VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: Listen this chapter was okay I think. There may be some issues with it but I think it came out good. I would like to hear what you guys thought about it. I have been sick all week but I still got the chapter done...yeah I guess. Please remember to favorite, follow and review. I greatly appreciate it and it helps with my motivation. Even writing a Review typing in "Hi!" would make me feel greatly motivated. Thank you all for reading this chapter, next one is going to be one of my favorites. Also before I go, Benjamin will eventually construct his own lightsaber soon. It will be soon so don't you worry those people that were getting sick of Benjamin using his sword it will happen soon. Thanks again for reading and have a wonderful and awesome day!
Chapter 10
- The Fortune Teller (Part I) -
Ben's scream riddled through the campground. His fevered insane cry launched him forward as he pushed off the sheets from his bed roll. His sweating frame visible to see as the lumps of sweat dripped from his face and down his nose.
His hair was plastered to the back of his neck as his frantic and coarse breathing echoed along the campground.
Aang's form shot up, the wind circulating around him as he launched himself quickly to his feet. Sokka, panicking as he frantically tried to grab his boomerang. Katara, tried to get herself out of her sleeping bag to only trip over it.
"What's going on!" Sokka slashed at the air with his boomerang. The layers of darkness clouding his eyes. "Are we being attacked!" He anxiously breathed out, his weapon still swiping through the air.
Ben's hollowed breath echoed through the campground. His eyes clamped shut as his palm went to his face. After a second, he parted his mouth to speak.
"No…no…just a nightmare." Ben panted out. The other three began to slowly calm down, Ben's lumbering form sitting straight up as he hunched over his bed roll. It had been a whole week ever since him and Meetra had begun his training and he once again decided to follow the path of the Jedi Knight.
Force ability training and trying to teach himself lightsaber forms. At first it was hard for Ben to learn again, the dull of the alcohol and the smokes limited his potential with the force. Even so, after merely a week he had seen progress.
Maybe it was due to the excessive alcohol and smokes that were still in his system but as they began to be filtered out, he began to feel slightly better. His body felt lighter, and his breath didn't feel as heavy as it once was anymore. The force as well didn't feel as much as an echo as it once was.
Even so…the demons of the night had begun to haunt him again. He was a fool, believing that his sudden proclamation as a Jedi Knight would have stopped the memories that have haunted him to leave him alone.
There were times as well…where he would lose control over his left hand. His fingers clenching and unclenching as the shakiness of his palm spasmed throughout this core. He would have to use his right hand to level it down. Sometimes…violet sparks would emit from his fingertips, uncontrolled and unrestrained.
He was back there, twelve years old with his double-bladed lightsaber. He could feel it at times, the force heightening the senses of the dream world. It was almost like he was reliving a memory…like he was back in the massive jungles of Eres III, back in the Mandalorian Wars.
His palm went to his face, his eyes closed as he tried to still his breathing and to relax. He was back there in those dreams at times…back in that jungle, they didn't know anything. They were just kids who just reached the ranks of knighthood, there were many like Benjamin who were merely apprentices who were swayed by Malak and Revan to join them.
Left thinking that the war was going to become an adventure, that the council were being fools just like around the Exar Kun Wars. Choosing to not get involved and the republic would eventually be paid the price for it, they won the war just in time, by the skin of their teeth in the very end. Though, it was the farthest thing from an adventure…it was a hell.
The mandalorians set fire to that jungle…they burned it, the fires that still burnt even after all these years. Ben's breathing went shallow, his eyes not glossy anymore. Now they were full of rage and hate…
'It was the Jedi's fault! They allowed children to fight their war for them…they turned me into this, they broke me!' Ben's thoughts exploded in his head. The dreams forcing him to relive the hellish memories of his past.
Maybe it was due to his resentment, maybe it was due to not coming to terms with the past. Ben would never forget what they did to him.
His hatred for the Jedi began to grow again…thought it was different now. The pit that was within him, the pit that held the beast deep within. Whether Ben knew it or not, it was laughing at the boy who called himself a jedi.
The beast knew…that Benjamin would never be one of them. Just like in the academy on Dantooine, he would always be an outsider looking in. A true Jedi Exile. However, it chooses to wait…to bide it's time and to conserve its strength, to wait for the time where it can fully release and rampage everything in its path.
Until Benjamin finally learns to let go…
The sun brightly illuminated the path as team avatar trudged through the dirt roads. The forest surrounded them; the looming branches of the oak trees occasionally dipped over the four teens giving them a pleasant cold shade.
Ben was walking in front of them all, being nearly a meter ahead as he pushed one foot in front of the other as he continued down the path.
"Sokka, is Ben…okay?" Aang spoke up as Sokka and Katara both turned towards the young airbender.
All three of the trio gazed at the boy who was walking far ahead of them. The young airbender seeing the ripples of annoyance and frustration that followed Ben as he put one-foot Infront of the other.
"He had that nightmare; I think we should just give him some time to think." Sokka spoke. The young warrior not parting his eyes off of Ben's form.
Sokka, he wanted to help. He really did…though where would he start? He was very greatly for what Ben had done for him and his sister, even then he super confused on where to even begin. Ben was quiet, using sarcasm and jokes to divert the topic elsewhere.
Sure, Sokka was an expert with sarcasm and jokes. Yet, he knew that wasn't what Ben needed. He needed someone to level with him and talk.
Sokka didn't know, even Katara and Aang were perplexed. Ironically, the youngest and less mature of the bunch…Aang, had the closest idea to what Ben was thinking. Ben was irritable and annoyed; he had seen the boy abstain from smokes and liquor, but the nightmares were something else.
He could recall what he heard from Ben's lips. How he didn't believe that he was a good person, and how he fell to the Dark Side in the past. The monks never told him tales of the Sith but of the Jedi. There legends and tales dazzled the young airbender, that was also why he was excited to meet an actual one like Ben.
Sure, he wasn't expecting a chain smoker and a borderline alcoholic. Though, he was proud that Ben decided to walk the path of the Jedi and stick with them. Even so, he didn't know what else to do. It was a rarity that Ben even opened up to him and even rarer for Ben to even bring up his past.
A part of Aang couldn't even believe it that Ben fell to the dark side and was like that woman they encountered at the town. His care for Bill, aiding them when they needed him. Even going with them on this journey proved that he was a good person that was willing to risk his safety to help them.
