HARRY POTTER AND THE SECRET ENEMY
Harry Potter and all associated characters and situations are the property of J.K. Rowling. I make no claim to ownership.
CHAPTER 11: The Ice Cream Conference
19 August 1992
School letters arrived on August 12th, and Harry and the Longbottoms went to purchase school supplies on the 19th. Making their way through Diagon Alley, the three stopped off for ice cream at Fortescue's where they met up with Hermione, Blaise, Padma and Justin, along with most of their parents. Countess Zabini was not in attendance, but Gunther was there, leaning with his back to a wall from a vantage point that gave him a commanding view of the room. At one point, Florean Fortescue actually asked the towering bodyguard if he'd like a chair or perhaps a milkshake. The look that Gunther gave him had the man practically running back to his counter in fear. As for the rest, Augusta arranged for a separate table for the grown-ups so that they could talk about their various school-related concerns without the children hearing, while the children could talk freely without their parents eavesdropping.
The Muggle parents in particular where still somewhat alarmed about the "terrorist attack" at Potter Manor a few weeks prior, especially since most of them were in attendance. Augusta was quick to reassure them all that Hogwarts was considered one of the most secure magical places in Britain. That mollified them somewhat but not completely, as the Grangers and the Finch-Fletchleys were all four worried about "dangerous elements" within the school itself. And at that comment, all four of them looked over in Harry's direction with concern. Harry gave them his most winning smile, but it seemed to do nothing to reassure the Muggles. Justin, on the other hand, gave his parents a murderous look before turning to the Slytherin.
"Harry, I am so sorry. I can't imagine what's gotten into Mother and Father. They've both taken a wholly irrational dislike to you and won't even say why."
"It's not a problem," said Harry, trying to make light of things. "Jim was probably rude to them or something and they can't tell us apart."
"Hmm. Perhaps so," replied Justin.
"Anyway, enough of that. We haven't talked since the birthday party, and I wanted to say how sorry I am that your parent's first exposure to magical culture ended so ... unpleasantly. I didn't see you afterwards. Did your family have any problems getting away?"
"Oh no. Luckily, we were well away from the center of all the action, thank goodness. And Ron Weasley's parents were nearby with a portkey in the form of a ten-foot-long string of Christmas tree lights that Mrs. Weasley was hiding in her purse somehow. I guess they need one that big for a family that large. Anyway, Mr. Weasley insisted that we join them, so we all went back to the Burrow for the rest of the afternoon until Mr. Weasley could arrange a temporary Floo connection to our home." Justin leaned in almost conspiratorially. "I say, did you know they have a flying car?! Is that legal?"
Harry coughed delicately. "So I've heard. And no, it's not. Mr. Weasley's a wonderful man but a bit indiscreet, so I'd appreciate it if everyone kept that little detail to themselves."
Justin nodded sagely and tapped his finger to his nose. "Right-o." Before he could say anything more, however, two more people entered Fortescue's: Theo Nott ... and Draco Malfoy. Theo said his hellos to everyone and then asked Draco with a badly faked smile whether he wanted to join them.
"You're too kind, all of you. Unfortunately, I'm here with my father, who needs me for some important errands. Perhaps another time. Theo, we'll meet you at the bookstore in two hours. Blaise, Harry, Hermione, so wonderful to see you again." He turned to Neville, and his sincerity lapsed a bit. "Longbottom."
"Malfoy," said Neville evenly. With that, Draco nodded to the rest of the group. Then, he turned and strode off in the direction of Lucius Malfoy, who was waiting out in the street with an ornate wooden box under his arm. Theo's smile lasted until the two were out of sight ... at which point it turned into a snarl as he sat down.
"Egregious little prick," he spat out.
"Theo!" exclaimed a scandalized Hermione.
"Well, I'm sorry!" he replied hotly. "But I have been stuck with that little brat since June 20th, and it's been wearing on my nerves. And what really chaps me is that as obnoxious as he's been, this has still been the best summer of my life. How pathetic is that?!"
"What was it like?" asked Harry with some concern.
Theo sighed. "His father has actually been a perfect host. His mother's rather imposing but she was rarely around. The biggest problem was all the days when Mr. Malfoy was gone and I had a choice between loneliness and spending time with Draco."
"But he's ... better, right?" asked Neville. "I mean he was here for nearly thirty seconds and didn't say anything mean."
"He's not overtly bigoted anymore, but he's still a jerk. For instance, if he were talking to, say, Justin here, he won't openly use the M-word, but he might... I don't know, make fun of his shoes or something."
"My ... shoes?" the Muggleborn asked in confusion.
