Chapter 36 – A Fight from the Shadows

Author's Note: In which the struggle on Onderon begins, and Theseus and Ahsoka talk about their feelings. ^-^

~ Amina Gila

Theseus never thought he was going to end up teaching battle strategies like this someday. He and Caleb are sitting in the living room of his mother's apartment as he talks to the boy about strategies.

It's weird that technically Caleb is his padawan-brother too now, since he was briefly Athea's padawan. Not to mention he'd still be a bit like a brother regardless, since his mother is raising him. He never thought one day he might end up looking at someone as a younger sibling, but that's unquestionably how he's starting to see the boy. It's been several weeks since he became a padawan, after all, and spending time helping him is a good excuse to get out of Obi-Wan's apartment.

Even now, Theseus doesn't really feel comfortable hanging out with his master, and it hurts. Things have changed, and he's learned well after Mortis that they're past normal.

Just then, Theseus' comm beeps. It's Obi-Wan. "Yes, Master?" he replies immediately.

"I need you to meet me back at our apartment immediately. There's a situation," Obi-Wan explains. Always another situation, it seems.

"On my way, Master," Theseus assures, disconnecting the call and turning to Caleb. "I guess I have to go."

"Just when we were getting started," he agrees, sounding mildly disappointed.

"More like just when we were getting to the more... interesting stuff."

"Honestly, I'm not sure I'd call any of this interesting, exactly," Caleb mumbles under his breath as Theseus heads for the door.

"Well, don't worry, you'll appreciate it a lot more eventually," he calls over his shoulder as he slips out into the hall, and then sprints for the apartment. What could possibly have happened this time?

Obi-Wan is waiting outside when he arrives. "A group of rebels on Onderon contacted the Council, requesting assistance in overthrowing the Separatist government on the planet."

"Isn't that like... something we technically aren't allowed to get involved in?" Theseus queries with a frown.

"Openly, yes," agrees Obi-Wan, "The Republic will not send assistance as long as the monarch is loyal to the Separatists. Anakin suggested to the Council that we go there to train the rebels on how to fight."

Why does he sound so doubtful? "And they agreed?" he deduces.

Obi-Wan nods. "I'm going with him to observe how this new strategy will work. You should come as well." For whatever reason, there's a note in his voice that implies he's not pleased with this, and Theseus isn't even sure why. It sounds like a strategy that – if used on a larger scale – could work to bring the war to a much faster end. Finally.

Then why does he sound so skeptical? Or is because it's Anakin's idea? A surge of bitterness rises inside of him at the thought. After the Hardeen incident, and seeing how little anyone, not even Obi-Wan, respects Anakin, Theseus doesn't even find the thought surprising. But it definitely does make him more than a little angry.

"When do we leave?" he asks instead, because that's a far easier question to deal with.

"As soon as Anakin is ready to go."

**w**

Ahsoka is radiating a strange amount of excitement as she, Theseus, Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Rex all fly overhead the Onderon forest. Theseus throws a questioning glance her direction. There's no way she could be that excited for a mission like this, unless he's missing something. She seems to understand what it is he's asking.

"Lux will be there," she tells him a low voice.

Wait, Lux?! Oh. Oh. Eagerness and a slight flare of annoyance or maybe even jealousy run through Theseus at the same moment. He wasn't exactly friends with Lux – they didn't know each other long enough for that – but at the same time they weren't exactly not either. Still, Ahsoka's current excitement reminds him all over again about how she obviously feels towards Lux, even if he knows they were friends too, so it's not like that's the only reason she's looking forward to seeing him again. It probably wouldn't be bothering him so much if he wasn't feeling so... irritated and emotionally drained with his life, in general, right now, he supposes.

They need to talk about this. They've always been friends, and he can't let something as ridiculous as this become a problem between them. Obviously, though, now is hardly the right time.

The shuttle finally flies to the right spot above the trees, and the ramp lowers, allowing the five of them to jump down into the forest below. Theseus senses movement in the trees almost as soon as the ship is safely out of sight. He can sense almost as much as see blasters being leveled at them from all around, before a dark-skinned girl riding a strange creature ride out from between the trees.

