Chapter 4 – Listen to Your Heart

After a morning of paperwork and tests to make sure her monitor was still functioning correctly, Aine was finally allowed to leave the hospital. Her nurse, Taketa, and his wife had been kind enough to buy her a few outfits since any belongings she had brought to Japan with her three months ago were surely long gone. I should get them something as a thank-you. She smiled to herself.

Today she had chosen to wear the outfit that looked the most comfortable, a pair of blue jeans, with a soft grey button up shirt and a light blue cardigan. She pulled the cardigan around her as the car the principal sent from the school pulled around. Settling in the backseat, she watched the streets go by as she calmed the nerves pounding in her chest. Aine was thankful for the job and the place to live but she would be lying to herself if she said she wasn't nervous about the possibilities of running into her former friends.

If Hizashi's reaction towards her was any indication, she doubted it would be a warm welcome by any means. However, she was determined to be professional no matter what was thrown at her.

Whatever image she had in her mind did no justice to the massive size of the school, it even dwarfed the college campuses she had attended. She shifted the bag of clothes to her other hand and pulled out the map Nedzu had given her from her back pocket. Students were milling around, some chatting, some walking towards the various buildings. A few cast curious glances her way before settling back into whatever activity they were doing.

As she had hoped, the dorm was empty. Aine went up the floors to find her room, locking the door behind her as she looked around. The apartment was furnished in a functional way, she made a mental note to go shopping as soon as everything settled down in order to make it more like a home. She toed off her shoes at the door before setting her bag on the living room couch.

Glancing around the room, she spied a bookshelf.

A completely filled bookshelf.

Walking over to it, she ran her fingers along the spines. Someone had filled it with psychology books and magazines covering everything from basics to new and advanced methods. There was note taped to the end of one shelf –

A gift from the principal and myself. Thank you for joining our school. I look forward to working with you to help our students!

Your Co-Counselor,

Ryo Inui

Aine smiled and put the note in her pocket. Walking into the kitchen, she was surprised to find a well set-up kitchen with a tea kettle and full pantry. A hot cup of tea would be wonderful, she thought as she filled the kettle and set it on the stove.

She had just grabbed the most recent magazine when she heard a soft knock at her door. There stood Nedzu, "Good afternoon, Miss Satterfield! May I come in?"

"Absolutely, Principal Nedzu!" she ushered him inside, "I had just started some tea, would you care for some?"

He smiled as he sat himself on the couch, "That would be lovely, it is always better to discuss things over tea!" As if on cue, the tea kettle began to squeal. Aine stepped into the kitchen, digging around until she found a tea pot, cups, and small tray. After assembling everything together, she reemerged into the living room.

"My apologies, I haven't really had time to find where everything is." she smiled as she set the tea down on the coffee table. Aine poured the 2 cups of tea before sitting cross-legged on the floor holding her own cup between her hands.

Nedzu slurped the tea before holding it in his lap, "I hope everything is to your liking! HoundDog picked out the books for your collection as I assume anything you brought with you has not been found?" Aine shook her head, taking a sip of the tea, "That is unfortunate, but no matter! We made sure everything here was taken care of, so it was ready to move in immediately. Once things have calmed down, you will be more than welcome to visit local retailers to purchase your own furnishings if you wish."

The principal set down his cup and clapped his paws together, "Now, for the business at hand. I would like to introduce you to the staff and have you start working with our students as soon as possible."

Aine froze, the nerves she had managed to stamp down creeping back into her chest. The furry creature eyed her up and down, before speaking again.

"Miss Satterfield? If you need more time after your previous ordeal, I will not hold you to fault." his voice softened as his eyes seemed to pierce through her.

She shook her head and plastered a smile on her face, "No, I agree. It would do much more for me to be busy rather than sitting around. When would you like for me to start?"

Nedzu placed his hands on his knees, "I am planning on holding a staff meeting before classes start tomorrow morning to inform the staff of the new procedures for student counseling and your position in the school. Again, if this is too soon, we can always introduce you to the staff one-on-one before you start working with their students."

"I'll be fine Principal Nedzu," Aine smiled again, "I will be there tomorrow morning."

