Who I Am - Lightning99
Chapter 20:
Ash and Lillie's Secrets
Lillie awoke the morning the trio arrived on Melemele to a tickling sight she had never anticipated awakening to; Ash sprawled across the adjacent bed with Pikachu laying across his chest, the crumpled blanket discarded halfway over the edge, his arms lolled crookedly beside his head. Lillie giggled quietly to herself, observing and admiring Ash's state for a few moments.
In truth, Lillie was both nervous and thrilled at the prospect of sharing the room with Ash for their tenure at the hotel. The presence of another person made the room feel less lonely, less like that white mansion from her childhood. Lillie felt a lot safer knowing Ash was only a few metres away, even though she had just as hard a time getting to sleep last night. However, instead of lying there with insomnia enforced by terror, worrying about the possible hardships the next day could bring as she had done every night until three months ago, Lillie had been restless for a completely different reason. She had lain awake nervously contemplating the new arrangement.
What would she and Ash talk about? Would they become even closer friends? Would she get annoyed by any strange habits Ash had, like snoring as deafeningly as a Loudred, causing them to become more estranged? How far would they get with her fear of Pokémon?
On the outside, Lillie tried to remain poised, but on the inside, a plume of warmth and worry blossomed in her chest. Seeing Ash now, however, in such a carefree state, was a deterrent for her worry. Knowing he was likely in a similar situation to her made her feel more comfortable.
Lillie sat up and drew across her sheets, grinning like a Bellossom. The morning was bright through the satin curtains; it looked like it was going to be a great day. But, as Lillie made to slip out of bed, her gaze fell upon her bare lower legs, the area she usually covered with her knee-high socks. More specifically, she eyed the two little marks marring her snowy white skin. They were her scars, her secret, the past she did not want the others knowing about.
Lillie's emotions did a reversal; her eyes morphed into frightened voids and were quickly fringed by tears, and her bottom lip began to quiver. Seeing her scars reminded her of the hardest time of her life, what her life had been three months prior. They reminded her of her other scars, the three little marks on her stomach. Lillie hated them and the stories they told.
When Ash stirred across the room, groaning tiredly, Lillie panicked. She couldn't let Ash see her in that state. Lillie grabbed her clothes and dashed into the bathroom, hurriedly locking the door behind her.
Hoping Ash didn't see anything, Lillie quickly started the shower and soon stood despondently under the steaming stream of water, letting it drench the top of her head and soak her long, shining tresses, and trickle like lines of fire across her back. Lillie stared at herself, at the marks engraved on her belly, and she didn't realise when she started crying. A depressive hysteria gripped her, bound her heart, made her breathless. She sobbed and gasped, trying to keep herself quiet or else Ash would definitely hear her breakdown.
Lillie's greatest desire was to be more confident. Despite the scars, despite her shyness. But, whenever she saw the scars, she saw the glowing purple eyes again, the transparent bubble-head quivering, the explosions, the shrapnel cutting towards her body. She flashed back to the time before she escaped.
To abate her hysteria before Ash realised, Lillie held on to that notion. She had escaped. It was over now. But she couldn't forget about it. When she felt the water trickle across and warm her belly, she wished desperately that it would wash away the marks.
By the time Lillie exited the shower, her skin had a rosy sheen from the heat, but the red on her cheeks and around her eyes was the result of her crying.
She stepped out of the bathroom, her scars covered once again and saw that Ash was no longer in the room. His bed was not tidied but messed further by his pyjama vest and shorts tossed randomly, and the balcony door was open. Lillie stepped out onto the balcony and gazed across the ocean, trying to push the reminiscing out of her head.
Ash was outside already, down on the battlefields below: Pikachu and Rockruff were off to the side, sparring, and Litten was watching Ash intensely. What caught Lillie's eye was Ash himself. He was training like a martial artist, punching and kicking outwards against two brown-furred hands with blue fingers; Lillie couldn't see what he was punching beyond the thick bark of a palm tree. She wondered if all Pokémon Trainers trained that way, alongside their Pokémon.
A knock on the door drew Lillie from watching Ash. She opened it to Mallow on the other side, grinning at her.
"Morning Lillie!" Mallow greeted, waving at her friend.
"Good morning, Mallow," Lillie replied as politely as she could in her dampened mood.
"Do you want to come shopping with me today? Just the two of us?" Mallow asked. "Kiawe called and said he was helping out on the farm, and Lana wants to spend the day out fishing at Brooklet Hill – it's the best fishing spot in all of Alola, apparently. Ash said he was going to have a look around the island on his own for a good route to train so that just leaves us. What do you say?"
