Who I Am - Lightning99
Chapter 2:
Tragedy
"Hi," Ash said, feeling awkward for breaking the strange silence. "What're you all doing here?"
Nobody offered him a reply. They looked between each other, then at Professor Oak, who nodded and strode forward between the group, who had their heads tilted toward the floor.
Serena's delicate fingers fiddling with her skirt attracted Ash's attention. It was a tell of hers, something she did whenever she was nervous. That was one of many things Ash had learned about her over their journey. Another was that she lowered her head whenever she felt ashamed or embarrassed to avoid eye contact because she was a poor liar.
Ash's heart quickened, then, as worry started rising in him. Something was very wrong.
But as soon as he faced Serena, Ash's heart seemed to soften. After all, she was his weakness.
"Serena… Why aren't you in Hoenn?" Ash asked.
"Ash, whatever is—" Serena started – Ash noticed her eyes glistened with worry – until the mystery boy nudged her in the back, and her eyes faded to blankness. Ash frowned and glared into the boy's blue-grey eyes. His desire to protect her was another quality forged over their time acquainted. And that only served to strengthen his love for her.
"A-Ash. You're home early…" Professor Oak said, clearing his throat. He swept forward again, meeting Ash at arms' length, his TV-famous voice completely vacant of its chipper lilt. "A week early."
"Professor, what's going on here?" Ash repeated.
"I took it upon myself to gather your friends to welcome you home from your Kalos journey," Oak said, crossing his arms. There was a smile on his face, but it looked forced, perhaps even rehearsed, done so many times it became a tedious habit.
"Pika…" Pikachu mumbled. He's lying.
Pikachu was right. Ash had known Professor Oak since he was a child, and never had he seen him so stern, so awkward. His personality was carefree and charming. He'd never lied to him before, so it was easy to tell when he was. That wasn't the genial reunion Professor Oak was suggesting – especially with the absence of his closest friends, Brock and Gary. Everything felt wrong. Pikachu noticed it too. He leapt down onto all fours, his cheeks sparking as if verging on releasing a warning jolt at Oak's side.
"Thanks, Professor, and all of you for showing up," Ash said, choosing to adopt the ruse. If Oak believed he was still the naïve child he left as he might let his guard down and unknowingly unveil his intentions
"Hmm, not a problem, Ash. Now–"
"Hey, where's Brock? I need to talk to him." Ash didn't look around for him. He stared right at Oak, unblinking, trying his best to notice a sign he was lying.
"Ah, you see, a few of your friends decided not to come."
"Really? That doesn't seem like something Brock would do."
"Well, he was very busy with work," Oak said, his brow twitching.
Ash frowned exaggeratedly.
"Weird… Brock always says he will make time for me."
"Yes, well–"
"And the others? Like Gary?"
"They wouldn't comply—" Professor Oak stopped, and Ash caught how his face scrunched momentarily.
"Comply? You make it sound like you forced them to come here!" Ash said jokily, but the intent wasn't humorous. Neither was the hard stare he zoomed on the visibly worried Professor.
Quickly peeking around him, Ash noticed his comment made others uncomfortable too – especially Clemont. He fidgeted more than before, moving his feet, twisting his hands, hunching his shoulders, looking shiftily side-to-side. He was hiding something, just like Serena.
Misty groaned impatiently, "Professor, just get on with it! Don't drag it out."
"Get on with what?" Ash asked, feeling even more confused. Had he missed something?
"Now, Ash, we've known each other for a long time – all your life to be exact. You know I am like a second father to you, so when I say this, I don't want you to take it the wrong—"
"You're not–"
Misty intervened again, "Oh for – Ash, what the Professor is trying to say is that we all think you should give up on your dream of becoming a 'Pokémon Master'! You've failed so many times already. Just come home!"
Ash stopped breathing – he bizarrely felt Pikachu do the same. His heart dulled in his chest, the bliss he felt being back home suddenly deflating into emptiness. He hadn't expected that. He had thought it would be something sad or displeasing given their suspiciousness, but not something so demoralising, so questioning of his life choices. Was his naivety still the same after all?
"W-What?" Ash breathed.
It appeared as if the foreign feebleness in Ash's voice was the fuel his friends needed to further Misty's statement. The lifeless shells they had been suddenly humanised and a messy barrage of insults and Pokémon cries overlapping one another blared across the silent fields. The incomprehensible words jumbled together like the rallying of a mob, but Ash heard everything, no matter how much he wished he didn't.
