Happy update day and new year!

it's been a while! Sorry about that. I had some bad holidays :( I was sick, not very happy and not enjoying much, so I was lacking some serious inspiration. I am happy to report I'm feeling much better mentally and physically. I think I just needed a break from existing for a while there. Needless to say, I'M GLAD TO BE BACK!

This chapter really was the medicine for my soul. It just soothed me, if that makes sense? I like to think it soothed Penny's soul too (Snape not so much...lol...sorry) BUT I CAN HONESTLY SAY IT WAS NICE. What can I say, new year new me? haha.

nah, but I think we all deserve to start the year with some fluff SO PLEASE ENJOY my loves!

Though she was still annoyed with her twin, Penny pushed aside her irritation long enough to divulge to him what she and Lupin would be embarking on over the Easter holiday. Surprisingly, he, Ron and Hermione's sentiments mirrored Snape's, and they advised her against going. Penny did her best to make a show of hearing them out and weighing their arguments, but in the end the decision was hers.

Hers and no one else's. And she'd already made it.

She was decided. Whatever the consequences, she had to know, for herself—and Snape, even though he remained vehemently against the idea.

So the next morning Penny rose early, her things packed the night before. She kissed her twin goodbye as he frowned at her, green eyes searching for someway to make her change her mind.

"I'll be fine, Harry," she assured him.

"Just—" he started, sighing in defeat, "Take everything he says with a healthy dose of skepticism. Please."

"What, do you take me for, gullible?" she huffed.

"Please, Penny," he frowned, evidently wanting to convey how serious he was.

"Okay, dear brother," Penny agreed with a shake of her head. "I promise," she added when he did not look the least bit placated. "And you try and have a quiet holiday, won't you?"

Scowling, he pushed her toward the portrait hole, Penny zipping her jacket as she stepped through, making her way through the slumbering castle lazily seeing as she was a bit early to meet Lupin, but much too eager to wait around any longer.

Soon everyone would rise, loud and excited to return to their homes to enjoy the two week break, Malfoy among them.

Penny hadn't been able to find him after his outburst in Potions, hadn't been able to make sure he was okay. Guilt welled in her chest as she wondered what the break would entail for him, stuck in that manor with that monster and all his servants. But she pushed the horrible thought to the back of her mind as she stepped into the Entrance Hall, taking a seat on a bench against the wall as she waited for Lupin.

It was exciting, in some morbid way, the adventure before them. Traipsing across a world Penny had never seen before, and into a prison most would never set eyes on—a villain inside waiting for her. What would he be like? Penny had never really imagined anything more than cold and murderous, but her time with the Death Eaters had taught her that evil was much more nuanced and varying than she ever realized.

What motivated Grindelwald? What had he felt when he'd committed those deeds he was imprisoned for? What did he feel now? And—what would he think of her? They were connected, whether Penny hated to admit it or not. The only two of their kind, linked by what fate had deemed to bestow upon them. Would they be more similar than she was comfortable with? The answer would be one she would have to live with.

Though the more pressing questions were the ones Penny wondered if he would even answer. One's regarding the connection between him and Dumbledore. Would he tell her what it had been like? What he'd felt—still felt? Penny needed to know, if that tug deep within her, if it would always follow her and. . .if Snape too felt it.

As though she had summoned him with her thoughts, she felt her eyes lift from the hands she'd been looking at unseeing and found him standing there just before the stairs that led to the dungeons.

He was watching her, those pale features stark. His eyes almost blazed, making the breath catch in her chest. The words he'd spoken to her echoed through her head.

Misery, she was his misery. A misery he never asked for and her very existence thrust upon him.

Pain thronged through her chest, filling her with a quiet despair; it was supposed to be easy, always had been—loving him. But perhaps that was because she'd been too young, selfish and oblivious to realize that love was supposed to go both ways. And the truth was, he hadn't chosen her.

But hers, her truth, it was standing there, straight back, that soft melody of it singing to her from across the room. The truth was: she thought he was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen and knew that no matter the lifetime she would have chosen him regardless of circumstance.

And yet, this singular truth, it burned at her heart rendering it to ash because all she wanted, all she'd ever wanted was for him to experience the kind of peace and happiness his presence so effortlessly offered her. But she wasn't like Snape. She was like Grindelwald—a harbinger of misery.

So she turned. With a great effort, she pushed aside the feelings pooling in her chest and broke the gaze, unaware of how he too had moved in that moment. His hands curled into a desperate fist and he took several steps toward her, a kind of resolute defiance on his face. One that twisted his features with the longing that came cascading over the walls of that fortress of his.

In his eyes, if she'd only lingered but a fraction of a second longer, she would have seen that he would let it all crumble, let it all burn—for her. Everything he'd done, believed, risked and worked for—in this moment—didn't matter in comparison to her. Because the only thing he wanted, ever truly wanted, was for the secrets between them to be cast aside and for her to know the truth of him; to not be forced to give his life only for her to believe him a liar at the end of it all.

