Happy update day!
I think I am melancholic today. I recently watched this amazing show, Fleabag, and it shook me to my core! SO while I feel like there are a lot of nice things in this chapter, the overall feel, to me, is sad. The hard things to come, the ugly truths, it's all looming near and I wish they could all avoid it. But they can't. But one day they'll have nice things! Enjoy reading and don't watch Fleabag unless you wanna cry your eyes out and be really turned on by the idea of banging a priest HAHA
"Sorry," Penny mumbled when she bumped into Lupin, suddenly realizing how closely she was walking beside him.
He didn't respond, but the side of his mouth upturned in a slight smile. They continued up several more floors, and despite Penny's efforts to leave some distance between them, again and again she found herself magnetized to him, the warmth of his arm pressing against hers until he stopped before an empty classroom and said, "After you," holding it open for her.
It wasn't their classroom, which was now Snape's. The one that held all their memories, memories that had been too painful to reminisce on lately. This room was foreign, one Penny had never ventured in before; removed from the limitations the pain of their past would give it and filled instead with possibilities.
She was still upset and wary of him, but when he hopped onto the desk across from her, hands clasped on the edge at either side, she found it much harder to remain so. She did not need to forgive him, but maybe progress was not the abominable thing she'd tried to convince herself it was.
"Okay mystery man, out with it."
"Still haven't learned the value of patience have you?" he said, teeth playing with his tongue as he observed her with an air of amusement.
"Guess you should have done a better job of teaching that one to me," she retorted, finding it much too easy to slip back into their customary teasing.
"Maybe I just saved the best lesson for last."
"Alright Professor," Penny said, scooting forward to the end of her desk, enjoying very much the way his eyes flickered at her use of his former title, "You'll find me an attentive student."
"Attentive? No, no," he said, fingers playing with his beard as he pretended to evaluate her, "I actually find you rather distracting."
"Sounds like a you problem. Perhaps I should be the one doing the teaching," Penny said confidently, crossing her arms as though it was already decided.
"You'll have to work a lot harder than that to make me give up the enjoyment I get out of hearing you call my sir," he grinned, fingers slowing to a stop and falling back to his side.
"Remus Lupin, you're shameless," Penny said, voice dripping with insinuation as she glanced away, not wanting him to see the way she smiled despite herself.
"I prefer honest," he shrugged.
"Uh huh. Well, unfortunately for you, you've provoked my competitive side and feel I must insist you hand over the title for a while so I can take it for a spin. I quite like the idea of hearing you say, yes mam," Penny said, hopping to her feet and smirking down at him before poking him on the nose.
His hand faster than she thought possible, he grasped her wrist and gave her a light tug that made her fall into him.
"There she is, that power hungry tyrant I always knew was hiding in there. Come on then, let's see who breaks first," he said in her ear, hands finding her sides where he began tickling her mirthlessly.
"That's underhanded and dirty—" Penny tried, barely able to form words for laughing.
"Doesn't sound like much of a complaint to me," he said, eyebrow arched accusingly.
Penny, laughing so hard tears were blurring her vision, tried to wriggle free, but the strong man kept her his prisoner with ease, his brown eyes watching her attentively, mouth upturned in a gloating smile.
"Please," Penny finally gasped, digging her fingernails into the shoulder that she clung to, her face pressed into his chest, the old sweater scratching the delicate skin there. It was bliss and agony.
He chuckled softly, a chuckle she was too familiar with, the same one that told her he would not let her go so easily.
"You started this fight, my dear. I can't rightly let you go until you've learned your lesson."
"Yes you can, I'm sorry! I take it back, you can keep your damn title!"
"Nope, not gonna do it, sorry. You have to say the magic word," he said, tugging her shirt free and sliding his fingernails torturously over the already sensitive skin, sending goosebumps shooting across the skin there and Penny into a writhing mess as she tried again, with no luck, to escape the torturously enjoyable feeling of it.
"Please!"