Lillie's eyes opened wide at the grand proposal. Grand to her, at least. She had never been shopping by herself, aside from getting the groceries after she moved into Kukui's house. Mallow had offered before, but then Lillie had raised her voice at them and didn't end up going. Honestly, she couldn't remember a time she had ever picked any clothes out for herself. "I would love to go!" Lillie said. "Just let me dry my hair and get my bag."
"Awesome!" Mallow cried, skipping into the room and leaping onto Ash's messy bed as Lillie sat on hers, plugging in her hairdryer. Lillie hoped that the red around her eyes had faded somewhat. She didn't want Mallow, of all people, to notice.
By the time Lillie was ready, she coaxed Nebby back into the bag – who had been out on the balcony watching Ash – and they left the hotel at around eleven o'clock. Lillie didn't realise how long she had slept in for; she must have stayed up contemplating a while longer than she originally thought.
Mallow babbled joyously their entire walk around town. It was as if she had been replenished with a whole life's worth of cheerfulness and released it all at once. She was a newsreader, gossiping and speculating about Poké-Vision and Serena Yvonne's upload hiatus, new ideas for her cooking, and her excitement for her Trial Captain trial period as if reading from a script she had written in her head. Lillie tried her best to keep up.
Honestly, Lillie was in awe of Mallow. Lillie couldn't take her eyes off the green-haired girl, but not because of Mallow's beautiful ebullience that attracted so many stares from passers-by, boys, and girls alike – Lillie didn't even consider they could be looking at her. It was Mallow's bold outfit for the day, of which she timidly admired from side-ways glances: a loose cream crop-top with a leaf print paired with royal blue denim shorts and sandals. It was a lot warmer than the previous day, so her outfit was an accommodating choice. What captured Lillie was Mallow's confidence to wear such an outfit. She was somewhat jealous because she knew she would never be that confident. She was much too shy. But also, she had her scars. It wasn't exactly the sight of them that bothered her: it was the memories.
"Oooh!" Mallow cooed in delight as they wandered into a sea-side market. She skipped to a shaded stall, its desk cluttered with merchandise, and picked up a pink hibiscus flower hairpin. "This would look amazing on you, Lillie! It'll give you more colour!" Mallow reached across and pinned it to the corner of her hair.
"Y-You think so?" Lillie delicately touched the hairpin, surprised at the choice. Lillie would never have chosen such a thing herself.
"Absolutely!" Mallow vigorously nodded her head up and down. "Ooh, look at these earrings!" Mallow picked up some cherry earrings and put them on, flicking her hair aside.
"They suit you, I think," Lillie complimented. Although, she thought Mallow would probably look amazing in anything.
"Oooh! Look over there! That might suit your whole snowy theme even better!" Mallow said and started skipping through the market.
"Miss! You've gotta pay for those first!"
"Oh, right!" Mallow said, scurrying back over, laughing at her ditzy mistake.
Mallow was contagious. By the time they arrived at a third stall, Lillie adopted her excitement, bravely browsing the stalls with Mallow and by herself for the first time. After a thrilling twenty minutes, they exited the small market with a few new acquisitions. Lillie, proud that she had bought them herself, had procured a necklace and the two hairpins Mallow recommended.
They stopped then at a small café fronting the beach at around midday. While waiting for a chilled lemonade and a pancake, Lillie watched the beach-dressed people gambolling or sunbathing on the beach. She watched the people that were confident enough to show their skin.
"We should all go to the beach soon," Mallow said. "I can't believe we haven't been together yet, during the day that is. It must be because of Ash's determination towards the island challenge. He's so busy we can't do anything!" Mallow said light-heartedly, a faux complaint.
"Yes, that would be a fun day," Lillie said, but it was half-hearted. She knew, if they were to go to the beach, she would not be able to enjoy herself properly. Not without getting involved. Not without wearing a swimsuit. Not without showing her scars.
Lillie sighed and looked down at her lap. It was always the same. The days she was extra attentive to her scars and reflected on the past early in the morning were always interspersed with periods of dejection no matter the fun she was having. She always thought of the different things she could do, how much more confident she could be, if her scars didn't evoke her memories, and became increasingly dejected. It was a curse.
"Then I would even have a chance to try and get Ash's attention while in a swimsuit!" Mallow commented almost shyly, something unusual for her. "That's where we'll go next: clothes shopping!"
"You like Ash a lot, don't you?" Lillie asked softly.
