Who I Am - Lightning99

Chapter 60:

The Mysterious Paradise

Ash re-entered the Hokulani Observatory in a new body. Not literally, of course, but the way his shoulders rested a little lower than they had been and the sudden, lax elasticity of his limbs certainly made him feel like a different him – the him, perhaps, of past journeys.

As he realised that, he stopped, pondering one sudden question: why did he feel that way? The only thing he could think to call the feeling was a tremendous relief, but why, when he already knew his friends still cared, was he so relieved to see it in typed form? Did that mean he didn't believe them, that it required direct proof to trust them now? Did it mean his view of them had changed? That he had changed?

Initially, he didn't think so. His evidence was that, at that very moment, the part of his brain unoccupied by the state of his psyche was sending signals to his legs, moving him towards Sophocles to ask him when he could challenge his trial. That being his impulse was typical Ash behaviour.

But as he turned into the hall, having had about a minute longer to ponder the thought, he realised that a desire to train Pokémon didn't necessarily correlate to a healthy mind. Not all the time, at least; he was often able to tell that he was in a good mood by his enthusiasm for training. But, he reminded himself, it's not always black and white. His sudden good mood resulted from a touching revelation, and a pleasant phone call was his mother when his emotions were high. That meant that, on a day-to-day basis, he was a lot tenser. Why did he feel that way?

Then Ash saw his friends again, huddled around some mechanical contraption at the front of the room, and put his thoughts aside.

"Ash," Lillie said, noticing him first. She was standing at the back of the group and had been peeking over Lana's shoulder. The others turned around.

"Everything alright?" Kiawe asked.

"Yeah," Ash said, nodding. "I had a lot of messages to look through. People thinking I'm dead and all that."

When his friends nodded in understanding, Ash wondered when such an unnatural situation had become their normal lives. Molayne, at least, had a normal reaction to the statement.

After calming the older man down, Ash turned to his smaller cousin. "Sophocles."

The small boy looked up at him, tilting his head slightly. "Yes?"

"When will I be able to challenge your trial? I just can't wait!"

Sophocles chuckled and scratched his head, brows creased thoughtfully. "I still need to make some adjustments to my machine. I should be done in four or five days."

"Awesome," Ash said, and, as easy as that, it was decided.

His friends turned back to Sophocles' machine, and Ash could easily pass off his silence and separation as contemplation for his trial. Not that he thought anybody was suspicious, given their interest in the machine, but it was nice to have a cover story just in case. He thought again of his earlier question, which spawned a whole other question: why did he need a cover story in the first place? This was certainly something he could go to his friends with. But, for some reason, he didn't want to.

They lingered for a short while longer in Sophocles' lab, chatting and catching up, and he continued wondering how he might have changed. And he continued thinking about it as everyone except Clemont and Sophocles hopped on the bus again. It rolled down the winding, twisting path to the ground, and before long, they were back in Malie City. But his thoughts had hopped on and off the bus with them, and while Lillie was walking on his left, they were on his right – though they weren't tapping his fingers like Lillie's hand was, swaying near his own as she walked. He wondered if she even realised it. He certainly did.

"What now?" Mallow asked, looking a little lost. Ash was more than thankful when Lillie spoke up first, as unusual as her doing so was.

"Umm. I heard there is a big library here in Malie City. I would like to do some research there," Lillie said, gesturing to her bag. Ash could see Nebby's eyes gleaming through the zip.

Mallow, who claimed Lillie's sense of direction wasn't the greatest, joined her, and they set off towards the library – after Lillie asked anybody else if they wanted to join, of course. Kiawe and Lana wandered off somewhere near the water to train, and Dawn joined them, leaving Ash alone. That didn't bother him; it had, after all, been his intention to find some alone time. He needed to shuffle through his thoughts.

Ash wandered back onto the route they had come from, vaguely guiding himself towards a more tree-covered area.

He hadn't changed; that was what Ash decided as he walked between the trees, looking for a secluded spot to begin training. He had matured. He was the same person as ever; he was just more aware and in tune with himself.

The fact of his increased awareness was the more obvious realisation he came upon. In the past, he had run headlong into any situation, creating strategies and adapting on the fly, and while he did still do that, he was more thoughtful now. He observed, thought, and considered his actions, and that didn't just translate into battling. He was no longer the child who did everything based on an impulse – which was arguably a good thing. Given that hypothesis, his more tense shoulders made a bit more sense.

The more he thought about it, the more he realised his feelings had undergone a similar awakening. During his past journeys, all he knew was excitement, happiness, and sadness: excitement whenever a battle appeared, happiness when he won, and sadness when he lost. But now, it was as if the cloud had drifted away, unveiling all of those deeper feelings he hadn't needed to deal with. Or more accurately, the cloud had been blown away by Oak's plan. It had shown him feelings he hadn't known, but now that he knew them, he couldn't ignore them. Returning to his blind, impulsive state was impossible.