" Ehnt , wrong answer. You sure like losing a lot for someone who claims to be so competitive," Lupin said, his voice rumbling with smug triumph, irking that defiant streak in her.
"I won't give into—your—power—complex," she managed to retort, deciding on a new tactic. She reached beneath his own shirt, finding the muscular body beneath and tried attacking him the same way he was her. The muscles responded immediately, tensing beneath her fingers.
"How are you alive with hands that cold?" he said, taking hold of both hands and rolling her over and crossing them so he could pin them against her chest as he looked down at her, brown eyes glinting in anticipation of his retribution.
"How good of you to admit your weakness," she huffed, trying to pry her wrist free of his grip.
"Come now, Penny, be reasonable, you don't want me to have to be stern with you, do you?"
While his voice said don't, his eyes very much said please do. He liked to pretend he had no other choice, but she knew the truth, he loved provoking her and very much hoped that stubborn streak in her would refuse to heed his warning. And it did, Penny trying now to stomp on his foot.
Shaking his head at her, "You've forced my hand," he sighed, pulling her a little further into his lap so he could reach her neck. And then he bent his head, scratchy beard tickling her neck and began blowing against the skin there like one often does a baby's belly and making Penny break into another fit of laughter.
The heat rose to her cheeks, the strong arms wrapping around her torso and holding her more securely against himself.
"Alright," she choked. "You win."
He pulled away, brown searching green, waiting patiently for the reward for his victory. "I'm sorry, sir, please take mercy on me. I promise to be a more obedient student from now on."
He considered her through heavy lidded eyes, looking too pleased with himself. "You, obedient? I'll have to see it to believe it," he said, making Penny scowl, but she couldn't possibly endure another moment of his tickling without peeing herself, so she bit back her retort, something Lupin didn't miss
Leaning in and stopping just shy of her neck, he whispered, "Say it one more time and I'll consider your request,"
His hot breath hit her neck sending a violent shudder through her. He squeezed her arm lightly to tell her he hadn't missed it, embarrassing Penny further. It was unfair how he knew all her weaknesses and had no qualms using them against her.
"You're getting greedy," she said mutinously when she'd gotten herself under control.
"With you?" he paused, lifting his face up just enough so he could capture her gaze in his "Absolutely. Now, one more time," he said with a shameless smirk.
She turned away from him, mouth clamped defiantly shut. He was pushing his luck and he knew it. She could hardly let him revel in her defeat.
"Have it your way then," and he returned to her neck, placing several delicate but scratchy kisses upon it.
She squirmed like a worm, wanting to melt into a puddle or kiss him, she wasn't quite sure which, but she finally broke, losing what little resolve her annoyance had given her.
"I concede, professor! I beg you to stop torturing me now, sir!"
Evidently satisfied, he pulled away looking much too pleased with her for Penny's liking.
"Good girl," he said with a teasing before letting her go so she could collect herself and straighten her clothing.
"I see you're as ruthless as ever," she said, trying and failing to hide her pink cheeks from him
"How can I resist when you blush like that?" he said, scooting over so she could seat herself beside him.
Though the table offered plenty of space, they sat side-by-side, their legs pressed together, Lupin looping his arm around her waist just to be sure no distance remained between them.
Penny leaned into him, closing her eyes and letting the familiarity of him wash over her. "It still hurts. . .but, I missed this—you," she said quietly.
"We can take things however you want, but I've missed you too, Penny, more than you can ever know."
He sounded sad, the side of his cheek pressing against her head as though he wished he could imbue to her those things he could not say. They sat like this for sometime, Penny's greedy heart a little too content just letting the warmth of him wash over her and make her drowsy.
"So why are you here, I thought you were undercover—" she finally asked.
"I was. But I can't say I wasn't excited for a break when I received Dumbledore's request."
"Another one? He's overworking you—"
"He asked me here for you, actually, so I'd hardly consider that work when I'm certain there is no other way I'd rather spend my time."
