see what Kurt did when he realized the same thing.
"I'll probably have to quit the band too. I have to see what my hours look like. Certain times of the year are obviously busier than others. Maybe we can play off season." Kurt's eyes sharpened. "If Elliott and Dani wish to continue, considering I'm the lynch pin for keeping them connected to their worst relationships."
Sebastian raised his hands in surrender. "I've asked Santana to talk to Dani, she said she would. I also sent Elliott an apology text. He said he never wanted to talk to me again, and I totally get where he's coming from. I'll respect that."
Kurt sighed and settled back into his chair, looking over Sebastian with thoughts racing through his eyes but Sebastian couldn't pinpoint what they were. "Vogue has an office in England and Paris as well as Tokyo and LA. If I do end up settling with them long term, I have options."
"You love New York." Sebastian wasn't even worried that he'd lose Kurt to some far off destination.
"England was fun over New Years." Kurt countered. "It reminded me a lot of New York in some ways and with a lot of great accents."
"Not to mention the boyfriend if he gets deported." Sebastian added and then his head swung toward Kurt. "You were in England?"
"Yeah, I sent you that text wishing you a Happy New Year from Big Ben."
"I thought it was an euphemism." Sebastian admitted. "So you got to meet Adam's family?"
"Childhood friends and family, yeah." Kurt frowned a bit then looked at his phone. "I guess the pictures didn't go through. Wifi there didn't go with my phone- and yes, I set it up for an international plan before going."
"How'd your dad feel about that?" Sebastian found it interesting that they'd just missed each other in Europe. Kurt was there the week after he returned to the US.
"Dad wasn't pleased, he didn't want me going overseas but I'm an adult living on my own. I didn't tell him until I was there, though, just to reduce his worry." Having met Burt, Sebastian thought maybe Kurt should have waited until he was back before telling him. "Adam came with me to D.C. for Christmas and we flew out from there to London."
"Why D.C?" Sebastian checked. "I thought you'd have gone back to Lima."
"They still have the house and the boys have basically turned it into a frat den, but it's just easier on them not to have to travel back and forth all the time. Carole got a job as a traveling nurse that gets to choose where she fills in. She's told me that it feels like she's doing a lot more for the community in D.C. Lima had it's problems but nobody is really all that impoverished there."
"Did the trio make it out to D.C. as well then?" Kurt nodded. "That's a lot of guys in one house. Carole must be a saint."
"Rachel came with." Kurt rolled his eyes. "Her parents went on a cruise and didn't invite her. She used it as a perfect opportunity to flirt with the three of them. She's been in love with Finn since the day she met him but it hasn't exactly been fair to start anything since she moved to New York and plans to stay. Brody was just a distraction."
"One you liked."
"I thought they were a good match, yes." Kurt reflected on that. "Better than Jesse St. James at any rate."
"Jesse?" Sebastian said in surprise. "The lead singer for Vocal Adrenaline?"
Kurt eyed him. "Jesse was in California by the time you joined the Warblers."
"So you remember." Sebastian was pleased by Kurt putting that together so quickly and remembering the finer details.
"Yeah, because Rachel couldn't shut up about how they'd lost to the Warblers two years in a row because I couldn't be used as a secret weapon. Every year they just edged the New Directions out during Regionals."
"That was them?" Sebastian hadn't put that together. He definitely would have remembered seeing Kurt on the stage if he'd still been there. He would have remembered his voice too.
Kurt kicked him in the shin, it was something that Blaine and Rachel talked about ad nauseam. They became the best of friends despite being in competing schools. It really showed how well Rachel had grown since moving to New York that she didn't screech 'spy' at him every time she saw him. Maybe being an underclassman and in her school now helped with that. "You've really blocked them out haven't you?"
"I can't listen to them, hearing them is enough to make me sick. Having to hear what they're talking about would just send me over the edge."