But, most of all, there was that one feeling, simultaneously euphoric and painful, that he forced back behind the cloud for one simple reason: Lillie made him feel that way, and the only other person that had, had been Serena. A part of him knew he had to confront the feeling, but another part was trembling at the thought. For now, he kept it hidden behind the cloud, for that was a matter for a different day.

He had matured, then, Ash told himself as he found a nice spot and began sending out his Pokémon. It wasn't that he mistrusted his friends. He had just matured. But as he gave his team directions, he realised maturing was a change, too. So, he had, in fact, changed.

Sighing, Ash tried to distract himself by training. It worked for a little while. He successfully started Bagon on his mission to learn Dragon Claw and assessed Dartrix's moveset for his next steps. Then he stepped back, observed them working, and messed his hands in his hair, groaning because something about his first conclusion didn't feel right.

Yes, he had matured, but the change he had felt after reading his texts, after talking to his mother, the change he felt even now, had been that of the air being let out of a ball that was pumped past capacity: a huge loss of tension.

By the end of the day, Ash still couldn't figure out why he felt the way he did. He ambled back to the Poké-Center and slept on it, then returned to his training the next day, returning to his thoughts in the same way. He felt something different on the second day: his shoulders weren't as loose anymore.

Maybe, he thought, as he congratulated Bagon on forming the first glow of a Dragon Claw, it was only natural that his unconscious remains a little tense. After all, some mystery organisation was out to get him, Lillie had practically been abused by the Aether Foundation, and these Ultra Wormholes were appearing more frequently. He was the only one who knew the true extent to every aspect of the situation – or near enough since he was sure Looker hadn't explained every detail – so a little caution made sense. With his added maturity, he decided that was it. That was his second conclusion.

By the end of that second day, Bagon could use something resembling Scratch with the Dragon typing, and Torracat's flames were burning hotter than ever. Stufful seemed more eager to fight, too.

His third day of training rolled around. Stufful continued slamming her head into Dartrix in her attempts to learn Take Down. Torracat performed a perfect Swagger, leaving Bagon tottering and headbutting the ground, which was even more proof that scientists' assumptions were inaccurate, as Torracat had learned Fury Swipes before Swagger.

Ash had left the previous day feeling comfortable with his conclusion. But as the afternoon started and Lillie arrived, sitting underneath the shade of a tree as she watched, he started doubting one aspect of that conclusion.

Much of it was true: he had matured, and his caution was natural. They were changes that occurred due to age and his situation, and he knew that the moment his worries about the evil organisations running the world around him were either debunked or confirmed, he would feel more at ease. He would know he was right or wrong rather than have to speculate, to worry. But then he thought of the person he had always been and wondered if he was still the kind boy he hoped he was.

Ash looked at Lillie. She smiled at him, a smile he knew was genuine, a smile he knew was no longer retrained behind the walls of her heart, and he decided to hope, without a hint of arrogance, that he was still that same boy. He wanted to be that person forever because that was who he was.

When yet another day at Aether Paradise ended without a discovery, Brock realised that being a secret agent was even more difficult than Looker's erratic mannerisms portrayed. It was no wonder the man constantly seemed under a powerful Glare.

On the boat ride back to Akala Island, Brock wondered how Ash and co were doing on Ula'Ula Island. Ash, especially, floated around his head.

Ash had clearly grown since they had last seen each other in person, back when they travelled around Sinnoh together. And, after coming to Alola, it was obvious he had grown again in different, more thoughtful ways. His being on that boat, acting as a spy inside the Aether Foundation, was proof enough. It had been Ash's idea, after all.

But Brock could see something unseeable to the eye and definitely unseeable to Ash himself: the scars he held inside. The two most obvious signs were how he leapt into danger and how he had acted after Mallow's confession. He was avoiding love and protecting his friends from danger, two things that he had always done, but for very different reasons. In the past, he had protected his friends out of compassion, but now it seemed like compassion was his secondary reason, while desperation was the main one. In the past, he had avoided love due to obliviousness, but now it seemed like he did it out of pain.

Brock realised he was wrong. Ash didn't have scars inside of him; he still had open wounds.

The Aether Foundation boat docked. Brock stepped off, said thank you and goodbye to the sailor, and walked toward Konikoni City.