"He told you about my curse?" she asked, searching his body language from the corner of her eyes.
"Your curse? No. Has something happened?"
"It seems time's run out on the bandaid."
"Amazing how accurately Severus predicted the amount of time he could buy you," Lupin mused out loud. "He is truly an exceptional wizard."
"Yes, and exceptionally annoying lately."
"Oh? In what way?"
Sighing, Penny tried her best to find words to describe her surly Potion Master's behavior, but it proved more difficult than she anticipated. "He's very hot and cold and he's so dramatic, acting like the world will end soon or something. I know there is something he isn't saying and whatever he's doing is weighing on him, but sometimes I wish he'd just let us live in the moment rather than the what-ifs."
"Have you told him this?"
"Absolutely not, he's not like you, and he always side tracks me by annoying me. It's impossible to have a single coherent conversation with him," she said with a dry laugh.
"If anyone can wear him down, I'm certain it's you Penny," Lupin said, Penny glancing suspiciously at him and finding him suppressing a smile. "But we can cross that bridge later. I have another one that requires your attention."
Penny turned to him in earnest now, waiting quietly, eager to know what it was Dumbledore had written to him about.
"I guess there is no other way to say this but—Dumbledore has secured you the opportunity to meet with Grindelwald—if you are at all desirous."
"Grindelwald? What?" Penny said, mouth agape.
"I know it might be a frightening idea, considering his past, but he is likely the only other person you will ever have the chance to meet who is like you. There are questions he may be able to answer. Although it need not be so concrete, so if there is any inclination, any reason to meet him, then you need only say."
"But he's in prison, isn't he? Surely they'd never risk letting him out."
"Correct. That is why Dumbledore secured you access to Nurmengard."
"He can do that?" Penny said, suddenly impressed with her headmaster and his fareareaching connections.
"I hardly think anyone could say no to him. After all, Dumbledore is the only reason Grindelwald is locked up at all," Lupin said wryly.
"But-how would I get there? Isn't it somewhere in the Alps?"
"I will admit, it will be complicated with the ministry following your every move and you having the trace on you. Dumbledore thinks it wise to not alert them to the fact you're meeting, so we would have to travel without magic. But I would take you. I was thinking we'd go through Belgium and then travel across Germany. Once we reach Austria it won't be so straightforward as a train, but we could make it there and back by the end of your Easter holidays."
Penny's brain was whirling, all of her thoughts barely taking form before another one took its place.
"You'd do that for me?"
"Certainly. As long as that's what you want and you know there is absolutely no pressure to go."
"Pressure? Of course not," Penny said, eyebrows furrowed. "I can't say exactly why, and I am a bit nervous. . .but I have to see him for myself. Second hand accounts aren't enough; I feel like I'll never really know myself unless I go."
"I know that feeling all too well," he said, eyes distant as he stared at the tapestry hanging on the other side of the wall.
"Can I ask—" Penny started tentatively.
Lupin turned to her with a, "Hmm?"
"Why isn't Snape taking me?"
"You don't like the choice of chaperone?" he said his mouth pouting irresistibly when he turned to frown at her
"N-no! I didn't say—I didn't mean—" she spluttered, face flushing.
His eyes trailed down to her cheeks and then over to her lips before returning to her green eyes. "I can hardly remain cross when you blush like that," he said with a resigned smile. "It is my understanding that Snape said no, but for what reason, you'd have to ask him."
Penny turned back to the tapestry. Why would Snape have said no? And without ever mentioning it to her? This information bothered her, had they not just argued about his refusal to let her have a choice once in a while? Was this just another attempt of his to make decisions for her, or was there something else, another reason he would not make this journey with her? Granted, Grindelwald was a murderer, tyrant, and successful manipulator, but it wasn't anything she hadn't already endured in the Dark Lord's presence. Snape probably assumed no one else would take her, which would explain why he looked so irritated when Lupin showed up in the Great Hall. Regardless, Penny would ask him for his answer, he owed her that much.
