WHAT IF? - SEASON 3 EPISODE 14 - OUT IN THE STREET
Disclaimer: I don´t Degrassi or the characters from it.
THIS EPISODE IS INSPIRED BY AND DEDICATED TO ONE OF THE GREATEST FRONT MEN IN SCANDINAVIAN ROCK HISTORY. HANS ERIK DYVIK HUSBY, KNOWN BETTER BY HIS STAGE NAMES "HANK VON HELVETE" OR IN ENGLISH "HANK VON HELL", FORMER LEAD SINGER OF THE LEGENDARY NORWEGIAN PUNK/METAL BAND TURBONEGRO. HE SADLY PASSED AWAY ON NOVEMBER 19TH AT THE TOO YOUNG AGE OF 49.
I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO SEE THEM LIVE TWICE BACK WHEN HE WAS IN THE BAND AND ESPECIALLY THE FIRST SHOW I WOULD PUT UP AS ONE OF THE MOST ENTERTAINING SHOWS I´VE EVER SEEN, BECAUSE "HANKY"COULD BE JUST AS MUCH A STAND UP COMIC ON STAGE, AS HE WAS A SINGER. HE WAS ON TOP OF THAT A WRITER, A RADIO HOST (WHO LOVED PLAYING OLD NORWEGIAN SAILOR SONGS ON HIS SHOW!) AND IN HIS LATER YEARS, ALSO BECAME SOMEWHAT OF A TV PERSONALITY IN NORWAY, AFTER HE WAS A JUDGE ON "NORWEGIAN IDOL".
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HIM FOR YOURSELF, I RECOMMEND LOOKING UP AN OLD LIVE VERSION FROM WHAT IS ARGUABLY THE BAND´S BEST PERIOD FROM 2003 TO 2007 OF THEIR SIGNATURE SONG "I GOT ERECTION". THAT WAY YOU CAN WATCH HIM IN HIS PERFECT ELEMENT DOING WHAT HE DID BEST, WHICH WAS BEING A NATURAL BORN ENTERTAINER. SOME PEOPLE ARE TRULY UNIQUE AND WE´LL NEVER GET ANYONE ELSE LIKE THEM AGAIN, ONCE THEY LEAVE THIS EARTH. I WOULD DEFINITELY PUT HIM INTO THAT CATEGORY.
USUALLY THIS IS WHERE I WOULD PUT "REST IN PEACE", BUT IN HANKY´S CASE, I HOPE THAT HE NEVER HAS TO STOP ROCKING, EVEN BEYOND DEATH!
1. Int. Nelson Family Living Room. Evening.
Spike and Snake are snuggling on the couch and are enjoying themselves a lot, when Emma comes in wearing her PJ´s and holding a can of soda.
Emma:
What are we watching tonight? I was thinking, that it´s time I gave "Pretty in Pink" a shot!
She sits down in a chair and opens her can of soda. Her parents smile at her.
Spike:
Living the wild life, Em?
Snake:
Won´t that sugar rot your brain, as you like to put it?
Emma:
I can live a little!
She takes a sip from the can and goes "Mmm".
Emma:
It´s actually better when you´ve deprived yourself for so long.
Spike:
Only you haven´t been doing it a whole lot of living lately, have you?
Emma:
My hair and fingernails are still growing!
Snake:
Being alive and living your life are different things. You´ve had a week off from school and with three days to go, you´ve only left the house once.
Emma sees what they mean and looks a bit sad.
Emma:
It´s not that I don´t wanna be out there doing fun stuff. I just don´t have anyone to do them with. Which I´m well aware of is another way of saying, that I´m a total loser, who has no friends.
Spike:
Sure you do!
Emma:
It´s still too hard to be around JT and every time I see Manny, I feel guilty for falling for him. There´s Toby, but we talk all the time at school, now that I have no one else to speak to. He´s probably thankful, that his ears got a week off from my ramblings! Kendra I have as much in common with, as a Koala does with a Killer Whale!
Her parents try not to laugh too hard.
Snake:
Emma, it´s not un-natural at your age to feel like an outsider.
Spike:
What about Sean?
Emma:
What about him? Since our latest in our long line of break up´s, we seem to have lost all ability to communicate. The only other one I talk to regularly is Jane.
Spike:
Is she a nice girl?
Emma:
She´s the kind of girl, that I think more or less everyone likes. Spunky, out going, kind of a tomboy in many ways ...
Snake:
Why don´t you ask her, if she wants to hang out? Unless you want the best memories of your senior year, to be sitting at home watching movies with your folks?
Emma sees that they´re probably right and takes another sip of her soda.
