Chapter 5: Sword Hunt Part 3 – S.W.O.R.D. Hunt

NEW AVENGERS COMPOUND, EARTH-616 (SACRED TIMELINE) – FEBRUARY 10, 2025

The Sanctuary II reappeared in the skies above the New Avengers Compound. "Betcha Cap down there just crapped his pants," I said to Harley.

"Totally," she said. "But…uh, come to think of it, why didn't you just send us back to the Citadel?"

"I kinda want to joyride this thing around Earth for a while. Give them a bit of a scare before I get chewed out by Sylvie."

"And what about that?" Harley pointed to the Infinity Gauntlet. "Now…what, the Sacred Timeline has Infinity Stones again?"

"I guess. If Infinity Ultron proved anything, it's that any set of Infinity Stones can be used in any universe."

Harley turned the Sanctuary II away from the New Avengers Compound and down the Hudson River. "So where should we take this thing first?"

"I'm thinking down to Manhattan. We'll let them panic a bit and then announce that it's just me, and that the Carlysle will be defending this planet from now on."

"The Carlysle? That's what you're rebranding this as?"

"Sure. I'm surprised Quill hasn't renamed the Benatar the Gamora by now."

"No problem. Sanctuary II just sounds a bit more…impressive, maybe?"

"Well, while I'm at renaming things, the Q-Ships are now Flying Donuts, because Tony's name for them is just more amusing. Also, I'm gonna try to get my hands on a few hundred thousand gallons of red paint to give this thing a real makeover."

This side trip had proven even more productive than I expected. Not only did I get a new pair of swords, but a complete Infinity Gauntlet and a brand-#$%&ing-new flagship. Note that I fully expect this to be made into a Lego set. Set number 76221: The Carlysle. I'm thinking 1,718 pieces and $170, but feel free to amend that part if necessary.

Suddenly, a button on the controls started blinking red. "What does that mean?" Harley asked. "Wade, I think you might need to threaten that Spideypool52 guy again."

I walked over to the button. "Looks like there's a speaker drawn on here. Wonder if this has something to do with communications."

"Is someone trying to contact us?"

"Maybe. Ooh, maybe it's Supergiant. Is the fifth member of the Black Order finally gonna reveal herself?" I turned to you and pressed my finger to my lips; shhh…top secret….

Harley pressed the button. A voice came from the speakers obviously hidden around the bridge. "Attention unidentified craft. This is Agent Monica Rambeau of the Sentient World Observation and Response Division. Identify yourself or we will attack."

What the #$&%?! We hadn't even been here five minutes and we'd already attracted S.W.O.R.D.'s attention? And not just that, but Spectrum herself?

"What now?" Harley whispered.

"Take advantage of our connections, maybe," I replied. I leaned over the speaker button. "Hello, S.W.O.R.D.! This is the greatest superhero ever, Deadpool. Guardian of the Multiverse, killer of Thanos in an alternate timeline, and captain of the Carlysle. You got a problem with any of that?"

"Never heard of you," Spectrum replied. "I'm coming down there to see who you actually are. Don't move or we will attack." The connection crackled out.

Someone has never heard of me? That's the biggest insult I've ever received. Seriously. Me?!

"What did she mean 'come down'?" Harley asked. "Where exactly is she?"

"Well," I said, "if this iteration of S.W.O.R.D. is anything like the one from the comics, they've got this super-cool HQ called the Peak that's in Earth's orbit."

"Should we be worried about her coming here?"

"…I wouldn't exactly worry. She's probably gonna be a buzzkill, but not much trouble beyond that. I think of her as something like…Captain Marvel Lite." Come to think of it, each of them got their powers from an Infinity Stone, more or less. Captain Marvel directly from the Space Stone, and Spectrum from Scarlet Witch (more or less), who got her powers from the Mind Stone. Wait, no, hold up, that was the backstory given before Disney bought out 20th Century Fox. Now it's more or less, "She always had her powers, so without saying she's a mutant…she's a mutant, and the Mind Stone just enhanced her powers." Ah, the legalities that shape the course of events across the multiverse.

