3

Broken Mind

Sarah Reese jumped slightly as there was a sharp knock on her apartment door. For a moment she contemplated whether or not to wait out whoever stood on the other side but then decided against it. She had to stop thinking that everyone was out to get to her.

"Sarah?" a kind voice called.

She chided herself for being silly as she realized it was just Noah. Visibly relaxing, she strode over to pull the chain from door and push down the handle.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," she greeted with a forced smile.

"Look I-, I understand if you don't want company but I wanted to make sure you were all right."

She brightened and motioned for him to step inside. "Actually, I think I do like some company but you look beat."

He shook his head. "I got caught up in a case, lost track of time and April sort of kicked me out. It was kind of nice to delve into someone else's problem for a change instead of sitting back home mulling over what I could have done differently."

She nodded as she closed the door behind him, put the chain back and moved over to the sofa and her half-eaten chocolate bar. She didn't manage to find the courage to look him in the eye as she asked; "How do you do it? I mean, how do you manage to shake it all off and move on, just like that?"

"I haven't," he chuckled bitterly as he took a seat next to her. "Managed to shake it off, that is," he clarified. "I saw the dark look in his eyes as I told him the bad news and - from that moment - I knew he was going to hit me. I was scared, paralyzed at first. I just stood there and let him punch me. If my sister and Doctor Rhodes hadn't intervened, I don't know what might have happened."

Sarah shuddered at that. "I still can't understand why you didn't press charges," she said.

"Because the fault was my own, Sarah. I brought it upon myself."

She took a bite of her chocolate bar in frustration.

"Enough about me. How are you holding up?" he asked curiously. "Did Doctor Charles give you a hard time after I'd left?"

"Not really but I feel terrible. I have hardly slept at all tonight. I know that what I did was wrong but at the time I was so scared-,"

"Hey," he said softly as she was on the verge of tears. "It's okay. It's okay to act in self-defense when you're feeling threatened."

"I don't think anyone agrees with you. I got suspended – remember?"

"You'll get through this," Noah assured her. "I am sure Doctor Charles will sort everything out."

Sarah looked at him skeptically.

He offered her a smile and nodded at the window. "Have you eaten anything? I mean besides that chocolate bar?" Without waiting for a reply, he continued. "I know for a fact that there's a great place around the corner that serves excellent breakfast. Why don't I pick something up?"

"Really, you don't have to," Sarah started to protest.

"It's fine. If you don't want anything you can watch me eat because I am starving."

She managed a faint smile at that and nodded. "A bagel and a latte?" she suggested hopefully.

"Coming right up," he promised.

OOOOOO

Doctor Charles ran a hand through his greying hair, wondering if he should call his daughter and give her the bad news. He didn't usually hesitate but, right now, he didn't know what to do. He debated with himself whether or not Robin could handle the news of Connor being badly injured while she was still so much in distress over her own condition.

The last couple of months was starting to feel like one long hellish nightmare that gnawed on his soul. His daughter, her boyfriend, his protégée; all of them damaged one way or another and he seemed unable to help any of them at the moment.

"Daniel," Goodwin called softly as she walked up to him. "Talk to me."

The Chief Psychiatrist shook his head. "I don't know what to say right now, Sharon."

"I know it's tough but-,"

He shook his head again as he began to walk away from the trauma bay, feeling the need to get some fresh air. Glancing over his shoulder, he noticed that Sharon hadn't left his side. His old friend was silently and patiently trailing him; he stopped and turned to look at her wearily.

"You know, it is funny. The majority think that the patient is the one in need of care but I think that you and I both know that is only partly true," he said seriously.

She nodded kindly as she studied her friend, taking in his slightly disheveled appearance. "First Robin being diagnosed and treated for a tumor, then Doctor Reese attacking a patient and now Doctor Rhodes being injured in a car accident," she summarized sadly.

Daniel took a deep breath and sighed. "That is the point. I mean, I am a psychiatrist. I should have been capable of diagnosing my own daughter correctly the first time, not just assume it was psychological. I should have seen the signs of paranoia Sarah exhibited, connected the dots – you know – all the way back to the shooting. And-" he trailed off, unsure of what to say next. "Did Connor end up here by accident or-,"

Sharon raised her hand to stop him. "Okay, first of all, you did help Robin. It was you who came up with the correct diagnosis. It might have taken a while to get there, but you did," she reasoned softly. "And, since you are a psychiatrist, you know very well that people react differently to the same situation. Sarah Reese is a grown woman, she could have asked for help early on – in fact, I find it a little odd that she didn't – considering that she should also have been able to see the signs. Besides, you had a busy schedule with patients to see and meetings to attend to. You can't be there for everyone and notice everything all the time, Daniel."

He managed a faint smile. "Thanks for the pep talk."

"And," she continued, threading lightly, "-I don't know why you would think Doctor Rhodes would intentionally throw himself into the mix of a car accident? Maybe you don't know him as well as you think. Connor might have taken on too many shifts since Robin left; burying himself in work to avoid thinking about what he's lost lately, but that's it as far as I am concerned."