"Earth to Penny," Lupin said, snapping his finger in front of her face.
She jumped, eyes snapping back to his face.
"Where'd you go there?" he said observing her with interest.
"Nowhere, sorry. I have a tendency to space out more easily these days because of these seer lessons I'm doing with Adrian."
"How's it going with lover boy?"
"Shush you," Penny said sourly, poking him in his side. "He's a little intense still, but I've learned a lot from him. . ." Penny trailed off, finding those brown eyes, the mention of Adrian reminding her all too vividly how hollow she felt when the life in them had vanished.
"Are you alright?" Lupin said, the smile on his face faltering.
"No, not really," she admitted. "I don't know how to feel about—about us after. . ." she left the rest of her sentence hanging in the air, finding it too painful to go on.
"Have you read any of my letters?" he said after a moment's silence.
"Yeah."
"All of them?"
"Well no, there's like 50 of them," she replied sheepishly. "But I read a handful."
"Well, I hope the ones you did read impressed on you that there is no pressure to feel any which way—just whatever you feel at any given moment. And whatever that feeling be, you can share it with me; you need never feel like you are required to keep it to yourself or have to pretend otherwise."
When Penny didn't respond, her eyes averted from him, he got to his feet and stood before her, a gentle finger guiding her chin upward until she could not look anywhere except for at him.
"I promise I mean it."
"Okay," she croaked, feeling her emotions get lodged in her throat. "But—how do you feel about. . .me?"
He looked down at her, sadness darkening his features. Before responding, he leaned down and pressed his lips against her cheek, hand wrapping its way into her hair and holding her close to him for a long moment. And then he pulled away and pressed his forehead against hers, the pair locked together, as though they had always been one.
"I feel I am more in love with you than there are words to describe and that I am a wretched, wretched man for ever making you doubt that. I can never atone for my cruelty—but I will remind you as often as you need that they were cowardly lies, and that I promise never to hurt you in such a way ever again."
His hands were clamped onto either side of her face, his warm, fruity breath wafting across her face. Penny closed her eyes, her breath hitching in her chest. How was it that in Remus Lupin's arms, even when her life had gone to shit, everything felt so utterly blissfully perfect? She didn't know how he did it, she only wanted to remain here forever, trapped in the intoxicating bliss that was him.
"Am I interrupting something?" a cold, furious said, jarring Penny from her daydream.
Lupin pulled away, and turned slowly toward the door, his hands remaining fixed where they were, preventing Penny from being scorched by the look of glaring anger that was no doubt fixed upon them.
"Severus, we weren't expecting you," Lupin said.
"Yes, I could tell," he said, the cold fury emanating from him finally making it across the room and smashing into Penny like a brick wall.
"Did you need something?" Lupin pressed onward nonchalantly, ignoring Snape's insinuation.
"Yes, I do in fact. Potter."
"Can it wait?"
"No, her health cannot wait for you, Lupin." Penny could hear the sneer in his voice, knew his hands were balled into fists at his side, probably inching toward his wand.
Lupin turned to her, expression soft, evidently unperturbed by the raging creature watching them.
"I don't have to go if you don't want me to," he offered, Penny knowing he was worried Snape would lash out at her for what he'd just walked in on.
"It's alright," she smiled, giving his wrist a reassuring squeeze. "Honestly," she added when he looked unconvinced.
Giving her cheek a last caress with the back of his finger, Lupin made his exit, Penny sitting on the edge of the table, still unsure whether she should look at Snape or not. She felt guilty that he had to find out this way, especially after all he'd done for her over the summer, the punch and all. He should have heard it from her mouth, that she was ready to forgive Lupin despite Snape's adamant assertion he would never be deserving. He should have heard her reasoning, but things never did go the way she wanted with him. It was like they always opted for the hard way. Though, his bizarre ability to walk in on her at the most inconvenient time was more often than not the instigator.