Once they explain who they are, she introduces herself as Steela, inviting them to come along as she heads back to the hidden rebel base. A young man who looks a lot like her, who introduces himself as Saw Gerrera, is the next to greet them. Apparently, he's the unofficial and totally unelected leader of the group.

The rebels are hurrying about, carrying supplies around under Rex's instructions when Ahsoka slips away from them, heading over to where Lux is standing a short distance off. Steela moves over to join them, so Theseus turns his gaze back to Anakin and Obi-Wan. "So, what do you think?" Anakin is asking.

"I am cautiously optimistic," Obi-Wan replies.

"I know it's rather... unusual, but I'm sure it will work," Theseus remarks.

"Still, we can't have this turning into terrorism," insists the Jedi Master.

Umm...? "I think the only ones we'll be terrorizing are the droids."

"We must watch closely to see how the people will react to what the rebels are doing," asserts Obi-Wan.

"Of course," Theseus finally agrees, sensing an unusually large amount of discomfort from Anakin.

The other rebels are finally returning with the supplies, which pretty much ends the conversation. Theseus slips away from the others when he sees Lux making his way back over to them. Ahsoka is still talking to Steela, who seems a little annoyed about something, he's not exactly sure what.

"Hey, Lux," Theseus greets, approaching the other boy.

"I wasn't expecting you to be here," he returns the greeting amicably.

"I wasn't expecting you to be."

"Onderon is my home planet," Lux explains.

Oh. "I... didn't know that," he admits lamely, then glances at where the rebels are starting to gather, "We should get back to the others." It's training time.

Theseus loses track of time as they focus on training the rebels, starting with going over how to destroy tanks, before finally moving on to taking out destroyer droids. As Rex finishes giving out instructions, he finally tosses a bomb to Saw.

"Watch and learn," Saw smirks at Lux, then throws his bomb. It promptly bounces off the destroyer's shield.

"Quite brilliant," Lux teases, and Saw glares at him.

Ahsoka tosses one to Lux, who tries and actually succeeds. "Nice touch," she compliments, the two of them exchanging a smile. Theseus can't quite suppress another flare of something near annoyance running through him. Steela's eyeing them with far more visible frustration, and he can't help but think that there's something going on between her and Lux, especially when she rather rudely pushes past him, approaching the destroyers herself.

Theseus throws a bomb to her, which she tries to throw and fails. "Good try," he compliments anyway.

"Be mindful of your frustration. It will only hold you back," Obi-Wan adds.

Lux heads over to Steela, resting a hand on her shoulder as he begins trying to demonstrate how it's supposed to be thrown. Ahsoka turns away, a flash of something that he doesn't quite catch crossing her face. She's upset too, he realizes. She's likely being torn between him and Lux, plus the fact that Steela is there.

Theseus moves in between the gathered people to stand next to Ahsoka. "Are you..." he trails off, suddenly uncertain how to even approach this, seeing as he's probably part of the problem here. Still, they're best friends, and if she's upset, he has to do something.

She looks up in slight surprise. "Yeah," she says unconvincingly after a moment, "And you?"

"I... think we should talk about this. Later," Theseus replies. Because they can't very well have an emotional talk here when they need to be focusing on the training.

Ahsoka nods her agreement, turning to go as Saw approaches them, suggesting she come help him practice. Theseus heads off to help some of the other rebels, his mind returning fully to the mission, and he loses track of everyone else.

They spend a while longer on destroyers before moving on to target practice.

Steela is just taking aim at another droid when she suddenly freezes. "Wait a minute," she says, fear creeping into her voice, "What is that?"

"Droids!" Saw exclaims as Theseus whirls towards where they're both looking. The Force screams in warning a laser blast flies through the air, tearing into the ground all around them. He dives out of the way, whipping out his lightsaber as the long lines of regular and super battle droids marching into view open fire.

He already knows they can't attack. If they did, they'd not only be fighting the rebels' war for them, they'd also be letting the Separatists know Jedi are involved if anyone came by to look at the debris and noticed lightsaber marks on the droids. Theseus backs away to a more concealed location as he spins his blade furiously, deflecting the shots away. Even if he can't attack, at least he can defend them.

Ignoring any of Obi-Wan's protests in the background about how they should be evacuating, Saw and the other rebels begin throwing disruptors into the droid's ranks, blowing up dozens of them. Still, Theseus knows the fight is far from over. They're going to get overrun unless they can figure something else out, and fast.