While the trio of team avatar discussed and spoke, Ben put one foot in front of the other. He was having his own conversation with himself; his own battle was waging in his head. The dream or rather the nightmare making him think about things in a whole new light, also his sobriety as well giving him a distinctive perspective of things.
He combed through his hair as his golden eyes were aimed towards the floor. They sparkled under the rays of sunlight like discarded jewels. 'Did I really want to be a Jedi?' He thought, kicking a pebble further down the path.
His eyes widened at the thought. It was random and uncalled for…even so he didn't push it away. His eyes narrowing as he thought about it for a second. He still held hatred towards the council and his order. He thought overtime that after he began a Jedi again, that he could have learned to forgive them after what they did to him.
It's been nearly over a week…and the hate and anger were still there, rather diminishing it felt like it was getting stronger. Like a flame that was getting continuously getting stroked.
He couldn't forgive them for what they had done to him. Even with his experience with the vision, he could never forgive the council for the hell that they forced onto him. Even so, if he didn't want to become a Jedi then what other choices were there?
There were only Jedi and Sith…nothing else and nothing more. Sure, he had heard tales of Jolee Bindo, the self-proclaimed grey jedi. Even then from the tales he had heard about him, the man wasn't anything like him. Jolee was still a Jedi that held a powerful light side affinity, he wasn't like Benjamin who held strong connections to the dark side of the force.
The only thing they both had in common was there issues with the Jedi Order. Even so Jolee was noted for simply disagreeing with the council and their ways, he didn't hate them in the way Benjamin hated them.
Jolee was just a man with normal force powers that left the council. Ben was an anomaly, a freak that was shunned from the light side of the force. There was no one else like him in the universe, he was truly alone…he wanted to talk to someone about these feelings, but no one else would understand. Hell, he could hear what they would tell him.
How to simply just "Use his abilities" like it would solve everything. While he was in the Mandalorian wars Revan gave him ancient text of the old Jedi order, they were rare and dated back to the old hyperspace wars. It was his gift for being a model soldier…a model Sith.
He could remember crossing his legs and analyzing the text. Even then, there wasn't much to learn. He was able to learn a technique to further control his abilities with telekinesis but that was it. Only now…
"Light and Dark…merely just tools."
He stopped in his tracks as that one sentence radiated in his head. He didn't care much for it when he was succumbed by war, just chalking it up to some geezer overthinking or under analyzing something. Back then he simply just tossed the scroll away and walked off to train with his lightsaber in the training halls of Korriban. Though, those words now sent a ripple through his body.
'What would happen if all this time. The light side and the dark side…the force as a whole. Were merely just tools to be used, tools to be controlled by one powerful enough to will it.'
Ben tried to shake the thought out of his head, he didn't want to think about it anymore. Sure, it sounded nice on paper though the force couldn't have been as simple as that…or could it?
Ben wasn't sure if he could have handled that answer if it was the truth…if he learned that was the true nature of the force. Even awkwardly laughing at the idea of it, due to the simplification of such things. A force user held powers that could destroy a planet…powers that could level a star and create super nova's. It had to be impossible for such a power to be simplified in such a way.
His whole life the Jedi drilled into him that the dark side was wrong. They drilled that point into him that he even feared his own abilities until Kreia woke him up to the truth.
Even then…after learning the truth. His whole life has been dictated by such values, of there both being two clear sides, that being of Light and dark…Jedi and Sith…Good and Evil.
To just say that one could use it with just self-control, just sounds ridiculous.
Ben combed through his hair as he felt the wind whip through him as he analyzed his thoughts. The young exile at war with his mind, it would of have been ridiculous, idiotic to actually believe that control is all someone can need.
'Freedon Nadd, Exar Kun, Marko Ragnos, Revan, Ulic Qel Droma, Naga Sadow, Ajunta Pall, etc. They all fell to the dark side of the force…was it because they failed to control the dark side or was it because they let themselves be consumed by it?'
Ben tried to think about everything he learned about the ancient and past Sith. Drawing on the lectures of the Jedi Order while recounting his experiences in the old library on Korriban. They weren't like him; they didn't all have dark side affinities.
Maybe, he was different…he proclaimed to be a Jedi knight, though he needed to get stronger to protect Aang and the rest of his friends. He could only rely on his core force abilities for so long, maybe if he just tried to zap something or release something with dark side energy…
Maybe, if he could try to limit his use of the dark side and just try to maintain self-control within himself, maybe then…
'Stop, making excuses…' Ben slammed his eyes shut as he tried to stop the thoughts in his head. Shaking his head from side to side. 'This is getting ridiculous…' he chastised himself.
He was doing it again, looking for a reason to use the dark side. Trying to use his innate gift of the darker aspects of the force. He didn't understand why he was having such thoughts; they had only been getting harder and harder to fight after he stopped drinking and smoking.
That itch within his brain telling him to try it, to blast everything with lightning was so tempting. The nightmares as well, they've been getting worse and worse after he reconnected with the force. He knew that Aang and the rest needed him, though a part of him…
'Maybe, if I have a drink or a smoke. Just a little bit and I'll be fine.' He thought in his head. He wanted…he needed something to still the voice in his head. To block out the pain of his past and the nightmares that would forever haunt him.
He went to his pants pocket. Trailing his fingers to grasp one of his cigarettes…only for him not to feel the tension of the smokes. He had gotten so used to getting them out of his pocket that they were basically muscle memory.
Ben's eyes flared. "GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!" His roar carried through the forest. The birds nestled along the trees flown away from the young exile's wraith.
"Okay, that does it…" Katara spoke up as she began to move quicker than the other pair of boys. Even with their protest they couldn't stop the water tribe bender to not rush after the exile.
"Ben…" She softly murmured to the exile. His back still not turned as her honey filled voice filled his ears
Ben gritted his teeth, turning towards her. "God, what is it Katara?" Ben snapped back. His eyes narrowed as he stared at the water tribe girl. Katara, she kept walking with Ben at the same pace, her eyes aimed at his face as she wondered what the right words were to say.
Ben's golden eyes looked hollow. They were both sunken in and red, it looked like he hadn't had a good rest in weeks. His hair was uncombed and in tendrils, obviously not taken care of and was held carelessly by nothing.
