Author Note: Yo we got two reviewers! Thanks you two for reviewing the story, I greatly appreciate it. I responded to one of the reviews on the bottom page of this chapter. Thanks again for reading. Please remember to follow, favorite and review it greatly helps with my motivation. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful and awesome day, also this chapter was shorter than the others. Still I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 9

"So…you've finally come."

Ben stared at the shimmering blue lights of his master as the coarse wind ruffled through his hair. He was a mile away from the campground that him and team avatar set up. He departed from camp during the first light of the sun.

He tried to…meditate. Mediating was always a hard thing for him to do, he was always so used to battle and fighting to the point where just sitting still in silence was dreadful for him. Even calling on the force for mundane task would nearly cause him to pass out.

Ben got up from his crouch as the misty blue reflection of his master cocked her head towards him. "Have you finally realized your responsibility towards the Jed, and this world?" She asked, only causing Ben to nod in agreement.

Even then, Ben bowed. His eyes towards her shoes as Meetra's eyes widened at the new sense of respect.

"I am sorry, Meetra. For everything." He raised his head towards her, his eyes glossing over her form as he tried to hold in his emotions. "I was wrong for everything…I know, I am a monster. Even then I need you to teach me once again the ways of the Jedi."

Meetra, she kneeled towards her apprentice. She could feel it…the guilt and sorrow that emanated within the force that surrounded him. She knew that it wasn't his fault…merely the fault of his masters, including her and the teachings of the jedi that warped him.

The war…and his fall to the dark side were merely a result of her failings as a master. Though, she knew Benjamin well. They had fought together during each of the battles of the Mandalorian Wars, a truly powerful warrior he became.

After she lost her connection…after she forced him to do what she failed herself to do, it was all her fault. She abandoned him to the Sith while she wandered the galaxy after her exile, everything that he became was on her.

Even then she knew that telling Benjamin how he was a child soldier…that he was merely a slave to the higher powers and didn't know any better, especially towards the order that had betrayed him.

Should he the student be blamed for her failures as his master, she abandoned him after Malachor V and he went to follow Revan due to his own trauma and knowing full well the punishment the Jedi would of gave him due to following Revan and his Revanchrest to war against the Mandalorians.

She simply sighed. Shaking her head as she heard Ben's words grace her ears. She was lucky…lucky that Ben was able to live this long. Lucky that the smoke of his lungs didn't kill him, or the alcohol didn't damage his organs or get him involved into a drunken brawl that would have surely killed him…lucky that Ben didn't take his own life due to the horrific trauma and nightmares he was forced to experience.

Her Benjamin…her first apprentice. She wouldn't fail him again, this was her time to correct the mistakes she made when she was eighteen. "Alright then, let's begin."

Ben nodded his head as he got up from his bow. A small grin appeared over his face as he eagerly waited Meetra's instruction. Meetra, she could tell that he was happy…hell, she was fortunate as well for this second chance.

"Meetra, I need to confess…" Meetra heard his words, nodding for her apprentice to continue. Ben took a deep breath as he parted his lips to speak. "I can hardly remember any of my abilities…my lightsaber forms as well, a lot of times I've called upon the force was mostly muscle memory."

Meetra nodded her head with her young apprentice's statement, this wasn't the first time she heard of such things. "Yes, that is unfortunate…though not a rarity." She murmured, causing Ben to lock his eyes back onto his master.

"Yes, there were times where Jedi like you cut themselves off from the force…and mentally blocked the force and their other memories. Meditation and experience Benji, that is the key to unlocking it." Meetra lectured, Ben nodding his head continuously as he absorbed the knowledge she was speaking.

What Meetra was saying was correct. He felt it and saw it firsthand; he was able to lash out with his force pushes and pulls with the force, core force abilities. Even then when he was fighting against Kiara, he was able to create powerful tendrils of force lightning.

He didn't know if he could it on demand…back then it was due to his fear of dying, and his fear of what Kiara would do to his friends. His gaze went down towards his right palm, the amount of power he felt back then was euphoric. A part of him wanted to feel it again, the outburst of using the force to conjure lightning was a powerful feeling, there was nothing like it in this world.