Especially when he hears an all too familiar sound, and then tanks roll into view, along with dozens more droids. Steela finds a solution quick enough, blasting open the fences holding in their animals, and soon, the unfortunate droids are being trampled right and left.

It isn't long before all the droids are destroyed, the rebels are retreating from the position to regroup. They won, at least for now. But now it's time to move on to the next stage of the rebellion. Heading into the city.

**w**

Keeping his hood pulled up over his head, Theseus moves silently in between the alley ways of the city of Iziz, watching the proceedings.

His gaze falls on Lux and Ahsoka for a moment. The two are walking side by side down the street, before Lux finally steps away, darting over to crouch behind a crate, throwing a bomb into the midst of the droids as a group rounds the corner.

"Are you okay?" Anakin whispers to him as they slip down the streets together, heading for a rooftop where Steela will be waiting.

"Of course," he replies almost automatically, shooting him a confused look. Why's he asking?

"You're... a bit preoccupied."

Oh. He didn't realize it was that obvious. "It's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing," Anakin objects quietly.

For a moment, he wants to admit the truth, but Theseus hastily forces the urge away. Unless Anakin already knows, he doesn't want to admit to how he feels towards Ahsoka to anyone, or mention her relationship with Lux. They're Jedi. It's... not done.

They pause at the building which Steela is waiting atop for them. Anakin pats his shoulder. "I understand, to a point, what it's like," he admits. He does? "Just remember, try to put purpose ahead of feeling."

From how many times he got a less-understandable worded version of that from Obi-Wan... "Of course." How would Anakin know how this feels? Theseus decides not to comment as they Carefully climb into the roof. He can't, for the life of him, imagine Anakin being stuck in a weird love-triangle. Actually, it's far more complicated than that. It's more like... a pentagon.

He tries to force those thoughts away, refocusing on Steela shooting down the droids.

**w**

"This should be enough for today," Saw decides finally. Ahsoka nods her agreement as a tank rolls into view. They don't need to get into taking down one of those today, especially not since they keep sending in more and more reinforcements to back it up. They've already done enough damage anyway, and it's time to discuss the situation.

"Your success will not go unnoticed," Anakin declares, looking between the rebels as they all take seats inside their base. Ahsoka sits between Anakin and Theseus. Her gaze lingers on Lux for a moment – who's standing next to Steela – before she tries to return her attention to the conversation.

She didn't realize until this moment how much she still cared about Lux. It's awkward, being here with both him and Theseus together for such an extended period of time. It's reminding her of what she sometimes wants, even if she knows it's not something she'd ever have anyway as a Jedi.

Theseus has always been her best friend, and she'd always put him first like he would do the same, but she can't deny how she feels towards Lux either. And in a lot of ways, she could actually see something like that with him a lot more. It's just... confusing. Theseus is right. They do need to talk about this.

"We need to be mindful of public perception," Obi-Wan is saying, pulling her back to present, "What were your observations, Padawans?"

"The people were fearful, Master," she replies.

"They don't know our intentions, so they're understandably wary," Theseus supplies.

"Indeed. Judging from the reactions I saw today, I'm afraid they will mistake your intentions," Obi-Wan replies.

"We need to do more damage," Saw declares firmly, "A few dozen broken-down droids will do little to free Onderon."

"The people need to believe we can succeed. Without their support, our efforts are meaningless," Steela concurs.

"If they're afraid, they won't support us. We need to assure them of our intentions," Lux replies.

"I don't understand," Saw objects, "Why are they afraid?"

"They're afraid we're not strong enough to win. We need to earn their trust," Steela explains.

"You'll have plenty of time to do that," Anakin speaks up again, "All of you are going to be very busy." Of all of them, he really is the best at knowing how to talk to the rebels, Ahsoka can't help but note.

And that soon leads the rebels to decide that it's time for them to hit a bigger target. The power generator station.

"We will share the developments with the Jedi Council," Obi-Wan decides as the four Jedi and Rex step out onto the streets, away from the rest of the rebels. It's time for them to return to Coruscant. "Ahsoka and Theseus will remain here as advisors. Monitor them and report back with their progress."

