Blake and Ayame have had a lot of fun and happiness on their date, and Ayame even got a brand-new pokemon! But now that the nice part is over… there's another thing they have to work on for their relationship. Because the date isn't just fun and games, there are serious things they have to talk about here, and now's that time, unfortunately.

KedharS: They're definitely adorable.

Just a Bad Writer for Fun: Who knows? It was certainly the perfect Dragon type for her, though, I think we can agree to that.

Guest: She really is adorable when she's acting spoiled.

Aakareo Kokokuhikari: Welcome, glad you could catch up!

Pokemon Academy: Beginning of Beginnings

Chapter 819

After leaving the pokemon store, Blake and Ayame moved on to the next part of their date, getting dinner. Of course, they were eating at an Italian restaurant.

Blake was glad that Aya was in such a good mood. She was cradling the pokeball she'd bought like it was the Goomy himself. If the restaurant had allowed pokemon there was no doubt that she would be doing exactly that.

"So you said this place was some sort of Italian-Asian fusion?" Ayame asked, scanning the menu.

"Yeah, I looked it up," Blake said. "They let you pick your own noodles and your own sauce for any dish. So you could get spaghetti in ramen broth, for example."

"Ugh, that just sounds gross," Ayame said, shaking her head. "No, I think I'm gonna get udon noodles with marinara sauce."

"…Not so gross, eh?" Blake smirked.

"What? I like my sauce, okay?" Ayame laughed. "And we get meatballs, right? It doesn't say we do, so we better!"

"It's on the sides option," Blake noted. "Oh, you can also get seaweed."

Ayame made a face. "I have enough stomach problems as it is, thank you."

"As for me, I'm thinking of getting some ramen with alfredo sauce," Blake said, licking his lips. "That just sounds delicious."

"That sounds revolting," Ayame said, making another face.

"Aya, just admit you hate ramen, it'll be easier," Blake smirked. She grinned back at him.

"Hey, you can make your own food choices," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "…But don't say I didn't warn you."

Blake smiled. He was glad that Aya was having a good time. There had been a bit of a problem at the beginning with that girl from the Appeals Course that Aya had a beef with, but they have managed to move past that and the date had gone great since then.

Which was good. Because they hadn't gotten to the most difficult part.

As much as Blake and Aya loved each other, it was obvious they had problems. They were growing dependent.

And Blake knew that most of those problems tied back to him. When he had lost everything and was at his lowest point, Aya had been there for him. He had realized how he felt about her, and now they were together.

He couldn't keep it bottled up any longer. He needed to tell her how he felt. They needed to talk about this now.

"Aya… I think it's time we talked," Blake said quietly.

Ayame's good mood immediately soured. Her wide grin faded into a serious look. "Are… you sure? Right now?"

Blake nodded. "Look, I know…"

"We can't wait until we eat first?" Ayame pleaded. She knew this conversation had to happen at some point tonight, but she really didn't want to have it now. They had such a good mood going on, and she was terrified this was going to ruin it.

"I'm sorry, but yeah, it has to be now," Blake said. If he and Aya waited until they got their food, they could end up being swept away by the meal and miss their window to have this discussion. And right now, his stomach was too messed up to even consider eating something. This must have been what Aya always felt like, when she was nervous and sick to her stomach.

Ayame took a deep breath and composed herself, slowly exhaling. "…Okay. So let's talk."

In spite of Blake's insistence that they talk, he found himself unable to get the words out. So they sat in silence for a while, before he could finally say what had been on his mind.

"Aya… today was amazing. I love going out with you like this," he said. He probably should have chosen his words better because she went pale in the face, terror widening her eyes.

"Wait, please, before you say anything else, please tell me this isn't a breakup sort of thing!" Ayame pleaded.

"What? No, it's not, it's not anything like that," Blake said quickly, shaking his head. "No, it's just… I really had a lot of fun today. I love spending time with you, Aya, you're funny, and cool, and even though you're so serious so often there's this passion and lust for life in you that I just find so perfect and alluring, sometimes I can't believe that you're dating me."