"Well, it would probably be something both cleverer and meaner than that. I'm proud to say that I don't think like him so I can't really predict what sort of insults he'd use."
"Well, how has he treated you over the summer?" asked Padma.
"Oh, he treated me fine. He'll always be polite, if insincerely, to me and to Hermione..." Theo trailed off sheepishly as Harry cleared his throat softly and gave him the you're talking too much about secret stuff look that he'd learned to recognize the previous year after the fiasco in Hagrid's hut.
"And why exactly is that, if I may ask?" said Hermione suspiciously.
Harry started to respond when Blaise interrupted. "Harry did a Slytherin thing. Please don't make a big deal out of it."
Hermione was obviously unhappy with that, but she remembered her argument with Harry the previous Easter, as well as the long talk she and Neville had about how it was wrong to expect Harry to act like a Gryffindor. Obviously, some bit of Potter's Slytherin sneakiness that she would likely consider unethical if she knew any details had forced Draco Malfoy to at least pretend to be a decent human being. Malfoy didn't seem to be under the effects of an illegal spell, so it was probably just blackmail or something. And in light of how Malfoy had acted since literally the first day she'd met him, it would be almost churlish for her to complain about Harry using such tactics against the son of a former Death Eater. So she nodded once in Blaise's direction and then immediately changed the subject to talk about the coming school year and new goals for the study group.
The group talked amongst themselves over two more rounds of ice cream when Harry stood and said "Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to use the facilities. Blaise and Theo, would you mind joining me?"
Padma laughed. "I thought it was just us girls who went to the bathroom in groups."
"Wise Slytherins do everything in groups, Padma," said Harry with mock gravity. "You never know who's out there." With that, the three Slytherins bowed towards the two young ladies in the group and then made their way to the men's restroom. Once inside, Harry cast a privacy charm on the trio.
"'Blaise and Theo, would you mind joining me in the men's toilet?' That was embarrassingly unsubtle, Harry," said Blaise with amusement.
"They all know we're Slytherins, and they're still our friends anyway," he replied. "Subtlety would be a waste of energy with them. Now, Theo, be honest with us. How was it really at Malfoy Manor?"
"Like I said – surprisingly not bad. Mr. Malfoy was very nice. He taught me how to ride Abraxans and he paid for me to participate in Draco's tutoring. If I go back next summer, he's teaching me fencing. He, um ... sort of implied that he didn't really like my Father even though they used to be 'associates'" – Theo actually used air quotes for that word – "and that he's happy to basically provide a foster home during the Summer breaks in order to keep me away from Father, although he never came right out and said any of it that bluntly."
"What sort of tutoring did you get?" asked Blaise curiously.
"The big four. DADA, Potions, Transfiguration and Charms. Mr. Malfoy tutored us himself. He got Os on his NEWTS for all four areas. Anyway, Mrs. Malfoy was gone a lot – shopping in Paris and Milan or visiting friends, supposedly. Mr. Malfoy was gone a good bit too. He's high up in the Wizengamot and also a British representative to the ICW."
"Hang on a minute," Harry interrupted. "Narcissa Black Malfoy goes by 'Mrs.'?"
"Yeah, I thought that was weird too."
Blaise took in Harry's thoughtful expression. "What? Does it mean something worrisome when a Pureblooded woman calls herself 'Mrs.'?"
Harry closed his eyes in concentration. "Well, when someone like Molly Weasley does, it means she rejects Pureblood cultural norms, but I guess we can rule that out in Narcissa's case. I vaguely recall ... something. Some obscure legal significance to a wife married into a Wizengamot family calling herself 'Mrs.' rather than 'Madame,' but I can't remember what it was. Some weird bit of inheritance trivia, perhaps?" He shook his head. "Nevermind, it's not important now. I'll look it up later." He turned back to Theo. "Now, for the big money question: Do the Malfoys have any house elves and, if so, what are their names?"
Theo looked surprised at the odd question, and Harry briefly explained his encounter with Dobby that presaged the doxy attack. The boy was surprisingly indignant about being kept out of the loop.
"Somebody tried to kill you, and I'm just now learning about it?! I mean, I know I was at Malfoy Manor, but can't we work out a code to let me know about things like that before next summer? Like 'the rooster crowed at midnight' means 'somebody tried to feed Harry to a pack of feral pixies'?"
"Doxies. And we'll make that a project before next summer. Now, house elves ...?"