Daniel nodded thoughtfully. "You know, Sharon. Robin is confused right now and very emotional as she's trying to get back to her normal self. She's doubting every decision she's made of late but she really loved Connor. I am afraid-" he paused and swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry, "-is it wrong not to tell her that he's been in an accident?"

Sharon gently squeezed his shoulder. "You do whatever you feel is best, Daniel," she said softly.

He hesitated. "I think that it would heighten her anxiety, that it might be enough to give her a setback."

"Don't tell her then, Daniel," Sharon reasoned.

Charles looked thoughtful, even skeptic, as he locked his eyes with hers. "What if he dies, Sharon? What then? What do I tell Robin then?"

The Head of Patient and Medical Services shook her head resolutely. "No, no. He can't die. Too many people are depending on him. Not to mention what Cornelius Rhodes might do to the hospital if we lose his son."

The psychiatrist snorted. "Didn't think you feared that conniving 'gentleman'."

"I don't," Sharon replied quickly. "But the board tend to get anxious when our benefactors get upset."

"If Connor had heard you right now, he would have been insulted and emotionally hurt by what you just suggested," Daniel reasoned. "He loathes being used as a pawn in the game his father plays. He wouldn't want special treatment and I don't think he cares whether his father is happy or upset. Connor might have been born into one of the wealthiest families in Chicago but he's never asked to be treated differently than any other staff member here. He's never used his name to get what he wants."

Sharon raised a curious eyebrow to that statement. "I remember what you said when he pulled Robin out of the psychiatric isolation," she told him pointedly. "Or have you forgotten?"

Daniel nodded. "Using daddy's lawyers?" he said. "He's apologized about that and I don't blame him. In fact, I placed her there without giving it further thought. Like I told Connor, we both made mistakes."

"It's going to be fine, Daniel," Sharon persisted. "Connor's going to pull through and Robin is going to get well again, trust CeCe to take care of her. When it comes to your resident Sarah Reese; she's tough, she'll get over it."

Daniel managed a faint smile at his friend as she squeezed his shoulder and then began to move away, walking down the corridor. He watched her until she disappeared around a corner and sighed. In trying times like these, he felt uncertain of himself, felt the need to opt up the sessions with his personal counselor, and wanted nothing else than to threw himself back into work where he was forced to delve into the problems of strangers to whom he had no connection.

OOOOOO

Maggie looked up to see Herrmann and Otiz walk through the doors with some personal belongings from the accident site. "Over there," she said and pointed toward the doctors' lounge.

"Sure," Herrmann acknowledged and nodded at Otiz, then at the semi-dark room.

The charge nurse walked in after them. "Thanks. I'll have someone sort it out and make sure that it gets to the right people," she said.

The firefighters put the two boxes on the table. Herrmann swallowed. "Look, Maggie-," he began softly. "We're all wondering-. Doctor Rhodes. He's all right, isn't he?"

All she wanted was to say yes but she couldn't lie to Herrmann nor herself. "I don't know yet," she replied carefully. "They rushed him to surgery. We're as much in the dark about his condition as you are at the moment."

Herrmann and Otiz shared a troubled look then the older firefighter turned back to Maggie, his lips pursed into a thin line of displeasure. "I hear what you say, Maggie. You-, you'll let us know how it goes?"

Maggie forced a smile on her lips, knowing that Connor saved his life not too long ago. "I'll call the station as soon as I have something to report," she assured him softly.

OOOOOO

"Will," Natalie called as she joined him at one of the computer stations. "I just heard. Is Connor all right?" she asked.

Halstead sighed wearily. "Don't know. I am waiting for news. In the meantime, I'm trying to keep my mind occupied." He nodded at the screen in front of him. "The dad, from the crash, he's a pretty lucky guy. Got away with a few cuts and bruises and a few broken ribs."

Natalie hummed.

"How are the kids doing?" he asked.

"From what I understand, their car was hit on the passenger side., somewhere along the lines of the front passenger position? Their mother is undergoing immediate and extensive surgery to repair blunt trauma injuries. I don't have all the details but apparently it's touch and go."

Will nodded sadly. "Yeah, from what little I saw and from what Connor told me, her prognosis is uncertain."

Natalie forced a smile. "You asked about the kids, not their mother. Ethan and April are treating the younger boy. He was sitting on the opposite side of the car, behind his dad, therefore he got away relatively unscratched. He does suffer from a fracture in his lower leg but it's nothing life-threatening. Ethan is mostly concerned about his mental state. Doctor Khwan is on his way to consult. Now, as for the teenager who sat right behind their mother-," Natalie paused and sighed.

Will saw the troubled look on her face. "Hey. It's not like you to sound so dejected. Is the situation really that hopeless?"

"Poor family," Natalie said in a subdued voice, not really offering an answer to his question. She turned around to look at the trauma room. "They were just passing the state."

OOOOOO

To be continued