Finding the sudden stillness of the room unbearable, Penny turned and found him still standing by the door. She took a few nervous steps toward him and paused, afraid to awaken the beast. He was shaking from head to toe, fists at his side and eyes clamped shut. She watched him for a bit, having to squint in the dim light to finally realize he was focusing on taking slow, deep breaths as though to calm himself. It was such an outlandish display on him, the man she so often saw lose his temper. Was he making an effort for her? She could not help but smile watching him, wondering. That is, until his eyes snapped open and turned on her.
Penny recoiled, stumbling back into the desk, Snape upon her before she knew what was going on. He stopped so closely to her, Penny had to lean away from him to avoid having her nose smooshed into his chest, though she could have just looked up to avoid that, but he'd pushed her too much off balance to want to face the scrutiny of his piercing gaze.
He loomed over her, Penny biting her lip in an effort to quiet her absurdly loud breathing, eyes remaining fixed on the second button on his shirt. Why was her breathing so erratic while his chest rose and fell slowly, completely in control of the situation? She needed to learn such skills because it annoyed her how unfair the imbalance between them felt.
His hand moved to her chest and he pushed her slowly, Penny floundering, confused, as he continued to force her backwards until her back thudded against the desk and her eyes darted to his face.
His fingers remained, pressing delicately against her chest, as though he knew their presence alone was enough to keep her where he wanted. The heart beneath them skipped a beat when the dark wells finally captured her and she found a steely gaze fixed on her face, making Penny feel suddenly indecently exposed. It did not help that she was also becoming much too annoyingly aware of every point of contact between them. She wanted to look away, to keep that information to herself, but she knew he would not let her, that such a show of cowardice and guilt would ignite that fury he'd managed to douse into merely anger.
He was still, almost unnaturally so, but his lip retained remnants of the curl Lupin induced. But whatever else he was thinking or feeling, he hid from Penny, unsettling her. She knew what to do with his anger—had expected him to yell at her, but the staring, the unrelenting watching made her want to squirm beneath him, to hide those secret parts of herself that seemed to be so openly on display to him. And yet, she remained frozen, her mouth slightly ajar as though to form words her brain could not conjure.
Mercifully he broke the stillness to move forward, just slightly, and allow his left hand to join his right. They pushed her already untucked shirt aside, cold hands skimming the warm skin of her belly, Penny biting down even harder on her lip to prevent any audible indication of the chill that rippled up her spine to escape her. Unfortunately, her body betrayed her and a shudder followed soon after. He paused momentarily, his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline, but his gaze refused to leave hers, he kept her snared in his, as he continued pushing the rest of the shirt out of the way and leaned forward, right hand finding her pulse.
When he finally broke away from her, it was to look down at the watch on his left wrist as he counted the beats of her heart—the same one bouncing erratically in her chest as though trying to scream it's undying affection for him into his finger.
"Breath, Potter," he commanded, finally breaking the silence, Penny realizing, to her mortification, she'd been holding her breath.
Clearing her throat awkwardly, she looked away from his face and instead focused on the ceiling, trying to count the amount of spit wads that had been stuck up there by bored students.
The hand had returned to her stomach, pressing around her organs as it always did, Penny finally accustomed to his refusal to be gentle.
"Remus and I w-were talking—" Penny stammered, the urge to explain herself, to be free of the damnable silence and know what it was that was thinking, overpowering her instincts for self-preservation.
"If you would like this exchange to remain cordial, do not speak his name again," Snape said, and Penny winced when he prodded a little too aggressively at her right side.
"He said Dumbledore arranged a meeting with Grindelwald for me—said he would take me if I wanted to go," Penny said, her voice measured, eyes glancing back to his face.
The lines were deepening, but he still retained his composure. Though he did not respond to her, or even acknowledge he'd heard her, so she pressed on. "Why did you say no?"
"You ask like what I think has ever mattered to you, Potter." His voice was full of malice, eyes narrowing, but still refusing to look back at her.