Ayame felt her face heating up as the wave of compliments kept crashing into her.

"…But, well, that's not enough for a relationship," Blake added, wincing as he saw how those words crushed her joy so thoroughly. "There needs to be trust. And security. And right now, I don't know if we have enough of that."

Ayame couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You don't… trust me?"

Blake shook his head. "Please, don't think about it like that. Of course I trust you, Aya, I know you would never do anything to hurt me."

"Then what is it? Why don't you trust me?" Ayame asked. "Did I do something? Or not do something?"

Blake shook his head again. "It's not anything to do with you. This is about me. And it's not even about me not trusting you. It's about me not trusting… well, the world, I guess."

And now Ayame was lost.

"…Yeah, I think you need to explain that a little clearer."

Blake sighed. "So, like, think about it like this. Aya, you're great, and wonderful, and I wish I could spend every day with you just like this. But we both know that I can't. You're going to the Orre Region tomorrow. And when you come back, we'll only have a little bit of time together, and then you're going to graduate. You'll move back to Johto, right?"

She nodded. "Y-Yeah, and I'm gonna start competing in Pro-Level Pokeathlons."

"Well, while you're off doing that, I'm going to still be here, at the Pokemon Academy. For another three years. And yeah, we can see each other on breaks and stuff, but it won't be the same as what we have right now, where we can see each other whenever we want. You understand that, right?" He knew it was stupid to ask that. Of course Aya understood that, she understood it better than he did, probably, because she was the one who would be leaving and saying goodbye to all her friends.

Ayame hung her head and nodded. "…Yeah. I know."

"And that's exactly the problem between us, Aya," Blake continued. "I'm USED to having you around. I LOVE having you around. If a day goes by when I don't get to see you, then I feel like it was a wasted day, that's how much I love you."

Ayame's heart skipped a beat. But she tampered down on her joy, knowing that Blake was building up to something serious.

"But even though I do enjoy your company… the reason I need you around so much is a little… harder than that." They'd talked about this before, and Blake knew Aya could sense where he was going with this. "Because when you're not there… when I'm alone, and don't know what's happening with you, I tend to overthink things. I get nervous, anxious, worried, whatever you want to call it, and I feel the urge to want to be by your side so I can make sure that everything's okay. That you're okay. And I don't think that's the right thing to do."

"I get that feeling too, sometimes," Ayame admitted, though she knew it couldn't compare to how Blake felt. "But… is that so wrong?"

"I don't think that in and of itself is wrong, no," Blake said, shaking his head. "But it's the reason for it. I mean… you know about all the stuff with my family. What happened to my mom… and what happened to my sister."

"Yeah," Ayame nodded. How could she forget?

"So it's clear that I have some… problems when it comes to abandonment, and feeling like people are gone and I can't help them. And as much as I hate feeling that way, sometimes I just can't help it. So that's what I mean when I say I can't trust the world sometimes," Blake explained. "I can trust you with anything, but I can't trust that nothing bad will happen to you. And I don't think that's a healthy way to approach a relationship. I need to be secure enough about the two of us where I can be at least moderately certain that when I don't see you for a day it's not because you got attacked and are hurt or dead or something."

Ayame nodded. She could understand where he was coming from, even if she didn't like it. What had happened with Dakota had clearly left a pretty big scar on him. And not just on Dakota, but on what had happened before it, too.

That was something that Ayame needed to confess herself.

"I understand what you're saying, Blake, really, I do," Ayame sighed. She'd been keeping this bottled up because she hadn't wanted to worry him, but now that they were being honest with each other it felt like now was the time to say it. "But… there's something I have to tell you about, too." She looked at him and tried not to cry.

"…What is it?" Blake asked. He'd been expecting this conversation to be about his problems and how he needed to change, he didn't know how to respond to the fact that Aya might have something of her own that was affecting them.