OPENING CREDITS
2. Int. The Dot. Day.
Emma is sitting at the counter, while Jane is busy working behind it. She puts two plates on the counter and rings a bell. A tired looking Peter comes back to it.
Peter:
My legs are killing me! Let me take my break, so I can sit down!
Jane:
Don´t you still have to pay back your mom, because of that stock scam you got involved in, where everyone warned you that it was too good to be true, but you stubbornly refused to listen?
He grunts and picks the plates up.
Jane:
Table 6. You can take your break, when the lunch rush ends.
He leaves them. Jane and Emma smile at each other.
Jane:
Not to sound sexist, but him being a guy only makes pushing him around more fun!
Emma giggles.
Emma:
You were saying something about a gig at a club? It sounds like exactly what I need!
Jane:
I´m just glad, that I have someone to go with now.
Emma:
What about your cronies?
Jane:
Chantay and Danny are celebrating their anniversary, Darcy has a family thing and Mia is broke as usual. Marco apparently has a date, but Craig said that he might come.
Emma:
We can make a party out of it, the two of us, can´t we?
They smile at each other.
3. Int. Marco and Olivia´s Apartment. Evening.
A nervous looking but very well dressed Marco is having his attire looked over by Olivia. She nods to herself and looks impressed.
Marco:
Is it too much or too little?
Olivia:
I would say you hit the nail on the head!
He looks pleased and eases up a little.
Olivia:
It´s okay to be nervous. I was before my first of this kind of date too.
Marco:
How do I bring up the issue of payment? I still feel like a male prostitute, when I say it!
Olivia:
Then back out. Call him and tell him you changed your mind.
Marco:
I can´t, not if I want to continue on my journey towards higher learning.
Olivia:
If you´re short on money, I can lend you a few hundred.
Marco:
You´re nice to offer, but I´d rather not loan money from friends. However, from what I got from talking to my mom, loaning money from my parents won´t be an option in the near future.
Olivia:
As far as payment goes, you don´t want to be too direct on the first date, but you´ll want to be clear about your intentions too. The last thing you want is have the guy fall in love with you and have him think, you love him back.
Marco:
You don´t see a "Pretty Woman" scenario in my near future?
Olivia:
Let me be clear. What you´re doing tonight isn´t going on a date. You´re going to work.
Marco´s cell phone rings and he puts it up to his ear.
Marco:
Hi, Earl. I´ll meet you down on the street. See ya in a few.
He hangs up and puts the phone in his pocket.
Olivia:
Sometimes it helps to imagine, that it´s a character you´re playing.
Marco:
What if he wants to do something, that I´m not ready for or don´t want to do with him?
Olivia:
You set the limits. You´re not a rent boy.
Marco nods and tries to work up his courage.
4. Int. Car. Evening.
The car looks like it´s a high line one, probably a BMW or an Audi. Marco is in the passenger seat, while Earl McPhee (a very well dressed and carefully groomed man in his early 50´s, who clearly been using every anti aging product on the market to keep the wrinkles away) is driving. Marco is still quite nervous by the looks of it. Earl smiles at him.
Earl:
I´m not gonna bite, if that what you´re afraid of.
Marco:
Sorry, if I´m a bit quiet. I´ve never gone on one of these dates before.
Earl:
That´s okay. There´s a first time for everything, right?
Marco eases up a little and smiles back at him.
Marco:
Where are we going?
Earl:
A discreet place I know, where we will be enjoying dinner.
Marco:
That sounds okay. I was afraid, that you were taking me to a "Frankie Goes to Hollywood Style" orgy or something.
Earl laughs.
Earl:
We´ll save that for the 3rd date, shall we?
Marco:
Earl, I have to be honest. The wildest thing I´ve done is kissing.
Earl:
Marco, relax! I was young and inexperienced like you once. I won´t force you to do anything, you don´t feel ready for.
Marco:
I promise that I´ll try my best to lighten up, so the evening isn´t a total bust.
Earl:
Once you get used to it, it starts to come naturally. It was the same with the one before you and the one before him.
Marco:
Why aren´t you dating them anymore?
Earl:
I like them young. It makes me feel young too.
He shoots a charming smile at Marco, but Marco can´t help feeling like something is a little off with him.
5. Ext. Rock Club. Evening.
Emma is waiting in line with Jane to get in and it´s clearly a mostly punk rock crowd, making Emma feel a little left out, despite wearing the standard punk uniform of a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. A poster hung next to the door reads "LIVE TONIGHT - SPITTLE!" with a picture of four of the ugliest guys you can imagine posing and trying (and mostly failing) to look tough for their band picture underneath it. A guy with more piercings in his face than he has toes and a visible tattoo covering his entire neck is in line in front of them with his equally wild dressed pals. They´re clearly extremely hyped for it, to Emma and Jane´s amusement.