So far, Brock could only see one way to help Ash. It would only solve one of his problems, but it was a start. That way was Lillie. He didn't know if it was his fixation on romance or that it was just that obvious that she liked him. Maybe more than liked him. Whatever the depths of her feelings, Brock had to trust that, with her eventual confession, Ash would break out of whatever lock he had subconsciously chained his heart behind after his love for Serena had been so ruthlessly ripped apart.

It seemed, at first, to be a wishful thought, having seen how Ash had responded to Mallow. But that had helped him heal a little in itself, and Brock had to wonder just how strong the chains were because he had seen how Ash acted around Lillie. He had seen how much he helped her and cared about her. So, he knew Ash felt the same way she did. All she needed to do was find the key and open the lock, and that would be one wound on its way to becoming a scar.

The second wound – his desperation to protect his friends – was a little trickier. He was probably the only one who realised what was going on. He was probably the only one who had any speculation about why he was so desperate, too.

But Brock decided to deal with one matter at a time. First, he would wait to see the result of Ash and Lillie's clearly mutual feelings. Then, if he hadn't already fixed it, he would find a way to stitch Ash's second wound.

For now, though, he put the thoughts aside and focused on the woman waving to him and skipping down the street, meeting him halfway to begin their meeting regarding The Aether Foundation, which was in no way a cover for a date.

Brock immediately noticed something strange when he arrived at Aether Paradise for the fourth time that week. He was riding the lift to his designated floor when a group of scientists got on, standing in such a tight triangle that any personal space was non-existent. They probably felt each other's breath as they whispered. The whirring and rattling of the lift were loud enough to conceal their conversation, but Brock did catch one significant word, repeated several times: Ultra.

For the entirety of his morning shift, all Brock could think about was the three scientists. Pokémon moved in and out of the immaculate room in a blur of colours, cries, and injuries, all stitched up on instinct rather than focus – not that his work was any less professional despite his mind's other occupation.

Finally, lunchtime arrived. Brock hurried to eat the food he had brought and then sought out the three scientists. He checked the main cafeteria first, but they weren't there – not that it was easy to spot three specific people in a room of lab coats, glasses, and pretty much the exact same haircuts.

After scouring the few floors he was allowed to access, Brock found the trio in a place he hadn't expected, with a person he had expected even less. They were in the conservation area at the top of the building, chatting in hushed voices to Lusamine, the Aether Foundation President.

Brock ducked back around the tree he had been about to step out from behind. Thankfully, the whispers continued, signalling that they hadn't heard him. He pondered his options. He could leave and be content knowing they were talking about something serious or risk his safety by trying to get closer.

It wasn't a decision.

Thinking quickly, Brock, moving slowly and lightly, slipped between the bars of one of the raised walkways. It was a little more of a drop than he had anticipated, but he landed softly on the grass below, albeit startling a Corsola in the process. He made an apologetic expression and, using his expertise, quickly calmed Corsola down. It waddled away after that, and Brock moved forward, crouched low and keeping close to the foliage around him.

As he approached the conversation, he started to hear pieces, certain words that were a little louder than others because of their pronunciation. It wasn't enough. He moved even closer and then made a reckless decision. He lowered himself almost to the ground and slid underneath the boardwalk, shuffling to where he assumed the group was standing. It worked because the closer he moved, the more easily he could hear their conversation.

"-still don't know why it appeared?" Lusamine's voice asked.

"No, ma'am," a squeaky-sounding male said.

"But we do have good news," a more stoic female voice said. "While our experiments have been unsuccessful in opening an Ultra Wormhole, we have been able to collect and contain the Ultra energy from the last wormhole that appeared."

"Oh?" Lusamine asked, sounding very interested.

"Indeed," the third other person said, and Brock imagined him fiddling with glasses. "Our thinking is that, if we experiment a little more, we can manipulate that lingering energy to open our own wormhole. Of course, the destination will be hard to pinpoint, but opening a wormhole without Cosmog would be an amazing accomplishment."

"My thoughts exactly," Lusamine said.

The conversation fell silent for a moment. Brock wondered what Lusamine was thinking.

"I want more people on the job," Lusamine eventually said. "If we have this chance, if we can open our own wormhole, we don't need to continue our search for Cosmog and that stupid girl. We can finally start the next phase of our plan."

"And that is, President?"

"As I have always said. Finding the Ultra Beasts," Lusamine said.

Lusamine's heels clacking against the metal signalled the end of the conversation. Lusamine gave a few more orders for the scientists, but Brock paid more attention to everything else she had said and attempted to order his thoughts.

The Aether Foundation's objective was to open Ultra Wormholes to find Ultra Beasts. That was the gist of what he understood from their conversation. Why they wanted them, he could only wonder. But it didn't sound good, just as Team Magma and Team Aqua searching for their respective legendries didn't sound good. Finally, his days of information-seeking were showing results.