"Right, well, they do have one named Dobby and it's as weird and twitchy as you describe. And while that's obviously highly suspicious, it's not conclusive. Like I said, both Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy were gone a lot this summer, though never together. They're not close. I mean, literally not close. They sleep in separate wings of the house, and when they take meals together, they sit at opposite ends of a twenty-foot-long table and barely speak to one another. Draco's caught in the middle – he wants to earn his father's approval but he's too much of a mama's boy. Anyway, whenever either of the Malfoys left, they always took Dobby with them because the other three elves were needed to run the estate. Dobby's a bit ... off, and I don't think they trust him to do much beyond carry packages and luggage and certainly don't want to leave him unattended at the manor house. Frankly, I'm amazed he found time to sneak away and talk with you for five minutes, let alone interfere with your owl posts. And while it's possible that Dobby is aware of a plot by one or both of the Malfoys to harm you, it's also possible that he just learned of some plot while accompanying Mr. Malfoy to an ICW meeting. There are a few ex-Death Eaters serving as ICW delegates, and there are also notorious Pureblood bigots from other countries who might want to follow in You-Know-Who's footsteps. Or, Dobby might have overheard something while Mrs. Malfoy was visiting with some of her high society friends. I know she spent a weekend with the Warringtons and later went to Milan with Madame Bletchley. Both of those families are blood purists, though I don't think any of them ever formally became Death Eaters. That might explain why he wouldn't give you a straight answer about what's going on – he might not actually know any details."
"Hmm. So it's probably a plot that originated out of House Malfoy, but it could be a plot by someone else that Dobby merely overheard."
"You want me to corner him when we get back? See what I can find out?" asked Theo.
"No, it's too dangerous. One thing I learned about house elves this summer is that they're bonded to the actual homes they serve, which means that they can theoretically eavesdrop on conversations that happen in the house even if they're not physically in the room. If you talk to Dobby about this and one of the other, more loyal house elves overhears it and reports it to the Malfoys, you could both be in serious trouble."
Theo nodded at that. They talked for a few minutes more and then Harry took a moment to readjust his hair in the mirror while Blaise and Theo mocked him for his Sleekeazy addiction. Then, they returned to the other children. Once everyone finished up with their ice cream, the children and their guardians made their way towards Flourish & Blotts to pick up their school books. There was a huge line out in front, as apparently there was a book signing scheduled for today by someone called Gilderoy Lockhart.
"Anybody know who he is?" asked Harry.
"Socialite, bon vivant, globe-trotting adventurer, and valiant warrior against the forces of darkness," said Blaise sarcastically. "He puts out a book every year or so about how he saved some obscure village in some far-flung corner of the world from the scourge of some kind of rampaging monster. The books are decent reads though the titles are a bit insipid. Gadding with Ghouls. Holidays with Hags. That sort of thing."
"So you don't believe he's all he's cracked up to be?" asked Hermione with a bit of disappointment.
"Let's just say I think there's some embellishment going on," he replied.
"I must say," said Justin, "that I was quite surprised to realize that in the wizarding world, the line between fiction and non-fiction is rather blurred compared to the Muggle world. I picked that much up just from reading a few books about The Adventures of the Boy-Who-Lived!" He and a few of the others laughed at that, but Harry and Hermione looked confused. They'd seen several books about the Boy-Who-Lived the previous year at Flourish & Blotts but they were all history books. The Jim Potter Adventure Series consisted of fictional works which were located elsewhere in the store. Augusta, who'd overheard their discussions, explained.
"A few years after You-Know-Who was destroyed, a wizarding publishing company put out a book about a four-year-old Jim Potter getting separated from his parents, wandering off, and having all sorts of silly adventures among Muggles before returning home in time for his parents to tuck him safely into bed. It was wildly successful among wizarding children ... until the Potters found out about it and sued. But after winning the court case, they realized how much money was to be made from such books, so they licensed Jim Potter's name and likeness to that same publishing house for the production of more Boy-Who-Lived books with the majority of the profits going into the Charitable Trust."
Harry and the Muggleborn children looked utterly aghast at the idea of selling a child's name and likeness to a publisher, even if the proceeds did go to charity.
"I remember the earliest ones as being pretty awful," Neville spoke up. "Five-year-old Jim Potter rides a dragon and rescues a fairy princess. Seven-year-old Jim Potter becomes the honorary King of the Leprechauns. That sort of rubbish. The later ones, where he's just solving crimes and capturing escaped Death Eaters and things like that, are a lot better written."
Justin laughed. "That's because the later ones are brazenly plagiarized from better written novels. The last one I read – Jim Potter and the Clue of the Screeching Owl – was literally the same book as a Hardy Boys novel with a similar title which I'd read when I was nine ... only with every reference to Frank and Joe Hardy replaced by Jim and his house elf Slappy and with magic inserted into the plot in a completely haphazard way."