Punk Rocker:
WHO´S READY FOR A LITTLE SPITTLE?
He gets an enthusiastic response from the some of the others, including Emma and Jane. He turns around and high fives with both girls, before turning his attention back to his pals.
Emma:
If my mom saw me high fiving with a guy, who looks like that, she´d have a talk with me about the company, I´m keeping!
Jane:
Adults are no fun! I´m getting my kicks before it´s too late!
Emma:
Me too. So what if Sean has the decision making capacity of one of those Ent things from Lord of the Rings and the only other guy I like, is practically married to my best friend?
Jane:
All it does is open doors for new possibilities. Wait, you like JT?
Emma:
It´s a long story.
Jane:
Longer than "I found out one day, that I liked him"?
Emma smiles to herself and is clearly enjoying Jane´s company.
Emma:
I guess not.
A smiling Craig comes over to them, looking like the most normal dressed one there, along with Emma.
Craig:
Hey, guys! I was worried, that I wouldn´t be able to find you.
He gets hugs from both girls.
Emma:
No Sean tagging along?
Craig;
These things aren´t his thing. Anyway, I told him that you would be here and that seemed to seal the deal.
Emma looks annoyed.
Emma:
Great! Now he´s doing all he can to avoid me!
Jane:
Stop worrying about your exes! This is a night that´s all about forgetting the BS and rocking out! Are you with me?
Emma gets back on board thanks to the other two.
Emma:
Consider me ready to be rocked!
She looks ready to have some fun again
6. Int. Rock Club.
Emma is in the crowd next to Craig and is watching with wide eyes, as four girls in their late teens/early 20´s are on stage (who, according to their clearly home made banner, that hangs behind the drummer, are named "Vaginal Belch") and are rocking out like there´s no tomorrow. The bass player is using her head as an extra drum stick and bangs her head against the cymbals, the guitar player looks like she´s pulled her pants and panties down to her ankles and only has her guitar to hide her "nether regions". The lead singer has most of the microphone in her mouth and more looks like she´s trying to eat it, than sing into it. To cap it off, their drummer can best be described as a female version of Animal from "The Muppet Show". You can´t in any way say that it sounds good, but Jane (who´s up in front of the stage with several other punky looking girls, showing their support for their "punk sisters") is clearly loving every moment of it.
We quickly cut down to Craig and Emma.
Emma:
Consider me rocked out for this and the next millennium!
We cut back to the stage where the band finally finishes their song and as a great finale, the bass player does a dive into the drum set, landing on top of the drummer in the process.
Lead Singer:
WE´RE "VAGINAL BELCH" AND IF YOU DON´T LIKE US, YOU CAN KISS OUR ASSES!
They get a modest cheer from the crowd, mostly from Jane and the other punk girls.
We cut back to Emma and Craig, who try to take in what they just saw.
Emma:
That was new!
Craig:
Say what you want about it. I´m pretty sure, I´ll never forget seeing that!
Emma:
I was like a slow moving car crash, that you couldn´t look away from!
Jane comes over to them, looking very sweaty after rocking out. She´s all smiles.
Jane:
Screw the Spice Girls! That was real girl power!
Emma:
Along with what I´m sure is an unhealthy amount of social diseases!
Craig:
If those girls don´t watch out, they could fall in with the wrong crowd!
Jane laughs and wipes the sweat from her forehead.
Jane:
Whatever, mom and dad! I need to replenish some liquids before Spittle go on.
Emma:
Please tell me that they have actual songs?
Jane:
It depends on how you define a song.
Jane leaves them and gets in line to get a drink. They smile nervously at each other.
Craig:
Part of me wants to leave, but at the same time, I know that I´ll regret it for the rest of my life, if I do.
Emma:
It´s nice spending time with you like this. We´ve never done that before, if it wasn´t to talk about Manny or Sean.
Craig:
It sort of makes sense, though. With you being Manny´s BFF and me and Sean being buddies.
Emma:
Is what you´re saying, that you´ve been avoiding talking to me alone like this out of fear, that we´ll get busy?
He gets a little shy and she smiles at him.
Craig:
It´s not unthinkable. I´m a guy, you´re a girl and we´re victims to our raging hormones, like everyone else our age is.
Emma:
What makes you think, I´d want to?
Craig:
It´s just a feeling. Am I wrong?
She doesn´t answer him and stares at the floor.
Emma:
Oh, look! Nine different colors of dried up gum on one square foot! That has to be a record!
