Chapter 47 – Trial

Author's Note: Welp, this book will be a total of 100 chapters, including an epilogue! :D

To Guest (1): Athea Fell because she was trying to save Caleb's life. He was dying, and she was desperate. I have no idea when this is happening with respect to the Dark Disciple arc. You know it better than me, so you can decide what you think makes the most sense. :)

To Guest (2): It's not that simple. Athea was willfully doing wrong, and trying to kill innocent people. She's gone dark, and even if the Jedi aren't succeeding, they, unlike Athea now, are at least trying to do the right thing. Choosing his mother would have meant choosing the side of evil, and Athea taught Theseus better than that. Luke didn't choose Vader over the Jedi either, y'know, and for good reason. :P

To Guest (3): Athea's not being controlled. She made her choices, but because of what she did, she was permanently... changed. But don't worry. She won't die now. She'll be around later in the book, even if it's not for a while. ^-^

To Jack's Spear (on chapter 1): Ahh thank you so much! I'm so, so glad to hear that you liked how we wrote Anakin as acting, because a number of people have complained/commented about it, so I'm glad that you think he's fully in-character! :D I completely agree with you; that's why we wrote him as we did. ^-^

Thank you all so, so much for reviewing! :D

~ Amina Gila

Theseus hates how this is reminding him of the exact same feeling he had right before Ahsoka's trial. He knows ahead of time, more or less, what the outcome will be. The Jedi don't execute people, thankfully, but he knows without a doubt that his mother will be imprisoned for life. She's a Jedi Master, and likely too far lost in the Dark Side for hopes of change, unlike himself. He had wanted to find balance; she doesn't.

He has classes to attend, a war to be monitoring, and likely strategies to work on with Cody, but it feels wrong to do any of them right now. He hates going to classes especially now that Ahsoka is gone, because she should be with him. Certain moments he can pretend she's on the field with Anakin, but he can't when the said Knight's presence is lingering in the back of his mind.

The tension in the air is eating away at him, and he doesn't know what to do, and no matter what he does, he can't get his mind to focus on anything else. He knows the most likely option. They're going to imprison her, and… he'll probably never see her again.

Once someone Falls to that point, no one is allowed to see them other than Council members. They'd certainly never allow a padawan in there.

Theseus stands up with a sigh, dumping the datapad that he's been staring blankly at for the past probably half hour onto the table in front of him and paces over to the window to stare out. He can feel Anakin's gaze on him as he stares out at the passing traffic. The Knight decided to come over and join him in Obi-Wan's apartment. Generally, when they spend time together now, this is where they are. Anakin's apartment… it still feels too much like Ahsoka, and Theseus knows it's hard for both of them to be there.

From the way Anakin keeps glancing at him, Theseus knows there's something he wants to ask. "What?" he prompts finally.

"I – how are you?" he asks. "I won't ask if you're alright, because that's a stupid question."

"Upset?" It's an understatement, compared to what he's feeling right now. He's upset that his mother did this and that people were bold enough to attack the Temple on their own and that he's never going to see her again, probably. "My mother is a deranged Sith. I don't know what more to say."

"I suppose there's not much that can be said," Anakin agrees quietly.

There is, though. It's too soon for him to process everything. "She's not entirely wrong though," Theseus says finally. "We're clearly doing something wrong if so many people are willing to turn on us. We still have no idea where Sidious is. We don't even know where to start looking. How can we defeat him, or Dooku, if we can't find them?"

"We have hope," Anakin replies. "We can keep moving. If we stop fighting, then what?"

He makes it sound as though it's so simple, but it's not. "The only two people I always had are gone," Theseus replies, bluntly.

"Ahsoka won't be gone forever," Anakin replies quietly.

The padawan's head snaps up. "How do you know? Did she tell you?"

"A feeling," he admits "And I can't believe my padawan would never look back."

Something in him deflates a little; he'd honestly been hoping for a guarantee, a promise, not speculation. "I couldn't blame her," he says. "We're Jedi, and I know why she'd never want to come back."

"I still can't understand it," Anakin continues. "How she could have walked away from everything, everyone she knew."

"Sometimes, people put their own well being over caring for others," Theseus replies. "It's… necessary."

"It's not the Jedi way. I thought I taught her that."

Theseus gives him a rueful look. "Anakin, it's important sometimes. That's what I was struggling with back after Mortis, remember? I needed time to myself that I didn't want to take."