If he could make it right, make her understand the things he had failed so many times to say, the things he must do; then there was a chance the horrid deeds this war required of him would not cost him her.

He'd always told himself he lied for her, to protect her from the consequences of his love. But the reality was, it was selfishness. A greedy selfishness that was afraid that the way she looked at him might change if he shared with her those things he'd always kept to himself.

And yet, despite his efforts, his talent for it, she'd gleaned enough, glimpsed enough to guess and still desired, pushed and begged him to share more. He'd resolved, again and again, to fortify himself against her pleas regardless of the agony it caused him. And he'd almost succeeded, was so close to that last betrayal he had deluded himself into believing the last leg of would pass with little effort, as though she had not always been the center of his will.

But it all crumbled. Standing there, watching her, knowing what she endeavored to discover about herself, her fears—he finally cracked. He could not endure the thought of letting her go.

Everything else be damned—he just wanted her there with him at the end of it all. So he moved, not caring it was a treachery to all he and Dumbledore had worked for; not caring how it had the power to ruin everything.

But the world had always turned against them, why would it relent now?

And as she turned to the voice calling her name Snape stopped dead, his blood hammering loudly in his ears.

"Are you ready?" Lupin said, giving her an appraising look as he offered her his hand.

She stood there for what felt like an eternity. A gift perhaps. A last opportunity for him to reach out. His raging heart bade him move, and yet, he could only watch. He'd traversed much further distances for her without a second thought, so why did he falter now?

They both stood there frozen as though time no longer existed for them—waiting for something. He knew that if he did not do it now, he never would, and she knew that if she left now she would come back changed. They lingered, but time would not, and instead pressed forward, pressed against that icy reason of his, giving it the upper hand on his feelings; kept him where he stood until that soft hand of hers reached out and took Lupin's with such resolve Snape thought he felt it in his chest, ripping his heart right from it.

Brown eyes flicked away from her face, the smile curling along his loathsome face as they met black, and Snape knew what it is was that he would say, knew the thoughts he did not bother to hide. He would hex him, steal the very life from his veins for it, if it were not for the voice that trailed across the room, sapping from him every hateful thought that swirled through his mind, making his eyes snap back to that head of red hair, as vibrant as the smile he could not see.

"I've never been more ready in my whole life."

His greedy eyes watched as the wind blew through it and she shuddered; watched it until it was there no more and he cursed himself for the path he'd chosen—for being every bit the despicable person he was accused of being, the same one she always defended, somehow believing him to be something more; for the lie he'd chosen hold to despite knowing what it would do to her.

The portkey Dumbledore arranged for Penny and Lupin took them to the outskirts of London and into a very nice studio flat.

"This is Tonk's place," Lupin said to the unasked question.

Now that he said it, it made sense to Penny. While small and minimalistic, the flat was very flashy in that fashionable way Tonk's also was. But Penny paid little attention, her heart panged painfully as she wondered for what reason and how often Lupin visited this residence.

Thankfully he'd already turned away and Penny was not in danger of him reading those thoughts on her face. But she remained quiet as they made their way through the busy city, letting the loudness of life drown out her own confused thoughts that alternated between what Tonks was to Lupin and her fight with Snape.

The train they were taking was comfortable and the first leg of the journey would only be about two hours. Penny was getting settled into their compartment when Lupin returned with two steaming cups of coffee and a couple of sandwiches tucked beneath his arm.

He offered her first choice and then settled in beside her, pulling the lid off his coffee to drump some milk into it.

"Are you going to eat that sandwich or just frown at it?"

"Huh?" Oh," Penny said, Lupin's face coming into focus as she glanced at him.

He gave her a small, probing smile as she opened it and forced herself to take a bite. She could not manage another, her stomach gurgling dangerously when she finally swallowed.

"Did something happen after I left yesterday?" Lupin asked, setting his own sandwich to the side.

He was too observant, too intune with her feelings for her to lie so she sighed and sunk further into the cushion beneath her, wishing very much she could become part of it.

"Does life ever get less complicated?" she finally asked.

Brown eyes considered her, clearly wondering if she were trying to evade his question. But then he replied with an apologetic smile, "I think most would agree these are the least complicated years of life."

"Brilliant," Penny sulked.

"Try to remember these are not normal times and war does not last forever. It has stolen the carefree joy of youth from you, something I was spared in the first war because things hadn't gotten ugly until I graduated, but I promise you, there is so much more life waiting for you on the other side."

"We have to make it there first," Penny said quietly.

"We do," he agreed, brown eyes not wavering and instead looking over her face like it was some rare gem he had never beheld before.

