Hello there! I'm back with the next chapter!
A lot of you were disappointed about the last chapter which… I can get. The flashback wasn't the transition you likely would've expected, but it was necessary for both plot and pacing reasons. There's a lot of messages, even some hidden, and symbolism in there. Though, I will say, I never did intend to immediately start off with Pandora's rampage for a variety of reasons, some of which you should start to see.
In any case, from here, things will gradually start to pick up. The next two chapters will have action in them, as well. Overall I'm pretty excited for them.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I'd love to know what you all think, too!
Chapter 12: Natsuki Subaru
"My Queen!" A man rushed into a particular room, his composure wavering as he tried to catch his breath.
"Finally!" the Queen, Felt, exclaimed from within the room. "You need to tell me what the hell is going on out there!"
The man's gaze surveyed the room as he caught his last few breaths. Inside, having been sitting across from the Queen, was a white-haired woman with notably sharp ears. The man didn't dwell on this observation for long, though. He had a duty to deliver his report to the Queen, so that was what he would do.
"The Capital is under attack," the man breathed out, regaining more of his composure as his stamina slowly returned.
"No shit," Felt deadpanned, an arm gesturing out toward a very large window. Through it, one could see most of the city, various buildings visibly producing trails of smoke which rose into the sky. The sight made it clear that circumstances were anything but good. "I want to know who the fuck is attacking!"
The man winced, both at the state of his Capital and the Queen's harsh tone. His eyes looked at her downcast and almost reluctant, his head similarly lowering itself in a show of submission. "Yes, my Queen," he began. "Sightings are limited. There have been no clear indications as to who, or what, our attacker may be. But…"
Felt's eyes narrowed at him as she approached. Her expression was stern and unwavering, a clear indication to show that she meant business. "But what?"
He gazed up at her, "But… From those that have caught glimpses, and from the destruction caused, we believe it to be her." He paused, taking a moment to take in a staggered breath, "The Witch."
Felt's expression shifted, albeit slightly. A slight show of nervousness had crept in, but was immediately overshadowed by her serious resolve. The elf, which had been sitting quietly in the back, shifted uncomfortably in her spot.
"Which one?" Felt asked in a deep, serious tone of voice.
With another staggering breath, the man responded, "The Witch of Vainglory."
"Where is Reinhard?" Came the Queen's immediate response.
"He is not responding to any of our metia calls," the man replied, his stance beginning to waver at his own words. "He had confirmed his arrival only moments before the attack, but after that… nothing."
"Bring Julius Juukukius here at once!" Felt demanded. Her sudden order startled the already shaken man, making him freeze for a moment. However, Felt was not having it. "Go!"
At her following order, the man quickly tried to find his bearings before barreling out of the doorway, leaving Felt and the elf alone in the room together once more.
Immediately after his departure, the Queen of Lugnica turned on her heels and made her way toward the window. She stopped in front of it, her eyes glaring at the smoke in the distance which only continued to rise.
At that very moment, a loud boom sounded from the city. Felt didn't flinch, nor did she waver, but her eyes further narrowed. A surge of anger swelled within her, her hands gripping in on themselves to the point that it hurt. Another stream of smoke made itself known, further fueling her rage.
In a way, she blamed herself for not predicting such an event. Since learning that Subaru was back the previous day, she should've considered the fact that the Witch had returned as well. Instead, she was too foolishly caught up in her excitement.
Felt: The Foolish Queen. That is what she should be named. Her failure to consider probable events had led to her citizen's deaths. If she ever came to know just how many lives were lost, she didn't know what she'd do to herself.
"Let me fight," a voice sounded from behind her.
Felt didn't turn around to look at the elf, processing her words whilst continuing to look out into the distance. Doing her best to ease the frustrations rising within her, Felt responded, "I know you have history, Fortuna, but you can't."
"Why not?!" Fortuna exclaimed in disagreement. "After what she has done to me, to Emilia, I cannot let her go unpunished."
"She won't," Felt deeply assured. "But you can't leave."
