October

Time here moves so much faster than at home. It's hard to believe it's already been close to a year. That should make things easier, but it doesn't. The other girls in my room still give me the evil eye. Class is still boring. She still didn't come to take me home.

Today is another holiday. Halloween. Last year they had party with a lot of visitors, cake and candy, but this year's plans for another party fell through. Instead, the staff have ordered pizza and rented a scary movie. For dinner, we all get two slices of pizza, a cupcake, a small bag filled with candy and a can of soda. We pile into the living room as best we can. Because we all have to fit, everyone squeezes in closer than I would like. Miss Vanderbelt turns the lights out and the movie plays on a big sheet on the wall.

The other kids get scared even before the movie actually starts. It's so nauseating I can't even eat my pizza. I don't want to be here, but the alternative is arts and crafts with the younger kids in another room. There are only two staff members for all of us tonight, so this is the easiest way for them to monitor us all. The kids my age and older are awful to be around, especially on holidays, but the younger kids are worse. They scream, they cry, whether it's out of joy, anger or sorrow, they are loud both in sound and with their emotions. I'll take my chances here and if it gets really bad, try to sneak away.
The first scene of the movie makes me reconsider not joining the smaller kids. A woman is slashed in half. Her blood and guts sprays everywhere. This is nothing compared to some of my nightmares, but combined with the discomfort and fear from the other kids, it's almost overbearing. Not even ten minutes later another woman is taking a shower when the monster appears and slashes her into lots of pieces. The other characters try to figure out what's going on and how to stop the monster, but slowly one by one they get murdered. One of them hides in a closet and the soundtrack goes silent except for footsteps. They get louder and louder, closer and closer to the closet door. Just as the door begins to crack open someone in our living room screams.
"Rat!" a girl yells and gets up. She runs, stepping on legs and hands on her way out, causing more screaming and then there's more rat sightings. Suddenly the room is in chaos. Something explodes and that causes more screaming. The sheet explodes next, spraying teared bits of fabric on everyone. Crap... That was me... I get up with the other kids and run to the only place I'll be safe, the library. I go into the shelves and pull my knees to my chest.

Breathe... just breathe... There's a white light around me, nothing can penetrate it, nothing. Their fear, their screams, everything bounces right off. Nothing can make it through. I am a fortress.

I sit for a long time and when the house calms down I go to the bedroom. The other girls are getting ready for bed and complaining about how they shouldn't have to. I ignore them and change into my pajamas before going to brush my teeth. By the time I'm done the light is already off. I get into bed and close my eyes. For all the complaining the other girls did they're being pretty quiet now. Hopefully we can all just get some sleep.

"Hello little girl…" he says. No... It's just a dream, It's just a dream. But it feels, different. "That's because it's not just a dream." My chest tightens and it feels like I can't breathe. I look around but there's nowhere to run. Every time I turn, he's there. Smoke and mist surround us. His shadow rises from it, red eyes glowing and he stares down at me.

"Fulfil your destiny or I'll make you kill all of them." His words are almost joyful. Like he enjoys the idea of forcing me to murder the other kids. "What's wrong? Did I scare you?" he mocks.

"No..." The word is barley a whisper and I don't even know if I said it out loud.

"You will." he says. I shake my head because I don't trust my mouth to work anyway. His big red hand reaches down and just as it's about to grab me I feel myself scream.

"Wake up!" Someone shakes me. I blinked a few times. It's Miss Vanderbelt. "You had a nightmare." I'm out of breath and sweat drips from my forehead. I sit up and glance around the room. He isn't here. The other little girls stare at me. "You were screaming."

"…" I forgot the duct tape, but I'm glad. If I hadn't screamed, I would still be trapped there... with him.

"Are you okay?" she asks. I nod, but it's a lie. "Try and go back to sleep, it was just a dream. That movie was a bad idea." She goes to the door and turns the lights out. I wish she wouldn't.

I skip breakfast because before I even make it to the dining hall, I can tell kids are looking at me again, the way they used to. In the way that makes me know I'm weird. They must have heard me scream. Even if they didn't, I'm sure the girls in my room wouldn't keep quiet about it. I go straight to the library, glad it's the weekend and we don't have class. Ugh... I haven't been having nightmares that often anymore. Why now? Was it the movie?

Richard shows up soon after and does whatever it is he always does, but I catch him looking at me a few times. That means I was right to skip breakfast. The other kids must be talking about it. Hopefully they don't connect me with what happened to the sheet. If that happens, I'm toast. I don't even know what Mrs. Huntington will do, or Azar.

As if that thought alone summoned her, the library door opens and Mrs. Huntington comes in. I didn't think she'd be here today. She's been spending weekends with her own family. She stands in the doorway and stares at me. She doesn't even look at Richard. I close my book and get up, because she must have heard what happened yesterday.