"But some won't."

"No, they won't."

"So how can I look forward to something that requires such loss to get there? How did you come back—after. . ."

"For a long time I didn't. Three of my best friends murdered, believing Sirius had killed them, and so many more already buried—for a long time I didn't come back, not truly. I went through all the motions, sure. But living? It felt near impossible."

His eyes glazed over, a deep despair settling on his features as he looked out the window, memories of a time and place she had never seen haunting him. It made Penny sad, terribly, terribly sad, and afraid—afraid to lose him to that dark place again.

Clearing his throat he turned back to her. "The thing you must remember, Penny, is sometimes our imaginations do not stretch far enough to even comprehend what life has in store for us. Yes, I was dealt horrible loss, pain, and a path that felt cruel considering what I am, but I was also given a second chance. Little did I know the gift James and Lily left for me," he said, turning back to her with the most lovely of smiles.

"Left you? What'd they—"

"You," he said almost indignantly, as though the answer were the most obvious in the world.

"You brought joy back into my life, Penny, such unbridled joy that I would endure it all over again just to be able to see what life has waiting for you for being such an undeserved gift in my life."

Looking up into those warm brown eyes, Penny knew he was sincere, that the love that blazed through them wanted to gobble her up and make her a part of him. She too, wanted to cling to that, to walk with him and always find that beautiful smile of his.

But she knew that one day it would not be there anymore, knew that much sooner than she ever expected, death would attempt to rob her of him too unless she found a way to change his fate.

Closing her eyes, clinging to the warmth she found in him now, she laid her head against him, pulling his arm into her chest and clinging to it.

"Fine. I'll let the dream of finally getting to marry you at the end of this war get me through it. For that, I think I can do it."

"I'm much too poor to give you the wedding you deserve."

"It's lucky then that I want you and not a wedding."

"You may feel differently when I become a prune in a few years."

"I most assuredly will never find a more handsome man than you. So is that a yes?"

"We'll see."

"Playing the-hard-to-get-coy groom? I accept the challenge."

He chuckled softly above her, pressing a kiss onto the top of her head, but did not respond.

When they arrived in Brussels, the air was crisp and the sky a vibrant shade of blue. It was spring and Penny shivered from the cold but she did not care. She was too busy stumbling after Lupin who kept a tight hold on her wrist, taking in the city around her in awe and wonder.

It was possibly even more majestic than London. And London had been a fairy tale coming from Privet Drive. The architecture was so harsh and yet beautiful, bringing a kind of vibrance to the streets that made Penny feel certain she must have fallen into a book.

The people were merry, so unlike their English neighbors who were much too busy for a smile, a laugh, or a glance at a stranger. But not here. Here, Penny found many new faces smiling at her, waving, and even giggling as they looked over Lupin with approving eyes.

It was the kind of place Penny wanted to get lost in, wandering until her feet could not wander anymore and she found some nook to fall asleep in only to continue her way through the city come dawn.

Unfortunately, they were only passing through. Lupin deeming it unwise for them to linger long, wanting to avoid any unnecessary attention. So they spent the better part of the day on the move, waiting for trains and buses and eating on the go, which almost broke Penny's heart after seeing all the lunch goers enjoying food Penny had only ever seen on the muggle television.

Stiff and yawning, they arrived in Durbuy, a wizarding village near the border of Germany that they would be spending the night in. It was tucked between two lush mountain ranges. Penny nearly gasped when she rubbed her eyes as she stepped off the bus to behold their destination.

The village before her was embedded in the lush forest that spanned as far as she could see. Moss and ivy snaking their way across the buildings and making Penny feel as though she were looking at a well kept secret.

There was a quiet serenity to the scene before her, one that reminded her of lazy summer days and cozy winter nights on a hearth, looking up into the pretty eyes she once loved.

Standing here, looking at the pink and purple splotched across the sky, she remembered his promise to her—to kiss her here, in Belgium, on the summer holiday they never got to have because life had decided instead on cruelty.

It'd been some time since she'd allowed herself to think about him, the grief she harbored for Sirius making it too difficult to carry his too. So she'd pushed him to the back of her mind not realizing when exactly she'd allowed herself to forget the feel of his lips on hers; the smell of his hair and the sound of his voice. They tugged at her heart now, and to her great sadness she found the memories murky somehow, as though they had never truly been hers—he had never been hers.

Looking out over the serenity of the village before her, a gentle wind grazed her cheeks softly like his lips had so often done when he'd found her in a corridor. And the thought of those beautiful eyes crinkling in affection at her pierced her heart, making the breath catch in her chest as she remembered, with some effort, the lovely tinkling of his voice and the deep chuckle that often brushed against her ear when he knew he'd succeed in distracting her.