"Are you…okay?"
Katara wanted to face palm herself for asking such a dumb question. She couldn't help but roll her eyes from how stupid she just sounded. Of course, Benjamin was not okay, he was obviously suffering.
"Just peachy…real peachy." He smirked, his eyes not glancing at her as he spoke. "Haven't had a damn smoke or a drink in days. The shakes are getting worse and the nightmares as well."
He grunted the last part out, at least now Katara had an idea of what her next move should be. "Do you want to talk about it? I can listen if you…"
Ben's form started to slow down. He stopped moving as quickly as before and began to start to slowly fall behind. His gaze now aimed at the dirt road that they were following instead of staring straight ahead, purposefully averting his eyes.
…and for a second Katara felt like she had broken through that wall Benjamin put up. That maybe he can finally talk to them about what was weighing down in the mind, though Benjamin…
He clicked his lips. His eyes focused straight ahead. "No…god, I am fine." He once again spat out. Pushing himself further away from Katara, and the rest. Ben walked quicker. His broad shoulders out of reach for Katara's hand as he quickened his pace. Sokka and Aang quickly going towards Katara.
"Give Ben some time…" Aang spoke to Katara. The young airbender offering her a hand. Sokka had an idea of what was bothering Benjamin, this new sobriety thing. He knew of elders and warriors when they stopped smoking or drinking. They would get bitter or more easily annoyed just like Benji.
Sokka ran his hand along his head, sighing as he let out a heavy breath of air. "Yeah, he's been sober for a couple of days now. He'll be irritated but we need to support him. It will be easier for him to relapse."
Ben heard them speak, the force blessing him with better hearing. He knew that they were worried about him, he knew that all they just wanted to do was help. Even so…
Ben's teeth sunk into his bottom lip. Crimson flown from the fresh wound as he felt disgusted with himself. He was the Jedi on this mission, he shouldn't have them worrying about him.
As they continued walking, they began to see something off in the distance. Smoke from chimneys and the clamping of people's boots as they prepared for the day.
"Another town…oh let's see what's going on here!" Ben's sarcastic remark graced the ears of team avatar as his feet pounded off into the distance. The hustle and bustle of a crowd beginning to form as Ben strained his eyes forward.
The town was nearly identical to the one they visited during their first encounter with Kiara. It was smaller, though Ben felt something…a strange feeling within him. His eyes scanned the horizon, a faint mountaintop in view, clouded by the heavy dark storm clouds that have gathered above the mountain.
Ben cocked his head in pure shock. "What the hell?" He murmured aimlessly as he felt a strange presence dawning on him, it was like every hair on his body was sent with a jolt of powerful electricity…
"Come on, Ben!" Katara's voice roared over his ears. He turned back towards the girl, her smiling face and wave of her hand urging Ben to come into this strange building with them. Ben took another look at the mountain and around his surroundings.
There was no trace of the fire nation or the Dark Side. Even though…
'Why do I have this feeling…that something is going to go bad real quick. It's almost like there is something on the edge of the horizon, something was going to go bad, real fast.'
Even then…Ben turned away. Following his friends into that building and shutting the door behind them as the exile and his comrades were led into the room. It wasn't ornate or casual, it was comfortable. "A fortune teller, really?" Ben ribbed. The other members of team avatar kicking off there shoes as they heard the boy.
Aang shrugged his shoulders. "Come on…a little break couldn't be that bad. Let's just enjoy it."
The light brown carpet etched the whole room, as comfy light green pillows decorated the floor. Ben didn't really understand or pick up on what was happening. He simply kicked off his shoes and sat on one of the pillows.
During the week, they took the time to get Ben's arm checked out. He was lucky that it wasn't a break and with some medicine and some time off he would make a full recovery.
Even though, he was forced to wear a cask. He discarded it quickly. Opting out to let it heal naturally, it has been, but Ben knew that they could tell that he was in pain. He needed to be in tip top performance just in case he encountered Kiara once again. He couldn't let her and the fire nation detect his weakness.
"Ben…" Sokka spoke up, nudging him with his shoulder. The exile shaking his head out of his daze as he turned to the young warrior.
"Are you okay…seriously." Sokka spoke up. Both boy's backs laid against the wall as Aang stuck his ear to the wall. Trying to eavesdrop on Katara.
Ben nodded his head, trying to act as sincere as possible. "I'm fine, Sokka. Just tired is all…" he waved off the young warrior. Even so Sokka could detect the lies.
"Yeah, I can tell. You've been having nightmares right. Want to talk about them?"
"No, I don't. Seriously, thanks for wanting to help but you wouldn't understand." Ben once again waved him off. Sokka detecting how the air of hostility was only getting thicker around them.
Sokka took a deep breath, he knew that Ben wouldn't stop. That he needed someone to seriously talk to, so he didn't stop. "I can't understand if you won't talk to me. We're getting worried, Ben. You're our friend it's okay to rely on us."
Silence riddled the room for a second. Ben took a deep breath, his eyes focused on the ugly green carpet as he muttered out those words. "There is no emotion…there is peace." He spoke, the words aimless and lacked emotion. Almost nearly robotic in a strange way.
Sokka's face contorted into one of someone that bit into a lemon. Like someone that had to swallow something bitter. "What…no emotion, Benjamin." He repeated.
"That is the first tenant of our order. To abolish emotion so that we can sacrifice it for peace, I will make it through this. Don't worry about me Sokka, I am the Jedi on this mission. My emotions and pain do not matter only the mission at hand."
"Ben, that's insane…"
"What?" The exile spoke. Snapping his head back to his friend. Sokka, was wide eyed and astonished to believe that Benjamin believed in this.
He knew that controlling your emotions was a very important skill to have. Though, to abolish them completely. "To abandon emotion completely, that's ridiculous. You can't just cut yourself off from emotion that's insane." Sokka's voice rose louder, his finger planting along the green carpet
"I'm a Jedi…a knight of the order. I don't have the luxury to embrace my emotions anymore, I already have so much trouble with controlling them." He affirmed; it was sick. Sokka could hardly contain his own very emotions.
Seeing the boy who helped him and his sister…the same boy who leaped into a bottomless pit to save their friend. To walk down this path…to be reduced into this? He was sure that Benjamin messed something up in translation, that he warped a Jedi lesson or ritual.