After he was sure everyone was gone, Brock slid out from the walkway, climbed back onto it, and went about his day as if nothing had happened, all while planning to call Ash when he returned to the mainland.

The end of Ash's fourth day of training saw that Bagon used his first proper attempt at Dragon Claw, Stufful's erratic battling style became slightly more controlled, and Torracat's confidence was noticeably growing, evidenced by how, even against someone as experienced as Infernape, he charged in without hesitation. With only one day of training left, things were progressing well.

Ash fiddled with his Pokégear on his way back that night, the path ahead of him lit by the orange glow of paper lamplight; the patches of it were only a little brighter than a sepia photograph. He was doing something that he should have done several days before: calling Brock to let him know he no longer needed to call the Poké-Center phone.

Brock picked up very quickly.

"Ash? Hello?" Brock's voice asked.

"Yep, it's me," Ash said.

"You have your Pokégear back, then?"

"A friend of Sophocles' fixed it up and gave it back a few days ago."

"I see. It makes sense why you wouldn't pick up at the Poké-Center, then," Brock said.

"Were you trying to contact me?"

"I was. I have something to tell you."

Ash looked up when the warm light around him suddenly became a more artificial white. The Poké-Center was only a few steps away. Ash continued passed it, deciding to take a walk around the City's outskirts – or as close as he could get to them.

"What did you find out?"

"You didn't even think it could be related to Olivia and me, did you?" Brock asked. Ash laughed, and then Brock continued, detailing everything he had heard in the conversation between Lusamine and the scientists. Ash sat down on a fortuitously placed bench at some point, too focused on listening to continue walking.

"They want to open Ultra Wormholes?" Ash asked, even though one particular fact worried him just a little more.

"Seems like it," Brock said. "I don't know."

"So Cosmog can open Ultra Wormholes… Interesting," Ash said. "And it sounds like they're after Cosmog and… a girl…"

"Yeah," Brock muttered. "What should I do?"

"What do you think you should do?" Ash asked.

"Honestly," Brock said, "nothing right now. I don't think knowing they want to open Ultra Wormholes is enough. We need to know why. I need to do more digging."

"Be careful," Ash said. "And I disagree. We should at least let Looker know they want to open Ultra Wormholes."

"Ah, good idea," Brock said. "Did anybody ask any questions about him? I know you only told me about it so I could visit him in your absence."

"Nah, Clemont covered for me, thankfully. But yeah. Contact Looker and let him know, but keep trying to learn more information. That way, we have a safety net if we can't figure some things out or something goes wrong."

"Got it," Brock said. "I'm glad we could talk about this. You're much more thoughtful than you used to be," Brock said.

Ash widened his eyes. After a moment, he asked, "Brock, would you say I've changed?"

"Changed? What do you mean?" Brock asked.

"Changed. When I got my Pokégear back, I had a lot of messages. I felt this huge blast of relief hit me when I read them. It made me wonder why I was so tense, to begin with, and if I had changed as a person. I did a lot of thinking, and I kind of decided that I'm still me, just a bit more cautious because of everything that's happened and everything that is still happening. But do you think I'm still me? Do you think I'm still kind?"

Brock didn't even hesitate. "Absolutely. You're definitely still you and one of the kindest people I know. You've just matured a little bit, and as you say, it's a matter of circumstance. There are still some things you haven't gotten over yet," – Ash cringed at that – "but you'll get there. You're still you, Ash."

Ash smiled, leaning back to look up at the starry sky. "Thank you, Brock."

They fell quiet for a moment. Brock asked if he was still there, but Ash only hummed.

Something about this situation still bothered him. Brock claimed that his caution was a matter of circumstance, which was a relief. But was it natural to be that cautious? Nobody should have to live their life checking their shoulders every so often. It wasn't natural, but it was necessary. Was there, then, a way he could lessen that caution a little bit?

"Ash?" Brock asked.

"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry, I was just thinking."

"What about?"

"A way to feel a little safer, I guess. To lessen the caution that I'm always walking around with."

"Wasn't placing me in the Aether Foundation supposed to do that?"

Ash felt his eyes widen. "That's it! I have an idea. Thank you, Brock."

"Uhh… No problem. What's the idea?" Brock asked.

"I need to get Clemont and Dawn involved in this, too. There's no point keeping them in the dark anymore."

Hallo! I'm back with another chapter!

Honestly, this chapter feels a little different to other ones I have done, and I really don't know why. Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's the fact that I went for a little more introspection. Is that the right word? Eh, maybe my brain is still moving at a thousand miles and hour after writing like 12,000 words in a day. Yeah, that'll need a lot of editing.

Anyways, enough with my ramblings! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Until next time!