When I get to the door she turns around and I follow her back to her office. She closes the door behind me and then goes to sit behind her desk, but I don't sit down.

"What were you thinking?" she slams her hand on the desk. "Using your powers, drawing attention to yourself, need I go on? Were those guardians of yours not clear that you are to keep a low profile?"

"..." Nothing she said is wrong. I have done a bad job.

"Do you want to help him that badly?" Anger and fear radiate off her, but even if I couldn't sense her feelings, I would be able to see it. It's in her eyes, the tension in her shoulders and the slight curve of her fingertips as they coil up to hold the side of her face in her palm. They curve ever so slightly like the claws of a cat, like she wants to gouge my eyes out.

"...I forgot the tape," I mumble.

"What nonsense are you spouting now?" she asks. I shake my head. "I can't stop rumors, so you need to stop starting them. From today on I want you to be invisible." I nod my head so she will know that I heard her. "No more screaming at night and don't use your powers again. If you can't control them, then you can't stay here." What? I have to stay here. There's nowhere else for me to go.

"..." I want to ask her what that means, but the look in her eyes tells me I can't.

"What are we going to do about the nightmares?" Does she really think I have an answer? "Well?" I look at my feet because I'm not sure what to say. If I had a way to stop them, I would have by now. "Do you think they'll stop?" I shrug.

"Maybe." They did stop for a while, but they also happened for a while and these ones are different. These ones are almost real, because he's real in them. It's not just me dreaming this time. He's there, but if I tell her that... She's already angry and afraid. If she finds out that he's trying to make me help him get here, who knows what she'll do. Azar was very clear she won't let me go back and if this woman won't let me stay here...

"Do you think it was the movie?" she asks. No, but I nod because I don't want to tell her the truth. The movie might have helped him. It was scary and upsetting, all of the other kids feeling swirling around and making it hard to keep my guard up. It could have helped him, but it's not exactly the movie. It would have eventually happened anyway.

"Get out. Think about what I said." I turn around and open the door, but I don't go back to the library. I go sit by the basement door because it's dark and quiet, or at least as quiet as this house gets. If I go to the library Richard will still be there and I want to be alone.

Tonight, I won't forget the duct tape. If I don't scream for a while they'll forget. The rumors aren't something that can be stopped right away, but they can be stopped. Something else will happen. Someone will wet the bed or another holiday will come. They'll forget. Christmas is right around the corner. No one will care what I do around then. I just have to be good. If I can just get through then without drawing attention to myself things will be fine.

I skip lunch, but go to dinner because I know that part of not drawing attention to myself is blending in and being like everyone else. If I keep skipping meals they'll notice and then that'll be another strike against me, another thing that makes me different. Instead of just eating I watch the other kids and how they interact with each other. There's a lot of talking and a bit of the usual taunting and teasing. One of the older boys is scooping all his peas onto Garfield's plate and telling him something that makes his face turn sour. The girls in my room are split between a few other tables with some of the boys in our class. At one of those tables a boy chugs some milk and then shoots it out of his nose causing some of the kids to scream that he's gross and others to laugh. They're all together. I'm the only one who sits alone, but if I join them now, after a year that would be weird, so maybe this is my normal.

After dinner I go to the library. Richard shows up later, but I ignore him, even when I catch him looking at me once. If he tries to say anything or start a conversation. I'll leave and find somewhere else. He doesn't though. He just does whatever he always does. When it's time for bed I don't want to go, but I have to. Tonight, I don't forget the tape.

I turn over in bed. Someone turns the light on. No one's by the light switch though and the door is open. Did I do it with my powers? But I don't think I did... I didn't mean to. I look at the other girls' bunks. Surely, they're just as confused as I am, but they aren't there. Where did they go? I move my hand to the tape over my mouth, but it's not there... I would have woken up if someone had taken it off and I'm sure... I'm sure I put it on!

The blankets fall on the floor as I roll over the side of the bed and get up. The other girls are definitely gone. I go into the hall; the lights are all on and all the doors are open. I step into each doorway, but no one is there. Where is everyone?

"AAAAHHH!" The scream is coming from downstairs. My legs are faster than my brain. I run, almost falling down the stairs, but I catch myself on the rail and keep going. I stop so fast on the bottom step that I do fall. There's blood, everywhere is blood. He's here and he's ripping them all to shreds. His giant hand wraps around Miss Vanderbelt's waist. He turns to smile at me before ripping her into two pieces.

I'm choking for air. I rip the tape off and gasp, sucking in air as fast as I can. It's the middle of the night. Holy freaking cow. That was awful. The other girls. I get up and look, but they're all still in their beds. It was just a dream.