There were days where he just wanted to try it, days where he would tell himself that he would just aim it at a wall or something…just embrace the dark side within him for only a second or two. Like a junkie telling themselves one more time…

The smokes and alcohol helped with that. Helped as well with the nightmares and the horrific memories that plagued him. That was also what made Meetra's next demand even harder.

"You can't drink anymore…I want the smokes that you have, I want them gone."

The request graced Ben's ears. His eyes widening as he instantly went to argue only to be halted by Meetra's raised palm. "Those things, I told you before…they limit your connection to the force. The alcohol and the smokes are a stone in the road for you Benjamin, you have to push forward."

Ben grit his teeth. He knew that Meetra was correct, that his force abilities even with proper meditation would not be as powerful as before if he was too intoxicated to use them. Memories of Kiara and what she was capable of pounded in his head, he simply grunted as a reply.

Meetra just shook her head. She knew that even if she did get Ben to comply today then he would only be lying. He was consumed by his own indulgences to forget the past, heck she was sure that a part of him was still questioning if he truly wanted to become a Jedi.

She knew that Ben's connection to the force was…complicated. Even so, she knew he held guilt over his actions during both the Mandalorian and Jedi Civil War. Both conflicts wrecking his mind and his own loyalty towards the jedi.

Even then she was sure that a part of Ben still hated them. He still hated the mandalorians…and still most importantly hated the jedi. She could remember the day where she learned the truth of what the council had been putting into Ben's head all those years he was living at the enclave. The betrayal they served Benjamin wasn't okay…it was wrong and even she knew they deserved to be punished for it.

Nevertheless, she knew full well that if Benjamin still held such strong hatred and passions, he would surely fall to the dark side again. He needed to let go…

He needed to let go of his hatred towards the fire nation, the mandalorians and the sith…or those feelings would only grow, making him more powerful. Though, in turn making him something far less than a Jedi.

"Let's begin…Benji." Meetra spoke up, waking up the dazed Ben. The boy needing a second due to Meetra using his nickname. She placed her hand out in front of her, aimed at a boulder jutting from the earth. "Lift it…" She commanded.

Ben nodded his head, tossing off his shirt as he closed his eyes. He felt the force form around him as he felt the weight of his breath, the force came towards him…though it felt different than before.

Before it felt like an echo on the edge of a cavern. You could hear and maybe trace the source of the echo, even then it is still an echo, it isn't the same as the original. However, Ben felt something completely different.

Like he was in a dark forest, and the light of the campfire was gracing his presence. He wasn't close enough to the flames to feel it's heat, only close enough to see the blaze and enjoy the orange light it would create.

He slowly parted his eyes open, exhausting the air from his nose as he jutted out his right hand. His fingers softly parting as he felt the tension of the force wrap around the boulder. The exile felt the strain of his body, the sweat bearing down on him as his golden eyes shone from the dark forest.

The boulder began to softly and slowly break into the air. The roots and dirt fell off from the bottom of the uprooted rock as it hovered in the air.

"Well done, Benji." Meetra praised. The boy's lips spread into a grin. The rock collapsing back into the hole with a mighty drop.

Ben let out a heavy breath. The young exile taking a knee as the sweat fell from his sides, gracing the soil like fallen rain. "What now, Master?"

"Keep on going…until we stop."

Ben turned back towards Meetra. "Until we stop?" He pointed back towards the rock. "I was able to lift the rock, I can also create powerful force pushes as well. Maybe we should…"

Meetra stopped Ben, shaking her head. "That's not the point, Ben. You've been lashing out with the force in situations that placed yourself in danger, even then you must get used to using the force on larger objects for longer periods of time. Think of it as strength training."

After that piece of information. Ben gruffly complied as he continued doing the exercise. Even as he felt the strain of exhaustion pull at him, the boy kept on going. His eyes fixated solely on the boulder, while his mind only focused solely on his connection to the force.

After thirty minutes he collapsed to the ground. His arms the only thing that was stopping him from collapsing onto the face first to the floor. Meetra stood watching him as she noted the boy's skill, it was quite impressive that he was able to keep lifting the boulder and maintaining it in the air for that long of the time.

Ben…if he kept on trying, and committed himself towards his training, then…just maybe they will be ready for the legion of fire nation and Sith actively pursuing them.

"Ben…do you recall any lightsaber forms?" Meetra asked her student.