Craig:
It´s fine, if you do, Emma. I can´t say that it hasn´t crossed my mind, more than a time or two.
She looks up at him and still doesn´t answer him, but her shy smile tells him everything he needs to know.
7. Int. Restaurant Back Room. Evening.
A table has been set up in what is clearly an exclusive back room for a romantic dinner. Marco is looking over the menu, while Earl waits for him to make up his mind.
Marco:
Everything is insanely expensive!
Earl:
I recommend the T-Bone, if you haven´t been here before.
Marco:
It´s 120 dollars.
Earl:
Don´t worry. Since it´s our first date, you can have what you want.
Marco:
I´ll take your word for it. It´s sure to be better, than what I usually eat for dinner.
He puts the menu away and takes a sip from his glass of wine.
Earl:
We should get the business part out of the way.
Marco nods and looks relieved, that Earl brought it up.
Earl:
Let´s clear about one thing. You´re nothing special to me. I´ve been with several handsome men, many of whom were much better looking and far more interesting than you. The only reason why I won´t use male prostitutes, is because of the risk of getting diseases. I´m not ashamed to admit, that the thought of getting AIDS scares the heck out of me.
Marco:
You don´t believe in romantic love?
Earl:
I´m sure that it happens, it just hasn´t happened to me. This has nothing to do with love, however. Are you familiar with the term "Quid Pro Quo"?
Marco:
Something for something.
Earl:
Rub me the right way and I´ll personally make sure, that you feel plenty rewarded. If you don´t, I´ll move on to someone else. Understood?
Marco takes a few moments to consider it before nodding.
Marco:
Understood.
Earl:
Let´s get the waiter back in here. You´ll love that T-Bone!
From the look on Marco´s face, he isn´t sure that he didn´t just make a deal with the devil himself.
8. Int. Rock Club. Evening.
"Spittle" are rocking out on stage and they´re about at the same level of musicianship as their warm up band was. Their guitarist and bass player head butt each other in some sort of punk macho ritual, while the lead singer holds the microphone down in front of his crotch and strokes it, as if he was masturbating. The drummer is naked, except for a sock with a ball with it on his junk, that he uses as an extra drum stick in what can only be described as an absurd gimmick (that I actually saw used by a Japanese Punk band called "Electric Eel Shock" in real life!).
We cut down to Emma, Craig and Jane, who all find it very entertaining, even if it musically is the absolute pits. Emma and Craig stand very close to each other and he sneaks his way to putting his arm around her. She clearly doesn´t mind though and Jane smiles to herself, when she sees it.
Craig (to Emma):
I hate to miss any of this, but nature calls. Will you wait here for me?
Emma (to Craig):
I´ll try to save your spot.
They smile at each other and it´s clear to see, that there´s some sparks flying in a figurative sense, as she watches him walk away from her, before turning her attention back to the stage.
Jane:
I saw that!
Emma:
It´s not that I´m not feeling like it, but we can´t.
Jane:
You´re both single and almost the same age, so why not?
Emma:
Sean would hate it, for one thing. I can only imagine how weird it would be for Manny.
Jane:
They don´t need to know, especially if it´s a one night stand. He has his own place, where you could go after the show.
Emma starts to seriously consider it, as Craig comes back.
Craig (to Emma):
I had enough respect for my own health, not to go in there!
Emma leans in to whisper something to Craig, that is clearly very pleasing to his ear. Jane smiles knowingly to herself, as she turns her attention back to the "concert".
9. Int. Car. Evening.
Marco is being driven home by Earl and is looking in better spirits.
Marco:
Tonight was actually alright. I don´t know what I was afraid of.
Earl:
The first date is more of a trial night. People lie all the time on the internet.
Marco:
I´m free again next Friday, if you want to try it again.
Earl pulls over to the side of the road and takes his seatbelt off. Marco starts to get a bit worried.
Earl:
Next time, I expect to start getting more for my money.
Marco:
As in?
Earl takes his hand and places it on his own crotch.
Earl:
Do you feel how hard it is?
Marco:
Yeah?
Earl:
It´s nothing compared to how hard it will be next week, when you feel it without these pants on.
Marco gets scared and pulls his hand away. He starts to undo his seatbelt.
Marco:
This is crossing a line!
He gets out of the car, but Earl follows after him.
10. Ext. Road. Evening.
They´re clearly somewhere that is very sparsely populated and Marco is starting to wish, that he hadn´t come, as Earl follows after him.
Earl:
Grow up, Marco! Are you gonna be a scared kid all your life, or are you ready to become a man?
Marco stops walking seeing how futile it would be.
Marco:
It´s not that easy!