"Your human, Ben. I don't know why you're doing this…I can understand trying to stop the drinking and smoking but to stop feeling emotion. That's crazy, how could anyone do that. To desensitize to everything. You're letting these teachings warp you…"
"It's my only option, Sokka. Either Jedi or Sith…there is nothing else. If I am a Jedi Knight, I must follow the code of my order. To abandon emotion and to become one with the force, is the path."
Ben's words were chilling, the pressure and air in the room felt heavy. Even so Sokka didn't stop speaking. "I'm just saying that it just seems wrong…you're not a robot. You can't just stop feeling everything."
Ben shot up from the room, putting back onto his boots as he upped and left the room. Slamming the door behind him so hard that some people even poked their heads out from their rooms to hear what the commotion was about.
Unbeknownst to them. Ben grabbed a bottle of gin used for fortune telling. Though, no one saw of it or heard even the slightest clink of a glass. His crime unnoticed by those around him.
Sokka sighed under his breath, Aang parting from the wall which he was using to eavesdrop on Katara as the young avatar watched the Jedi leave the room. Aang went back to his pillow as he went to the bowl of snacks that was laid out for them.
Tossing the little chips and crunching them with his mouth. "Ben, I tried to talk to him…"
"Oh, I see now." Aang nodded his head. "Let him be for a little while. He just needs to sort out his emotions maybe blow off some steam or something." He spoke. The crunch of chips interrupting the boys train of sentence.
Sokka shook his head, dismissing Aang's assessment. "I don't know Aang. Ben lately has been…"
"Sokka, I get that your worried, but Ben has decided to stop doing all that crazy stuff and walk down the path of the Jedi. It's his path and we should support him."
"Yes, I understand but to abandon emotion, it sounds insa…"
Sokka's bag slightly ruffled. The emerald bag with the earth kingdom logo moved vibrantly, though it wasn't the wind. It was almost like there was an…
"Aang…" Sokka spoke hesitantly. His finger poking out as he aimed it at the bag. The bag continuously ruffled as both boys stared at it. Aang's bald head protruding sweat as he already knew the answer.
A white lemur plopped free from the bag as Sokka yelped. Moving his feet as his back impacted the wall as he simply stared at the thing.
"What is that!" He girlishly shrieked as he clutched onto his boomerang
Aang raised his hands to stop Sokka from wailing on the thing. "It's a lemur…got him from the air temple." Aang shouted, causing Sokka to slightly drop the weapon. The lemur running towards Aang as it wrapped it's body in the airbender's arm.
Sokka stared with his jaw to the floor. Angry and confused. He was angry because that bag cost a ton of money to buy and there was most likely a ton of fur that was in there now, and finally he didn't understand why Aang was hiding it.
"Aang, why are you hiding it?" Sokka asked, echoing his thoughts. Now backing up from the wall as the young avatar's eyes went towards his friend.
"Remember what Ben said. About how there might have been creatures of the dark side?"
Sokka could recall Ben saying something along those lines. Of creatures infused with malevolence that made them stronger, even so this creature didn't look evil or anything like that. He just watched as Aang began to feed it chips from his hand.
"Oh…so you have been hiding it from Ben?" Sokka said. But then another question bloomed in his head. "Why…Aang he's not going to force you to get rid of your pet you know that right?"
Aang nodded his head as he was about to part his lips to utter a reply. Only for a second later the door slammed open. Katara coming out first as he watched from inside of the room. A woman coming out a second later.
The woman was very old. Her lines of wrinkles visible to see along her tanned face. Her fingers full of assortment of jewelry and rings, as she wore a light brown robe that had long stripes of yellow cutting through the fabric.
"Aunt Wu is everything okay?" Katara spoke, obviously worried as the old woman walked out of the shop like she was possessed.
Katara's eyes glossed around the room with a missing occupant from there team. She let out a groan as her palm went to rest on her face.
"Where is Ben?" She uttered underneath her breath. Straining the words to try and keep herself calm.
Sokka shrugged his shoulders as he got up from his seat as Aang followed. Ushering the lemur back into the bag as he picked it up. Both boys putting on their shoes. "I don't really know. He's been in a bad mood all day." Aang replied
Katara shook her head as the trio followed Aunt Wu. The rest of the town were following her as they made their way into an opening in the town square. The long crowd formed as Aang, and the rest watched Aunt Wu.
She looked towards the skies as her eyes were dilated. Her mouth partially open as the crowd erupted into a bunch of oohs and ahs. "Ay, Aang." Sokka whispered into the young avatar's ears.
Aang raising his head towards the taller boy.
"This feels weird…doesn't it?" Sokka spoke, his eyes widening as he stared at the older woman infront of them. Aang was confused, he didn't get what Sokka was getting at.
"How?" he simply responded.
Sokka shrugged his shoulders. "This just reminds me of something. Kind of like how Ben gets when he uses the force. You feel it too, don't you?"
"The fire nation…are here!" Aunt Wu proclaimed snapping team avatar and the crowd from there daze.
Aunt Wu's voice arose from the crowd. Her eyes going back to normal, the screams and fearful yelps from the crowd. Aang didn't need to turn around to hear them. He could already see the black clouds of two fire nation war ships along the horizon.
"Aang!" Sokka screamed waking the avatar from his daze. Katara as well looking through the crowd as she went to her water flask. She already knew that this was going to be a different battle than before, her own eyes widening as she saw a familiar fire nation warship approach with the second one.
"Zuko!" She spat out. Aang nodded his head as he gripped his staff with both hands. The young avatar ready for battle.
He pressed the button along his glider as he leaped into the air. The young avatar was going to buy the villagers the time they needed. He could even feel the gust of wind begin to cut into his face. Even so the young avatar…
"Huh!"
Aang's voice rung out through the air. He was so used to feeling the wind whip into his face from both piloting Appa and gliding that he instantly knew that something was wrong, it was gone.
The wind around him stopped…rather he stopped entirely. Aang glossed down, his eyes widening as he saw what was completely below. The crowd, staring up at him like a bird stuck in the air. Aang felt something ripple through his form.
His muscles tensed as he beelined towards the nearest house. He braced his body as he collided front first into the wall of the house. The rugged wooden walls buckled under the weight of the avatar. Sokka and Katara heard the tumult.
