A loud noise that sounds like the ringing of a bell wakes everyone up. I listen as the other girls rummage around the room, but don't move the covers from over my face until they're gone. Miss Vanderbelt said she would return, but I wish that she wouldn't and that the other girls wouldn't come back either. For just a second before my eyes opened, I had been hoping this was just a nightmare, but it's not. It's real. I did leave and she didn't come with me...
Now that the whole house is awake it's too loud. My own sadness mixes with the disaster of feelings all the other kids in the building are feeling. In, two, three ,four... Out, two, three, four... I concentrate on my breath like Azar has trained me to and imagine a shield around myself until the door opens. Miss Vanderbelt comes in with a stack of clothes. She puts them on top of the dresser closest to my bed and opens the bottom drawer, packing the clothes inside except for a navy colored dress and a few other things that she lays on the end of my bed.
"Did you sleep well?" she asks. I nod, even though it's a lie. Lying is bad, but if I tell her the truth she might ask why and I can't tell her about all the feelings or what happened with the other girls.
"Put these on and I'll walk you down to breakfast. Hurry up, we're already a little late." She leaves so I can change and I put on new under clothes, the dress and black socks before meeting her in the hall. She looks at me and frowns before going back in the room and coming out with a comb. Instead of handing it to me, she runs it through my hair a few times and wrinkles her nose, not quite satisfied, but out of time. She puts the comb in her pocket and starts heading downstairs. It's been a long time since anyone else combed my hair. She doesn't know who I am though, so I shouldn't be surprised. As long people don't know about him they will hopefully treat me like everyone else. That's what's supposed to happen. I need to pretend it's normal and stop being surprised.
"Did you see where I put your clothes?" she asks.
"Yes," I answer.
"That's where your clothes will always be. Everyone gets a drawer. In the morning when the alarm goes off, put some clean clothes on, preferably ones that match, brush your teeth, comb your hair and then get down to the dining room for breakfast." she says. I nod even though she can't see me. "Breakfast ends at seven-thirty. You're to be in your classroom by ten to eight. You will have class until noon, when you will have lunch and recess. At one you go back to class until three. Then you will have a couple hours of free time until dinner at six. After you're acclimated, we'll get you on the chore roster. Everyone is expected to help out." she says as we get to the first floor. We go down the hall and enter a large room with multiple tables and chairs that are mixed matched and different sizes. One wall is opened up to a kitchen, but a counter full of food divides it from the dining room. At the end nearest the door are stacks of trays and silverware. Miss Vanderbelt leads me to the counter and grabs a tray for me, a fork and a plate. She puts a piece of toast smothered in butter on the plate, a spoonful of scrambled eggs, an apple and at the end of the line she gets a glass of water and hands it to me.
"Eat and meet me at the door when the bell rings at seven-thirty. I'll take you to your class." She leaves me to get sorted on my own and I frown. The other kids are starring and whispering. Their feelings are so loud... In, two, three four... Out, two, three four... Breathe... Just breathe...
I don't want to sit with them, but all the tables look full. My eyes circle the room until I finally find a place to sit. There's one table in the far corner with three empty chairs. I walk over there and once I sit down, I realize why no one else wants to sit here. One of the legs wobbles and shakes every time I move even the tiniest bit, sloshing water out of the glass and onto the table. Some of it lands on my toast too. My stomach hurts and I'm not hungry, but I force myself to eat the food anyway, barley tasting it. At home it was not proper to leave any food on your plate. It was ungrateful and insulting to the land that had provided the food, the people who had grown it, harvested it and those who had cooked it. This is something that can be the same as at home. Maybe if I prove that I can be good here, Azar will see and change her mind. Maybe she'll see that I'm not like him and let me come home. Maybe she'll see too.
When the bell rings I watch the other kids get up and dump their trays in a bin by the door. Once they're gone, I meet Miss Vanderbelt. She hands me a pink binder that's bigger than my head and stuffed full of stuff. On the cover are shiny little pictures of rainbows and unicorns.
"This is for your schoolwork. Paper, pencils and erasers. If you need something else just ask your teacher, but you should be set." She starts walking, so I follow her. Instead of going straight to the classroom she gives me a small tour of the first floor. There's a living room where kids can watch tv after class is over, another bathroom, Mrs. Huntington's office, the dining room and kitchen. By the time she's done showing me all the rooms the bell rings and we head to my classroom. There are three classrooms, one for first to third graders, one for the fourth to sixth graders and the last for seventh to eighth graders. The kids older than that leave to go to school for the day in the outside world.
Miss Vanderbelt opens the door and steps inside. There are thirty desks in the room, but only about twenty-two of them are filled. There's a blackboard on the wall in the front of the room. The woman is writing a math problem on it.
"Class we have a new student," she says, pausing in her writing to turn around. The other kids have already stopped shuffling through their things to look at the door. "I'm Ms. Flores." she looks at me, as if expecting something, but I'm not sure what.
"This is Raven." Miss Vanderbelt says after a moment of silence.
"Please be nice to your new classmate and make her feel welcome." Ms. Flores smiles to the class. "You can take the seat in front of Garfield. Garfield raise your hand." A green boy in the back row raises his hand. I go sit in front of him and Ms. Flores turns back to the blackboard.