"I don't know." Something about him looks almost defeated, not unlike it has since Ahsoka left. "I don't understand that… reasoning."

"Maybe it's time for you to learn it, then." Sometimes, Theseus really wishes he understood better how Anakin's mind works. He's so… unpredictable, often. He's normally calm and collected and patient, but then there's times where he's constantly fidgeting and can't hold still. There are moments where – most of the time – that he's by far the most compassionate person Theseus has ever known, even to their enemies, then he'll flip off into something dark and violent and deadly, when he's zoned out like he barely knows what he's doing.

And yet, despite his compassion, he's often the only one willing to do whatever they need to. He's closed off at the Temple, Theseus has noticed, but he'll be open around the padawans, when Obi-Wan's not there. It's strange, because Theseus thought – used to think – that Anakin was closer with Obi-Wan than anyone. He doesn't know anymore.

Around him and Ahsoka and the clones, Theseus has noticed a vast difference. He's light, cheerful, and while he'll never actively talk about himself, he will if asked… sometimes. It depends how personal the question is. He's affectionate, too, and that was something he and Ahsoka both shared.

He cares for people, not the detached way most Jedi do. It's something more personal, individualized.

The best part, Theseus thinks, is his loyalty. Once you have Anakin Skywalker on your side, you have nothing to fear.

It's a few hours later that the Council meeting is adjourned, and Obi-Wan calls to tell them the news.

It's as he suspected. Athea will be imprisoned for life, unless she proves she can change, the likelihood of which is very low.

He had suspected it from the start, but it hurts when he hears it, anyway.

She's gone. She's really, truly gone. He'll never see her again.

Anakin holds him when he finally breaks down and cries.

**w**

Somehow, it feels as though everything is falling apart around him. Anakin has no idea what to do, or if there is anything he can do. The only Jedi Master he's trusted now, somewhat, betrayed them all. His mother is gone because he failed her, and so is Ahsoka – even if she's still alive – and Obi-Wan already proved he doesn't really care for him. All he has left are Theseus and Padme… and Rex and the Chancellor. While he tries so hard not to think about it, he can't help wondering what would happen if he lost one of them, or if they left him.

As time goes on, Anakin is finding himself increasingly closed off, unable to trust anyone else with his heart like he did Ahsoka. He doesn't think he could bear a second rejection.

Most of all, he wishes there was something he could do for Theseus, but there isn't. Nothing except try to offer a silent support, which only goes so far. If Ahsoka was here, it would help everyone, but she's not. It's so lonely to wake up on the battlefield all the time, without her at his side.

Anakin isn't surprised when he realizes that Obi-Wan himself isn't in much better condition. He looks exhausted, more worn out than Anakin remembers him being in a long time. They're in Obi-Wan's Star Destroyer when Anakin finally manages to corner him by seating himself across from him with a dry – and slightly rude – remark about how he looks as though he hasn't slept in days.

"As if you're any better," he retaliates.

Anakin huffs, because yes, Obi-Wan has a very decent point there. Wars are not conducive to sleep or rest for anybody. "I can't believe Master Shan Fell."

"It was surprising to all of us on the Council," Obi-Wan replies. "We never did get an answer on why it happened."

Anakin sighs, his mind wandering back to the things he really doesn't like dwelling on. "So many Jedi seem to be Falling," he comments quietly, "And they all are saying similar things." About how the Jedi are corrupt and falling. It's all an echo of what Barriss said when she was confessing her guilt to the Senate. He's thought over those words more than he cares to admit, after the fact.

"I have noticed, and it is troubling," admits his former master, "But surely, we would sense it if something of this magnitude was coming."

"But we do, don't we?" Anakin asks, frowning. "Can't you feel it? There are whispers of something… Darkness. I've never felt anything like it before. Something is changing." He doesn't know what it means, but it's frightening.

"Yes," Obi-Wan agrees, "But the future is always in motion."

"We must stop it, if we can."

"We will."

Anakin can only hope so. In their life, nothing is a guarantee, though he can't imagine anything like what Barriss and Krell and Master Shan spoke of. It feels like their life is a ticking time-bomb, about to go off, but there's no going back, only forwards, towards it. Towards whatever is to come. There are so many things he wants to say and do first, but he doubts he'll be able to. Or maybe it's only the end of the war. He can hope.

"Sometimes it feels like we'll wake up to a different world," he mutters.

"Perhaps we will," Obi-Wan points out, "Things change every day. With every battle."