It was he she was supposed to be here with. He, who had been looking forward to celebrating his graduation with her. But she stood here alone, finding this beauty heart breaking as her brain so cruelly reminded her how that beautiful boy of hers was rotting in the ground, any semblance of what he once was lost to the ravages the cycle of life wrought.

The pain that wracked through her body exploded from the very core of herself, ripping her apart as it cascaded over her, choking her with the unexpected sob and flood of tears.

She hated it, that picturesque scene before her. Hated it because he would never get to see it, and if he couldn't why should anyone else? The anger raged and she wanted to blot it out, take a pen and scribble over every line of it until it was rendered as indiscernible as Cedric now was; fading and lost like the memories she had not done enough to preserve. Her anger was so fierce she might have screamed, set the entire place ablaze, but those strong arms found her, Lupin stepping up behind her and winding them around her so he could pull her close to him.

His chin rested on her shoulder and he squeezed so tightly her lungs did not even have room to expand, but apparently that was his intention because he did not let go.

"Hold your breath with me," he said softly, his own warm breath tickling her ear.

Penny only nodded, several more tears sailing past her chin and dropping onto his shoe.

Not entirely sure what the point was, her chest settled as did his, and they stood there pressed together, his warmth soothing her shaking.

Intertwined, they stood as two people locked together in opposition against all that tried to contain them, against the very requirements of life.

Breathing, an act so simple, so essential, and yet, so easily taken away. Her lungs screamed, and still, with her own will she denied them, daring fate to punish her for her rebellion.

And yet, even as the need to breath began to feel more dire, Penny felt a strange sense of peace settle over her as she focused instead on the prickly cheek pressing against hers. Life had dictated so much to them, robbed them and continued to test them. But in this moment, their moment, that same dictator called life was now theirs to command.

Chests silent, they were free. Utterly free, and made so by that same fragility that often felt like a prison.

Penny was shaking slightly now, her lungs ready to burst, but Lupin held her tighter, willing her to linger with him in this strange intimacy that denying their bodies that most basic of need offered them. In this moment, looking at the hand that held her, she knew she wasn't alone because they stood together on this precipice, ready to throw it all away, if only to hold onto the other for a moment longer.

But then he took a quiet, shuddering breath, telling her she was allowed to do the same. And closing her eyes, Penny focused on that breath, the way her muscles expanded, the cold air tickling the back of her throat, and the physical relief that spread through her.

She held it there a moment, focusing on the fullness, the way her muscles obeyed her every command despite instinct. And then, as slowly as Lupin, she let that air out, the joy of its release making her wonder if this was how her first breath out of the womb had felt.

"How do you always know exactly what I need?" Penny said, craning her neck to look at him, her tears dry on her face.

"Do I now?" he said, giving her a coy smile. "I'd blush from such a compliment had my motivations not been entirely selfish in nature."

"Selfish? Do tell," Penny pressed, eye-brow arched.

"Don't pretend to be unaware of the effect you have on a defenseless man like me," he said, his nose nudging her cheek playfully.

Penny couldn't help but snort at that, making his smile widen. He watched her for a moment before pressing a kiss onto her cheek.

"Watching you let out your despair, I felt overcome by how impossibly beautiful you were, and standing here, sharing it with a miserable man like me; you were like a living breathing picture of the most precious things in life and. . ." he paused, brown eyes finding hers again, "and then I moved, because nothing else matters; not words, or thoughts or even the unknown, I wanted it to all go away and just have you to myself, utterly and completely so I'd never forget how it felt— looking at you."

"Remus Lupin," Penny said, a rogue tear skirting its way down her face as she turned to him, cupping both his cheeks with her hands. "You make it far too easy to love you."

The brown eyes burned brightly as the sun dipped below the horizon.

"I believe that's my line, Penny darling."

"Come up with your own, you little plagiarist," she laughed.

"Challenge accepted," he said, grasping her hands in both of his. He considered the right one first, pressing a lingering kiss there "A thousand lifetimes would not be enough to even scratch the surface of what I feel for you, my Penny. But I'll settle for using the one I have to tell you, this wretched, unworthy heart of mine adores you," he said, placing another kiss on her left hand.

Smiling softly at him, Penny pulled her right hand free and placed it over his heart. "And I adore it. Will always adore it, never stopping, not even for a breath."

"You just had to prove you're forever the more eloquent one, didn't you?" he accused.

"Don't pretend like you don't know what you just did to my poor defenseless female heart. I could never compete with that innate charm of yours."

"Ahh, but you see, it has nothing to do with charm and everything to do with the lovely muse that never ceases to inspire," he said, his head tilting slightly to the side as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

Penny couldn't help the heat that burned in her face, the same heat his senses did not miss and caused a triumphant smile to ripple across his lips as he watched her.

"That's not fair," she tried to scowl.

"On the contrary, it makes us even," Lupin said, tossing his arm over her shoulder and dragging her along with him into the village.