Ahsoka looks up at the sudden hand resting on her shoulder. "Are you up for it, Snips? Or would you like to return to Coruscant?"

Would she? She considers it for a moment. The situation is literally messing with her head, but she's really glad to be here with Lux again. No, she doesn't want to go, even if it's difficult to be here. Someone has to, and... she couldn't leave for herself if Lux and the rebels here are going to be in danger. "No, Master, I want to stay," she decides finally.

"Good," he says. He glances at Theseus, eyes lingering for a few minutes before turning away.

"We should continue to provide supplies and credits, but they must learn to operate on their own. Their survival depends on it," Obi-Wan declares, as he turns to walk away.

"I understand, Master," Theseus responds.

"Remember your purpose," Anakin calls back before he heads off after the others.

**w**

"Why is the light off?" Ahsoka asks as she slips into the room where she and Theseus have been staying. Time for that talkthey need to have. They haven't had time until now, being as they spend the entire afternoon and evening blowing up the power station.

Theseus gives her a half smile. "I figured it would be easier to talk in the dark."

Okayyy, then. "You humans are weird," she teases as she takes a seat next to him.

"Thanks," he deadpans.

Back on topic. Suddenly, she doesn't know what to even say. "Where do we start?" she asks finally.

Theseus seems to be mulling over that for a few moments before replying. "Why don't we start with... being open with each other. About how we feel."

Ahsoka nods, hesitating a moment before she starts talking. Talking about emotional things like this so openly isn't something she has an easy time with – although being Anakin's padawan certainly made it far easier than it was – but she knows they need to do it. "I know there's been something more between us than just friends ever since... that day," she says finally, "I suppose I never really thought about it much, though, until I ran into Lux. I do care about him too, but he's with Steela anyway, so..."

Theseus nods slowly. "Yeah, I know. The same was true for me too... until around Mortis." He smiles wryly for a moment. "I suppose I should add there's someone else I also thought of a little like that too, but it's also something I know couldn't go anywhere because of her situation." Well, that is good to know. Ahsoka had no idea. She's not sure who he could be talking about, but it doesn't really matter right now.

"What do you want, in all this?" Theseus asks after a moment, "You know, practicality aside."

"I don't know," Ahsoka admits, "I know we're Jedi so it really shouldn't matter anyway, but I suppose it still does, at least to a point. Ever since... Hardeen," she trails off. She can't look at the Jedi the same way anymore, and it hurts. She knows, now, that they'll go to any means necessary to achieve their goals, no matter who gets hurt in their way. Even if they are trying to do what's best, they aren't always right like she used to believe.

"I know," Theseus says quietly, "I've thought about... leaving before, but..."

Before, Ahsoka would never be able to understand how he could even think something like that, but now... "I have too," she admits, "But it's always been my – our lives. It's not something I could decide right now. But, back on topic, I'm not really ready for a relationship like that anyway. I don't even know for sure if I actually want too... you know."

"Yeah," Theseus agrees, "I... do want that with someone. At least some day. I want... more than the family we can have in the Order. I suppose since we've always been best friends and only had each other I kind of assume that if I ever did, it would be with you, but at the same time..."

She's pretty sure he's thinking about whoever that other person is. "You can almost see yourself with... her even more?" She guesses, suppressing a pang of jealousy.

He nods. "Yeah, even if I know it's not really realistic."

"I can say the same about Lux," she admits, even if it almost hurts to admit.

Silence falls over them for a few moments before Theseus speaks up again. "Hey, think about it like this. We've always been best friends, and there's no reason anything ever needs to change that. Maybe it is better for both of us if we stay as just friends?"

Maybe he's right, even if Ahsoka doesn't really want to admit it right now. She knows he doesn't either. They're loyal to each other first because they've always been friends, not necessarily because that's what either of them wants more. "Maybe," she agrees finally, "And if we ever change our minds one day, we still can."

Ahsoka scoots closer to him, turning so she can slip an arm around him. Theseus returns the gesture immediately, pulling her into a tight hug. She's missed this, having some proper time to spend with him, especially without any confusing thoughts as to their relationship.

She wraps her arms tighter around him, resting her head on his shoulder. "If we're never anything other than friends, I'd still be okay with that," she whispers finally.