"This is different." It's pointless to speculate and stress over these things, Anakin knows, because it won't change what is to come.

He hopes that maybe instead of being more complicated and descending into even more chaos, maybe things are actually going to get better. Maybe they'll be able to sort things out sooner than he's expecting. Truthfully, though, he's pretty sure that's nothing more than wishful thinking.

Anakin stands with a sigh. When he senses the future, all he can feel is something bad, and it scares him. Obi-Wan moves to stand next to him after a moment.

"We'll be fine, Anakin," Obi-Wan says, the words somehow an echo of what he said on Mortis.

"We'll be fine, as long as we stay together."

Anakin moves closer almost impulsively, slipping his arms around his former master. He wants to believe it, that everything is going to be fine, even a dark part of his mind is certain that it's already fallen too far for anything to be that simple.

**w**

He should be sleeping, but Theseus can't rest right now. He can't get his mind off everything that just happened with his mother. He's admittedly angry at her over what she did, but he's mostly confused and hurt, and he really wants answers. If only he could talk to her…

It probably wouldn't help or matter anyway, but it's been long enough that maybe she might be thinking more clearly? Maybe. He has no idea. He wants answers.

But it doesn't matter. He won't be allowed to see her, not until she's balanced again. And if that never happens, then he'll never be able to see her again. There's no point asking; he already knows what Obi-Wan and the Council would say if he did.

Whatever happened to her, though, he wants to know. He knows the Dark Side is dangerous, and a part of him is almost scared because he doesn't want to lose himself in it the way his mother is, or like the way he first was on Mortis. He doesn't actually think that would happen, but he wishes there was someone who could guide him.

Slipping into a meditative state, Theseus reaches out with the Force again, the same way he did back on Onderon. He can feel the familiar presence almost immediately.

"Yes?" the figure seems to hover in front of him, while at the same time it's as though he's not really there.

"I have questions," Theseus says, "It's just… there's so many Jedi Falling now, and –" He's hardly sure what he's trying to say. He just needs answers.

"They sense what is to come," Revan replies, which really makes Theseus feel better. Not.

"Which is… what?"

"You can sense it, can you not? The approaching darkness?"

"Yes," Theseus admits, "I can." Sometimes when he's meditating, he can't shake this foreboding feeling, that something terrible is going to happen. He doesn't know what to make of it, but it honestly scares him. It doesn't help that sometimes it feels like he's the only one who seems to notice it. Or maybe others do, but they haven't talked about it. He doesn't know.

"They are merely beginning to see through the lies and deception of the Jedi and look deeper into the Force."

"But why do they all think murdering people is the only option?!" Theseus exclaims. There was his mother, and Barriss, and Krell before that, and they all took the same route.

"They have lost themselves in the Dark Side, and the power was more than they are immediately able to handle. They did not find balance the way you did."

"Why the difference?" he asks glumly.

"It is easy to get overwhelmed, at first, as you yourself experienced," Revan explains, "But with an anchor to the Light Side, you can draw on both."

"Should I have joined my mother?" Theseus asks finally, the one question that's been haunting him this entire time. He – he could never condone the things she was doing, but she isn't wrong that the Jedi are falling. (The thought still terrifies him, and he doesn't know what to do about it.)

"She would have tried to recklessly go after the Sith on her own. Perhaps to take their place. Right now, she has no interest in finding balance, but in the right circumstances, she may not remain completely lost to the Dark Side forever."

He has no idea if that's a 'yes' or a 'no', but it's not like Revan is going to tell him the path he should take. He's made it clear enough already that the steps he chooses to make are always his own. "Is… is the Order going to fall?" he blurts finally.

The masked figure regards him in silence, for a moment. "The future can always change, but they have neared a point beyond which change is almost impossible," he answers ominously.

Theseus swallows hard. He knew that, he supposes. After they threw out Ahsoka… it's too late for them, he's certain. His anger and bitterness towards the Council over that will never go away, but he's still capable of seeing past that when he thinks about the Order. Maybe being disbanded or something is what the Order needs, but he doubts it will be that simple. There's so many he knows here, and he doesn't want them to get hurt. Even if he can't help the Order itself, maybe there's still something he can do.

"What can I do?" Theseus wonders finally.

"Remain balanced. Learn more about the Force. And help Skywalker."

For some reason, the words send a chill through him. Revan said the same once, over a year ago, on Mortis. "How do I do that?"