They found a small inn after about a 20 minute walk, Penny and Lupin deciding to eat dinner in the small pub they had downstairs. It was loud, full of life and smelled of warm spice that made Penny feel much too cozy. She was almost lulling off to sleep as Lupin read the local history out to her from a pamphlet he'd picked up. Her head rested contently on his shoulder, but her mind had wandered far from these walls and back to the ones at Hogwarts.

Penny wondered if Snape too was eating and what his day entailed. Likely a large amount of irritation at the happy, boisterous students he would have had to escort to the train. But now, with the castle quiet, did he notice her absence? Was that infuriating mind of his now searching for her across time and space?

Knowing him, she was the farthest thing from his mind and he was no doubt enjoying his newfound solitude. The image of him sitting in his office with a glass of sherry, reading a book irritated her so thoroughly that her discontent made her sit up, Lupin frowning over at her.

"It hasn't even been 24 hours," he said, sounding the tiniest bit sour.

"Since what?" Penny said, reaching with her fork to steal a bit of the desert he'd ordered.

"That you've been apart."

"Apart from who?" Penny said through a mouthful, still confused.

"Snape," he said, eyes boring into hers and making her choke slightly. "Isn't my company stimulating enough for you?"

The way he looked at her with those sad puppy-dog eyes made her cheeks flush.

"I wasn't—" she tried, but his unimpressed frown told her he did not believe her. "What makes you think it was him I was thinking about, hmm?" Penny said, unable to even say his name for annoyance. "It could have been some handsome boy, like my new friend Sebastian."

"Are honestly asking that like I don't know you—the pair of you. Handsome or not, Snape has always commanded your attention with ease. But I refuse to let him now and demand it back for the duration of the trip," Lupin said, tugging the dessert away from her, his tone adorably frosty.

"I don't know, I quite like how jealousy looks on you," Penny smirked.

"Are you trying to provoke me? Because I would have thought you learned your lesson last time."

"Why must you be such a strict professor, I was only having a bit of fun," Penny pouted.

"I'll show you a bit of fun," he said, eyes flashing dangerously as he took her hand and dragged her from the booth.

"Are you putting me to bed?"

"No, I'm taking you to bed. There's a difference."

And there very much was because Lupin had opted for getting one room, not wanting to leave her on her own, and that room only had one bed for them to share. The man did not even bat an eyelash as he tossed his shirt on a chair and made for the shower, but Penny needed the whole ten minutes he was in there to get a handle of her hormones.

However, the effort was in vain, because when he returned it was in only his boxers, the drips from his wet hair rolling down his much too defined chest. Penny had to turn away before he caught her ogling him, but she suddenly felt much too warm for her blanket.

The light flicked off and he got into bed beside her, a rush of cold air hitting her when he did so.

"Did you take a cold shower?" she asked.

"Hmm? I typically do. Aside from transforming, lycanthropy has several other effects on the body, like heightened senses and running several degrees warmer than most people. I get too warm otherwise."

His answer was much more respectable than the reason she could use a cold shower right about now. But she ignored her guilt over her debased thoughts and rolled over only to find he'd turned toward her and they banged heads.

"Are you alright?"

Hands reached out in the dark, finding her face with unnatural accuracy.

"Yeah. Fine." Penny said, blinking back tears.

Lupin chuckled before gathering her up and tugging her into her chest.

"I'm sorry. I just can't sleep in a bed with you unless you're in my arms," Lupin said into her hair.

"Please don't apologize for making my dreams come true. It's insulting." Penny replied, nuzzling closer to him.

"Yes ma'm." Penny did not miss the inflection in his tone, knowing there was a smirk on those pretty lips of his.

"Good night, Remus."

"Sweet dreams, my dear."

When Penny woke, the room was still dark and the bed oddly cold. She'd been dreaming about that room of doors. One among them had been singing to her, beckoning her with the loveliest of melodies, but no matter how she searched for it, she'd been unable to find it. She'd continued down row after row, her will telling her mind, just one more, even though something stirred around her, pressing her consciousness to pull her from her quest.

When her eyes adjusted to the light and her brain pulled itself from her dream, Penny blinked, confused. Brown eyes looked down at her, a hand caressing her cheeks, but they weren't the eyes she'd expected to see—they did not belong to Lupin.

Fear and comprehensions dawning, Penny yelled, her hand flying for the bedside table toward her wand. But his cruel hand had her wrist in his clutches before she could get a hold on it.

"Aren't you at least going to say good morning before trying to hex me, Penny?" Amycus tutted.

Penny didn't respond, her other arm swinging on instinct and colliding with the side of his head. He recoiled, Penny yanking her wrist free and making to roll across the bed, but Amycus moved with lightning speed, his arm looping around her neck and pulling her backward into a choke hold.