Hermione and Blaise laughed at that, but Justin had to explain the concept of "The Hardy Boys" to all the other children who were astonished that Jim's publisher would just flat-out steal a Muggle book and shoehorn the Boy-Who-Lived into it. By that point, the group was nearly to Flourish & Blotts, and Harry noticed the Weasley family standing together in a clump near the door looking around nervously. Harry walked up to the group to greet them, accompanied by Hermione, Neville and Justin.
"Oh, hello, Harry! And young Mr. Finch-Fletchley! I hope you and your parents are doing well!" exclaimed Mr. Weasley. Then, his voice dropped down to a whisper. "Um, by any chance, have you seen your brother Jim around, Harry?"
"No sir, I haven't seen him since our birthday. Should I have?"
"Well, your mum and dad couldn't be here today. Lady Potter had to go on to Hogwarts for a faculty meeting while Lord Potter is at auror headquarters helping to organize the ... um, things that aurors do," he finished lamely. Harry smiled. As he'd said earlier, he liked Mr. Weasley a lot, but he was alternately amused and appalled by the man's inability to keep a secret. Not that it was much of a secret – the papers had been full of reports that the Auror Corps was raiding homes of suspected Death Eater sympathizers in search of more cursed objects that might lead to whoever sent the train to the Jim's birthday party. (Harry refused to consider the spectacle as his birthday party in any sense.) "Anyway, because of that Jim came to spend the weekend with us at the Burrow. Unfortunately, he didn't make it through to our destination."
"I told you, Arthur. It sounded like he sneezed while he was trying to say 'Diagon Alley.' Who knows where he's gotten off to?!" Mrs. Weasley said, looking as though she were about to cry.
"Well, I don't know where he originally went off to, Mrs. Weasley," said Harry, "but I know where he is now." With that, the young Slytherin pointed down the street to where an abashed Jim Potter was being escorted by an angry looking Hagrid.
"JIM POTTER! Where have you BEEN?!" she shrieked at the embarrassed boy.
"Ah found 'im wanderin' round Knockturn Alley," said Hagrid, disapprovingly.
Scandalized, Molly started to scold the boy who interrupted her before she could. "It wasn't on purpose, Mrs. Weasley. I sneezed while stepping into the Floo, and somehow instead of the Leaky Cauldron, it sent me to Borgin & Burkes."
Molly almost went off again at that news, but this time, Arthur stepped in. "It was an accident Molly, and the boy is safe. No harm, no foul. Now let's get on in and get the children's books before anything else happens."
"Wait just a second!" exclaimed Hermione almost angrily. Everyone turned to look at her in surprise as she narrowed her eyes at the group. "There's a Diagon Alley and a Knockturn Alley? Is there also a Horizont Alley or an Uncondition Alley?"
Percy answered almost instantly as if excited to be given a pop quiz. "Yes to both. They're wizarding communities in Sydney and Toronto, respectively. Why do you ask?"
Hermione just stared at him for several seconds. "... no reason," she said weakly. Then, she turned and walked back towards the entrance to Flourish & Blotts with a slightly dazed expression while muttering to herself about "an entire subculture based on bad puns."
Finally, the sizeable group of wizarding children along with their parents made it inside the bookstore. Gunther, who was along as Blaise Zabini's chauffeur and bodyguard, remained outside ostensibly to "guard the perimeter." As soon as his employer's son had entered, the hulking man relaxed and stepped around to the side of the building, where he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a Muggle lighter. Hagrid, who was just about to leave, caught sight of the figure who was now leaned against the corner of the building having a smoke. Suddenly, his eyes widened.
"Gunther?! Is 'zat ye?" he exclaimed.
Gunther took another drag on his cigarette while pulling his chauffeur's hat down further over his eyes with his free hand. He gave no sign of having heard Hagrid's remark, so naturally, the half-giant came closer and spoke even louder.
"It is! It's Wee Gunther! I thought ye was still in Exeter. What brings ya to Diagon Alley?"
Gunther sighed loudly, exhaling a cloud of smoke as he did. Then, he turned and looked up at Hagrid who, despite Gunther's great size, stood a good foot-and-a-half taller. He smiled but with a hint of exasperation.
"Work, Cousin Rubeus," he said in a Devonshire accent only slightly less pronounced than Hagrid's. "I'm 'ere on work."
The next chapter will be posted on Friday, October 2, 2015. "Meet Gilderoy Lockhart." Finally, after months and months of bit players, the REAL hero of the story shows up!