"I do," Mallow said with a certain nod. "Lana explained this whole thing last night that I don't know Ash well enough and it got me thinking whether I was just convincing myself I like him because I admire his traits. But I mean, isn't that what a crush is? After talking yesterday, it just confirmed it for me. He's amazing, isn't he? The kindness he shows, his dedication to his goals: I admire him for that."
To that, Lillie could heartily agree. Her feelings may not have reached the stage that Mallow's had, but Ash had certainly changed her life too. "I agree. He is amazing. With him around, I feel like I can be more… outgoing, maybe? I don't know…"
"Right?! I get that feeling too." Mallow agreed.
"O-Oh, come on, you are already outgoing," Lillie said, then sighed. "Listening to all of his adventures and stories from the past, all of the people he has met… It – makes me want to experience something similar. I-I want to see more. I don't want to stay cooped up in one place forever. That's why I'm really happy we came to Akala. It's something new for me," Lillie explained.
"It sounds like Ash is from another world, doesn't it? I really want to be a part of that world. I want to experience everything he has."
Their drinks came then, two sparkling, cylindrical glasses with water beads trickling down the sides.
"If you don't mind me asking," Lillie hesitantly said after taking a sip, "what is it like to have somebody you like? I – umm – I haven't felt anything like it before, so I'm a bit curious what it's like."
Mallow breathed out and stretched. "I want to learn more about him right now, a lot more than before. It makes me incredibly happy, always excited, and honestly, a little bit shy. I'm nervous to even reveal my feelings to him."
"Y-You are?"
"Yep. Surprising, isn't it? I've never thought about anybody the same way before. It's – really blissful. I feel as if my heart is on fire when he's around. I instantly feel happy when he talks to me, I can't help but be overjoyed when he compliments my cooking. I think I'll probably faint from stress when I tell him I like him. I can't imagine doing it!"
The way Mallow described it was beautiful. Suddenly, Lillie wanted to know how she felt. Again, it was a foreign feeling, something she had never felt before, something that seemed from another world, just like Ash seemed so.
When they finished their light snack over friendly chatter, they headed onto the street once again. Mallow led Lillie to a clothes shop.
While Mallow critiqued and chose some outfits, Lillie took her time browsing, in the way a child inspected something new. She was a child in that sense, a child let free for the first time.
By the time Mallow was done, Lillie had picked out a few articles of clothing, nothing too much. They were unlike her usual dresses – t-shirts and jeans – but still quite casual, and they covered everything she needed to.
As Mallow approached, Lillie saw one top that pitted her devil against her angel. It was like Mallow's current top, loose and revealing of her midriff. Some deep desire in Lillie's mind urged her to get it, to be confident, but her other half opposed the very notion as if it were a Muk's Toxic. She didn't think she had the courage to pick it out. But when Mallow saw it, she grabbed it, threw it onto Lillie's stack with a word of confidence that Lillie would look alluring in it, and ushered her into the swimsuit section, much to Lillie's distress. Lillie spotted a bikini she liked the look of, then Mallow asked her size, and brazenly threw that on too. She hastened Lillie to the changing rooms.
When Lillie had tried everything else on and determined they fit well enough – she was overly cautious of the curtain moving while she changed – she reached the dubious top and swimsuit. She didn't try them on. She stashed them straight into her bag and went to the tills with Mallow. Lillie felt mortally embarrassed when the woman picked them out of her bag and scanned them. She left the shop as quickly as possible, too embarrassed to stay.
It was around dusk by the time the girls walked back to the hotel, chatting once again. They placed their bags onto Lillie's bed as Mallow flopped back onto Ash's and stretched herself out, complaining about how tired her feet were. Through the balcony doors, Lillie could see that Ash was still outside. His hair looked like a mess.
"Lillie, thank you for the amazing day out! It was nice to just spend some time with you and talk about things," Mallow said, surprising Lillie completely.
"O-Oh, no, it's nothing to thank me for. Thank you for asking me to join you. I had an amazing day also. I did a lot of things I haven't done before," Lillie said, abashed.
"You've never been shopping before?!" Mallow asked, shocked into sitting up.
Lillie shook her head. "My mother bought all of my clothes. It was nice to experience this myself, so thank you, Mallow."
"No problem! We'll have to do it again!" Mallow said with a grin. "That's what friends are for, right?"
"Right! I'm glad to have you as a friend," Lillie happily said.
"Aww, I'm glad to have you as a friend too, Lillie!" Mallow said. She leapt off the bed and grabbed Lillie into a hug.
Mallow stayed for a while after that, making light chatter until Lana briefly poked her head in. A few seconds later, Mallow stepped towards the door. "Thanks again, Lillie! I'm gonna see how Lana's fishing trip went. See you tomorrow!"