He forced her to her feet in one swift motion, Penny sputtering as she groped uselessly at that arm.

"Manners, Penny, or you might find me inclined to use your little friend here to teach you a lesson."

Her eyes had found them, body going rigid before he even finished his threat.

At the end of the bed, on his knees, bound and gagged, Rowle shaking him by a fist-full of his hair was Lupin.

"Caught with a half-breed in your bed, what will your fiancé say when we break the news to him?" chided the smooth tones of Alecto. He stood just across the room, leaning lazily against the wall as he played with his fingernails, a look of cruel delight brightening those handsome features of his. "Maybe he'll come to his senses and call the whole thing off."

"Or maybe, he'll peel his skin off and give it to you as a wedding present," Amycus said in Penny's ear.

Her lungs screaming now, Penny beat at the arm holding her captive knowing it would not be long before she passed out due to a lack of oxygen. Clearly not wanting to cut his own fun short, he released her, sending Penny crashing to the floor.

"Your friend, Ted, was that his name?" Alecto said, pushing off the wall and walking toward Lupin. "Took such pointless pains to conceal your presence here, little dove," he taunted stopping before Lupin and observing him like he were some pitiful creature. "Were you foolish enough to think that mark of yours would let you hide from your brothers?"

"Hide? Since when do I need your permission to live my own life," Penny coughed, pushing herself onto her knees.

"Your life?" Alecto repeated, turning to her now, a cruel smile playing along his lips. "Your fiancé forfeit that the day he made his claim. Your life belongs to the Dark Lord now."

"Who, incidentally, was not at all amused by what appears to be a blatant attempt by his pet to run away," Amycus said. "It comes across as ungrateful," he added, his foot pressing against her chest and pushing her back onto the floor when she tried to get to her feet.

Anger boiling in her veins, Penny stared up into that loathsome face, desiring very much to put him on his ass.

"For someone who professes to inspire unquestionable allegiance, The Dark Lord seems rather prone to paranoia. It makes me wonder if he were not insecure about something, and for good reason. Losing a grip on his empire is he?"

"Careful what you say, girl," warned Rowle, digging his foot into the small of Lupin's back and making him grunt.

"You boys disappoint me," Penny said. "But I suppose that is to be expected, Snape always has said you lack imagination. But to answer your unfounded accusations, I would not run away, not when I'd much prefer to stick around and watch my brother dismantle that pitiful delusion of yours. No, I intend to be there to see the look on your faces when you realize you're nothing, except fucked."

"My dear, Penny," Amycus said, squatting down so they were nose and nose, his forefinger finding her chin as he appraised her, "how utterly dubious of you," he whispered, voice a velvet purr of satisfaction. "It seems all my efforts to make you interesting are finally taking hold." Those bored eyes flashed downward, to the scar along her stomach, sending an uncomfortable prickle down her spine.

"As inspiring as your little vendetta sounds," Alecto said, sounding impatient now. "I confess I remain unconvinced. I cannot imagine anyone enduring such neanderthal forms of travel, and with those filthy muggles, were they not desperate to go unnoticed."

Ignoring his revolting sentiments about muggles, Penny said, "I was trying to go unnoticed, but by the Ministry, not you."

"Ahh," Alecto smirked. "Dear Yaxley making life difficult for you? I'll have to tell him to keep up the good work."

"You're a vindictive bastard, Alecto. I wouldn't wish Yaxley's attentions on anyone. You remember how the last one went?"

"I do, and I can only hope Penny gives us such a show."

"And what would be so important that you would go to such lengths to keep it from our dear friend's prying gaze, hmm?" Amycus said, pulling Penny's attention back to himself.

"Why would I tell you when you so evidently love licking his boots?"

"Because I insist." The sharpness in his voice and flicker across his voice told Penny she was now traversing the dangerous territory of inciting his irritation.

She glanced at Lupin, head still forced backward in that uncomfortable position, and she cooled her temper, for his sake.

"I am headed to Nurmenguard," Penny said as neutrally as she could manage, all things considered.

Rowle howled with laughter, but the twins remained silent for a long moment.

"Looking to make Grindelwald the daddy you never had?" Alecto said in a tone of deepest disgust.

"What an amusing turn of events," said Amycus.

"Speak for yourself, Amycus. I've been to that prison. It's hidden in bumfuck nowhere in the middle of the alps. If she's traveling on foot, it'll take at least a week to reach," chimed Rowle.

"On a pilgrimage are you? I wonder what it is you're searching for?" Amycus said softly, a self-satisfied amusement playing at the corner of his eyes.

He finally released her, getting to his feet to give himself an exaggerated stretch.

"Let's go, I grow wary of the stench of half-breed," Amycus said to his companions.

"We're just letting her go?" Rowle said, looking uncertain.

