Chapter 25 – Lost and Found

Author's Note: In which Theseus and Anakin search for Ahsoka... who finds her way back. :)

~ Amina Gila

It's been days now, and there's still no sign of Ahsoka anywhere. Theseus sits next to Anakin beside a galactic holomap. They aren't really getting anywhere either, but Anakin refuses to give up even though he's been awake practically nonstop since it happened. Theseus knows they both should really get some sleep soon, but he doubts he could even if he tried.

He looks up at the sound of someone approaching, to see Plo heading down the staircase into the room. "Have you found anything?"

"Not yet," Theseus responds with a sigh. He absolutely refuses to give up, but he can't stop thinking about her. If it was something too bad, they would feel it, right? He doesn't know. She could be on the farthest side of the galaxy for all he knows, and their bond isn't that strong, all things considered.

"What is Ahsoka's strength?" Plo inquires, looking to Anakin.

"She is fearless," Anakin answers immediately.

"That can also be a weakness. Is she a worthy apprentice?" He circles around behind them, stopping with his back facing the holomap table.

"No one has her kind of determination."

"Except you."

"I'll find her," Anakin insists firmly.

"This may not be within your power," Plo declares, finally turning around to face them.

Frustration flashes across Anakin's face as he turns away from the holomap. "Whatever you're trying to say, Master Plo, just say it."

"I am suggesting that perhaps, if you have trained her well, she shall take care of herself, and find a way back to you," he answers, heading back for the staircase. That – well, Theseus knows that it's true, and he does have a point. Ahsoka is very experienced, but at the same time, he's not sure if it's enough to get through whatever situation she's in. He knows that wherever she is, she'll be doing everything in her power to find her way back, and maybe that in part is the problem, because if she's been captured by the Separatists and won't stop trying to escape... No, he needs to have more faith in her abilities. He can't let himself think like that.

"Maybe we should stop and get some rest," Theseus suggests finally.

"You go ahead. I'm staying here."

"You know we'll be much more effective if we're not both falling asleep on our feet tomorrow morning," he quips, even though he knows it takes more than a few days for that to happen.

"There's no time," Anakin insists.

"Fine. I'll stay... for a while." Theseus concedes. He may or may not have ended up falling asleep on the edge of the table.

**w**

They're still at the holomap a few days later when Theseus' comm suddenly beeps. His mother. "Yes, Master?" he greets as he answers. Anakin looks up from the map to listen.

"We found Ahsoka. She's on her way back to the Temple with several other previously missing padawans; they have escaped their captivity from a gang of Trandoshans."

Ahsoka. She's – she's alive. She's alright. Relief doesn't even begin to encompass the surge of overwhelming emotions that engulf him. He'd feared the worst, but like Plo said, she's found her way back.

"We're coming over," Anakin replies instantly, sprinting for the door with the other padawan a few steps behind. He was supposed to take care of her, but he failed. A million questions are forming in his mind, desperate to know if she's alright and what happened and how it happened, but those thoughts are washed away in the face of the desperate guilt crushing him. He'd made a stupid mistake and she could have died for it. What kind of master lets their padawan get kidnapped, anyway?

By the time they reach the hanger, Ahsoka is already there with a group of Wookies and several council members, along with two other padawans Anakin doesn't pay any attention to. "Ahsoka!" he calls, running to her. He longs to hug her, but people are watching, and he won't. It's hardly appropriate. He settles for resting a hand on her shoulder, and she reaches up to grip his arm.

She's back, though her presence is a touch darker and less wild than it was before, forever changed by this experience. Her face and body are covered with dirt, but her eyes are as bright as ever. She's glad to see him again, and it only serves to worsen his guilt.

"It is good to see you safe, little Soka," Plo tells her as he walks past Anakin. She nods, eyes never leaving his face.

"Ahsoka, I am so sorry," he begins desperately, knowing how inadequate it sounds after what happened.

"For what?"