That was a bad fall…they couldn't believe it. Katara, tears began to leak from her eyes as she was about to race towards Aang. Even then, a blast sent her off her feet. Her back scratched the dirt road as the crowd suddenly backed up.
"Katara!" Sokka yelled. Going to his sister's aid as he began to run towards her fallen form. Though, he felt something. A strange pressure that was weighing down on him in a way…like his body was frozen and he couldn't move an inch.
"A pity…so this is the team assigned to the avatar. Two teenagers…a false Jedi…and a boy that is the avatar. Truly pathetic." A cold feminine voice rippled through Sokka's eardrums.
Sokka raised his head towards the voice. His hand went to his boomerang as he leveled his weapon with both hands. It was a girl…
Maybe a year or two older than him. The crowd parted away from her, the majority running to their homes to try and to evade the fire nation advancement. To escape there pillaging and destruction.
The girl had long black hair tied into a braid that went over her chest. Her heavy black robes clung to her athletic form. Though, it was her grey cold eyes that sent a shiver along Sokka's spine.
She narrowed her eyes at him. Glossing over his manner as she gazed along the running crowd. "You're not him…where is Benjamin, the Jedi?"
Sokka was about to speak to contort some sort of reply. Even then, Sokka couldn't. His voice was mute as his legs shook like a house with an unsteady foundation in a fierce windstorm.
He leveled the boomerang with both hands as he tried to clamp his mouth open. "He's not here…fire nation scum!" He shouted; his fingers unlatched from the boomerang. Sokka threw it at an angle, the weapon wisping through the wind as it beelined towards the girl.
Kiera with a quick flick of her wrist sent the boomerang to the side. The flying weapon clattering into one of the houses. Sokka's eyes widened as he began to realize it.
"A dark jedi…" He whispered underneath his breath. He saw Ben use his power and even he knew that there was a level of darkness that surrounded this girl. He could feel it.
Someone that could use the mystical power of the force. Someone who was able to best Benjamin and live, most likely fighting and training to become a great warrior. Sokka could feel it, even being far away from her he could feel the great pressure Kiara ensnared him with.
For Sokka it felt so hard to breathe. It felt like your heart was within her grasp as she would lightly apply a strand of pressure along it. Kiara's wrist slipped towards her waist, her hand locking along the metallic cylindrical hilt.
The dark grey hilt leveled in her right hand. Her finger went over the red button as the crimson fiery blade popped free from the emitter. Sokka's sweat poured down from his brow.
"Fire nation dog!"
A voice echoed from around Sokka. A squadron of soldiers moved past him, voided from the pressure the dark Jedi secreted. A part of him felt the energy return to his legs. Katara's water whip appeared from her waterskin. The water moved to strike Kiara, even then with another flick of her wrist the water splattered along the next wall.
Kiara…she was able to detect base traits like other force sensitives. She was able to even read ones killing intent. That was why she decided to leave the water tribe siblings along for now. The guards moved forward with their spears and pikes.
They held the intent to kill her…while the water tribe members didn't hold a measly inch of danger towards her. Was it due to cowardice, hesitation…or some warrior code to not take a life? She could only smirk at the thought of there being such weak beings.
They moved steadily in formation as their armor caught the gleam of the sun. Kiara's other hand traced behind her robe. Exposing a second hilt. The dark jedi smirked, the second crimson blade igniting as kicked forward. The squadron was not ready.
Kiara spun along her heels turning her into a cyclone of crimson. The blades decorating through the guards. Until a couple of seconds later they were reduced to nothing, limbs and legs flew into the air as the distinct smell of burnt flesh filled the sky.
Sokka's breath ceased as something splotched right in front of him. He glossed down, his eyes tracing…one of the hands of the guardsman. His breathing hitched as he fell backwards. The smoldering hand still in view.
He wanted to move he needed to move…he needed to find a weapon to fight with. He needed to stop her!
"Sokka, this isn't a game. The average fire nation soldier may hold reservations about taking lives though I guarantee you that a Sith won't hold such reservations. Sith Lords, Sith Assassins and Sith Marauders. If we ever encounter one of the three, we run, if we get captured, I guarantee you they'll make us beg for the death's that has long hounded us from the start of this journey."
Ben's words shattered in Sokka's head. What was he even thinking! He wanted to chastise himself or slam his head into a wall. This girl caught Aang in the air and she thrown through a house wall, Benjamin was able to overpower her but that was before she broke his arm and nearly put him into a coma for a whole week, and he wanted to grab a weapon to hold her off, what was he insane?
"Katara…you got to run." Sokka hesitantly spoke. Kiara was still cutting through the squadron of soldiers; they were quickly losing but she was distracted. "I am going to grab Aang and run." He spoke towards his sister.
Katara shook her head causing Sokka to suck his lip. "No, I won't leave you."
"Please, I can handle myself just fine. You need to grab Benjamin; he was the only one to be able to best her."
Sokka ran towards the building. His sister reaching out her arm for him. Tears in her eyes. She knew that she had to go run towards Ben, even so her legs moved on their own. Kiara leveled her hand in front of both siblings.
Both slamming into the wall with a massive thunk. Knocked completely unconscious as Kiara advanced. She glossed over towards the forest; her gaze focused clearly ahead. Not focused enough to see the lemur pop out from the bag and fly away.
Ben's shirt was hanging off the tree, his heavy boots were carelessly kicked off and plopped along the floor. Ben's sweating form held the handle of the blade with both hands, the sword cutting and striking through the air.
Sweat flew like rain droplets from his athletic form. The steel blade hissing and swiping through the air, blocking parry after parry. Ben's long and messy hair splashed along his face, even then his rthym didn't stop.
The jedi exile continued his practice. Even as he felt the familiar presence of his master from right behind him. She stood there for a second, her mythical form observing her presence as Meetra let out a hollowed sigh.
"Soresu…really Benjamin?" She blustered
Ben's blade parried as he used the force to strengthen his legs. A mighty leap pushing him off the ground as his bare feet touched upon the dirt service again.
Though…she could see something. Her eyes widened with a sudden flare. She could see something, a half empty bottle of gin. Tucked away and hidden behind the tree that Ben hung his clothes on.
"Why not?" He drunkenly mumbled to Surik. Still practicing as, he struggled to retain back the mojo he once felt.