The principal smiled broadly, "Thank you, Miss Satterfield. I will come by in the morning to collect you and escort you to the meeting. It will give me a chance to show you our campus as well!" With that, he hopped down from the couch. Aine stood and followed him to her door, "I thank you for the tea! I will see you bright and early in the morning!" As she opened the door, he bowed to her. Aine returned the bow, closing the door as he walked away.

Leaning against the door, she closed her eyes and focused on her breathing to get the rising clawing feeling of panic to release from her chest.

You are safe.

You're safe.

You….are….safe.

Breathe in, and breath out, 1 2 3 4.

She finally felt the warmth return to her limbs little by little as she repeated the breathing several times. Once she felt that her body was out of her fight, flight, or freeze, she gathered the dishes and deposited them in the sink. They could be washed later. Aine grabbed the magazine she had previously been planning to read and curled up on the couch.

The rest of the afternoon and evening, she spent quietly reading and looking around the apartment. Outside of her door, she had heard some soft conversations as teachers returned from the day. She felt exhausted even though there was still sunlight streaming in through her windows.

A hot bath and an early night. Aine nodded to herself, putting away the journal she was reading on generational trauma.

Tomorrow, I might be going into the lion's den. She shook the thought out of her head as she began drawing her bath.

The next morning, Aine woke before her alarm and before the sun. Sighing, she stumbled out of bed and padded barefoot to the kitchen to make some coffee.

Digging through the pantry, she found some coffee. It wasn't her preferred blend, but it would do until she could go shopping for her own. As she waited for it to brew, she made herself a simple breakfast of toast, peanut butter, and some fruit. While she ate, she thought through her plans for the day. Of course, first she had to make it through the staff meeting.

She finished getting ready for the day opting to wear a soft green blouse and a pair of grey slacks, her chestnut curls tied back with a ribbon that matched the shirt. Aine tried to ignore the tightening feeling in her chest as she smoothed down the silky material while looking at herself in the mirror. Satisfied that she looked somewhat put together, she returned to the kitchen and poured herself a mug of coffee.

Sunlight was just beginning to peak over the buildings when she heard the knock at her door. She deposited her empty mug in the sink and opened the door. Nedzu smiled up at her, "Good morning, Miss Satterfield! Are you ready?"

She smiled back, "Ready as I'll ever be!" her voice was cheerful even as her insides felt like ice.

Nedzu played the part of tour guide as they walked to the meeting. So far, she hadn't seen any familiar face which she was extremely grateful for.

"This will be your office here!" He waved a paw at the wooden door that already had her name and title displayed beside it

"AINE SATTERFIELD – COUNSELOR "

Aine made a mental note as they continued down the hallway. "This is the teacher's lounge," he opened the door and gestured for her to follow, "We will be going into this conference room over here." He stepped in front of her and walked over to the door. Her heart was pounding, she tried to discretely focus on her breathing.

Breathe in 1234, Hold 1234, Breathe out 1234

It's just a meeting with your new coworkers not a battle. You are safe. You are safe.

"Miss Satterfield?" She looked into black eyes shining with concern, "If this is too much, you are more than welcome to spend the day working in your office. I can make arrangements for the teachers to meet with you one on one at your leisure."

Aine shook her head and put a smile on, "It's ok, I promise."

The principal nodded once and opened the door to the room. Chatter seemed to quiet down as they entered, or more specifically when she entered. She kept her eyes forward, following Nedzu as he went to the head of the room and gestured for her to stand alongside him. As she joined him, she quickly scanned the room, her heart slamming into the sides of her chest when she saw the 3 figures she was dreading.

Hizashi's eyes drilled into her, his mouth set in a firm line.

Nemuri stared but the look on her face was indiscernible.

Shouta was leaned back in his seat, arms crossed, and his face hidden by his capture scarf.

Keep breathing, you are safe….you are safe….you are safe…. she kept repeating internally as the sound of rushing water filled her ears.

"…need for a secondary counselor to help our students. Along with HoundDog, Miss Satterfield here will be helping to work with our students through mandatory counseling sessions once she gets settled in. I am certain that she will be a vital asset to both our staff and our students." Nedzu flashed a smile towards her, "Is there anything you would like to add, Miss Satterfield?"