"Alright class, today we're going to start on math." The announcement prompts a few groans. I watch the other kids dig in their desks and pull out thick math textbooks. I check my desk and it has one too, so I do the same. "Fourth graders, turn to page three-sixty-five in your books, fifth graders, turn to page two-twenty-three, sixth graders page two-ninety."
I check the cover of my book, but it just says "Math" in big letters. It doesn't tell me what grade it's supposed to be. How do I know which page to turn to? In Azerath children learned based on their ability and effort. Is it the same here? All the girls in my room are here. Is it because they learn the same? But all the kids in this class seem like they are close in age. There isn't anyone really young or much older...
Ms. Flores writes the page numbers on the board. I turn to the first one, but it's just long division, that can't be for my grade, can it? She tells the older students to start reviewing the introduction to the chapter and goes over some long division problems on the board. This is something I already know, so I try the next page number. I already know this too. I go farther into the book and I know that as well, but I don't want to get in trouble... The rules are to stay low and not draw attention to myself. I start on the fifth grade stuff. In the binder are loose sheets of paper and a fabric zipper case of pens and pencils. I start the practice problems. I hear her start to explain to the older students and neither the fifth or sixth graders is doing what I'm doing, so I've made a mistake. I go back to the long division and do all the problems she put on the board.
After she's done going through the sixth grade work she starts walking around. When she gets to my seat she pauses. I'm already done and not sure what to do, so I just put my pencil down and tried to concentrate on shielding the emotions of the other kids.
"How are you doing?" she asks. She takes my papers without asking and looks at them. "Have you done this before?" I nod. "Maybe we can have you do what the fifth graders are doing if you're comfortable enough with the fourth grade concepts. I'll talk to Mrs. Huntington and see if we can schedule a test so we can see what you know and what you don't know." She moves on after that to help the other kids. She collects everyone's assigned practice problems when we're done. Then we move on to "literature" which just means reading and answering questions about the story and studying English grammar points. Also, very easy and boring.
When the bell for lunch rings I follow the other kids back to the dining room. I ignore any looks in my direction. My roommates don't try to talk to me again after last night. In the dining hall there are cheese sandwiches, fruit in a cup full of an orange jiggly blob-like substance and carrot sticks. I take a serving of everything offered and sit at the same wonky table that I did at breakfast. Most of the other kids eat quickly and run off. I get up when I'm done and see through the hall window that they've gone outside to play. Outside is not safe. I go back to the classroom. There's a bookshelf with a random assortment of books in the back of the room. I help myself to one and read until the bell rings. After lunch Ms. Flores teaches us about earth history and then science. When the next bell rings the other kids run off. I get up slowly unsure about what to do until dinner. The other girls might be back in our room and I'm not eager to be around them again after last night... Outside is a no.
I head upstairs to the second floor and walk around a little, but it's just a few bedrooms like mine, another bathroom and a room that looks like a study or an office. I head up to the third floor where my room is. I know the door on the end is the bathroom and the other three doors are bedrooms, but not what the first door is, so I open it. It's a library! Sort of... There are lots of stacks of books and some tables, but other things too. One wall has a bunch of white machines on top of tables. One shelf is full of board games instead of books. Still, there are enough books to keep me busy for a long time. I look through stacks of ceiling to floor shelves and find a couple books before sitting down to read until the dinner bell rings. When it does, I go downstairs and eat a salad, a piece of chicken and a roll as fast as I can before heading back to the library.
After fifteen minutes the door opens. I glance behind me, surprised at first and then sad. I was hoping this would be a quiet safe haven away from the other kids, but it might not be. A boy who's in my class comes in. He has dark hair and a sour expression on his face when he meets my eyes, but he doesn't say anything and I don't sense anything bad. He's calmer than the other kids, but like all of them if I go below the surface there is a deep sadness and plenty of anger too.
He goes over to one of the white machines and turns it on. The screen lights up and he starts pressing buttons on a device in front of it. It's hard to see what he's doing with his back and head in the way, but I try to crane my neck just a little. If he notices my curiosity, he ignores me. I'm too far away to see what he's doing, but whatever those machines do they have his complete focus. I go back to my book. When the big clock over the door says nine-thirty, the door opens again. This time it's Miss Vanderbelt.
"I see you've found the library," she says. "Hello Richard." She looks at the boy and he waves a hand at her without turning around. I glance at the page I'm on and try to remember the number. I wish I had a piece of paper or a bookmark.
"It's time to start getting ready for bed. You too Richard." she says. "It's getting late." He gets up and leaves. I stand up too. She walks me out, but doesn't follow me back to the room. She heads back downstairs. When I get to the room there's a brand-new toothbrush on my pillowcase still in the packaging and a brush. I take both and grab pajamas before heading to the bathroom. The other girls are brushing their teeth and washing their faces. I wait for a free sink and do the same, taking a few minutes to also brush my hair even though it will just get tangled again in my sleep. When I get back to the room the other girls are climbing in their beds. Martha is waiting by the light switch. She backs away from me for some reason, like I might hurt her or something, but I ignore her and go to my bed. She turns out the lights, but doesn't climb into the top bunk.