Fortuna's body language shifted, showing her disapproval with the Queen's order. "I can take care of myself."
"I don't doubt that you can, but this isn't any normal fight," Felt remarked, her body finally turning to face the elf in full.
"I have fought her before," the elf argued back, set on her decision and arguing for its favor.
"And in case you forgot, that ended with you becoming an Archbishop against your will," Felt harshly stated, her eyes narrowing as they critically peered into Fortuna's very being.
Fortuna herself, as composed as she normally was, faltered a bit under the Queen's words and gaze. The elf was internally fuming. Learning of Pandora's deeds and survival was something which made her blood boil in pure hatred. Pandora, the Witch of Vainglory, was a monster that didn't deserve to live.
Before Fortuna could argue back once more, a voice sounded from the doorway, "Felt-sama, you requested for me?"
The girl's attention drew to the speaker, their eyes landing on a purple-haired man with a noticeably recently shaved stubble standing. His attire resembled that of a Lugnica Royal Knight, his armor clean, shiny, and, in a way, fresh.
"Julius!" Felt exclaimed, turning from Fortuna and quickly making her way toward him. "Perfect timing!"
Julius only stood still, not even out of breath, worried and confused. He had been about to follow a battalion of knights into the Capital, set on eliminating the threat, before one of Felt's advisory staff hurriedly informed him of the Queen's order.
Felt wasted no time, moving past Julius and out into the hallway. "Both of you follow me," she ordered, not even looking back at them as she moved.
Julius waited silently for a moment, his eyes carefully watching as the elf similarly moved past him. He flanked behind her, following behind both of the girls until they reached their destination.
Felt led them into a very particular room, one which was more secure than others. As the Queen, she was granted access and let the two bare witness to the armory within. Weapons, armor, and more lay stocked within. But that wasn't what they were there for.
She went over to a particular wall, pushing it aside with a surprising amount of ease. Julius had been tempted to help her, knowing full well that a Queen should not be laboring as such, but it seemed as though he'd been too late. By the time he made the move forward, the hidden room was revealed.
To be more precise, it was less of a room and more of a storage closet. Only one thing was stored inside, resting horizontally on its display stand: a sword. When Julius laid his eyes on it, they widened. This sword was unlike all others.
He stepped closer in awe, observing it in any way that he could. The design of the hilt was unique, the blade itself being quite long and completely straight. It emitted an unusual yet impressive aura, which only served to draw him closer to it.
"Is this what I think it is?" Julius asked, his eyes not once letting the sword out of sight.
"It is," came his Queen's response. She looked at him, then at the sword, her eyes soft yet heavy at the same time. "I heard about what happened with your spirit buds, and I'm really sorry. So, I thought that it would be best to give this to you."
Julius felt a sudden weight latch onto him at the memory of his spirits. He did his best to shake those thoughts away, choosing to focus on the now instead of the past. Most of those he cherished were gone, either dead or disconnected from his life.
He needed to move on, but that didn't mean he had to let go. For the ones which remained, he would do his best to find and reconnect. He would protect them, unlike how he had failed to do so in the past
"Are you certain that I should have something like this?" Julius asked, his hesitancy blatantly apparent on his face and in his voice.
Felt hummed at his side, "I'm sure. It's better off with you than in here collecting dust."
Julius nodded, carefully reaching out his hands. He grabbed hold of the hilt with one hand, the other resting underneath the blade, as he slowly lifted it from its stand. It felt almost as heavy as his sins, but not unbearably so.
His eyes narrowed down at it, taking his hand off of the blade and wielding it from the hilt. He straightened the blade in front of him, feeling the sword's power through its aura alone. He felt a connection to it, in a way.
Julius never once believed that he would wield one of the Ten Swords of Power, much less the Spirit Sword. His spiritual affinity seemed to glow as he held this weapon, reaching out in a call to the minor spirits around him.
He took in a deep breath, then let it out. He felt ready. He was prepared.
Today, he'd make things right.
When Subaru opened his eyes, all he saw was darkness. A void vacant of light. It was very much accustomed to what he'd already seen, from both being within the seal and his own inner mindscape.