She took a deep breath, emptying out her nostrils as she stared at her apprentice. "You were trained with Ataru and Shien for a reason. You were bigger than the other kids at the academy, Kreia specifically focused on you learning that form. I specifically taught you Ataru so you wouldn't be forced on a singular form." She lectured.
In the Jedi order it was customary for many to master multiple forms. Even then there were certain situations where a student or knight would only focus on a particular form. This was mostly during the times where knowledge was lost, or the student was without a master.
Benjamin was a different case, Ataru and Shien were both chosen for him due to how well each form fit him. Sure, he was a drunk, but he was highly athletic and was quick on his feet. He was able to grasp onto Ataru's quick flips and close combat with his own athletics. It made him quite a good fit.
Shien, it was his main form. It was quite common for Jedi or Sith like him that required pure physical strength, the form's main points involved overpowering the enemy with powerful blows. This pressed offense and pure destruction of an enemy.
"I don't see a problem with learning a new form. A defensive form is good in many cases." Ben replied. A small drunken smile across his face. Meetra letting out another deep breath as she tried to regain her cool.
He skidded backwards. Like an enemy trying to cleave through him, the move was well executed but even then Surik could detect the drunken fumble that nearly caused Ben to land on his butt.
"Yes, I will agree that Soresu has gotten me out of tough spots before. Even then you're not a defensive fighter like myself. You charge in headfirst into the enemy…" Meetra saw Benjamin fumble, her eyes widening as the anger that she has been holding in erupted. "No!" Meetra shouted. The sudden loudness waking Ben from his trace as the blade slipped from his hands and clattered along the mound of dirt. "Your too slow for the first transition, your parrying is off and your trying to advance too quickly." She lectured, her words dripping in anger and bile. The young exile staring up at his master
He tilted his head towards her like an observant owl. "What?" He softly replied as he twisted his head up to her.
"Ben…" She took another final deep breath. Trying to even out her voice so she wouldn't be too hard on him. "Soresu, is a different form from the rest. It's completely defense until you see an opening so you can properly parry. Ever since you were a boy you struggled with meditation and patience, if you advance too quickly, you'll get yourself killed."
Ben rolled his eyes. Waving her off as he went to pick up the blade. "I'll be fine…" He carelessly spoke. Getting back in position.
"No, you won't! Ben…why are you doing this."
Ben shook his head. Dropping out of his combat position as he faced his former master. "What are you talking about?" He asked. He planted the blade into the earth as he looked at the shimmering blue lights of the ghost of his master.
"For days now you've been acting like this. You're trying to learn light side force powers, and now you're wasting your time with Soresu."
"If I try hard enough then maybe…"
Meetra threw her hands down to her sides. Turning away from Benjamin as she couldn't look at him from the pure annoyance she was feeling. "No…Benjamin. I am sorry but no. You can't use the light side of the force, and we don't have the time for you to learn a completely different form. If you were trying to relearn shien or ataru you would have it easier, it's basically relearning, but Soresu?"
She trained out the final words with the disgust eminent on her face. Shaking her head from the pure stupidity of what her apprentice was doing.
Benjamin's eyes glossed and fell to the dirt floor. "A jedi…Meetra. A jedi doesn't use the dark side of the force or seek aggression."
"A Jedi also doesn't act like an idiot."
Ben's face flared up. Letting out hot drunken breath from his mouth as his eyes locked back towards his master.
"What's your problem. I agreed to be a Jedi, I am trying to once again to learn to be a Jedi knight…god what do you want from me!" He threw his hands up as he spoke, his voice louder and rippled through the tree line.
"You're already a Jedi knight. I appointed you and Revan knighted you during the wars. What are you trying to prove!" Ben's eyes went back to his shoes after the last part of her sentence. Meetra pressed on, she knew that Benjamin had to stop this. If he kept on trying to play jedi he was going to get killed. "You can't keep on acting like this Benjamin…you're acting like a child! You can't use these forms, I get it you want to be a Jedi and you have some sort of idealized version of the Jedi you want to be but that's not how the world works, that's not how the force works."
Ben's grunt rippled through his mouth. Turning away from his master as he ripped the blade from the ground and placed it back into his scabbard. "God…Meetra. I know what I am doing, I know my destiny!" He spoke, as he began to walk away from her. He was sick of this. He was so sick of having her…the jedi…and the others tell him how to feel or the way to live his own damn life.
"Your destiny!" She repeated. Ben still walking away, trying to drown out her voice. "Your destiny…or the destiny you want to have." She shouted, her eyes staring daggers into the back of his head. Ben's fingers curled into two steady fists as he turned back towards her. His hand striking through the air.
He pointed his finger at her, his words seeped with hate. "That's enough, Surik!" He commanded but she didn't stop. "I know my path; I know what I have to become. I am a Jedi Knight; I have to use the light side of the force…I have to learn Soresu so I won't hurt people like the way I did before."
Meetra's mouth slowly gaped open. Hearing Benjamin say those words. She didn't realize it at first…but was Ben going to slowly kill himself to try and connect to the light side of the force or learn a lightsaber form that he held no real skill with so he wouldn't harm anyone.
He was a Jedi Knight now…if he had to take a life, he would have to take a life. That was just the way the force dictated things at times, it was his responsibility. Though, it was his guilt that was truly weighing him down right now. The blood on his hands…
"So, this is what it's all about…Your guilt…" Ben turned back to meet Surik. Dropping the sword to the floor with a rhythmic clink. "But that's not just it isn't it…Benjamin."
"The council…they wanted a Jedi Knight out of you. A true warrior of the light side of the force. In their eyes you were just a failure, they abandoned you…and Kreia disobeyed them."
"She was nearly finished with training Revan, but she took you under her wing. She knew of your secret; she knew of your affinity towards the dark side of the force. I know that she gifted you holo records of Exar Kun, how you were inspired by the Sith Lord to change your single bladed into a double bladed. That may also explain why you don't want to bear another double-bladed weapon again." She spoke, her words cold and uncompromising as Benjamin's mouth opened to reply.
"Enough!" Benjamin commanded. Though, Meetra didn't stop.
She took a step forward to the exile. His eyes still aimed at her. "…but that's not it. She taught you force lightning, and when your training was complete right before you left to join Revan and me. You challenged your two only friends, the rising stars of the Jedi order to a duel. You bested them with your superior lightsaber skills and force abilities."