"They're not that bad." Kurt defended. "They have their own little world that I'm not privy to anymore though."
"Because you don't go to school with them?" That was hard, having a lot of stories that one couldn't even begin to be part of. Santana and he were different majors but he was glad they still went to the same school and lived together.
"Because I have been replaced." Kurt returned. "I've been usurped as Rachel's Best Gay."
"Is that really such a loss?" Sebastian questioned, honestly wondering why this was hurting Kurt so much.
"Rachel was there for me through some really hard times. I was there for her during some equally hard times. She's got a lot more depth to her than you're willing to acknowledge."
"Yeah but Blaine-."
"He has his finer points too. Yeah, on the surface I could see where people don't like him or really like him. He is incredibly supportive too though. He's a type of energy that's refreshing sometimes and wearing at other times. He's a bit..." Kurt narrowed his eyes and bit the side of his bottom lip as he searched for the right word. "Naive sometimes, I guess."
"Self-centered." Sebastian corrected. "Which makes you think he's just a bit oblivious but it's because he's so self-involved that he doesn't see the rest of the world for what it is."
Kurt sighed. "Yeah, maybe."
"So you and Adam are serious enough that you're traveling to meet the fam now instead of having them meet when they come out to visit you?" Sebastian cycled back to that, it was a point of contention for him.
"I don't know." Kurt admitted, sitting back. "He's gotten a third callback for a role in London. He's likely to get it. He graduates this spring and wants me to go with him to London if he gets it. I wasn't able to tell him about the job I just got because it wasn't official until today."
Sebastian sat up straighter – he'd been told about the job before Adam had? Was he hearing that right? "Did you call him when it became official? How did he take it?"
"I haven't had a chance yet. He's still on London time, he stayed for the callback. He's going to call me before I go to bed tonight and we'll chat then. I have a feeling we'll both have news."
"Is that why you were considering other branches of Vogue?" Sebastian's heart constricted at the thought of losing Kurt to England and Adam permanently. While here, he could watch and find cracks, overseas there wouldn't be a chance for him.
"Would it really be the worst?" Kurt asked hypothetically. "I'd be in Europe, the mecca for a lot of what I really like."
"You'd hate it after awhile, alone and only with Adam as company."
"And his friends and family." Kurt pointed out. "I'm sure I'm make my own friends and would have my own colleagues and classmates..." Kurt shook his head. "But no, if I go to London, it would be after I graduate. I doubt anyone there would be as generous as Isabelle with my school schedule. I don't even know what fashion schools they have over there."
"How were they?" Sebastian knew from experience that it was not easy to break into a group of English friends, especially while in England. When they were overseas they were a little more inclusive, but in their own home turf, you had to prove yourself to them.
"Cold." Kurt admitted. "His mom was warm at least and welcoming in a way I wasn't expecting. I think she was excited to finally meet me and for him to bring home any boyfriend that she didn't care about the details as much. He had a few friendly friends but most of them were constantly trying to undermine me and make fun of me behind my back. Considering I understood what words they were using and the meaning behind it, I could toss it back at them and they got a little better but nowhere near welcoming. I think I failed some kind of test but I can't fathom what it was. Maybe because I wasn't born British? I think I got on with his dad though. He was a quiet chap that didn't say much and didn't seem to engage in the surroundings unless he was talking about something he read in the newspaper or if asked a direct question. He and I would just read during breakfast in relative silence and pour each other refills of tea and coffee."
"Sounds a little like my family." And Kurt's, if Sebastian was being honest but Burt had opinions and was careful about sharing them but did share them when he felt it was appropriate to do so.
"Hmm..." Kurt had no idea what Sebastian's family was like. This was probably the most Sebastian had spoken of them to Kurt. "Seems like a very typical family structure."
"Maybe a bit different than what you're imagining though." Sebastian would definitely agree his mother was the more friendly of the two but they were both unafraid to give their opinions and didn't care if it hurt feelings. A little like Kurt and his 'parents' too. Sebastian tried not to read too much into that or interpret it or anything.