It didn't take him too long to realize that he was lying flat on his back. With that realization, he began to sit up, barely resisting the urge to groan as he did so. His body felt incredibly stiff, while at the same time constantly seeming to phantomly ache, which threw him off.
He took his time in getting to his feet, doing his best to gather whatever bearings he had left. A hand drew to his head, his eyes blinking as his mind fumbled over itself.
What had happened, again?
He had a hard time drawing specific details for a moment, struggling to recall what exactly was going on. It was as if his mind had been shut off, only to suddenly turn back on again.
Well, that's what happened to him every time he died, wasn't it?
He paused.
Right, he died. He killed himself with Petra's dagger after she…
Petra…
His expression became one of guilt and remorse, deeply saddened by the events which led to this very moment. He remembered it so clearly, now. The large, bloodied piece of ice that stuck through both her front and back. Her bloodied smile and the words she said to him in her final moments.
"Beli…eve … in … y…ou."
He recoiled at the memory. His stance began to waver, his legs wobbling ever so slightly, almost making him fall over. He steadied himself, shaking his head.
This was why he did what he did. He would start over and make sure that fate wouldn't come to pass. He didn't know where he would end up, but he would make it work. He would save them.
"Subaru."
He jumped at the sudden voice, immediately turning in the direction he'd heard it from. Shadows, nearly invisible to the eye, began forming in a kneeling position on the ground in front of him. A humanoid figure made itself known from within, becoming more visible as the shadows marginally moved aside.
Subaru's eyes momentarily widened, his body tensing out of an instinctive caution. He recognized who this was: a half-elf with amethyst eyes and silver hair, commanding terrifying shadows that'd make any normal person shiver with fear.
"Satella," he uttered, his eyes beginning to narrow.
"Subaru."
She only repeated his name, which was a bit surprising to him. At the same time, he was also very relieved. If this was the true Witch of Envy, he'd only be hearing "I love you" on loop. But, at the sound of the almost broken yet gentle voice, he knew that wasn't currently the case.
"There is not much time," she continued, looking up at him with a pitiful expression. It was as though she was trying to plead with him, almost desperately so. Another thing that he noticed was that she looked tired, exhausted even. He could only begin to wonder what was making her feel so burnt-out.
Subaru hesitantly looked around himself for a second before his eyes landed back on her. He felt confident, yet also unsure, enough to ask, "Is this another dream?"
She shook her head, "No. This is not a dream."
Subaru didn't answer right away. If that was true, then he really had died. He supposed that was good, wasn't it?
"I must warn you, lest I lose my chance," Satella quickly followed up in a mumble, preventing Subaru from responding to her previous answer in any way. She gave him a hard, serious look, "The Witch of Envy is coming."
Taken off-guard by the bluntness of her admission, Subaru blinked a few times as he registered her words. "W-What do you mean 'the Witch of Envy is coming'?" he questioned, his tone a bit shaken. "How is that possible?"
"Your dream; that vision," she uttered, her gaze lowering itself as though she refused to meet his eyes. "You saw it. The potential future." She slowly shook her head, as if she were trying to deny everything, "She is very, very angry. I have been doing my best to ward her off, but her arrival is inevitable now. She will break free; it is only a matter of time."
Subaru paused. He remembered it well; the vision of destruction and death. He remembered the screams, the darkness swallowing the world and reaching out for him in turn.
With some further thought, he realized that this was why Satella seemed so exhausted. All of her energy was being put into keeping Envy at bay. He wondered how much energy she was spending just to meet with him now.
Either way, the fact of Envy's return remained. As Satella said, she would free herself from her prison and wreak havoc upon the world. The second Great Calamity would be made out of the Witch of Envy's rage. It was only a matter of time.
"I'm not ready for this," Subaru muttered to himself, his breathing slightly hitched as the gravity of the situation crushed him. The stress of everything was overwhelming to him in that moment, but he still shook his head in a form of desperate denial. The next words he spoke reflected that, "No, it'll be fine. I'll just use Return by Death. It's fine. I have time."