"It does. You know it—"
"Do I? Then explain to me how it is, after what he did , you still blatantly ignore my warnings about forgiving him? Despite my own pleas , you still refuse to see him for what he is!"
"You know why, so don't pretend like you don't. I could never forgive myself if I didn't try and he. . .Remus is a part of me. I couldn't—"
"AND WHAT AM I, POTTER? WHAT AM I TO YOU?" He'd finally broken. Eyes bulging, h turned on Penny and sprayed her with spit as he screamed the words.
The question more than his delivery startled her, sent her stuttering and stammering. What was the answer to that question? The right one? The real one? The honest one? It hid its face from her, leaving her flabbergasted and speechless. "I-I d-don't know. It's different with you," she said, body pressed flat against the table as he leaned further over her.
His right eye twitched, the sneer returning to his lips. "Different," he repeated softly. "What an uncharacteristically honest answer coming from you. But I could not agree more. You have always accepted his counsel without hesitation, but with mine you are inclined to hesitation, doubting me because of prejudice, because I do not come so prettily packaged with words that deceive you into feeling good; you will always doubt my intentions for you, my feelings!"
"That's not true in the slightest! There is no comparison between you, and if you just stopped imagining there was, we'd all be a lot happier," she said, trying to sit up, but his hand pushed her back down.
"But there is and always has been, Potter. And no matter how much time you spend trying to delude yourself, the fact remains that the same heart that so readily forgives him his vices, condemns me for mine—denies me the benefit of the doubt!"
His chest was heaving now, the hand on her chest, balling into a shaking fist around her shirt.
"What a convenient load of bullshit," Penny said, angry now. "If that were true, we would not be sitting here now. Or need I remind you how you have been an unmitigated ass more times than I can count, and yet, I have forgiven you! Valued you! And believed in you despite your propensity for angry, unfounded outbursts. Yes,I struggle to find words to describe our relationship in ways I don't with Remus—"
"I told you not to speak his name!"
"—because you and what I feel for you is unlike anything I have ever experienced before," she said more loudly, ignoring his interruption. "There is nothing I can even compare it to! It's like, no matter how hard I try, I can never fully understand the world, myself, or anything—like the picture has been torn in two and you contain the other half. You make everything clearer, everything right!"
"But no matter what I endeavor to show you, no matter how logical, important, or essential, you refuse to believe it, to listen to me!" he seethed, fingernails digging into the flesh beneath her shirt.
"You're exaggerating now, and you know it. I do listen to you, and care what you think; you just don't like it that I don't need someone to tell me how to live—"
"Is that so? Then tell me, Potter. When that half-breed came with his offer; a man who had no problem trampling all over you to preserve his own peace of mind, to meet Grindelwald, knowing I had declined to perform such a reprehensible deed, how did you respond?"
"W-what's that got to do with anything?"
"HOW DID YOU RESPOND," he demanded, shaking her with both hands and making her hit her head painfully on the table beneath her.
"That's not fair, you didn't even ask me howI felt on the matter—didn't bother to come to me at all—" Penny tried, too keenly aware which direction this was going.
"Make all the excuses you want, but the fact remains you did not care to know why I refused before accepting."
He was letting go of her now, the look in his eye one Penny recognized. It frightened her—that distance he was now putting between them.
"I-I do!" she said, reaching for his hand, clinging to it with both of hers. "I wanted to meet him because of you , because I needed to know if it was inevitable—if my being near you is worse for you," she said, the fear she'd kept so tightly held to her chest escaping her lips before she could stop herself, compose the words more eloquently.
But they'd come too late, and she could see how these words that were so important to her bounced off him, Snape locked safely in that tower of his, refusing her access to his heart.
"Well you needn't have accepted just a foolish offer if you were curious, because I could have told you, since the day you stepped foot in this castle I have only known unrelenting misery!" he spat as he tried to pry her hands from him.