"I'm trying not to imagine anything. Things are going to be different when Adam goes back permanently to London."
"I suspect so. Are you going to do the long-distance thing for awhile?" Sebastian was too interested in the answer and when Kurt shook his head no, Sebastian's hopes soared. August couldn't come soon enough, or earlier if Adam left before then for this role.
"I've done the long distance thing before, it doesn't work. You know, the only reason I think I've ever been to callbacks is because I was dating Adam? It is most definitely an invite only type of place unless you are a student at NYADA. NYU has their own bar. Sometimes they mix and swap. I'm going to lose more than just Adam with this change." Kurt looked really concerned about it. "At least with Brody around, he would invite me along because he felt sorry for me and it was before Rachel met Blaine."
"Please, you'll be getting invites from Blaine and probably Rachel. She really wants you to be with Blaine, haven't you noticed?"
"Blaine-." Kurt shook his head. "Blaine's interested in a lot of guys. He's fickle."
"He's convinced himself that he's half in love with you." He still hadn't seen Blaine actually with anyone the whole time he'd been subjected to him on the occasions when they all got together.
"Good for him." Kurt snorted. "I might have dated him once upon a time but nothing would convince me to go down that road now. Once he realizes that, he'll be pulling Rachel even further from me."
Kurt's hands had returned to the table and cupped around his drink. Sebastian braved it after the last time he touched Kurt today, wanting to offer some comfort. He curled his fingers around Kurt's wrist and was surprised when he felt his pulse jump and quicken. Ah. So many answers with that small tell-tale sign. Sebastian wondered when it started, he hadn't felt it before but that didn't mean it hadn't been there.
Kurt struggled to just remain there, hoping not to give anything away but he already had and didn't know it. Sebastian was seeing him with new eyes, with hope growing. It had started to seem like it wasn't just Adam that would have kept them apart, that Kurt was just genuinely uninterested in him and even if he broke things off with Adam, that Sebastian would have no chance.
Whatever Sebastian was going to say, whatever reassurances went straight out of his head as this was the only thing he could think about. He called Kurt out on it even though it was far too soon, too early to do so but he wanted to lay the building blocks. He didn't want to be swept out from under the knees when someone moved in before he could.
He didn't even need to spell it out, Kurt would know exactly what he was asking. "How long?"
Kurt didn't look him in the eyes for a very long moment. He thought Kurt would deny it now. But he did look up, and his eyes were glistening. "Probably always but I didn't realize it until we didn't see each other for these last three weeks. It made it harder to get to know his family and friends when part of me didn't even want to try, knowing the truth. Maybe they sensed what I didn't really understand myself yet. My torn feelings."
"Then...?" Sebastian was excited and didn't do anything to tamper it down.
Kurt shook his head sadly. "I can't do that to Adam. I owe him so much and it would be highly inappropriate and cast a shadow over anything you and I had."
"So you're going to continue dating him and just remain friends with me? How is that fair to anyone?"
Kurt swallowed and took his hands back, but brought his drink with him this time, putting a firm wall between them. "You don't want anything serious, Sebastian. Adam and I have a history that I have to honor. You can wait until he and I break up for real before you and I can even discuss what it would be between us." Kurt shifted uncomfortably. "I don't cheat and I don't do one-night stands."
"Do you really think I would do something like that to you? That we could just be satisfied with one night?"
"I know this is cruel to say, Seb, but I've seen how you've operated. I know what you say you want in the long run with some guy and so I don't know how things would work out between us when you find yourself disappointed with the fantasy."
"I wasn't good enough at hiding my interest, huh?" Sebastian was pretty sure Adam was still in the dark.
"You want anything that moves and has certain anatomy parts."
"And reaches a certain threshold of attractiveness." Sebastian agreed with a lecherous glance over Kurt.