"That's impossible…"
He froze, hearing the soft voice of the Witch in front of him trail off. He slowly raised his gaze, looking at her with an expression very similar to disbelief. A seed of doubt was planted in his mind, a single question escaping from his lips, "How… How is that impossible?"
She looked up at him, regret plastered across her face. At the sight of her expression alone, he felt all signs of potential hope leave him at once. "Your Authority of Envy was always different from mine," she began. "You developed what you call 'Return by Death' from your desire to save Emilia on your first day in this world. But, now…"
She trailed off again, leaving Subaru to stand there basking in his own shock and confusion. He quickly digested the new information, realizing how much sense it actually made. But, from the way she spoke, there was more. He had a feeling that he knew what was coming, and he hated it.
"Now, it's different," she hesitantly breathed out. "Whatever you have done to your other Witch Factors, it has affected your Envy Witch Factor as well. It has been changed, altered into something in which I don't even know." She looked at him, her soft and remorseful eyes becoming more apparent, "I'm sorry."
Subaru's world came crashing down around him. Everything which he had come to know seemed to just be… erased. A new, sudden change was thrust into him out of nowhere and he had no idea of how to deal with it. He had trouble grasping at the truth of it all.
Still, one question repeated in his mind.
He didn't have Return by Death anymore?
He looked down at his own palms, watching as they shook under the immense stress he now felt. "Then… How am I…"
"Your Authority of Lust stabilized you, though you are currently catatonic, " Satella clarified quickly, her tone still soft and even regretful. "Your contracted spirit seemed to have realized this. She willingly sealed herself away with Emilia to prevent her from accidentally killing you."
Subaru only shook his head, the palms of his hands moving to his face as an immense sense of dread overwhelmed him. At first, he tried to deny it. He tried to push away the truth, but, in the end, it always came back. He couldn't escape it, despite how much he wanted to.
Then, one fact became clear: there was no saving Petra.
The girl who'd always looked up to him, smiled at him and wished him good luck, was dead forever. The girl who saw him as a hero — as someone who could save everyone — wasn't saved in time. He couldn't even try again.
He failed her.
Her body, cold, bloodied and motionless on the ground, haunted his mind. That would be his last memory of her, forever and always.
"I-I'm sorry, Subaru." Upon hearing her voice again, he peeked through the gaps of his fingers to once again look at her. With a heavy face, she continued, "There is still more."
He actually found the will to scoff at such a statement. More? How could there still be more? How could things possibly be any worse?
He lowered his hands from his face and looked at Satella with expectancy. The look on his face feigned ignorance, or even denial. However, behind that mask, Satella could see his fear. In a way, she could even sense it.
Her eyes, as soft as they were, stayed on him as her lips parted to speak, "When you… hurt yourself, Pandora thought that she had lost you."
Subaru immediately tensed. He felt a pain somewhere in his chest, something which he felt tempted to clench at. He felt something swallowing away at him from within as he exhaled a sharp, stuttering breath.
Satella continued, "She tried to bring you back, but it didn't work." She could almost cringe at the broken expression he now held on his face. Even so, she pressed to give him the last bits of information he needed to know, "After that, she broke. She is now taking out her rage and grief upon the innocent citizens in the Capital."
Once those final words left her mouth, silence ensued. The void had become almost sedated, devoid of any lasting noise or emotional atmosphere. But that was only temporary.
The silence was broken by a wild stream of chuckles, which were quickly one-upped by humorless laughs. Satella quietly looked on as Subaru fell to his knees, the hopelessness of everything seeping into his very soul. He could only painfully laugh at how horrendously things had turned out.
At first glance, one would've thought him to be insane.
All he could think about was how terrible of a person he truly was. He was no hero, and he sure as hell had no right to call himself worthy of anyone's love.
"Subaru."
Petra was dead, gone for good. She was unable to be saved. His own carelessness was what led to her death in the first place.
"..."
Emilia and Beatrice were gone, sealed away just as he once was. It was a direct result of what he had done. If he hadn't been so mindless, then they wouldn't be stuck in an eternal prison.