"For now, you know everything you must. I cannot reveal more," he answers cryptically, before he disappears again, leaving Theseus alone.

Something far worse than what he's imagining lies in the future, Theseus is certain, and he knows he's not ready to face it. Actually, he can't imagine what it might be.

Stay balanced. He's pretty sure that means don't get lost in fear over the future either.

What does he need to help Anakin with? For a moment, he pauses to think about his padawan-brother, about how he's doing these days. It's admittedly hard to tell. Most of the time, Anakin acts as though everything is fine, but there's times where Theseus can tell that he obviously isn't. Like when he'd come to him over the Clovis incident, and when they'd more recently talked to Obi-Wan about Ahsoka.

Anakin isn't doing as well as it seems – at least Theseus doesn't think so – but he isn't sure what to do about it. He doesn't want to be annoying and fret over nothing. The most he can do is try to be supportive.

But he thinks there might be something more that Revan was telling him. Maybe. Like… if he tried talking to him about his own views on the Force? Everyone disapproves of it, so it isn't something he talks about to anyone. Should he talk to Anakin about using the Dark Side the same way he does?

He doesn't know, and doing it feels… weird. He's only half sure what he's doing himself, and he wouldn't want to drag his padawan-brother down a path like that, especially not after seeing that hardly anyone seems capable of controlling the Dark Side. Unless the problem is simply that they have no idea what they're doing, so they're experimenting on their own. Theseus isn't exactly a whole lot better in that regard.

It reminds him again of what Revan was saying about finding someone who can actually teach him the Dark Side. He needs to, but he doesn't even know where to start. There's not a whole lot he could learn from his mother when she clearly has no idea what she's doing herself. No, it has to be someone with more experience.

And such a person currently doesn't exist, unless he hasn't thought of the most obvious options yet.

He'll find a way some day, and he can only hope that, by then, it won't be too late.

**w**

"I'm tired of just sitting around here," Caleb huffs.

Theseus throws a glance over his shoulder at the waiting shuttle. Obi-Wan is ready to leave. He needs to get going.

"You're improving a lot," Theseus points out, giving him a reassuring smile. "It's a lot less visible already."

He frowns. "Doesn't feel that way."

It's hard, seeing his little brother like this. On the one hand Caleb wants to get out there and start fighting again, even if he really isn't fully in the condition to do so, but on the other hand, he's also having a hard time dealing with his lingering injuries.

"I know," Theseys says quietly, knowing it's a completely inadequate response, but he doesn't know what else to say, "But don't worry. I'm sure Master Depa is going to agree to take you back to the fronts eventually."

"Prepare for my surprise visit on the battlefield," the boy chirps, brightening.

"I'll be looking forward to it," Theseus shoots back.

"Theseus?" Obi-Wan calls from the ramp of the ship.

"Looks like you better go," Caleb says.

"Yeah," Theseus agrees, "And you should too. Maybe the Force be with you."

"And you," the boy calls, before he turns, and sprints over to the waiting shuttle.

He doesn't know why he's getting such strange feelings right now. For whatever reason, he's suddenly hit with a strange foreboding like he isn't going to come back. And it's frankly ridiculous, because he should be back within a few weeks, or maybe a little longer, if the battles start to drag out.

It doesn't help that he has a similar feeling about Caleb which also doesn't make sense. He immediately forces to the back of his mind any disturbing thoughts on why that would be. Caleb will be fine. He'll be fine.

There's no reason they wouldn't see each other again.

Still, Theseus finds himself glued to the viewport as the shuttle flies away from the Temple, heading for the cruiser.

It's just another typical mission, but for some reason, it doesn't exactly feel like it. A strange sense of longing washes through him as he watches the receding Temple out the window, mentally ingraining the place into his mind.

"Are you alright, padawan?" Obi-Wan queries, appearing behind him.

"I… yes," he mumbles, gaze darting from his master back to the viewport yet again.

"You seem distracted," he notes.

"I just got a feeling I'm not gonna see any of this again." It sounds so stupid to say aloud.

"You're not going to die." It might've been meant as an assurance, a promise, but there's a note of something like desperation in Obi-Wan's voice. It's strange, because that's not something he ever remembers seeing in his master.

"It's probably nothing," Theseus tries to brush it off, but he can't stop himself from staring down at the rapidly shrinking Jedi Temple, unable to shake the feeling that this is the last time he'll be able to look at this place and call it "home".

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