Suddenly, Spectrum flew through the ceiling and landed in the control room before us. "What the hell?" I said, gesturing around at the mess she created. "Use the #$%&ing door!"

"Didn't know there was one," Spectrum said. "Never been in this ship before, and quite frankly, never thought I would be." She then looked down. "Jesus Christ, is that your arm on the floor?"

"Yep. Don't worry about me, I can regrow it."

She shuddered. "So give me one good reason to believe that you're not affiliated with Thanos."

"I took his weapon," I said. I pointed to it on the floor.

"For all I know, you didn't take it, he gave it to you. Try again."

"I have the Infinity Gauntlet. He'd never give that up."

"…Okay, fair point, but I can't allow you to keep that either. No one should have that much power."

"And let me guess: you're gonna take it and keep it for yourself then, right?"

"No, it'll be turned over to S.W.O.R.D. custody, and they'll decide what to do with it."

"Great, so can we just fork over the Gauntlet and then you'll let us go?"

"I'm still not sure about that, because I'm not sure I buy the story you're selling." She tapped a device on her wrist and spoke into it. "Cap, this is Spectrum. You there? Come in."

Geez, there must be pretty lax criteria determining who gets to call him "Cap" these days, given that last I knew, he and Spectrum had never even met each other.

A blue hologram of Cap appeared from the device and he immediately said, "Is this about Thanos' warship suddenly appearing in the sky? Because I think I know who's behind it."

"Yeah, I'm onboard the ship now. There's two people here claiming they stole the ship from Thanos, one who calls himself Deadpool and…someone who looks like an NYCC attendee dressed as Harley Quinn."

"For #$&%'s sake, does no one realize that I'm real in another universe?" Harley asked.

"That's what I figured," Cap said. "Don't worry, they're not in league with Thanos. But they were a royal pain in the ass to me earlier, so I'd appreciate it if you could bring them to the Compound so I could give them a talking to."

"No, come on, don't do that," I groaned. "Cap's no fun. C'mon, be fun! Be fun!"

"I want no part of what you deem 'fun'," Spectrum un-fun-ly said, turning off the communication device. "Now you two are coming with me."

Suddenly, a TemPad portal opened across the room from us. Sylvie, Loki, the Doctor, Rose, and Magik all emerged from it. Ugh. No doubt they'd been at the Citadel and detected some sort of multiversal incursion when Harley and I brought the Carlysle to this universe.

Spectrum turned to face them, eyes glowing blue, and asked, "Now who are you guys?"

Sylvie gestured to me and Harley. "Those two jokers you've got there are with us. Sorry for any inconvenience or aggravation they undoubtedly subjected you to."

"Hey! I broke up with the Joker!" Harley yelled.

"Aren't you Loki?" Spectrum asked, pointing to the God of Mischief.

"A variant of Loki," he replied, "but Loki nevertheless."

"So these two are your problem?"

Sylvie began, "They brought the Sanctuary II-"

"Carlysle!" I yelled.

"-here from an alternate universe, God knows why, but without any of our knowledge. So we'll take it from here. They're not a danger to this planet, they're just annoying as all – wait a minute, don't even tell me that's the Infinity Gauntlet!"

"It is," Spectrum, Harley, and I all said.

"Hand it over. The Stones have to go back to the universe they came from, or else that entire universe is gonna go to hell in a handbasket."

Dammit, I knew this was too good to be true. I figured the swords I'd get to keep, but now Sylvie was all 'hand over the Infinity Stones!', and I'd probably have to fight her tooth and nail over the Carlysle. Not that I fear conflict or anything; I just kinda didn't want to bother with it. I fear nothing. Except radioactive Shar-Peis.

But then I realized a slight flaw in Sylvie's logic. "What about the Sacred Timeline? Thanos destroyed its Infinity Stones back in 2018, and over six years later, it's still alive and kicking. So…care to explain?"

"They weren't destroyed," Sylvie said. "They were 'reduced to atoms,' as he said. Their energy still persists, binding this universe together."