"… Subaru."
Pandora. Even thinking about her hurt his very soul.
He'd hurt her; betrayed her, even. He promised to stick by her side, to be the anchor that held her down. Then, what did he do? He shoved a dagger straight into his throat while she fought for him, abiding by the promise they made minutes before, mere feet away.
He had no doubt that she had watched as his blood stained the ground. He had no doubt as she watched him die and leave her behind. He had no doubt that she probably thought of him as a liar, someone who betrayed her trust after promising to stay by her side.
He was terrible, wasn't he? One of the shittiest human beings in this accursed world. He single-handedly tarnished any chance at the happy future they discussed so many times.
…
Subaru's head suddenly snapped in place, his body tensing as he felt something grab ahold of his shoulder. It gently rested there, feeling light and almost comforting, in a sense. He was a bit surprised at how much he'd calmed down because of it, having been completely drawn out of his previous mindset.
His eyes faced forward, meeting Satella's. By looking into them, even for just a few seconds, he could see her sadness and disappointment. She frowned at him, those emotions laced in her lips, "Please, calm down and think for a moment."
It was then that Subaru realized that the hand on his shoulder was actually hers. Well, one of her invisible hands, anyway. She was doing her best to try and calm him down, to make him feel more at ease. Unfortunately for the both of them, it seemed as though those effects were only temporary.
Considering her words, he narrowed his eyes. "Think? What do you want me to think about?" he mocked in a low tone. "There is nothing to think about. Nothing! I've messed up so much, and there's absolutely no way I can fix it without Return by Death!"
After his exclamation, he took long, deep breaths. He felt exhausted, much more than he normally ever did.
Satella sighed, slowly retracting her invisible hand from his shoulder, which further caught his attention. She looked at him critically, as though she were judging him, "For all of that time you spent sealed away, you are really choosing not to use the wisdom you've gained."
Subaru was confused, "What's that supposed to mean?"
Satella closed her eyes and sighed again, picking up on the subtle edge in his voice. When she opened her eyes, they were noticeably more understanding than they were before, though retained their former softness. "Don't you remember what I told you back at the Tea Party all that time ago?"
He faltered for a moment. "'Love yourself'," he cited her words from the past, letting out a light scoff at their implications. "I talked about it with Dora, too. How can I ever love myself if all I keep doing is failing and letting people die?"
"This is your problem," she said. Subaru was, once again, confused by her words. Before she spoke again, Satella finally stood from her previously kneeled position. "You choose to let your emotions, doubts, and fears dictate your thoughts and decisions. They blind you."
"How are they just doubts and fears?" Subaru questioned. "They're very real to me."
"I never said that they weren't real," Satella clarified. "I said that you let them dictate your decisions. Your very mindset is altered by these feelings. It makes you do things that you may come to regret."
Subaru was tempted to flinch at that. He knew that she was right in what she was saying. In fact, what she was saying had already happened in more ways than one.
He found himself questioning her again, "So, I can't feel upset when I lose something I love?"
"I didn't say that, either," Satella replied. "To feel upset, to mourn and cry over loss, is normal. But you shouldn't let that affect who you are and the decisions you make."
Once again, Subaru scoffed, "What do you know about loss…"
"Everything."
The next thing he knew, Satella was standing right in front of him, looking at him with the same soft and understanding eyes. He didn't even flinch or step back, merely accepting her advance and realizing the stupidity of his question as he contemplated his response.
"Why are you trying so hard to help me?" he asked.
"Because I love you," was her response. It was smooth, quick and natural off of the tongue.
Still, Subaru wasn't satisfied, "Because I saved you? You said that before; that I held out a hand to you and saved you when you needed it most."
"That's right, you did," Satella confirmed in a tone that was as soft as her eyes.
He critically asked her, "So is this all to get me to love you? Or is this some sort of repayment for me having saved you back then?
"It's because I want you to save them, now."
Subaru looked at her incredulously. His lips parted as if he wanted to speak, but no words managed to get out. He truly didn't expect that to be the real reason behind Satella's insistence. So, now, he was unsure of how to follow up after hearing a statement like that.