"See, you joke." Kurt wasn't even moved by his intentions.
"You are bringing into question my intentions and integrity. I'm just helping you out." Sebastian was angry and held Kurt's eyes for a very long time before his shoulders slumped and he went serious. Kurt needed it if he were going to get anywhere but hypothetical with him. "I've never wanted anyone as much as I've wanted you."
"Therein lies the problem. You've got me on a pedestal and I will never be able to match up. You'll inevitably be disappointed and then everyone in my personal life will be gone."
He was on the verge of saying that Kurt would still have Santana but that wasn't what he needed. He needed complete honesty and Sebastian didn't know what Santana would do if her best friend broke up with her other best friend. In fact, if Santana chose Kurt- then Sebastian would be bereft of any real relationship in his life outside of family. Kurt would still have the Lima boys if nothing else. "I've also never had a friend like you. I've never been friends with any of the guys I've been with. I already know a lot of your quirks and look forward to finding out more of them."
Kurt hesitated, looking a bit torn and then shook his head. "I am not breaking up with Adam because of this and I'm not cheating on him - in any capacity. This conversation was just one conversation and nothing can come from it. We're going to go back to being just friends and we're both going to put these thoughts and feeling away. If we can't, then we can't be friends anymore."
Sebastian had been afraid of this outcome. "Are you really that in love with him?" Sebastian just didn't understand the relationship but Kurt wouldn't talk about it, he didn't spread gossip about his relationships while he was in them or afterward. Everything he'd ever said had always just been factual. He'd had a boyfriend who'd died. He'd dated someone long distance, it didn't last. He had a boyfriend currently and he wouldn't be anything but loyal to him. They sat in silence for a long time, taking sips of their drinks, and neither willing to budge. Finally, the friendship was more important to Sebastian than anything else, he finally bent. "Ok, friends only."
Still, the door had been cracked open and Sebastian saw light through it.
He tried to remember that when he started seeing Kurt less and less over the next few months. He had to remind himself too that Kurt was busy with school and as his internship turned into a full fledged job. He also had a boyfriend and they needed private time alone.
They kept the meet up at the coffee shop on the calender, changed the time a little due to the new schedules and Kurt would try to keep it as much as he could. Still, they were both busy.
Ironically, Sebastian saw Kurt more the last few weeks that Adam was in the country. He'd taken the role off of West-End that he'd been offered. He was due in London about two months after classes finished for the year after graduation. Since school had finished, they all had a bit more free time. Although Kurt's free time was ate up considerably by Isabelle handing him more responsibilities. He was running around to different types of shops and to different designers and photographers and running himself ragged. It was a very busy time of the year for him as the spring lines hit the market. He hadn't physically made a piece of clothing since the school year ended.
They did continue with the band and they just reused costumes from earlier in the year. They hadn't had a show for a few weeks while Kurt was busy but they were going to play more over the summer. Elliott and Dani hadn't been seen since that last performance that Sebastian went to. Nobody was invited to any of their shows from this group except Adam. That was fair but Blaine and Rachel had pouted about it at one of their get-togethers. Kurt was constantly on his phone at that time and Adam had actually taken his phone out of his hands and put it in his pocket.
Sebastian was sure Kurt would have dove after it and then an awkward moment would ensue and then they'd sneak off to Kurt's room or something. Kurt just let Adam take it from him and gave him a bashful smile and thanks. Kurt was salaried and so it meant his hours never ended. Sebastian found that to be a bit of a missed opportunity to spark a round of sex. He definitely wouldn't have let that slip away if he'd been in Kurt's position. If he'd been in Adam's he'd have flaunted it with a challenging grin and a swivel of his hips, arms above his head, daring Kurt to go after the phone.