"Good night, Mallow," Lillie said, waving at her friend.
When the door clicked behind her, Lillie was left in the quiet on her own, pondering just how great a day she had. It was a day she had imagined having back when she was alone in the mansion, and when she wished she had people she could call friends. Mallow embodied that friend her child-self had wished for.
Lillie glanced towards the bag beside her, the one with her new purchases in. The one with her daring purchases in. Gathering her courage, Lillie very tentatively reached for the bag. Her hands were shaking, but she decided that she had to do it. But then Lillie imagined what she would look like in them, a phantom image, and pulled her hand back. She couldn't do it.
The sudden opening of the door startled Lillie from her contemplative stupor. She turned to see Ash, sweat glistening his face, sharpening his jaw like a sword, and pinching the ends of his hair. His red cheeks made him look even more handsome. A towel was draped around his neck too, and Pikachu rested on his right shoulder, on his back, looking exhausted.
"Hey, Lillie," Ash said, grinning. "Did you have a nice day?"
Lillie smiled back at Ash, "Yes, I did, thank you."
"I'm glad!" Ash said.
"What about you?"
"Yeah, it was pretty good! I trained, went around the city and saw a bunch of things. All of it was great – apart from Team Skull pickpocketing and causing trouble. Stopping them was a bit of a hassle. I even found something for us all to do tomorrow, if you're up for it."
Her bag of clothing forgotten, Lillie said, "I can't wait!"
It was dark in his office save for the glaring light of a single computer monitor. Professor Kukui descended the stairs into the basement, a coffee mug in one hand, a notebook lodged under his other shoulder, a pen behind his ear. He set the coffee onto his placemat, opened his notebook, and slid into his rolling desk chair.
It was late at night, hours after his working day had ended and finally, he could get started on his side project: discovering more about Ash Ketchum. Kukui didn't know why, but he had been keen to start investigating all day, so much so, he made copious misspellings in his lab report. He had to postpone it until tomorrow when he could focus.
First, Kukui logged into the Pokémon Trainer Database, the official website that collated information on every trainer worldwide, available only to individuals of status: Professors, Gym Leaders, Champions, Kahunas. Kukui searched for Ash, and a youthful ten-year-old picture of him appeared. Admiring how drastically – in a positive sense – Ash had changed over the years, Kukui scrolled through the page, scanning.
He stopped on the section listing the Pokémon Leagues and Competitions Ash had entered, denoting his wins and losses. The long list was the first thing to amaze Kukui: The Indigo Plateau Conference, The Silver Conference, The Ever Grande Conference, The Lily of the Valley Conference, The Vertress Conference, and The Lumiose Conference. He didn't expect Ash to have challenged so many Leagues.
Jotting the list into his book and doing some quick maths, that meant Ash had collected forty-eight gym badges in total in six years. He read that Ash was a semi-finalist in Sinnoh's Lily of the Valley conference and the runner-up in last year's Lumiose Conference in Kalos. In disbelief, Kukui worked out that at those times, Ash was thirteen and fifteen, respectively. They were some serious accomplishments for a teenager.
"Incredible…" Kukui muttered. He skimmed over several other competitions Ash had taken part in, feeling a rush of elation when he read Ash was both an Orange League Champion and the Eighth Frontier Brain of the Kanto Battle Frontier. "Jeez Ash, you've been busy!" Kukui commented, folding his arms and whistling, kicking back on his rolling chair.
After writing everything down, Kukui searched for some individual events in a new tab. The first event he watched was the Sinnoh League Ash had taken part in. He watched Ash battle a person named Paul first.
The battle was pure excellence, in Kukui's opinion: both sides battled masterfully, and the obvious, underlying tension heightened the palpable enjoyment. As he watched, he edged forward in his seat, his heart thumping, and he even jumped out of his seat when Infernape won, yelling triumphantly. But what stole Kukui's awe the most was Ash's Infernape itself. It defeated half of the opposing team, and when its eyes turned red, Kukui could sense its power even through the screen. That was no ordinary Infernape. Ash had some insanely powerful Pokémon.
Next, he was floored for two reasons: a Pokémon League competitor named Tobias used both a Darkrai and a Latios in the league, and because Ash's Pikachu took out that Latios, despite the battle being a draw. That should have been impossible: no Pikachu should be that strong.