He turns away, unable to look at her. "For letting you go, for letting you get taken. It was my fault."

"No Master," she objects softly, and it's jarring how different she is. "It wasn't your fault."

"I should've paid more attention. I should've tried harder."

"You already did everything you could, everything you had to do." She was the one hurt, yet she's the one comforting him. It's wrong. "When I was out there, alone –" His fault. "– all I had was your training and the lessons you taught me. And because of you, I did survive." She looks up at him again, and he meets her gaze even as much as it hurts. She's as pure and honest as ever. Ahsoka actually believes that whatever he taught her was what was able to help her find her way out, even if it's hard for him to accept. He knows what happened was dark – he can feel her changes, her sense of new-found maturity – yet she's still stubbornly insisting on only seeing the bright side. "And not only that, but I was able to lead others to survive as well."

"I don't know what to say," he admits finally. It's the first time in a long, long time he's been at a complete loss of words.

"I do. Thank you, Master."

There are a million things he wants to say, but now isn't the time to say them. "You're welcome, my Padawan," he replies gently, returning her bow.

Theseus moves forwards from where he's been watching from the side. "It's good to have you back, Ahsoka."

"It's good to be back," she agrees fiercely, turning to him.

"Are you alright?" he asks. "Do you need to get checked in the healers wing?"

"I think a change of clothes is in order first," Anakin points out, waving the two of them along. He doesn't want to have their much-needed talk in front of a bunch of people.

"Good idea," she agrees. "Let's go."

**w**

After Ahsoka told the boys a shortened version of what happened, Anakin leaves so she can talk to Theseus alone. They've needed to talk for a while, and she'd feared, for a long time, when she was captured that they were never going to see each other again. Even though they hadn't even had time to have a truly peaceful conversation since Mortis. Yes, they've teased each other as they used to, but there's always been an underlying tension to it.

"Things haven't been the same between us since Mortis," Ahsoka begins finally. She's never had a conversation like this with anyone before, so she most definitely is nervous, but they have to sort this out.

"I know," Theseus says quietly, "So... um. Just say whatever you need to say, and I won't interrupt." Where does she even start? She's thought about this for a while, but everything she had in mind to say promptly disappears from memory the moment she's ready to say it. And now she's even more nervous than before, which is utterly ridiculous. They've been friends their whole life. It can't be that hard to talk to each other – or maybe that's exactly the problem. This is what they need to fix.

"Well, I can't understand how you could have Fallen like that and attacked Anakin and Master Obi-Wan."

"I was being stupid," he replies, "I was lost in the Dark Side. I couldn't control myself at the time."

Ahsoka knew it already, but she still needed to hear it. "How are you doing? Recently?" It's been hard for her to accept that her best friend, for all intents and purposes, betrayed the Jedi, but somewhere deep down she knows it wasn't entirely his fault, and it makes it easier to forgive.

"I can't go back to pretending to agree with everything the Council and Code say," he offers after a moment of consideration.

"We were raised that way. I don't understand how you could turn your back on everything we grew up being taught."

"It's not all right. Not entirely. I can't always blindly follow what other people tell me, even if it's all I've ever heard. I don't see the Jedi helping the galaxy like they're supposed to be."

"They're doing the best they can," she replies, though it feels lame.

"But it's clearly not enough. Something needs to be done differently," Theseus objects. Well, she can kind of see his point, but that doesn't mean she agrees with the decision that he made. That's not the answer either.

"That doesn't mean the Dark Side is the answer."

"I understand that now, but I can't believe pretending it doesn't exist is the answer, either."

"What do you think, then?"

"I haven't entirely figured that out," Theseus admits, looking vaguely amused for a moment, "But regardless, we don't have to always seen eye-to-eye on everything. That doesn't mean we have to argue about it either."

She can't say she's entirely happy with what he's saying, but at the same time, it doesn't bother her as much as it did before the Trandoshan incident. She only wants things to be resolved. "True," Ahsoka concedes finally. "I don't want to keep this between us, but I can't understand how you believe what you do."