Luckily, he didn't have to. Satella continued to speak, "Tell me, what did the girl, Petra, tell you before she passed?"
Subaru's head tilted off to the side, unwilling to make eye contact as he recalled the girl's words once again. "She wanted me to save 'her'. She said that she believed in me."
"Right. So, why aren't you willing to honor her final wish?"
Subaru was a bit surprised to hear that response, looking up to the Witch with an expression akin to both frustration and sadness. "But Petra is gone," he argued. "How can I honor that when I watched her die? I failed to save her, and I can't even go back to make it right."
Satella let out a huff of air, or, rather, whatever could be associated as air in the place they currently occupied. "Death is an absolute of the universe," she spoke, her voice heavy yet soft at the same time. "It hits us all in different ways. For some of us, we are able to come back… to keep living despite the shadow always looming overhead. It's relentless. But, others… they aren't immune to death forever. Eventually, it will come for them, and there is no stopping it. In the end, it is best to accept this. If we keep holding onto their lives, even after they are gone, it would only destroy us."
Subaru took another shaky breath, his mind somehow a lot steadier than it was before. However, despite that, his mind was still hurt, damaged by the experiences and truths he was forced to bear witness to. Still, that didn't stop him from receiving and understanding her intended message.
He looked at Satella, a knowing yet solemn expression gracing his face, "You're telling me to let go."
"I am," she admitted. "I know it's not easy. Not in the slightest. But you must, if you want to move forward." She paused, taking a moment to let those words sink in before continuing, "You can't turn the tides of destiny of others forever. But, you can do so for your own, all while helping guide others on their paths the traditional way, too."
Subaru relented, his body slowly but surely easing itself as he continued to steady his breaths. He calmed himself, taking the time to digest Satella's words in full. She was right, and he couldn't help but hate it.
All he wanted to do was save everyone. He didn't want anyone to die, especially the people that he cared about. They didn't deserve to perish because of his own foolish mistakes, hence why he always set out to undo them.
Subaru paused those thoughts for a moment, considering something new in the heat of the moment. He was blaming himself, but where did that ever really get him?
The more he contemplated it, the more he realized how stupid he was really being. The more he blamed himself, the more he hurt those around him. Emilia, Beatrice, Petra, Pandora and even Satella now could all see through his fake little mask of happiness. They could see how much he truly suffered on the inside, yet, whenever they tried to help, he would always push them away.
He'd done that again, didn't he? When he was grieving, sad and lost, he chose to cling onto something that wasn't there, isolating himself and acting on his own instead of accepting it and attempting to confide in those around him. As a result, Beatrice and Emilia were sealed away and Pandora began rampaging in the Capital.
Pandora…
The more he thought of her, the more his heart ached. He was filled with immense guilt. His desire to save everyone ironically doomed the one he came to love most.
He failed her, sending her back into the terrible life he pulled her out of. She trusted him, and he betrayed that trust. Now, all he could think about was how he could ever possibly make things right again.
"I really messed up, didn't I," he mumbled to himself. He could only bring himself to apologize from the bottom of his heart, "Pandora… I'm so sorry."
"Start there," Satella spoke up, getting Subaru's attention. "Start with her. Save her."
… What did she just say?
"I'm… I'm sorry, did you just tell me to save her?" Subaru asked, startled in disbelief.
Satella nodded, "Yes. You don't want to?"
Subaru jumped, furiously denying her question, "No, of course I do! I just… didn't expect that from, especially coming from you."
Satella stayed quiet for a moment, taking her time in gathering the words she wanted to say next. "What you have been able to do is extraordinary," she complimented, her expression softening as the words left her mouth. "You were able to change her when nobody else could."
Only giving her occasional blinks, he found himself asking, "Are you saying you… support us?"
She was silent for another long moment, but, soon enough, she found the words she wanted to say, "Yes. You two are… unique, yet very deeply connected to one another. She has helped you, as you have helped her. I accept it."