"Is that it…you're still that scared little child. Trying to appease the members of the order that turned their head to you and abandoned you. Trying to become a Jedi that they can be proud of? You won…you shown the council and the masters what you were truly capable of. How strong you really were, and in the end, you took many Mandalorian lives. You fell on Malachor and fought against your fellow Jedi. Though, you turned away from the force."
Meetra stopped walking towards Benjamin. They were close enough right now. She was close enough to smell the gin along his breath, to see the embers of sweat that still doused his body. The fire of his golden eyes that peered into her ghostlike face.
"Benjamin, you can't keep living like this. You're a knight of the order once again, you can't live with all this guilt. You have to learn to forgive yourself. No…you need to forgive yourself." She whispered, she put her hand towards Benjamin. The master going to rest her hand on his shoulder, though his long hair clouded his eyes.
He took a step backward away from her. Meetra's hand falling back to her side as Ben's golden eyes, they stared at her like spears. Ingrained from the heat of his soul as he clamped his mouth open.
"What do you know of guilt. You died and transcended. You became one with the force. You died and you left the world with no regrets…" Meetra took a step backward, Ben's frame and voice exploding through the forest. "How dare you ask myself to forgive…when you don't know the hell which I had to walk through, the path I needed to pave to survive."
"What do you think it is like falling to the dark side, Surik? Please tell me!" He concededly spoke. Meetra glancing at her apprentice as she didn't divert her eyes from him. "I did fall on Malachor V. The death and the destruction of that world sent ripples throughout the force, and echo that me and all the other force sensitives felt. The echo I created when I destroyed that planet!"
Meetra's eyes widened in alarm. The ships that were getting sniped from the sky of Mandalorian warships canons, the com from Revan speaking of how the Mandalore was killed and finally how they were arranged in the trap of the mass shadow generator.
Malachor was a taboo world towards the Mandalorians. They would never have touched the surface of that world, so they planted the mass shadow generator. A powerful weapon that could level a whole planet and drag everything with it.
Meetra was the one that ordered it to be created…though, it was too much. To big of a sin for her to handle, though…it was her apprentice that pressed the button and ended the war.
"You forced my hand…the republic and the Jedi were getting slaughtered and the mandalorians fell in our trap. You hesitated; I didn't have an option." He snapped. His words jumbled up and rasped, his breathing like a rabbid exhausted mutt as he spoke. "It was either the mandalorians or us…I CHOOSE US!"
Ben's fist slammed into his chest. His chest rising and falling from his heavy breaths as he didn't stop speaking. Though, his anger was diminished now. His eyes were teary, a sob rising from him as his legs crumpled and he fell to the floor.
"I only…I only wanted to protect people. I wanted to be a knight of the Jedi Order. I listened to the tales and heard the legends. Even my mother, a Mandalorian taught me of the time of Exar Kun." He could sometimes remember her, the warmth of his mother. The way she would hold him when he was miserable, the stories she would of told him. He glanced down at his scarred hands from endless battles. 'What would mom…think of me now?'
"…all I just wanted to be was a hero. I wanted to fight and protect the innocent, to gain the strength so what happened to my mother wouldn't happen to anyone else. How did it come to this…When did everything go all wrong?"
Meetra didn't know what to say or do. He was having a mental breakdown and she didn't know how to react. She knew that he needed to hear that…that maybe this could be a steppingstone for him to get better, or maybe she broke him again. Maybe, she shattered him and left him as nothing.
She shook her head dismissing the idea. He was already broken…the world needed a Jedi, she loved Benjamin like a little brother, but there were great things at stake in this world. They couldn't afford to lose…
"Did it start when my father beat the crap out of me and Ma when he was on his drunk benders or tripping on death sticks. Did it start when Ma gave me to the Enclave, and she was executed as punishment. Did it start when I was abandoned by the light side of the force…or when Kreia's teachings of the dark side ensared me!"
His eyes filled with tears as he stared back at Meetra. "You left me behind, I needed you…you were all I had left and I needed someone to understand, I needed someone to talk to."
Meetra took a deep breath. He was right…he needed her. It didn't excuse him of some of his actions, but why did she not take him with her? She knew that Benjamin would have followed where she went.
Was it because he was still connected to the force? Was it because she felt that she was too broken to handle it…or how she wouldn't be able to train one with the force, when she had gone completely blind to it?
"Benjamin, I was broken. I cut myself off from the force from the echo. I couldn't handle it." She confessed
"HOW DO YOU THINK I HANDELED IT!" He screamed, his finger to his chest as Meetra avoided his angry glare. "I WAS ONLY TWELVE YEARS OLD AND I KILLED LEGIONS OF MANDALORIANS, DO YOU THINK I WAS OKAY. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT OF ME MEETRA!"
… WELL IM SORRY I COULD'ENT GO BACK TO BEING THAT CHEERFUL KID AT THE ENCLAVE. HOW DID YOU EXPECT ME TO BE NORMAL AFTER KILLING SOMEONE BEFORE I HIT PUBERITY!" Benjamin screamed, his scream trailing through the forest. Even Appa roared in annoyance.
Ben's breathing was rasped, but after a second it began to ease up. Ben got up, wiping his face as he walked to the tree line. He put back on his shirt as he grabbed the bottle of gin.
Memories…
He uncorked the bottle. He jammed the dark liquid down his throat, nearly choking down on it but he didn't care. The warmth filled his insides and cleared him free, it made him feel happy. The warm sting tickled his throat, but it was the looming presence of the memories and thoughts that were going away that made him feel good.
Meetra and him didn't speak. She didn't stop him from finishing the bottle, and he didn't reply until it was finished. His eyes were narrowed, and the smell of cheap liquor radiated from his form.
"Revan, and Malak. They were the ones that took me under their wing when you left me behind." He spoke, shocking Meetra as her eyes went to her former apprentice.
The bottle clattered along the dirt floor. His palm swiping the brown gin from his lips as he continued speaking.
"They arranged us on Korriban, the home of the ancient Sith. I didn't know at first what was going to happen, I was still believing…or maybe ignorant of what was to come. I still thought that Revan was going to build his new Jedi order. What a fool I was…"
Ben's fingers combed through his hair. How much of an idiot was he…how could he have not realized that Revan and Malak were warped by the years of war. How could he not have felt the darkside within them?