His words were like a whip, and though she could see he regretted saying them almost immediately, eyes darting to her face when she flinched away from him, her hands dropping his like they'd been holding a bomb or something, recoiling to her chest, as though to protect her from any further pain he would inflict upon her, they still knocked all the breath out of her and filled her with the urgent need to flee.
Swallowing hard and setting her jaw to force herself to believe she wasn't falling apart at the seams, on the verge of devolving into a pathetic mess; she pushed herself away from him, tossing her legs over the side of the table, mouth moving on its own."Forgive me then, for taking up so much of your time," she said, voice stiff, mercifully not betraying the way everything inside of her felt like it was shattering.
And hopping to the floor, she moved with the reflexes of a quidditch player toward the door. She dared not look at him, could not breath, could not even feel her own hands. The world was tipping, but still moved because she could not face it—face him.
"Stop, Potter!" He was hot on her heels, but if he caught her he would force her around and steal from her that which she did not want to share, so she sped up. "I will not let you misconstrue my meaning—" anger and frustration filled his voice, but still she moved. "—if you had not provoked me—" desperation now, but she would not relent, turn, listen. "—you know that I only meant—you must know—" He was almost upon her, the door too far still.
The magic within her flowed without her even searching for it, the sound of it thundering in her ears, sending the tables sliding across the room at her command. He cursed, but she could not hear him, her racing thoughts and raging magic drowning him out, unaware of how his footsteps faltered, the tables barring him from reaching her. He knew, watching her reach for the door that the distance between them was now too far for him to hope to traverse, that he could not reach her even if he tried.
"I-lo-lov-love you," escaped his lips; the last words of a desperate man whose heart finally got the better of his mind.
The anguish with which he uttered these words; the way his voice faltered, as though he were terrified of these words—of setting them free from that place he kept them hidden, it would have broken her heart had she heard but there were not enough pieces left intact of Penny's heart to even comprehend the gravity of his confession; to detect the inflection in his voice; feel the plea in it; or confront the all-consuming truth of those words—through all of the lying, omissions, secrets and tasks forced upon him, this was the singular truth in Severus Snape's heart; the thing that kept him together—allowed him, after so much evil, to know who he was and what he wanted.
But Penny was out the door before they could reach her, trying to close her mind, her heart, to the pain of it much in the same way Snape closed himself off to her when he was afraid she'd gotten too near the truth.
Breathing heavily and blinking in confusion, her eyes focused and her brain caught up with her feet, her ears ringing now that her magic had calmed down. She was shaking and still felt a little dazed, slightly confused how she'd come to be standing before the old greenhouse, her hand on the door. Why had she come here of all places? She didn't have the energy to think anymore, she just wanted to escape now, and letting the impulse continue to guide her, she threw open the door and marched inside, that head of bleach blonde hair turning away from whatever he had been reading and peering at her.
He watched her traipse across the uneven floor, observed her posture, heavy brows creasing when she stopped before him. Letting out the smoke he'd apparently been holding, he offered her his cigarette, Penny staring at it for a long moment, as though confused about what she was to do with it. And then she took it, eyes closing and focusing on every feeling the cigarette evoked in an attempt to distract herself from all the other feelings that threatened to overwhelm her, drown her.
"Who was it?" he finally asked, peering up at her as he bent low to light a second cigarette.
"What?" she said, opening her eyes.
"Who'd you just shag?" he reiterated, looking pointedly down at her clothing, which were still in disarray.
"Shag?" she repeated, flabbergasted.
"I can't decide if it blew your mind, or you killed him when he'd finished," Sebastian went on, scrutinizing her as he tapped his lip, thoughtfully.
"I didn't shag anyone," Penny said defensively. "I was arguing."
"Is that your version of foreplay?" he asked, brown eyes creasing in insinuation at the corners. "I suppose I should not be that surprised, being the intense girl you are."
"I'll show you intense," she scowled, taking another, aggressive drag of his cigarette.