Eager to witness more, Kukui searched the Kalos League the previous year. The entire tournament flaunted Ash's abilities. His Pikachu battled expertly, and then there was his Greninja's odd transformation. It clicked: that Greninja was the reason Kukui vaguely recognised Ash's name. He had heard stories of a boy with a unique Greninja even that far out in Alola. Seeing them together, Kukui had no words. They were incredible. In his adjudication, the winner, Alain, was lucky to have defeated Ash and Greninja.
Kukui cycled through his League matches for about an hour, watching video after video, seeing Ash's journey through the Leagues as he grew and grew. Some of the moves and tactics Ash used made Kukui replay the scene a few times, jotting the entire thing into his notebook. That was his passion, after all. He was thankful such a magnificent journey was recorded.
As he finished viewing the videos of the Kalos League, he saw a link that caught his eye. 'Lumiose City Disaster Moments After Pokémon League Final'. Curious, Kukui clicked the link and browsed the article. It detailed a tyrannical plot by a person named Lysandre which led to the appearance of a Legendary Pokémon, Zygarde. In one of the pictures, the Kalos Gym Leaders and a group of people were stood in a line. In the centre was a boy with a Greninja and a Pikachu. It was Ash.
At that point, Kukui was like a fanatic desperate for information. He searched for a while about the Kalos crisis, leaving his coffee to go cold and forgotten. All the while, he jotted everything into his notebook.
From that search came something a lot more intriguing. From the article on the crisis, he clicked a link directing him to a page talking about Zygarde, and another link took him to a page concerning all Legendary Pokémon.
According to a group of researchers, there had been a lot more Legendary Pokémon sightings in the last six years. When Kukui read the results table, he literally jumped out of his chair again.
Six years ago, Kanto's statistic for Legendary Pokémon sightings spiked for that year alone. The next year, it was Johto. Then it was Hoenn. Then Sinnoh. Then Unova. Then Kalos. Afterwards, for the years that had a succeeding year, the results dropped to the norm again. Kukui noticed something most people would not have, and that was what made him shocked: the rises in Legendary Pokémon sightings matched the years that Ash had been to each region.
Kukui played detective, albeit a dumbfounded one. He matched the dates of each appearance to the dates of Ash's journey. Printing off maps of each region, Kukui roughly estimated the routes Ash had to follow in order to earn his Gym Badges in the order they were listed on his licence. He was able to deduce that the locations most of the Legendary Pokémon appeared in roughly matched when Ash would have passed each location. Kukui was making wild assumptions, of course, educated ones, but wild, nonetheless.
"Just who are you, Ash?" Kukui asked.
Completely keen on figuring that question out, Kukui removed everything else from his search bar and typed just two words: Ash Ketchum. He pressed enter and his heart stopped. The first link had a harrowing title that could not possibly be true.
Aspiring Pokémon Trainer, Ash Ketchum, found dead after Pallet Town catastrophe.
At that moment, as he read the article with eyes agape and re-checked Ash's Database profile to find the words 'Deceased', Kukui knew he had to contact Hala and explain everything he found out. Then, he needed to see Ash. Immediately.
Ash descended into the foyer of the hotel the next morning feeling ecstatic. Kiawe, Lana, Mallow, and Lillie were all sat around a circular table eating croissants. Ash jogged over and took his seat, quickly wolfing down his breakfast.
"Woah, slow down Ash!" Kiawe commented, laughing. "What's got you so riled up?"
"Well, I saw something yesterday while out in town. I think we should all give it a go," Ash answered.
"Oh? And what might that be?" Lana asked.
"Mantine Surfing!" Ash said.
As Ash had done, Lana stuffed her croissant into her mouth. "Yuf, fetz do rit!" Lana said, slamming her fist into the table and jumping up.
"Alright! I knew you'd be keen, Lana!" Ash said.
"You actually understood that?" Kiawe asked incredulously.
"How about it, guys? Oh, and we can hire a speed-boat for you Lillie since you won't be able to touch the Mantine," Ash said.
"T-Thank you for your consideration, Ash. I would love to come with you," Lillie replied cheerfully.
"I'll come!" Mallow answered. "Oooh, I can't wait!"
Kiawe sighed. "I suppose somebody has to come and make sure you don't get into trouble."
"Don't kid yourself, Kiawe. You wanna come too," Lana said, brushing off his attitude.
"Hmph," Kiawe grunted, turning away to face Ash. "Where do you plan on going on this Mantine voyage?"
"You know that island we can see from our window, Lillie? I found out it's called Treasure Island. It's supposed to be isolated with lots of Pokémon on it and an amazing beach. We can surf over, take a picnic on the boat with Lillie, and spend a day there," Ash explained. "What do you say?" They chorused in agreement, and their plan was set. "Alright!" Ash yelled.