"Yes, Rowle. Has Amycus not made his absurd obsession for tormenting the girl dully apparent by now? I find it least irksome to let him have his game. He can explain himself to the Dark Lord, it's not our problem."

Shrugging, Rowle threw Lupin unkindly onto his face and smirked at Penny. "Good luck coming back in one piece, girl."

"Not that any of us would mind if you decided to do us the pleasure of falling off a cliff while you're up there," Alecto said, stepping over Lupin and not bothering to glance back at Penny.

Amycus followed, pausing at the door to look back at Penny, brown eyes full of malevolence. "I look forward to seeing what kind of spiritual awakening Grindelwald offers you." And blowing her a kiss, he shut the door softly behind him.

Penny was beside Lupin, releasing his binds before she could even take a breath. His face was swollen where some spell had hit him, but he did not seem to spare it much thought, his eyes which were tinged with disbelieving terror, searching her face.

It wasn't until she looked back at them that she realized how the conversation he'd just been witness to had laid bare secrets she'd been keeping from him—from everyone.

"Penny. . ." he said weakly. "What has he done—did he convince you to lie about for him?" His voice harder now, finding that anger she could see rising to the surface.

"Don't accuse him," Penny said, a bite to her own tone. "Not before you even bother to ask about the details."

"And which details should I ask about first? The ones pertaining to how Severus Snape, a man over twice your age and your professor deemed it necessary to make you his fiancé? Or about the lying I suspect he's been doing in order to avoid scrutiny for parading you among his brethren?" Lupin demanded in livid incredulity.

"This is precisely why I decided not even to bother trying to explain it to you. Yes, Remus, it was my decision and did not require any amount of convincing on his or Dumbledore's part," Penny cut across him in an icy tone, pressing on at the shocked expression Dumbledore's name evoked. "What? Does it unsettle you that Dumbledore knew and didn't bother to tell you; upset you that Snape isn't the awful person you want to accuse him of being and maybe, just maybe there is more to the story than you care to know?"

"It bothers me that he has somehow convinced you that there is any excuse for failing to protect you from that lot," Lupin said, jerking his head toward the door. "But instead he offers you up on a platter to Voldemort—"

Penny flinched so violently at the name, he paused almost apologetically, but then seemed to decide it proved exactly what he was getting at and went on, "They called you his pet, Penny. If you want to change my mind about Snape's responsibility in this situation, then tell me it isn't true. Tell me Snape—after everything you have endured, who your brother is—your parents—tell me he did not deign to present you to him like a shiny new toy."

Penny's jaw clenched, her stomach turning uncomfortably at the look of unmitigated horror reflected back at her in Lupin's features as he registered what her silence admitted to him. The despair in them dulling the warmth of those eyes, and the anger throbbing in a vein on the side of his neck. Looking at it, Penny only felt shame, red hot shame for being so infuriatingly helpless. But that same shame made her angry, compelled her to argue on, because if she didn't, what was she other than some stupid girl who evoked pity because she could not protect herself.

"Yaxley took me from my bed. Dragged me by my hair kicking and screaming through the castle because it amused him. And that was just to prove he could, that no nowhere I hid could keep him from me. Snape was the only one to do anything—spared me from what Yaxley intended to do—would have done!"

"That's not sparing you, Penny. That's trading one horror for another!"

"You know he doesn't have the luxury to stand on moral principles like you. He did the only thing he could. How was he supposed to know that the Dark Lord would make him mark—" Penny's mouth clamped shut as she realized what she was about to say, but too late, the brown eyes flashed with understanding.

"Mark?" he repeated, his voice furiously calm. "That's how they found us—but surely, even Snape would not have the nerve to offer you up as his servant," Lupin fumed, reaching for Penny's left arm and pushing her sleeve up to expose the bare skin beneath.

He almost let out a sigh of relief as he stared at it, but cold fury tore him from it.

"I am not a Death Eater," Penny hissed, enraged by his insinuation, as though her service could so easily be sold without her consent. "Only the willing receive the mark on their arms," she clarified, only seeing red, and not being careful enough to remember how Lupin had always excelled at reading between the lines.

"Where," Lupin said, the words coming out as a command rather than a question.

The question caught her off guard, but she would not let him derail her when her chest was bursting with the need to clarify, to make him understand.

"He didn't offer me up, it was the price the Dark Lord required for saving me from Yaxley," Penny said, refusing to allow Lupin to further incriminate Snape without knowing all of it—to make her feel like a victim all over again. She'd moved past it, come to terms with it only because Snape had always treated like his equal, having as much, if not more say in how their narrative would play out. But Lupin was taking that away from her, framing her as some silly girl duped by the Dark Lord's servant.

"Where," he commanded again, stillness rippling through his taut body.