Drew swaggered forwards first, only a few steps, his hand flicking the curl of his green hair.
"Yeah, man. You've been trying for what, six years now? Surely those failures have gotta tell ya something," he said. "Just give up."
"Yeah, Ash," May continued, bouncing behind Drew and hugging his shoulders, "we've made names for ourselves in the coordinating world while all you've been doing is losing. You're not good enough."
"Face it, Ash. You're still a little kid – nothing like me and my dragon types," Iris said. She swept her hair flamboyantly, crouching to pet Ash's Gible. It looked to Ash as if she were claiming him as her own.
Max, now a pre-teen, snootily thumbed his glasses and flicked his thumb and index finger at Ash. "My knowledge of Pokémon equates to double or triple yours. Surely, you'll give me your Pokémon to try my hand at the league too, won't you?"
"I'm just here 'cause I'm salty a little wimp like you beat me. The calibre of trainers that fought in the Unova League last year was high, and I was outed by a freaking Pikachu. Seriously, did you give him Rare Candies or something? That's the only way an awful trainer like you could beat me. Although, you do have some pretty interesting Pokémon here. How about you give me your Torterra? He'll have a real trainer then," Trip announced next.
Zoey shouted with a bellowing voice that Ash was a failure. Tracey belittled him by declaring his achievements in comparison. Cilan voiced his disappointment in how Ash's ability hadn't grown from the moment they parted. Amidst the heartache, Ash saw what was happening. The way they were talking, their actions; they were trying to get him to believe what they were saying. They wanted him to give everything up willingly.
"You see, Ash," Oak resumed, the monotonous sound of his voice dragging Ash from his realisation. "After your disappointing loss in the Kalos League despite having a unique Pokémon that was undoubtedly the strongest in the competition, we believe you should branch out, put your talents to use in another field of work. After all, you're a disgrace to Pokémon Trainers."
A disgrace.
Ash didn't register when they continued slandering him, each deceitful 'friend' having something to contribute except the evasive Kalos crew who concealed themselves in the others' moonlit shadows, listening. He couldn't ignore Oak's final words or how their taunting reverberated in his head, each remark ripping deeper and deeper into his heart with the slow, agonising sensation of sandpaper. All he could do was stare while his heart cracked. But his friend's words weren't the most torturous: his Pokémon's were.
Naturally, to everyone else, his Pokémon's cries were just that: Krookodile's roar was a roar, Donphan's snort was a snort. But to Ash, they were severe rebukes that caused his heart to ache like the dull pain of being jabbed with a blunt blade. They told him to give up and stop wasting his life and that he'd neglected them and ruined their lives. Hearing such fatal criticism from the Pokémon he'd raised by hand, as his partners and friends, was devastating. He'd thought his new ability enabling him to understand them was a gift, but now, it seemed like a curse.
A punching bag for their comments, Ash found it hard to muster any words that were loud enough to reach anybody. The constant derision overpowered and interrupted his meekness. When his cracking voice allowed some words loud enough to be noticed, he looked pointedly at Serena, who shied away from his life-lost eyes.
"Do you – Do you all think that?"
"Indeed, Ash," Oak interrupted. "All your friends and Pokémon believe that you should give up."
"And try your hand at something else," Cilan added. Ash wondered if that was supposed to make him feel better.
"W-What about Brock and Gary… Dawn, Barry, Paul? Infernape, Heracross, Staraptor, Sceptile, Torterra, Charizard…." Ash's desperation, the need to know their betrayal wasn't real, came out the only way he could think – rambling. If he just kept talking, maybe he could convince himself it wasn't real.
"They were mere inconveniences. They wouldn't see the truth – that you are not qualified to bring your 'dream' to fruition," Oak said.
Ash ignored him, turning to Clemont with pleading eyes. He couldn't comprehend how Clemont, Bonnie, and Serena had reformed their godly opinion of him so quickly and effortlessly. "Clemont, please… We were like brothers a few days ago…"
"I-I'm sorry, Ash." He and Bonnie turned their backs, sealing their disloyalty, and Ash's sanity cracked more. He missed the remorse in Clemont's voice.
Finally, Ash faced Serena, his blood running cold, and he hated himself for asking the following questions, but he needed to confirm it.
"Serena… Do – Do you think the same? Did that kiss mean anything to you?"
Serena's blue eyes widened, quickly brimming with tears again. "Ash, of course—" She hesitated, looking down again, eyes fading away again, "n-not. It was just a kiss goodbye. That's all. It didn't mean anything. I've–I've moved on with Calem – my boyfriend…."