Ben aimed his gaze towards her. He was sweating buckets, his long hair plastered along his neck as his bright golden eyes locked onto her own.

"Kind of, it's complicated. I can still remember the balance I mastered when I was training with the double-bladed lightsaber, though I can hardly remember any of the lightsaber forms." Meetra nodded her head at Ben's statement as she registered the information.

Ben would have to relearn his lightsaber forms. It would be similar with what they were doing right now, even then he would need a lightsaber for such a task, though she knew that they didn't have much time to wait until the force gave Ben the pieces to finally arrange for him to build his saber.

She glossed over Ben's sword that limply laid along the floor of the forest. The sword resembled a lightsaber in a way, the long hilt and the enlarged blade. She didn't have anything else to teach him with so she would have to deal with what she was given.

"Benjamin, how many of the forms did you master? I've been away and I don't know." She asked

"Obviously, I know shi qui the simplest of all the forms. I was taught the Shien form by Kreia, you taught me Ataru during the wars. Though, that was it. I was never taught Makashi, Soresu, Juyo or Niman. Though…" Ben scanned his head, almost like a lightbulb lightning up in his head. "Ah…also Jar Kai."

Meetra's eyes widened. "Jar Kai?" Meetra spoke, astonished with her young apprentice. "I know that you converted your lightsaber into a double bladed one. Even then, I never knew you learned the form to duel wield two lightsaber blades at once."

Ben nodded his head with her statement, a faint grin of admiration over his face as he was able to impress Meetra. It felt nice for him to finally impress one of his teachers, Kreia during his training was quite apathetic…even then she seemed more human than the other members of the council who taught him.

Jar Kai was a lightsaber form of the jedi order. It was kind of ironic that Ben learned the form when he was attending the academy on Korriban while Revan and the rest of the Sith were preparing for the war with the republic.

Ben shook the memories out of his head. Turning back to his master. "Yeah, it's a skill I learned. Though, I never really liked the feeling of two separate blades. Give me a single bladed and I'll be fine…"

Meetra noted the word he used. A single bladed lightsaber…it was kind of strange that he asked for such a weapon. During his time at the academy, he constructed a single bladed weapon, even then right before he left to join Revan, he converted his single bladed blade into a double bladed one…beating his friends in a duel.

Meetra…didn't want to think about that day anymore. She could hardly understand what the main conflict was about, why they were even fighting in the first place.

"Meetra, I wish to learn a force ability…I don't want to only focus on making my core abilities stronger."

"Okay, lets get to it. Wait…did you just say no core abilities?" Meetra spoke. Ben nodding his head with commitment as he got ready.

Meetra, she knew the truth behind what Benjamin was. A dark side adept, someone who's force abilities lie with the darker aspects of the force. Though, there were people that were dark side adepts that could use the light side, not as powerful with their affinity towards the darkness but even then, they still could have used it.

Ben was an anomaly. A force user, a Jedi that could never use any of the abilities of the light was practically useless…and she knew that deep inside Ben, even when he was just a child, he knew this.

The masters isolated him, abandoned him…forgot that he even existed. To them, behind closed doors he was merely a stain towards the order and its teachings. Yet, Meetra saw the boy's commitment, the fire that sparked within those brilliant golden eyes of his.

Just maybe…maybe something changed. Maybe after those horrific experiences he had to go through, just maybe he could harness the light now, it's been years. Maybe, something changed.

"Okay, force valor…I assume you've heard of the ability before." Meetra spoke, unwavering in her words as Ben braced himself. He took a deep breath as he closed his eyes as his master continued to speak. "Imagine, Benjamin…imagine the force flowing through you. Feel the force strengthen your body, feel your senses sharpen and heighten. Feel the power that fills your insides, feel it rejuvenate yourself."

Meetra concluded her words. Ben simply stood there, gnashing his teeth as he tried to focus. Trying to harness force valor with all his might as his form nearly buckled under the pressure. His breathing quickened, his hands felt clammy and twitched erratically.

Until he…

He fell to the floor. His arms laid out in front of him, catching his body as Meetra simply walked over towards her apprentice. "Why is it not working?" He merely spoke, his eyes towards the floor as the sweat dropped from him. His gaze implanted towards the earth as Meetra watched silently.