Earl:
You´re holding back because in the back of your head, there´s always that thought. "What would my parents think, if they knew that I was doing this".
Marco looks him in the eyes in surprise.
Earl:
I was the same way. I even married two women and had children with them, to hide who I was. If you´re wondering, both my parents went to their graves not knowing. It wasn´t until after they died, that I allowed myself to start living, like I wanted to.
Marco:
Did it go away when they died?
Earl:
Strangely, it did. I only wish that I´d had the guts not to wait until half of my life was over, until I started living on my terms. Sex can be scary for anyone, before they try it. Which is why I´m going to lean you into it gently.
He pulls out his wallet and takes a hundred dollars out. He hands it to Marco, who tries to take it, but he pulls it away it the last moment.
Earl:
It´s yours for a kiss. That is one of the things, you´ve tried before, right?
Marco:
It´s okay, I guess.
Earl grabs him and pulls him in for a kiss, that he clearly enjoys more than Marco does. While still kissing, he puts the money in Marco´s hand and Marco quickly puts it in his own pocket.
11. Ext. Rock Club. Evening.
Emma and Jane hug goodbye, as Jane gets ready to get into a taxi.
Emma:
I´ll stop by the Dot tomorrow.
Jane:
In that case you´ll be talking to Peter. I plan on spending the whole day with Johnny.
Craig:
If Sean or Manny ask ...
Jane:
Craig, I wasn´t born yesterday. Have fun and try not to get pregnant. I know that´s an issue with you guys!
She gets in the taxi and it soon drives off, leaving Craig and Emma alone.
Craig:
My place?
Emma:
Before we go, let´s be clear on something. This is only for tonight and we never tell anyone.
Craig:
You can have it any way, you want.
He offers her his hand and she takes it.
12. Int. Kitchen. Morning.
Spike and Snake are getting Jack ready to leave, when a cheerful looking Emma comes into the kitchen, whistling Stevie Wonder´s "Part Time Lover" to herself.
Emma:
Good morning, everyone! Are you off to grandma and grandpa´s?
Snake:
Before long, we are. You look in a better mood than usual.
Emma:
Today is a day where I want to think happy thoughts and pretend like everything is right in the world!
Spike and Snake smile knowingly at each other.
Spike:
Who is he and when can we meet him?
Emma:
Is it that obvious?
Snake:
Very.
Emma:
You´ve already met him, but I´m not sure if it´s going to evolve into anything. Even if doesn´t, we still had a fun evening together and I seriously needed that!
Spike:
Good for you, Honey. I won´t ask again.
The doorbell rings and Emma looks out the window to see Manny standing out there, looking a little nervous.
13. Ext. Spike and Snake´s House. Day.
Emma opens the door and comes outside to join her old friend.
Emma:
Did something happen?
Manny:
Something did. I realized, that I can´t live without you anymore!
Emma tries not to smile, but has to give in.
Manny:
Look, I know that it´s weird with what happened or could have happened or whatever, but I miss you and so does JT. We´re both willing to do whatever it takes, if it helps us get past this. Short of a threesome, which JT slyly tried to suggest, but is never going to happen!
Emma finally has to laugh and so does Manny. It eases the tension a lot.
Manny:
What do you say, Emma? Will you be my friend again?
Emma:
Of course, I will! Come here!
They give each other a huge hug, as the rest of the family come out from the house.
Spike:
I think that I speak for all of us, when I say thank God, that´s over!
Snake:
Have a nice Saturday, girls.
They head down towards the car. Manny and Emma look overjoyed to be reconciled again.
Emma:
I don´t know if the JT thing is even going to be an issue anymore.
Manny:
Is there someone else? Nothing would make me happier, than if there were!
Emma:
Are you saying that you would be okay with it being anyone else, as long as it isn´t JT?
Manny:
Absolutely! You can have your pick of any other guy on earth, or in the entire universe, for that matter! If you find yourself a cutie on Saturn, don´t hesitate to go after him, Em!
Emma smiles to herself, happy that things worked out between her and Manny, but still not sure than Manny would actually accept her and Craig as a couple.
CLOSING CREDITS
THIS EPISODE WAS SURE TO BE DIVISIVE, SO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK IN THE COMMENTS. ARE YOU STILL "TEAM SEMMA" ALL THE WAY, OR COULD YOU SEE YOURSELF JOINING "TEAM CRAMMA"? I´D ALSO LOVE TO HEAR WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF MARCO´S STORY, SINCE I WAS ON THE FENCE OVER WHETHER IT WOULD BE TOO "HARDCORE" FOR A DEGRASSI SERIES. EITHER WAY, I WISH YOU ALL A GREAT WEEKEND!