"I get you not wanting to be apart from me, Blake, really, I do," Ayame said. "After all, considering what happened to you, but also… that other thing. Before Valentine's Day. That was something that I can't even begin to understand, isn't that right?"

A pang shot through Blake's heart. …Yeah. That was the other thing he had to talk with her about. When we was trapped in that other dimension.

"You mean the tablet," he said softly. "When I was sent to that world, the Realm of the Ravenous or whatever it was."

Ayame nodded.

"When you were gone… when you were absorbed by that thing… at first I didn't know what to think," she confessed. "I thought that you were hurt or dead and that someone had done something to you, and when it happened I just kind of… snapped. I got really violent and made all sorts of threats."

She couldn't look him in the eye, the guilt over her actions was threatening to swallow her whole. It wasn't fair, and it definitely wasn't right, but it was what she'd done and there was no changing that now.

"And then when I learned what had really happened to you, that you'd gotten consumed by that tablet and were gone for good… I shut down. I went catatonic." It was the first time she'd ever told this to him. She'd been afraid to up until now, but there was no avoiding it.

Blake was shocked by the admission. "W-Wait, what?"

"I sat at my window and stared out into nothingness for most of those two weeks," Ayame continued. Each word was harder to get out than the last. "I knew I would never see you again, and knowing that broke me. It made me feel like I was alone in the world, empty, hollow, like I had lost everything that gave my life joy and color. And I thought… at the very end, I considered just letting the tablet consume me as well, so that we could at least be together on the other side.

Blake had no idea what to say. He'd never heard about any of this. "Aya, that's… I don't… why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because I didn't want you to worry, stupid," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I just wanted everything to go back to normal, not make you feel bad for what had happened to you. You seemed like you wanted to get over it and move on, so I tried to do that myself. But did you really think that you could just be gone, and I wouldn't break?"

Blake remembered the way she'd been when he first came back. The way she'd clung to him, never letting him go anywhere alone. He'd thought that it was a pretty normal response considering what had happened, and after their Valentine's Day date when they were finally together she had returned to normal, so he hadn't thought anything of it.

He never could have guessed that she had been hiding pain like that from him.

"So yeah, I know what it's like to be afraid that something is going to happen to the person you love, and have that fear be so strong that it basically consumes you," Ayame said. "Believe me, I know what you're feeling better than anybody. And I don't want to go to Orre either, because I'm terrified that something will happen to you. And then, when you're gone, I'm going to be that empty shell again. And that's not good for either of us."

Blake and Ayame stared at each other in silence. At this point, neither one could imagine going on without the other one. And both of them knew that something like that was too dangerous for a relationship.

Because things happen to people. People die. People leave. To not be able to handle that, that was out of the question.

"Aya… when I was trapped in that place… it was thoughts about you, of getting back to you and seeing you again… those were the thoughts that kept me going, and gave me the strength to find my way out," Blake said.

Ayame was glad for that, but it still didn't change what they were dealing with.

"Thank you, Blake, but…"

"But," he interrupted her, "I can understand that something like that isn't the way we're supposed to be approaching things. This is what I talked about before. We need security for our relationship. Not just being secure that nothing bad will happen to the other person, but security in the knowledge that even if something bad DOES happen, that won't be the end of the world for us."

Neither one of them were certain they could obtain that. Blake and Ayame just meant too much to the other. They had helped each other when they were at their lowest points, and given them things to believe in. They were the other person's greatest symbol of happiness.

For neither one to see the other? For one of them to die? It would just kill the other person, and that was dangerous.

"I don't want to lose you," Blake admitted. "And I don't think I could handle losing you, either. But I do think that we should be able to handle it, don't you?"

"I agree," Ayame said, nodding, "but I don't… I don't know HOW we'll be able to handle it."

They shared another quiet look. Neither one knew what to do in a situation like this.