"Oh?" said Sebastian, eyebrows disappearing in his hair. "So he didn't leave you satisfied. Noted."
"I wasn't shagging anyone!" Penny said, voice rising and making him laugh softly.
"Yeah?"
" Yes!" she said, a little too forcefully.
They both remained silent for several minutes, blowing their smoke up toward the rafters above them, eyes occasionally glancing at the other, him doing his best to subdue his amusement at her glowering.
"As relieved as I am to hear it, I can't help but feel something is a little off with you."
"And what clued you in," Penny said sardonically, her foot digging at the dirt beneath her in an attempt to release some of the pent of anger inside of her that wished she'd hit the insufferable man before leaving.
"A lucky guess," he shrugged.
He offered her his pack of cigarettes when she dropped the end of hers and ground it beneath her foot a little too violently than was natural.
"No thanks, it's not helping," she said, unable to keep the despondence from her voice.
"That bad?" He sounded surprised, Penny looking at him startled to find his lips pursed, almost in worry.
"I don't want to talk about it. I just want to make the world feel normal, to forget about it."
It was the honest truth, and Penny hoped he would believe it and not push her because she did not know what she would do if she were to let any of what had transpired in that classroom set in.
"I accept the challenge." And placing the cigarette he was holding in his mouth, he hopped down and turned Penny around to face him.
Sebastian was taller than Penny, but not as much as Lupin. He had less than a head on her, so when she looked up at him, he was almost in kissing distance and had to turn his head just slightly so as not to hit her with the ash that tumbled from his cigarette.
Without explaining what he was doing, he reached down and began straightening her shirt, pressing it flat and then tucking it into her skirt.
"How about we start by removing the remnants of whatever happened, yeah?" he said in response to her unasked question when he glanced back up at her.
When he was satisfied, he moved to her tie, undoing it and then meticulously re-tying it, smirking slightly as he gave it a light yank when he'd pulled it tight. Penny rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless, the thought of all the pleasures he could bring her with a tie was a welcome distraction. But she would not be sharing that with him.
Reaching behind him, he grabbed the sweater he'd apparently shed earlier and pulled it over her head. It was much larger than hers, but his warmth was still trapped within it, making it ridiculously cozy, reminding her of the hug she realized she really could use at this moment.
He admired her for a long moment, looking mildly pleased with his efforts before smoothing out her hair with nimble fingers that did not tug too hard when they caught a tangle, but gently coaxed it out. When he'd finished with that, he pulled the cigarette from his mouth, waited until she opened hers, and then placed it in her mouth, eyes watching as her lips closed around it and she let out a little sigh of relief.
"So, what do you think?" he said, making an obvious effort to tear his gaze away from her and hopping back onto the table.
"That you are nothing like I imagined you to be, Slytherin boy."
"Uh-oh, Penny, are you developing a crush on me already?" Sebastian said, brown eyes, watching her like he wasn't quite sure of her.
"Don't get ahead of yourself," she teased, making him smile at his shoes before tossing his head back to look up at the muddied ceiling. "It's better that way," he said quietly, Penny not entirely certain he was speaking to her.
"What is?" she said, brow arched quizzically.
"If we don't fall in love." His voice was calm, diplomatic even. He spoke the words like it was the most obvious inevitability in the world. Penny almost did a double take, because it was such a queer thing to say, and yet, Penny found herself nodding in agreement—green eyes searching the strange boy before her, her tired brain finding such a welcome relief in his company.
"Thanks, Sebastian," she said quietly.
He turned and, brown eyes sad as he fixed her with the loveliest of smiles. "Anytime, Penny."
There was something so freeing finally letting Snape admit, really admit he loves Penny. But of course, nothing can be straight forward with these two and they will have to struggle on!
Have a lovely rest of your week my lovelies! Next chapter Lupin and Penny head to Nurmengard ! Also I was only listening to Deptford Goth - Feel real while writing this!