To say Subaru was surprised was an understatement. He found himself asking another question, one which quickly began to eat away at his mind, "You accept it, even though you love me?"
"Yes," was her only reply to the question.
This time, Subaru was the one that stayed silent. He couldn't help but try and consider Satella's deeper reasons for her bizarre acceptance. Subaru considered that everything may be connected to him, in a way. Since Satella was always so concerned for him, it wasn't too far-fetched to say that she mainly approved because Pandora made sure to take care of him.
With that in mind, Subaru couldn't help but think back to Satella's love for him. This girl was still a mystery to him in a lot of aspects, but a lot of things that he had come to know made things a lot clearer.
Her connection and devotion to loving him was something he realized would never change, but he still felt the sudden need to make sure she knew who he was.
He took a breath, looking at her with a complex gaze and expression, "I'm not the same man you fell in love with, nor can I love you in the same way."
"I know," she answered. "I have since learned this. Though you may not love me, I will still always love and support you."
"But, why?" he asked, finding himself more curious than not.
"Because, in essence, you are him. Yet, at the same time, you are also not. You are different," she told him without an ounce of doubt. Her response was confusing, yet it also made sense.
Subaru found himself satisfied with her answer, but, at the same time, he still felt confused. His thoughts became more refined, searching for the answers he so desperately sought. It wasn't just about what Satella said; it was also about him, and what he was meant to do, as well.
Quickly, he came to understand everything. He held this high value of life, one which extended to even his foes. He desired to save everyone he could, going as far as to end his own life to bring back the lives of others.
But, that was the problem, wasn't it?
He was trapped within himself. He couldn't move past his fear, doubt and self-hatred. He constantly clung to things in hopes that he'd always be able to fix them. It held him back, pushed him down and made some situations even worse. Overall, his state of mind ended up gradually declining into a constant form of depression and guilt. It destroyed him.
Then, that begged the question: how could he save others if he couldn't even save himself?
The answer was that he couldn't. Without first saving himself, he couldn't reliably save others. By not relying on others, he forced himself into unwinnable situations which ultimately led to disaster. By not loving himself, he had ended up hurting those around him. That was something he never wanted to happen.
These were things that he needed to rectify.
He had made a promise to Pandora. He should've confided in her and been there for her. He failed to keep that promise due to his own idiotic and selfish mindset. He loved her, yet failed in these crucial aspects. He would change that.
He took another deep breath, searching for the resolve within him to stand tall once again. It didn't take long to find.
He used his will to stabilize it. He thought of those that had fallen, the ones who gave their lives so that the ones which live could keep moving forward. He would be sure to honor each of their sacrifices.
He would honor Petra's last words, especially.
"I'll save them," he suddenly stated, raising his head up high. A look of determination, one which reflected his will, made itself known on his face. "I'll rely on those I love, too. I wasn't fair to them, and I wasn't fair to myself, either."
Though as moderately clumsy as his speech was, it didn't fail to make Satella smile. Her message had truly gotten across to him and, for that, she was happy. As long as he began to genuinely love himself, rely on others, and value the lives of those still living, she would be content with what had transpired during their meeting.
"Your body is just about fully healed," she said, changing the topic and turning herself around in a way which indicated that she was about to walk away. "It is almost time to leave."
"Satella," he quickly called out, his tone having lost some of its former sturdiness, now replaced by something similar to a longing curiosity.
"Yes?"
"In the warning you showed me before, what was in the book?"
Satella stayed silent, seemingly unwilling to answer Subaru's question. Still, though, he waited patiently for a good while in hopes that she would respond, but, as more moments came to pass, it seemed more and more unlikely.
He decided to prompt her, "Satella, what was in that book? What was so important that you wanted to specifically highlight it to me?"
He could hear her let out a breath. She didn't turn around to face him, but she finally answered, "The book was the one of seals, barriers and pocket dimensions. The one highlighted would effectively seal me in a special pocket dimension, one which would forever seal me to an eternal darkness where I would be unable to cause harm to anyone again."