Blake had an idea. But it wasn't an idea that he was sure Aya would particularly like.

"Aya… the reason you're the most important person to me isn't just the fact that I love you," he confessed. "It's because I need you."

Ayame blinked. "Need me? Like… how? What do you need me for?"

"I feel like, sometimes… you being there is proof that… that I'm not as broken as I think I am. That I'm not incapable of loving and being loved by others," he confessed. "And I know that's a terrible way to think of things, but-"

Ayame quickly shook her head. "No, Blake, honestly… I think I feel the same way sometimes.

"But that isn't good," Blake added. "I should be able to trust others. And rely on others. It isn't fair of you to be the one to take on the brunt of my burden. That's something that I should be carrying myself, too."

Ayame nodded. She could understand that.

"And also… my friends," he added. This was something else he had felt guilty about. Something that he had noticed because Cynthia had brought it to his attention. "I've been spending so much time with you, become so caught up in you, that I don't even really have real relationships with my friends anymore, Aya."

Ayame was surprised at that admission. She looked at him with confusion. "But you guys are always spending time together."

"Yeah, but that's not the same thing as really being there for them," Blake said. "When was the last time I talked to Kitty about her harmonia? Or the last time I just stayed up playing video games with Nick and Reiner? Or hung out with Cynthia when it was just the two of us? And Sango, god, I don't even know what Sango's up to anymore, I can't even REMEMBER the last time we had a decent conversation. I've been neglecting my friendships to focus on you, and that's because I was so attached to you that I couldn't not be. Because you're so amazing, Aya."

His voice caught in his throat. "…Because you were the first person I've really loved, and you were someone who I felt could fill a hole that's been in my heart."

He looked up to her with renewed inspiration, and reached into his pocket. He showed what he took out to Aya.

"Do you remember this ribbon?" He asked, and she gasped.

"I've been holding onto this ever since I got it for you," Blake explained. "Because it was like a part of you was with me. We could be certain of our love for each other. And now, I'm more certain than ever. But I can't just focus on you. It isn't fair to either of us if you're the only person I love. I need to love my friends, too."

Ayame blinked. Sango's and Cynthia's faces flashed through her mind suspiciously. "Wait, when you say 'love'…"

"As friends, Aya, geez. I love them as friends, not like…" He blushed. "…Not like you and me."

She sighed in relief.

"So that's what I was thinking, at least for me," Blake explained. "While you're in the Orre Region with Olivia and Donoma and whoever, I'm going to be focusing on my friends. Maybe if I can improve things with all of them, well… maybe then I won't need to rely on you so much. Maybe we can be healthier together as a couple."

Ayame felt the smile creep back onto her face. She wiped away her tears. "I… I would like that, too," she said. "You and me, the power couple when we get back."

But Blake wasn't done. "But… about what you said before, the fear that something might happen to me…"

"That… well, that was…" Ayame didn't know how to explain that away. Blake's solution sounded like it would have been the perfect fix to all their problems if she hadn't said anything about the thing with the tablet. But she couldn't keep running from this, either. "…I don't know," she admitted. "I don't know how I can fix that fear."

Blake didn't either.

"…But," she added, giving him a resolved look of her own, "I promise I'm going to use the time I'm in Orre to figure it out. And I won't pester you, or bug you, or call you twenty times a day-"

"Ten times?" Blake asked hopefully, and they both burst out laughing.

"I'll work through it," she promised. "Because I believe absolutely that I'm going to see you again, Blake. I'm gonna come back from the Orre Region, and you won't have been sucked up into some shadow portal to hell or whatever. You'll be right there, waiting for me."

Blake nodded. "It's a promise."

They pinkie promised each other, and then Ayame flipped him off for good luck. They giggled, and waited for their food.

So, Blake and Ayame have finally talked about their issues. They haven't quite solved the problems, but they at least are on track to figuring out what to do about them, which is good. Hopefully they'll be able to work things out as a couple!