"Me too," he concurs, "It doesn't change anything." Neither of them says anything for a few long moments, Ahsoka letting herself focus on the feel of her best friend's Force presence next to her. "So, to be sure we're clear," Theseus says after a moment, "We're both free to do what we want or are we both going to wait until we've figured this out?"

Ahsoka pauses, considering that. "If anything ever happens with us... it'll be because we both truly want it. I don't think it's something we need to wait anything for."

With that settled, she feels... freer than she has in a while, and she can imagine Theseus feels likewise. For now, she's grateful she'll always have him at her side.

**w**

Initially, Theseus is feeling a lot better after his talk with Ahsoka, but now that he's lying awake in bed as he listens to the sound of her even breathing, his mind starts whirring again. When he's focusing on the mission it's much easier, but now that he's sitting alone in his quarters for the night, all the doubts that keep haunting Theseus' mind come pouring back to him. The Hardeen incident... it shook his faith in the Jedi far more than anything ever has, even more than when he Fell, than when he constantly questioned how he could be a Jedi if he stayed in contact with his mother even though nothing felt inherently wrong about wanting to have a family. He – he can't see the Order the same way anymore. He knew they were wrong about things, but this... they stooped to a level far below anything he ever thought could happen.

Something needs to change. The Order can't keep going on like this. That much he knows, but he doesn't know what it would take to change them. Force, he doesn't even know what needs to change. Even if he did, it's not like anyone would pay a mere padawan any attention. And it's not like there's anyone he can even talk to about this.

He feels so lost, and he doesn't know where to start looking for answers.

In the end, no matter how much he wants to walk away from the Order, it has always been his life. He wants to do something about it, before it's too late. Whatever 'too late' means, he doesn't know, but the very thought sends a chilling fear through him, and he doesn't let himself dwell on it any longer. One attachment all Jedi seem to have – and that still includes him to a point – is to the Order, and he really wishes there was something he could do.

First, he probably needs to re-find balance in himself. He had things mostly sorted out after Mortis but now it's like everything was plunged into chaos all over again, even if he's pretending everything is the same. Yes, he expected that the Dark Side is a part of himself he can never get rid of, but now he's questioning if he doesn't actually need to do more. To learn it? But how could he ever do that?

Unless... there's only one thing he can think of, one person who might be able to offer him some advice. Someone he hasn't talked to since Mortis. Revan.

Assuming there's even a way he could initiate a conversation with him in the first place. After a moment of contemplation, Theseus shifts into a meditative position, letting his mind drift off into the Force. He's hardly sure what he's doing, but he tries reaching out for him... and let's his mind take it from there.

Theseus reaches out, hardly sure exactly what he's doing, but finally he senses who is it he's trying to find. "Revan?" he asks, suddenly feeling awkward. He's never initiated any communication between the two of them before.

In his meditative state, he finds himself standing across from the familiar helmeted figure, the background surrounding them is dark, not that he's focusing on it. "What is it, young one?"

"I... want to learn the Dark Side," he blurts out in a rush, ignoring how he's technically betraying everything he's worked for. "Can – can you teach me?" There. Right to the point.

There's a pause before he speaks, the helmeted head inclining slightly. "I cannot," he says at last, "I can no longer interact with the living to that extent. I can guide you to find balance, but you must find another to teach you."

Well, that complicates things. Who could he go to for that? "Who could I ask?" Theseus queries.

"The choice is yours," he replies, "But you will find the right opportunity in time." That... is about as clear as mud, but okay. The only people who even know the Dark Side that he's aware of are the two Sith. He's definitely not about to go to Dooku for help, not when he makes a hobby out of torturing Anakin. And he has no idea who the Sith Master is, but he's definitely not going to him, which leaves him pretty much out of options for the moment.

Apparently, he'll know when the time is right. Well... that doesn't help him much right now, but he decides to get back to that line of thought later. "What about the Jedi?" he blurts finally.

"They have long since lost their way."

"I know, but... is there anything I can... do about that?"

"The younger ones perhaps could change. The older ones are too set in their ways. First, you must find balance within yourself," Revan responds.

"I understand," he replies slowly.

He should have figured as much, Theseus supposes. He can't help anyone if he can't help himself, so he needs to focus on finding balance. Somehow.

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