"Don't worry. Not like I'm planning to go all out Dark Sider on someone. I don't use it any more than Master Windu does."

"If you say so," she counters doubtfully. She's already said everything she could, and she doesn't want to argue with him anymore. "When I was out there," she adds after another pause of silence, "I was afraid we might never see each other again." He nods, letting her continue speaking. "I didn't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like there's an uncrossable river between us."

"I don't either," he says, "So, are things settled?"

"Yes, I think so." Ahsoka steps forwards, pulling him into a hug. No matter what, he's still her best friend and even if they aren't entirely seeing eye to eye anymore, she won't let that affect their friendship again. It's not something she ever wants to lose.

**w**

The rumors are all over the Temple. Anakin had accompanied Senator Amidala – is it just Theseus, or does he get an awful lot of missions involving her? – to Naboo to investigate the rumors that the Gungans were planning an attack on the capital, Theed. And apparently, Grievous showed up in the middle of it all, and then ended up being captured, but at the same time, Dooku managed to capture Anakin. Padme had agreed to the prisoner exchange, so they have Anakin back now, but he's currently still in the medbay.

And seriously, Theseus cannot believe that he's heard some of the Jedi saying that they shouldn't have agreed to the exchange. It's not like Grievous is the one in charge of the war. He's another one of Dooku's pawns. Just because they managed to keep him prisoner, that doesn't mean the war would be ending any faster. But what it would mean is that the Separatists would have Anakin, and he's seen a little of the times that they have captured him. He's never been in very good condition by the time he gets back, so the fact that he's still in the medbay is frankly disturbing.

Not to mention that it's a simple matter of strategizing. If they lost Anakin, it would be a huge blow to the Republic, and the Separatists well might have attacked and gotten Grievous back before any other Jedi managed to get there to help. Naboo might have been mostly spared, but the galaxy as a whole would have paid the cost. Theseus cannot understand what's wrong with people sometimes.

By the time he and Ahsoka arrive in the medbay to see Anakin, Obi-Wan is already there. The Jedi healer stops in the doorway of the room, warning Anakin not to even think about trying to leave the healer's wing yet, or even trying to get out of bed, since he needs to be resting right now. "None of you should stay for long," she adds as she disappears out the door, ignoring Anakin rolling his eyes in exasperation in the background.

"How do you always get yourself in these ridiculous predicaments?" the Jedi Master asks, a touch of fond exasperation in his voice.

"I feel fine!" Anakin all but whines. "I don't need to be stuck in here overnight."

"It's the only way to make sure you stay down," Ahsoka chirps, perching on the side of his bed.

"Yeah," he agrees grumpily, propping himself up on his right arm, "Well, I still don't think it's necessary."

"Because apparently nothing relating to your health is 'necessary'." Theseus almost rolls his eyes. "Moving until you collapse is generally not a good idea."

"I wasn't planning to, and it's not like I'm 'about to collapse' anyway, so you can stop fretting," Anakin huffs. "Honestly, it's not like it's any worse than... usual." Because apparently that's supposed to make Theseus feel better about it. How he can so casually talk about being captured by the Separatists and tortured and whatever happened exactly is beyond him.

"And you usually stay in the healers wing for a day, so that's what you're doing this time too," Obi-Wan informs him flatly. "Everyone does it, not just you."

Anakin flops back on the bed, grumbling something inaudible that likely was very unflattering under his breath. "Maybe I just don't want to be stuck here right now."

"Then maybe you should sleep," Ahsoka says cheekily.

He sighs in a way that makes him look as worn out as he really is, despite his insistence to the contrary. "I can't."

Theseus can only guess why, and he really, really wants to go murder Dooku right about now. He does not take kindly to anyone hurting his family, and he knows Anakin well enough to tell that he's often not as alright as he pretends to be, which makes him wonder exactly how bad this was. Anakin may have claimed it was just "the usual" but something tells him that whatever happened when Dooku captured him this time, it was a lot worse. Very possibly because the Sith himself was there.