She wasn't judging him. Merely observing him, she was prepared for this. She would've been a fool not to. He was a dark side adept, that same boy who couldn't use the light side of the force wouldn't miraculously know how to now. It was wishful thinking at this point.

Meetra, she understood that Benjamin would need to come to terms with that part of himself. The boy needed to learn self-control; he couldn't keep doing what he has been doing before. He can't lash out with the dark side and expect everything to be alright.

To him it will always just be…one more. One more time I'll use force lightning, one more time I'll lash out with the force…until one more time equals to nearly a dozen. By that point, Ben will simply stop saying one more time and just commit himself to the dark side or create some sort of delusion.

Ben tilted his head towards his master. The woman simply staring at him, though ben took it differently. His eyes widening as he felt her gaze set onto him. It was just like before, the same feeling he was subjected to when he was a child.

The way the masters would stare at him…the way they would gaze along his shivering form as he failed to meet their expectations. Meetra's face warped and contorted to the ones that failed him, the ones that forgot and abandoned him.

He clawed at the dirt floor. Feeling unimaginable amount of shame and guilt for his failure as he berated himself for what he truly was. He was wrong…he was a failure. How could he become a jedi knight, when he couldn't call upon the light side of the force?

However, feelings of sorrow and self-loathing turned to anger and hate. He didn't ask for this, he didn't want any of this to happen. Maybe if the pricks on the council didn't force Ben's hand, maybe if the council members didn't send off children to fight the Mandalorian threat then maybe he wouldn't turned into this!

His breathing became scraped and rabid like a rabid mutt. "God damnit!" The exile roared, his right fist impacting the dirt as he felt the tension of the dark side flowing through him. It's familiar and cold feeling urging him along like a seductive song, whispering into his ears praises and words of power and grandeur.

Red vibrant cracks of electricity formed along Ben's body. His eyes glued to the dirt as he felt the lure of the darkside's tempt. Meetra hesitantly watched as she felt the dark side surge around Ben. The boy now realizing what was happening as he snapped the connection.

He fell backwards as he stripped the connection, the young exile staring at his palms as he saw the faint sparks of red lightning disappear.

Meetra watched the ability in awe. Force rage, it was an unrefined version of it…most likely due to Ben's connection of the force or maybe unfamiliarity with the ability. Even so, he was able to use the ability.

Ben got back into his stance. Meetra watching him with her mouth partially open as she watched her apprentice once again try force valor. "Don't worry, Meetra. I won't disappoint you…I won't fail you." He quickly said.

She watched him…for a time. She didn't know what to say, even as she saw the ting of rest that Ben needed, she remained quiet. She didn't know what to do or say…

What was she going to say? What would she have told Ben right now…to stop and to give up? Try and convince him that as a Jedi he could only use his core abilities…

Even if she did, she knew that Ben would keep on trying. That he would keep on trying to become this "Ideal" version of the jedi that he wanted to be. Though, Meetra knew that it was far too late for that.

He was still that…that scared little boy that still hoped to become a Jedi Knight. The real question was… how long will he hold onto that dream of the Jedi?

Ben collapsed to the floor. His breathing ragged as he turned back towards his master. Meetra taking a step backwards from the sight of Ben as he stared up at her. His voice raspy, his eyes feral and uncontained.

"Meetra…why has the light side of the force, abandoned me?"

Reviews

hmatico: Thanks for reviewing bro, I greatly appreciate it. This was a very interesting review and I wanted to say once again thanks for reading and reviewing. Ben throwing off the smokes off of the cliff would of have been a really good character moment, a sign of him changing for the better and walking the path of the Jedi knight. Though, I am saving certain scenes like that for later. Remember, Benjamin is a fifteen year old child soldier with severe PTSD, trauma, night terrors and a severe hatred towards authority. The dude is really fucked up and the smoking and drinking helps him with that trauma. Realistically as a human being he wouldn't just toss those off the cliff and everything would be all fine and dandy. He's an addict that needs help, yes he has improved with his time due to the avatar and has started the journey of healing. Even so he can heal and recover, but he will never be fixed. Don't get me wrong Ben will improve as the story goes on, even so he will also degrade and change as an individual. Both getting better and worse due to the experiences he suffers in the story. Thanks for reading and I greatly appreciate the review