In an instant, the blissful squeeze seeing Serena again had given his heart, and the mere thought of her transformed into a deep, dull ache through his body. He felt winded, disoriented, and suffocated as if his heart had decimated into fragments, and the pieces burst his lungs. And her lovely voice, still trying to talk to him, felt like a barrage of punches. He couldn't be around her anymore: he had to escape.
The reverie Ash had immersed himself in made Oak's next words sound a mile away.
"Ash, as your current father figure, I'm demanding that you give up on this foolish quest! Your Pokémon agree, so what use is there in protesting? We'll take them off your hands if you keep trying to follow this dream."
"You're not my father!" Ash bellowed, the strain in his voice so emotional that tears crystallised in his eyes. Everybody flinched. He couldn't tell whether because of the outburst or the pain steering his voice. They didn't know, and Ash couldn't blame them since he had only told Brock, but the stimuli were too much. He couldn't handle their words anymore, and Oak declaring himself his father figure was the prick in the balloon, bursting the feeble blockade Ash restrained his emotions behind.
"If you were, you wouldn't tell me to give up. You'd support me and help me! Do you know one of the reasons my dream is what it is?! Because as a kid, I used to go to Pallet Town's park to play, but I'd sit alone watching my classmates playing with their fathers, having fun, and being loved by them! I've never had that!
"So, I begged my mum to tell me about my father one day. She told me he's an amazing, loving man who can't be with us for some reason. She told me that he's a Pokémon Master, and if I can become one, I can meet him! That's the only thing I have in my entire life that connects me to my father, the only way I can meet him! It's not the only reason for my dream, but that's a foolish goal to you?! You're telling me my desire to meet the man my mother loves - the man I want to love – is foolish?!"
Ash panted, somehow feeling something akin to relief after unleashing that. He looked around: Serena and Bonnie were silently in tears, Clemont stared downwards shamefully, Professor Oak looked startled, and everyone else stood speechless. Pikachu, the only one who understood, whose cheeks sparked threateningly with rampant lightning, was crying, just as Ash was.
"Professor just – just give me my loyal Pokémon, and I'll leave," Ash said.
"No," Oak had the gall to reply, though his voice sounded chocked, "they're safe in the lab–"
"Shut up!" Ash wiped his eyes with his sleeve, "Move! I won't hesitate to give Pikachu the command! I'm sure he'd love to get at you all!"
"Pikachu!"
"After everything that we've done for you people!" Ash said, shaking his head. "You, of all people, know how powerful Pikachu can be! Now—"
Ash didn't get to finish. A sudden, deafening sound of shattering glass boomed across the sky, silencing him. When Ash looked up, the sky had ominously lost all its stars and the moon beautifying it. Complete darkness enveloped everything. Suddenly, Ash could hardly see the traitors standing two steps away.
Like the blip of a TV switching on, a kaleidoscopic cylinder appeared, embedding itself in the blackout sky like the sprawling roots of a tree, something entirely otherworldly. Glancing at the phenomenon was the last thing Ash did before chaos disabled his rationality.
A familiar purple laser materialised from an apparent nothingness in the sky and plummeted into the centre of the group, falling faster and more destructive than a meteorite. The Hyper Beam tore the ground apart, ripping up boulder-sized clumps of dirt and grass, embedding a deep crater into the field. The shockwave from the blast hurled everyone across the plain, scattering them effortlessly into the air.
Ash was caught directly in the attack, and it blasted him backwards; he instinctively caught Pikachu before clattering to the ground at least ten metres away. A storm of indiscriminate attacks followed, each savage ray wrecking the terrain into divots and splintering the fencing, tainting the perfectly-green-grass red.
Another blast almost hit Ash, landing a millimetre away, launching him from point-blank into the glass doorway of the lab. He shattered through it, an agonising tear ripping into his side. He screamed and collapsed to the ground after harshly colliding with a pillar. A third Hyper Beam crashed into the roof, and the steel collapsed on top of them. Thanks to a crooked steel beam halting the roof, they were spared fatalities but were trapped in a tiny pocket of space.
Ash was dazed. For a moment, nothing he thought was coherent or meaningful. He only felt fresh cuts slowly pealing open and aches everywhere that would undoubtedly bruise. Whatever chaos was happening outside – the screams, harrowing cracking sounds he knew were bones breaking, and the repeated explosions – clobbered his head until it ached even more, but the only sensical thought he had told him to escape.