"Then we'll stay until the healers throw us out," Ahsoka offers brightly.

"For now, you can," he agrees.

**w**

"You have to be cheating!" Ahsoka growls in frustration.

"Don't be a sore loser," chides Theseus, not bothering to conceal his smirk.

"I'm not! You've won the last five rounds! That is not normal." She crosses her arms, staring at him grumpily.

"I've had time to practice playing while you were busy fighting."

"No fair," Ahsoka pouts dramatically. "You're supposed to on mediative leave, not playing leave."

"Sorry, but I'm not going to meditate constantly for months. Only my master could do that."

Anakin snorts quietly, and Obi-Wan shoots him a look from where he sits at the opposite end of the couch, occupied with... whatever Council work he always does. Theseus has heard enough to know that he never, ever wants to be on the Council, not that they'd offer him a seat anyway.

"It's true," Anakin protests.

Theseus is certainly glad that he was able to work things out with Ahsoka so quickly. Even if they don't entirely agree with each other anymore, at least they're back to getting along again. They've always been friends, he supposes, and nothing will ever change that.

Maybe even something a little more than best friends, he can't help but think as his mind drifts back to that moment in the Coruscant cantina when they were trying to find Boba Fett and Aurra Sing. And... strangely, he finds that he doesn't feel guilty about what happened there anymore. Not since he started seeing things differently on Mortis. Now that he looks at it, not blinded by the Jedi's rules, he sees it for what it was, and understands that there was nothing wrong with what happened there. If it was, the rest of the galaxy wouldn't have families. Being Force-sensitive doesn't mean he's any more or less human than the rest of them.

"Who were you playing dejarik with when no one else was around?" asks Obi-Wan, eyeing Theseus oddly.

"The Holonet," he says cheerfully.

"... Pardon?"

Anakin sighs dramatically. "Really, Master? Haven't you ever heard of playing Dejarik against the holonet? Literally everybody does that these days."

Obi-Wan looks confused.

Theseus groans. Adults. Seriously. They are so clueless sometimes.

"I'm opting out of this now," Ahsoka announces, climbing back onto the couch between Anakin and Obi-Wan. "Feel free to go for a round or two, Master."

"Sure!" Anakin agrees with a grin that borders on evil, taking a seat across from Theseus.

It's sometimes hard to remember that he's not entirely as alright as he's been pretending most of their week off. Normally they would have had longer, but there is a war going on and Anakin is one of the best generals. Just because he went through something traumatic, it doesn't get him off for as long as it probably should. Anakin wants things to go back to normal, to give himself something else to focus on, so Theseus won't complain, though it worries him.

It reminds him of himself back in the day, when he didn't really want or know how to take care of himself properly, too focused on the war and everyone else. It's unsettling to see the same signs on Anakin. It's something he's tempted to mention, but he isn't sure how to go about it without upsetting him. Maybe he should bring his concerns to Obi-Wan. He might know what to do. Maybe.

But after Anakin's short leave-time ends, Theseus will be going back to the front again, and he can't believe it. It feels like it's been forever. He's a mixture of excited and worried. He wants to go back, and that thought scares him to a point, but he feels far more... balanced. He trusts himself and his judgment now, and he's confident in his own abilities to make the right choices, regardless of what the Order will say about it. Doing what's right is more important than following orders, he fully understands that now, even if it will get himself into a lot of arguments with his master. He's certain it will, but that's something to be dealt with later.

This is one of his last days off, something Obi-Wan only told him earlier today. He hadn't been expecting it to be quite so soon though Windu had mentioned it a few weeks back. It is a war, after all. No one has time. He has to admit that the last couple months have been some of the best that he's had since before the war started, but it will definitely be good to be back on the fronts. And when he does, he's determined to actually make a difference this time.

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