"The Dark Lord stood over him while he made him do it, just to prove his point. There was nothing either of us—"

"Where!" Lupin finally yelled, losing all patience now.

Penny refused to flinch, cower in the face of such unbridled anger. Regardless, she did not dare push him or refuse him. There would be no more hiding, trying to deny it any longer. She now had to face the truth of it, what she was and exactly how far Penny had followed Snape into hell.

With a slow breath, she tugged her shirt over her head and tossed it onto the floor between them, sitting in only her bra and sweats before him.

She watched those blazing eyes reveal the roused beast within him as they trailed downward, stopping at the mark etched onto the middle of her chest and snaking its way between her cleavage. The evidence of the awful secret she'd kept from him all this time—of the wedge that had lingered between them.

The emotions that flickered across his face were too complicated for her to read, but she knew that his anger had vanished, his eyes telling her so. He closed them, his breathing loud, drowning out her own. It startled her more than his yelling, cut at the heart within her that just wanted to be angry and fight. In disbelief she watched as tear after tear slid down his face until he suddenly got to his face, his tormented expression finding her before he was off to the bathroom, the sound of the shower meeting her ears when her brain finally processed the fact he'd really walked away.

Sitting there, staring at the empty space before her, Penny found she did not like it, like the feeling of Remus walking away from her when things felt unresolved. It was different than when Snape did it because she knew it was just one of his ways to throw a tantrum. But Remus, he was always the pillar of comfort in her life, never faltering even when things got hard. He'd always been there to teach and encourage her to choose communication over running.

But finding him unable to form words, it forced her to consider a new perspective on her mess; demonstrated the gravity of it that she had never acknowledged before. And for the first time since getting enmeshed in it all, life and love for that matter, felt terrifyingly fragile.

Feet moving, she pushed open the bathroom door he hadn't bothered to close all the way, the steam billowing into her face. She found none of his clothing on the floor and turned to the right, the glass on the shower fogged up.

She could make out the outline of his frame, sat on the floor of the shower, head in his hands, hot water beating down on him like all the thoughts clearly weighing on him.

"Remus?" Penny said tentatively. "I don't want to fight with you, Remus," she said, pushing the door open and stepping into the shower, not caring she was soaking her clothing.

She knelt down before him, hot water hitting the back of her head and dripping over the top of her face.

"Please," she said, reaching for his hands. He allowed her to coax them away.

"It never should have come to this," he said, his right hand pushing through hers and touching that skull. "I'd give them anything. But never you."

His fingers were tracing it now, the sorrow in his eyes going on for what seemed like forever, into the very depths of his soul.

"And you didn't think you could tell me." The agony deepened as he uttered his thoughts out loud. "I didn't see it, Penny. All the signs were there—all the while you were suffering, and I didn't see it." His voice was barely more than a whisper now, red eyes the only indicator he was weeping again. "I'm so sorry I didn't—" but the words got lodged in his throat, Penny leaning forward and taking both his cheeks in either hand.

"Listen to me, and listen good because I'm only going to say this once," Penny said, her voice blazing, making his eyes dart back to her face. "You don't always have to get it right. You can fuck up once in a while. In fact, I encourage you to so I can feel a little better about myself once in a while. I don't expect you to be perfect. I will love you, Remus, always love you with every fiber of my being no matter how many times we have to apologize for wrongs done, because all I want, all I have ever wanted is this—to be with you in this place where you have always met me, mistakes and all."

Strong hands grabbed her own cheeks, pulling Penny toward him until barely an inch separated them, heat flooding from the very core of her and into ever nerve in her body as she glanced down at his lips, water rolling over her face, his neck, her arms, drowning them in the thundering heat of it.

And Lupin, he watched her like she was the dawn, rising to meet him on the horizon, whispering to him promises of a beauty he only understood while looking at her.

That look of his, it cut right through her, finding the essence of her and promised the very soul hidden in her body to pave a road and build a house in this secret place of theirs so she might never forget: she could always find refuge in him.

Giving her a second tug, he crushed her against his chest, holding her tightly and covering her hair in kisses until the water ran cold and he picked her up in his arms and carried her back to bed.

Not caring they were both soaked to the bone, he laid down with her and wrapped her in his arms and blanket, pulling her as close as he could, and whispered in her ear until the sun rose, casting little shards of twinkling light through the room and they fell asleep; the heart in Penny's chest etching his words into every corner of herself so nothing could ever steal his promises from her.

Not time, memory, fate, not even death. They were hers, now and forever.

I love Lupin so much I sometimes wonder how this is a Snape fic? lol. I still prefer my angsty spy boy, and he will have his time to shine!

In other news, I started the ACOTR series and OMG...it's lucky I pulled myself out long enough to write this AHAHAHHA.

okay, I'm working on next update now, so toodles and hopefully be back here updating in a couple days!