Guess that wasn't the logical flaw I thought it was. "Fine, then. Earth-TRN908. Gamora used the Infinity Crusher to destroy its set of Stones."

"Again, they were only reduced to atoms, if my understanding of the Infinity Crusher is accurate."

Dammit, she was outwitting me at every turn! Side note here, I can't believe anyone actually believed Thanos when he said the Stones were "reduced to atoms." He basically admitted in Infinity War that he's a great liar when he said to Gamora, "But I never taught you to lie. That's why you're so bad at it."

But what other universe could I use in my argument…?

Aha!

"Earth-TRN906." I folded my arms. "Infinity Ultron, last I checked, is still in Earth-TRN889, being watched over by Doctor Strange Supreme. Earth-TRN906 doesn't have its Infinity Stones in any capacity, so…checkmate."

"Okay, yes. That universe has since fallen into complete disarray, and at some point in the future will probably cease to exist entirely. At the same time, though, there is no intelligent, biological life remaining in that universe, and it's not worth risking the entire multiverse by sending Infinity Ultron back there."

"But the universe you just created can still be saved by sending the Infinity Stones back there," the Doctor said. "So just give them to us."

Over fourteen possible outcomes raced through my mind. I had no way of knowing if I'd get to keep the Stones in any of them, but one seemed to have a greater chance of success than the others.

"Okay, you win – Harley, catch!" I yelled, tossing the Infinity Gauntlet to her.

She reached to catch it, but suddenly a portal opened and the Gauntlet fell into it. "What the #$&%?!" I said.

"Thanks," Magik said.

I turned around to see another portal, hovering above her, drop the Gauntlet into her hands. "Now we'll take this back to the alternate timeline once we've gotten the rest of this situation rectified," Sylvie said. "First off, why did you two even head to another universe?"

"Technically, we created another universe," I said. "And the reason was so I could get a new pair of swords after that mother#$%&er melted mine last night. Taking the Infinity Gauntlet and the Carlysle as well just…sorta happened."

"I thought this thing was called the Sanctuary II," Rose said.

"It was when Thanos owned it, but now that it's mine, I renamed it."

"Well, that meshes with the sort of stupid crap you'd go and do," Sylvie said. "Well, we're heading back to the Citadel now. Spectrum, sorry to deny you the chance to chew out Wade for this, but we've got important stuff to go discuss." She pointed to the TemPad portal.

"I don't think so." I crossed my arms with the one arm I still had. "I hooked a TemPad up to the Carlysle, so we can take this back to the Citadel."

"Wade, you are not keeping this thing."

"Oh, come on!" Harley said.

"Why?" I asked. "Thanos certainly won't be needing it again."

"It is sorta cool," Magik conceded.

Never thought I'd hear her say that. Am I slowly becoming more popular with people the longer they're around me?

"We could use this thing in battle," I argued. "Let's say the planet's in danger and we need to defend it. Boom. Here we go."

Loki whispered to Sylvie, "Keeping this might not be a bad idea, given what you discovered earlier."

Ooh. Super-secret conversation transpiring.

Sylvie rolled her eyes. "Fine. Since a majority of you are clearly in favor of keeping it…we can keep it."

"But we've gotta come up with a better name for it," Magik said.

"The name sticks," I said. "For your information, it's the last name of my dead girlfriend."

That shut everyone up.

Except Loki, who sniped, "You had a girlfriend?"

That did it.

"Alright, God of Mischief," I said, raising my fists in the same boxing stance as that douchebag variant of Mario I encountered back in December. "Let's do this. You and me. Mano a mano."

"You don't want to do this."

"Don't I? Prove it, asshat!"

A/N: To be continued…. Yep, I'm gonna be the cliffhanger guy everyone hates and make you wait to learn who wins that little spat. Anyway, this wraps up the "Sword Hunt" arc; next time we'll be getting back to the main plot. Please R&R, and also feel free to suggest any characters or universes you want to see in future chapters. The crazier the better - no amount of absurdity is off the table in this fanfic!