"It started out small…little things. Revan would come to my room and talk to me about stuff, I was able to speak about my issues. About my hate. Revan would gift me stuff." A small smirk appeared on his face, it was a pleasant memory of his time on Korriban. The time where he deluded himself that this was the start of Revan's new Jedi Order. How much of a fool he was? "I began to seep into my own inner hatred. Revan and maybe Malak knew of this. It didn't take long for my skin to grow paler, for the veins on my hands to start slowly going black and make their way towards my neck, it didn't take long for my eyes to turn that orange glow of the true Sith."
Power…at a cost. That was what the dark side was truly like, especially on dark side nexuses. He didn't want to remember…but that power he felt, made the changes worth it. "Revan and Malak eased me into it. Into the intercity of Sith Lore." He spoke. Shaking his head as the memories began to come, pushing forth from deepest parts of his head. "By the time I was fourteen. I was seeping in the dark side of the force; it had consumed me to the point where nothing mattered. My hate and rage were all I had left. I don't know what I can do anymore…Meetra. I don't know who or what I am meant to be, I am so confused. Jedi or Sith…Hero or Conqueror…I don't know." He confessed.
A part of him wanted to use the dark side of the force again…just today he was looking for an excuse to just hit something with force lightning. He was looking for a reason, it was disgusting. He was like a drug addict trying to find their next fix.
At this point…he felt more confused than ever as he tried to find his meaning in the force. "I can still feel it Meetra…the black berserker rage that is within me. It's like a battered dog with a bite of venom, it sinks into my skin and refuses to let me go. I don't know what to do anymore…It gets stronger, I tried to keep it contained with this pit of alcohol and drugs. Even then as time passes it gets worse it gets stronger and stronger."
Meetra, she heard his story. She knew that he left some stuff voided. That he exempted some stuff, maybe he would never tell her the full truth. Maybe, he would take it with him to his grave and not make peace with it.
What he had done during the Jedi Civil War and why he eventually left Revan's Sith Order. Though, right now wasn't the time. He had to learn from his mistakes and grow up. He needed to adapt and change.
"Benjamin, I don't know what to tell you. I can't just say sorry, this is my fault…I failed you as a master, as a teacher and as a friend. You were like a little brother to me, and I left you behind. I should of took you with me to the outer rim worlds that I ran to for exile…you were only a child; I should have stopped you before you left with us for the war."
Ben turned around towards her. The young exile and his former master coming face to face once again as they both held the burden of there sins.
"Isolation…it erodes us. It doesn't make us stronger; it weakens us and prevents us from the help we need to get."
Ben sucked his lip, visibly annoyed. Annoyed that his master was once again lecturing at him to just accept what he is, angry of how easy she was trying to make this sound.
"Benjamin, I need you to let go of everything. Of your hate…your rage…your guilt and your fear. That is the only way you can move forward and become the man you need to become!"
"I CAN'T GODDAMNIT!"
"Benjamin, you can't keep doing this. You can't run away from your problems…you can't get drunk or smoke when the world comes crashing down on you. I know it's bad, I know how much of a hell it must have been for you. Though, you do not have the luxury right now to feel bad about yourself…you can't do shitty things or lash out at others for trying to help you or understand what is going on and feel bad about yourself so you could further squirm in your self-loathing."
"YOU NEED TO BE BETTER…YOU CAN'T STRIVE TO BE THE JEDI YOU WISH TO BECOME. YOU NEED TO BECOME THE JEDI YOU HAVE TO BECOME."
"I'm sorry, I just…"
"No…Benjamin please don't apologize. I get what happened, but right now you need to make a choice on your next move. You need to decide the type of man you want to be."
That was when something caught Ben's eye. A strange lemur flying through the air as the creature landed in front of him. It's strange eyes staring into his own eyes, like it was observing his soul. "Freaky animal…Meetra are you seeing this shit."
Meetra glossed over towards her apprentice. He took a knee down, a strange feeling welling in his chest. "Why do I feel like you are trying to tell me something?"
Ben's eyes trained overhead, he could see smoke. His eyes widened as he began to cut through the forest. "Ben where are you going?" Meetra screamed after him, even then he didn't stop.
The fallen branches and rocks cut into his bare feet. The long branches extended like arms from the tree limbs slapped and sliced through his bare chest as he felt the force well up in his legs.
'A bad feeling…'
It plagued his thoughts as the lemur creature flew behind him. Those three people from before, those three people who were his friends. 'There fine, they have to be fine…I didn't…"
Those other warm lights, those two warm lights which he abandoned long ago. 'No, it's not like that. I didn't…'
He pushed through the clearing of the forest. The stench of smoke clouding his nostrils as his eyes glossed over his surroundings. He could see the destroyed buildings, the smoke and embers still rising from them, even as the rain began to slowly douse and cloud the beach, the smoke tickled and tried to reach high.
Ben's eyes widened. A mound of corpses decorated the square of the town. They were scorched and their limbs were decorated all around, the burn marks of stubs…obvious signs of a lightsaber blade.
"No!"
Ben pounded his feet through the dirt making his way towards the beach. His eyes frenzied and red as he collapsed at the edge of the shore. The rough waves of the sea going to his kneecaps as he watched the two fire nation war ships depart.
"I did it…again."
"Why?"
They wanted to help. Even as he was being an asshole to them, all they wanted to do was help. They wanted to know more about him to help, and what did he do?
"What the fuck is going on…I had them in my grasp…I'm once again repeating the same shit?"
He let them go…he abandoned them when he needed them the most. Just like the two people he abandoned when he followed Revan to war.
"Again, I am realizing it. AGAIN, WHEN IT'S SLIPPED FROM MY HANDS. EVAN AFTER LOSING IT I IM NOTICING RIGHT NOW!"
Katara wanted to help…but he pushed her away, Aang gave him the space he needed and he ignored him…Sokka tried to talk man to man and he walked away!
"Not even realizing that it slipped free from my grasp."
"Not yet…no there is still time! I can save them…I can make amends. I can fight and fix this mistake."
'This won't be like how it was with Trissal and Shan. I promise you; I won't abandon you like the way I did before. I'll make sure…and fight for you!'