They were affectionate and touched but it was very mild to what Sebastian still wanted to do with Kurt. It was sweet, that's what it was. He found that to be a very odd relationship, solid, but odd. He knew what he told Kurt, but he'd been harboring these feelings for over a year now, he wasn't going to just turn them off because of what he'd said. He'd already tried several times and had failed for the first time in his life. Then again, these feelings were so foreign to him, he didn't actually want to stop feeling them. They were unique and new to him, even after a year of feeling them, they were still new and growing deeper all the time.
Kurt treated him no differently than he had prior to acknowledging there was more there than he'd previously realized. He treated Sebastian like a friend. It really ticked Sebastian off that he could do so, so easily. Sebastian really had to work at it and yet Kurt did it so effortlessly. Kurt had to be mistaking himself when he'd admitted to feeling more. He had to have been just so concerned about everything that he confused everything.
Blaine had used Adam's announcement that he was heading home at the end of July as a reason to start hanging about more. He actually pulled himself away from Rachel to chat with Kurt more and help out whenever there were tasks to be done. He put himself next to Kurt, 'accidentally' brushing up against him or touching him. Kurt ignored it all but Adam hadn't missed it.
Adam came up to Sebastian the week before he was due to leave. He knew Kurt was coming in soon and had gotten there earlier. "I wanted to talk to you before I go to England."
Sebastian thought Adam was going to call him out on his behavior or designs on Kurt. He waved him to the seat across from him. "Yes?"
"Do you mind looking out for Kurt? I know Blaine's got his eyes set on Kurt, he's ready to ask him out the second my back is turned. I don't want Kurt to end up with him, he's only going to hurt Kurt. It would be a disaster of a relationship. That's one that should remain firmly in the friendship zone or end completely."
"I completely agree." Sebastian had his own motives though.
"There's more." Adam smiled broadly at Sebastian. "You've been such a good friend to me and Kurt, Santana too. Thank you for that. I know there was some kind of issue with Elliott but I know that everyone will get over that. Dani and Santana have buried the hatchet, so to speak."
"Yeah, surprise-surprise." They still liked to play 'bury the hatchet' on occasion when both were single and bored.
"So I got you, Santana and Kurt tickets to my play. I've even purchased a flight for all of you." Adam passed them over to Sebastian. "I'd give them to Kurt but with his crazy schedule, things have been slipping through the cracks and I'm fairly certain he'd be at the airport a week early or late and not even realize he had the dates wrong. If it isn't a work related date, it's been a bit Topsy-turvy." Sebastian had been noticing that too. "I trust you to be able to keep track of dates and get everyone to the airport on time."
"Kurt's not going to like this." Sebastian meant being maneuvered behind his back.
"Yeah, I already know that he'll be paying me back despite my insistence that I have enough to afford those tickets."
Sebastian hadn't even thought about that. "I should pay you back. I'll pay for all the tickets, actually. It'll be easier for him to pay me back then." Sebastian pulled out his phone to send the money to Adam. "I can definitely afford it." Ok, maybe he didn't like Adam buying his own boyfriend a flight and tickets for two of their friends as well. Sebastian was used to getting free things but was a little affronted with the gift. He was hoping by then Kurt would be his boyfriend. This was definitely a ploy to keep Kurt in Adam's grasp.
"No, no, it's mainly a gift for Kurt. I want him there opening night, it'll really do me wonders to see his supportive face in the audience. I'd like you two there as well."
"Is this your way of leaving the door open?" Sebastian asked, trying to keep suspicion and ulterior motives out of his voice and off his face.
"No." Adam shook his head. "Of course there's always going to be a hope that we can rekindle what we have in the future but Kurt and I have gone our course. I'm willing to accept that. I knew going into it that it was unlikely to be forever. It's lasted longer than I ever dreamed it would. I just don't want to lose his friendship though."
Since Sebastian had been faced with that very same prospect not too long ago, he completely understood. He looked upon Adam with a new light, finding they had more in common than he had always thought.
For the first time, he felt guilty about what he had planned, when he could get Adam out of the way.