Ash tried to move, coughing and blinking when rotten dust flurried into his mouth, nose, and eyes, but his sore muscles blazed, his body tensing in brief paralysis. He groaned and tried again. His back grazed the steel above him, and he fell at the sudden sting of the cold metal.
Realising getting up was impossible, Ash took a moment to collect himself with a calmness only attained by experiencing similar situations. It had become an instinct for him, so he knew that he was safe from further harm while trapped under the rubble unless it caved in.
Ash examined Pikachu first for any injuries and then checked himself for the severity of his. Aside from his unconsciousness, Pikachu seemed fine to Ash's relief – he was glad he was able to protect him, no matter how hurt he was. Cradling the electric mouse close to his chest, Ash rolled over to face the rubble above him, a difficult task in such a confined space.
Pushing hard on the rubble proved pointless. It didn't budge, or rather, Ash didn't have the strength to move it, whether mental or physical. Whatever the cause, he felt drained. Feeling defeated, Ash slumped, panted, and shut his eyes, trying to regain some energy.
Outside, things hadn't calmed down. The mayhem and an overpowering scent of blood invaded Ash's senses. Blindly, Ash hoped Serena was okay. He couldn't help it: he loved her too much.
Reality quickly rushed back to him as his heart ached upon remembering her words, dislodging his memory from the temporary blockade created by shock. His heartbreak revived, bringing with it his desire to escape. Serena revived his desire to escape. It was always Serena.
Craning his neck and opening his eyes, Ash saw a blurry world. The pain was finally beginning to overpower his adrenaline. He knew he had to escape quickly.
Exhibiting a determination that he had forgotten he had, straining his muscles, Ash pushed on the rubble again, inching it upwards a few centimetres. His efforts allowed him enough room to wriggle free.
After shimmying out just in time for his arms to fail, Ash fell to the ground. Looking up to get his bearings, he deduced some red, spherical objects scattered atop a nearby table.
Using the last of his energy, Ash shuffled over, grabbed the leg of the small table, and pulled. It fell, littering the contents over the floor – the Pokéballs rolled across the room, and several glasses smashed, but Ash didn't care.
Crawling to and gathering the Pokéballs – his obscured vision caused him to miss them a few times, and he only picked up four of the six – Ash tossed one as forcefully as he could into the air. When the Pokémon appeared, his flaming mane was unmistakable.
"Infernape," Ash breathed, "lead us outta here!"
The loyal Pokémon cried and bounded over to Ash, looping his trainer's frail arm over his shoulder. They exited the lab, and Ash's heart died even more. Pallet Town's beauty was gone; the houses were scattered chunks of rubble now, edged with walls of fire; the paths were cracked and upturned, and people ran in a panic. It was a war zone.
Wanting to help, Ash slipped from under Infernape's arm but tumbled down Oak's hill. He didn't notice his hat disappear from his head, blowing into the frenzy. Ash stilled at the bottom of the hill. He looked up at the sky and saw a purple light block another looming Hyper Beam before he lost consciousness.
Ash's world re-focused in Viridian Forest. The chaos was gone now, the forest's silence around him somehow overpowering. It hadn't been like that when he'd arrived. The first glimmer of morning light appeared through a gap in the trees. How long had he been out?
"Pikachu!" Pikachu shouted. Ash painfully looked at his partner, then at Infernape.
"Hey guys," he said weakly, "we got out?" Infernape nodded. "Awesome… What do we do now?"
"Pika…"
"Yeah, we can't go back," Ash agreed, his mind hazy to the events because of his exhaustion.
"Infernape! Nape!"
"Viridian Airport? Yeah. We should leave. Good idea."
Ash stumbled to his feet using Infernape's arm as a crutch; Pikachu supported his legs as best he could. He headed for Viridian with an impulsive plan set.
The journey was long and painful. Through the winding paths and the vacant long-grass, Ash arrived in Viridian in double or triple the time he'd run the forest earlier.
People stared at Ash as he trudged through the Airport door, but he didn't care. Reaching the desk, he asked for a ticket to the furthest region from Kanto in a sentence interrupted by coughing and heaving. The woman asked about his condition, but he told her he just wanted to leave; he almost begged her for the ticket.
Ash collapsed into a hard but somehow comfortable plane seat twenty minutes later. Blanketed in dust and ash and marred with cuts, he looked like a mess, but his only care was for sleep.
As the plane lifted off and his eyelids closed, Ash thought one thing:
I'm sorry, Mum.