She fought to keep her voice from shaking, "Just a thank you for allowing me this opportunity. I look forward to working with the students." She offered a small smile and a low bow. As she straightened up, her eyes caught the pair of dark eyes above grey cloth. Her flight instinct hit like a freight train against her brain, but she fought to keep her professional appearance together even as she felt her hands begin to shake, "My apologies, Principal Nedzu, but may I excuse myself? I would like to start working on student files as soon as possible." She spoke softly towards the principal, avoiding those eyes she felt watching her movements.

"Oh! Absolutely! We have a few more things to discuss but you are free to go." he smiled wide.

If anything else was said, she couldn't hear it over the roaring sound in her ears as she left the room. As soon as the door was shut behind her, she walked as fast as she could without running down the hallway to her office not stopping until she found the door. Once she was inside and heard the door click behind her, her legs gave out from under her, and she fell to her knees in the middle of the office, curling in on herself on the floor. Rapid shallow breaths rattled from her mouth as her heart beat wildly against her chest. Her monitor started chirping beside her, but she couldn't move to check it. The sound echoed for what felt like hours, but she could do nothing besides hold herself tightly as her vision swam.

She didn't hear someone knocking on the door.

She didn't hear the door open.

She didn't feel the gentle hands on her back.

She didn't hear her name until someone grabbed her shoulders.

When Aine looked up, she saw deep purple hair and heard a voice that sounded distant and yet nearby at the same time. "Aine….Aine breathe with me" the sounds of exaggerated breathing hit her ears next. She tried to match the speed of the breathing. Her brain started to clear, and she was able to start repeating the rhythm to herself.

Breathe in 1234, Hold 1234, Breathe out 1234

again

again

Her breathing started to even out and she looked up to see who was here. Only to be met with concerned light blue eyes.

"Hey Aine. Are you back?"

Aine nodded her head numbly.

"Th-thank you." She slowly started to move from her position on the floor.

"Is it alright if I touch you to help you to the couch over there?"

For the first time, Aine looked and saw the couch against the wall. She nodded.

Nemuri moved behind her, helping her to stand and then gently guiding her to the couch before sitting herself at the other end of it. They sat in silence for several minutes as Aine's body recovered. Soon, the beeping from her monitor stopped as her heart rate finally came back to normal.

"Aine?"

She looked over at Nemuri, dressed in her hero suit and face scrunched in concern.

"Hi, Nemuri. Thank you."

"What happened?"

Aine closed her eyes briefly, "I don't know if I can do this."

Nemuri sighed, "If you need to take a few more days, I'm sure the principal will understand. Everything is moving too fast..."

Aine shook her head and opened her eyes to look at her former friend "It's not that. I need the work to distract me. That's not the problem."

Nemuri looked at her quizzically, "What is it then?"

Aine's eyes welled with involuntary tears, "I can't face him, how can I work with students when I can't even be in the same room without this overwhelming feeling of guilt." She rubbed her face furiously.

Silence filled the space between the two women as Aine dropped her hands and chuckled ruefully, "Some counselor I am already, huh? Having a panic attack in the middle of my office." Her voice shifted back to a serious tone, "Why did you come in here? From what Hizashi said I was sure none of you would even want to see me again."

"Honestly, I'm not even sure why I came in here. I guess partly to make sure that you were really here." Nemuri shrugged and then looked back at Aine, "Wait, when did you talk to Hizashi?"

Aine looked at her hands, they had finally stopped shaking. "A few days ago, while I was still in the hospital." she scoffed, "He definitely did not shy away from telling me exactly how much I screwed things up, how much I hurt you all, as though it's not something I've said to myself almost daily since I left."

Nemuri's lips were set in a thin angry line. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "Yes, I have had my time of being angry with you but we also know you. You wouldn't have done something like that without a reason."

She stood and started to walk towards Aine when the bell rang, "Damn" she looked towards the door, "I've got a class to get to but if it is alright with you, I would like to come by later and get your side of the story."

Aine nodded. Nemuri gave her a soft smile, "For what it is worth, I'm glad you are back and safe."

"Thank you Nemuri, for everything."

The older woman waved as she left Aine alone with her thoughts.