Subaru took in her words, taking his time to digest them. To Satella's surprise, his answer was not the one she was hoping for, "I'm not using that. I'm not going to doom you to suffer in eternal darkness alone."
She finally turned around to look at him again. Though, contrary to what one might have expected, her expression wasn't angry, not even close. Instead, it was more sad, or even disappointed, in Subaru's decision.
"Death may be an absolute, but I'm not going to start accepting it like it's supposed to happen every Monday," he continued. "Pandora needs me first. After that, I'll gather my friends and we'll stop the war. Then, I'll help you, too."
To say Satella was surprised would be an understatement. When she made an effort to encourage him to save and help others, she did not think that it would run this far, especially for someone like her. Though, perhaps that was foolish of her to think. This was Subaru, after all.
However, that didn't stop her from holding her own doubts. She knew that the inevitable was coming. If things weren't resolved in time, it was very probable that she would cause harm to innocent people once again. Before, in the past, it was a product of her own emotion; but, now, it would be completely uncontrollable.
In the end, relented and decided to hold some faith in Subaru. While current events were grim, that shouldn't stop her from trying to believe him. He had grown a lot, both in kind and as a person. Now, he even seemed to have regained some of his wisdom from the Seal back, too. She fully trusted him.
Even so, if things took a complete turn for the worse, Satella was sure that Subaru would do what needed to be done. If he wouldn't use the Sealing spell within the book, there would be… other methods in which he could deal with her. One of which, she was sure, would end up in his hands soon enough.
A sudden light began to envelop them both, signifying Subaru's exit from the void within himself, he parted his lips to speak one final time.
"I'll say what I told you before." He was full of the same will and determination she'd seen back at the Tea Party all that time ago. Whilst locking eyes with her, he renewed his promise, "I will save you."
When Subaru opened his eyes again, he found himself looking up at a crossing of roofs he didn't recognize. He groaned, sitting himself up with a lot less resistance than he thought. He sat himself on his butt, taking a moment to evaluate his condition.
Nothing hurt, nothing stung, nothing was sore… he felt good. It was almost weird, in a way, considering how he was supposedly catatonic not too long ago.
Subconsciously, he reached up to touch his neck. To his surprise, there was no evidence of a wound having ever been inflicted. In fact, it seemed as though there wasn't any trace of a scar, either.
He let out a huffed laugh, somewhat amused at the bizarreness of his situation. He truthfully almost couldn't believe it.
The body next to him soon caught his eye. Her lifeless, cyan eyes endlessly stared at him. The blood which spewed from her lips and the wound in her chest was now dried, having permanently stained her clothes.
Subaru's eyes softened as he fought the urge to turn away. He took a deep breath through his mouth, using his hands and knees to slowly make his way closer to her. Once he was finally close enough, he steadied himself on the ground and rose a single hand to her face.
"I'm sorry," he said in a low, quiet tone. His hand reached her eyes, his fingers gently pushing down on her lids to close them. "I'll make sure your last wish is granted. I'll save them, I promise. You… You can rest now, Petra."
He took one final deep breath as he slowly removed his hand, bringing it back to his side. A single tear moved down his cheek, only to be quickly wiped away with a sweep of his arm.
Subaru then stood, only to freeze. The sight of another body, one that shouldn't even be there, grabbed his attention.
Louis lay collapsed on the ground, a hole through her stomach, dead. His breath hitched, becoming more uneasy as he saw the remains of her intestines splattered across the ground. The momentary shock of the sight made his mind draw a blank.
Then, he heard faint screaming coming from somewhere in the distance. More screaming followed, indicating that more than just one person was in danger. He could smell the stench of smoke as it flowed into the air.
Overpowering all of that was a smell he'd long since grown accustomed to: the smell of blood. However, I'm this case, he didn't know if it was from Louis or from the many people that were likely just beyond the alleyway.
He looked toward the alleyway's exit, eyes widening and lips slightly parted in a show of shock. The light missed his face, concealing his expression in the darkness. As his mind quickly began to comprehend what was happening, he could only think to utter one, simple line.
"Dora, what have you done…"